Remus' POV
It's hardly ever quiet at night here anymore. I'm so far away from him. But I still hear him every night. He's screaming for me. He's aching and hurting. And I think he deserves it. He killed Lily and James. And Peter. And twelve Muggles. And then he tries to blame it on Peter. I don't know how I can hear him shout all this but I do. I can hear his thoughts and I can see him. He doesn't understand. He won't leave me in peace. I'm hurting as much as he is. And aching and needing. And he's torturing me. "You fucking werewolf!" he shouts and I hear it like I'm right next to him. It hurts. A lot. But I can't respond. "Where are you now!?"
He killed James and Lily and Peter! The bastard! "I love you!" Oh, God! Just let me say it back once...No, I can't. I won't. "Remus! Where the fuck are you!? You were all I had left!" Please stop, Sirius. You're making it harder, you bastard! Stop digging into your wrists! I can't take it! "I'm not Dark! It wasn't me, Moony! I wish his voice wouldn't break like that. I wish I wouldn't see him cry. I hate you, Sirius, I love you. "It was bloody Peter!" I thought you had more respect for the dead! he's still crying. Guilt trips, guilt trips. Do they ever make a difference Sirius? "Fuck it, Remus! I need you! I need you inside me! I need your hand in mine! Bloody hell!" Please stop it, Sirius. You're hurting me. If you love me, shut up and for god's sake *stop* digging into your wrists! To my surprise, he does stop.
He's rocking back and forth. Damn him! I know what he's thinking. You've already killed Peter. Is he mad? No, stay away from Harry! I can't let him get near Harry. "Oh God!" Shut up, Sirius! You were doing so well. Now I'm crying. see what you've done to me! Stop it, Sirius! Please! "I need you here!" When will he stop? My heart's breaking. "One day you'll bloody well know I'm right!" Shouting at the darkness. Tsk, tsk. Your mad Sirius Black. "Yes, I'm mad. Mad about you." How the fuck does he do that? Damn. He's a killer. "Moony." Stop moaning. I wish you knew how much this is killing me!
God, Sirius, please stop it. STOP IT! It hurts! "Please?" You know the answer, Padfoot. We've gone through this before. I won't answer. So, you can be quiet now. You can stop torturing me. Stop killing me with your screams. "I NEED YOU!" I hate you for this, Padfoot. Stop it. Just leave me alone! It would be so much easier for me! "MOONY! REMUS!" God, I want to scream back. I want to put my arms around him! And kiss his neck! I want to tell him I love him! "Moony! I love you!" If you do, stop screaming! I can't stand this, Sirius! He's holding his breath. I won't answer. I can't. I won't give into him. No. I won't. I shouldn't. I love him. But he killed them! "Oh, God, Moony...Remus!" I won't reply. He's hurting me.
I'm dying to open my mouth and yell out his name...but I won't. "Oh God." He's so stupid. It's no use. I won't talk back, Sirius. So stop killing me. "Remus!" I want you Sirius. You're not helping. "I need you! Help me, please!" Help you? "Just answer once!" No. "Fuck it, Moony! I love you! Be here! Love me, you goddamned werewolf! I love the wolf in you! Hell, the wolf that is you!" He's crying again and has me crying too. I know what he's saying is true. It's all true. He's loved me for so long. I love him too but he betrayed us all. He's Dark now. Evil. "Where the hell are you!?" I'm far away from you Sirius! I won't let you kill me like you killed our friends. "Oh, Lord! Where's my wolf!" I'm here. My love. God, I'm here. "Fuck you, Remus! Fuck you! I love you! He's hitting the walls of his cell with his body. God, to see him in pain...it makes me hurt.
And I'm in so much pain all ready! I wish he would stop this. It's madness. He's insane. It's not him speaking and yelling. It's the madness. God, now he's biting his fingernails. I didn't leave you, Sirius. You left me for Voldemort. "I need you." I need you to shut up. Please stop. I hate you for this! Are all your nights going to be like this? Screaming for me? "Yes." God, can he hear my thoughts? "No!" Proves it. I think he does. Bastard. Probably learned it from Voldemort. I won't him anywhere near Harry. He's not your godson, Sirius. You don't deserve it, you bloody DeathEater. "Don't forget Harry." I'll worry about Harry. You only want to kill him. And I *still* love you. God! Even though I know what he is! "And that's nothing without you Remus! You bloody werewolf!"
God, that makes me angry. I want to yell back and hope it kills him! "Nothing." No, don't die, Sirius. I love you. "God." He's thinking about Harry again. He's only a child. "Seven or eight now." He's nine you git. And to think, *you're* his godfather. "For fuck's sake! I love you!" I know. But is it possible for someone Dark to love? "I miss you, Remus." God, I'm crying again. I miss you too! He's sighing. He wants an answer. I want to give him one. But I can't. "Remus." God, I want to answer. Sirius! "I love you Remus!" You think I don't love you? God, if I answer he'll just keep it up. He has to learn the hard way. But it's so tempting. I love him. Padfoot. I wish he could see how much pain he's putting me in. He would be quiet if he did. I just can't get over him when he's in my head all the time. "I love you." I'm crying, yet again. His voice is hoarse. He'll stop yelling soon. Thinking about you is painful, Sirius. But I can't stop. I don't want him to stop thinking of me either. "My Moony. My Remus. My wolf. I love you." He's done for the night. I can see him settling down. He knows I won't come. But he won't learn. That's how he is. Does he know I'm aching for him, too? "Remus..." he whispers on the wind. And I lose my self-control and whisper back, "Sirius..." My heart can't take it anymore. So, I ignore the ache for him and try to sleep.
~`,~ The End ~`,~
It's hardly ever quiet at night here anymore. I'm so far away from him. But I still hear him every night. He's screaming for me. He's aching and hurting. And I think he deserves it. He killed Lily and James. And Peter. And twelve Muggles. And then he tries to blame it on Peter. I don't know how I can hear him shout all this but I do. I can hear his thoughts and I can see him. He doesn't understand. He won't leave me in peace. I'm hurting as much as he is. And aching and needing. And he's torturing me. "You fucking werewolf!" he shouts and I hear it like I'm right next to him. It hurts. A lot. But I can't respond. "Where are you now!?"
He killed James and Lily and Peter! The bastard! "I love you!" Oh, God! Just let me say it back once...No, I can't. I won't. "Remus! Where the fuck are you!? You were all I had left!" Please stop, Sirius. You're making it harder, you bastard! Stop digging into your wrists! I can't take it! "I'm not Dark! It wasn't me, Moony! I wish his voice wouldn't break like that. I wish I wouldn't see him cry. I hate you, Sirius, I love you. "It was bloody Peter!" I thought you had more respect for the dead! he's still crying. Guilt trips, guilt trips. Do they ever make a difference Sirius? "Fuck it, Remus! I need you! I need you inside me! I need your hand in mine! Bloody hell!" Please stop it, Sirius. You're hurting me. If you love me, shut up and for god's sake *stop* digging into your wrists! To my surprise, he does stop.
He's rocking back and forth. Damn him! I know what he's thinking. You've already killed Peter. Is he mad? No, stay away from Harry! I can't let him get near Harry. "Oh God!" Shut up, Sirius! You were doing so well. Now I'm crying. see what you've done to me! Stop it, Sirius! Please! "I need you here!" When will he stop? My heart's breaking. "One day you'll bloody well know I'm right!" Shouting at the darkness. Tsk, tsk. Your mad Sirius Black. "Yes, I'm mad. Mad about you." How the fuck does he do that? Damn. He's a killer. "Moony." Stop moaning. I wish you knew how much this is killing me!
God, Sirius, please stop it. STOP IT! It hurts! "Please?" You know the answer, Padfoot. We've gone through this before. I won't answer. So, you can be quiet now. You can stop torturing me. Stop killing me with your screams. "I NEED YOU!" I hate you for this, Padfoot. Stop it. Just leave me alone! It would be so much easier for me! "MOONY! REMUS!" God, I want to scream back. I want to put my arms around him! And kiss his neck! I want to tell him I love him! "Moony! I love you!" If you do, stop screaming! I can't stand this, Sirius! He's holding his breath. I won't answer. I can't. I won't give into him. No. I won't. I shouldn't. I love him. But he killed them! "Oh, God, Moony...Remus!" I won't reply. He's hurting me.
I'm dying to open my mouth and yell out his name...but I won't. "Oh God." He's so stupid. It's no use. I won't talk back, Sirius. So stop killing me. "Remus!" I want you Sirius. You're not helping. "I need you! Help me, please!" Help you? "Just answer once!" No. "Fuck it, Moony! I love you! Be here! Love me, you goddamned werewolf! I love the wolf in you! Hell, the wolf that is you!" He's crying again and has me crying too. I know what he's saying is true. It's all true. He's loved me for so long. I love him too but he betrayed us all. He's Dark now. Evil. "Where the hell are you!?" I'm far away from you Sirius! I won't let you kill me like you killed our friends. "Oh, Lord! Where's my wolf!" I'm here. My love. God, I'm here. "Fuck you, Remus! Fuck you! I love you! He's hitting the walls of his cell with his body. God, to see him in pain...it makes me hurt.
And I'm in so much pain all ready! I wish he would stop this. It's madness. He's insane. It's not him speaking and yelling. It's the madness. God, now he's biting his fingernails. I didn't leave you, Sirius. You left me for Voldemort. "I need you." I need you to shut up. Please stop. I hate you for this! Are all your nights going to be like this? Screaming for me? "Yes." God, can he hear my thoughts? "No!" Proves it. I think he does. Bastard. Probably learned it from Voldemort. I won't him anywhere near Harry. He's not your godson, Sirius. You don't deserve it, you bloody DeathEater. "Don't forget Harry." I'll worry about Harry. You only want to kill him. And I *still* love you. God! Even though I know what he is! "And that's nothing without you Remus! You bloody werewolf!"
God, that makes me angry. I want to yell back and hope it kills him! "Nothing." No, don't die, Sirius. I love you. "God." He's thinking about Harry again. He's only a child. "Seven or eight now." He's nine you git. And to think, *you're* his godfather. "For fuck's sake! I love you!" I know. But is it possible for someone Dark to love? "I miss you, Remus." God, I'm crying again. I miss you too! He's sighing. He wants an answer. I want to give him one. But I can't. "Remus." God, I want to answer. Sirius! "I love you Remus!" You think I don't love you? God, if I answer he'll just keep it up. He has to learn the hard way. But it's so tempting. I love him. Padfoot. I wish he could see how much pain he's putting me in. He would be quiet if he did. I just can't get over him when he's in my head all the time. "I love you." I'm crying, yet again. His voice is hoarse. He'll stop yelling soon. Thinking about you is painful, Sirius. But I can't stop. I don't want him to stop thinking of me either. "My Moony. My Remus. My wolf. I love you." He's done for the night. I can see him settling down. He knows I won't come. But he won't learn. That's how he is. Does he know I'm aching for him, too? "Remus..." he whispers on the wind. And I lose my self-control and whisper back, "Sirius..." My heart can't take it anymore. So, I ignore the ache for him and try to sleep.
~`,~ The End ~`,~