(A/N: Well, I figured I might as well try out humor again. This fic seemed to be pretty popular, so I'll keep going with it. Who knows how long it'll end up?)
Chapter 2: Commercial Chaos
It was the morning after the smashers' advertisement fiasco. Luigi was talking on the phone, Mewtwo and Ness were practicing their telekinesis on unsuspecting passersby, the smashers were sitting around the breakfast table eating Sugar cereal, and Mario was grumpily and thoroughly ignoring them all.
Mario: I hate my life.
Luigi: Mario! Great news! The commercial people loved our ads, and we're supposed to make new ones!
Mario: WHAT?!
Mario bolted up from his bed. He looked around and assured himself that he had been dreaming. Peach came in.
Peach: What's wrong, honeysugarpumpkin?
Mario looked at her oddly for a moment.
Mario: I just had a weird dream. The commercial people loved our ads and we were supposed to make new ones.
Peach: Sounds like a dream come true! I would be on TV again!
Mario: What, working with all the smashers again? More like a nightmare!
Suddenly, Luigi rushed in.
Luigi: Mario! The commercial people loved our ads and we were supposed to make new ones.
Mario bolted up from the couch, promptly falling onto the floor.
Mario: Ow. What a dream. Somebody pinch me.
DK: I'll do it!
DK, who was in the hall, wasted no time in running through the door to Mario's aid.
Mario: Next time, open the door first.
DK: Oh, sorry.
Luigi burst in and started shouted just as DK pinched Mario as hard as he could.
Luigi: The commercial people loved our ads and-
Mario shook his hand as DK's hirsute hand passed right through Mario's body.
Mario: Unbelievable.
Mario bolted up from the floor in the game room.
Mario: I really hate my life. Hmm…maybe my dream could be somehow interpreted to predict the events of my real life.
Mario pinched himself, and was relieved to find that he was finally awake. Suddenly, Luigi ran in, out of breath.
Luigi: Mario! The commercial people loved our ads and we were supposed to make new ones.
Mario: Just call me Joseph.
Luigi: Huh?
Mario: Never mind. Call the smashers.
Soon, the smashers were assembled around the meeting table, which also happened to be the breakfast table.
Mario: Where are Ness and Mewtwo?
Ness and Mewtwo walked into the room followed by a young boy with bloodshot, glazed eyes and a Pokemon T-shirt.
Mewtwo: He followed us home. Can we keep him?
Mario: I hate you. Put him back outside.
Ness: Please? I'll feed him and take good care of him-
Mario: NOW!
The two psychics reluctantly complied. Mario cleared his throat and continued.
Mario: Believe it or not, our commercials were all huge successes, and people want us to do more.
Samus: Are you sure they didn't have a wrong number?
Mario: Yes, unfortunately. Now, split yourselves up again.
Ness: Can we have the same groups as last time?
Mario: NO! No psychic powers this time.
Mewtwo: You're no fun.
DK: I like bananas.
Mario: Um…thank you, DK. I don't think we need to advertise any bananas, but don't worry, I'd look you up first.
Fox: Hey, can't we pay for that set yet?
Mario: Apparently not. Please just go!
The smashers ran off to plan their commercials.
Mario: Why me?
Luigi: Maybe they've learned something since last time.
Peach (dancing): I get to be on TV again!
Mario: Nope.
The smashers came in a few hours later, all brimming with excitement.
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Young Link: Great news, everyone! I discovered a secret level in my box of crayons! Now I have more crayon names to read off!
Mario: Samus, shoot him.
Samus: Good idea.
Samus aimed and fired, but the young elf was pacing energetically, reading colors.
YL: Ooh! Wisteria and robin's egg blue and carnation pink and chestnut and pacific blue and raw sienna…
Falcon: Raw sienna?
YL: That's what it says.
Mario: Samus, try again.
Samus nodded and fired her missile, but it stopped in mid-air.
Mewtwo: Ignore that fool. Allow us to present our advertisement.
Mario: Fine, maybe that will cheer me up.
Falcon, Ganondorf, and Kirby walked onto the stage.
Mario (with a big sigh): Whenever you're ready.
Ganondorf: Right! Our product was the brand new Chevrolet Mongoose!
Mario: Mongoose?
Ganondorf: Hey, I'm just the announcer.
Falcon and Kirby began to (badly) act very upset.
Ganondorf: What's wrong, friends?
Ganondorf's voice was so cheery and happy that the smashers burst out laughing.
Kirby: I hate my car! The front door handle is broken, there's a big dent on the trunk, it makes funny noises all the time, and every time I start the motor, I hear a faint evil laugh.
Bowser began to whistle innocently. Mario slapped his forehead again.
Falcon: Oh yeah? Well, my car sometimes locks itself while I'm in it and won't let me open it! And the motor doesn't start unless I hit it with a two by four!
Ganondorf: Well, today's your lucky day!
DK: They won the lottery?
Ganondorf: No…
DK: He gets a free 2 by 4 for his motor?
Ganondorf: Definitely not! There's a fantastic car sale at Chevrolet this week, and it's the biggest sale EVER!
Kirby: Ever?
Ganondorf (quietly): Well, since yesterday. (loudly again) Anyway, we're introducing our new car, the Mongoose! Complete with wheels, a steering wheel, a paint job and a motor, this beauty can be yours for only $40,000!
Falcon: Why would I pay $40,000 for a car?
Ganondorf: Ah, but it has an APR of 0.2%!
Kirby: Huh?
Ganondorf: And a QPW of 9 billion!
Falcon: Q…for…quotient?
Ganondorf: And 2,000 pennies cash back, and a retail value of 50,000 pounds of garbage!
Kirby: Wow!
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Falcon: Question? Quack? Queasy? Quash? I MUST KNOW!
Ganondorf: So, who's interested?
Kirby: Me! Sign me up!
Ganondorf: After a week, you'll be proudly saying, "I own a Mongoose!" At least until PETA comes after you…
Mario: Good work, all. Please go away. Next!
Young Link: And sepia and wild strawberry and violet (purple) …
Mario sighed deeply. Samus was already aiming her missile.
Falco: We'll go!
Falco, DK, Marth, and Pikachu stepped up. DK just happened to walk in front of Young Link, taking the missile blow.
DK: Ouch!
Falco: I feel so lucky to be part of this group.
Pikachu: Pi?
Mario: What's your product?
DK: BANANA!
Mario: You're joking.
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Peach: I love bananas!
Mario: No you don't.
Peach: Oh, you're right. I thought I was DK for a second.
Mario slapped his forehead again. It was starting to really hurt.
DK: Buy bananas!
Pikachu: Pika!
Marth nodded and took a banana from DK.
DK: No! Give banana back!
Falco: You dumb ape, that was supposed to happen.
DK: Oh. Right.
Falco: Can we be done now?
Pikachu: Chu!
DK: Buy more banana!
Pikachu shrugged and took another one.
DK: NO! MY BANANA!
Pikachu (sighing): Ka…
Falco: You stupid – anyway, everyone should buy bananas because-
DK: Wait! I know this part! They're high in pot…potass…um…They're yellow!
Falco: Arrgh! I'll kill you!
Falcon: Quagmire? Quill? ARRGH!
An enraged Falco chased DK off the stage. Marth and Pikachu shrugged and followed. Falcon continued his dictionarial (A/N: Shut up! That's a word!) musings.
Mario: I can almost hear the stampede of people, rushing to the grocery stores to buy bananas…next!
Peach: Can we go now?
Mario: Yes, I suppose we'll get you and your escapades out of the way. What was your product?
Peach: Our product was Attorney…uh…
Falcon: Ahem. We are advertising the services of Attorney Will Takyurmuny.
Mario: What was that last name again?
Fox: Takyurmuny.
Mario: Whatever. Go ahead.
Peach, Link, Fox, and G&W walked onstage.
Link: Hello. I am Attorney Will Takyurmuny, here to advise you of your rights as a person.
Fox: Hey!
Link: Or fox.
G&W: Beep!
Link: Or…stick figure.
Peach: Hey!
Link: Or peach.
Peach: Better.
Link: Right…anyway, if you get into an accident, just call me and I'll help you win money. I will not allow your rights to be trampled by anyone! Let's hear from some satisfied customers.
Fox: Yeah…I was walking around one day, and suddenly, a big guy walked right into me! I stumbled backward a few feet, and hit my head on a tree that was just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk! Good ol' Attorney Will Takyurmuny sued the guy and whatever idiots planted the tree, and the morons who built the sidewalk who let someone plant a tree there…
Fox stopped to take a breath, then continued.
Fox: And won me over 2 billion dollars!
G&W: Beep! Bleep! Boop!
Link: Um, yes, I helped him too.
Peach (trying to read her cue card): I…was…um…ah…
Link: Yes, well, she received lots of money from my services as well. Thank you and goodnight.
Peach: dr…driving…and…
Mario: That's all the time we have. Next?
Falcon: Quickly? Quartz?
Bowser: We've prepared a two-hour documentary about our product!
Mario: Bowser, go away.
Bowser, Ness, Yoshi, Young Link, and Dr. Mario walked onstage.
Yoshi: Yoshi!
YL: And magenta and crimson and scarlet and cerulean and cornflower and purple mountain's majesty…
Bowser: Young Link has defected from our group to the group of complete and utter morons.
Indeed, Young Link was heading straight for Peach and DK to show them his crayons.
Ness: Our product is cheese.
Dr. Mario: Cheese is good for you! Very high in…protein, or something. Maybe vitamin K.
Bowser: Behold the power of cheese!
Bowser took a huge cube of cheese and threw it at Young Link's head. He passed out instantly. There was much rejoicing.
Everyone: Yay.
Ness: So, just look at all the things you can do with cheese. In fact-
Ness stopped talking quickly, as Yoshi elongated his tongue and swallowed the cheese.
Mario: Yes, well, that's quite enough of that.
Ness: I didn't get to do my speech! I hate you, Yoshi!
Falco: You're an idiot! I hate you, DK!
Peach: I didn't get to be on TV long enough! I hate you, world!
Mario: The world hates you too, Peach. Who's next?
Zelda: Us.
Zelda walked onstage with the Ice Climbers.
Mario: What are you advertising?
Zelda: It's a secret!
Nana: Yeah, and it's not pizza!
Popo: No! Definitely not pizza.
Zelda sighed, shaking her head. She probably knew how Mario felt.
Falcon: Quota?
Quintuple? Qatar?
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Zelda (loudly, to announce the start of their ad): Boy, I'm hungry. What's for dinner?
Popo (running up from the background): What everyone wants for dinner! Pizza!
Zelda: Um…actually…
Nana (ditto): Yes, of course you don't want a regular old delivered pizza. That's why there's…
Ice Climbers: DiGiornos!
Zelda: Bless you. Now, what I'd really like is some-
Popo: Ha ha! You are such a funny girl! Now, luckily we have some here for you to sample!
Zelda: I really don't-
Nana: Oh, of course, you're a princess; you're worried about people poisoning your food! Don't worry, I'll taste it for you.
Zelda: I-
Nana: Mmm! This is so good! It melts in my mouth!
Popo: Not in your hand!
Nana (whispering): Wrong commercial.
Popo: Oh.
Zelda: That's actually not-
Popo: Go on! Have a bite. Because…
Ice Climbers: It's not delivery! It's-
Zelda (triumphantly interrupting them): Pizza! Which is not what I want for dinner! I really just want some chicken.
Ice Climbers (dejectedly): Oh.
The trio walked offstage. Mario chuckled a bit; theirs was quite clever.
Mario: Who's left?
Peach: I…was…hit…um…
Falcon: Quintillion? Quaff? Quizzing? Quotation?
Mewtwo: You idiot! He made it up!
Falcon: WHAT?
Falcon chased Ganondorf outside. Falco, who had been quietly fighting with DK, did the same (to DK), and Ness followed suit, chasing the unfortunate Yoshi away.
YL: Hey! I'm OK now, don't worry! What happened to me, anyway?
Luigi: Oh, no…
YL: Where was I?
Samus fired her missile just in time and incinerated the box of crayons.
YL: NO!!!!!!!!
Peach: Will…Taky……Will helped…
Mario: Peach, shut up. Is anyone left?
Mewtwo: How could you forget about me?
Roy, Pichu, Jigglypuff, Samus, and Mewtwo walked up.
Mario: I have a bad feeling about this.
Mewtwo: Our product was Super Mario Sunshine. Mwa ha ha.
Mario: Why me?
Peach (suddenly realizing what Mario had said): Don't tell me to shut up!
Young Link was wailing over his lost crayons. Falcon, Ganondorf, Falco, DK, Ness, and Yoshi were making quite a ruckus in the background, adding to the general confusion of the moment.
Pichu: Pi! Pichu!
Jigglypuff: Puff! Jigglypuff!
Roy: Konichiwa!
Samus: Well, Mewtwo, as the only English-speaking members of this group, we should share our opinions about this game.
Mario: No! Don't…
Mewtwo: This is, quite frankly, the worst game I have ever played. It is…
Mario: Please stop! I'll do anything! I haven't made a game in six years; this one has to do well!
Mewtwo: Can we keep the kid?
Mario: Keep the kid! Fine! Just don't…
Mewtwo, chuckling evilly, walked off the stage. Samus, Roy, and the Pokemon followed suit. Mario sobbed to himself, thinking of the implications of his game's failing.
Luigi: Well, I'll just send these tapes to the TV stations then…
Mario: Whatever…
Luigi: Hey, no one died again-
Just then, the Pokemon-shirted kid walked through the door, coinciding with Falcon's fury-induced Falcon Punch.
Luigi: Darn.
(A/N: Well, I used most of the good jokes in the first chapter…so this one's probably not quite as funny. Sorry; hope you like it anyway.)