Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or the song in the song used.
Title: Choice
Author: CrystalinElf
// // = yami to hikari
/ / = hikari to yami ( I know this has been done by many authors, so I'm using it because it seems to be a semi 'standard' in Yu-Gi-Oh! fics).
Song lyrics in * * because I can't get italics to work. Anyone wanna tell me how to? Please?
He stared at the unmoving form curled up on the bed, blanket pulled high to hide the face of the one underneath. Only the slightest whisper of breath told the spirit that his 'aibou' was awake, and conscious of his presence. He lips twitched up in a slight smirk as he contemplated his little one's reaction, and he knew quite well that Ryou expected a beating to be forthcoming. After all, hadn't he given his light a beating every night before this one, or nearly one every night, since he had first emerged from the Millennium Ring?
He had thought he was about to beat his aibou again tonight, when a stray thought had stopped him. 'When did I become what I used to hate?' had been the thought to cross into the ancient Tomb Robber's mind, unbidden and unexpected. Three millennia ago he had been the frightened child, tortured, betrayed and hated by his own father, an outcast among Egyptian society. Becoming a tomb robber had partly been to spite the people who allowed his life to be miserable, partly so he would be remembered, and part death wish. How he had hated his life…
*It's the choices that you make, and the ones that you don't, that define what you will be, what you are and what you seek*
Everyone who encountered him in this modern day and age also believed he hated life, and people in general. He didn't though… he had simply needed time to adjust, to learn what the rules where that governed his aibou's world. Bullies had picked on Ryou when Bakura had first gotten out of the Ring, and in a very ancient custom he had tried to toughen up his gentle aibou to protect him, in the only way he himself had ever learned.
Abuse.
Three thousand years spent in perpetual darkness, at the mercy of Fate and hoping someone would find the bloody Ring had made him promise himself that he wouldn't allow himself to be weak, or controlled by the person who would carry the ring. His wish for freedom had instantly taken precedence over his promise to himself in Egypt that he would never harm anyone like he had been harmed. For a long time, he couldn't remember ever making that promise.
*All the promises you've kept, and the ones that you break all the things you have bound up are set free*
Despite his automatic reaction to land a blow on Ryou as he hid under the blanket, sheer stubbornness kept his arms crossed over his chest. The Spirit could recall every single beating he himself had received as a child, every jeer and insult, every tear shed. He had hated being so weak, despite the tender age at which the beatings had occurred, though as he got older he was able to successfully bottle all of his emotions in a never filled well.
He shook his head and closed his eyes, determined to keep those old feelings pent up where they belonged: his past. How unusual this was, for all these old memories and thoughts to suddenly reappear and remind him of how he used to be, what he used to want.
Someone to love, someone to trust.
*Every nexus on the road, every branching path, means a choice you can't refuse, even choosing not to choose*
And here before him was his aibou, his light… someone he had abused for quite awhile now, and why Ryou curled up to minimize the pain, the boy had never really stood up to Bakura to try and stop the beatings. He had often wondered why Ryou did this, while calling his light weak Bakura marveled at his inner strength, his ability to maintain his peaceful nature.
*For the now becomes the past, you have passed the node and to win can be a different way to lose*
What would have happened by now if Ryou had let go of his pacifist nature, and struck back at Bakura? Certainly, he wouldn't be the aibou that Bakura had come to know, and slowly to care for. And had he struck back as hard as he could, centering on the Ring, Bakura himself might no longer be around… a prospect that his aibou didn't seem fond of, despite all the pain.
*It's so hard to see ahead, though behind it is clear, if you'd only known back then, but there is no 'start again'*
A lifetime of pain and suffering, committed sins, and then millennia in that cursed Ring… would he have made the choices he had if the gods had let him know this was where he would end up? Perhaps… perhaps not.
*You cannot erase the stains on the life you have lead, and the path of now will change the path of when; all the things you can't forget, all the harm that you've done, when you failed to be a friend, when you broke, but did not mend*
Not that it mattered now, he couldn't take back what he had done in the past, and he wasn't even sure he could make up for the pain he had caused Ryou. Should he even try? Wasn't he trying to now, by staying his habitual anger and abuse of the angel that was his partner? Ra knew he didn't deserve Ryou, and that Ryou didn't deserve any of that pain he had received.
*Can you learn the lesson there, do more than just regret, or deceive yourself with all that you pretend?*
His heart told him that Ryou would, of course, give him another chance whether he deserved one or not. That was just the white haired tenshi's nature, to be loving and forgiving, just like the Pharaoh's hikari. If he could admit the error of his behavior to Ryou.
*It's a spiral helix flow, never twice the same, only once you pass this way, you can never hope to stay*
How he hated to admit that he was wrong about things… this age was just as cruel in ways as his past one had been, but it was also more kind and fair. There was no reason for Ryou to suffer, as Bakura once had, no reason at all. There were plenty of people whose jobs were to protect the innocents of the world, even if many fell through society's cracks. And that was what Bakura should have been doing, protecting his hikari's innocence, rather than trying to force Ryou into the type of person that Bakura had become.
*Let the chisel carve the stone, form the best that you know, for you scope tomorrow by your choice today*
A slight smile lifted the corner of his mouth as he silently promised to become the guardian that Ryou deserved, to love and care for his aibou… and, by Ra, to show Ryou that he cared! He nodded decisively, full of a conviction that he didn't know he could possess. 'I'll even stop trying to steal the Pharaoh's puzzle. That should please Aibou,' he though
He moved forward the two feet needed to stand directly by the bed and leaned down to kiss the top of Ryou's head before he returned to his soul room.
//Don't be so apprehensive Aibou. I won't tell you what it is, but I've made a Choice, and from now on, I'll try to make my actions show you how I truly feel for you, rather than react to your love and kindness with my ingrained habits.//
/…./
// Now go to bed Aibou. You have school tomorrow.//
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CrystalinElf: *glances around nervously* did anyone like, or was it awful? I liked it myself, but I know I'm biased…
Rakka: *brushes unruly hair down as she stretches her wings* Calm down Crys, if they like it they like, it not, at least you finally got that song out of your head.
*CrystalinElf nods and wonders off to bed*
Rakka: Please leave a review, this was Crystalin's first ficcy. *Bows and head off to bed, stopping a moment to look at the readers once more.* And thanks for reading ^^