Tales of the Naban Mirror: Dress Up to Dress Down, The Sequel:
Chapter 1, Ranma's Book of Horrors
By Ron Dow75
The ridiculous chase continued throughout most of the house, with a
giggling, VERY self-conscious Ranma-chan leading the youngest Tendou
sisters from one of the costumes she'd taken from Nabiki's collection to
another, sloughing off each in its turn, picking up the next one she'd
planted and putting that on. And STILL keeping a few steps ahead of
her!! Harem, bunny, vamp, sailor suit, tiger-striped bikini, the cross-
dresser got there first, and all Nabiki could do was pick up the costume
pieces and, with Akane, pray she'd trip!!
The lunatic even had the gall to use Akane's OWN gi before her fiancé
stripped out of that one, too, just before she dashed into the dojo.
Inside, the redhead was waiting for them: She was on the ground she had
chosen, ready to take her stand! Akane's mouth dropped, while Nabiki
struggled to hide the embarrassment behind her anger.
Ranma was attired in black leather boots, G-string, bustier, and a
spiked collar. But around his head, he had on a banzai bandana(!!!)
"Okay: This is it!!" the pigtailed girl challenged them with as straight
a face as she could.
"Saotome; WHAT do you think you're DOING!?!" Nabiki challenged back at
her.
"Making my declaration of Manhood!"
"In THAT outfit!??!" Akane screamed.
"LISTEN to me for once!!" she threatened to have a tantrum. He pointed
at Nabiki: "YOU tried to dress me up like a girl! And YOU!" he pointed
at Akane: "YOU keep calling me a PERVERT Well...." he said, planting his
fists on his flaring hips: "See what a REAL pervert girl would look
like!!"
Silence.
"That's it??" Nabiki said. "You made us chase you for our clothes
yesterday, hid out with them through the night, THEN Stashed them around
the house while we slept so you could lead us on another stupid chase--
this time even Modeling them!--And THAT'S it!!?"
"OoorrR!!" Akane fumed.
Ranma-chan's red was reaching all the way to her cleavage. "Nabiki
started it!!! Putting on girl-stuff ain't no fantasy of MINE!! Why not
ask HER what she's doing with all this weird stuff?!!"
"Nabiki!! Why'd you have to give Ranma the chance to make such a great
big fat FOO-OOL of himself!!?"
"Hey!! It was a business opportunity!"
"Yeah, right," Ranma-chan said.
"Costume rental!! Costume rental!! "Usagi's Tuxedo and Mask" gave them
to me as collateral!"
"Remember those photos of me you sold to Kuno?!!"
Akane gasped. "Ranma!! You didn't!?!"
"I figured you'd have some sort of an explanation for why you have all
this weird stuff in your closet, Nabiki. Well:" (she smiled at this
moment of truth) "You know that 'special' underwear of yours?"
It was obvious Ranma-chan was getting to her.
"...and that life-sized poster of you?"
"You don't have the guts," Nabiki said.
The smiled now crooked half her face, as she crossed her arms. "Your
move."
Nabiki hid her face behind the hand the went up and held her head.
"Give."
"Now you know how *I* feel."
///
"Well, I haven't conceded, Ranma!!" Akane cried. "How DARE you invade
her privacy!!"
"HER privacy!!??!!"
"And how dare you bring that, that --THING(!!!) into a sanctified
dojo!!" Akane was on the attack again.
"Aw, give me a break, Akane! I can't run very good in heels!" As Ranma-
chan made to turn and run, she took a misstep, and twisted an ankle.
That was when Akane was ready to deliver her blow with the shinai 'bat'.
Ranma fell; Akane missed.
Thup!
Ranma saw Akane spinning like a tipping top, about to hit the floor:
Hard, wrong, and against the end of the sword!!
The redhead rolled onto her back, and put up her hose-clad legs, and
caught her with the balls of his stiletto shoes, taking her weight onto
herself.
BUT Akane used it as an opportunity to finish her attack with the split-
bamboo sword.
Whack! Got 'em!!
--And she slipped off the boots, and landed hard and wrong on the floor.
Thud-dumpff!
"Ow!! Ouch-ch-ch...."
"Akane!" Ranma got to his knees, and by her side. "Are you okay?!"
"Give...." she said, slapping him away.
///
Ranma was back to looking like himself. The pigtailed boy was hanging
upside down from the purlin, his knees bent so he could look through
Akane's window.
Akane was sitting on her bed, rubbing her leg, flexing and stretching
it. She didn't look like she was in any real pain, but still...
Something was seemed wrong.
"A, Akane...?"
"Hunh!? Oh. It's you again," she went to ignoring him.
"What!? That's it?" He dropped to her sill, and somersaulted into her
room. "Aren't you going to attack me? Not even scream at me?"
He saw she wasn't. "You are hurt."
"Well, I'm NOT. So you can leave. I, I'd like to be alone."
"But, uh, your leg...?!"
"I don't want to talk about it! Especially with YOU! Now, get out!" And
she turned her back to him, pulling down her hem, and withdrew into
herself.
Ranma felt embarrassed, like he really had intruded in on her this time.
Unable to look at her, he noticed something in her waste can.
///
After Akane screamed at the great idiot, Ranma rushed to get out. Akane
had more luck using the shinai as a spear.
"Ow!" Ranma said, rubbing the back of is head out in the hall.
"NOW what is it, Saotome?" Nabiki said, seeing Ranma closing Akane's
door behind himself. "Can't you give it a rest for even a little while."
"She's hurt," he held up something he thought was a bloodied bandage.
Nabiki said coldly, "Are you TRYING to be funny?"
He didn't like her attitude, "Your sister getting hurt this bad is
supposed to be..."funny"!?!"
"Saotome! It's her time of the month."
"She gets hurt every month!??"
"You are slow, aren't you."
"Well, BE that way! I'm sorry I bothered. It has nothing to do with me,"
he said, flicking the 'bandage' away as he walked past her.
"Of course not! You're a-- Hunh!?!" she sucked in her breath, and rocked
on her heels. She looked at him. "You REALLY have no idea?! How long
have you been a girl?!"
"Don't start that again, Nabiki." He continued to walk away from her.
"Let's see... Uh, two weeks in China, then: Here... Ranma!! It's been
over a MONTH!!"
"Don't remind me."
Nabiki dropped her load, to catch up with him. "Uh, Ranma, do you, uhh,
bleed?"
"What do you mean by that!? I ain't no undead or something!"
"Ranma, listen: You may be in BIG trouble."
"Ranma's in trouble?" Kasumi asked from the middle of the stairs,
carrying more of Nabiki's things.
"Of the kind only girls can have."
"Oh, My!!" Kasumi gasped, dropping the things.
///
Nabiki took the pitcher from Kasumi's night table, and...
Trickle, trickle.
"Wet again," Ranma-chan frowned.
"Sorry, Ranma," Nabiki said, setting the pitcher back down, "but this is
girl talk."
"Don't say that! I don't want to play dress-up, and I DON'T want to do
girl talk!" the pigtailed girl told them, rising from the edge of
Kasumi's bed. "It gives me the creeps. I'm a GUY!"
Both Nabiki and Kasumi pushed her back down by the shoulders. She looked
up at them. They were serious; and from Kasumi she got a sense of
genuine concern. At the moment, the big sister reminded her of a mother.
"Like it or not, Ranma, you're also a girl: And the "creeps" is the
least of your problems."
"I'm sorry, Ranma," Kasumi said. "I guess we really do think of you as a
boy."
"You do?"
"Yeah... I guess I WAS out of line, Ranma. Sorry about the clothes."
Ranma looked at Nabiki, and then to Kasumi, and back again. "What's
goin' on??"
Kasumi looked at Nabiki. "No! You have to be wrong, Nabiki! It couldn't
be."
"The question is: Just how much of a woman he really is."
"Ranma's a boy, Nabiki!"
"Half a boy, Kasumi. And as much as I feel sorry for the guy, I find the
idea that a boy may be—"
"No, Nabiki!!" Kasumi said, blushing. "Don't say it! Why bring it up, if
it's not true."
"Uhh..." Ranma tried to say.
"And what if it is true!? Wait until he Shows?!"
"Shows??" Ranma said.
"He won't. Ranma's a good boy."
"And what about HER!? What do we know about the Original owner?!!"
"Oh, my!!" Kasumi put her hand to her mouth, and blushed even redder.
"Hey!! Here I am! You can talk to me!!" she cried in frustration.
"Sorry, Ranma," Kasumi bowed to her, unable to look her in the eye.
"Ranma," Nabiki said, straddling the lone chair in the room, "as I
remember, that guide of yours in China said something about a "very
tragic legend"...of a drowned girl? Why did she drown?"
"Aww, he was no help!" Ranma-chan said, crossing her arms and legs while
sitting on the bed. "When we asked him about the story, he asked which
one we wanted to hear!"
"Hunh??"
"Oh, my!" Kasumi sat down on the bed near him.
" ' Turns out the springs have more than one story about them. They all
do. But stories about young girls are the most popular, so everybody has
their own version: And the guide memorized them all!"
"Are you sure you don't remember any of them?" Kasumi asked.
"I don't know. It was a long journey, and he and Pop went on and on
about them to pass the time. But I basically stopped listening when I
found out they could all just be stories."
"Saotome, you are SUCH a jerk," Nabiki said.
"What happened to the truce!?"
"Maybe Mr. Saotome would remember," Kasumi offered.
"And if he asks WHY we're suddenly interested in them, what then?"
"I'm sure you can come up with a cleaver plan, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"You're doing it again!" Ranma cried. "WHY would you want to hear them?!
And why worry about Pop? As long as he's talkin'—"
"Are you sure you don't remember, Ranma?" Kasumi asked again.
Nabiki asked, "Ranma... er, was any of those girls, uh, pregnant?"
"P, P, P, REGNANT!!??!!"
///
"Quiet!..." Kasumi pleaded. "Do you want your father to hear?!"
"HIS father!?!" Nabiki jumped out of her seat. "What about Daddy?!!?
After he's cried for hours, he'll want to give us the talk—And cry all
over again!"
"...PREGNANT!?!?!"
"Stop saying that word, Ranma!" Kasumi warned. "It's not polite!"
"I CAN'T pregnant! I'm a GUY!!"
"You should've used a better word, Nabiki!"
"Oh, come on, Kasumi! Grow—"
"You should never've even STARTED!!" Ranma told her. The redhead rose
from the bed, her fists tightly clenched at his sides, afraid of what
she might do with them. "I'm a guy! Things like that—"
"Is, is it okay for me to, uh, come in?"
The two sisters froze, becoming quite pale. Then they saw it was Akane
who was poking her head through the half opened door.
They let out a big sigh of relief, and suddenly felt weak.
"I, I couldn't help hear—"
"Don't say it!!" Ranma warned. "DON'T."
"Yes, please," Kasumi begged. Don't."
"What do you want? Expecting; with child; in the family way? Or maybe
just plain knocked—"
"Nabiki!! Stop it! Stop it now!!" Akane told her in no uncertain terms.
"Don't be crude," Kasumi said.
"Is it, is it true?" Akane asked.
"We don't know, yet, Akane," Kasumi said.
"But, he, uh, she(?) has the first sign," Nabiki said.
"What sign?!! I wish somebody'd tell me how you're suppose to know all
of this!!"
"You mean--?" Akane's face twitched. "I, I never, EVEN, thought..."
Akane fainted.
///
Splash.
Akane woke on Kauai's bed, with Nabiki's hand over her mouth.
"Shh!" Nabiki cautioned her. "Would YOU like to explain things to the
two fathers?"
Still in a daze, Akane shook her head. Nabiki removed her hand.
"You're a guy, Alright!! ' Couldn't hold off, could you?!" Akane
screamed. "The body gave you the opportunity, and—"
"Now, Akane, you—" Kasumi tried to speak to her.
"Don't be so pathological, Sis. Think about it, will you?!" Nabiki told
her. "Do you honestly think Ranma could even imagine doing that?"
"Yes, Akane. He has been chaperoned by Uncle Saoto—" Kasumi said.
"It had to be the GIRL, the original," Nabiki said.
"And it might not have been her fault," Kasumi stood up for the
stranger.
"Will you all STOP talking about me like I'm not even here!!?!"
"Look at him, Akane. The poor sap refuses to even remember the facts of
life."
"I do too remember!"
"Then tell us, Mr. Warrior."
"Well, I, uh, I can't tell-- I mean: In front of GIRLS?!" Ranma-chan was
mortified.
"Well, he is a GUY, Nabiki. Would you like to tell him?" Akane
challenged.
"Sure. I'd just say, uh, well: A girl and a guy, umm..." Nabiki realized
she had to LIVE with Ranma.
"Still don't get it?" Akane asked rhetorically.
"Oh! I have a book...." Kasumi said, and went to her little book case.
"THAT book?!" Akane said.
"Yes," Nabiki smirked. "Perfect."
"Well, yes. I guess so," Akane acceded. "But we need more."
"The test," Nabiki said, her smirk becoming a wicked grin.
"What test?" Ranma asked.
"You are dense, aren't you. Get with the program."
"You can get it, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"Me!?? Why me?!"
Akane and Kasumi crossed their arms, and looked at her under stern
faces. Akane spoke, "Ranma. What did you do with those photos?"
///
Only a few rays of the late afternoon sun got past the curtains drawn
closed over the room Ranma shared with his father. The room was dark,
and the boy was curled up on the futon he'd rolled out.
But he could not find any comfort, so he tossed and turned for a little
while, before sitting up on the mat.
He reached under the futon, and pulled out THE book. He sat there for a
while longer, just looking at the title, "What Every Girl Should Know".
He shuddered, and stuck it back under the futon.
He got up, and left the room.
///
Ranma wandered for a while, but ended up near the dojo.
"Hyaii!!" Akane was out in the arena, breaking cinder blocks with her
bare hands. Ranma stood there watching her, unable to say a word.
"Oh. It's you, Ranma," she said, sounding subdued.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked.
"What is there to say?" he said very quietly.
"How about how you could be so stupid?" but her tone revealed her
sympathy.
"Awww!" Ranma kicked a piece of cinder block, then kept his foot
swinging. "I really did spend most of my life traveling." He started
making patterns in the white sand with the foot. "Just me and Pop,
basically. He didn't allow me to watch much TV. And what magazines and
mangas I did get to look were from guys who were interested in martial
arts stuff."
"But still, you must've had some curiosity abou—"
Ranma swiped his foot across the patterns he'd been making. "Pop made
sure I was either thinking about my training, or was too tired to.
"When I would try and talk about anything like that, he would say
something about evil, and master, or something, and beat me up. He said
that's what girls would do to me if they caught me."
"Oh." Could guys really go with being obsessed about sex?
Ranma turned his back, and started to shuffle away. "And after Jusenkyo,
I guess I lost what interest I still had. I've been avoiding lookin' at
my problem. I am not much a real man, after all."
"No, Ranma. I, I'd say that makes you sound LIKE a real man. I'll, I'll
never call you a mere "boy" again." Akane hurried over to him, and took
hold of a sleeve. "Care to do a little sparring?"
"I don't fight girls," it came as a reflex.
She moved in front of him, and smiled at him. "Since when is sparring
fighting?" Then she ran to the dojo. "Or are you not "man" enough to
take me on?" she said in her best seductive challenge.
///
Ranma leaned against the doorjamb, watching Akane go through the
routines. Here was something familiar. He went to her, and started
echoing her movements. When she went to her left, he went to his left,
she right, he right; when she did a change-up, he did his best to
anticipate it.
Then he started reading her moves before she'd even had a chance to make
them, it seemed. Akane was getting annoyed with him again.
Then he clipped her.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Akane!"
"It's nothing. Just a another, you know, cramp getting in the way."
"A cramp?"
"Hunh!? Have you read any of the book!?!"
"Well, uh, I..."
"Aaarr!!!" And Akane punched him to the ceiling. "I hope you get
PMS!!"
///
"Ranma. Ranma! You in there?" Pop said, opening the dojo's door. "You
missed our workout! It's breakfast—"
He was there, alright, but as a girl. She was slumped over in a corner,
asleep.
"Get up, Ranma!" Pop said as he walked over to him. "It's not good for a
martial artist to be such a sound sleeper," he grumbled. "Ranma!! It's a
school day—get-- hunh? A book?"
On the floor by his side, the boy was holding a book, with a finger
still marking his place. It didn't look like a school book. "What would
he be reading that would have him up—"
Thud!
"Ouch!" Ranma-chan was awakened to stars spinning around her head.
"Ranma...!!" Pop growled worse that he ever did as a panda. "What were
you Doing with this!?"
A book... THE book, landed on him.
"Uh, er..., umm," her face reddened. "Research?"
That sounded good, she thought, getting up. "You always said (ouch) a
martial artist (hss), should know his strengths and, ummm, weaknesses."
Mr. Saotome studied him. "You're not getting weird on me, are you?"
"Of course not!! What kind of guy do you think I am?!!"
After a moment of thought, Pop reached out, and put a hand on his
shoulder. "Ranma..., I'd like you to know; whatever happens...you'll
always be my son."
///
Kasumi and Nabiki were waiting for Ranma when she entered the house.
"You look terrible," Nabiki commented.
"I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Did you read the book?"
Ranma frowned. "Just let me take a bath. I need to get clean."
"Yep. He read the book."
Her frown deepened, as she switched to trying to go around Kasumi. "At
least let me go. I'm late already."
"Of course your are. And that's exactly where need to be," Nabiki said,
holding up a slim box. It read, "Home Pregnancy Test"
"Oh, no!! Unh-uh! I'm a guy!!"
Nabiki leaned over him. "Look in the mirror, Saotome."
"Ranma," Kasumi spoke. "This will...sort of, uh, prove it, won't it? Why
be afraid of something that, uh, can't happen, right?" But there was a
doubt in her voice.
"Afraid! I'm not afraid. I ain't afraid of nothing!"
"Then show us, Ranma!" Nabiki challenged him. "Let's just see how much
of a man you really are."
Ranma clenched her hand, and growled. Why did she have to put it that
way?! And why did Kasumi have to be so concerned for her?
"Come on: Be a man, and get it over with."
///
Nabiki opened the lavatory door, and Kasumi gently pushed her in. "Just
read the instructions..."
" ' Bet no other guy ever had to..." Ranma grumbled.
They closed the door on her, and waited.
From behind the door they heard, "They have GOT to be kidding!" At least
they knew she'd read the instructions.
"You'd better do it, Saotome! We'll be waiting right here!"
They waited.
And what were they going to hear? Nabiki turned to Kasumi, "Want to
bet?"
"You know I don't approve of gambling, Nabiki."
"I'll give you the long odds."
"You mean that Ranma's not?" But Kasumi didn't sound so sure herself.
"If that's what you think will pay off."
"And why would you think otherwise, Nabiki?"
"Oh..." Nabiki quickly shrugged her shoulders. "Just because it would
make things more interesting if—"
Never in their lives had they heard a louder, shriller scream; it broke
out of the room, the house and out over the neighborhood, and beyond.
Even a boy wearing a bandana and with what looked like a bamboo umbrella
heard it.
///
The two fathers heard. Kasumi had made yet another mistake preparing
breakfast. Only Akane held a bowl. And she was frozen in shock.
"What's going on now?" Mr. Tendou asked.
"I'm sure I wouldn't know," Mr. Saotome coughed into his hand. "Maybe I
should talk to the boy," he said, making to get up.
"No!! No! Mr. Saotome, no!! It, it's a mistake--a mistake!" she said,
hanging onto his gi: hanging on TIGHTLY. "It's nothing that...uh, yeah!
Dr. Tofu can handle! Yes!! Dr. Tofu! He can fix anything!! Just stay
here! I'll handle it. Yeah--stay!! Promise? Promise!!"
Akane wouldn't let him go, and he couldn't move, with all of the
strength she was applying. And she had a crazy look in her eye.
"Do as she asks," her father asked. "Humor her."
"Uh..., alright. I'll let you take care of things."
"Thank you, Mr. Saotome!!" She got to her feet, though she was a little
unsteady on them, but was able to bow. "Thank you!" She bowed her way
out of the door. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"What was that all about, Tendou?"
"I have NO idea."
"Tendou?"
"Yes, Saotome?"
"We have good children, don't we?"
"I believe so."
"They are mature and responsible beyond their years."
"I believe so."
"They can meet any challenge they encounter."
"They have so far."
"Do you really want to get mixed up in this disaster?"
"No, I believe not."
///
"Dr. Tofu," Nabiki greeted him at the front door.
"Nabiki, what's wrong?! Akane sounded desperate over the phone. I
couldn't understand what the problem was."
"It's Ranma," she said, leading him through the house. "He --Oh! You
don't know, do you?"
"Ranma? He's her fiancé. What's wrong with him?"
"Well.... It's not Ranma, exactly. It's...a girl we met a couple of
weeks ago. You've met her, right? Red hair, pigtails, wears Chinese
clothes?"
"Yes: The one that looks a lot like Ranma. She's staying around
here, too? Are they related?"
"You could say that."
When they got to the bath room, the door was wide open, and they walked
right in.
"Ranma?!"
"He's in here!" Akane called out to the laundry room.
"Oh, no... He didn't," Nabiki said. "Not again."
"He did."
Nabiki wrapped an arm around her waist, and rested the other elbow on
that, her free hand at her face.
"What's the problem, Nabiki?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"The problem is trying to explain Ranma to you, now. The jerk."
///
"Does Ranma always take a bath with his clothes on?" Dr. Tofu asked.
Akane was on her knees, trying to pry Ranma's hands from the side of the
bathtub. "Come on, Ranma! The doctor's here to help."
"No! No way!! Unh-uh!"
"What is his problem?" the doctor knelt down on one knee beside the tub.
"He looks strong enough to me."
"Doctor, you've GOT to get him out of the tub," Akane pleaded.
"This really looks like a job for a therapist."
"Please, Dr. Tofu! Use one of your martial arts acupuncture or
chiropractic tricks."
"I really shouldn't..."
"Okay, Akane!!" Nabiki called out from down the hall. "I turned off the
hot water: You can drain the tub Now!"
"Oh, no you don't!!" Ranma leaped out of the tub, and ran for the door,
ready to bowl over anybody in his way.
"Stop him, doctor!!" Akane cried, running after him. The doctor stood,
wondering what sort of insanity he'd walked in on.
Splash!
"Saotome, can be SO predictable," Nabiki said over the body she had
tripped.
Splash!
Dr. Tofu'd fallen into the tub.
"It's too late, Ranma. Dr. Tofu saw you change," Akane told him.
"Didn't you doc--Doctor?!"
///
Both Ranma-chan and the doctor were wet now, and so were their clothes.
"You, you look like a real girl(?)"
"You're NOT examining me."
"It doesn't appear to be a disguise... How can you shrink like that?"
"You're NOT going to examine me."
"He's very touchy about it, Dr. Tofu," Akane apologized.
"Well, I would be too." Something of the old Dr. Tofu was coming back.
"It must be hard going through sudden hormonal changes, boy or girl.
It's sort of like instant puberty."
""Instant puberty"," Nabiki grinned. "Yes. I like that." She looked
straight at Ranma. "No wonder you're such a pain."
"I'm going to take a bath," Ranma-chan said, stomping back towards the
tub.
"Stop him, Dr. Tofu!" Akane cried. "He's pregnant!!"
That stopped Ranma-chan. He spun around and yelled, "I AM NOT!! That
damned test lied!"
"Maybe he's right," the doctor said, pushing up his glasses.
Three jaws dropped.
///
"So all that has to happen is for her--I mean HIM, to
be doused with hot water?" Dr. Tofu asked, filling a wash
pail from the bathtub.
"That's right, Dr. Tofu," Akane said. "And cold water makes him into a
girl."
The doctor watched carefully as he trickled the water over Ranma-chan.
"Amazing."
"I'm back!! I'm me again! You see?!! I AM a guy! I ain't pregnant!"
"I didn't say that, Ranma."
"What!?! But you said --I Heard you!! THEY heard you--Right?!!"
The doctor put down the pail. "I said, you, that is, when you are a
girl, MAYBE weren't pregnant. There are many causes for false
pregnancies.
"And one of them is severe stress. Have you had much stress for, say,
the past month?"
"He's only been becoming a girl for the last month, doctor," Akane told
him.
"A month, now. Interesting; and I suppose he, she..." the doctor eyed
the boy in front of him. "I suppose there's been no menstruation?"
"He didn't even know he was suppose to have one," Nabiki informed him.
"So you naturally assumed..."
"What else is a girl suppose to think?!"
"So: Ranma has had the stress of suddenly becoming a girl...and not
knowing when he'll become one again..."
"And it keeps happenin' all the time," Ranma frowned.
"And you DON'T like being a girl?"
"I ain't no pervert."
"I see..."
Dr. Tofu fell into silence, while he held his chin, and diagnosed.
But it wasn't long before he spoke. "Well, Ranma. While there are many
cause for false pregnancies, and false negatives of the test... I don't
know how you can get a false positive."
"What!!??!!" "Doctor..." Even Nabiki looked a little shaken (though,
maybe, for a more ego-centric reason).
"HOWEVER," Dr. Tofu added. "However, if there is an exception, you would
be it."
"Whewww!" Ranma breathed.
"Doctor?" Akane said, refusing to give up on her hero.
"While, as any certified doctor, I'm qualified to treat an expectant
mother, this is not my field. I need to consult a specialist: Not just
one who deals in gynecology and obstetrics, but somebody who may
understand your metaphysical condition."
"AND who can keep a secret!" Akane quickly added.
"Of course," he agreed. He turned to Nabiki. "This must be kept a
secret. Who knows what might happen to Ranma, if word got out."
"Yeah, Nabiki!" Akane added.
Ranma didn't say a thing; he didn't even WANT to contemplate THAT fate.
"Hey. I don't dislike the jerk that much," Nabiki said defensively.
Dr. Tofu turned back to Ranma. "I do have some good news for you,
Ranma!" he smiled professionally.
///
Nabiki and Akane escorted the good doctor to the front door. "I'll see
what I can do about Ranma's problem."
"I'd find him a shrink as well."
"Nabiki!"
"Why, Dr. Tofu! Imagine meeting you like this," Kasumi greeted him from
the other side of the door.
"K, K, Kasumi! Yes. It is quite a coincidence! (Ha, ha.) Who would've
though we'd be meeting here, of all places. Do you come here often?"
"Oh, Doctor, you're so funny."
"Doctor," Mr. Tendou said from behind Kasumi. "May we come in?"
"Why, yes. Make yourself at home. (Ha, ha.) And Mr. Saotome, are you
here, too? Tell that panda he can pay me back in bamboo, if he wants."
Nabiki sighed, and said to Akkane, "It looks like I'm the one who's
going to have to get the test again."
///
"Kasumi," Akane said. "May we see you in the bath room; I mean
upstairs?"
"Of course, Akane. Did the doctor's visit go well?"
Akane glanced at the two fathers, and then back to Kasumi, "Well, good
news..."
"And bad news," Nabiki added.
"Oh, my! Do I have to hear the bad news?" Kasumi asked, as she was
ushered swiftly away.
"Is there nothing we can do, my daughters?" Mr. Tendou asked, as he
continued to stand with Genma.
"Yes," Mr. Saotome said, fiddling with his glasses. "We, your elders,
should be able to bring experience to your aide."
"Uhh. No. Thanks, Mr. Saotome. It, it's nothing we girls can't handle,
bye!" Akane said as the three of them scurried up the stairs.
"I don't think you'll be able to use the bath room for a while," Nabiki
said over her shoulder. "Okay? Ranma really fell in it this time!"
"You see, Tendou? Our children can meet any challenge!"
"Yes, Saotome. Ignorance is bliss."
///
"Ranma! Wait up!"
Instead, the girl jumped up and continued her fast pace on top of a
fence with a sign reading, "Siberian Wolf".
"Ranma, come home!" Akane said, running up near her as the pigtailed
girl walked the zoo fences.
"You have a tear in your dress."
She looked down; then up. "Don't change the subject. You need to relax."
"I can't relax doin' nothing."
Then she bent down, and looked at her. "Look! I'm a girl," she said,
spreading her arms wide. "Satisfied? And I'll stay one until that damned
test doesn't get mixed up by the boy me. So! Let me relax in my own
way." And she started her pacing again.
"That's NOT what it tests! Being a boy has nothing to do with it. It's
just that Dr. Tofu said—"
"I know what he said. He said there's probably a whata-physical reason,
because he can't figure out a physical reason."
"--But because you're never a girl long enough for him to get a META-
physical fix on you."
"Yeah. Yeah. In the meantime, the longer I'm a girl, the
more...." she couldn't finish the sentence.
"Well, in the meantime, you shouldn't be walking on zoo
fences; you'll attract attention."
"A girl is always attracting attention..." she muttered.
"Don't I know it."
"Well, if you were half as cute as—"
"Don't you start, Ranma!!"
Ranma-chan stopped, and squatted on top of the fence she was on then,
looking away from Akane and towards the wild beasts within.
"How can a girl understand? I've trained my whole life to be like a
bear! But now..."
Perhaps a little banter would help, "A bear? Where in martial arts is
there a bear? Cranes, dragons, tigers—"
"No! No tigers! Never a tiger; not again!" Akane'd never heard Ranma
speak like that! She'd hit some raw nerve.
"Another disaster! How many more!!?" Ranma-chan cried, clenching her
fist as she closed her eyes.
Ranma became lost in her own thoughts, and Akane didn't know what to do,
afraid she'd only make things worse.
She noticed somebody climbing over the fence across the way from them.
He was coming from the lions' den, and he didn't look like a zoo-keeper;
he was a boy about her age, dressed in home-spun clothes, carrying a
pack, a red bamboo umbrella, and wearing a yellow bandana around his
head.
He started going in one direction, changed his mind, and went another
way, only to attempt a third, until he had wandered near Akane.
"Excuse me, Miss, but could you tell me where Furinkan High School is?"
Akane pointed, too amazed to say a word.
"Thank you, Miss. You've been most kind," he said, and went in the
opposite direction as she'd pointed to.
She watched him wander to an intersection: Where, "Aaa!", he was
promptly swept away in a stampede of giggling kindergartners!
Suddenly, behind Akane, there was a snarling growl!
Ranma was gone!!
Akane ran to the fence, and looked down into the pit. "Ranma!! Leave
that polar bear alone!!"
///
"I'm free!! I'm free!!" echoed throughout the house, and getting closer.
Akane almost dropped her miso soup; Nabiki spewed her tea; and Kasumi
stopped serving her father; Mr. Saotome looked up from his eating.
"Yesss!!" Ranma-kun exclaimed, skidding to a halt at the doorway. "I'm
free!!"
"Did you take the test?!" Akane asked. She was almost smiling for him.
"I don't have to take any more of those tests! I'm free!"
"And why is that, Saotome?" Nabiki asked, not believing it.
"In that book of yours, I looked up the word "virgin"!"
"You, you, you mean...!" Akane was getting furious. "We had to go
through all that--Because you didn't know what VIRGIN meant?!!" she
screeched. "I WILL Kill you!!"
"Hurry, everyone," Kasumi told them. "You missed school yesterday." But
two of them were already on their way, Akane was lead a chase by a very
happy Ranma.
"You, too, Nabiki."
"Did you hear that, Tendou?" Genma Saotome said. "Ranma, of course, used
the Japanese word for a GIRL being a virgin! But I can assure you, my
son is all MAN! Why it's taken all of my efforts to keep him from taking
after his old man!"
"Saotome?" Soun Tendou suggested. "I feel like spending the day out of
the house; care to join me?"
"Hunh?" Saotome said, taking his eyes away from his forearm, and seeing
for the first time what his friend had been seeing.
The battle auras of the Kasumi and Nabiki were palpable.
"Yes, Tendou, I believe I will join you."
///
And that was why Ranma was so unusually giddy when the boy wearing the
bandana finally found Furinkan High.
The End…
[NOTE: Even though it makes about as much sense as saying Genma's cursed body is
what he'd have if he had been born a panda, I know it's generally accepted that
Ranma-chan is the body Ranma-kun would have if he'd been born a girl. It is not the
body of the original. But just as the "Spring of Drowned Priest", or "of Drowned War
Goddess", or "Drowned Twins" passed on the CONDITIONS of the originals, Ranma-
chan has those the original girl had. It is the "Spring of Drowned YOUNG girl". An old
man wouldn't become an OLD woman. (I have a story waiting to find an ending about a
preteen Ranma-kun becoming a young woman.)
[If the drowned girl had been pregnant, the magic of birth could find a way to see that
the baby was born.]
Chapter 1, Ranma's Book of Horrors
By Ron Dow75
The ridiculous chase continued throughout most of the house, with a
giggling, VERY self-conscious Ranma-chan leading the youngest Tendou
sisters from one of the costumes she'd taken from Nabiki's collection to
another, sloughing off each in its turn, picking up the next one she'd
planted and putting that on. And STILL keeping a few steps ahead of
her!! Harem, bunny, vamp, sailor suit, tiger-striped bikini, the cross-
dresser got there first, and all Nabiki could do was pick up the costume
pieces and, with Akane, pray she'd trip!!
The lunatic even had the gall to use Akane's OWN gi before her fiancé
stripped out of that one, too, just before she dashed into the dojo.
Inside, the redhead was waiting for them: She was on the ground she had
chosen, ready to take her stand! Akane's mouth dropped, while Nabiki
struggled to hide the embarrassment behind her anger.
Ranma was attired in black leather boots, G-string, bustier, and a
spiked collar. But around his head, he had on a banzai bandana(!!!)
"Okay: This is it!!" the pigtailed girl challenged them with as straight
a face as she could.
"Saotome; WHAT do you think you're DOING!?!" Nabiki challenged back at
her.
"Making my declaration of Manhood!"
"In THAT outfit!??!" Akane screamed.
"LISTEN to me for once!!" she threatened to have a tantrum. He pointed
at Nabiki: "YOU tried to dress me up like a girl! And YOU!" he pointed
at Akane: "YOU keep calling me a PERVERT Well...." he said, planting his
fists on his flaring hips: "See what a REAL pervert girl would look
like!!"
Silence.
"That's it??" Nabiki said. "You made us chase you for our clothes
yesterday, hid out with them through the night, THEN Stashed them around
the house while we slept so you could lead us on another stupid chase--
this time even Modeling them!--And THAT'S it!!?"
"OoorrR!!" Akane fumed.
Ranma-chan's red was reaching all the way to her cleavage. "Nabiki
started it!!! Putting on girl-stuff ain't no fantasy of MINE!! Why not
ask HER what she's doing with all this weird stuff?!!"
"Nabiki!! Why'd you have to give Ranma the chance to make such a great
big fat FOO-OOL of himself!!?"
"Hey!! It was a business opportunity!"
"Yeah, right," Ranma-chan said.
"Costume rental!! Costume rental!! "Usagi's Tuxedo and Mask" gave them
to me as collateral!"
"Remember those photos of me you sold to Kuno?!!"
Akane gasped. "Ranma!! You didn't!?!"
"I figured you'd have some sort of an explanation for why you have all
this weird stuff in your closet, Nabiki. Well:" (she smiled at this
moment of truth) "You know that 'special' underwear of yours?"
It was obvious Ranma-chan was getting to her.
"...and that life-sized poster of you?"
"You don't have the guts," Nabiki said.
The smiled now crooked half her face, as she crossed her arms. "Your
move."
Nabiki hid her face behind the hand the went up and held her head.
"Give."
"Now you know how *I* feel."
///
"Well, I haven't conceded, Ranma!!" Akane cried. "How DARE you invade
her privacy!!"
"HER privacy!!??!!"
"And how dare you bring that, that --THING(!!!) into a sanctified
dojo!!" Akane was on the attack again.
"Aw, give me a break, Akane! I can't run very good in heels!" As Ranma-
chan made to turn and run, she took a misstep, and twisted an ankle.
That was when Akane was ready to deliver her blow with the shinai 'bat'.
Ranma fell; Akane missed.
Thup!
Ranma saw Akane spinning like a tipping top, about to hit the floor:
Hard, wrong, and against the end of the sword!!
The redhead rolled onto her back, and put up her hose-clad legs, and
caught her with the balls of his stiletto shoes, taking her weight onto
herself.
BUT Akane used it as an opportunity to finish her attack with the split-
bamboo sword.
Whack! Got 'em!!
--And she slipped off the boots, and landed hard and wrong on the floor.
Thud-dumpff!
"Ow!! Ouch-ch-ch...."
"Akane!" Ranma got to his knees, and by her side. "Are you okay?!"
"Give...." she said, slapping him away.
///
Ranma was back to looking like himself. The pigtailed boy was hanging
upside down from the purlin, his knees bent so he could look through
Akane's window.
Akane was sitting on her bed, rubbing her leg, flexing and stretching
it. She didn't look like she was in any real pain, but still...
Something was seemed wrong.
"A, Akane...?"
"Hunh!? Oh. It's you again," she went to ignoring him.
"What!? That's it?" He dropped to her sill, and somersaulted into her
room. "Aren't you going to attack me? Not even scream at me?"
He saw she wasn't. "You are hurt."
"Well, I'm NOT. So you can leave. I, I'd like to be alone."
"But, uh, your leg...?!"
"I don't want to talk about it! Especially with YOU! Now, get out!" And
she turned her back to him, pulling down her hem, and withdrew into
herself.
Ranma felt embarrassed, like he really had intruded in on her this time.
Unable to look at her, he noticed something in her waste can.
///
After Akane screamed at the great idiot, Ranma rushed to get out. Akane
had more luck using the shinai as a spear.
"Ow!" Ranma said, rubbing the back of is head out in the hall.
"NOW what is it, Saotome?" Nabiki said, seeing Ranma closing Akane's
door behind himself. "Can't you give it a rest for even a little while."
"She's hurt," he held up something he thought was a bloodied bandage.
Nabiki said coldly, "Are you TRYING to be funny?"
He didn't like her attitude, "Your sister getting hurt this bad is
supposed to be..."funny"!?!"
"Saotome! It's her time of the month."
"She gets hurt every month!??"
"You are slow, aren't you."
"Well, BE that way! I'm sorry I bothered. It has nothing to do with me,"
he said, flicking the 'bandage' away as he walked past her.
"Of course not! You're a-- Hunh!?!" she sucked in her breath, and rocked
on her heels. She looked at him. "You REALLY have no idea?! How long
have you been a girl?!"
"Don't start that again, Nabiki." He continued to walk away from her.
"Let's see... Uh, two weeks in China, then: Here... Ranma!! It's been
over a MONTH!!"
"Don't remind me."
Nabiki dropped her load, to catch up with him. "Uh, Ranma, do you, uhh,
bleed?"
"What do you mean by that!? I ain't no undead or something!"
"Ranma, listen: You may be in BIG trouble."
"Ranma's in trouble?" Kasumi asked from the middle of the stairs,
carrying more of Nabiki's things.
"Of the kind only girls can have."
"Oh, My!!" Kasumi gasped, dropping the things.
///
Nabiki took the pitcher from Kasumi's night table, and...
Trickle, trickle.
"Wet again," Ranma-chan frowned.
"Sorry, Ranma," Nabiki said, setting the pitcher back down, "but this is
girl talk."
"Don't say that! I don't want to play dress-up, and I DON'T want to do
girl talk!" the pigtailed girl told them, rising from the edge of
Kasumi's bed. "It gives me the creeps. I'm a GUY!"
Both Nabiki and Kasumi pushed her back down by the shoulders. She looked
up at them. They were serious; and from Kasumi she got a sense of
genuine concern. At the moment, the big sister reminded her of a mother.
"Like it or not, Ranma, you're also a girl: And the "creeps" is the
least of your problems."
"I'm sorry, Ranma," Kasumi said. "I guess we really do think of you as a
boy."
"You do?"
"Yeah... I guess I WAS out of line, Ranma. Sorry about the clothes."
Ranma looked at Nabiki, and then to Kasumi, and back again. "What's
goin' on??"
Kasumi looked at Nabiki. "No! You have to be wrong, Nabiki! It couldn't
be."
"The question is: Just how much of a woman he really is."
"Ranma's a boy, Nabiki!"
"Half a boy, Kasumi. And as much as I feel sorry for the guy, I find the
idea that a boy may be—"
"No, Nabiki!!" Kasumi said, blushing. "Don't say it! Why bring it up, if
it's not true."
"Uhh..." Ranma tried to say.
"And what if it is true!? Wait until he Shows?!"
"Shows??" Ranma said.
"He won't. Ranma's a good boy."
"And what about HER!? What do we know about the Original owner?!!"
"Oh, my!!" Kasumi put her hand to her mouth, and blushed even redder.
"Hey!! Here I am! You can talk to me!!" she cried in frustration.
"Sorry, Ranma," Kasumi bowed to her, unable to look her in the eye.
"Ranma," Nabiki said, straddling the lone chair in the room, "as I
remember, that guide of yours in China said something about a "very
tragic legend"...of a drowned girl? Why did she drown?"
"Aww, he was no help!" Ranma-chan said, crossing her arms and legs while
sitting on the bed. "When we asked him about the story, he asked which
one we wanted to hear!"
"Hunh??"
"Oh, my!" Kasumi sat down on the bed near him.
" ' Turns out the springs have more than one story about them. They all
do. But stories about young girls are the most popular, so everybody has
their own version: And the guide memorized them all!"
"Are you sure you don't remember any of them?" Kasumi asked.
"I don't know. It was a long journey, and he and Pop went on and on
about them to pass the time. But I basically stopped listening when I
found out they could all just be stories."
"Saotome, you are SUCH a jerk," Nabiki said.
"What happened to the truce!?"
"Maybe Mr. Saotome would remember," Kasumi offered.
"And if he asks WHY we're suddenly interested in them, what then?"
"I'm sure you can come up with a cleaver plan, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"You're doing it again!" Ranma cried. "WHY would you want to hear them?!
And why worry about Pop? As long as he's talkin'—"
"Are you sure you don't remember, Ranma?" Kasumi asked again.
Nabiki asked, "Ranma... er, was any of those girls, uh, pregnant?"
"P, P, P, REGNANT!!??!!"
///
"Quiet!..." Kasumi pleaded. "Do you want your father to hear?!"
"HIS father!?!" Nabiki jumped out of her seat. "What about Daddy?!!?
After he's cried for hours, he'll want to give us the talk—And cry all
over again!"
"...PREGNANT!?!?!"
"Stop saying that word, Ranma!" Kasumi warned. "It's not polite!"
"I CAN'T pregnant! I'm a GUY!!"
"You should've used a better word, Nabiki!"
"Oh, come on, Kasumi! Grow—"
"You should never've even STARTED!!" Ranma told her. The redhead rose
from the bed, her fists tightly clenched at his sides, afraid of what
she might do with them. "I'm a guy! Things like that—"
"Is, is it okay for me to, uh, come in?"
The two sisters froze, becoming quite pale. Then they saw it was Akane
who was poking her head through the half opened door.
They let out a big sigh of relief, and suddenly felt weak.
"I, I couldn't help hear—"
"Don't say it!!" Ranma warned. "DON'T."
"Yes, please," Kasumi begged. Don't."
"What do you want? Expecting; with child; in the family way? Or maybe
just plain knocked—"
"Nabiki!! Stop it! Stop it now!!" Akane told her in no uncertain terms.
"Don't be crude," Kasumi said.
"Is it, is it true?" Akane asked.
"We don't know, yet, Akane," Kasumi said.
"But, he, uh, she(?) has the first sign," Nabiki said.
"What sign?!! I wish somebody'd tell me how you're suppose to know all
of this!!"
"You mean--?" Akane's face twitched. "I, I never, EVEN, thought..."
Akane fainted.
///
Splash.
Akane woke on Kauai's bed, with Nabiki's hand over her mouth.
"Shh!" Nabiki cautioned her. "Would YOU like to explain things to the
two fathers?"
Still in a daze, Akane shook her head. Nabiki removed her hand.
"You're a guy, Alright!! ' Couldn't hold off, could you?!" Akane
screamed. "The body gave you the opportunity, and—"
"Now, Akane, you—" Kasumi tried to speak to her.
"Don't be so pathological, Sis. Think about it, will you?!" Nabiki told
her. "Do you honestly think Ranma could even imagine doing that?"
"Yes, Akane. He has been chaperoned by Uncle Saoto—" Kasumi said.
"It had to be the GIRL, the original," Nabiki said.
"And it might not have been her fault," Kasumi stood up for the
stranger.
"Will you all STOP talking about me like I'm not even here!!?!"
"Look at him, Akane. The poor sap refuses to even remember the facts of
life."
"I do too remember!"
"Then tell us, Mr. Warrior."
"Well, I, uh, I can't tell-- I mean: In front of GIRLS?!" Ranma-chan was
mortified.
"Well, he is a GUY, Nabiki. Would you like to tell him?" Akane
challenged.
"Sure. I'd just say, uh, well: A girl and a guy, umm..." Nabiki realized
she had to LIVE with Ranma.
"Still don't get it?" Akane asked rhetorically.
"Oh! I have a book...." Kasumi said, and went to her little book case.
"THAT book?!" Akane said.
"Yes," Nabiki smirked. "Perfect."
"Well, yes. I guess so," Akane acceded. "But we need more."
"The test," Nabiki said, her smirk becoming a wicked grin.
"What test?" Ranma asked.
"You are dense, aren't you. Get with the program."
"You can get it, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"Me!?? Why me?!"
Akane and Kasumi crossed their arms, and looked at her under stern
faces. Akane spoke, "Ranma. What did you do with those photos?"
///
Only a few rays of the late afternoon sun got past the curtains drawn
closed over the room Ranma shared with his father. The room was dark,
and the boy was curled up on the futon he'd rolled out.
But he could not find any comfort, so he tossed and turned for a little
while, before sitting up on the mat.
He reached under the futon, and pulled out THE book. He sat there for a
while longer, just looking at the title, "What Every Girl Should Know".
He shuddered, and stuck it back under the futon.
He got up, and left the room.
///
Ranma wandered for a while, but ended up near the dojo.
"Hyaii!!" Akane was out in the arena, breaking cinder blocks with her
bare hands. Ranma stood there watching her, unable to say a word.
"Oh. It's you, Ranma," she said, sounding subdued.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked.
"What is there to say?" he said very quietly.
"How about how you could be so stupid?" but her tone revealed her
sympathy.
"Awww!" Ranma kicked a piece of cinder block, then kept his foot
swinging. "I really did spend most of my life traveling." He started
making patterns in the white sand with the foot. "Just me and Pop,
basically. He didn't allow me to watch much TV. And what magazines and
mangas I did get to look were from guys who were interested in martial
arts stuff."
"But still, you must've had some curiosity abou—"
Ranma swiped his foot across the patterns he'd been making. "Pop made
sure I was either thinking about my training, or was too tired to.
"When I would try and talk about anything like that, he would say
something about evil, and master, or something, and beat me up. He said
that's what girls would do to me if they caught me."
"Oh." Could guys really go with being obsessed about sex?
Ranma turned his back, and started to shuffle away. "And after Jusenkyo,
I guess I lost what interest I still had. I've been avoiding lookin' at
my problem. I am not much a real man, after all."
"No, Ranma. I, I'd say that makes you sound LIKE a real man. I'll, I'll
never call you a mere "boy" again." Akane hurried over to him, and took
hold of a sleeve. "Care to do a little sparring?"
"I don't fight girls," it came as a reflex.
She moved in front of him, and smiled at him. "Since when is sparring
fighting?" Then she ran to the dojo. "Or are you not "man" enough to
take me on?" she said in her best seductive challenge.
///
Ranma leaned against the doorjamb, watching Akane go through the
routines. Here was something familiar. He went to her, and started
echoing her movements. When she went to her left, he went to his left,
she right, he right; when she did a change-up, he did his best to
anticipate it.
Then he started reading her moves before she'd even had a chance to make
them, it seemed. Akane was getting annoyed with him again.
Then he clipped her.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Akane!"
"It's nothing. Just a another, you know, cramp getting in the way."
"A cramp?"
"Hunh!? Have you read any of the book!?!"
"Well, uh, I..."
"Aaarr!!!" And Akane punched him to the ceiling. "I hope you get
PMS!!"
///
"Ranma. Ranma! You in there?" Pop said, opening the dojo's door. "You
missed our workout! It's breakfast—"
He was there, alright, but as a girl. She was slumped over in a corner,
asleep.
"Get up, Ranma!" Pop said as he walked over to him. "It's not good for a
martial artist to be such a sound sleeper," he grumbled. "Ranma!! It's a
school day—get-- hunh? A book?"
On the floor by his side, the boy was holding a book, with a finger
still marking his place. It didn't look like a school book. "What would
he be reading that would have him up—"
Thud!
"Ouch!" Ranma-chan was awakened to stars spinning around her head.
"Ranma...!!" Pop growled worse that he ever did as a panda. "What were
you Doing with this!?"
A book... THE book, landed on him.
"Uh, er..., umm," her face reddened. "Research?"
That sounded good, she thought, getting up. "You always said (ouch) a
martial artist (hss), should know his strengths and, ummm, weaknesses."
Mr. Saotome studied him. "You're not getting weird on me, are you?"
"Of course not!! What kind of guy do you think I am?!!"
After a moment of thought, Pop reached out, and put a hand on his
shoulder. "Ranma..., I'd like you to know; whatever happens...you'll
always be my son."
///
Kasumi and Nabiki were waiting for Ranma when she entered the house.
"You look terrible," Nabiki commented.
"I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Did you read the book?"
Ranma frowned. "Just let me take a bath. I need to get clean."
"Yep. He read the book."
Her frown deepened, as she switched to trying to go around Kasumi. "At
least let me go. I'm late already."
"Of course your are. And that's exactly where need to be," Nabiki said,
holding up a slim box. It read, "Home Pregnancy Test"
"Oh, no!! Unh-uh! I'm a guy!!"
Nabiki leaned over him. "Look in the mirror, Saotome."
"Ranma," Kasumi spoke. "This will...sort of, uh, prove it, won't it? Why
be afraid of something that, uh, can't happen, right?" But there was a
doubt in her voice.
"Afraid! I'm not afraid. I ain't afraid of nothing!"
"Then show us, Ranma!" Nabiki challenged him. "Let's just see how much
of a man you really are."
Ranma clenched her hand, and growled. Why did she have to put it that
way?! And why did Kasumi have to be so concerned for her?
"Come on: Be a man, and get it over with."
///
Nabiki opened the lavatory door, and Kasumi gently pushed her in. "Just
read the instructions..."
" ' Bet no other guy ever had to..." Ranma grumbled.
They closed the door on her, and waited.
From behind the door they heard, "They have GOT to be kidding!" At least
they knew she'd read the instructions.
"You'd better do it, Saotome! We'll be waiting right here!"
They waited.
And what were they going to hear? Nabiki turned to Kasumi, "Want to
bet?"
"You know I don't approve of gambling, Nabiki."
"I'll give you the long odds."
"You mean that Ranma's not?" But Kasumi didn't sound so sure herself.
"If that's what you think will pay off."
"And why would you think otherwise, Nabiki?"
"Oh..." Nabiki quickly shrugged her shoulders. "Just because it would
make things more interesting if—"
Never in their lives had they heard a louder, shriller scream; it broke
out of the room, the house and out over the neighborhood, and beyond.
Even a boy wearing a bandana and with what looked like a bamboo umbrella
heard it.
///
The two fathers heard. Kasumi had made yet another mistake preparing
breakfast. Only Akane held a bowl. And she was frozen in shock.
"What's going on now?" Mr. Tendou asked.
"I'm sure I wouldn't know," Mr. Saotome coughed into his hand. "Maybe I
should talk to the boy," he said, making to get up.
"No!! No! Mr. Saotome, no!! It, it's a mistake--a mistake!" she said,
hanging onto his gi: hanging on TIGHTLY. "It's nothing that...uh, yeah!
Dr. Tofu can handle! Yes!! Dr. Tofu! He can fix anything!! Just stay
here! I'll handle it. Yeah--stay!! Promise? Promise!!"
Akane wouldn't let him go, and he couldn't move, with all of the
strength she was applying. And she had a crazy look in her eye.
"Do as she asks," her father asked. "Humor her."
"Uh..., alright. I'll let you take care of things."
"Thank you, Mr. Saotome!!" She got to her feet, though she was a little
unsteady on them, but was able to bow. "Thank you!" She bowed her way
out of the door. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"What was that all about, Tendou?"
"I have NO idea."
"Tendou?"
"Yes, Saotome?"
"We have good children, don't we?"
"I believe so."
"They are mature and responsible beyond their years."
"I believe so."
"They can meet any challenge they encounter."
"They have so far."
"Do you really want to get mixed up in this disaster?"
"No, I believe not."
///
"Dr. Tofu," Nabiki greeted him at the front door.
"Nabiki, what's wrong?! Akane sounded desperate over the phone. I
couldn't understand what the problem was."
"It's Ranma," she said, leading him through the house. "He --Oh! You
don't know, do you?"
"Ranma? He's her fiancé. What's wrong with him?"
"Well.... It's not Ranma, exactly. It's...a girl we met a couple of
weeks ago. You've met her, right? Red hair, pigtails, wears Chinese
clothes?"
"Yes: The one that looks a lot like Ranma. She's staying around
here, too? Are they related?"
"You could say that."
When they got to the bath room, the door was wide open, and they walked
right in.
"Ranma?!"
"He's in here!" Akane called out to the laundry room.
"Oh, no... He didn't," Nabiki said. "Not again."
"He did."
Nabiki wrapped an arm around her waist, and rested the other elbow on
that, her free hand at her face.
"What's the problem, Nabiki?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"The problem is trying to explain Ranma to you, now. The jerk."
///
"Does Ranma always take a bath with his clothes on?" Dr. Tofu asked.
Akane was on her knees, trying to pry Ranma's hands from the side of the
bathtub. "Come on, Ranma! The doctor's here to help."
"No! No way!! Unh-uh!"
"What is his problem?" the doctor knelt down on one knee beside the tub.
"He looks strong enough to me."
"Doctor, you've GOT to get him out of the tub," Akane pleaded.
"This really looks like a job for a therapist."
"Please, Dr. Tofu! Use one of your martial arts acupuncture or
chiropractic tricks."
"I really shouldn't..."
"Okay, Akane!!" Nabiki called out from down the hall. "I turned off the
hot water: You can drain the tub Now!"
"Oh, no you don't!!" Ranma leaped out of the tub, and ran for the door,
ready to bowl over anybody in his way.
"Stop him, doctor!!" Akane cried, running after him. The doctor stood,
wondering what sort of insanity he'd walked in on.
Splash!
"Saotome, can be SO predictable," Nabiki said over the body she had
tripped.
Splash!
Dr. Tofu'd fallen into the tub.
"It's too late, Ranma. Dr. Tofu saw you change," Akane told him.
"Didn't you doc--Doctor?!"
///
Both Ranma-chan and the doctor were wet now, and so were their clothes.
"You, you look like a real girl(?)"
"You're NOT examining me."
"It doesn't appear to be a disguise... How can you shrink like that?"
"You're NOT going to examine me."
"He's very touchy about it, Dr. Tofu," Akane apologized.
"Well, I would be too." Something of the old Dr. Tofu was coming back.
"It must be hard going through sudden hormonal changes, boy or girl.
It's sort of like instant puberty."
""Instant puberty"," Nabiki grinned. "Yes. I like that." She looked
straight at Ranma. "No wonder you're such a pain."
"I'm going to take a bath," Ranma-chan said, stomping back towards the
tub.
"Stop him, Dr. Tofu!" Akane cried. "He's pregnant!!"
That stopped Ranma-chan. He spun around and yelled, "I AM NOT!! That
damned test lied!"
"Maybe he's right," the doctor said, pushing up his glasses.
Three jaws dropped.
///
"So all that has to happen is for her--I mean HIM, to
be doused with hot water?" Dr. Tofu asked, filling a wash
pail from the bathtub.
"That's right, Dr. Tofu," Akane said. "And cold water makes him into a
girl."
The doctor watched carefully as he trickled the water over Ranma-chan.
"Amazing."
"I'm back!! I'm me again! You see?!! I AM a guy! I ain't pregnant!"
"I didn't say that, Ranma."
"What!?! But you said --I Heard you!! THEY heard you--Right?!!"
The doctor put down the pail. "I said, you, that is, when you are a
girl, MAYBE weren't pregnant. There are many causes for false
pregnancies.
"And one of them is severe stress. Have you had much stress for, say,
the past month?"
"He's only been becoming a girl for the last month, doctor," Akane told
him.
"A month, now. Interesting; and I suppose he, she..." the doctor eyed
the boy in front of him. "I suppose there's been no menstruation?"
"He didn't even know he was suppose to have one," Nabiki informed him.
"So you naturally assumed..."
"What else is a girl suppose to think?!"
"So: Ranma has had the stress of suddenly becoming a girl...and not
knowing when he'll become one again..."
"And it keeps happenin' all the time," Ranma frowned.
"And you DON'T like being a girl?"
"I ain't no pervert."
"I see..."
Dr. Tofu fell into silence, while he held his chin, and diagnosed.
But it wasn't long before he spoke. "Well, Ranma. While there are many
cause for false pregnancies, and false negatives of the test... I don't
know how you can get a false positive."
"What!!??!!" "Doctor..." Even Nabiki looked a little shaken (though,
maybe, for a more ego-centric reason).
"HOWEVER," Dr. Tofu added. "However, if there is an exception, you would
be it."
"Whewww!" Ranma breathed.
"Doctor?" Akane said, refusing to give up on her hero.
"While, as any certified doctor, I'm qualified to treat an expectant
mother, this is not my field. I need to consult a specialist: Not just
one who deals in gynecology and obstetrics, but somebody who may
understand your metaphysical condition."
"AND who can keep a secret!" Akane quickly added.
"Of course," he agreed. He turned to Nabiki. "This must be kept a
secret. Who knows what might happen to Ranma, if word got out."
"Yeah, Nabiki!" Akane added.
Ranma didn't say a thing; he didn't even WANT to contemplate THAT fate.
"Hey. I don't dislike the jerk that much," Nabiki said defensively.
Dr. Tofu turned back to Ranma. "I do have some good news for you,
Ranma!" he smiled professionally.
///
Nabiki and Akane escorted the good doctor to the front door. "I'll see
what I can do about Ranma's problem."
"I'd find him a shrink as well."
"Nabiki!"
"Why, Dr. Tofu! Imagine meeting you like this," Kasumi greeted him from
the other side of the door.
"K, K, Kasumi! Yes. It is quite a coincidence! (Ha, ha.) Who would've
though we'd be meeting here, of all places. Do you come here often?"
"Oh, Doctor, you're so funny."
"Doctor," Mr. Tendou said from behind Kasumi. "May we come in?"
"Why, yes. Make yourself at home. (Ha, ha.) And Mr. Saotome, are you
here, too? Tell that panda he can pay me back in bamboo, if he wants."
Nabiki sighed, and said to Akkane, "It looks like I'm the one who's
going to have to get the test again."
///
"Kasumi," Akane said. "May we see you in the bath room; I mean
upstairs?"
"Of course, Akane. Did the doctor's visit go well?"
Akane glanced at the two fathers, and then back to Kasumi, "Well, good
news..."
"And bad news," Nabiki added.
"Oh, my! Do I have to hear the bad news?" Kasumi asked, as she was
ushered swiftly away.
"Is there nothing we can do, my daughters?" Mr. Tendou asked, as he
continued to stand with Genma.
"Yes," Mr. Saotome said, fiddling with his glasses. "We, your elders,
should be able to bring experience to your aide."
"Uhh. No. Thanks, Mr. Saotome. It, it's nothing we girls can't handle,
bye!" Akane said as the three of them scurried up the stairs.
"I don't think you'll be able to use the bath room for a while," Nabiki
said over her shoulder. "Okay? Ranma really fell in it this time!"
"You see, Tendou? Our children can meet any challenge!"
"Yes, Saotome. Ignorance is bliss."
///
"Ranma! Wait up!"
Instead, the girl jumped up and continued her fast pace on top of a
fence with a sign reading, "Siberian Wolf".
"Ranma, come home!" Akane said, running up near her as the pigtailed
girl walked the zoo fences.
"You have a tear in your dress."
She looked down; then up. "Don't change the subject. You need to relax."
"I can't relax doin' nothing."
Then she bent down, and looked at her. "Look! I'm a girl," she said,
spreading her arms wide. "Satisfied? And I'll stay one until that damned
test doesn't get mixed up by the boy me. So! Let me relax in my own
way." And she started her pacing again.
"That's NOT what it tests! Being a boy has nothing to do with it. It's
just that Dr. Tofu said—"
"I know what he said. He said there's probably a whata-physical reason,
because he can't figure out a physical reason."
"--But because you're never a girl long enough for him to get a META-
physical fix on you."
"Yeah. Yeah. In the meantime, the longer I'm a girl, the
more...." she couldn't finish the sentence.
"Well, in the meantime, you shouldn't be walking on zoo
fences; you'll attract attention."
"A girl is always attracting attention..." she muttered.
"Don't I know it."
"Well, if you were half as cute as—"
"Don't you start, Ranma!!"
Ranma-chan stopped, and squatted on top of the fence she was on then,
looking away from Akane and towards the wild beasts within.
"How can a girl understand? I've trained my whole life to be like a
bear! But now..."
Perhaps a little banter would help, "A bear? Where in martial arts is
there a bear? Cranes, dragons, tigers—"
"No! No tigers! Never a tiger; not again!" Akane'd never heard Ranma
speak like that! She'd hit some raw nerve.
"Another disaster! How many more!!?" Ranma-chan cried, clenching her
fist as she closed her eyes.
Ranma became lost in her own thoughts, and Akane didn't know what to do,
afraid she'd only make things worse.
She noticed somebody climbing over the fence across the way from them.
He was coming from the lions' den, and he didn't look like a zoo-keeper;
he was a boy about her age, dressed in home-spun clothes, carrying a
pack, a red bamboo umbrella, and wearing a yellow bandana around his
head.
He started going in one direction, changed his mind, and went another
way, only to attempt a third, until he had wandered near Akane.
"Excuse me, Miss, but could you tell me where Furinkan High School is?"
Akane pointed, too amazed to say a word.
"Thank you, Miss. You've been most kind," he said, and went in the
opposite direction as she'd pointed to.
She watched him wander to an intersection: Where, "Aaa!", he was
promptly swept away in a stampede of giggling kindergartners!
Suddenly, behind Akane, there was a snarling growl!
Ranma was gone!!
Akane ran to the fence, and looked down into the pit. "Ranma!! Leave
that polar bear alone!!"
///
"I'm free!! I'm free!!" echoed throughout the house, and getting closer.
Akane almost dropped her miso soup; Nabiki spewed her tea; and Kasumi
stopped serving her father; Mr. Saotome looked up from his eating.
"Yesss!!" Ranma-kun exclaimed, skidding to a halt at the doorway. "I'm
free!!"
"Did you take the test?!" Akane asked. She was almost smiling for him.
"I don't have to take any more of those tests! I'm free!"
"And why is that, Saotome?" Nabiki asked, not believing it.
"In that book of yours, I looked up the word "virgin"!"
"You, you, you mean...!" Akane was getting furious. "We had to go
through all that--Because you didn't know what VIRGIN meant?!!" she
screeched. "I WILL Kill you!!"
"Hurry, everyone," Kasumi told them. "You missed school yesterday." But
two of them were already on their way, Akane was lead a chase by a very
happy Ranma.
"You, too, Nabiki."
"Did you hear that, Tendou?" Genma Saotome said. "Ranma, of course, used
the Japanese word for a GIRL being a virgin! But I can assure you, my
son is all MAN! Why it's taken all of my efforts to keep him from taking
after his old man!"
"Saotome?" Soun Tendou suggested. "I feel like spending the day out of
the house; care to join me?"
"Hunh?" Saotome said, taking his eyes away from his forearm, and seeing
for the first time what his friend had been seeing.
The battle auras of the Kasumi and Nabiki were palpable.
"Yes, Tendou, I believe I will join you."
///
And that was why Ranma was so unusually giddy when the boy wearing the
bandana finally found Furinkan High.
The End…
[NOTE: Even though it makes about as much sense as saying Genma's cursed body is
what he'd have if he had been born a panda, I know it's generally accepted that
Ranma-chan is the body Ranma-kun would have if he'd been born a girl. It is not the
body of the original. But just as the "Spring of Drowned Priest", or "of Drowned War
Goddess", or "Drowned Twins" passed on the CONDITIONS of the originals, Ranma-
chan has those the original girl had. It is the "Spring of Drowned YOUNG girl". An old
man wouldn't become an OLD woman. (I have a story waiting to find an ending about a
preteen Ranma-kun becoming a young woman.)
[If the drowned girl had been pregnant, the magic of birth could find a way to see that
the baby was born.]