November 2002

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Esca. ::grumble:: but believe me when I tell you I'm working on owning the anime empire someday with the help of Sable and Koyuki and Raymei. We'll become the next CLAMP and form an empire that slowly takes over everything and then….::stops when she realizes people are staring:: I think I've said too much…anyway. Read on.

ALL I NEED

By Youjibaracuda

~*~FIVE~*~

Van ran his hands through his unruly hair.

His muscles were tense and he was completely frustrated.

If there was one thing he hated was being backed into a corner, which was exactly where he was.

He had absolutely no idea who had Sezarina or why they had taken her. There were a number of people who could want to pull Van into a situation where he would have to break from Fanelia's seclusion from the rest of the "revolutionized" Gaea.

The truth of the matter was that Gaea's introduction to Donkirk's inventions and philosophies had brought more harm than good. He had seen first hand the kind of suffering and invitation for corruption these "innovations" had brought. So, along with the approval his people, Van decided to keep Fanelia way from all that. They were happy the way they were, and had always kept to themselves, and therefore it wasn't difficult to break away from the mainstream ideas that were sweeping over Gaea.

Because of this, there were those outside the country could be holding a grudge against Fanelia, perhaps looking at their isolation as a type of betrayal.

But of all the problems he had right now, the hardest one by far was facing his children.

Kiross was told the truth of the situation, and even though he actually threw himself into his father's arms in fear for a while, he eventually straightened up and nobly offered his assistance.

Van smiled inwardly at his older son's bravery to face such a difficult situation.

Gavin, however, had posed more of a problem. Gavin, Van had considered old enough to understand why his mother was gone. The seven year old had sobbed for a long time on Van's shoulder until he feel asleep and Van had to take him to his room. He was very attached to Sezarina and it was going to be very hard for him to cope with her kidnapping.

What had seemed strange to Van was the reaction of his youngest. When she had asked about her mother, Varie was told that her mother would be gone for a while. The child had stopped and seemed to consider this.

"You don't like her anymore, Daddy?" she had asked Van.

"No, sweetie, I do," Van had told the little girl, "She's just going to be gone for a while."

"Are you going to go too?" she asked him.

"Only when I have to go and bring your mother back," Van responded.

Varie smiled and hugged her father tightly.

"As long as I have you, Daddy, everything's okay," the four year old had said.

Now Van threw himself into his bed, aggravated by the council's reaction. No one could agree on what to do. But it was clear that nothing could be done until they had received more information. All they could do was nothing.

And nothing could frustrate Van Fanel more.

He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. He needed to clear his head; he needed to feel comforted by the only person who could.

'Hitomi?' his mind called out.

'Van?' Hitomi's sweet voice responded to his call.

'Are you busy?' he asked.

'Never for you,' she answered.

Van opened up his mental plane, creating the scenario in which they would be meeting. He needed to see her, to feel her presence, even if it was just in the planes of their minds.

'Where are you, Van?' Hitomi asked him.

'The ocean' he answered, 'It shines like thousands of glittering jewels.'

He continued the description of the mental plane he found himself in. Slowly, as he described it, it began to take form around him.

'I can smell of the salt in the air…' he said just as a salty breeze picked up.

'The expansion that goes on forever,' Hitomi contributed, making the ocean expand endlessly.

'The waves are beautiful,' she continued.

'So are you,' he told her.

Then she appeared before him, having been able to arrange her thoughts to coincide with his and entering the plane of his mind. Sharing the same thought is what allowed them to see each other.

She had her honey hair haphazardly picked up in a messy twist, and she was wearing a light blue button down shirt with dark blue pants that she called jeans. Van could tell she must have been in the middle of doing something else when he had called to her.

"What's wrong, Van?" Hitomi asked almost immediately, alarm lacing her tone. She could feel the distress that was underlain in the beautiful scene within Van's mind.

The king sighed deeply, knowing she would have felt his aggravation. But he didn't want to think about that right now.

"I just want to clear my head, that's all," he told her.

Hitomi raised an eyebrow skeptically at him.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted anything," Van continued.

Her face relaxed. "Don't talk nonsense, Van. I always have time for you," she said as she sat down on the sand, motioning for him to join her, to which he complied.

He picked held her left hand in his right, even though he couldn't really feel her touch. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while.

The gentle crash of the waves before them continued in a gentle motion. Some where off in the distance he could hear the sound of birds, which Hitomi had called "seagulls". He hadn't spent much time by the ocean, while Hitomi had grown up next to it, so he knew she was aiding a lot in making this scenery they were in.

Van loved to just be with Hitomi, to know she was next to him. Her very presence was soothing and slowly he felt his problems drop from him and roll away with the waves…

She made his life better…the fact that he had let the opportunity of having her with him slip through his hands, twice, often made him feel disgusted at his weakness…

*~flashback~*

'Hitomi?' the nineteen year old girl heard Van's voice in her mind.

'Van!' she called out to him. 'How are you?'

'I need to talk to you. It's important,' he said in an urgent tone. He sounded excited, so Hitomi knew that there was nothing wrong.

'Okay,' she answered, putting down her pencil and gladly shoving aside her calculus work.

'I'm listening, Van.'

'No, I need to talk to you in person,' he said.

'Okay,' she responded, beginning to clear her mind, 'What are you thinking about?'

'No, not like that. I want to really see you,' Van insisted.

Hitomi laughed. 'Is that so?' she said skeptically, tilting back in her desk chair. 'How do you suppose we can arrange that?'

'I'm already here,' Van said simply.

Hitomi fell backwards out of her chair.

"WHAT??!!!" she cried out loud.

"Hitomi?" she heard her mother's voice call. "Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. Mom," Hitomi called back.

'Van, what the hell are you talking about?' Hitomi asked in a rush.

She heard him chuckle. 'I mean that I'm here. On the Mystic Moon. I need to talk to you,' he said. 'How can I find you?'

Hitomi shook her head, forgetting that he couldn't see her. 'No, I'll come find you. Just stay where you are. I am going to need you to relay an image though. Of your surroundings,' she explained as she looked around for her jacket.

Van began to describe the things around him as best he could and Hitomi concentrated on the thought, when suddenly she was there with him in the plane of his mind. She quickly looked around and found that Van was at the track of her old high school. Somehow she wasn't surprised that he would be there. Gently, she created more to the atmosphere and directed Van's attention to the shrine that was just beyond the trees they had been discussing.

"I'll meet you there," she told him, before slipping away from his mind and returning to her real world.

Hitomi walked out of her house and headed for the train station. It shouldn't take her long to get to the high school.

These past four years had been hard for Hitomi. All she had been through had forced her to grow up very quickly. The war on Gaea had unintentionally taken her innocence and made her realize that mankind was capable of causing pain. As if to prove it, soon after her return from Gaea, her father had abandoned her family. Even though her mother already worked full time, it wasn't enough for the three of them. Since Mamurou was only ten at the time, the burden fell upon Hitomi to help maintain her family. When she had turned sixteen, she began working at a local dojo that was owned by a family friend. There she was taught kendo, and with the money she earned at her job and the money she earned from winning some minor competitions, was able help her family and also get herself into college. Her family depended on her, at least for now, since Mamurou was almost fifteen now, and soon her would be able to relieve her of her duty and allow her to move on in her life.

All these thoughts were the ones running through her mind when the train pulled into her stop. She got off and made her way towards Kamikura High School.

The fall air was whipping around her as she neared the Shrine.

Right about now, panic started to set in, as she realized she was about to meet Van again for real after four years. She suddenly felt extremely self conscious, looking down at herself, realizing that in her hurry to leave the house, she was dressed in an old pair of sweats, a small black t-shirt over which she had pulled on a red jacket. She must have looked a complete mess. The advantage of her and Van meeting each other in their minds was that she could adjust her appearance as she pleased and Van would never be the wiser.

As she got nearer, her heart began pounding unnaturally fast and it was becoming difficult to swallow.

Finally, she reached her destination, and finding no one, she began to wonder if she had simply imagined that Van had come to Earth. After all, it had been her strongest desire ever since she had left Gaea. Well, either her brain was playing cruel tricks on her, or she was losing her mind. Her eyes down cast on the ground, she turned to walk away only to walk right into a hard, strong body that grabbed her before she fell backwards.

"I'm so sorry," she began to apologize.

"Hitomi?" a deep male voice asked.

Hitomi's eyes shot up only to find herself face to face with the object of her desire.

"It's really you," they both said at once.

Hitomi laughed. "When I didn't see you I thought I had imagined it all," she explained.

"I saw you coming but I didn't recognize you, so I went behind there," Van said, tilting his head in the direction of some trees.

"You didn't recognize me?" Hitomi asked, puzzled.

Van shrugged. "You look…a little different," he told her. Hitomi felt a blush rush to her cheeks as she realized that Van was still holding her against him, and she could appreciate the full hardness of his broad chest and strong arms.

 "What happened to your hair?" he asked her.

Hitomi's eyes widened with understanding. Of course he didn't recognize her. She reached up to touch her now pitch black hair that was amazingly similar to Van's. The difference was that there was streaks of white in the front, making it a very odd look overall.

"It's dyed," she explained, "A word to the wise. Never make a bet unless you're willing to deal with the consequences of losing."

"Dyed?" Van asked. "You mean you can dye your hair like you dye cloth?"

"Sort of," Hitomi answered. "It's a very long story that I won't get into."

Van nodded, and ran a hand through the hair that was over her shoulders. The black that framed her face made her skin look paler, and her green eyes stand out more intensely.

"I liked your original color better," he said softly.

"I'll make a note of that," Hitomi responded.

"Still," he continued, "It doesn't mean that I love you any less."

Hitomi smiled up at him before wrapping her arms around her shoulders and pressing herself against him in a hug.

Van loved her.

She remembered the day he had told her. She had let him know how she felt first, telling him that she understood if the feelings were not reciprocated. He had taken her hands in his and looked into her eyes, telling her that all she had said were the very things he had been afraid to tell her for years. Everything had been perfect then, in the plane of their minds.

Well, almost everything.

Hitomi now found that nothing could be better than to feel Van, like she was right now, solid and tangible, feeling his arms around her and protecting her from the world.

Van was taking in the feel of the woman he loved. It felt so good to actually physically hold her, and he hoped he would be able to do so for a long time.

He pulled away slightly and ran his fingers along the curves of her face and across her lips. He leaned in slowly and cautiously, just in case she didn't want him to do what he was about to do.

Timidly, Van let his lips lightly graze against hers in a hesitant kiss. When Hitomi didn't pull away, he did it again, holding his lips longer over hers. She finally reacted and hesitantly kissed him back. Liking the feel of his lips, Hitomi felt a surge of confidence, and moved to deepen the kiss, letting her arms wrap around his neck so they could be in a better position. He tightened his grip on her body as he felt it pressed against him.

They eventually had to let their lips part (because of that annoying thing called oxygen) but they kept their heads together as they caught their breaths.

"That was nice," Hitomi commented with a smile.

"I mean to have it repeated often," Van responded.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" she asked, blushing.

Van's eyes seemed to snap back into focus as he remembered the reason he was even there at the moment. He backed away from her slightly, a rare smile playing on his lips.

"Yes and no," he told her.

"Its Fanelian law that the king should marry during his eighteenth year," he began.

"But you're nineteen now, Van," Hitomi interrupted.

"I know. I've been able to put it off for a year. The king gets to choose his bride, but if he will not, then one will be chosen for him. The reason I put it off for a year is that it's taken me that long to be able to get here."

Van swallowed loudly, and lowered his gaze to the ground, taking Hitomi's hands in his.

"I wanted…I was wondering if…" he lifted his mahogany eyes to her face, a blush covering his cheeks.

"There's no one I would want for my wife other than you," Van said quietly.

Hitomi felt her heart stop before suddenly beating so fast it threatened to burst right out of her.

Van lowered himself on one knee, and looked up at her shocked face.

"Hitomi, will you consent to marrying me?"

A cool autumn breeze floated through the red and gold leaves of the trees above them. Some of these leaves left their native home and floated in the wind, happy and free.

Hitomi's face had grown unbelievably pale. Her legs couldn't hold her up anymore and so she dropped to the floor in front of Van.

"You want me to marry you?" she asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes," Van answered, becoming increasingly worried. This wasn't exactly how he'd imagined this situation would play out.

"That would mean that I would have to go back to Gaea with you right away," Hitomi said more to herself than to him, her eyes off in the distance but they didn't seem to be focused on anything in particular.

"Hitomi…?" Van gently touched her shoulder, fear beginning to lace his tone.

Her eyes became glazed over with tears as she bowed her head.

"I can't," she said almost inaudibly.

Van felt the wind had been knocked out of him. "What?" he finally managed to ask. Hitomi threw herself in his arms, holding him tightly.

"I would love nothing more than to marry you," she said, her voice breaking.

A bit of relief passed through Van as he held her. Maybe he hadn't heard her right.

"Is there anyway that we can postpone the wedding for another year or so?" Hitomi asked.

Van shook his head, now not understanding what exactly was going on.

"No, I can't. I've already held it off for a year longer than I should have," he told her.

There was a pause on Hitomi's side.

"Then, I can't marry you," she said.

She went on to explain what her situation was and how she couldn't abandon her family when they needed her the most.

Van held her, listening to what she was saying, and feeling his heart breaking.

The selfish part of him a wanted to tell her that he would do whatever it took for them to be together. But deep in his heart he knew he couldn't. He couldn't bend the law anymore than he already had. His people needed a king they could trust to always do the right thing. On top of that, they needed an heir, especially in the difficult times that Gaea was going through where another war could break out at anytime. If something happened to him, who would lead his people?

It tore his heart to pieces to tell her all of that, and he knew that it must have equally as difficult for her to refuse him.

They both had duties to fulfill, and it seemed as if Fate would not allow them to be together.

"I love you, Van," Hitomi said, after firmly kissing his lips. "Don't ever forget that."

"You are the only one I could ever love," he told her, feeling tears sting his eyes. "No one else could ever have my heart."

"You've always had mine," she whispered to him.

They tearfully kissed once more and, quite possibly for the last time, physically held each other until a blue pillar of light came to carry Van away.

Hitomi let bitter tears fall from her eyes as she watched him disappear from her view.

Once he was gone, she felt incredibly empty, as if her very soul had been ripped from her.

"What do know, Van?" she whispered into the air, "You took me with you anyway."

~*end flashback*~

"Hitomi," Van spoke up, "I'm so sorry."

She turned her face toward him, knowing what he had been thinking about.

"Don't apologize anymore, Van. You know that it wasn't your fault or mine. It's just the way things happened."

"But—"

"Shh," she said holding her finger to his lips. She leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss. "I don't want to hear about it anymore. Okay?"

He nodded and let out a heavy sigh.

After a moment he leaned forward with a smile and kissed her cheek lightly. "Happy thirtieth," he told her.

"You remembered," she said.

He nodded and smiled lightly at her.

"Of course. Now you can't call me old anymore," he teased.

"Yeah," she responded with a giggle, "That is until you turn thirty one. Then you'll be my old man again."

Van glared at her good naturedly. "It's not my fault I was born eight months before you were." **

Hitomi sighed and shook her head, "I guess not. But it doesn't change anything."

They laughed for a while, and both felt their sprits being uplifted.

"I have to go, Van," Hitomi then said, "Do you feel better?"

"Yes, thank you. Will I see you soon?"

"Absolutely. Good night, Van," she said as she gave him a quick hug before disappearing.

Van opened his eyes to find he had returned to his room once more.

"Good night, my love," Van said softly.

~*~

TBC…

**Van was born the 12th of White which is about April, and Hitomi was born December 9th

Baracuda here. I'm supposed to be studying for a Japanese oral exam I have tomorrow morning.(it's Sunday night) But what am I doing? WRITING FOR THE LOVE OF YOU PEOPLE!! I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE WHAT I DO FOR YOU!!!! ::giggle:: j/k..

That was probably the longest flashback ever…gomen nasai. Okay, I know that this wasn't exactly the type of V/H action you were expecting, but that's the way this story goes.

::dodges unidentified flying objects being thrown at her by V/H fans::

HEY!!! That's not fair!!! I'll make it better!!!!

I'm sorry I took longer than expected, but I hope *some* of you enjoyed it (::glares at fans that threw things at her::)

Please R&R!!!!!

--Youjibaracuda

"'You mock my pain!'

'Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something.'"

---The Princess Bride