/ …. / Hikari to Yami; // …. // Yami to Hikari
Choice
By: Crystalin Elf
Chapter 3: Bakura Accepts Help
** Bakura's POV **
I recall that pivotal moment when I stood over Ryou's bed, wondering when I had become
something I hated. The pattern of easy anger and beatings where the hateful songs to
which I danced as a child, though in that ancient past I was the one abused, and my father the
one who administered those painful 'lessons'. I had tried to delude myself back then that if
I let father vent his anger on me, he might eventually run out of those feelings, and return to
his supposed role of protector and caregiver.
He never did run out of his anger, and eventually it claimed his life in some irrational act that got
him killed by the Pharaohs guards, leaving me an orphan. I was better off then, taken in by
a thief and taught the skills of a tomb robber. I had promised myself that I would never
hurt someone the way my father had hurt me, that I would never be as weak as he had
been. I would deal with my demons alone, without needing to take that pain out on
someone else.
I broke that promise of course, the moment I laid eyes on Ryou and hit him, filling his warm
eyes with tears. He was just like me, before I lost my innocence, but I suppose he had to
be, right? He is my Hikari, my light, more literally than I thought possible. And I beat him
for reminding me of how I used to be, taking out my anger on him in a way I had promised
myself I never would.
When I stopped hurting him it had been after weeks of reliving those old pains in my dreams,
nightmares that shifted from father beating me, to me beating Ryou, and one night it finally
sunk in. I stayed my hand and retreated into the Ring, promising to show him my true
feelings in the future. Over a month has passed since I made that promise, and I struggle with
the patterns of behavior I allowed myself to obtain. One day at a time, step by careful
step; I treat Ryou with all the care he deserves, even though I refuse to talk to him.
The Ring is a place of darkness, one item that helps to keep the Shadow Games at bay, and I
had spent a long time in that darkness. When I stepped away from the Ring to confront
Bakura, I 'saw the light'. I saw *my* light, my Hikari. For a long time I was blinded by
what I felt, and the things I saw in his eyes.
It's taken years for me to adjust to Ryou's light, for my eyes and heart to adjust and see
normally once more. I no longer feel weak and afraid of those things in Ryou's eyes.
Kindness, concern, caring, and love, a love he was willing to share with me. He's returned me
to myself, and he makes me whole.
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With a contented sigh Ryou closed and locked the door behind him and made a straight line for
the couch, and evening television shows. He flopped silently onto the couch, stretching out
along its length, head propped up on a pillow, turned the t.v. on. Nothing good on
tonight, he thought, blinking slowly as he relaxed and became sleepy. Might as well turn in
early since my homework is already finished. Ryou closed his eyes for a moment and
pushed himself back into a sitting position, then tensed in an automatic fear as he shifted
slightly to the right another's weight settled next to him.
"Your father called tonight and left a message… he'll be home tomorrow afternoon and said he
is bringing a guest." Bakura kept his voice soft, his face turned away from Ryou's. 'Baka,
you should have just told him through the mind-link, rather than scaring him by coming out
of the Ring!'
"O… oh, he is? I wonder who he could be bringing home," Ryou replied, pleased that his voice
barely shook at all.
"I don't know who is he is bringing, but I got the guest room ready so you wouldn't have to."
He shifted slightly and looked at Ryou from the corner of his eyes. "You look tired Ryou."
Ryou stood slowly and nodded, "I've had a busy day, and was about to go to bed."
Bakura turned to face Ryou a bit more as he smiled faintly. "I know. I just thought you should
know."
"Thank you Yami. I should get the guest room ready…" Ryou trailed off, amazed with himself
for how calm he was staying in Bakura's presence. Then again, I was worrying about him
not talking to me…
Bakura shook his head slightly, "I've already taken care of everything for you already Ryou, so
you can rest without worrying about it. I've also left messages at your friend's homes
about your father coming home, in case you're late for your weekend activities."
Ryou remained quiet for a moment, and then smiled warmly at Bakura. "Thanks Yami, I really
appreciate it. I just hope his guest doesn't stay to long, so I can introduce you to him."
"You… want to introduce us? After all I've done to you?"
He continued to smile at the incredulous tone of Bakura's voice and nodded. "Yes, after all
you've done to me… and what you've done for me. This past month you've taken care of
all the chores here, cooking and cleaning for me, doing the shopping and laundry, and you
haven't once complained. You even took notes for me once, and you haven't beaten me
at all this month, or raised your voice to me."
Before he could talk himself out of doing so he closed what little distance there was between
them and hugged Bakura, and rested his head against Bakura's shoulder. "It's hard… not
to act as if I'm going to be beaten when I come home, or stay out late, or do or say any of
the things that got me in trouble with you before. I've had a long time to get used to being
hurt by you, for little or no reason."
After a moment Ryou continued, his voice soft and reflective, "But I know that people can
change… sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but everyone can change. And you've been
trying, I know… and because I'm your Hikari, I have to believe that you can change, and
help if I can. If I didn't, I wouldn't be me, so… please, believe in me as well, and let me
help you."
He stayed still and waited for Bakura's response, letting time pass without feeling a need to call
attention back to it.
After awhile Bakura linked his hands behind Ryou's back, gently returning the hug, trying to
accept the comfort and support his aibou offered him.
/ Do you want my to help, Yami? /
// Can you help? //
/ Do you want me to. /
// …yes. //
/ Then I can. /
// How? //
/ Anyway you need me too Yami. I have some ideas that might help, but we'll have to work on
them tomorrow. For the moment… right don't you try sleeping in my room with me tonight?/
// ??? //
/ Hold me while I sleep, get used to being able to touch me, or anyone, without inflicting harm.
And maybe those dreams of yours won't come back. /
// … you know about my dreams? //
/ Your mental powers are stronger than mine Yami. I dream what you dream. /
Bakura grimaced and loosened his grip on Ryou, pulling back slightly. "Alright Ryou, I'll try
holding you in your sleep, if you think it'll help."
Ryou grabbed Bakura's hand before he could change his mind and proceeded to drag the him
up the stairs. "Get changed into some pajamas while I brush my teeth and change in the
bathroom, I'll only be a couple of minutes. No going back into the Ring! If you leave in the
middle of the night I'll wake up."
Bakura sighed and did as told, and waited for Ryou to get into bed. The promised couple of
minutes passed and Ryou came into the room, and climbed into bed. Bakura watched him
for a moment before climbing in as well.
"Oyasumi nasai, Yami," murmured Ryou, well on his way to already being asleep.
Bakura wrapped him arms around Ryou like he'd been told to, careful to keep his hold on the
smaller boy loose. "Good night Ryou." He listened as Ryou's breathing deepened, feeling
the moment when Ryou fell asleep.
'I guess this isn't too bad,' he thought, tightening his grip slightly as he moved closer to Ryou.
'How can he fall asleep with me holding him? How can he find enough trust in me?' He
sighed and closed his eyes, relaxing despite his unease. Before long, he drifted off into
sleep as well.
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Tears streamed down the small boys face as the large man holding onto the back of his shirt
forced him to look into the bowl of water, making him look at himself.
"It's all your fault you little brat! She died because of you, and you have the nerve to look like her!"
/ It wasn't your fault, but he didn't care. /
The boy was flung away from the bowl and into a corner, where he curled up into a ball to try
and protect his more vital organs. His white hair was matted in blood from the cuts on his
head, pale, gentle and innocent face flushed with fever, some spots darker than others
where he bruised.
He cried out softly as the man kicked him over and over again, uttering curses with every blow
he delivered on the small boy. Then he bent down and grabbed the boy, tossing him onto
the pallet they used as a bed. Warm brown eyes dared peek out from behind the matted
hair, and the boy whimpered at the look held in the mans eyes. There wasn't really much
sanity left there, in those black depths. The woman's death had affected him more deeply
than he'd say, but the boy couldn't figure why the man wouldn't mourn for her.
/ Come back to me, away from this memory, this past. /
With ragged breath the man jerked the rags that were the boys clothes over his head in one
swift movement, leaving him shivering and naked on the pallet. His whimpers of pain where
ignored when the man shoved him down onto his stomach…
/ Dreams Yami, memories of the past. See? They fade away if you want them too. /
And then there was another there, with clean white hair that shined and warm brown eyes,
standing between the man and boy.
/ See? We can face this together. /
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He awoke with a start, looking up into Ryou's warm brown eyes as the memory faded away
like mist. "You woke me up," he stated quietly.
Ryou smiled and curled back up beside him, one arm laid gently across his chest. "I only let you
know that I was there for you Yami. You woke yourself up."
He sighed and shifted slightly so he could place both arms around Ryou again. "Well, thanks for
being there then."
"Anytime Yami, whenever you need or want me there. Now go to sleep again… the dreams
won't come back."
Bakura drifted back to sleep once more listening to Ryou's breathing. And he was right, the
dreams didn't come back.
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To Be Continued:
Crystalin: Nyaaa! Well, I decided that, even though I like reviews and pleasing people, I'll write
whatever is most fun to me. Blame Rakka, it was her suggestion.
Rakka: Aww, what a cute image, Ryou helping Bakura sleep! And shouldn't writers write what
they think is fun or enjoyable? I refuse to be a muse if writing becomes torturous to Crys!
Crystalin: So protective… anyway, thanks for reading minna! Please review ^^