A/N: If any of you still remember, this chapter originally contained a song I wrote in Latin. Clearly, it does not any longer. To reiterate, gratuitous swearing ensues.
Chapter III: Arcana Cordis (Secret Heart)
He had one of those dreams wherein one knows that he's sleeping and dreaming but not consciously wanting to wake up. He almost felt as if he was watching someone else enact what was supposed to be his own role.
He was running and running, though he couldn't comprehend for what purpose or from what. And there was darkness, too, everywhere, as if it had swallowed everything – thought and emotion and life – and it was chasing him. In some small part of his brain that was capable of coherent thought, he realized that he was probably terrified but somehow that didn't feel quite right.
He dared to look down, to see whether that gnawing thing on his lower body was really there, but all he could do was stare at his hands and gawk. Compared to the consuming darkness they glowed, an eerie deathly pallor, totally alien to him. The little cuts and calluses weren't his!
He tried to scratch at the skin, to tear the flesh so he wouldn't have to see it again; it didn't belong to him and it frightened him because, at the same time, it did. Something was bubbling in his stomach and in his throat but he didn't know what it was but it hurt! And then there were screams, or maybe laughter, but he couldn't tell which and didn't even know if it came from him and he couldn't take it off and there was blood, red and deep, so much unlike the darkness and his own pale, ghostly skin and his legs hurt from running so much but he couldn't stop because it would get him and his throat stung.
He stumbled and fell. He felt his legs buckle painfully under him, scraping against something sharp. The blood continued to pool and drip, drip, drip from hands that were not truly his. It hurt and he felt tears gathering, but that really couldn't be because he did not cry.
He felt invisible hands touch him, gently at first, like wisps of phantasms, then more urgently, tearing at his skin, sinking non-existent nails into his flesh, into his hair and along his face. He wanted to shield himself but the blood on his hands did not cease to gather and its vividness was truly horrifying. And inside... it hurt...
Rei woke up with moisture gathering in his eyes and a desperate breath escaping his lips. He sucked in greedy gulps of air, praying that he hadn't made enough noise in his slumber to wake the other occupants of the room; they'd have his ass for disrupting their precious beauty sleep. His heart and lungs felt heavy, his innards were churning, urging him to flee or puke. The raven-haired youth just closed his eyes tightly, willing the sensations away and knowing that they would, with time, disappear.
He bit the inside of his cheek, counting his every breath, as if having an exact amount would signify salvation, which in the wake of the nightmare could very well happen. Soon, the vision of blood against the paleness of his skin began to fade, he didn't feel the invisible touches along his face, and air came freely to his lungs. Tentatively, Rei cracked an eye open then the other, looking at his sleeping teammates, just to make sure. No one moved to reproach him; Takao shifted to lie on his stomach, one arm draping off the side of the bed, Maxie curled underneath his blanket, sticking a hand under his pillow, but no accusing stares. He sighed, glad.
Quietly, he shoved off the coverlet and slithered out of bed, heading for the door out of their dorm. Every level of the housing complexes had rotational patrols, to prevent anyone from entering (or leaving) unannounced, but a few nightly excursions had taught him their schedules and with practice he'd learned how to bypass them. He could hear the guards conversing softly just a little ways off, moving closer. He sucked in a breath and pretended to meld in with the shadows. Once they passed, Rei stealthily made his way past a long dark corridor and then the guard station, just before the back exit.
Outside it was uncannily quiet, but then, he didn't really expect anything else. During the weeks that he'd spent at the Academy Rei had learned that not many of the cadets were willing to stray out of boundaries, mostly due to harsh punishment (which he had had experience with) and sheer exhaustion. Unmindful that he was barefooted and wore little in the ways of clothing, the brunet made his way to the back of the building, where there was a garden of sorts. It wasn't much; no tall, grandiose trees or blue skies, but it was quiet and housed a couple of artificial plants.
With a small, shaking sigh, Rei plopped himself down on one of the several benches situated around the 'garden'. The fake moon seemed brighter tonight, he noted to himself, knowing full well that that was not possible. Still, it gave him some comfort. Only fragments of that dream had remained but Rei was familiar enough with it to know what happened next. He didn't know why he kept on having that same dream, but that didn't really matter because dreams were just that, images created by the subconscious mind. Sometimes the phantoms would take actual shapes of people he knew. Usually it was Lai or Kiki, staring accusingly at him but not saying anything, and sometimes it was one of his new friends – a younger blond named Oliver or Kenny, an auburn-haired bespectacled boy – looking miserably at him. On a couple of occasions he even dreamt of his Commander, stony faced and hard-jawed, glaring dangerously at him while tracing a hollow finger along his bottom lip.
Rei was not foolish or naive enough to believe that dreams had some metaphysical meaning. Dreams were no more than those brief interludes connecting the waking and the slumbering realms. Even so, the images were imbedded painfully into his retinas. He couldn't help but wonder whether he was running from Death, if the blood on his hands were his or not, if the screams were his friends' and he was the one that killed them. 'No! I'm not a murderer!' Rei told himself adamantly.
He took another glance at the moon, seeking guidance from it, and noted that the sky was much lighter; soon the dome's illumination system would turn on fully to begin the day. He wouldn't have much time to himself. Hands shaking slightly, Rei unclasped the silver necklace from around his neck. He didn't know how he came by it, from his mother most likely, before she died, when he was just an infant. He had not dared to part with it, even when his family had no money and hadn't eaten for days, he still refused to give it up. The pendant was an indistinguishable shape but he fancied it to be a tiger; he had heard stories about such creatures existing back in the ancient days, they were supposed to represent strength and grace. And oddly enough, it did give him strength.
Placing the memento back around his neck, he stood up lithely and crept back into the building, carefully avoiding the patrol guards. Back inside his dorm a couple of his teammates were already stirring, either from their own nightmares or with aide of internal clocks. Hastily, he walked back to his bed and crawled under his blanket, closing his eyes in feigned sleep.
Rei must have been very drained out by that dream because he found himself slowly drifting back to sleep. Before that could happen, however, a shrill alarm sounded off; it had been set up when his more sleep-attached teammates refused to wake up after several vigorous attempts. With a small lament at his slumber-less state, Rei rubbed at his eyes and pushed the blankets off again.
"But I dun wanna!" Came a muffled exclamation.
Rei turned to see Max pulling at Takao's blanket, who tugged back, trying to cocoon himself and then bury almost his entire upper body under his pillow. The brunet grinned while reaching for his toiletries.
"And it doesn't matter if you want to or not!" The blond said in response, puffing out his cheeks, annoyed. He pulled again, almost succeeding this time. "If you don't get out of bed Kai will have your head as decoration for his walls!"
Takao snorted, exasperated. "I'm sure he has enough bodily monuments, he wouldn't need to bother with another one."
Max sighed and dropped the coverlet, forcing nonchalance into his voice. "Fine, fine, do what you want. If you suddenly find yourself limbless the next day don't come running to me because, you know, I'll only shove it back into your face." With a small huff, the petit blond turned on his heel and began walking to the bathing room.
He was barely ten feet away when a deep blue eye peeked from its safe-haven under the pillow. Takao frowned, sticking out his head completely. "Hey, you didn't really mean that, did you Maxie?" He asked, a small tremor in his voice.
The blond didn't say anything, jutting his chin high and fastening his pace. Takao's jaw opened and closed pathetically, unable to form a sentence. Then, faster than Rei thought him capable of, he scrambled off the bed, stumbling when his feet got caught in the mass of blankets on the floor, and raced to his smaller friend.
"Hey, hey, hey!" He seized a hold of the blond's arm, tugging at it to gain some attention. Max promptly ignored him. "You know I didn't mean it like that! I just wanted to get some rest, Fates know that they drive us like dogs around here!"
Maxie continued to pointedly disregard Takao as the blue-haired boy hovered over him, stuttering excuses. Rei tried to contain a chuckle. Those two had the same fight every morning and they always made up before breakfast. The bond that had grown between the two of them was amazing to witness, especially knowing their different background. It was as if they weren't just comrades but also best friends. Despite himself, Rei felt a bit envious.
With a small, deceitfully cocky smirk, Rei followed his companions to the bathroom.
After a change of clothes (they were not allowed to wear their standard uniforms for the morning exercises) they made their way to where practices were held for their squad. Their cold-faced leader was already waiting for them there. The Commander no longer came for morning check-ups and their schedules also changed. They no longer had 'classes' but, rather, training and exercise sessions. Every morning there now were fitness drills before breakfast, tactile operations after that. That was to prepare them for the final stages of their training, or so Kai had said.
Rei resisted the urge to scowl when he was ordered to assemble into a line. Memories of that time in the training room haunted him, he could still hear Kai's words and that unnerved him. He resented Kai for making him admit it, hated himself that he did. The differences between their statuses were clearer than ever and Rei resented Kai for making them so apparent.
"This will be the last time you stay within these walls." Kai announced once his team settled down. "In two months' time you will be sent to fulfil your duty at the western front. For the remainder of those two months, you will initiate into the last part of your training. Later today this entire squadron will be re-located to the southernmost part of the Academy. A month after that you will be moved closer to the western border to complete your training."
He allowed the quiet murmur to spread. He knew that the prospect was not favourable, especially since many of these men had found a new home in the Academy. Even he, who had always known to expect it, was a little uneasy.
At a much less authoritative tone, he continued. "From now on, you will not be taught how to think like a soldier, you will be taught to how to fight and subsequently die like one. Today I'll teach you the first defensive manoeuvres." Of their own volition, Kai's eyes trained on Rei and narrowed. He noticed that the raven-haired youth was almost bristling."Kon, help me to demonstrate."
An arrogant smirk planted firmly on his lips, Rei stepped forward, unaware of the wary stares he received from his teammates. Kai had won their last fight, he would not give him the satisfaction of victory a second time.
Coming to stand opposite the man Rei tucked his rope of hair into his shirt, not wanting a repeat occurrence of last time, and bowed politely. Kai mirrored his action, though to the brunet it seemed a mockery of its original purpose. He flexed his muscles in anticipation, taking a defensive stance.
"Ready to play?" He said under his breath, acid dripping, before straightening from his bow and sending a scathing look to the other.
The ire in those golden eyes was enough to leave him breathless. So much passion, so much emotion, all for him? Kai didn't think he deserved to have somebody to feel that strongly about him. Yet at the same time he savoured it, gloated at the fact that he and he alone was able to see this golden, furious flame. And maybe he could fool himself to believe that that gaze, that passion was special, only for him. As much as he hated to admit, it excited him. It was like a taste of poison or glass candy. It was wonderful and addictive but it hurt, too, and that made him crave it even more. Every acidly exchanged word, every scathing look made him want to have another, and another and then more, until he owned everything.
At Rei's words he felt his heart begin to pump faster, the blood in his veins rushed at a maddening pace; it was almost dizzying.
"The best defence in a battle is to always overestimate your opponent," he said, remembering how he had not followed that same advice a couple of weeks prior.
Before he could rid himself of that thought and faster than he could blink, Rei had pulled back his arm and thrown a punch for his abdomen. Kai, of course, had anticipated that and grabbed the fist before it could come in contact with his body.
Their audience oohed at the move.
Kai tightened his grip on the other's fist for just a second before dropping it. Not turning to face his team, he said, "Always remember that your opponent may not necessarily find any honour in a battle —"
Rei hissed lowly under his breath, "Does honour mean pulling on your opponent's hair?"
Kai ignored him, continuing, "And as such he may throw a blow before you are prepared, in which case, too bad, you lose. Had I not been ready for Kon's punch and had he been a real enemy with a real weapon, I would not be breathing, still."
As soon as he finished his sentence, Rei delivered a high kick with his right leg, then pivoted around for another sweeping kick. The first one Kai blocked with the back of his forearm, the second one he also dodged though barely. He ignored the spectators' reactions, narrowing his gaze at Rei.
"What are you waiting for? Attack me!" The brunet said scathingly, quietly, just for the two of them to hear.
"That is why you must devote all your attention to your opponent. You cannot allow him to catch you off guard because that can, and will, be your downfall." Kai said without missing a beat. Rei noted that his breathing was still normal; his ire swelled up.
The raven-haired youth charged at the other, his fists aimed at Kai's upper torso, where he knew it would hurt most. One after another, his hands were seized in Kai's. He jerked away from the grasp but the hold on them was only tightened. Undeterred still, Rei kicked at the other's foot but that move, too, was stopped before it could be dealt. For all of ten seconds, the brunet remained motionless, caught and doubtful whether he should make the next move. He did notice, however, that his hands folded nicely into the other's, which weren't as cold as he had imagined them to be.
Exhilarated and hiding it well, Kai let a small, victorious grin to tug on his lips."And this brings up rule of combat number two: never let your emotions control you." He watched Rei's eyes widen slightly at his words before one inky eyebrow rose up challengingly, his lips twitching just so.
"You can't evade forever, Commander," Rei whispered, trying to sound haughty. "Surely you must realize that no battle can be won without going for the offensive. Now c'mon, hit me!"
The tone in his voice was more than just inviting, it was downright daring. A mix of adventure, danger. Kai never backed down from a challenge.
All too quickly, he released one fist and brought his elbow down on Rei's back, then kneed him in the stomach before he could recover. Kicking off with the same foot, Kai pirouetted to hit the other in the ribs and on the side of the face. Rei staggered backwards, feeling copper-tasting blood fill his mouth. To the brunet's credit, he didn't utter a sound, biting his lip. Kai noticed his lips puff out slightly with the rush of blood, their colour darkening to almost dusty rose.
Rei was holding on to his abdomen and where the kick landed on his ribs. His cheek stung, a nasty bruise already forming. He grinned and a drip of crimson escaped from the corner of his mouth. "I see you finally gained some common sense," he taunted the other, letting his eyes stray over the other's poised body for effect of nonchalance.
Kai gave a noncommittal grunt in response. Taking that as an invitation, Rei rushed at him. The onlookers watched in amazement, for what happened next was so fast that it seem like nothing but blurs of movement. One punch was thrown after another, the Kai evaded to the side, thrusting out with his leg, to which the brunet answered with a semi-somersault and a series of high kicks. The two sprang away from each other, breathing heavily. Kai made a motion to lunge at his opponent; Rei blocked him, preventing him from moving.
Up close, Rei noticed the fine beads of sweat slithering down the side of Kai's face, rolling down to disappear underneath his shirt. "So what's the deal with the new place, O Glorious Leader? Growing tired of us?"
Kai snorted softly and tried to deliver a punch, thinking that he could take the other's pre-occupation to his advantage. "You shouldn't be complaining to me; I'm coming with you after all."
Rei smirked, preventing the attack and lunging his own. "We can't just get rid of you that easily, can we?" He made a clicking noise with his tongue, springing away from Kai for another round. "Some bastards are just so hard to get rid of."
The Commander growled deeply in his throat. For the next couple of minutes they were a mesh of limbs, throwing fists and driving kicks. Kai felt as if fire had been set to his entire body and Kon had been urging it on. Adrenalin and pure thirst to be the victor gushed in his veins. Rei was an equal opponent, both in skill and ferocity. Their punches was evenly matched, as was the intensity. And, maybe, on some level, they weren't just fighting for demonstration or to prove a point to the other.
Rei dealt a roundhouse kick. He had not expected to be so angry at the other man, didn't even know why that was so. He just wanted to push Kai, to see if he bled the same crimson blood as he, whether he felt anything at all.
"Do you think we're that expendable?" He spat out angrily, dodging a left hook. "You think that just because we're not as rich or high as you are we can be just sacrificed!"
Kai bit back a snarl, furious at Rei for introducing a personal note into the conversation. He had no right to address him like that, to talk to him like he understood the complexities of his position. He lunged an aggressive series of punches, mentally trying to transmit how irate he was. "Shut up, Kon. What I do and how I choose to do it is none of your business."
Rei ignored him, continuing,"So, what? You think you're God around here? You think you're so damn fucking perfect that you can tell real people – not one of those computer-generated toys – what to do and be just because you deem yourself qualified to! Well screw you and may you rot forever in Hell!"
Kei felt the same sensation that ran through him the last time they fought course through his veins. Anger, hate and spite and every other emotion he could fathom all meshed into one, blinding him. He rushed at Rei, kicking and punching but not really comprehending much beyond that. He could barely distinguish the metallic taste of blood on his tongue; he had long since forgotten that they weren't alone and that violence between cadets was prohibited.
"You're just a selfish bastard!" Rei spat out. The things he said didn't make much sense to him, just that he wanted to say something – accuse the other of some crime he did not necessarily commit. "You're a fucking icicle, that's what you are! Do you even know what it is to feel pain? Have you ever lost someone you loved? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that you don't know how to do that!"
Struggling to keep his voice neutral, Kai ground out in warning,"You're stepping out of the bounds, Kon."
"Really?" Rei made an attempt at a snort, forcing malice into his voice."Well, la-li-fucking-da! I may not know much about you, and I wouldn't give a flying fuck either way, but I do know one thing and that is that caring for people in not a crime! You, on the other hand, can't even conceive the concept!"
"And how do you know that? You don't even give a shit about me! How could you know how I think and feel?" The intensity in his own voice was startling, totally unfamiliar with him, but Kai didn't even notice in the heat of the fight.
"Isn't this what you were trained to be?" Rei growled, blocking a powerful kick. "The only thing you know is Death!"
Rei bit his lip, evading to the side of a kick and then rushing for the brief opening he saw in Kai's side. The other man couldn't block in time but counterattacked with a few well-placed punches.
While all his raged on, their spectators watched, mesmerized. It was a shocking display of speed, agility and sheer, stubborn will. Neither of the two gave way, ducking and kicking with almost practised grace. It was like dark and light had engaged into a battle for dominance; but the winner was uncertain. The entire practice area was silent but for the heatedly exchanged words, the meaning of which had been lost in the awe of the moment, and for the sounds of flesh meeting flesh.
Kai stumbled on his feet, springing away from his opponent. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, his hair drooped into his eyes; he flicked them away carelessly, wiping the perspiration from the side of his face. His hand came away with small traces of pink. He swore under his breath but lunged into another attack nonetheless. He knew that neither of them would give up as long as they still had breath in their bodies. And that was just fine with him; he didn't want to lose to Kon, because that would mean his surrender, and that was simply unacceptable, especially in this case.
Rei watched Kai stagger slightly and managed a lopsided smirk. For the moment he had the advantage, but that would soon change as his opponent was not one to be left behind for long. His own body hurt in all the places hits have been dealt, he couldn't even remember half of them, but that didn't really matter.
"What? Do you give up, Commander?" He taunted the other while they regained their breath. "Too tired? Why, if I'd know you were so fragile I would have gone easy on you!"
Kai growled and lunged again. "Stuff it, Kon."
This little war of forces continued until a resounding clap reverberated through the arena. Startled with the interruption, both paused in mid-attack, realizing for the first time where they were. Their heavy breaths could be heard echoing throughout, everything else silent but for the persistent clapping. It was almost like everything else had faded to give them this respite. Kai, having Rei's collar in a death-grip, released his opponent and glared at the redheaded figure who was the source of the interruption. Tala was still applauding from the shade of a pseudo-Greek column, his angular face tilted just mocking so.
Rei noticed the heavy rise and fall of Kai's chest, the slight narrowing of his garnet eyes and the almost imperceptible twitch of his lips. He turned to face the newcomer. He wondered why this new person had this sort of effect on his cold, impenetrable Commander and that angered him somewhat. Kai didn't even have the guts to appreciate his own team but this redhead was worthy of his attentions?
"Bravo!" Tala called out across the silence disentangling himself from the column. "What a spectacular show! Any chance for a repeat occurrence? Or will granddaddy-poo be too ashamed? We can't have the Iceman suffer the punishment, can we?"
Rei raised one fine eyebrow at this, briefly glancing at Kai from the corner of his eye. What was this redhead talking about. He shrugged the question, passing it up for another time to scrutinize.
Kai snarled softly. "Stick to your own business, Tala"
This youth, Tala, clicked his tongue, bracing himself on one foot. "My, my, aren't you edgy? Did a cat catch you by surprise?"
Kai ignored him and for the first time since the beginning of the ‛lesson' turned to his team. They all were more or less gawking at the three of them. "That's enough demonstrating for today," he said lowly but it somehow sounded loud in the arena. "Hit the showers then head to Mess Hall for breakfast."
The tone in his voice suggested no arguments, lest one decided on a quick death then and there, and all of them scampered back inside the dormitories. With a small, almost patronizing glare at Tala from atop his nose, Kai headed inside as well. Confused and slightly irritated at the interruption, Rei glanced in the redhead's general direction and followed along.
"Hey, you!"
He was almost out of the arena when Tala's highly mocking voice stopped him. He turned on his heel, obediently keeping his posture straight and chin raised, as was protocol when facing a commanding officer.
"That was a great match," Tala said slowly, like talking to a child. A lazy smile spread across his lips. The expression seemed decidedly feline to Rei. He didn't like it at all.
"Thank you, Sir," Rei replied curtly, bowing politely. Something in the other's demeanour told him to be very cautious.
If anything, Tala's grin seemed to widen and almost dampened. "You're dismissed," he said in that indolent drawl.
Back stiff, Rei turned and walked off, all too aware of the icy-blue gaze following his every move. Tinny pinpricks ran along his spine, making the fine hairs on his nape stand up. He ignored the various aches and pains seizing at his body, refusing to show the redhead anything but a strong front. For some reason, it was important for him not to show any weaknesses in front of this man.
When he was in the confines of his own dorm Rei finally allowed his exhausted body to rest. Not minding where he was or who might see him, he braced himself against the nearest wall and let himself slide down it. It hurt, but at the moment he welcomed that pain; it confirmed that what had occurred earlier was, in fact, real and not made up by his imagination. He allowed a small, tired smile to grace his lips and rubbed at the bruise forming on his cheek. His teammate's voices drifted almost liltingly from the bathroom.
"Wow! Wow, wow... wow!"
Rei looked up at Takao with a small smile, saluting with his glass of undistinguishable non-alcoholic liquid. The navy-haired boy bounced on the balls of his feet, engaging into a long spiel of excited exclamations. Beside him, Maxie was just as eager, though he wasn't trying to beat the fastest speech record, unlike his friend. The other patrons of the bar they were in drowned out most of the noise, however, so their conversation was lost to unwanted ears.
After the demonstration match, breakfast and a brief moment to gather personal things, the entire division, composing of more than a hundred men, headed out to the transportation pods for their re-location. Word of the spar between the icy Commander and the low-life cadet spread through the entire Academy like wildfire. By the time they had arrived at their new location, every trainee and officer wanted to meet with this "dark-haired beast" that managed to not only survive, but to also equally match the Hiwatari heir. The only down side was that Voltaire had heard as well and requested an urgent audience with his grandson.
It was almost twenty-three hundred hours and Kai had yet to show up from his meeting with Voltaire. In some small way, Rei felt glad that the other man was in trouble. It was his own fault; if he didn't want to suffer the consequences then he shouldn't have retaliated against him so rashly. But at the same time, Rei felt a pang of guilt. He was the one who challenged Kai, he initiated it in the first place, all those weeks ago in the training centre. If it wasn't for him, Kai wouldn't be in trouble.
Rei could still feel the after-effect of that fight, still pulsing along his veins. Bruises and lacerations still covered his body. He felt that his ability to withstand such trifle pains showcased just how strong he was.
"Dude! I thought you were gonna kill each other or somethin'!" Rei glanced up again at Takao, hiding a furtive smirk by his glass."Man, that was totally awesome! Like two colossal powers joining or somethin' poetic like that! Can you teach me how to do that?"
The brunet took a swing of his beverage, enjoying the fiery rush of the beverage as it travelled downward. He tilted his head to the side, making a production of inspecting his friend studiously. Clicking his tongue, his said before taking another sip, "Nope, sorry, you don't have the physique necessary for moves like that."
Takao's face wilted for all of two seconds before he started in again. "Please? Oh pleasepleaseplease? I swear – I'll be the most perfectest student ever!—" He halted in thought, then his face scrunched up in mock outrage. "Hey! Don't have the right physique! What's that supposed to mean?"
Rei chuckled. "Relax, Takao. All I meant was that for someone with your... stature it would be pretty hard to execute moves like that."
Two angry spots of red appeared on the younger boy's cheeks. He fisted his hands, puffing out his chest. "I dare you to say that again, Rei! And you'll be so sorry if you do!"
The brunet got that same defiant glint in his eyes as when Kai called him out for that demonstration. Cocking his head to the side, he opened his mouth for a smart retort when Max's bubbly voice interrupted him.
"The two of you fought with such passion." The blond said almost off-offhandedly. Rei found himself flushing at the comment. "Do you have a personal vendetta against each other or something?"
Rei felt the humour drain out of him. Taking a long sip of his drink, he said dryly, "No, he just owned me a rematch." Which was partially the truth, anyway, just that he felt that there was more to their fight than just wanting to redeem himself. What that something was he didn't want to dwell on at the moment, still too wired up from earlier that day.
Seeing Rei's reluctance to elaborate, Max chose not to prod. Maybe it was the way the two of them had looked at each other, or maybe it was just that spark he noticed between them, but it was clear to the blond that there was definitely something between the Commander and his friend. It worried him slightly, but he attributed that to not knowing the full picture. Whatever it was, he told himself, Rei would tell him if he wanted to.
"Hey, are you going to finish that?"
Both the blond and the brunet were startled by Takao's simple question, who'd already forgotten that he might have very well been insulted not five minutes ago. Rei looked questioningly at the blue-haired boy.
"The food, dude, are you going to finish it?" Takao repeated, pointing to said item.
Curiously, Rei looked down at the 'food' in front of him. Grimacing, he picked up the smallish metallic container, examining it with a frown. He snorted. "New clothes, new place to live, new friend, new life – but the same disgusting grey mush." He sighed dramatically for effect, muttering a soft lament for the poor, poor whatever-it-was in the container.
"Soooo?" The blue-haired boy intoned, growing impatient. "Are you going to give me your food or not?"
Rei glanced incredulously at his friend. "Takao, for all you know this stuff could be something poisonous. How would you like to dine on one of those five-legged rats that we had back in Sector 5? Not so pleasant now, is it?"
Takao's mouth resembled a very comical 'o'. Blinking a couple of times, he exclaimed, "No way, dude! Dun tell me you had those rats, too? There were so many of them where I lived!"
Rei laughed at that statement. "Weren't they atrocious?"
Takao grinned cheekily. "Naw, I think they were pretty cool! I remember getting together with the rest of my buds, trying to see if it could – I dunno – run faster or somethin' with its extra leg!"
The dark-haired boy smiled at the memory. "Aa, I remember doing something like that, too, when I was growing up."
Takao guffawed loudly, throwing his head back. Just then, a small-sounding voice stopped him.
"Y-you're not serious are you?" Max asked, his blue eyes as wide as saucers. "There really aren't any of those rats, are there?"
Rei chucked to himself, taking another sip of his drink; he had forgotten that Max didn't grow up in the slums like he had, so naturally such things were unheard of to him. Takao grinned impudently and slung an arm around the petit boy's shoulders. "Afraid so, Blondie," he said in what he presumed was a forlorn voice.
The small blond seemed to pale at the concept, his eyes growing even bigger. Hastily, he dropped his own metallic container of food on the table, pushing it as far away as possible. Takao laughed at this, while Rei stifled his chuckles with his drink. When the mirth ceased, the brunet felt a sort of lightness take over him; like everything at that moment was fine, perfect in fact.
"So," Takao began again, taking on a casual tone, "about that food...?"
While Rei was sitting at the dimly lit bar with his friends, Kai had just arrived at their new location. He'd been there only a couple of times before that but he knew his way around enough to make it to where trainees were housed. This section of the Academy was a new addition, requested specifically by Voltaire. It was located in the southernmost district of Sector 1 and was designed specifically for field training programs. More than half of this division was artificially recreated tropical forests and other training arenas; the housing complexes and recreational establishments took up the other part.
Kai glared darkly at the air, wanting it to shrivel up before him. He was in a very foul mood and he'd be damned if he suffered alone. The match between Rei had left him feeling both edgy and empty. He wanted nothing more than have Tala's pompous head for the interruption, and for just being a noisy prick. His body was sore all over and he was going to have to take those drugs again; his day couldn't have gotten any better. And, as if to add insult to injury, immediately after hearing about his fight with Kon his grandfather sent for him. What ensued seemed like hours of pointless bantering between the two.
Kai growled deeply in his throat, clenching his fists to get rid of the unpleasant thought. He did not want to think about Voltaire, or Rei for that matter. Rei had too much influence over him and that wasn't a good sign in his books.
Suddenly, a noise, like a chortle, halted him. Kai stood still, not even daring to breathe. The sound was coming from his right, where the buildings towered to create an illusion of ominous-ness. He was about to continue on his way and his dismal glaring when a second noise followed. Cautious, and maybe even a bit curious, he stalked to were the sound was originating, his face a stony mask.
He was prepared to meet a group of conversing cadets, or even a spy for the other side on a reconnaissance mission, but Kai was not prepared to see a drunken man slumped against the wall. Alcohol was prohibited on Academy grounds, it's usage a high crime; so this man must have smuggled some in from other districts. The man seemed to notice him because he looked up and smiled a wide, shaky smile.
"Ah, officer, are you here to take me away?" He asked almost sleepily; Kai noticed that his eyes were a very pale cobalt blue. "Won't you let me have some more? It's late and I think, um... hmm... I don't know what I think, but that doesn't matter now, doesn't it?"
Kai didn't say anything in response, looking at the man with one eyebrow raised. The drunkard shrugged lazily with one shoulder, taking a long gulp of his drink. "Here, take a seat won't you, boy?" He gestured to the ground. Kai's first instinct was to sneer down on him and then walk away, but despite himself, he found himself sliding along the opposite wall. The man went on. "How old are ya?"
Kai took a long moment to survey the man before replying. He appeared well beyond his prime, with a rounded girth to his bones and sagging skin in places. His hair was grey and drooped haphazardly around his face, which seemed oddly angular with protruding bones and scarred flesh. But his eyes — it was the man's eyes that stood out the most. Everything else seemed almost dull and dead in comparison, like a shadow of the man he used to be. The eyes however remained alive, the only specks of colour in an otherwise grey realm.
"I'm twenty-two," he replied slowly after the long pause, watching the man for any negative reaction.
The sot smiled another toothy, indulgent smile. "Aa, so young. It's nice, isn't it? You must have everything." He seemed to pause in thought, then proffered his bottle to Kai. "Want some? It's ale; not very easy to come by nowadays. Like trying to find fish in the sea."
Kai shook his head negative. Instead, he asked, "What are you doing here?"
The man shrugged again, taking a swing of his ale. "Hm. I'm there and there, and sometimes I feel like I'm everywhere, I think, but that isn't really important. You're here, too, you know, which means that we're both here. Now why we're here is a different matter all together, but that doesn't matter either. We just are."
Kai raised his brow in question but didn't say anything. It didn't seem as if the man was even talking to him.
The drunk leaned his head against the wall and remained that way for some time, taking occasional sips of his drink. Eventually, he continued. "It's like a dream, you know? Like a wonderful and beautiful and swirling dream. But it's horrible, too, you know? You wake up screaming because it's too painful and all you see is the blood and yourself and them, and you want to escape it all and never dream again but at the same time you want to keep on dreaming... maybe you have nothing else to do but dream. Or maybe you don't dream at all; maybe you're just dead and keep on having to wake up from that mortal sleep only to go on and then die again with each onset of night.
"Aa, Death." The man smiled again, fondly almost, closing his eyes briefly as if in memory. "Death is a jealous old whore. She has the grace to step down from her ebony throne in Elysium and dance among the living. She takes her choice of paramours, regardless of beauty, sex or power, then flirts with them, coquettishly, and takes them with one final, fatal kiss." He smacked his chapped lips together in an imitation of said kiss, slurring saliva and alcohol on his chin, then took a long drag of his ale. Kai bit back the instinct to flinch, undeterred by the disgusting image.
"But you know," the man continued, unmindful that his companion had not said anything for a good ten, fifteen minutes, "Death is very envious. She has to be victorious; can't really take it any other way. And she loves war as well. So much blood lost. I wonder, do those people realize it, or do they just think that having a sense of duty gives them the right to give and take life at will? Hm... But She's not that bad, Death is. She's the only constant thing in this world. You may change, and so might the next person, and everything might change – but Death will always remain. She's a benefactor, you see. She takes away the suffering to bring an eternal, blissful nothing. Heh, never expected Death to be benevolent, have you boy?"
The man glanced at Kai for the first time since his speech began. His eyes were misted, glazed over with alcohol and near-comprehension and a sort of ageless tiredness. It scared Kai somewhat, but not like a petrifying fear, rather a fear that slowly ate at his sinews, wrapping along his spleen. Dimly, he was aware that he was nodding to the man's obscure question.
The drunk sent him another big smile. He glanced at the ground and that smile seemed to fade and die in on itself. "But, then," he began anew and his tone sounded almost wounded, "...why does it hurt? I keep on seeing their faces – in dreams and nightmares; wherever you are, you're always are aware of them, and you know, you know that you caused their deaths. Have you ever seen the real Death, boy? Have you? It's terrifying... it's like... nothing..." The man made a small, strangled chuckling noise in his throat, almost desperate.
"I'm a soldier." Offered Kai in answer.
The drunk looked at him long and hard, those pale eyes seeing right through him, like he was not there at all. "Aa. I was a soldier once, too. The best in the squad! I thought that being strong meant that I could endure anything, that I could shift mountains with my bare hands. I thought that the more people I could kill the more glorious my life would be. But... why do I keep on seeing their faces? Why? Why? Oh, fuck it, why?" His voice cracked with a strangled half-sob and he tried to stifle it by taking another sip of his ale. "...There... there was this boy, and I remember fighting him and thinking that he was way too young but then he was screaming something and charging at me and his blood was everywhere... God, my hands, I can still feel his blood on my hands... and... and..." he broke off stuttering, pointing with his finger at the air as if drawing a dotted picture."... And... this... there was another, a friend... I thought we were gonna come out of the war together and marry on the same day and have children and live to be old... I still remember the look on his face when he died..."
Tears were swelling up in his eyes. Given their pale shade and the added glaze of tears, it almost seemed as if he was sightless, blind with pain and memory. Kai didn't say anything, didn't even dare to move. Eventually, the slight sobs that rocked the drunkard's body ceased, replaced with occasional hiccoughs. He looked up at Kai, but still his eyes were unseeing. The youth noted how the line in the man's jaws hardened, as if he was trying to suppress his anger.
"What is it that you want, boy?" He asked, and sure enough, there was a fury in his voice, but there was destitute as well. He went on before Kai could utter an answer. "Is it glory? Fame? You seek the spoils of war so you could harness them and come on top, shining, isn't it?" Then the man's tone mellowed to a sort of melancholy. "Say you do survive this, say you become a hero, what then? Sure they'll know your name for a year, two, a decade, maybe, but after that, what it'll be then? You'll disappear forever, from memory and from existence. And if no body knows who you are, then do you truly exist, as the hero you made yourself out to be, or do you just keep on drifting and drifting with the same dream of grandeur? Tell me, boy, is that what you're seeking? You've never seen your men die, have you?"
Kai didn't say anything, scowling darkly at the drunk, or trying to anyway. The man shrugged and took a long drag of his ale. Kai noticed how worn the man appeared. It was as if the life had been sucked dry out of him, leaving him an empty, hollow shell. A sort of petrifying numbness spread over the him, though he couldn't quite determine why.
This drunkard's words, though jumbled, had some truth to them, almost like an epiphany. In a way, he had always known this to be the truth, just that he never really put it in a coherent context. And now it seemed almost terrifying, to hear it voiced out loud. Kai claimed that he did not fear Death, but then, did he really know what it was? He'd heard of it, even studied it from books, but he'd never been on the receiving end of it.
What would he do when it came? He didn't care enough about himself dying, but what about other people? Rei had lied when he called him uncaring. Kai did care, though he refused to show it. He cared about all the people of his country, of the world. About the innocent, and the women and the unborn babies. He would give his life for them, he had decided a long time ago.
There was an ache of sorts inside of him. Like a scratch he couldn't quite reach, and he wanted to. He was missing something in that equation, but what? He didn't know, wouldn't ever, most likely.
After a long while, the lazy smile returned to the man's lips. He blinked un-synchronically at Kai, holding up his drink once more. "But ale," he crooned, "ale is the only dependable thing, is all I say. You can never be lonely or afraid with ale, my boy. It's not cold or anythin' but you sure you don't want some?"
Kai shook his head, forcing on a half-grin, just to show that he wasn't feeling as defeated as he was. It didn't fool him.
It was several days later that real training began. Needless to say, it was beyond exhaustive. Every day, Rei crawled in the bed wishing that he could never wake up again. His body seemed to hurt everywhere and it was a strain to stifle weary groans. Everyday was composed of various exercise routines, each one difficult and strenuous. The day before they had an obstacle course that left nearly half his team with permanent scars. Takao still bragged about the cool new mark he got on his forehead; he said it made him look macho and served as a memento, to show his future kids.
This day, however, it was a much different drill. This one was going to last for a week in the recreated rainforest. The objective of the mission was still unclear to them. It was two teams of twenty-five against each other and everyone participated. Rei glowered mentally at the concept. Fantastic; he was going to be stuck with his icicle of a Commander for a week. Sharing the same space and air; it unnerved him.
Things have not become any smoother between them since their match. If anything, relations between them grew even more tense. Whenever they were in each other's company, petty bickering would ensue. Always it was about Kai being a selfish, uncaring bastard and Rei being a filthy, unworthy rat. And then there would also be glaring fights between them. It was almost tiring. As fun as the prospect seemed, Rei would hate to constantly be at each other's throats with Kai. They had to survive together on this mission, didn't they? That included being civil to each other, and to cooperate, actually. Not surprisingly, that thought was not very appealing to him.
He allowed himself to wallow in thought a second more before hefting the duffel bag he would need for mission on his shoulder and stalked out of the room with the rest of his friends.
"Isn't this exciting?" Asked a mousy-haired bespectacled boy, Kenny.
Rei just shrugged, indicating that he was in a cross between not caring and hating the fact that his commanding officer would be there as well.
"It's not exciting!" Whined Takao, rubbing at his sleep-crusted eyes. "It's torture! How do they expect us to get up so early?" He was ignored for the most part; Max patted him in condolence.
The artificial training grounds were located within walking distance of the sleeping complexes. Halfway there, Kai joined them, his own bag of supplies slung around his shoulder. He barked instructions authoritatively, also briefing the mission parameters. Voltaire had warned him about any other slip-ups concerning his team (and Rei in particular). He growled at the memory. Kai wasn't about to let these weaklings dig him into a deeper hole with Hiwatari.
He led his team to a stop before the entrance to the training grounds. A wall of glass separated it from the rest of the Academy, to prevent vandalism, it was said. Kai turned to his teammates, surveying them with a glare. "Take a deep breath of air all of you," he stated with false venom in his voice,"because you will not exit this place before the week is up – unless you befall unfortunate circumstances. Keep in mind that the weapons here are real. This is a survival mission, not a game. You are not allowed to kill any of the other side and vice versa. If you come to be seriously injured, consider yourself dead. Also, I will not tolerate any brave or daring acts.
"A base has been allotted to each side. Our's the easternmost one. Once tent is set up, there will be a weapons inspection. The mission officially begins at eighteen hundred hours." With that, he punched in the code on the computer pad next to the entrance.
The doors opened with a light swish. Immediately, hot humid air assaulted them. Rei shut his eyes, turning his face away. He had never been in a forest, had imagined it to be beautiful glens (like the one Kai showed him), but seeing the mass of trees shattered his ideal. He stepped onto the soft glass, shrinking back slightly when the soles of the soft slippers he preferred to wear soaked completely through. The doors closed behind him with another swish. He felt as is he was trapped.
He looked up. These trees were much different from the ones in the training room. Here they towered, almost touching the ceiling and obscured the 'sky'; a few meagre rays of light escaped through the broad leaves. There was a sort of adulterated filthy smell, like musty or decaying plants – or flesh. Rei scrunched up his nose, trying to breathe from his mouth. It was hot as well; even with a simple shirt on he found himself beginning to sweat. The youth undid the first few buttons of his shirt; he noticed the others follow his example, even Kai.
They set out for their base soon after that. The trees seemed to purposely bar their path. Rei had to jump over several fallen logs and bend over low-hanging branches; small tears were beginning to from on his clothes. Ahead of him he saw Kai slash down a couple of overhanging roots with a machete that's he'd brought with him. Rei narrowed his eyes at this. Their leader seemed to forget to mention something of that sort to them.
He shook his head to get rid of the thought and the noises the others created, concentrating on his own path. This place, he thought, seemed almost malicious. Even though the dome's system provided enough light to blind a man, this place was dark. Rei ignored the urge to look around him, in case anything lingered in the shades of the trees. Every little noise seemed out of place. The soft crunching of twigs and leaves under his feet felt to come from some other place. Other than the quiet murmurs of the others and the movement of Kai's sword, everything was deathly silent, as if sound was suddenly removed from this place.
He narrowed his eyes and sped up a bit, just close enough to his leader to hear him suck in deep breaths and to see his exposed forearms coated in sweat. He smirked indulgently.
"If you want," he began with drawl, "I can take over for you – if you're tired."
Kai glared at him from the corner of his eyes. "What would it matter to you, Kon? Aren't you supposed to be basking in that fact?"
Rei shrugged one shoulder carelessly. The steam from their last fight had dissipated. He saw nothing wrong with teasing his taciturn Commander. He let a slow, caressing grin spread over his lips. "I was just wondering – you know, actually being worried; can you even understand that? – about you. We can't have our leader getting sick on us. Why, what would we do without you?"
Kai glowered at him, picking up pace. "Stop playing games," he threw over his shoulder.
Feeling ire swell up again, the brunet called out in what he hoped was a mock-scandalized voice, "Who said I was playing? And I do remember you saying something about this not being a game."
Kai just disappeared into the greenery, leaving a trail of emaciated tree branches. Rei resisted the urge to puff out his cheeks in annoyance.
After that there was a flurry of activity. Their base was located is a small clearing, the larger of the tents were already set up as were the cooking equipment – Takao virtually squealed at the prospect of real cooked food; individual tents had to be installed, though. Each tent would hold five people, it was decided, with the main tent (which also served as headquarters) would be Kai's. After the tent arrangements were decided, which was a long and painful ordeal, came lunch, and it, too, was horrible because not many of them could cook. And so it was with a foul mood that everyone met for the first official meeting of the mission.
Kai stood over the large makeshift desk, an arm braced against an edge. He rubbed at his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "This," he said, pointing to a dotted circle on the digitalized map that was spread over his desk, "is where the enemy base is. This –" he pointed to another location,"is where we are. The objective of this mission is to, basically, outlive the other side. Not only that, but we must also capture their battle plans, internal information, weapon's inventory, et cetera."
He looked around the table at his men. Some were nodding in agreement, others were rotating between fidgeting nervously and inspecting the map. "In addition, there will also be several physical confrontations between our two teams; this is necessary to complete the mission."
"And when will those be?" Rei asked, glaring hard at Kai.
His garnet gaze lingered on the brunet for a second before he replied with a shrug of a shoulder. "That will depend on the situation. In cases where it is a surprise attack or you are outnumbered, you have to return to base. I don't want to lose men on the count of self-righteousness."
"So what do we do now?" Someone else asked, biting his lip nervously.
Kai thought about it for a moment. The other team had started a day before them – it was necessary to give one team advantage over the other at the beginning – so they had the time to set up defences. "I'll send a scout for a reconnaissance mission. We need to gather information about their statistics before we do anything."
"Who do you suggest to go?" Rei asked again. Had Kai been paying attention to him, he would have noticed that those golden eyes had not strayed for him.
Kai's glanced was long and piercing. "You," he answered, simply.
Rei gave him a dirty look. Forcing on a sneer, he asked, "Why?"
He turned back to gaze at the map, saying,"Because you're the fastest one I've got. Speed is crucial in investigative missions. It could mean life or death."
Rei growled under his breath. No one else volunteered to take the job.
After a half an hour or so of discussion, the team dissipated to its own posts. Rei was send back to his tent, which he (naturally) shared with Takao and Max, to change into darker clothes. Kai had said that the task, though only basic, would still entail some risks. Darker, looser clothes made for stealth, as well as room for any documented information he could find. Re-tying his long hair, he fastened a small, lightly curved sword to his hip and strapped on the water flask he thought he would need.
With the onset of dark, he walked to the edge of the clearing, prepared to – as Takao put it – get tumbling. He noticed a couple of the others stalk out from their tents or posts, watching his progress with large, frightened eyes. The brunet was very much aware that his Commander was not among those assembled. He pulled on a haughty smirk, clicking his tongue, winking at them.
"See you guys in the morning," he said before he crossed the threshold that divided the clearing from the darkness.
And almost instantly he had the sensation of being swallowed whole. Wherever he looked, shadows loomed. He couldn't hear the noises coming from the camp, could barely even hear his own breathing. Almost as if everything else had been wiped out. He then realized that nothing existed in this forest except soldiers. The absence of living creatures was what gave the forest the foreboding atmosphere.
Eventually, the murkiness cleared before his eyes, replaced instead with an otherworldly greyness of sorts. He grinned to himself, thinking that it would be a fun excursion. Deftly, he leapt up and over a fallen tree. Picking up the impetus from the jump, he sprang from the low root of the next tree, and then the one after that, half-running. To the left and to the right he swirled and ducked, skittering over branches and roots; it looked almost like he was gliding on air. The brunet smiled at the air rushing through his hair and against his skin.
Ten minutes into his run, his heart was beating hard in his chest. He paused to rest and survey how far he'd gone. Crouching low to the ground, he took a sip of the cold water in his flask, splashing some onto his hands and rubbing the moisture into the hot skin of his nape and chest. He then took out the digital mini-map and compass he was given just before leaving. Confirming his suspicions, he put the map back into its compartment in his trousers and fastened the water flask back around his shoulders. He was about ten kilometres southwest from the enemy base; his next course of action was crucial.
At a much slower pace, Rei ran to the determined direction, careful to be light on his feet. He gathered that the other team had either motion or sound detectors set up. The brunet was confident that he would be able to 'disappear' before the indicators picked up on his location, but he wasn't so certain about sound. The ground was a dark tapestry, brief catches of the artificial moonlight escaping through the leaves to land on the ground in a patchwork of sorts. It was hard to tell on where to step and not to; even the snap of the smallest twig could mean his discovery. Rei really didn't want to mess up this mission.
Kai had challenged him this time, so losing would be unforgivable. Rei hadn't doubted for a second that his Commander was competent enough to be able to complete this task by himself. As much as he hated to admit it, Kai wasn't just good at what he did, he was impeccable. Were it not for the bold look in his eyes – which at that moment seemed almost a deep, cardinal red – Rei would have flat out refused to accept. He shrugged; he needed to show his true capabilities to Kai anyway, he might as well do it with a bang.
When he reckoned that he was about five kilometres away from the base he stopped, crouching low against the base of a grandiose tree. His eyes and ears trained on his surroundings, he waited for any sign of the enemy. Ahead of him, he saw faint traces of light. It was barely distinguishable with the rest of the greyness, just a flicker of pale silver amongst the trees, like some ghostly sparkle. Rei determined that those were the sensors he had predicted.
Suddenly, he felt a sort of heaviness around him, like there was an added weight to his own. He whirled around, backing against the tree. Immediately, a hand closed over his mouth. For a fraction of a second panic seized him. Was he really discovered? He tried to rip the hand away from his face but found that extra weight was also pinning him down. White-hot fear clutched at him, making him almost dizzy. Taking reign of his nerves, he kneed his assailant in the stomach, sending him staggering back.
Quickly, Rei sprang back to his feet, holding out his arms in an attacking position. He heard the other muffle a curse. The brunet blanched.
"Kai?" He asked, choking on the name. Offhandedly he noted that it was the first time he had called the man by his name. He saw his Commander crouch down beside the tree, motioning for him to do so. "What in Seven Hells are you doing here?"
"I'm looking out for your ass, Kon. And you didn't have to attack me," he bit out tartly, glancing around the tree trunk to see if the exchange had caught the attention of sensors.
Rei ignored the second statement and coerced a lilting note into his voice. "Really? I thought you didn't care about me?"
Kai growled something under his breath, then saying, "Stuff it, Kon. The day I come to feel anything for you is the day I die."
"Aww, I'm hurt." The mock-pain in his voice felt oddly deceitful. Feeling just a bit awkward, he changed the subject, "If not for me, then why are you here?"
"Hn," Kai muttered, ducking his head when the distant light seemed to come closer. "I can't have incompetent fools mess this up for me."
That same angry ball that he usually associated with Kai began to gnaw at his stomach. He didn't know why Kai's words struck him so hard. He knew it was just meaningless syllables coming out from the other's mouth, and it wasn't as if he cared about what others thought of him. So why did it hurt when he was referred to as an 'incompetent fool'?
He shook his head mentally, getting rid of the thought. Balling his fists he retorted sharply, "Then why do you trust fools with such things? You could have done this on your own!"
Kai glared at him darkly. "Because it's necessary to trust people sometimes," he replied, turning back to scouting. Then, more harshly, he said, "And will you be quiet? This isn't exactly the best time to be having idle conversation."
Rei ignored him, completely dismissing the softer note Kai's voice had taken (though it was there for less than a fraction of a second), answering sharply, "Why don't you just leave me here. I'm more than capable of carrying out this mission by myself. I've lasted this long without you, haven't I? I don't need you looking out for me, I don't need you at all!"
During his little spiel, Rei's voice rose up a notch. Noticing this and that the brunet was only partially hidden by the tree, Kai reached out his hand to try to cover the other's mouth once again. "Will you just shut up," he growled in warning.
He saw Rei tensing when their skin made contact. Shrinking back, the raven-haired youth snarled, "Don't touch me! Don't you ever touch me!"
Kai was undeterred by the fire in the other's eyes, tightening his hold on Rei's upper arm. "Don't be ridiculous, Kon —"
The brunet glowered again, brushing Kai's hand away. "I said —"
What happened next seemed to pass all too quickly in Rei's eyes. One instant scathing words were flying out of his lips and the Kai's hands were tugging at him. The next thing he knew, a sharp spasm shot through his left biceps and he was jerked roughly to the ground, a cry that was not entirely his own sounding in his lips.
The breath left his lungs almost painfully, heavily. For a couple of seconds he tried to gasp, moving his jaw open and closed, just blinking repeatedly. Slowly, things were becoming clearer to him. He noted that there was a biting sting on his arm, where the throe originated, and he was definitely, pointedly aware of the heavy body pressing on his.
When he managed to get his bearings and get over the shock of having another body on top of him, he croaked out a chocked, "K-Kai –..."
"You idiot!" Kai hissed, as if he was completely unaware of the situation, shooting a scorching look at the brunet. "I told you to shut up!"
Rei blinked a couple of times, not fully comprehending.
Kai went on, "This is why I don't bother trying to trust anyone! Look at what happened! The mission had barely began and you're already injured!"
The brunet gazed up at him, trying to decide whether he should be flattered at the other's concern or dubious that the whole thing happened. The stinging ache in his arm halted his thought process. He turned his head to the left, and from the shreds of his dark sleeve he could see a nasty-looking gash oozing blood on his biceps.
For a moment, Rei was struck absolutely speechless. On one side he had managed to make himself into an easy shooting target, on the other, Kai had, more or less, saved him. He didn't know which was worse.
"I told you it wasn't safe," the Commander growled, much softer this time.
"And what do you care about my safety?" Rei retorted, though the anger wasn't as deep as he wanted it to be. Truthfully, he was glad. Maybe, he opined, maybe Kai wasn't as frigid as he had initially thought. Maybe he was just afraid. But what were the odds that he'd actually admit to that? The world would end all over again before that could happen.
Kai harrumphed, closing his eyes as if in thought. From his vantage point, Rei could clearly see the blue paint on his cheeks, some of which was beginning to fade due to the light layer or sweat on Kai's face. He'd wondered what those triangles meant. Perhaps, if he found the nerve, he would ask his leader one day. Up close, he noticed that Kai had high, prominent cheekbones, straight nose and finely chiselled lips and jaw; features that distinguished the upper class from the lower. Kai had a decidedly male scent, Rei decided, a mixture of sweat, of cinnamon and spices and maybe even a trace of danger.
His forced back those thoughts, concentrating instead on the twigs poking into his sides and back. Again, the pain in his arm returned, as did the awkwardness of the position. Flushing with embarrassment, his right hand splayed over the other's chest, he pointed out,"You're heavy, you know?"
Kai opened one garnet-coloured eye – his eyes had flecks of amber, Rei determined – and peeked at him, as if not comprehending. Then, catching the other's meaning, lifted himself off of him and into a crouching position. Rei followed him to sit up. His bit down a hiss, grabbing his injured arm.
Seeing the brunet chew on his lip to stifle the whimper was all Kai could do before, much to his internal consternation, he said, "Let me take a look at that."
Rei glared at him, shying away from the other's reaching hand. "No, I don't want your help. I'm fine on my own."
'It's just like him,' thought Kai, 'too proud to admit that he's hurt.' With a little threatening growl, he batted Rei's protective hand away, muttering, "Stop being so stubborn."
Sulkily, the brunet let him rip the remainder of his sleeve and prod the wound with a questioning finger. Rei muttered an oath to scrub himself clean when he got back to the base; Kai's hands were on his skin, dammit!
Kai inspected the gash closely, running his finger along the outside edge of it. The gash was maybe five inches long, though most of it could have been either blood or a scratch, and ran from the top of the shoulder to the middle of the arm. The skin surrounding the cut was beginning to turn a ghastly pale purplish colour, the blood clotting in the shallower areas. He leaned in closer, trying to see if he could spot the projectile.
"It's very interesting, isn't it?" Rei commented dryly. Kai ignored him for the most part.
Blood was still seeping from the gash, running in little streams down the brunet's arm. The contrast of bright crimson against the pale skin was startling; it was as if a pattern was formed between the red and the pallor of the flesh. Kai tore a piece of the tattered sleeve, soaked it with his own water and used the material to wipe off the excess blood. He felt Rei stiffen at the contact, but otherwise he remained motionless. Finished with cleaning the outside of the cut, he lightly touched the tip of the cloth inside the gash, and then pressed, hard. Rei turned his head the other way, keeping his eyes closed and jaws clenched together until Kai finished cleaning the wound.
When the ministrations stopped, Rei managed a smirk at the other, saying in a falsely teasing voice, "You're sadistic, aren't you?" Then, more seriously, he asked, "How does it look doc? Will I live?"
Kai grunted in response, digging in his pockets for the small utility knife he brought with him. "The wound isn't that deep, or bad, it will scar though. But I think there's something in there as well, a small projectile of some sorts." He finally found the knife, taking it out and flicking it open, he doused it with the remainder of his water.
Rei looked at Kai while he was doing this, an eyebrow raised questioningly. Feeling curious and slightly wary, he finally asked, "What are you going to do with that?"
"I'm going to try and take the thing out," the Commander replied, almost casually.
Rei blanched at the statement, his insides shrinking involuntarily. He decided then and there that he very much didn't like being shot at, especially if Kai was playing the good doctor. "Why's that?" He asked, in a tone that was higher than usual. "Is it poisonous?"
"No," Kai responded with a shrug, inching closer to Rei,"they wouldn't dare to use poison – no deaths, remember? But it could be one of those bullets that burrow into the muscle and cause internal bleeding. Stay still."
Rei obliged with a nod, fisting his hands in his clothes. Once again Kai's hands were on his arm; he stiffened in anticipation. The Commander pressed the still damp cloth just outside the gash, spreading it open a bit in order for him to see it better. The brunet hissed, but remained still. Carefully, tentatively he touched the tip of the blade into the severed flesh. Not liking what he did next, Kai pushed the tip of the knife deeper into the skin, feeling around with the metal tip.
"Ow! Fuck it!" Ground out Rei from between clenched teeth. The slow movement of the blade inside his flesh felt like a piece of himself was being slowly torn away. Kai drove the knife tip deeper, rotating it in a circular motion. The brunet felt oddly dizzy at the sensation, the pain so great it almost disappeared completely; in fact, the only thing that kept him upright at that moment was Kai's supporting hand on his arm and sheer pride. He wasn't going to show his unbreakable leader his weakness.
Kai quenched the sensation of his stomach wrapping around his spine. He could clearly see that Rei was struggling not to cry out and remain conscious. With the last bit of his resolve, he twisted the blade sharply, carving in, up and out. A strangled whimper left Rei's lips. Quickly, Kai pressed the cloth into the wound, the blood gushing again.
Seeing the ashen look on the other's face, he asked before he could stop himself, "Are you all right?"
Rei grinned through lips that were all too pale, the gesture seemed forced. "Of course I am, I wouldn't let a simple thing like that get to me. Besides, I told you I was fine." He shrugged off all other questions on the matter, tilting his head proudly to the side. As an afterthought, he asked, "What is it anyway?"
Kai opened his palm to reveal a metallic ball about a centimetre in diameter, a rippled ribbon running along its circumference. Rei's blood still stained the metal, a reminder of what had nearly happened. "It's as I've thought," replied Kai. "This bugger will burrow deep into the flesh. And see this little ring around it? Once it's deep enough, spikes about a millimetre in length will come out, tearing the organ tissue from the inside."
Rei winced at the mental picture, his stomach twisting at the concept.
"You're lucky, you know," said Kai. "If I haven't pulled you down in time, the case would have been much more serious."
The brunet's eyes widened in thought. He had been shot in the left arm, if he was hit just a fraction more to the right, the thing would have struck close to his heart... He swallowed painfully at the prospect, a small shiver running down his spine.
"Can they do that?" He asked. "That thing could seriously kill somebody."
Kai just shrugged, looking away. "The ball's not what would kill a person, internal bleeding would. That's not against the rules."
Rei didn't say anything to that. At that moment, for the first time since he heard of the mission, he finally comprehended how serious the situation was. People – his friends – could actually die. Somehow, that little fact hadn't dawned at him until that instant, when he was almost killed. He'd always known, just that it never felt more real than at that moment.
Rising slowly from his crouch, Kai pulled the brunet up as well. "Come on, let's head back to base."
Rei braced his feet into the ground, tugging the other way. "What do you mean?" He demanded with self-imposed venom in his voice. "We can't go back now!"
"We can and are," replied Kai, pulling Rei with more force. "I'm the commanding officer here and you will do as I say."
"Then I'll finish this task and come back later," the brunet fired back. "You said that you wouldn't accept failure, well neither will I."
"Kon," he growled dangerously, turning to glare at the ink-haired boy, "that wound of yours needs proper cleaning and stitching up; it could still get infected, especially in this air. I don't care if you're too stubborn to admit that you can't win this round, I will not jeopardize the entire mission on your account."
With a frustrated curse of his lips, Rei wrenched his arm away from the other's grasp and stalked past him. Feeling furious and confused at the same time, he sprang back into a fast run. He knew that Kai was watching him, and all he wanted at that point was to escape that hardened ruby gaze.
They had spent more time in those woods than he had initially thought. When they arrived back at the base, Rei was almost falling on his feet, his head swimming. By that time, most of the camp had already went to bed, only the night patrol and the more lively cadets about. Immediately at arrival, he had been sent to the medic (each team received one in case of injuries) and that was the last he had seen of Kai.
Now, at nearly three in the morning, he was out of bed, freshly showered and wandering amongst the tents in hopes of clearing his thoughts. He had not been able to sleep and he had a nagging suspicion that he would have one of those dreams if he did. The base clearing was free from trees, so when he looked up, he could see the waxen moon smiling deceivingly down at him. The headquarters, being the largest of all the other tents, looming just a short way ahead of him. Kai would be sleeping behind that canvas.
He was ashamed to admit that he was in Kai's debt now, and that fact twisted painfully inside his gut. He didn't want to owe anything to Kai, knowing that even that much would be exploited and used against him, especially since his life was part of the obligation. Rei just wanted to make things clear between him and the Commander, to clarify that he would not do anything degrading or against his will.
Stopping outside of the entrance to the tent, Rei hesitated, nervous. What was he doing? It was an un-godly hour of the night and both he and Kai had been exhausted after that failed mission. The Commander would have his head for disrupting his sleep. Still, almost of their own volition, his hands closed over the edges of the canvas. Carefully, taking a last desperate breath and steeling his resolve, he drew the sheets apart and slithered in, like the brief flicker of light before the sheets drew together again.
It was dark inside, indicating that Kai was, indeed, asleep. On the tips of his feet, he crept silently in. He paused in thought again, chewing on his lip, deliberating whether he should actually finish this or go back to his own bed. Deciding that life was better than sudden death at the hands of his Commander, he turned around to leave. Just when he was about to escape back into the nightly world, a growled "light" sounded and the tent lit up.
Rei froze on his spot, startled by the officer's voice and at being discovered. In a flash, Kai was out of his bed and before him, brandishing a mysteriously hidden gun at him. 'So he even sleeps armed,' came Rei's fleeting thought. He noted that Kai still had on the dark pants and shirt he wore to the reconnaissance mission, though now it was fully unbuttoned and hanging loosely over broad shoulders, which meant that he had been very tired from the excursion. Rei felt himself slowly shrivelling at the thought. Kai looked absolutely wild with messy slate hair falling into his eyes. He had awoken a sleeping beast.
Shaking his head to get rid of the sleepiness, Kai came to realize just who was standing before him. "Kon?" He boomed threateningly.
Feeling all his usual haughtiness return, Rei parted his lips, batting his eyelashes coquettishly, and answered with a soft, "Kai?"
"What are you doing here?" He snarled, holding his weapon still.
Rei shrugged one shoulder in a display of nonchalance, grinning. "I'm not here to steal your gun, if that's what you're wondering," he replied. Then, taking a softer and more serious note, he said, "I came here to... thank... you."
It hurt him. It hurt him very much to stomp on his pride for this one moment and say that to Kai's face. He just hoped that he wouldn't end up regretting it later.
Kai had not been expecting that. He knew how much the other valued his honour, and to step down in front of him like that must have been very hard. In all honesty, he didn't know why he saved Rei, couldn't even understand how he did. He could barely even fathom as to why Rei came to him. Under scrutiny, he determined that the raven-haired youth must have been thinking about this all night; he was wearing his own sleeping clothes and his head was bed-mussed. Not knowing how to respond, he looked away.
The two stood like that for a while, trying to say something and not at the same time. Then, feeling like it was his turn to give in, Kai began,"I'm..." he almost chocked on the word from misuse "...sorry ... for what I said."
Rei's eyes grew large. He already knew, without it being clarified, that Kai was referring to that time in the training room. He admitted a soft smile to flutter along his lips before he turned it into a smirk. He punched the other lightly on the arm. "You probably just want me back as your sparring partner." Despite the tease in his voice, there was an odd sensation of being glad. Maybe the brief exchange had meant that a new plateau had been established between the two. Maybe they wouldn't have to fight any more. He would like that very much, he decided. Truthfully, he hated hating Kai.
Feeling a bit awkward, Kai searched for something to say. Internally, he chided himself; he never thought he'd be the one starting idle conversation with another human being. "You said my name," he stated after a time.
Rei shrugged in response."Yea, well, I can't exactly go around calling you 'Prince of Glass' forever, now can I?"
"Hn."
"You don't like to say much, do you." It was a statement rather than a question. The brunet narrowed his eyes at the other, scrutinizing his face. So he was right, there was something about Kai's appearance that was different. The blue triangles were gone, but there was something else...
Kai was jolted to realize that Rei was slowly inching closer to him, rising slightly on his tippy toes. Rei either ignored or was unaware of the way Kai seemed to stiffen when he was close enough for their bodies to meet. The Commander thought he had forgotten how to breathe; Rei's eyes were fastened steadily on his mouth. Then, a tentative, just barely trembling, dainty finger touched the corner of his lips, running it along the rounded flesh for a brief second, lingering slightly in the middle...
...Then the finger was removed.
Kai still couldn't fathom what had happened. Rei looked up at him, a shy smile struggling to show. "You had a piece of a leaf just right there and it was annoying me," he said airily.
Kai managed an intelligent-sounding, "Aa."
Rei brought his other hand up to touch his cheek, where the blue triangles used to be. He grinned at something infinitely funny.
As fast as he had come, the dark-haired boy turned on his heel and headed for the door. "Keep those things off," he said before disappearing outside, "you look much better without them."
And that was that. Rei was walking away and Kai was still standing rooted to the floor, trying to remember that air was good for his lungs. Fleetingly, he thought that the brunet always walked away with a shocking statement thrown over his shoulder, almost carelessly. It was as if he wanted to leave some things unexplained, just so that he could chase after him for an elaboration.
Shaking his head, Kai gave the 'dark' command, submerging the tent back into darkness. While he was lying in his bed, trying vigorously to fall back asleep, his hand strayed to his lips, as if having its own will. The sinking sensation he had been getting when he was around Rei returned, this time with more force.
(...Continua...)Smacks self in the face I had not realized how absolutely cheesy this story was. Forgive me. Having as much experience as I do now, I am very tempted to change some of the events. But I want to be reminded of my past mistakes later in life.