This picks up where the last chapter left off.
Scene 12. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization. – Dorothy and Relena are playing cards at the conference table.
Relena: Got any sixes?
Dorothy: Go fish. [Mueller runs in looking frantic] Didn't you just die four scenes ago? [Fourth Wall shatters] Whoops….
Kaori: [off-camera] STOP POINTING OUT THE PLOT HOLES!!!!
Mueller: [doesn't break character] Ma'am! Our security has been compromised!
Dorothy: Explain!
Mueller: The microfilm containing the design specs for Project Deep-Fat-Fryer has been stolen. Our intelligence reports that it was the work of an Interpol agent!
Dorothy: Where is the microfilm now?
Mueller: Our spies have tracked it to the Pizzicato Hotel. [hushed tone] Ma'am, the notorious Agent Double O 1 has been spotted at that hotel.
Dorothy: [annoyed] Well what are you waiting for fool! Dispatch some assassins to get it back!
Mueller: Yes ma'am! [rushes off]
Relena: [smug] If I had been in charge of security this wouldn't have happened.
Dorothy: You are in charge of security, nitwit.
Relena: ….Oh yeah….
Scene 13. Exterior. Mid-Afternoon. Highway. – Heero is driving ridiculously fast along the road being pursued by a highway patrol officer, Leona Ozaki. He is laughing like the deranged lunatic he is.
Leona: PULL OVER!!!
Heero: [mobster impression] YOU'LL NEVER GET ME COPPER!! I'M NOT PULLING OVER, SEE??!! MNYAH, SEE!!! MNYAH!!!! [there is a beeping noise and a panel opens up under the car's CD player. It's your standard video-communication device. Une's image appears on the screen] What?
Une: Don't answer the video-com that way, it's rude. Have you reviewed the data on the microfilm yet?
Heero: If I say I did, will you leave me alone?
Une: [Death Glare] No you lazy bastard!
Heero: Damn… Can't you call back later? I'm having fun with the highway patrol.
Une: The fate of the world is hanging in the balance and you're out joyriding??!!!
Heero: [shifty eyed look]…Yeaaahhh….
Une: GO LOOK AT THAT MICROFILM BEFORE I HAVE Q USE THE MILITARY SATELLITES TO BLOW YOUR BONY BEHIND TO KINGDOM COME!!!!
Heero: All right… all right….geez… [turns off the video-comm]
Leona: PULL OVER YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
Heero: SORRY!! BUT I CAN'T PLAY WITH YOU ANYMORE! MY BOSS JUST CALLED TO TELL ME TO GET BACK TO WORK!! [flips a switch on the dashboard and the car transforms into a jet/car] LATER!!! [flies away]
Leona: YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! COME BACK HERE!!! [waves her fist impotently at the retreating aircraft]
Scene 14. Interior. Stairwell in the Pizzicato Hotel. – A shadowy figure is making its way furtively up the staircase.
???: [off-camera, all we see is a silhouette] Dammit, why can't I use the elevator instead of going up nineteen flights of stairs?
Kaori: [off-camera] One, nobody's supposed to know you're in the building; two, it's for the sake of the plot; three, it's not time for another elevator scene yet.
Scene 15. Interior. Heero's Room at the Pizzicato. – Heero is rummaging through his luggage looking for the microfilm.
Heero: [tossing shirts and other articles of clothing all over the room] Where the hell did I put it??? Ah ha!! [holds up the microfilm in triumph] Now all I have to do is get to a microfilm reader. There should be one in the public library or a nearby university. [annoyed sigh] This is getting to be a very annoying mission. I haven't even gotten to blow anything up!
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Heero: [walks over to the door which, for no reason other than plot contrivance, has no peephole]Yes?
???: Room service!
Heero: [frown] I didn't order anything.
???: I mean…Housekeeping! I've come to turn the bed down!
Heero: It's the middle of the afternoon.
???: Strip-O-Gram!
Heero: How stupid do you think I am?
???: Just open the door, dammit! You're holding up the movie!
Heero: [reluctantly opens the door and is immediately attacked by Hibiki Ryouga] WHAT THE….
Ryouga: RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Kaori: [off-camera] That's not the line!
Ryouga: Err…I mean…DIE AGENT DOUBLE O 1!!! [punches]
Heero: [blocking] Geez…could you yell a little louder? I don't think the people on L1 colony cluster heard you.
Ryouga: Where is the microfilm??!!! [throws in a couple of kicks]
Heero: None of your business!! [counters the kicks with a few kicks of his own followed by rapid punches] Who sent you?!
Ryouga: Why do you care? You'll soon be dead!
Heero: [glares at him and jumps out the window]
Ryouga: DAMN IT ALL!! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DO THAT??!
Heero: [rapidly falling down the side of the building] Oh shit… I'm gonna die!! [is suddenly caught by a guy with a jetpack] Where the hell did you come from?
Jetpack Dude: Well how else would the storyline continue? [Fourth Wall cracks]
Heero: Do ya ALWAYS have to crack the wall?!
Jetpack Dude: Why do you always whine about it?
Heero: What is this, Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1)
Kaori: Enough already! You're starting to drive me nuts!!
Heero and Jetpack Dude: Gomen ne.
Scene 16. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization. – Zechs, Dorothy, and Relena are looking at the giant view screen. Ryouga's image is currently occupying it.
Dorothy: What do you mean he got away??!!!
Ryouga: You know. Escaped, flew the coop, gave me the slip…
Dorothy: That was a rhetorical question you ass!
Zechs: This is most unfortunate. Relena, sine you're people are responsible for this mess, you go after Agent Double O 1.
Relena: My pleasure!! [rushes off]
Dorothy: [looks at Zechs askance] Was that wise?
Zechs: No, but it's better than letting her mess things up even more around here.
Dorothy: Ah.
Scene 17. Back at Heero's Hotel Room. – Ryouga is just about to leave.
Ryouga: I guess I'd better go help Relena track down Double O 1. God knows what a useless git she is. [sound of a gun with a silencer attached going off] Gack! [dies]
???: Damn, he must have left already. I have to find that guy so I can update him on the situation…
Scene 18. Exterior. Late Afternoon. Voi Bastardi University Library. – Heero falls from five stories up and lands on the steps of the library.
Heero: Argh! Jesus! My ankles!! (2)
Jetpack Dude: [off camera] Sorry!
Heero: [looks up and shakes his fist at Jetpack Dude before going inside]
Scene switch to the inside of the library. Students (basically random students from Furinkan and Domino High) are milling about. The librarian, Washu, is at the main desk along with Yume (her longtime rival ) and Ms. Inez (who graciously took time away from the Nedesico to play this part).
Washu, Inez, Yume: Double, double, bricks and rubble
Blow this place up and you're in trouble!
Heero: I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Can you direct me to the microfilm room?
Washu: Microfilm? How archaic! Can I see it?
Heero: No.
Washu: Pleeaasse?
Heero: I said no.
Washu: [pouts] Well then, will you at least be my guinea pig?
Heero: Are you on some sort of medication?
Washu: How dare you! I am Washu! The greatest scientific genius in all the universe! I have accomplished more in the scientific discipline than anyone! I have been witness to some of the most amazing…[continues to rant]
Heero: [sweatdrop]
Yume: Haven't the people on this planet developed info-gems yet?
Inez: I'm afraid that sort of technology is beyond the scope of this timeframe. You see…
Heero: [interrupts] The microfilm room?
Inez: Third floor, seventh door in the second corridor. [goes back to explaining stuff to Yume who just pretends to listen]
Heero: Weirdos…[heads for the elevator]
Scene switches back to the outside of the library, where a familiar-looking shadow looms ominously at the door. The first shadow is then joined by more shadows.
???: Move you idiots! You're in my light!
???: Sorry. [other shadows go away]
Scene 19. Interior. Microfilm Room at Voi Bastardi University Library. – Heero is sitting in front of the microfilm reader.
Heero: What the hell is this? I don't know how to read blueprints! Stupid Une!!
???: OHOHOHOHO!! Well since you have no need of it, how about you give it back to us!!
Heero: [whirls around to spot Relena and a bunch of ninjas] Relena….
Relena: Hello Heero, darling! Did you miss me?
Heero: Of course not. Nobody misses fleas when they go away.
Relena: [crocodile tears] How cruel you are to me!
Heero: What do you want, Relena?
Relena: I told you, I want the microfilm!
Heero: Sorry, you can't have it! [whips out the flamethrower gun and pulls the trigger]
Relena: [drops to the floor and half of the ninjas are barbecued and the room catches fire]
Heero: [sees his opportunity and runs out the door]
Relena: [to the remaining ninjas] Don't just stand there! Go after him!
Scene 20. Interior. Third Floor. Voi Bastardi University Library. – Heero is running through the bookshelves with the ninjas hot on his heels.
Heero: This just gets stupider and stupider!!
Ninja #1: Just you wait! Things haven't even begun to get stupid yet!
As if to prove his point, Ranma and Mousse dance by followed by Jounouchi and Honda.
Heero: [massive sweatdrop and looks at his gun] I don't want to risk setting the rest of the library on fire. I'm already liable for enough damages as it is and I happen to like my paycheck.
Ninja #4: Surrender the microfilm!!
Heero: Screw you!!
Library patrons: SSSSHHHHH!!!!
Eventually, the ninjas corner Heero.
Ninja #15: It's over!
Ninja #12: Just hand over the microfilm and we'll kill you quickly.
Ninja #4: Give us trouble and we'll kill you slowly and painfully before prying the microfilm out of your cold, dead fingers.
Heero: [considers jumping out the window again]
CRASH Duo swings through the window on a cable and lands in front of Heero.
Duo: You're the ones that are going to die you clowns! [shoots them with a revolver]
Trowa: [off-camera] HEY!!!
Wufei jumps through the broken window, lands next to Duo, and picks off the ninjas that Duo missed.
Wufei: [over his shouler] Are you all right, Double O 1?
Heero: Yeah.
Duo: ^_^ Good, then you can pay for the window!
Heero: _ HELL NO!!!
Library patrons: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!
Scene 21. Night. A sports car on the highway. – The three agents are on their way to a hotel in the next city. Wufei is driving, Duo is riding shotgun, and Heero is in the back seat.
Duo: Sorry we couldn't go back for your stuff, Heero but you know how it is. Besides, I'm sure we can get Trowa to send it to you later.
Heero: I hope so. My favorite shirt is back there. How'd you know where to find me anyway?
Duo: Well, considering I'm the one that stole the microfilm in the first place and Une assigned you to this mission, it should follow that I would know how to find you later. Besides, Voi Bastardi has the only microfilm reader in the city.
Heero: ….talk about plot contrivance. [Fourth Wall cracks] Whoops.
Wufei: Enough about that. It's time you were updated on the situation.
Heero: Go on.
Wufei: Duo was assigned to infiltrate and spy on The Evil Organization…
Heero: Woah, woah, woah! Wait a minute, you mean they're actually called The Evil Organization?!
Wufei: Yes.
Heero: Man, the script writer sure is lazy… [loud shattering noise]
Kaori: [off-camera] I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!! AND QUIT ALLUDING TO THE FOURTH WALL WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO FIX IT!!! [what was left of the repaired Fourth Wall shatters] AAAGHH!!!! [Kaori can be heard ranting through the rest of the scene]
Duo: Anyway…. I found the plans for the space cannon they're constructing…
Heero: Oh, is that what that stupid thing is?
Duo: Yes, now quit interrupting! Anyway, a while after you received the microfilm I discovered that they can't complete the cannon until they obtain a gyroscopic thermonuclear coil and the only one that isn't currently being used to light up Las Vegas is at a base on Colony L3-X27933.
Heero: So why don't they have it yet?
Duo: I'd been feeding them false information while at their headquarters; mostly by whispering in Relena's ear while she stood next to the ventilation system while she gave orders to the spies. Unfortunately, after so many failures, Dorothy took over issuing orders and that bitch only listens to Silvermask.
Wufei: As we speak, Dorothy's agents are heading for L3-X27933.
Heero: Is anything being done to stop them.
Wufei: We're telling you aren't we?
Heero: What am I supposed to do??!! There's no way I can get to the colony before Dorothy's agents do!
Duo: That's why we're going to head straight for the base and stop Silvermask before he has the chance to finish the space cannon.
Heero: In other words, we're going to blow stuff up.
Duo and Wufei: Exactly.
Heero: Finally!!! I just have on question, though.
Duo: What?
Heero: What was Wufei doing?
Wufei: [smirk] Keeping the engine warm.
This looks like a good place to stop, don't you think? Fwuahahaha!! Cliffhanger!
1) The Jetpack Dude Exchange was from Nayru Moon, who was a great help whilst I was stuck in that scene.
2) If you've ever fallen a long distance and landed on your feet then you know what this feels like.