The Oracle's Kitchen
This is also written in script *well, DUH.*
Oracle: SMITHY! DINNER!
Smith: Humph! COMING!
Sati: Oracle, why do we use our hands?
Oracle: Well Sati Honey, cookies need love like every thing does!
Smith walks into the room.
Smith: *taking the piss* Cookies need love like everything does!
Oracle: Don't you go trying it on with me Young Man! Not after yesterday!
Smith: *Does weird eyebrow thing* I only cloned !1! person, besides I was provoked!
Oracle: Suuuuuure. And don't you do that weird eyebrow thing with me!
Smith: Sorry, Mum!
Oracle: *under her breath* You are a bastard Smith.
Smith: *under his breath* You would know mum.
Oracle: What was that?!
Smith:Nothing.
Sati: Are you the Oracle's son?
Smith kneals down to Sati's hight.
Smith: Well, in theory.
Sati: The Oracle told me about you!
Smith: Really? Well what did she say?
Sati: She said that you were a little F****r!
When Sati says that The Oracle drops all the plates she was holding and Smith, who was so shocked, falls forward and accidentally stabs his hand into Sati, thus, cloning her in to him!
Oracle: SATI! Smithy! What have you DONE???!!!
Smith: Ooops, sorry.
Smith 2: Hello.
Smith 1: Hello.
Smith 2: You look strangely familiar.
Smith 1: Hmmm, so do you.
They both do their smiley thing and turn to the Oracle, who looks like she is about to cry.
Oracle: 2, 2 Smiths?... Oh God..
Smith 1: Well don't look so sad.
Oracle *through tears* WHY?! I LOST SATI AND GOT YOU!!!
Smith 2: *offended* Well! I don't think it's that bad.
Oracle: Well, seeing as there is two of you, one can clean your room while the other eats dinner, Smithy 2, you're not hungry are you?
Smith 2: No, but why do I have to clean the room I didn't make all the mess!
Oracle: Clean your room!
Smith 2: But.
Oracle: Clean Your Room!
Smith 2: But!
Oracle: CLEAN THE GOD DAMN ROOM!
Smith 2: Yes ma'am.
Smith 2 goes off to clean the room while Smith 1 waits for his dinner.
Smith 1: What's for dinner?
Oracle: Dog food.
Smith 1: YAY! Do I like dog food? What is dog food? Wait! Isn't that what they give you in Zion?!
Oracle: You've been to Zion?!?!
Smith 1: *thinking of Bane* Errr, no! I saw it in a film! Yeah a film!
Oracle: *Somewhat sceptical* What film?
Smith 1: Errr, The Matrix Reloaded!
Oracle: Oh that!
Smith 1: So is that what they really feed you in Zion?
Oracle: We're not really eating dog food, it's cookie pie!
Smith 1: Do you ever have anything to eat in this house other than friggin COOKIES?!
Oracle: No. Why?
Smith 1: Oh, no reason.
The Oracle puts Smith's food down in front of him.
Smith 1: Do I have to eat my vegetables?
Oracle: Yes, and just remember, there are no veggies.
Smith 1: But that means that there is no spoon! So, no spoon means I can't eat my veggies!
Oracle: And that means you don't really be feeling the back of my hand against your head if you don't shut up!
Smith begins to eat very slowly, then there is a knock at the door, Seraph walks in accompanied by Neo.
Oracle: Hello Neo! My, you are looking awfully thin these days! Have a cookie!
Neo: No, thank you.
Oracle *through gritted teeth* Have-a-cookie!
Neo: No, really, I'm alright.
Smith 1: *whispers to Neo* Take the cookie!
Oracle: I'm giving you one chance, take the cookie.
Neo: I really don't-
Oracle: TAKE THE GOD DAMN, FRIGGIN, BLOODY COOKIE ASSHOLE!
Neo: *In a high girly voice* Okay.
Neo takes the cookie and tries to eat it, but half way through starts to choke.
Smith 1: *sniggers under his breath* loser.
Oracle: OH MY! Neo! Here, drink this!
Neo drinks the water, and starts to regain some of his colour.
Neo: Thank you.
Oracle: Any time. Now you just sit down, are you hungry? I'll get you some thing, I said it before, you look so thin I could snap you in half like a twig!
Oracle: *Looking at Smith getting ideas* Oh no! Don't you start getting those ideas Mr. Big-Bad-Agent!
Smith 1: I was only admiring how Neo can make a prat of him self so gracefully!
Oracle: You're pushing your luck Mr!
Smith 1: *To himself, looking at his food* What luck?
Oracle: *ignoring Smith* Now, here, have some cookie pie, would you like candy with that?
Smith 1: How come I didn't get candy with mine? You love Neo more than Me. *pouts*
Oracle: That's right! Now, Neo, have some vegetables with that!
Smith 1: Here! Have mine!
Oracle: Smithy! To your room! NOW! And no dinner!
Smith 1: YES! *starts humming 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts'
Oracle: Now, Neo, why did you come here?
Neo: I'm scared, I don't know what to do.
Oracle: *Sighs* Do you believe in fate Neo?
Neo: Well, I used to dismiss that idea, but since I met the Architect, my perceptions have changed, ergo, I cannot answer that question. Concurrently, it is seen that should know the answer. Alas I don't.
Oracle: You really took in what the Architect said, didn't you Neo?
Neo: Yes.
Oracle: Hmmm. can we change the subject?
Neo: Uh, sure.
Oracle: WAIT! I can see it!
Neo: See what?
Oracle: Everything that has a beginning, has an end. I see the end coming, I see the darkness spreading, I see death. And you are all that stands in his way. If you cannot stop him tonight, then I fear that tomorrow may never come.
Neo: Bill Gates.
Oracle: Yes. You must believe Neo! You have the power, but you must believe!
Neo: But what if I fail?
Oracle: Then I fear that tomorrow may never come.
Neo's phone starts to ring.
Neo: Hello?
Trinity is on the other line.
Trin: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO BE 5 MINUTES?! IT'S BEEN 6! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! IS THAT PERSEPHONE THERE??!!
Neo: No love, I'm coming.
Oracle: Go, or I fear that to-
Neo: Okay, I get it.
Oracle: Goodbye, Neo. Remember, believe.
Neo smiles *OMG!* and walks off. Suddenly there is a massive CRASH!! And a lot of crying.
Smith 1: MUUUUM! HE TOOK MY TOY!!
Smith 2: I DID NOT!! I HAD IT FIRST!!!
Smith 1: LIAR!!
Smith 2: SHUT UP!!
Oracle: Now both of you be quiet. I really do not care what happened, now bedtime!
The Smiths start to get ready for bed. Once they are asleep, the Oracle walks down stairs and gets there just in time for Eastenders. She notices Seraph in meditation.
Oracle: Seraph?
Seraph: Yes, Oracle?
Oracle: What will become of everything?
Seraph: *who is clearly aggravated from his meditation being disturbed* How would I know? You're the Oracle!
Oracle: Oh yeah!
Seraph: Sad old lady..
Oracle: What was that Seraph?
Seraph: Nothing.
The end.
Remember, more reviews, more pointless, but funny, chapters.
This is also written in script *well, DUH.*
Oracle: SMITHY! DINNER!
Smith: Humph! COMING!
Sati: Oracle, why do we use our hands?
Oracle: Well Sati Honey, cookies need love like every thing does!
Smith walks into the room.
Smith: *taking the piss* Cookies need love like everything does!
Oracle: Don't you go trying it on with me Young Man! Not after yesterday!
Smith: *Does weird eyebrow thing* I only cloned !1! person, besides I was provoked!
Oracle: Suuuuuure. And don't you do that weird eyebrow thing with me!
Smith: Sorry, Mum!
Oracle: *under her breath* You are a bastard Smith.
Smith: *under his breath* You would know mum.
Oracle: What was that?!
Smith:Nothing.
Sati: Are you the Oracle's son?
Smith kneals down to Sati's hight.
Smith: Well, in theory.
Sati: The Oracle told me about you!
Smith: Really? Well what did she say?
Sati: She said that you were a little F****r!
When Sati says that The Oracle drops all the plates she was holding and Smith, who was so shocked, falls forward and accidentally stabs his hand into Sati, thus, cloning her in to him!
Oracle: SATI! Smithy! What have you DONE???!!!
Smith: Ooops, sorry.
Smith 2: Hello.
Smith 1: Hello.
Smith 2: You look strangely familiar.
Smith 1: Hmmm, so do you.
They both do their smiley thing and turn to the Oracle, who looks like she is about to cry.
Oracle: 2, 2 Smiths?... Oh God..
Smith 1: Well don't look so sad.
Oracle *through tears* WHY?! I LOST SATI AND GOT YOU!!!
Smith 2: *offended* Well! I don't think it's that bad.
Oracle: Well, seeing as there is two of you, one can clean your room while the other eats dinner, Smithy 2, you're not hungry are you?
Smith 2: No, but why do I have to clean the room I didn't make all the mess!
Oracle: Clean your room!
Smith 2: But.
Oracle: Clean Your Room!
Smith 2: But!
Oracle: CLEAN THE GOD DAMN ROOM!
Smith 2: Yes ma'am.
Smith 2 goes off to clean the room while Smith 1 waits for his dinner.
Smith 1: What's for dinner?
Oracle: Dog food.
Smith 1: YAY! Do I like dog food? What is dog food? Wait! Isn't that what they give you in Zion?!
Oracle: You've been to Zion?!?!
Smith 1: *thinking of Bane* Errr, no! I saw it in a film! Yeah a film!
Oracle: *Somewhat sceptical* What film?
Smith 1: Errr, The Matrix Reloaded!
Oracle: Oh that!
Smith 1: So is that what they really feed you in Zion?
Oracle: We're not really eating dog food, it's cookie pie!
Smith 1: Do you ever have anything to eat in this house other than friggin COOKIES?!
Oracle: No. Why?
Smith 1: Oh, no reason.
The Oracle puts Smith's food down in front of him.
Smith 1: Do I have to eat my vegetables?
Oracle: Yes, and just remember, there are no veggies.
Smith 1: But that means that there is no spoon! So, no spoon means I can't eat my veggies!
Oracle: And that means you don't really be feeling the back of my hand against your head if you don't shut up!
Smith begins to eat very slowly, then there is a knock at the door, Seraph walks in accompanied by Neo.
Oracle: Hello Neo! My, you are looking awfully thin these days! Have a cookie!
Neo: No, thank you.
Oracle *through gritted teeth* Have-a-cookie!
Neo: No, really, I'm alright.
Smith 1: *whispers to Neo* Take the cookie!
Oracle: I'm giving you one chance, take the cookie.
Neo: I really don't-
Oracle: TAKE THE GOD DAMN, FRIGGIN, BLOODY COOKIE ASSHOLE!
Neo: *In a high girly voice* Okay.
Neo takes the cookie and tries to eat it, but half way through starts to choke.
Smith 1: *sniggers under his breath* loser.
Oracle: OH MY! Neo! Here, drink this!
Neo drinks the water, and starts to regain some of his colour.
Neo: Thank you.
Oracle: Any time. Now you just sit down, are you hungry? I'll get you some thing, I said it before, you look so thin I could snap you in half like a twig!
Oracle: *Looking at Smith getting ideas* Oh no! Don't you start getting those ideas Mr. Big-Bad-Agent!
Smith 1: I was only admiring how Neo can make a prat of him self so gracefully!
Oracle: You're pushing your luck Mr!
Smith 1: *To himself, looking at his food* What luck?
Oracle: *ignoring Smith* Now, here, have some cookie pie, would you like candy with that?
Smith 1: How come I didn't get candy with mine? You love Neo more than Me. *pouts*
Oracle: That's right! Now, Neo, have some vegetables with that!
Smith 1: Here! Have mine!
Oracle: Smithy! To your room! NOW! And no dinner!
Smith 1: YES! *starts humming 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts'
Oracle: Now, Neo, why did you come here?
Neo: I'm scared, I don't know what to do.
Oracle: *Sighs* Do you believe in fate Neo?
Neo: Well, I used to dismiss that idea, but since I met the Architect, my perceptions have changed, ergo, I cannot answer that question. Concurrently, it is seen that should know the answer. Alas I don't.
Oracle: You really took in what the Architect said, didn't you Neo?
Neo: Yes.
Oracle: Hmmm. can we change the subject?
Neo: Uh, sure.
Oracle: WAIT! I can see it!
Neo: See what?
Oracle: Everything that has a beginning, has an end. I see the end coming, I see the darkness spreading, I see death. And you are all that stands in his way. If you cannot stop him tonight, then I fear that tomorrow may never come.
Neo: Bill Gates.
Oracle: Yes. You must believe Neo! You have the power, but you must believe!
Neo: But what if I fail?
Oracle: Then I fear that tomorrow may never come.
Neo's phone starts to ring.
Neo: Hello?
Trinity is on the other line.
Trin: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO BE 5 MINUTES?! IT'S BEEN 6! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! IS THAT PERSEPHONE THERE??!!
Neo: No love, I'm coming.
Oracle: Go, or I fear that to-
Neo: Okay, I get it.
Oracle: Goodbye, Neo. Remember, believe.
Neo smiles *OMG!* and walks off. Suddenly there is a massive CRASH!! And a lot of crying.
Smith 1: MUUUUM! HE TOOK MY TOY!!
Smith 2: I DID NOT!! I HAD IT FIRST!!!
Smith 1: LIAR!!
Smith 2: SHUT UP!!
Oracle: Now both of you be quiet. I really do not care what happened, now bedtime!
The Smiths start to get ready for bed. Once they are asleep, the Oracle walks down stairs and gets there just in time for Eastenders. She notices Seraph in meditation.
Oracle: Seraph?
Seraph: Yes, Oracle?
Oracle: What will become of everything?
Seraph: *who is clearly aggravated from his meditation being disturbed* How would I know? You're the Oracle!
Oracle: Oh yeah!
Seraph: Sad old lady..
Oracle: What was that Seraph?
Seraph: Nothing.
The end.
Remember, more reviews, more pointless, but funny, chapters.