Feedback: Please read and review, flames are not welcome.
A/N: Thanks go, once more, to Sherdelune, my beta, for her patience and encouragement. Any errors still remaining would be mine. Also want to thank all those that have reviewed my story so far. I appreciate your feedback and pushes to continue writing.
Warning: Some OotP spoilers. Anything between two *, denotes a thought.
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Wanted: Single, Older Male for a Roommate
Chapter 8: A Few Revelations
Sunday went much like Saturday did, except for one little detail, he noticed that Harry did not bring Sliver with him to the dungeons when he came to help Severus with his potion. Severus continued to watch Harry occasionally while he cleaned up the used cauldrons and found himself slightly stunned that Harry could work so peacefully and companionably with himself.
Severus would never admit to anyone unless under extreme duress, but he was coming to enjoy the daily presence of Harry in his office and classroom, basically in his life. He knew that when the end of school came, he would be taking Harry up on his offer. There really was no option other than that. He enjoyed this new and wonderful friendship, it was comfortable and soothing, a balm to his tormented past. It was the chance to start anew and he was grabbing a hold of it with both hands.
Severus continued to watch Harry throughout the week. Monday was once again NEWT level Potions and this time he paid closer attention to the interaction between all of his students. He definitely kept an eagle eye on Malfoy, to make sure he didn't try any of his foolish tricks. Therefore, the class passed without a single mishap. In fact, because he was paying such close attention to Malfoy, even Longbottom managed to make a credible potion.
The tutoring sessions went well indeed, and he foresaw that both Harry and Mr. Weasley would do well on the NEWT exams in potions, and if they didn't... . Well, let's just say he would probably hex them Fred and George style, maybe turn them into frogs or something for a day or two. Ms. Granger, of course, would excel as was her usual, so he had no concerns in that area. Of course, if any of his other students did fail, he would not be around to teach them again in the next year.
*Rapturous joy! I can't believe I hadn't thought about retiring sooner. The end of this damn school year can't come soon enough. No more dunderheads, no more Longbottoms, no more Gryffindors! And, Merlin, no more hearing whispers about being a greasy git. How I hate that name. Or snarky bastard. Now that one, I know I cultivated, but I'm tired of being despised. At least now, I know that there is someone out there, besides Dumbledore, who doesn't think of me like that.*
It was with these thoughts, that he found himself back in his quiet chambers after a long day of teaching. He sank down wearily into his plush chair by the cozy fire after depositing the essays and lessons onto his desk. He was glad tomorrow was Friday and the last regular class before the exams would begin. *Just another two weeks. I just have to get through two more weeks and then... then I can be with my Harry.* Severus inhaled sharply and his eyes widened at that last thought. *My Harry?! But he's not my Harry. He's my friend, certainly. I mean.. I just...* Severus shook his head, he couldn't believe that he was mentally stuttering. It just wasn't like him to be this off balance. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, to calm himself, to clear his mind and to analyze his last thought.
Severus sank even further into his chair and sighed. He rubbed at the bridge of nose in frustration. *This is not happening. What am I saying... I'm not even sure what exactly is happening. This has got to be all Harry's fault, I just know it.* Severus shook his head and grinned to himself. Here he was, pinning the blame on the unsuspecting Gryffindor for his chaotic thoughts just because the young man decided to befriend him. Blaming Harry Potter for things that went wrong was just too much of a habit. *A habit I have got to break.*
Severus stared into the fire and lost himself in his thoughts and the feelings they produced. He started back seven years ago, when he had first learned that Harry "The Boy Who Lived" Potter would be attending Hogwarts. His heart had been filled with such hatred at the son of James and Lily Potter. He couldn't really understand that antagonism he had for such an innocent young boy, perhaps it had been a deep rooted jealousy at Harry being thought of as the savior of the Wizarding world, when he felt it should have been himself and all that he had sacrificed. He knew though, that he didn't want to delve to deeply into that area, as he knew it would show how petty he had been at the time.
*So much has changed. Harry and I have both grown in maturity as the years have passed. It just took so long to realize, that both of us were not who we thought the other to be. What a shame for all that time wasted, when we could have... No, we could not have been friends, not until the Dark Lord had been vanquished. Now, though, now we are friends and it's as if a precious gift has been given to me. Freedom to let the dark part of my soul rest forever. It's not gone, nor will it ever be, maybe now though it could be at peace.*
Severus laid he head back against the chair and closed his eyes, letting the soothing heat from the fire embrace him. Behind his closed eyes, images from the past two weeks washed over him like a gentle summer shower. The camping trip, where the first step in their friendship had taken place. His uncertainty of being worthy of such a thing. Waking up each morning to find Harry so close to him and having Harry's crystal clear, green eyes open with such joy, all because he had accepted the offer of friendship. It left him comforted and yet breathless with anticipation.
His body relaxed further, as if a mellow charm had been cast over each of his muscles. Severus slowly dozed off with his thoughts centered entirely on Harry, which led to him dreaming about the young wizard.
It all seemed so real, as if reliving the memory of that not so long ago morning. Here he was lying on his side down on the cold forest floor with a warm heavy weight across part of his body and feeling gentle puffs of warm, moist air against his face and neck. It felt good and he laid there for several minutes taking in all the sensations. He slowly opened his eyes to see Harry sleeping peacefully and with his lips curved in a gentle smile. *He's so very beautiful and he's here with me. He's all mine.* Severus gently shifted his arm out from under Harry's and lifted his hand to push some of the younger man's hair away from his face. He caressed the shiny, silky strands and the side of Harry's face, urging the young man to awaken, wanting to see the jade green eyes. Harry stirred softly and the arm he had draped over Severus twitched. The eyes slowly and drowsily opened, they were soft and unfocused, as if waking from a pleasant dream. The gentle smile that had graced those tender lips deepened as Harry became aware of the man facing him. Severus' breath hitched slightly, as Harry slowly leaned forward and whispered a quiet good morning gently across Severus' parted lips. Severus drew Harry closer towards him, until their chests were touching, and Harry brought his lips flush against Severus'. Severus heard a moan of pleasure and when he realized it was his own, he jerked.
Severus jerked awake, startled. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was gasping for breath. His took stock of his surroundings and the state his body was in. He was highly aroused from such a ... *Merlin! The dream. It felt so real.* Severus groaned at the implications of what his dream revealed to him. *I'm attracted to Harry. I want Harry. No, wait, that can't be true. Maybe it's because I was just thinking about Harry before I fell asleep that he naturally just happened to occupy the role of a lover. Yes, that's it.*
He exhaled as he felt that he had solved the answer. He got up from the chair and decided that it was vital to take a cold shower to cool off from effects of the dream. It wouldn't do to take matters in hand, while the dream was still so fresh in his conscious mind and Harry was the star, otherwise he knew that he wouldn't be able to look Harry in the eye, or even Albus.
After the short cold shower, he dressed and prepared for bed. He lay there quietly, staring up at the ceiling for several long minutes. He was almost afraid to go back to sleep. He knew it would be wrong to dream such a thing again. *Well, since I'm not thinking about Harry, then if I dream about a lover, Harry won't be the one placed in that role.* He stopped short, when he suddenly realized the overall significance of the dream. He had never dreamt about having a lover before, well he had, but not in over 17 years. He sat up with a start and dropped his head down into his hands in mortification. *Oh, dear heavens. I do want Harry, not just his friendship. I want him -- body, heart and soul. When on earth did I allow this to happen?*
Severus flopped back down onto the bed. *What am I going to do now? Push Harry's friendship away, deny how I feel about Harry, what?!*
Just thinking about pushing Harry away, no matter how he felt, was the wrong idea. *Why should I cause both of us pain? I can handle this. I can just keep what I feel to myself. I've done it for this long, acting and hiding who I am. I just didn't think I'd have to start it over again so soon. But to keep Harry's friendship, I will do anything, because I know it will be worth it in the end.* These past weeks with Harry have, as far as he could tell, been the best in his sad, miserable life and he wanted more of those moments to keep and store away in his heart. *So, I'll still move in with him and be near him every day for as long as possible.* He did not have the hope and trust in his heart that Harry did, that Harry would come to love him in return, because no one could love him. Could they?
Severus tried to push those thoughts aside and instead focused on the possibility of opening his potions shoppe in Diagon Alley. He would put things in motion this coming weekend to find out if such a project was feasible.
He fell asleep within moments, and this time he dreamt not of Harry, but of his future business instead.
...
Come morning, Severus was up and he felt enthusiastic and energetic for once. His dreams of how his new potions shoppe would be prosperous made him ready to start the new day and his new life away from Hogwarts. *Just two more weeks, which doesn't give me much time. Tomorrow I will need to see if there is any space available in Diagon Alley. As much as I would like to have my business there, I can't have everything fall in to place immediately and with no impediments. My luck just doesn't go that way.*
Severus was unaware, but the anticipation of this new venture had but a sparkle in his eyes and a healthy glow to his cheeks, making him look extremely happy and healthy. It was sure to cause much speculation amoung the staff and students of the school.
He attended the morning meal in the Great Hall, feeling he would need a good breakfast to get him through the day. Students would be coming to him in droves for last minute questions about their potions work before exams. Though, even that thought could not put a damper on his outlook for the day. Severus decided today would be the day he'd let Albus know he was formally and officially resigning from his post.
Albus noticed this positive change in Severus during breakfast and unaware of the cause behind it all, wondered if the younger wizard had finally figured out his feelings for Harry. If that were the case, he felt it would not be long before those two got together in a greater capacity than their current fledgling friendship. He was positively thrilled at those two finding everlasting happiness, and he wanted to rub his hands together with glee. Instead he allowed his happiness to shine through with the ever present twinkle in his eyes.
Albus watched as Harry, along with his friends entered the Great Hall for breakfast. They were chatting quietly amongst themselves and soon they were close enough to the Head Table, that Harry glanced away from his friends to look at Severus. What Harry saw, made him blink in astonishment and blush slightly.
*Wow, Severus looks wonderful. What I wouldn't give to be the cause for that glow he's got. He looks happy -- as if it were a great day to be alive.*
Just as Harry was gazing at Severus, the other man looked up and their eyes locked on to each other. Both were still too far away to clearly see the expression and feeling in the other person's eyes, so each tried to conceal how they felt. Harry gave Severus a quick smile and Severus in return nodded an acknowledgement.
*Merlin, but that was close. It wouldn't do to reveal how I long for him. I'll just have to work harder at keeping things better hidden.* Both of them had the same thought at the same time.
However, both of them were looking forward to the chore that Harry would be performing that evening. They might not be able to show how they feel, but they definitely could not ignore the longing to be in the other's company.
~tbc~