Rock On.Dude
Chapter 1: Really Short Intro
When I was just a wee little boy, I remember a mysterious land, where dragons flew, and knights rode in their shining armor. But never mind that, that was then, this is now. Actually, let's go back to then, but not as far. To a suburb of Boston, in a neighborhood, in a house, in a garage, on a stool.
Chapter 2: The Arrival
"Dudes, like, why isn't my guitar working?" Kevin AKA, knife (pronounced- ka-nife) asked. "Like, Dude, that's a hockey stick" Replied Doug AKA, Abraham Lincoln (don't ask) "Huh, write a song about a hockey stick, righteous idea!" "Huh ha" laughed Doughball, AKA, um, Doughball, the dumb one who doesn't talk, only laughs and says his name. "Hi guys" Kyle walked in, who, I must say, is the wigger of all wiggers. "What's the shizzo bo dizzo el rizzo?" "Uh dude, what did he just say?" "I dunno, but like, I think I like, agree." Said Kevin. Then the phone rang, and Kyle put it on speaker. "Hi um this is Ryan." "Like, Ryan who" "I dunno, who's this" "This is Stale Cookie" "Huh, I'm talking to a cookie" "No, the band, why are you calling us" "Because I want to eat the cookie" "There is no cookie!!!" "Is it chocolate chip, I like chocolate" "Ahhhhhh" Doug went crazy and ran out into the road, getting flattened by a semi. "So it's oatmeal raisin, then" *click* Kyle slammed on the button to hang up.
Then George Washington walked in. "Dude, you're dead" "That's what you think" said George, and Kevin pulled out a flashlight. "What are you doing" asked George. "You're supposed to be dead, so I'm gonna kill you." "With a flashlight" "it's a light saber you moron." Kevin flipped on the light, and swiped the light stream over Washington's throat, adding sound affects. "Dammit, it worked in a movie" "I have come to take you to the record producer" said George. "We're off to see the Producer, the wonderful producer of Boston." Sang the band and George Washington as they hopped down the street holding hands.
Chapter 2: The Battle
"Let's go to church, guys" suggested Kevin "Um, why" "So we could have god on our side for this long journey." "Good plan, dude" so the four walked into the nearby church, named The Twenty Seven Point Two Fifth Methodist Christian Church of Jesus Christ. "Good afternoon. Your reverend is In Vegas, said something about winning lots of money and staying in a hotel with beautiful women. Any way, I'll be here all month so get used to me or move to Ukraine. "Anyway, let's pray. Dear Lord, please let the Sox take the series next year, and let me get the part in that new comedy. Amen. Okay, y'all can leave, I'm sick of this. "That was ca-uh-cool" said Washington. "George, are you stoned?" "I picked some stuff up when you guys were in church" he answered. And so, they continued on their journey, until they came to a vast desert and didn't know which way to go. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Kyle saw a flash of light run behind a sand bar. "What was that" "I don't know, but I saw it too. Hey, there goes another." Then, suddenly, a grenade landed at their feet. GW picked it up and threw it back, and they got their first look at the "flash of color" standing there, was a midget, no taller than three feet. They looked around and saw hundreds of them. "Attack of the Midgets!!!" cried GW. The midgets began firing oozies at them. Kyle pulled out one of his own, and blasted their tiny, sorry asses. Cheers of joy were shared, but Kevin looked down, and Washington was lying on the ground, badly wounded. "You can't die! You have to lead us to the producer. At least tell us how to get to him. "Go straight, hang a left, keep walking until you reach a K-Mart. Go in and buy the new Linkin Park CD "what will we need that for?" "Nothing, it's just a good CD. Anyway; buy a pitching wedge, too, they're on sale for $21.95 and you'll need it later. Then go due east, until you get to a big gate. You'll get to a bunch of lawyers that will try to mob you. A pitching wedge works best to kill them. Then walk into the building and you'll see him. Hey do you have a beer?" "Shouldn't you be dead by now? "Yeah, you're right." And George Washington was no more.
Chapter 1: Really Short Intro
When I was just a wee little boy, I remember a mysterious land, where dragons flew, and knights rode in their shining armor. But never mind that, that was then, this is now. Actually, let's go back to then, but not as far. To a suburb of Boston, in a neighborhood, in a house, in a garage, on a stool.
Chapter 2: The Arrival
"Dudes, like, why isn't my guitar working?" Kevin AKA, knife (pronounced- ka-nife) asked. "Like, Dude, that's a hockey stick" Replied Doug AKA, Abraham Lincoln (don't ask) "Huh, write a song about a hockey stick, righteous idea!" "Huh ha" laughed Doughball, AKA, um, Doughball, the dumb one who doesn't talk, only laughs and says his name. "Hi guys" Kyle walked in, who, I must say, is the wigger of all wiggers. "What's the shizzo bo dizzo el rizzo?" "Uh dude, what did he just say?" "I dunno, but like, I think I like, agree." Said Kevin. Then the phone rang, and Kyle put it on speaker. "Hi um this is Ryan." "Like, Ryan who" "I dunno, who's this" "This is Stale Cookie" "Huh, I'm talking to a cookie" "No, the band, why are you calling us" "Because I want to eat the cookie" "There is no cookie!!!" "Is it chocolate chip, I like chocolate" "Ahhhhhh" Doug went crazy and ran out into the road, getting flattened by a semi. "So it's oatmeal raisin, then" *click* Kyle slammed on the button to hang up.
Then George Washington walked in. "Dude, you're dead" "That's what you think" said George, and Kevin pulled out a flashlight. "What are you doing" asked George. "You're supposed to be dead, so I'm gonna kill you." "With a flashlight" "it's a light saber you moron." Kevin flipped on the light, and swiped the light stream over Washington's throat, adding sound affects. "Dammit, it worked in a movie" "I have come to take you to the record producer" said George. "We're off to see the Producer, the wonderful producer of Boston." Sang the band and George Washington as they hopped down the street holding hands.
Chapter 2: The Battle
"Let's go to church, guys" suggested Kevin "Um, why" "So we could have god on our side for this long journey." "Good plan, dude" so the four walked into the nearby church, named The Twenty Seven Point Two Fifth Methodist Christian Church of Jesus Christ. "Good afternoon. Your reverend is In Vegas, said something about winning lots of money and staying in a hotel with beautiful women. Any way, I'll be here all month so get used to me or move to Ukraine. "Anyway, let's pray. Dear Lord, please let the Sox take the series next year, and let me get the part in that new comedy. Amen. Okay, y'all can leave, I'm sick of this. "That was ca-uh-cool" said Washington. "George, are you stoned?" "I picked some stuff up when you guys were in church" he answered. And so, they continued on their journey, until they came to a vast desert and didn't know which way to go. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Kyle saw a flash of light run behind a sand bar. "What was that" "I don't know, but I saw it too. Hey, there goes another." Then, suddenly, a grenade landed at their feet. GW picked it up and threw it back, and they got their first look at the "flash of color" standing there, was a midget, no taller than three feet. They looked around and saw hundreds of them. "Attack of the Midgets!!!" cried GW. The midgets began firing oozies at them. Kyle pulled out one of his own, and blasted their tiny, sorry asses. Cheers of joy were shared, but Kevin looked down, and Washington was lying on the ground, badly wounded. "You can't die! You have to lead us to the producer. At least tell us how to get to him. "Go straight, hang a left, keep walking until you reach a K-Mart. Go in and buy the new Linkin Park CD "what will we need that for?" "Nothing, it's just a good CD. Anyway; buy a pitching wedge, too, they're on sale for $21.95 and you'll need it later. Then go due east, until you get to a big gate. You'll get to a bunch of lawyers that will try to mob you. A pitching wedge works best to kill them. Then walk into the building and you'll see him. Hey do you have a beer?" "Shouldn't you be dead by now? "Yeah, you're right." And George Washington was no more.