Remus sat at the Griffindor table in the great hall, unoticed by the noisy crowd of students in the great hall. Normally he would have attracted the attention a million girls, but not now, not when he looked so horrible; his eyes blood shot, his hair messed up, his clothes crinkled, and years beyond his age.

Nobody recognized him as smart, cool, popular Remus Lupin who was part of the most sought after heart throb gang in the school, the muraders.

His head was in his hands, he had a horrible headache. His whole body was sore and painful. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was shaky. He didn't try to eat for fear that if he did, he would drop his fork.

He heard two people sit down oposite him and start eating, bickering and poking and teasing each other. Remus didn't even need to look up, he knew who they were.

"Really mate, just try and eat something," His friend James Potter looked across the table at his with sympathy.

"Come on, Lupin! Just try, other wise I'm going to spoon feed you, and THAT might look a little awkward," said Siruis, he always made Remus laugh the hardest.

Remus smiled slightly. He rested his head on the table. Then he banged it.

"What are you doing?" Mercy came up behind him, and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hullo," he mumbled, but he stayed with his head on the table.

"Rough night, huh?" she sat down beside him, and put her hand on his. She brought it to her lips and kissed it. "I'm sorry," she whispered to his hand. Remus smiled again, but his time it was with more energy.

He lifted his head off the table, his friends were all giving him sympathetic looks.

"Don't look at me like that!" he said, throwing up his hands.

"Sorry mate, we were only worried,"
"Yeah, were your friends, were supposed to do that,"

"Remus, I love you, you know that. I just want you to be okay."

"Thanks," he hugged her, and he tried to eat again. He was right, he did drop his fork.

***

Remus sat under a tree by the lake. He was by himself again. He was still a little shaky, but he was doing much better than this morning. He was seriously thinking about his being a werewolf and Mercy. He tried to find a way to balance it, but so far, he had no such luck. He watched the giant squid reach up out of the water and tickle a 1st year, surprising her so much, she screamed, dropping her bag and all her books. The top of the lake bubbled, almost like the giant squid was laughing. He saw a group of Slytherins laughing loudly at her as she bent down to pick up her belonings, pink faced.

Remus sighed, he really didn't deserve Mercy. But he loved her so much, he didn't want to let her go.

He punched the tree he was leaning on, Damn it! I'm being selfish for holding on to her. She doesn't deserve me. I'm putting her in danger!

Remus growled in anger, slid down the tree and sat again.

He ran his hands through his hair, at the age of 17 he was already beginning to grow white hairs and wrinkles around his eyes. Mercy thought they were cute.

Remus sighed. But he would also cause her pain if he broke up with her, he didn't want that, he couldn't do that.

Not to Mercy.

But he had to, better she be mad at him, than he hurt her and not being alive to be mad at him.