Episode #009
Be My Valentine
TV: Yes, and it is the season to be jolly folks. Ho ho ho, it's the time for giving.
Barret: It's Valentine's Day, not Christmas, ya dumb foo'!
TV: And now we leave you off with the Valentine's Day Dukes of Hazzard special.
Cid: (on phone) @#$%! No, I said I'm busy today! Don't make me @#$(%&* repeat it! Oh great, look, it's started! Sorry, I got to go Shera! (hangs up and fixes eyes on the TV)
Barret: Well, that was kind of cold…
Cid: Shh!
Barret: Whatever. I'm outta here. (walks out of the house)
Cloud walks out of his bedroom. He stretches for a moment, yawning. Then Aeris comes running in from the kitchen and pounces on him.
Aeris: Cloud! Cloud! Will you be my valentine?!
Cloud: Ow! You're hurting me, Aeris! Ok, ok, I will.
Aeris: Yay! (gets off Cloud) How about we meet at the Menifold's at 8:00?
Cloud: (gets up and dusts self off) Sure thing!
Aeris: Yay times two! (runs off happily)
Cloud: Phew.
Just then, Tifa also comes running in, from the basement. She also pounces on Cloud.
Cloud: Argh! Not again!
Tifa: Cloud! Cloud! Can you be my valentine?!
Cloud: Ok, yes, I can, just please get off!
Tifa: Hurray! (gets off Cloud) How about we meet at the Tropicasy at 7:45?
Cloud gets up, slower this time, and dusts himself off again, rubbing his sore arm.
Cloud: Sure thing!
Tifa: Yippie! (runs off happily)
Cloud calmly walks over to the couch and sits down, watching TV peacefully for a few moments.
Cloud: Wow, I just had a feeling of Deja-vu. Wonder why.
He sits for a few more moments, then suddenly it hits him; the realization of what he just did.
Cloud: Oh no! I marked two dates with Aeris and Tifa, fifteen minutes apart!
Cid: … (watching TV)
Cloud: Cid, you gotta help me, man!
Cid: mumble mumble (trance)
Red: (walking in the room) You have a problem?
Cloud: Red! Can you help me?!
Red: What seems to be the problem?
Cloud: I just accidentally marked two dates at basically the same time. At seven forty-five I'm meeting Tifa at the Tropicasy, then at eight I'm supposed to see Aeris at Menifold's!
Red: Can't you just cancel one of them? Or tell one of the girls that you can't make it?
Cloud: I can' do that, Red… I don't wanna break their hearts! It is Valentine's Day, after all.
Red: (lowering head) Yes, blasted holiday.
Cloud: Huh?
Red: Oh nothing. Just that… Well, nobody wants to be the valentine of a big, red, talking lion.
Cloud: Aww… If I didn't already have one… or two, rather… I'd be your valentine, Red!
Red: Um… Thanks, Cloud.
Cloud: Anyway, what should I do?
Red: Well… You don't want to cancel the dates, so I guess the only option is to show up at both.
Cloud: But how?!
Red: Actually, the two restaurants, Menifold's and Tropicasy, aside from being the best restaurants in Costa de Sol, are right across the street from each another. With some careful timing and believable excuses, you could pull it off.
Cloud: But… I don't know if I can…
Red: Don't worry, I'll help you out. Here, take this and put it in your ear.
Cloud: What's this?
Red: A small receiver. Whenever I talk into this walkie-talkie, you'll hear me. I'll set it low enough so that only you'll be able to hear. And take this too. It's a small microphone that you should be able to tuck in your shirt or something and use to contact me if you need to talk.
Cloud: Wow! Thanks!
Red: I'll be hiding outside the restaurants, behind some bushes or something.
Cloud: Thanks, pal!
Red: Yeah, well, it's not like I have anything better to do…
(later that night, hidden outside the two restaurants…)
Red: Okay Cloud, it's 7:48. Tifa has arrived at Tropicasy.
Cloud: Okay, I'm going in.
Cloud emerges from behind the protective brushes they were hiding behind and starts walking towards the restaurant. He quickly enters it and looks around for their table. Spotting Tifa, he makes his way towards her.
Cloud: Sorry for the delay, Tifa.
Tifa: Oh, that's okay Cloud.
Cloud nervously sits down, but sits too much on the edge of the chair, and so he slips, falling on top of the table and breaking it, along with all the glasses and whatever else was on the table. Everyone's attention is turned to the ruckus. He gets up and dusts himself off.
Cloud: (to all) It's cool, it's cool. I'm ok!
The manager shows up to see what everyone is gawking at and gasps at the destruction.
Manager: What is going on here?!
Cloud: Oh, I kinda broke your stuff. Sorry. Could you get us another table?
(back outside the restaurant)
Red: What's going on in there? Don't tell me he's screwed something up already. (tries to look through binoculars, but can't, due to not having hands) Argh.
Red: (through his walkie-talkie) Cloud, is everything all right?
Cloud: (through the receiver) (whispering) Well, I sort of broke some stuff here. But the manager is fixing us up with another table.
Red: (slaps forehead with paw) Oh jeez…
(back in the restaurant, Cloud and Tifa sit at their new table)
Cloud: Yeah, thanks.
Manager: Be careful from now on, you table hazard.
Cloud: So, Tifa…
Tifa: (smiles) Yes?
Cloud: Umm…
Red: (through receiver in Cloud's ear) Tell her something nice.
Cloud: (thinking) I need to ask Red… But first Tifa has to look away…
Cloud: Hey Tifa, look at that. (points behind her)
Tifa turns around and looks in the direction he pointed.
Tifa: Look at what?
Cloud: (whispering in hidden microphone) Something nice? Like what?
Red: (through receiver) Uh… You look very nice in that dress.
Cloud: I'm not even wearing a dress, Red!
Tifa: (turns back after hearing Cloud say something) What? What about Red?
Cloud: (realizing he spoke too loud) I mean uh… I said…
Red: (through receiver) Not you, her!
Cloud: Oh… You look very nice in that dress, Tifa.
Tifa: Cloud, this isn't a dress.
Cloud: Well, uh, how about we order then!
(outside restaurant, in Red's bush haven)
Red: He needs a miracle to pull this off, honestly…
Then he sees someone stopping at Menifold's.
Red: Can that be…?
Red squints and confirms.
Red: That's Aeris! Aeris has arrived!
Red: (talking in walkie-talkie) Cloud, Aeris has arrived at Menifold's!
(inside Tropicasy)
Red: (through receiver) She's already at the table. You need to go meet her.
Cloud: (whispering in microphone) Ok.
Tifa: (looks up from the menu) What?
Cloud: Hey Teef, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Order something good for me, ok?
Tifa: But Cloud…
Cloud: Be right back. (starts walking towards bathroom to fake Tifa) (turns around and leaves the restaurant when Tifa isn't looking)
Cloud quickly crosses the street and enters Menifold's. He spots Aeris at her table and makes a beeline for it.
Cloud: Hey Aeris!
Aeris: Hey Cloud… Are you okay? You seem nervous.
Cloud: N-No, I'm not! (goes to sit down again…)
(outside the restaurants, hidden)
Red: (sees some ruckus over at Menifold's) What is it now…?
Red: (talking into walkie-talkie) Cloud, what happened over there?
Cloud: (through receiver) Uh… heh heh, I accidently broke another table.
Red: (to no one in particular) I take it back. Not even a miracle will help him.
(back in Menifold's, at Cloud and Aeris's new table)
Cloud: Oh! Hey Aeris, you look very nice in that dress.
Aeris: (smiles) Thanks, Cloud. (takes out a small little box) Here, I got this for you.
Red: (through receiver) A present?! You never said anything about presents!
Cloud: Neither did they!
Aeris: They who?
Cloud: Err… never mind. (takes Aeris's gift)
Cloud opens the little box and sees that it's a gold ring with a "C" imprinted in it.
Cloud: Aeris… Thank you…
Aeris: (smiles) You're welcome.
Cloud: (looks at the gift dumbfounded) (notices Aeris is staring at him) …what?
Aeris: So… what did you get me?
Cloud: W-What did I get y-you, you ask…!
Red: (through receiver) Bail out! Say you're going to the bathroom and think about it later!
Cloud: I got you something real good! But I have to uh… put some finishing touches on it. I'm going to the bathroom, be right back.
Aeris: The bathroom?!
Cloud: Yeah, uh… Oh, and order something good for us while I'm gone. Bye. (walks off quickly)
Red: (through receiver) Cloud, Tifa is getting restless. You need to go see her now.
Cloud: Ok. (sneaks out of the restaurant and heads over to Tropicasy, then straight for Tifa)
Cloud: Sorry for the delay.
Tifa: That's okay. Barret's cooking really does give stomach-aches.
Cloud: Huh? Oh, hah, right!
Tifa: Hey, what's that?
Cloud: What's what? (realizes he's holding Aeris's gift in his hands) Oh, this!
Cloud: (thinking) Crap, what do I do now?
Cloud: Umm… This is… your gift, Tifa.
Cloud: (thinking) What am I doing?!
Tifa: (gasp) Really?!
Cloud gives her the little box and she opens it, smiling.
Tifa: Thanks, Clou—wait, why is there a "C" on it?
Cloud: Oh! The "C"! It stands for, uh…
Red: (through receiver) Chocolate! Craterite! Chocobo!
Cloud: Chocobo! Yeah, that's it! I know you like chocobos, so, the "C" stands for "chocobo."
Tifa: Aww… That's so beautiful.
Tifa reaches down and also takes out a wrapped up gift.
Tifa: Here, this is yours. (hands the gift to him)
Cloud: Thanks! (grabs it but doesn't do anything with it)
Tifa: (anxious) Aren't you gonna open it?
Red: (through receiver) Say you're a miserable bum who has nothing to look forward to tomorrow so you'll wait to open it then.
Cloud: Oh, well, uh, I'm a miserable bum!
Tifa: (looks at him weird)
Cloud: And uh, I have nothing to look forward to doing tomorrow, so by opening it tomorrow, this will give me something… to look forward to?
Tifa: (understanding face) Aww… That's so beautiful…
Cloud: (puts gift in pocket) Yeah.
A waiter comes by and gives them the food Tifa ordered. Cloud looked down at his plate.
Cloud: Head Hunter steak, eh?
Tifa: What's wrong? I thought you liked it.
Cloud: Oh, nothing, it's just that… I think I killed this one. Lookit, it has sword wounds.
Tifa: Hey, it does.
Cloud looks at Tifa's plate and is shocked.
Cloud: Chocobo steak?!
Tifa: Yeah.
Cloud: But didn't you like chocobos?!
Tifa: Yeah. They're good. (starts eating chocobo steak)
Red: (through receiver) Cloud, the food has already arrived at Menifold's. Aeris is waiting for you to start eating, it seems.
Cloud: (puts glass in front of his mouth to fake like he's drinking) (whispering into hidden microphone) What do I do about Aeris's present?
Red: (through receiver) I don't know, but you have to get there. She doesn't look very happy.
Cloud: Um, Tifa, I'm feeling that stomach-ache again. I'll be right back.
Tifa: Sure thing.
Cloud gets up and heads for the bathroom, waiting for Tifa to look away so he can leave the restaurant. But she doesn't. And so, as to not look suspicious, he really does enter the bathroom.
Cloud: Damn, she just didn't take her eyes off me.
Cloud looks around and spots a window.
Cloud: My escape route!
Cloud climbs up and starts trying to squeeze through the window. Suddenly, the manager enters the bathroom and spots him.
Manager: Hey you, you're trying to leave without paying the bill?!
Cloud: (stops, half of his body already outside) Um, no.
Manager: Yes you are, get down from there.
Cloud: But I left the restaurant before and no one said anything.
Manager: That's because you didn't have your food yet. Now come here!
Cloud: I must go! (squeezes the rest of the way through and falls out)
Manager: (from inside bathroom) I'll get you!
Cloud circles back around the restaurant and heads across the street to Menifold's. But before entering…
Cloud: (into microphone) Red, what do I do about Aeris's gift?
Red: (through receiver) I don't know, just give her something. Like Tifa's gift.
Cloud: (into microphone) I already gave Tifa Aeris's gift, now you want me to give Aeris Tifa's gift? Would that work?
Red: (through receiver) Hold on, there's a bum coming my way.
Cloud: (into microphone) Red?
He gets no reply.
Cloud: Well, here goes nothing…
Cloud enters Menifold's and sits down at Aeris's table.
Cloud: Hey, Aeris.
Aeris: Um, Cloud, you said you went to the bathroom, right?
Cloud: Yeah.
Aeris: So why did you just walk in from the front door?
Cloud: Urp! (whispering) Red, help me!
Red: (through receiver, but apparently to someone else, and drunk) Thet's sum good ale, mans!
Cloud: Um, um, well Aeris, uh… Oh, here's your gift! (takes out Tifa's gift from his pocket)
Aeris: Ooh! (takes it) Can I open it?
Cloud: Actually, I'd prefer if you didn—
Aeris: Ok! (destroys the wrapping paper) …Hair gel and deodorant?
Cloud: Oh! Heh, would you look at that?
Aeris: Are you saying I'm smelly and have bad hair?
Cloud: (nervously) Why don't we start eating, eh?
Manager: There you are!
Cloud: Hey, wait, you manager both restaurants?
Manager: Well, yes. Err, anyway, guards, get him!
(at Tropicasy)
Tifa: Jeez, where is that Cloud… I've already finished my plate and his. Barret's cooking isn't bad enough to keep him in the bathroom this long.
Then she hears people murmuring, and sees them pointing at something outside. She looks, curious, and sees a man running from a bunch of guards. It's Cloud!
Tifa: Cloud?!
Tifa runs outside.
(outside)
Cloud: Argh! (slams on the ground as a dozen guards jump on him)
Aeris: I didn't even know restaurants had such security.
Manager: Now are you gonna pay, or are you going to jail?!
Cloud: (into mic) Help me Red!
(behind the bushes)
Red: (passed out from drinking)
Abadenizer: (next to red, also passed out)
(back on the street)
Tifa: (arriving at the scene) Cloud? What's going on, why are you out here?
Aeris: Tifa? What are you doing here?
Tifa: Um, Cloud, care to explain?
Cloud: Err… (laughs nervously) It was a little mix up... I accepted both of your dates and only realized it later.
Aeris: Well gee, that clears up a lot of things.
Tifa: Well Cloud, you're gonna have to choose. One of us will go home, the other can stay with you. Come on, choose.
Cloud: What?! (looks around at the guards and the Manager)
Guard: You're on your own, buddy.
Manager: Leave him, I think the girls will punish him better than I can.
Cloud: Do I have to pick?
Aeris & Tifa: Yes!
Cloud: Umm…
Cloud thinks for a moment.
Cloud: I… can't decide.
Aeris & Tifa: (both take out a knife) Well, then…
Cloud: ARGH! Call the cops! Send me to jail! At least that's safe! (grabs onto the Manager for dear life)
Manager: Happy Valentine's Day, kid.
(back behind the bushes)
Red: (sleep-talking) Hello, my dear Blue XXXI…
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