Fade Away: That's Life

A Flame of Rekka Story Retold.

Disclaimers: I seem to do this a lot. Refer to my other stories, namely Damn Sun, I have a lot of these there.

Author's Notes: My mood's been improving. Must be because school's ending, at least, for the next two months, nothing of *school* would be registering in my brain. Of course, that means more time for myself and my fanfictions. So far, I don't think there's anything that requires explanation here as most of my explanations are always in the story. At least I think so. *grins at past chapter reviewers: I know all of you are wondering what the guys are doing if they're not assassins…the answer's in this chapter…just hope it's not disappointing.* I'm beginning to think the Author's Notes portion is quite redundant if there's nothing to say, I'm just wasting space and a lot of words.

Chapter Two: Nokoshita Bashou, Mou Modorenai

Four walls, white bedsheets

Someone sang

Painfully happy tunes

Somewhere I'll never reach

Drowning in my own despair

Falling further and further down.

I woke up clutching a head with various curses running through it. When someone suffers a fucking blow on the head they don't smile at you as if the hit did them some good. No, they usually feel like wringing the neck of the first person who dares approach them. That was exactly what I felt like doing to Rekka.

"Yo, awake Kirisawa?"

"…" It did take a lot of self-control to not lash out screaming and clawing at him. Actually one punch, a really hard one would do much better. I was harvesting just that idea as he stood there grinning at me as if someone with a splitting headache was something funny to laugh at. He obviously didn't know how close to death he was.

"Didn't think you would get knocked out with one blow! ONE!" He emphasized and slightly choked as he tried to suppress a supposed peal of laughter.

"Give her a break Rekka. Mikagami decided he was on some revengeful strike and gave her a really hard one with the back of his katana." Joker commented as he came down from a winding flight of steps. He of course, didn't know he had just saved Rekka from the hell I was promising myself to give him.

"Che." Rekka said and took a seat on the sofa opposite the one I had been lying on. I decided to scrutinize my surroundings instead. A table stood at the far corner of the room with five chairs surrounding it and behind it was the winding flight of steps. Further back from the steps were three sofas of the same colour surrounding a glass coffee table. The other end of the room just had two chairs and a small table in between them.  Not bad if you considered vocabulary such as simple and cosy.

"Where's that block of ice someone decided to carter from Alaska to Tokyo?" Rekka piped up after a few seconds of silence, conveniently breaking my train of thoughts.

"If you mean Mikagami, he's with Yanagi." Joker replied coolly. He suddenly decided that arranging the vase of flowers atop the coffee table was the most interesting to do. I didn't need to wonder for long why he did so.

"THE HELL????" A loud explosion I recognized as Rekka's voice coursed as destructive sound waves into my ears.

Joker continued picking at the flowers as if nothing had happened.

"Lucas." Rekka hissed as he took a lunge and grabbed a fistful of Joker's shirt. "Why the hell did you leave them alone?"

"Calm d-" Joker started, but decided not to finish. There was no need, the person to whom it was directed happened to be running like there was no tomorrow up the winding stairs.

I blinked and looked at Joker who had started straightening his shirt. He noticed my stare and grinned back at me sheepishly.

"Rekka's in love with Yanagi." He said simply as if the sentence alone would explain everything.

"That's quite understood." I commented dryly. Anyone who wasn't dumb would be able to tell after that little charade of Rekka's.

A series of sounds resonated from above.

Joker grinned slightly at the noise as he eased himself into Rekka's former seat. "He's got it bad, that's what I can tell. But Yanagi can take care of him so we're not worried."

"He's full of jealousy, that much I grant him." I muttered, leaning my head against the sofa. The throbbing had subsided by a noticeable margin and I was in better moods. I lay like that, staring at the ceiling with no particular thought residing in my mind.

"So, Kirisawa…"

"Hmm?" I resorted to just voicing out my question with a sound. In truth lying on the sofa was getting comfortable and I really didn't want anything else other than to return to sleep.

"What were you doing in the street at 2 in the morning?"

"Nothing much…" I mumbled, slightly fuzzed with my desire to go to sleep, "Looking for my aniki…" I trailed off.

"Aniki?" I heard the questioning tone in Joker's voice. Oh yeah, he didn't know Japanese.

"My brother…" I laughed slightly, my mind still slightly in a far-off place. But not for long. I bolted upright  with my eyes wide in shock.

"Oh fuck." I nearly shouted, "Ohfreakinfuckinghellfuckfuckfuckshitohfuckohshitohfuckdamnitfuckitall…."

Joker was surprised at my sudden cursing tirade. He lifted an eyebrow. "Does cursing help?"

"Yes it does!" I snapped as a sudden surge of anger most probably from shame and guilt overwhelm me. How could I sit here being relaxed when my brother might even be in some kind of danger?   

I stood up in a flurry and shouted at Joker. "Where's the door?"

"You can't go anywhere Kirisawa." Joker said quietly.

"You sure as hell can't stop me." I lashed out, slightly shocked by the venom in my own voice.

"I will if I have to." Joker continued calmly. "If we let you go without meeting Yanagi, you're going to put all our lives in danger."

Of course, I no longer had the head to listen to reason.

"Damn you fucking selfish pricks! My brother could be dead now and even if he isn't and he dies while you're stopping me, I swear I will come back and kill you with all I've got." I shouted, glaring at him, "Now tell me where the fucking door is or do I have to tear this place down to find it?" I hissed.

"KIRISAWA! If I let you go out it'll be at least four lives you're as good as going to take! Tell me if your conscience can live on that!"

I hadn't completely lost my reason it seemed, as his words hit me because I had stopped and I could feel my anger waver. I debated with my conscience for mere seconds which felt an eternity to me. I finally slumped back down on the sofa, feeling more than broken and tired.

"What should I do then?" I asked quietly. Whichever way I turned, someone would die. As usual, there was never a path where everyone could be happy. I knew, yet my heart was still naïve.

Joker who had stood up in his anger as well, slumped back down with the same tiredness. He didn't answer, and my mind ran the possibility that he wouldn't know either. As much as I loved aniki, I knew he would never let me sacrifice four lives to save his. I wouldn't be able to live with that, but I didn't know if I would be able to continue living if aniki died. I started to laugh dryly at the complications that I was suddenly forced to face. 

"Tell me, how I'm supposed to be able to put your lives in danger." I asked.

"I'll explain." I heard a voice, not Joker's sounding from the stairwell. It was a girl's voice, unexplainably sweet and melodious. Like an angel, I thought sarcastically to myself as I looked up, eyes noticing the newcomer for the first time.

The first thought that hit my mind: God, she looked like an angel as well. Golden hair, carefully enhanced by the warm orange lights in the room and mesmerizing blood-red eyes.

"Yanagi?" I asked, even though I would have known without her soft 'yes' as an answer.

"Fuuko-chan, right?" She smiled pleasantly at me.

"Fuuko would be enough." I smiled back, for politeness.

She settled herself opposite me together with Joker and Rekka, who needless to say, ran extremely immaturely to grab the seat. Mikagami, opted to sit in one of the darker corners of the room, away from us. No surprises there.

"Okay, how?" I repeated my question from earlier.

"We are one of many secret organizations, formed as protection for EDEN from another organization, only known to us as RAKUEN. Their leader, Kouran Mori, used to be a part of EDEN, before he betrayed them. RAKUEN members have been trying to kill EDEN top board members for two years now. Our organization is not solely for the purpose of protection, the members here are all searching for something important to them and we are the only organization that does not kill. Last night, Mikagami-san was attacked by two RAKUEN members and according to Joker, he had seen them disappear when you appeared."

"Meaning?" I asked, not catching anything but feeling something sickening form from the pit of my stomach.

"You went out looking for you brother?" Yanagi asked quietly, her eyes taking on a slightly pained expression.

"Yes." I answered, though my voice sounded smaller even to myself.

"When Mikagami saw you, do you remember his reaction?" Joker asked.

"Yes, cold." I replied, then after a pause, " And full of hatred…" My eyes widen and I feel like I've just swallowed a lead weight. " No…" I say hoarsely, a thought running at full speed through my head: you don't mean…./no/…

"One of them who had attacked him was a man with long purple hair, purple like yours, and you resembled him."

"NO!" I shouted. "There's NO way aniki would be an assassin! No way!" I had stood up in my blind anger, fists clenched. I didn't want to believe, yet there was the suspicion that hung thickly in the air. I wanted to be in denial, he was my only family, and given a choice, at that time, I chose to deny. Yet there was the suspicion that couldn't be erased from within me.

I stood for ages, not knowing how long, perhaps it had only been ten minutes, maybe five or even one, but I had no way of knowing.

//There's /no/ way aniki could be an assassin//

//Oh yeah?//

//He's too nice and too gentle, he wouldn't even kill an ant.//

//Of course he wouldn't kill you.// My brain retorted with a smirk.

//Neither would he anything else.// My heart snapped back.

//Why else would he be gone at two in the morning?//

//how the /hell/ am I supposed to/know/?//

//You can't think of any other reason? Other than he went and became an as-//

//Shut the hell /up/! He can't be an assassin and that's /final/!//

I obviously didn't know how hard and ragged my breathing became. Yanagi's voice was suddenly breaking through the little conflict I was having in my mind.

" Are you okay, Fuuko-san?"

"I'm fine." I snapped. " I just want to be alone." I lashed out harshly.

Yanagi looked at me for a moment and nodded. " You can stay in one of the rooms upstairs." She turned to Joker.

"Please?"

Joker nodded and walked towards me. "C'mon."

I knew I could bitch about following Joker upstairs if I wanted, but all of a sudden, I felt too tired to do so. Anyway, it didn't matter much where I was, only if I was finally alone, nothing else would matter anymore.  I followed Joker to the room he showed me into and promptly locked the door once I was inside.  I could tell Joker was going to make attempts to converse with me from the look on his face. I hoped he understood my message when I slammed the door in his face. No knock came and I sighed with relief as I slid down with my back against the door. I closed my eyes, and hoped when I opened them again, perhaps everything would return to normal.

**************************

Wishful thinking, I smirked at myself. That must have been how I was then, full of naivety of things that didn't really matter in the end. I look out my open window to take in the early morning scenery. Sunlight would graze this earth soon and it would be another day of my life. I get up from my position against a white wall which I had unknowingly taken some time before. The clock chimed a long clinking melody and I didn't need to look to know that it was now finally six in the morning. I felt no desire to sleep any further and decided it would be better if I went to school.

                                                *****************************

[still in reality]

I opened the school locker, mechanically taking out the textbooks I needed. I mused slightly, head bent over my timetable. Classes today were going to be boring, as they always were, because I had stopped taking what I liked, but only what would make me succeed in life. I smiled dryly at myself, the smile covered by my hair. Doing things the way I wanted was no longer something I believed in any further. Perhaps that was how he felt, I thought wistfully.

"Fuuko-chan!" I heard a delighted 'chirpy' voice call out to me. Ixora, I recognized immediately and grimaced slightly. I supposed it was her 'over-cheerfulness' that made it a little hard to listen to her voice. Don't get me wrong though, I was grateful for her company. Yes, I wasn't too far gone in my own self-pity and I was glad I didn't take on his character.

"Morning, Ix." I managed to force a smile.

"It's a GREAT morning! Sun was shining, birds were chirping…"

"Don't get too carried away." I cut her off with a better smile. She tried to make me smile at the risk of sounding a moron herself. I was happy she was there for me, and perhaps nowadays, she was the only one around me who was.

"Oops, sorry, but it IS a good morning."  She shrugged carelessly. "Let's get down to Calculus! A little maths is ALWAYS good in the morning. I love calculus."

"Is it?" I muttered, though I never doubted her love for calculus, which was something beyond my own understanding. I never liked calculations, but like I said, I didn't take the subjects because I loved them.

"Class hasn't started yet." Ixora said as she reached the class before me and had popped her head in.

I looked down at my watch. "Ix, class is still fifteen minutes away."

" Oh?" She asked and shrugged again. " Doesn't matter, can always do what the other kids do." She dropped her bag on her table while I did the same. Our tables were next to each other and needless to say, she was the first friend I made since I came to University. She was the only one who dared approach me on the first day of school.

" And what do other kids do?" I asked nonchalantly, settling myself into my chair, resting my chin on the flat of my hand as I notice Ixora draw her chair and sit herself opposite me.

"Talk about nothing but nonsense." Ixora grinned.

"Nonsense?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, stuff they like…for example, them over there," Ixora pointed at a group crowded quite near us. "They like animation."

"Animation? Japanese cartoons?" I asked with slight surprise.

"Fuuko, they've been at it at the top of their voices for since the start of the term."

"I never noticed." I replied blandly.

"….I thought so." Ixora grinned knowingly.

"Aren't they too old? I mean, god, we're 18 already Ix."

"Hey, I like it as well, just not so crazy I become some kind of fangirl." Ixora replied defensively.

"Sorry." I offered.

"Anyway, can't you hear?" Ixora paused to listen. "Oh they're talking about EVA today."

"EVA?" I asked, clearly rendered dumbfounded by her latter sentence.

"Honestly Fuuko! Are you sure you're from Japan?" Ixora prodded me with mock suspicion.

"I didn't take notice." I replied just as blandly as I did earlier.

"What WERE you doing anyway?"

I stiffened. " That's none of your business." I said. Ixora was slightly taken aback at the ice that seemed to lace my voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She quickly apologized and made me feel guilty for my actions.

"No don't apologize, it was my fault." I said quickly and there was an uncomfortable silence that followed.

" So what is EVA?" I ventured only to break the silence but without real interest.

Ixora's eyes brightened considerably. She really is a good friend and it was pitiful that I couldn't even muster up the courage to return her as much friendship.

"Well, it's not really a new animation…quite old. But it's got a lot of knowledge in it! I mean the EVA's are actually these robots that have to be driven by drivers. And oh, the drivers are only 14 years old! It's so angsty you know! There's one of the drivers, his name's Shinji, Ikari Shinji I think, he's this poor kid who got abandoned by his father. And suddenly when he's 14 years old his father calls him back to drive EVA! The place his father works in is called NERV and they're trying to save the Earth with EVAs, fighting something ironically called Angels! Yeah and NERV's working together with another organization, I've forgotten the name all of a sudden! But I'll remember it if I continue saying. Anyway, this organization, they soon think that NERV's not good enough and they want to destroy NERV! But that's not in the main series, that's already the OVA! And oh yeah I remember!" Ixora paused and her eyes shone. "The name of the organization was a German word! Erm...Seele! Yes it was and do you know what it means in English? It means…"

"Soul." I finished for her. She turned to look at me, surprised that I would know German, but as soon as she did her eyes widened with shock.

"Oh my god Fuuko! Did I say something wrong? I mean, oh god! You're WHITE! Fuuko, Fuuko!" I could tell she was starting to panic, but there was nothing I could do.

I tried to say something, but no sound would come out. They're coming back, my memories were coming back! My mind involuntarily screamed.

"Oh my god, Fuuko! Don't scare me, Fuuko…" Ixora's voice started to sound far away. So far as my mind screamed louder:

//No! Please not now! Not in front of them! Not in /school/!//

It was no use. My mind swirled further and Ixora's voice disappeared from the sound waves that could reach my ears.

*********************

I woke up staring at the ceiling. I wasn't clear how long I slept, but I was sure it wasn't a short while.

Aniki…

I suddenly felt the urge to cry. I supposed it was the realization that I just became alone in the world. Why did you leave aniki?

A sudden soft rap on the door broke my thoughts. Was I ready to see someone now?

//Better than wallowing in self-pity.// The more collected side of my mind seemed to smirk down at my other broken tangled side.

"Come in." I said, grudgingly taking the advice.

Joker poked his head in, passing me his easy grin. "Feeling better?" He asked.

"Considerably." I replied and tried to return his grin, but failed miserably.

"It's okay, don't force it." Joker commented lightly as he settled himself on the side of my bed.

"I won't." I assured him and there was a silence for a short few minutes.

"Why are you here, Lucas Khay? In this…organization?"

"…" Joker remained silent for just a little longer. " Because I need to find someone. Everyone here's searching for something, I believe Yanagi did mention."

"Yes she did. Someone huh? Can you say," I swallowed, suddenly overcome with nervousness.

//It /is/ a personal question.//

//Oh /shut/ up// My tangled side seemed to find a way to retort.

" Can you tell me what happened?" I finally blurted out and very nearly regretted. Yes, it was his personal life, and I had no right to probe. I waited, not for his answer, but his rejection to answer the question.

Joker was silent and he stared off at the patch of wall nearby with a thoughtful expression. His silence as I learnt from then on and always, never lasted long. He grinned at me, forced as I could see and falsely happy, carrying a sorrowful air.

"It's a girl, Fuuko. I'm looking for a girl, she's someone important."

"Your sister?"  I tried.

Joker tried to look away. "Yes, in a way, she's my half-sister." He paused for a minute before continuing. "I had a friend in school, a very good one. We'd hang out together all the time and sometimes my sister would join. Then this one fine day, I come back home and find my parents killed. My father, and my half mother…" Joker paused again, his voice had gone slightly shaky. He took a deep breath and continued with his usual steady voice. " I find my sister gone and investigations were conducted but the police couldn't find anything. That was when I found out my best friend had disappeared as well. I went back to my house and searched through again, hoping that the police might have missed something. " Joker's eyes flashed. " And I found this, " Joker pointed at the earring he was wearing. It was a single silver hoop with something like a thin silver rectangular block threaded through it. " This silver," Joker said, fingering the rectangular block. "belonging to him, my best friend."

"I didn't know what to think when I found this." Joker continued fingering the rectangular block. "Why was he in my house when my parents died? What happened? Was he the victim as well? Or was he the hunter? I didn't know and I tried to run away from it for a while, not wanting to know."

"But it didn't help me Fuuko, it didn't help me to run away." Joker looked over at me. And I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I knew I couldn't run and shouldn't run, but it was human reaction, my human reaction to want to shy away from the truth.

//The truth hurts…//

"So I chose not to run away when Yanagi approached me and you shouldn't if you ever want to find out. Join us Fuuko, join SEELE. Not for us, but for yourself at the very least."

I was silent. Everything posed to me now was debatable and yes, it was all waiting for my decision. Perhaps my decision was what really changed my life, the turning point, people said. But I never regretted my decision, strangely so, but I could feel from the beginning I wouldn't regret it, no matter what happened.

"Yeah, I'll join."

And Joker met my decision with a full easy grin.

                                                            *********************

"She….she's WHAT?!!?!" I smirked slightly as Rekka spluttered his words out, staring at me, then Yanagi with disbelief.

"Yes, Rekka-kun."  Yanagi affirmated with a nod and a small smile.

" But she's a…she's a…"

"Girl?" I supplied with a brow raised as a question.

"YES, I mean No, I mean…" Rekka trailed off looking slightly frustrated.

"Damn Rekka, you some kind of old conventional masochist guy who still believes in the 'girls can't fight' policy?" I asked, my eyebrow still raised, slightly amused at Rekka's frustration.

"I don't know!" He snapped. "Well maybe yes." He muttered in admittance.

"I knew it." I said rolling my eyes.

"At any rate," Yanagi said with a gentle smile and an extended hand. "Welcome to SEELE."

I smiled and shook her hand. Of course I didn't know, but I had as good as said, "Welcome to my nightmare."

*******Chap 2, END**********

Author's Notes:

1. Thank you to all reviewers, your reviews were met with more than a welcome. Of course, it would be better to address y'all one by one since it wasn't much ^^:; Firstly to Fangboy: Thankies and try updating your harry potter fanfiction faster! And there's no need to say look who's talking ^^::    G: Thanks, I suppose.     Xabie: Big apology to ya. Know I was supposed to work on your photo albums fic but felt I had to at least update some of my work before starting on another. ^^ Sorry to make you wait and thanks for the review. Yes, it's an AU, kind of Flame of Rekka retold.        Flara-chan: Thanks for the comment. ^^         Khay: I know why you like his last name^^, I was trying to come up with something and the name Lucas Khay popped into my mind and I was wondering where that came from and yeah I definitely know where the last name came from now. ^^         JamJam-Chan: Good to know my fic caught your attention, hope you like the second chapter ^^     [A big thank-you to all who've read and reviewed and hope you guys do the same with this chapter ^^]

2. I've gotten into Gravitation songs lately, I'm sorry, I liked the lyrics. As well as Gackt. I've tried to make my fic longer but there's some kind of impossibility in it. I thought it was long enough but recently I read this FF7 fanfiction, each chapter was almost 44 pages long in .doc format and there was thirty-eight chapters. The best thing was, it didn't even turn boring at any point of time and I enjoyed it immensely. ^^

3. Well, apologies that Mikagami took such a small roll in this whole chapter. I prefer to keep the fluffiness gradual. Perhaps a little complications even. Can't tell can I? Intend to keep readers in suspense and I'll try to update faster ^^::

4. I love Count Cain. But that's really digressing. I'll stop writing crap.

Note to all: Other characters would appear soon, hope you guys stick around. The chapter might have been boring…I'm not sure, I thought it was rather rushed.