Note: 6 reviews = immediate chapter… greed's one of those damn sins, isn't it? Excellent.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned BtVS… but alas…
Dedicated To…
Everyone out there who supported me every step of the way (and my girl, Karen, who's the best thing I've got going for me now and has been since everything started falling apart again – I love her to bits 3). Thank you.
Berkley – More.
Puma4 – Looks like I've got myself a regular already. *smirk* Cool.
Ash – Thanks. And. All reviews and readers are very much appreciated. It means something that you read it, even if you can't think of anything to say.
VixenRaign – It'll keep going. And hell, you don't even have to worry. It's HOT-hot-sauce.
Karen – Sweeeeetie! *tackle-huggle* I can't believe you reviewed - I love you!!! *points. points. points* Look! It's my girlfriend! *lol* I'm sorry, honey, I'll stop embarrassing you now. *grins* It's not my fault you make me so happy that I end up acting like a complete goof.
lil badass – I feel like I owe it to everyone to say something back if someone had actually taking the time to say something.
Note: Constructive criticism always welcome… as well as senseless praise. Hey, a writer does have some needs…
Part III – "Control"
I'm not completely sure how it ended up like this.
After the Bronze, I stalked over to the graveyard, letting the madness take me over. Red blinded my vision and everything faded into flying fists and release. Every vampire took on the form of Angel and the rage rocketed through my mind, binding with slayer strength and escaping through violence.
The fight planted the seed of a twisted pleasure in the pit of my stomach that grew with every connected hit.
Slaying and dancing.
Two of the three that make up the greatest loves of my life.
And falling deeper into the high I created, I couldn't even sense that you entered through the gates, watching me through my flurry of attacks. You never said a word, didn't pull me away and demand answers as you had the first time you saw me like this. Only when I was finished, did you approach me.
Now you stare at me with the same breed of desperate lust that the guy from the Bronze stared at me with. But the intensity was different.
Deeper.
And like I knew him, I know you. I understand what you want. Sex. With me. The one thing I never thought you'd let yourself fall into.
What happened to "holier-than-thou" Buffy?
No questions make it pass my lips.
You look disheveled, perfect blonde hair out of place, mascara in dried, black rivers on your cheeks... but you still look gorgeous and too clean.
Emptiness, all that remains of the fight, gnaws at me. Not for the first time, it's a hole running so deep, it makes me insane with the need to fill it. I want to explain to you that this is the reasoning behind the "hungry and horny". That it's the only way I know how to fill it.
That it's only because I'm scared that if I became so hollow inside... what would keep me from falling within myself?
And I want to tell you everything, so I can re-live that moment in my dreams where everything inside me - usually filled with deafening screams and voices from the past - is so quiet and steady...
I want you to love me.
But instead of saying these things, I leer at you, "Looking for some action tonight, B?"
You don't say a word in reply, but your hazel eyes are specific and demanding, with a spark of impatience. You want me to make the first move so you can somehow, dismiss what we both know is about to happen, on grounds that I had initiated it. I know your game, Buffy, but I'm not going to lose.
We stare each other down, the tension palpable, like electricity cackling in the air. When I look into your eyes, I know I'll win. You know it, too.
So tell me, how does it feel, B, to need me like you do?