Author's Note: Remember, when Susie is talking, it's in italics, unless there's something like, "Note:" in front of it.
Well, Hobbes, you certainly were a disgrace back there… Why? Just because I decided to throw the rotten tomatoes at you doesn't mean you have to get all snippy about it. Snippy? I'm not being snippy. I'd say threatening to plug my tail into an electrical outlet is being snippy. Well you were the one who told me that Susie should join the club… Oh yeah? Yeah! And you know what I'll do right now? What? Just watch!
Note: There are several scratch marks in the page here, followed by a bite mark and blots of ink.
Ow! That stupid Calvin! I was just minding my own business, walking through the woods, when all of the sudden this stupid book comes flying and hits me on the head. Hmm, I wonder what's in it…
Ha! This is that stupid log book of his for his club! What was it called again? Oh. Like it says on the cover, G.R.O.S.S. What's that stand for, anyway? Oh, I see… Get Rid Of Slimy girlS. Boy, Calvin sure doesn't know how to make an acronym…
I've just re-read this handbook thing, and Calvin treats this like it's the military. He's such a little weirdo. Oh, there's someone at the door, I'd better get it…
Note: Here, there is half of the page ripped off, and a stain that looks like rotten tomato.
Ah, yes! We rescued our handbook! Awards and medals all around, I think! I always like getting medals. Hmm… Correction on that- medals to all NON-TIGER members. WHAT? You heard me flea-brain. You were reluctant to go on the reconnaissance mission in the first place. Well you threw the book at my head. So I think that I should get a medal for getting injured in the line of duty. Well, you're forgetting who the Medal Keeper is. But I'm in charge of collecting the medals! Ergh! This is the handbook! We need to finish with the RULES of the hand book!
Fine… Section… what was it? I dunno… The rotten tomato stain got through the pages. I can't see what they are. I think maybe Section IV, Article IV… Yeah, you're right.
Section IV
Article IV: Plans need to be kept. Why? Because, fuzz-head, if we DIDN'T keep plans, then we'd all be messed up! Why? Because, what if Susie were to make a club like V.I.L.E.? You mean that idiotic club YOU made up for her because you were bored? (Author's Note: See "Calvin and Hobbes and the G.R.O.S.S. War) Yeah! We need to have a plans!
Article Five: Make it V, Hobbes. No. Let's make this a NORMAL handbook and we'll be able to understand it LATER! Fine, have it your way… And you said I was snippy… Every plan must be secret. Thus, every plan is a "secret plan," and they will be called that by all members of G.R.O.S.S. That's a little redundant. What? It's not redundant! "Every plan must be secret. Thus, every plan is a 'secret plan.'" That's redundant. You're just jealous of my amazing talent for writing. Like your paragraph on your dad? I SHOULD HAVE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR THAT! …Of course. Just like your unvarnished truth of the Noodle Incident. I thought we weren't going to talk about that…
Article 6: Every secret plan needs a map. I said that already! Why'd you re-write it? Because, I'm Club Cartographer. I need to have a job once in a while. We'll have to discuss this with the Club Board… Who is on it? Me. Why not me? Grr… JUST STOP WRITING! WE'RE THROUGH TODAY! Good.