Abby sat alone in the dark. She'd woken from a nightmare, sweating
like crazy. She couldn't remember exactly but she thought the nightmare
had been about someone hurting Carter. She wanted to call him. She wanted
to make sure he was OK. She hugged her knees to her chest, fighting back
tears. She wasn't going to call him. She wouldn't let him know that she
needed him.
Her hand, apparently unaware of what her brain was saying, picked up the phone and began dialing Carter's number. "Yeah?" a gruff, sleepy voice answered.
"John?" she whispered.
"Abby? Are you OK?" He was sounding more awake.
"I . . .I . . ." she dissolved into tears.
"I'll be right there," he said and hung up.
****************
"Hi," Abby said as she opened the door.
John put his finger to his lips. Sarah was asleep with her head on his shoulder. John walked past Abby and into Sarah's room so she could sleep in her crib. When he came back out, Abby was crying on the couch. He sat down next to her, afraid to touch her.
"I had a bad dream . . .,"she said. "You were . . .someone one was. . .trying to hurt you and I couldn't stop them." She buried her face in her hands. "All I could do was stand there and scream, 'I love you, John. I love you . . ."
Carter pulled Abby onto his lap and let her cry on his shoulder. "It's OK," he said. "I'm here. No one is gonna take me away from you. I promise."
Abby pulled away a little. "Why did we fall apart, John? What happened?"
Carter shrugged. "I guess I stopped trying. I was scared."
"Of what?"
"Of losing you too. It's a trait I've inherited from my mother," Carter said smiling. "When someone close to you dies, cut everyone else out of your life."
Abby ran her hands through his hair and kissed his forehead. "Are you still scared?"
"Yes," he said. "But I don't care. I don't want to be without you anymore. I can't stand being without you." He kissed her lightly on the lips.
"Good," she said and she kissed him back.
****************
Sarah sat on her floor Abby and Carter relaxed in each other's arms. "She reminds me a lot of you," Carter said, watching his daughter stacking blocks.
"Really?" Abby asked.
"Yeah. She's beautiful, smart, stubborn, willful, graceful, and funny. Just like you." Carter kissed Abby's head.
"I guess I must have rubbed off on her," she giggled.
"I'm glad."
Sarah crawled over the couch, pulled herself up, and held her arms out to Abby. Abby picked her up and cuddled her. "You should be talking by now," she said. Sarah's first birthday was in a month.
"She'll talk when she's ready," Carter said. "And her first word will be 'dada.'"
"Well, duh!" Abby laughed. "What else would it be? She doesn't have a 'mama.'"
"Yes she does," Carter said. "You're her mama."
"But no body calls me that. To her I'm Abby. Just like I am to everyone else." Abby sighed. Sarah looked up at Abby and blew a spit bubble. Abby laughed. "But I guess I'm the closest thing you have to a mama, aren't I?"
Sarah was apparently done cuddling for the moment. She wiggled out of Abby's arms and plopped herself onto the floor.
Sarah crawled around the coffee table and pulled herself up so she was looking right at Abby. She smiled and, as if she had understood the entire conversation, said, "Mama!"
Her hand, apparently unaware of what her brain was saying, picked up the phone and began dialing Carter's number. "Yeah?" a gruff, sleepy voice answered.
"John?" she whispered.
"Abby? Are you OK?" He was sounding more awake.
"I . . .I . . ." she dissolved into tears.
"I'll be right there," he said and hung up.
****************
"Hi," Abby said as she opened the door.
John put his finger to his lips. Sarah was asleep with her head on his shoulder. John walked past Abby and into Sarah's room so she could sleep in her crib. When he came back out, Abby was crying on the couch. He sat down next to her, afraid to touch her.
"I had a bad dream . . .,"she said. "You were . . .someone one was. . .trying to hurt you and I couldn't stop them." She buried her face in her hands. "All I could do was stand there and scream, 'I love you, John. I love you . . ."
Carter pulled Abby onto his lap and let her cry on his shoulder. "It's OK," he said. "I'm here. No one is gonna take me away from you. I promise."
Abby pulled away a little. "Why did we fall apart, John? What happened?"
Carter shrugged. "I guess I stopped trying. I was scared."
"Of what?"
"Of losing you too. It's a trait I've inherited from my mother," Carter said smiling. "When someone close to you dies, cut everyone else out of your life."
Abby ran her hands through his hair and kissed his forehead. "Are you still scared?"
"Yes," he said. "But I don't care. I don't want to be without you anymore. I can't stand being without you." He kissed her lightly on the lips.
"Good," she said and she kissed him back.
****************
Sarah sat on her floor Abby and Carter relaxed in each other's arms. "She reminds me a lot of you," Carter said, watching his daughter stacking blocks.
"Really?" Abby asked.
"Yeah. She's beautiful, smart, stubborn, willful, graceful, and funny. Just like you." Carter kissed Abby's head.
"I guess I must have rubbed off on her," she giggled.
"I'm glad."
Sarah crawled over the couch, pulled herself up, and held her arms out to Abby. Abby picked her up and cuddled her. "You should be talking by now," she said. Sarah's first birthday was in a month.
"She'll talk when she's ready," Carter said. "And her first word will be 'dada.'"
"Well, duh!" Abby laughed. "What else would it be? She doesn't have a 'mama.'"
"Yes she does," Carter said. "You're her mama."
"But no body calls me that. To her I'm Abby. Just like I am to everyone else." Abby sighed. Sarah looked up at Abby and blew a spit bubble. Abby laughed. "But I guess I'm the closest thing you have to a mama, aren't I?"
Sarah was apparently done cuddling for the moment. She wiggled out of Abby's arms and plopped herself onto the floor.
Sarah crawled around the coffee table and pulled herself up so she was looking right at Abby. She smiled and, as if she had understood the entire conversation, said, "Mama!"