Disclaimer: Don't own and will never own Gundam Wing...
Author's notes: I posted this before but it got deleted because I forgot to change the rating from G to something higher. So, here it is again, in a higher rating. Come on, this fic just couldn't be a R-rated one, right? Hey, why don't you guys e-mail me before you delete this?! Damn this fan fic administration. I'm about to be kicked out of this site... argh!
Where's My Boxers?!!!
A li'l Gundam Wing Insanity Fic by Yours Truly
Our little fic begins during one of Duo and Heero's steamy make-out sessions...
Duo: Dammit! It's so steamy here, I can't see!
Heero: ...
Duo: Why the hell do we have to make-out here, of all the places in the world?!
Heero: ... shut up...
Duo: Ooh... shut up, you say?! How? Huh?! Make me! Make me shut up! Are you gonna kill me, huh, Mr. Yuy?! Gonna say 'omae wo korosu'? Take out a gun and... mmmmmmmmmmffffff... (muffled sounds...)
Heero: ...
Duo: (moans) Heero...
Like I said, steamy hot... they're making out in a steam room... a sauna... somewhere really steamy... Anyway, a few minutes, hours... whatever... they decided to stop. And so they start groping around for their clothes.
Duo: FUCK! Why did we have to do this in a sauna, anyway?!
Heero: ...
Duo: There you go again? Well, answer me!
Heero:...
Duo: Is something wrong, Heero?
Heero: i can't find my boxers...
Duo: What?!
Heero: I can't find my boxers.
Duo: Oooohh... (mischievous voice) What was that again, Heero?
Heero: I CAN'T FIND MY BOXERS, GUNDAMN IT!!!
Duo: (snickers)
Heero: ... give me your boxers, Duo...
Duo: Ha! Fat chance! Why the hell should I give them to you?!
Heero: ... give them to me...
Duo: Never!
Heero: ...
Duo: Hoy, hoy... Heero what the hell are you doing?! Hey, hands off the merchandise! Heero! HEERO!!!
Heero: ...
So, Heero emerged from the room fully clothed in Duo's prized piece of underwear, his green sleeveless and black shorts. Duo, on the other hand, was stuck in the room, and was screaming random swear words at Heero for stealing his boxers. What's Heero's reaction, you ask?
Heero: ...
That's Heero's reaction. Anyway, he was determined to find out where the hell his boxer shorts are. He walked out from the building, where he can still hear Duo scream.
Duo: $@#^%@#$!!! I'm gonna get you for this Heero! Damn you! That shorts better come back clean, that's a Victoria's Secret, for cryin' out loud!!! That's an important piece of lingerie!!! DAMN YOU!!!
Heero wanted to start searching for his underwear was on the cockpit of his Gundam Wing. On his way to the hangar, people were staring at him because Duo's striped, black and white boxer shorts were conspicuously peeking from Heero's black shorts. So... in the cockpit of Gundam Wing.
Heero: (searches the cockpit for his boxers... mumbling the names of whatever junk he could find in his cockpit...) wire... dust... porn mag... how the hell did that get in here? ... gun... bombs... grenades... vibra- SHIT!!! What the hell?!
And just as our hero was in a pickle, our ever-beloved (*cough cough!) hero- stalker appeared, being her usual bitchy self.
Relena: Hi, Heero!
Heero: ...
Relena: What are you doing there, Heero?
Heero: ...
Relena: What's that in your hand, Heero? Can I see?
Heero: ... no ...
Relena: Huh? How come? (approaches Heero) What is that anyway?
Heero: ...
Relena: (sees the scandalous device on Heero's hand) IYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!!! Heero, you pervert!
Heero: (points a gun at Relena) ... omae wo korosu...
Relena: (stares in shock)
Heero then kicks the "thing", which smashes as it hits the wall. He leaves the confused Relena in the hangar to look for his underwear somewhere else.
Relena: What was that all about?
I dunno, but if I did, I still wouldn't tell you, bitch! Ehem... enough I- hate-Relena-ranting back to the main story.
Heero (unfortunately) decided to walk towards Quatre's mansion, where he and the other G-boys were staying. He mumbled 'omae wo korosu' to whoever he catches snickering at the boxer shorts peeking from his own shorts. Did I mention that the garter of the aforementioned underwear was also peeking out and that it had a bright red "DUO THE SEXY SHINIGAMI" sewed on it? Just checking. Back to Heero. He banged the door open when he reached the mansion and stomped his way up to his room. Unbeknownst to him, he was disturbing the master of the house and his unibanged lover who were making out in their secret place... the broom closet under the stairs.
Quatre: What was that? It sounded like Godzilla stomping up the stairs.
Trowa: ... probably heero...
Quatre: (quickly stands up) Heero! I've got to tell the butler to prepare some tea for him!
Trowa: Quatre wait! You're-
Too late. Trowa was unable to stop Weiner-boy from running out of the room with his pink shirt unbuttoned and without his pants. Quatre's was instead exposed in his hot pink summer of A.C. 195 edition Calvin Klein boxers with orange hibiscus flowers.
Trowa: ... (sweatdrops)
Heero slammed his bedroom door shut and scanned his room. It was bare except for a bed, a computer and a closet. "Not like Duo's room..." he thought. "Last time I went there, I had to wade through a pile of dirty clothes and food wrappers." He looked under his bed. There was nothing there but accumulated dust. He examined the drawers on his computer desk, not there either. He did find a family of nice spiders, which he immediately killed for no apparent reason. He looked inside his closet and what did he see? Not only was the underwear he was supposed to be wearing not there but also all his underwear was gone! There wasn't a trace of a boxer short, tighty-whitie or even a thong anywhere! After silently swearing to kill whoever took all of his underwear, Heero went down stairs, where he met Quatre.
Quatre: Welcome back, Heero. I asked the butler to make you some tea. It's ready on the table.
Heero: ... (stares weirdly at Quatre)
Quatre: Why? Is something the matter?
Heero: ... (points at Quatre)
Quatre: Eek! (covers his chest protectively like a girl) Sorry! (rushes up stairs to put on some clothes)
Heero sat down at the table. The butler came and poured some tea on Heero's cup. Heero stared at the servant.
Butler: (shrugs) I've seen Master Quatre in worse predicaments than that one, Master Heero.
Heero: ...
Butler: Why one time I caught him and Master Trowa in the middle of-
Unfortunately, Trowa appeared and stopped the butler from telling us the juicy details of his exploits with Quatre. He gave the butler a swift karate chop on the neck, causing the poor old man to drop unconscious. Like Quatre, Trowa was also a mess. His hair was messy, even his adamant unibang was a mess. Of course, Trowa was acting his usual silent self as he approached Heero.
Trowa: ...
Heero: ...
Trowa: (raises eyebrow) ...
Heero: (nods) ...
Trowa: (leaves)
Heero: ...
Well, they seemed to understand each other. Heero had not yet had a sip of his tea, when... tan-tananan-tanan! Duo came in.
Duo: HEERO!!! (strong wind in the background for added effect)
Heero: ... (sips tea)
Duo: (sarcastically) Ooh...I really appreciate the warm welcome!
Heero: ...
Duo: Incase you're wondering, (looks at his pants) it's pretty drafty in here! And besides, I'm the only sexy (does sexy dance step) shinigami in this show!
Heero: ...
Duo: Did I remember what I told you? That I'd get back at you.
Heero: ... i didn't remember anything of your worthless jabbering...
Duo: (obviously annoyed) WHAT?! Well I'm going to remind you right now!
Duo dragged Heero to his room to get back at him. Downstairs, a fully dressed Quatre and a newly gelled Trowa were listening to the bangs and crashes in Duo's room.
Sounds from Duo's room: (crashing vase, something heavy falling down, a clucking chicken, an exploding bomb... go figure...)
Quatre: (winces at every loud sound)
Trowa: (has one arm on Quatre's shoulder) ...
Suddenly the noise stopped. Duo emerged victorious from the room, whirling his black and white Victoria's secret around his finger triumphantly.
Duo: Haha! I won! Take that, Heero! (goes into the nearest bathroom to put his underwear back on)
Of course Quatre, being a whining weakling who cares about stupid details like whether Heero was okay or not, rushed upstairs to check on him. Trowa silently followed. They found Heero sitting on Duo's bed, his blanket wrapped around his waist. His shorts were worn on his head, obviously Duo's doing. Quatre looked shocked while Trowa couldn't help but stifle a laugh.
Heero: omae wo korosu
Quatre: Oh, Heero, I'm sorry you lost your underwear. I'd be happy to lend you some if you want.
Heero: ...
So Quatre led Heero towards his room. Inside it was a large bed, large enough to fit two people... which will remain unnamed. There was a bookcase and a velvet loveseat. Beside it was a case which held Quatre's violin. In front of the bed was a dresser table with a large mirror. On top of it was a vase with red roses on it. And finally, there were three large oaken closets. Quatre approached one of them and opened it.
Quatre: Here you go, Heero. You may chose any pair of underwear you wish.
Heero and Trowa's eyes went wide (if they could ever get wide...) at the number of underwear in Quatre's closet. There were underwear of all shapes and all styles in it. And the best part of it was that all of them were branded.
Heero: (sweatdrops) ... umm... i don't know where to start...
Trowa: (for some weird reason, was blushing beet red)
Heero started raiding Quatre's closet for some decent underwear. Among the things he found were the following: a pink Victorian Ages styled one with garter on the legs and white lace on it, a plain underwear of white silk which was so thin that it was almost see-through, a red and green checkered one (Calvin Klein Christmas of AC 194 edition), a purple one with pink butterflies on it, a green one with black lizards, and a hell lot more. Unfortunately for Heero, no matter how extensive Quatre's collection of designer underwear was, he couldn't find that will not make him look like a sissy mama's boy. Then he spotted a small red velvet box at the corner of the closet.
Quatre: (blushes) Heero, no! Not that!
Trowa: (gulps, blushes)
Too bad guys. Heero already had his hands on the small box and opened it. Under the lid of the box was a message.
Message:
To My Beloved Quatre,
Happy Valentines Day. I expect to see you wearing this later tonight.
Lovingly Yours,
Trowa
And what was inside the box, my friend? It was a thong! Yes, people, a flimsy red thong! It was almost as red as the two people behind Heero.
Heero: ... (stares at the thong)
Quatre: (nervous laugh) Well, Heero. I can't lend you that one. I hope you understand. But I can lend you anything else from that closet.
Heero: ... can't find anything i like ...
Quatre: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. But I think Trowa here might have something you like, right Trowa?
Trowa: (stares at Quatre as if he suddenly sprouted broccoli from his nose)
Quatre: (smiles sweetly at Trowa)
Trowa: (sigh) alright...
Trowa reluctantly led the two to his room. Like any bedroom it had a bed (duh?!), which was also large enough for two people (who will still remain unnamed!). There was a shelf for Trowa's gun and ammo collection, another shelf for his circus paraphernalia and a case for his flute. Last but definitely not the least was a small closet.
Trowa: (gives Quatre the most pleading look he could muster)
Quatre: (smile, shakes head)
Trowa: (sighs, opens closet door)
Trowa's closet was not as crammed pack of clothes like Quatre's. Inside were seven blue sweaters and seven white pants for each day of the week, some nightclothes, a few special clothes, a clown suit and some underwear. His underwear was as boring as his personality. They were all in gray, white or black. Ooh, what's this? Heero found a similar red box in Trowa's dresser! Let's see!
Heero: (reaches for the box)
Quatre: (blush) oh my...
Trowa: (blushes, turns back) ...
Yes, another small velvet box! And on the lid was another message, this time it was from Quatre. Oh? What does the message say?
Message:
To My Ever-Dearest Trowa,
I really enjoyed Valentine's Day. Please allow me to return the favor.
Hugs and Kisses,
Quatre
I'll give you ten guesses, what scandalous item was inside the little box? If you didn't even answer that it was a thong on the first guess then you're an idiot. Now, Quatre's was red, right? Trowa's was made of black lace. Nyihihihihi!!!
Trowa: ... ehem... well, heero...
Heero: (looks at the two) ... (puts the underwear back on its box)
Trowa and Quatre: (sigh of relief)
Heero: (looks at them weirdly and leaves)
Heero, disgruntled that he could not find a decent pair of underwear in both Trowa's and Quatre's rooms decided to just put on his shorts without his underwear. It was only temporary, until he gets his underwear back. And hey, if Duo can do it, so can he! So he went inside the bathroom, which was the same bathroom Duo was in. Now I dunno why it took such a long time for Duo to put his underwear on, but there was another scene inside which Trowa and Quatre can only overhear from outside the bathroom door.
Duo: What the- Heero! What are you doing here?
Heero: ... omae wo korosu...
Duo: Damn it! I'm not done here yet! Hey, give me back the tissue paper!
Heero: ...
(series of crashes, bangs, and tormented screams, plus a toilet flush)
Duo was kicked out of the bathroom with his arms bound by tissue paper, his pants down his knees and his boxers stuffed into his mouth. Luckily, his shirt was long, so that we will not see that oh-so-unholy-I'm-too-innocent sight. Heero then banged the door shut. After giving Trowa and Quatre a "don't ask" look, Duo hopped into his room, while occasionally tripping on his pants.
Heero was obviously the winner this time, as he emerged from the bathroom fully clothed. Well, fully clothed except for one little detail.
Quatre: (blushes and stares at Heero's shorts) Hey, Heero, doesn't it feel sort of drafty in there?
Heero: ... it's body fit ...
Quatre: Oh, yeah...
Trowa: ...
Heero: ...
Trowa: ... (nods)
Heero: ... (leaves)
Trowa: (leads Quatre to the nearest bedroom)
Quatre: (blushes)
The only Gundam boy Heero hasn't pestered with his underwear-searching quest is Wu Fei. So to be fair to all the Gundam pilots... well maybe except for Zechs, who isn't here... Heero decided to search Wu Fei's room next. Heero opened Wu Fei's door without knocking. He was shocked with what he saw!
Heero: ...
Come on, Heero! Act shocked for once!
Heero: ...
Look he's so shocked, ha can't even talk! (Dammit, who am I kidding?! ~_~*) Anyway, why was Heero shocked? Of course Heero expected Wu Fei to be in his room, but... Wu Fei's in women's lingerie?! SWEET!
Wu Fei: EEEKKKK!!!! (slams the door on Heero's face)
Heero: (rubs red nose which was hit by the door when it closed...)
Oh! Heero the red nosed pilot, had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw him, he'll say "omae wo korosu"! All of the other pilots, used to laugh and call him names! Then they were next found dead, crushed by the weight of Gundam Wing!
Err... yeah, I just felt like singing. Back to the story. A split second later the door opened again and out emerged Wu Fei, a decently clothed Wu Fei. (Aw, man!) And he was screamin' mad, hey you would to if someone caught you in lingerie! What was he screamin' 'bout? What else? Injustice!
Wu Fei: This is injustice! Blah, blah, blah, blah, injustice this, blah, blah, blah, rights violation, blah, blah, blah, Injustice!!!
Heero: (blink, blink) ... (wipes injustice spit from face)
Wu Fei: (scowls at Heero)
Heero: ... why were you wearing women's underwear? ... (blink, blink)
Now, normally Heero wouldn't even ask such a question and Wu Fei would rather die than answering such a thing, but I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! WHAT I SAY WILL BE!!! And because of my almighty fan fic writing powah, Wu Fei shyly invited Heero into his room and prepared to tell Heero the truth about why he was wearing lingerie.
The room was barer than Heero's! There was only a bed and a small closet. What made it weird, like all the other G-wing rooms, were the heavy curtains draped on a supposed-to-be-bare wall.
Wu Fei: Ehem... well, Heero. I'm doing this because I believe I can trust you with my little secret.
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: I'm a girl trapped in a guy's body.
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: And I'm head-over-heels with Treize!
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: I'm serious! Look!
Wu Fei tore away the curtains on the wall to reveal it crammed with Treize pictures. Some were obviously taken with a spy camera. There were pictures of Treize drinking tea, Treize sitting in the park, Treize working out, Treize in a bunny-suit (what the hell?) and Treize while taking a bath. Oh Wu Fei, you naughty, naughty boy...
Wu Fei: Well?! Aren't you going to say anything, Heero?!
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: Fine! Be that way! Let's see who won't fall head over heels for me once I get a sex change! (kicks Heero out of his room)
Heero: (butt lands outside Wu Fei's room) ...
Poor, poor Heero. He can't find his underwear anywhere. He then searched high and low in every corner of Earth and all the remaining colonies. He just couldn't find them. He didn't leave them in Zech's room... not even in Relena's. Where could it be? Anyway, finally admitting defeat...
Heero: ...omae wo korosu...
(fall of a thousand sweatdrops) Okay... so finally admitting defeat, a very tired and very pissed off Heero went back home in his room and sulked on his bed. The door opened and Duo came in. He sat beside Heero.
Heero: (points a gun at Duo) omae wo korosu...
Duo: Hey, chill man! I just want to say something!
Heero: (puts gun away) ...
Duo: I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about the whole incident and all but the truth is... you never wore underwear to begin with. I didn't know you'd freak out like that, I'm sorry I teased you.
Heero: (really pissed off)
Duo: Uhm... Heero are you okay? You're shivering...
Heero: YYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! (rage mode, gets his gun)
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (runs)
So Duo ran out of the room as Heero started shooting at him. Fortunately, thanks to Heero's temporary stupid aim given to him by the almighty fan fic author, he always narrowly misses Duo's head. Anyway, they chased each other through the house. Now I could end this fic by saying that they chased each other the whole night but I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! What I say goes!
And what I am saying is that Heero and Duo chased each other towards the garden. Just as Heero finally cornered Duo, a large red gundam suddenly landed behind them.
Duo: what's that?
Heero: a gundam
Duo: DUH?! I know that's a gundam, stupid! But what gundam is that?
Suddenly the door to the gundam opened and six raven-haired girls fell out. The first one, a tall girl with long hair and glasses stood up. Her name was Mary.
Mary: Haha! I'm finally here! (grabs Duo) Duo! (hugs)
Duo: Eh? Hey, lady. Who are you?
Heero: (protectively pries Duo from Mary's grip) ... Duo's mine ...
Mary: Nu-uh! Dou's mine! (grabs Duo again)
Heero: He's mine... (grabs Duo)
Mary: Mine!
Heero: Mine!
Mary: Mine!
Heero: Mine!
Mary: Duo is mine!
Heero: omae wo korosu
Duo: Hey! Don't I get to say anything?
Heero: ... Duo's mine.
Mary: (sigh) Fine. If I can't take Duo away from you... then I'll just take you both! Nyahahahaha! Now I can watch them do yaoi without having to buy or download doujinshis!
After knocking the two unconscious, she carried them into their gundam. After that, another girl, the tall one with long and straight hair, jumped up and screamed. Her name is KC.
KC: ZECHS!!! I'm coming! (runs off to abduct Zechs and include him in her harem of anime characters)
Her remaining four friends sweatdropped. Then a short girl whose hair was tied into a messy ponytail stepped forward. Her name is Luchi. She was talking to another girl who also had messy wavy hair. Her name is Emer.
Luchi: What now?
Emer: I don't know.
Luchi: I know! I'll abduct Quatre!
Emer: (sweatdrops) Luchi...
Luchi: But what about Trowa? I can't leave him behind. It will break both his and Weiner-boy's heart! I know! I'll abduct them both!
Emer: And Wu Fei?
Luchi: Maybe... Alright, then we already have all five Gundam boys! Yey!
Emer: Great... and then what am I going to do?
Luchi: You could go assassinate Relena!
Emer: That's right! (psycho laugh) Get ready for me, Relena! (runs off to kill Relena)
Luchi: QUATRE!!! TROWA!!! WU FEI!!! NYAHAHAHHAHA!!! (runs off to abduct them)
What about the last two remaining girls? Justine, the one with short hair and glasses, was left with Margret, who had long hair and glasses.
Justine: What are we going to do?
Margret: I don't know. Do you have any idea on which anime we are now?
Justine: Nope.
Margret: (sigh) Let's just wait here.
Justine: (sigh)
They stepped into the red gundam and passed time by watching Mary glomp Duo. KC came back later with Zechs, who had already fallen hopelessly in love with her thanks to her extensive collection of aphrodisiacs. Emer returned later with a satisfied grin on her face.
Mary: Duo! (hugs Duo)
Zechs: KC! (hugs KC)
KC: Oh Zechs! (hugs Zechs back)
Justine and Margret: (sweatdrops)
Emer: (psycho laugh)
Justine and Margret: (edges away from Emer)
Then another gundam appeared, it was Deathscythe Hell!
Duo: What the- That's my Deatscythe!
Heero: ...
Jutsine: We're receiving a message from the approaching gundam!
Luchi's face appeared on the gundam's screen.
Luchi: Yo! (peace sign)
KC: Haw! (waves)
Luchi: Anyway, I finally abducted Quatre and Trowa over here. Unfortunately, all they do is make out with each other.
Trowa: Quatre, as long as we're together, I know we'll survive.
Quatre: Oh, Trowa! (hearts) (A/n: This is what happens when you watch Starwars Episode 2... you find yourself making Amidala/Anakin-like sappy love lines. *sigh)
Luchi: And Wu Fei here has had a sex change.
Wu Fei: (finally a sexy vixen) This is injustice! I still have to go and seduce Treize! Let me out of here onna! You're weak! All women are weak!
Luchi: Ha! Look who's talking, babe!
Wu Fei: (blushes, takes a look at himself) Oh yeah... Well, I don't care! I'm a fairy princess! Lalalalala! (dances, does a lot of pirouettes inside the gundam)
Luchi: Oh, quit it already! (blasts Wu Fei with her bazooka)
Wu Fei: (falls down unconscious and burnt into a thin crisp)
Luchi: Ehem... so... any questions, guys?
Mary: Why's you steal the Deathscythe? It's not fair! I wanted to steal the Deathschythe!
Duo: No way! Deathschythe's mine!
Luchi: Well, we can't all fit in my Gundam Angelus, right?
Mary: Good point.
Margret: How much longer are we going to stay here? The readers of this fic are practically begging for you to end this already.
Luchi: Okay. I'm the almighty author of this fic. Whatever I say goes. Mission accomplished, girls. Let's go!
The gundams took off, leaving the world of Gundam Wing in total chaos. As to how more than one person can fit in a gundam, I don't care. The end. It's a stupid ending really, but I don't care! Beh! I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!
Author's note: BAKABAKAbakabakabakabakaba!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL MY MIGHTY FANFIC WRITING POWER AND FEAR ME! FEAR ME!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Author's notes: I posted this before but it got deleted because I forgot to change the rating from G to something higher. So, here it is again, in a higher rating. Come on, this fic just couldn't be a R-rated one, right? Hey, why don't you guys e-mail me before you delete this?! Damn this fan fic administration. I'm about to be kicked out of this site... argh!
Where's My Boxers?!!!
A li'l Gundam Wing Insanity Fic by Yours Truly
Our little fic begins during one of Duo and Heero's steamy make-out sessions...
Duo: Dammit! It's so steamy here, I can't see!
Heero: ...
Duo: Why the hell do we have to make-out here, of all the places in the world?!
Heero: ... shut up...
Duo: Ooh... shut up, you say?! How? Huh?! Make me! Make me shut up! Are you gonna kill me, huh, Mr. Yuy?! Gonna say 'omae wo korosu'? Take out a gun and... mmmmmmmmmmffffff... (muffled sounds...)
Heero: ...
Duo: (moans) Heero...
Like I said, steamy hot... they're making out in a steam room... a sauna... somewhere really steamy... Anyway, a few minutes, hours... whatever... they decided to stop. And so they start groping around for their clothes.
Duo: FUCK! Why did we have to do this in a sauna, anyway?!
Heero: ...
Duo: There you go again? Well, answer me!
Heero:...
Duo: Is something wrong, Heero?
Heero: i can't find my boxers...
Duo: What?!
Heero: I can't find my boxers.
Duo: Oooohh... (mischievous voice) What was that again, Heero?
Heero: I CAN'T FIND MY BOXERS, GUNDAMN IT!!!
Duo: (snickers)
Heero: ... give me your boxers, Duo...
Duo: Ha! Fat chance! Why the hell should I give them to you?!
Heero: ... give them to me...
Duo: Never!
Heero: ...
Duo: Hoy, hoy... Heero what the hell are you doing?! Hey, hands off the merchandise! Heero! HEERO!!!
Heero: ...
So, Heero emerged from the room fully clothed in Duo's prized piece of underwear, his green sleeveless and black shorts. Duo, on the other hand, was stuck in the room, and was screaming random swear words at Heero for stealing his boxers. What's Heero's reaction, you ask?
Heero: ...
That's Heero's reaction. Anyway, he was determined to find out where the hell his boxer shorts are. He walked out from the building, where he can still hear Duo scream.
Duo: $@#^%@#$!!! I'm gonna get you for this Heero! Damn you! That shorts better come back clean, that's a Victoria's Secret, for cryin' out loud!!! That's an important piece of lingerie!!! DAMN YOU!!!
Heero wanted to start searching for his underwear was on the cockpit of his Gundam Wing. On his way to the hangar, people were staring at him because Duo's striped, black and white boxer shorts were conspicuously peeking from Heero's black shorts. So... in the cockpit of Gundam Wing.
Heero: (searches the cockpit for his boxers... mumbling the names of whatever junk he could find in his cockpit...) wire... dust... porn mag... how the hell did that get in here? ... gun... bombs... grenades... vibra- SHIT!!! What the hell?!
And just as our hero was in a pickle, our ever-beloved (*cough cough!) hero- stalker appeared, being her usual bitchy self.
Relena: Hi, Heero!
Heero: ...
Relena: What are you doing there, Heero?
Heero: ...
Relena: What's that in your hand, Heero? Can I see?
Heero: ... no ...
Relena: Huh? How come? (approaches Heero) What is that anyway?
Heero: ...
Relena: (sees the scandalous device on Heero's hand) IYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!!! Heero, you pervert!
Heero: (points a gun at Relena) ... omae wo korosu...
Relena: (stares in shock)
Heero then kicks the "thing", which smashes as it hits the wall. He leaves the confused Relena in the hangar to look for his underwear somewhere else.
Relena: What was that all about?
I dunno, but if I did, I still wouldn't tell you, bitch! Ehem... enough I- hate-Relena-ranting back to the main story.
Heero (unfortunately) decided to walk towards Quatre's mansion, where he and the other G-boys were staying. He mumbled 'omae wo korosu' to whoever he catches snickering at the boxer shorts peeking from his own shorts. Did I mention that the garter of the aforementioned underwear was also peeking out and that it had a bright red "DUO THE SEXY SHINIGAMI" sewed on it? Just checking. Back to Heero. He banged the door open when he reached the mansion and stomped his way up to his room. Unbeknownst to him, he was disturbing the master of the house and his unibanged lover who were making out in their secret place... the broom closet under the stairs.
Quatre: What was that? It sounded like Godzilla stomping up the stairs.
Trowa: ... probably heero...
Quatre: (quickly stands up) Heero! I've got to tell the butler to prepare some tea for him!
Trowa: Quatre wait! You're-
Too late. Trowa was unable to stop Weiner-boy from running out of the room with his pink shirt unbuttoned and without his pants. Quatre's was instead exposed in his hot pink summer of A.C. 195 edition Calvin Klein boxers with orange hibiscus flowers.
Trowa: ... (sweatdrops)
Heero slammed his bedroom door shut and scanned his room. It was bare except for a bed, a computer and a closet. "Not like Duo's room..." he thought. "Last time I went there, I had to wade through a pile of dirty clothes and food wrappers." He looked under his bed. There was nothing there but accumulated dust. He examined the drawers on his computer desk, not there either. He did find a family of nice spiders, which he immediately killed for no apparent reason. He looked inside his closet and what did he see? Not only was the underwear he was supposed to be wearing not there but also all his underwear was gone! There wasn't a trace of a boxer short, tighty-whitie or even a thong anywhere! After silently swearing to kill whoever took all of his underwear, Heero went down stairs, where he met Quatre.
Quatre: Welcome back, Heero. I asked the butler to make you some tea. It's ready on the table.
Heero: ... (stares weirdly at Quatre)
Quatre: Why? Is something the matter?
Heero: ... (points at Quatre)
Quatre: Eek! (covers his chest protectively like a girl) Sorry! (rushes up stairs to put on some clothes)
Heero sat down at the table. The butler came and poured some tea on Heero's cup. Heero stared at the servant.
Butler: (shrugs) I've seen Master Quatre in worse predicaments than that one, Master Heero.
Heero: ...
Butler: Why one time I caught him and Master Trowa in the middle of-
Unfortunately, Trowa appeared and stopped the butler from telling us the juicy details of his exploits with Quatre. He gave the butler a swift karate chop on the neck, causing the poor old man to drop unconscious. Like Quatre, Trowa was also a mess. His hair was messy, even his adamant unibang was a mess. Of course, Trowa was acting his usual silent self as he approached Heero.
Trowa: ...
Heero: ...
Trowa: (raises eyebrow) ...
Heero: (nods) ...
Trowa: (leaves)
Heero: ...
Well, they seemed to understand each other. Heero had not yet had a sip of his tea, when... tan-tananan-tanan! Duo came in.
Duo: HEERO!!! (strong wind in the background for added effect)
Heero: ... (sips tea)
Duo: (sarcastically) Ooh...I really appreciate the warm welcome!
Heero: ...
Duo: Incase you're wondering, (looks at his pants) it's pretty drafty in here! And besides, I'm the only sexy (does sexy dance step) shinigami in this show!
Heero: ...
Duo: Did I remember what I told you? That I'd get back at you.
Heero: ... i didn't remember anything of your worthless jabbering...
Duo: (obviously annoyed) WHAT?! Well I'm going to remind you right now!
Duo dragged Heero to his room to get back at him. Downstairs, a fully dressed Quatre and a newly gelled Trowa were listening to the bangs and crashes in Duo's room.
Sounds from Duo's room: (crashing vase, something heavy falling down, a clucking chicken, an exploding bomb... go figure...)
Quatre: (winces at every loud sound)
Trowa: (has one arm on Quatre's shoulder) ...
Suddenly the noise stopped. Duo emerged victorious from the room, whirling his black and white Victoria's secret around his finger triumphantly.
Duo: Haha! I won! Take that, Heero! (goes into the nearest bathroom to put his underwear back on)
Of course Quatre, being a whining weakling who cares about stupid details like whether Heero was okay or not, rushed upstairs to check on him. Trowa silently followed. They found Heero sitting on Duo's bed, his blanket wrapped around his waist. His shorts were worn on his head, obviously Duo's doing. Quatre looked shocked while Trowa couldn't help but stifle a laugh.
Heero: omae wo korosu
Quatre: Oh, Heero, I'm sorry you lost your underwear. I'd be happy to lend you some if you want.
Heero: ...
So Quatre led Heero towards his room. Inside it was a large bed, large enough to fit two people... which will remain unnamed. There was a bookcase and a velvet loveseat. Beside it was a case which held Quatre's violin. In front of the bed was a dresser table with a large mirror. On top of it was a vase with red roses on it. And finally, there were three large oaken closets. Quatre approached one of them and opened it.
Quatre: Here you go, Heero. You may chose any pair of underwear you wish.
Heero and Trowa's eyes went wide (if they could ever get wide...) at the number of underwear in Quatre's closet. There were underwear of all shapes and all styles in it. And the best part of it was that all of them were branded.
Heero: (sweatdrops) ... umm... i don't know where to start...
Trowa: (for some weird reason, was blushing beet red)
Heero started raiding Quatre's closet for some decent underwear. Among the things he found were the following: a pink Victorian Ages styled one with garter on the legs and white lace on it, a plain underwear of white silk which was so thin that it was almost see-through, a red and green checkered one (Calvin Klein Christmas of AC 194 edition), a purple one with pink butterflies on it, a green one with black lizards, and a hell lot more. Unfortunately for Heero, no matter how extensive Quatre's collection of designer underwear was, he couldn't find that will not make him look like a sissy mama's boy. Then he spotted a small red velvet box at the corner of the closet.
Quatre: (blushes) Heero, no! Not that!
Trowa: (gulps, blushes)
Too bad guys. Heero already had his hands on the small box and opened it. Under the lid of the box was a message.
Message:
To My Beloved Quatre,
Happy Valentines Day. I expect to see you wearing this later tonight.
Lovingly Yours,
Trowa
And what was inside the box, my friend? It was a thong! Yes, people, a flimsy red thong! It was almost as red as the two people behind Heero.
Heero: ... (stares at the thong)
Quatre: (nervous laugh) Well, Heero. I can't lend you that one. I hope you understand. But I can lend you anything else from that closet.
Heero: ... can't find anything i like ...
Quatre: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. But I think Trowa here might have something you like, right Trowa?
Trowa: (stares at Quatre as if he suddenly sprouted broccoli from his nose)
Quatre: (smiles sweetly at Trowa)
Trowa: (sigh) alright...
Trowa reluctantly led the two to his room. Like any bedroom it had a bed (duh?!), which was also large enough for two people (who will still remain unnamed!). There was a shelf for Trowa's gun and ammo collection, another shelf for his circus paraphernalia and a case for his flute. Last but definitely not the least was a small closet.
Trowa: (gives Quatre the most pleading look he could muster)
Quatre: (smile, shakes head)
Trowa: (sighs, opens closet door)
Trowa's closet was not as crammed pack of clothes like Quatre's. Inside were seven blue sweaters and seven white pants for each day of the week, some nightclothes, a few special clothes, a clown suit and some underwear. His underwear was as boring as his personality. They were all in gray, white or black. Ooh, what's this? Heero found a similar red box in Trowa's dresser! Let's see!
Heero: (reaches for the box)
Quatre: (blush) oh my...
Trowa: (blushes, turns back) ...
Yes, another small velvet box! And on the lid was another message, this time it was from Quatre. Oh? What does the message say?
Message:
To My Ever-Dearest Trowa,
I really enjoyed Valentine's Day. Please allow me to return the favor.
Hugs and Kisses,
Quatre
I'll give you ten guesses, what scandalous item was inside the little box? If you didn't even answer that it was a thong on the first guess then you're an idiot. Now, Quatre's was red, right? Trowa's was made of black lace. Nyihihihihi!!!
Trowa: ... ehem... well, heero...
Heero: (looks at the two) ... (puts the underwear back on its box)
Trowa and Quatre: (sigh of relief)
Heero: (looks at them weirdly and leaves)
Heero, disgruntled that he could not find a decent pair of underwear in both Trowa's and Quatre's rooms decided to just put on his shorts without his underwear. It was only temporary, until he gets his underwear back. And hey, if Duo can do it, so can he! So he went inside the bathroom, which was the same bathroom Duo was in. Now I dunno why it took such a long time for Duo to put his underwear on, but there was another scene inside which Trowa and Quatre can only overhear from outside the bathroom door.
Duo: What the- Heero! What are you doing here?
Heero: ... omae wo korosu...
Duo: Damn it! I'm not done here yet! Hey, give me back the tissue paper!
Heero: ...
(series of crashes, bangs, and tormented screams, plus a toilet flush)
Duo was kicked out of the bathroom with his arms bound by tissue paper, his pants down his knees and his boxers stuffed into his mouth. Luckily, his shirt was long, so that we will not see that oh-so-unholy-I'm-too-innocent sight. Heero then banged the door shut. After giving Trowa and Quatre a "don't ask" look, Duo hopped into his room, while occasionally tripping on his pants.
Heero was obviously the winner this time, as he emerged from the bathroom fully clothed. Well, fully clothed except for one little detail.
Quatre: (blushes and stares at Heero's shorts) Hey, Heero, doesn't it feel sort of drafty in there?
Heero: ... it's body fit ...
Quatre: Oh, yeah...
Trowa: ...
Heero: ...
Trowa: ... (nods)
Heero: ... (leaves)
Trowa: (leads Quatre to the nearest bedroom)
Quatre: (blushes)
The only Gundam boy Heero hasn't pestered with his underwear-searching quest is Wu Fei. So to be fair to all the Gundam pilots... well maybe except for Zechs, who isn't here... Heero decided to search Wu Fei's room next. Heero opened Wu Fei's door without knocking. He was shocked with what he saw!
Heero: ...
Come on, Heero! Act shocked for once!
Heero: ...
Look he's so shocked, ha can't even talk! (Dammit, who am I kidding?! ~_~*) Anyway, why was Heero shocked? Of course Heero expected Wu Fei to be in his room, but... Wu Fei's in women's lingerie?! SWEET!
Wu Fei: EEEKKKK!!!! (slams the door on Heero's face)
Heero: (rubs red nose which was hit by the door when it closed...)
Oh! Heero the red nosed pilot, had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw him, he'll say "omae wo korosu"! All of the other pilots, used to laugh and call him names! Then they were next found dead, crushed by the weight of Gundam Wing!
Err... yeah, I just felt like singing. Back to the story. A split second later the door opened again and out emerged Wu Fei, a decently clothed Wu Fei. (Aw, man!) And he was screamin' mad, hey you would to if someone caught you in lingerie! What was he screamin' 'bout? What else? Injustice!
Wu Fei: This is injustice! Blah, blah, blah, blah, injustice this, blah, blah, blah, rights violation, blah, blah, blah, Injustice!!!
Heero: (blink, blink) ... (wipes injustice spit from face)
Wu Fei: (scowls at Heero)
Heero: ... why were you wearing women's underwear? ... (blink, blink)
Now, normally Heero wouldn't even ask such a question and Wu Fei would rather die than answering such a thing, but I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! WHAT I SAY WILL BE!!! And because of my almighty fan fic writing powah, Wu Fei shyly invited Heero into his room and prepared to tell Heero the truth about why he was wearing lingerie.
The room was barer than Heero's! There was only a bed and a small closet. What made it weird, like all the other G-wing rooms, were the heavy curtains draped on a supposed-to-be-bare wall.
Wu Fei: Ehem... well, Heero. I'm doing this because I believe I can trust you with my little secret.
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: I'm a girl trapped in a guy's body.
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: And I'm head-over-heels with Treize!
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: I'm serious! Look!
Wu Fei tore away the curtains on the wall to reveal it crammed with Treize pictures. Some were obviously taken with a spy camera. There were pictures of Treize drinking tea, Treize sitting in the park, Treize working out, Treize in a bunny-suit (what the hell?) and Treize while taking a bath. Oh Wu Fei, you naughty, naughty boy...
Wu Fei: Well?! Aren't you going to say anything, Heero?!
Heero: ...
Wu Fei: Fine! Be that way! Let's see who won't fall head over heels for me once I get a sex change! (kicks Heero out of his room)
Heero: (butt lands outside Wu Fei's room) ...
Poor, poor Heero. He can't find his underwear anywhere. He then searched high and low in every corner of Earth and all the remaining colonies. He just couldn't find them. He didn't leave them in Zech's room... not even in Relena's. Where could it be? Anyway, finally admitting defeat...
Heero: ...omae wo korosu...
(fall of a thousand sweatdrops) Okay... so finally admitting defeat, a very tired and very pissed off Heero went back home in his room and sulked on his bed. The door opened and Duo came in. He sat beside Heero.
Heero: (points a gun at Duo) omae wo korosu...
Duo: Hey, chill man! I just want to say something!
Heero: (puts gun away) ...
Duo: I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about the whole incident and all but the truth is... you never wore underwear to begin with. I didn't know you'd freak out like that, I'm sorry I teased you.
Heero: (really pissed off)
Duo: Uhm... Heero are you okay? You're shivering...
Heero: YYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! (rage mode, gets his gun)
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (runs)
So Duo ran out of the room as Heero started shooting at him. Fortunately, thanks to Heero's temporary stupid aim given to him by the almighty fan fic author, he always narrowly misses Duo's head. Anyway, they chased each other through the house. Now I could end this fic by saying that they chased each other the whole night but I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! What I say goes!
And what I am saying is that Heero and Duo chased each other towards the garden. Just as Heero finally cornered Duo, a large red gundam suddenly landed behind them.
Duo: what's that?
Heero: a gundam
Duo: DUH?! I know that's a gundam, stupid! But what gundam is that?
Suddenly the door to the gundam opened and six raven-haired girls fell out. The first one, a tall girl with long hair and glasses stood up. Her name was Mary.
Mary: Haha! I'm finally here! (grabs Duo) Duo! (hugs)
Duo: Eh? Hey, lady. Who are you?
Heero: (protectively pries Duo from Mary's grip) ... Duo's mine ...
Mary: Nu-uh! Dou's mine! (grabs Duo again)
Heero: He's mine... (grabs Duo)
Mary: Mine!
Heero: Mine!
Mary: Mine!
Heero: Mine!
Mary: Duo is mine!
Heero: omae wo korosu
Duo: Hey! Don't I get to say anything?
Heero: ... Duo's mine.
Mary: (sigh) Fine. If I can't take Duo away from you... then I'll just take you both! Nyahahahaha! Now I can watch them do yaoi without having to buy or download doujinshis!
After knocking the two unconscious, she carried them into their gundam. After that, another girl, the tall one with long and straight hair, jumped up and screamed. Her name is KC.
KC: ZECHS!!! I'm coming! (runs off to abduct Zechs and include him in her harem of anime characters)
Her remaining four friends sweatdropped. Then a short girl whose hair was tied into a messy ponytail stepped forward. Her name is Luchi. She was talking to another girl who also had messy wavy hair. Her name is Emer.
Luchi: What now?
Emer: I don't know.
Luchi: I know! I'll abduct Quatre!
Emer: (sweatdrops) Luchi...
Luchi: But what about Trowa? I can't leave him behind. It will break both his and Weiner-boy's heart! I know! I'll abduct them both!
Emer: And Wu Fei?
Luchi: Maybe... Alright, then we already have all five Gundam boys! Yey!
Emer: Great... and then what am I going to do?
Luchi: You could go assassinate Relena!
Emer: That's right! (psycho laugh) Get ready for me, Relena! (runs off to kill Relena)
Luchi: QUATRE!!! TROWA!!! WU FEI!!! NYAHAHAHHAHA!!! (runs off to abduct them)
What about the last two remaining girls? Justine, the one with short hair and glasses, was left with Margret, who had long hair and glasses.
Justine: What are we going to do?
Margret: I don't know. Do you have any idea on which anime we are now?
Justine: Nope.
Margret: (sigh) Let's just wait here.
Justine: (sigh)
They stepped into the red gundam and passed time by watching Mary glomp Duo. KC came back later with Zechs, who had already fallen hopelessly in love with her thanks to her extensive collection of aphrodisiacs. Emer returned later with a satisfied grin on her face.
Mary: Duo! (hugs Duo)
Zechs: KC! (hugs KC)
KC: Oh Zechs! (hugs Zechs back)
Justine and Margret: (sweatdrops)
Emer: (psycho laugh)
Justine and Margret: (edges away from Emer)
Then another gundam appeared, it was Deathscythe Hell!
Duo: What the- That's my Deatscythe!
Heero: ...
Jutsine: We're receiving a message from the approaching gundam!
Luchi's face appeared on the gundam's screen.
Luchi: Yo! (peace sign)
KC: Haw! (waves)
Luchi: Anyway, I finally abducted Quatre and Trowa over here. Unfortunately, all they do is make out with each other.
Trowa: Quatre, as long as we're together, I know we'll survive.
Quatre: Oh, Trowa! (hearts) (A/n: This is what happens when you watch Starwars Episode 2... you find yourself making Amidala/Anakin-like sappy love lines. *sigh)
Luchi: And Wu Fei here has had a sex change.
Wu Fei: (finally a sexy vixen) This is injustice! I still have to go and seduce Treize! Let me out of here onna! You're weak! All women are weak!
Luchi: Ha! Look who's talking, babe!
Wu Fei: (blushes, takes a look at himself) Oh yeah... Well, I don't care! I'm a fairy princess! Lalalalala! (dances, does a lot of pirouettes inside the gundam)
Luchi: Oh, quit it already! (blasts Wu Fei with her bazooka)
Wu Fei: (falls down unconscious and burnt into a thin crisp)
Luchi: Ehem... so... any questions, guys?
Mary: Why's you steal the Deathscythe? It's not fair! I wanted to steal the Deathschythe!
Duo: No way! Deathschythe's mine!
Luchi: Well, we can't all fit in my Gundam Angelus, right?
Mary: Good point.
Margret: How much longer are we going to stay here? The readers of this fic are practically begging for you to end this already.
Luchi: Okay. I'm the almighty author of this fic. Whatever I say goes. Mission accomplished, girls. Let's go!
The gundams took off, leaving the world of Gundam Wing in total chaos. As to how more than one person can fit in a gundam, I don't care. The end. It's a stupid ending really, but I don't care! Beh! I AM THE ALMIGHTY FAN FIC AUTHOR!!! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!
Author's note: BAKABAKAbakabakabakabakaba!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL MY MIGHTY FANFIC WRITING POWER AND FEAR ME! FEAR ME!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!