He had dreamed of her again, this was happening with an alarming frequency,
did he want her? He wasn't sure anymore, his feelings for her had changed
yes, but had they changed that much? Still it didn't matter did it? She
didn't want him, had never shown any signs that she did, or had she? Were
those little touches really innocent?
Once he thought that she was about to kiss him, but was it just his imagination seeing what he wanted to see? But he didn't want her, did he? Oh this was confusing him, driving him mad, he had to stop this. Work, yes work was a good a distraction as any.
Work did not disappoint, life on Andromeda was never easy, but then again did he really want the quite life? of course it would be safer to abandon this life and live on some quite planet but even though he knew that should be appealing, it wasn't. The shift ended all to soon though, and again he was left alone with his thoughts.
He dreamed of her again that night, but now a new face filled the dreams as well, that of a child a daughter, a girl barely four, but already bright, quick and strong. He watched her running, long hair flowing out behind her, she was beautiful like her mother.
Had it really got this far? A child, he was dreaming of a child, yet he still wasn't sure he wanted her. No, that wasn't true he had to admit it; he did want her every bone in his body cried out for her he could feel it now.
She walked past him and he couldn't help but look to her, he couldn't fight it any more, didn't want to, but he had to she didn't want him not now, probably not ever. Still his eyes fell to her, and suddenly he wanted to pull her close to him, and taste those sweet lips of hers, to. no this had to stop now there was work to be done there was no time for daydreaming.
They had lunch together again as they did frequently, still it meant nothing more than friendship to her 'just friends' having lunch together as always. Her hand brushed his, and unbidden the images of the girl sprung into this mind, they were in a park surrounded by flowerers; she was holding her spinning her around as she giggled with childish delight while he looked on. It was a beautiful scene and he wounded if that would be his life with her; if it was then he would gladly surrender to it.
The contact broke and the image faded, but suddenly those eyes of hers turned to him and looked him straight in the eye they seamed to probe his very sole, if he even had such a thing, and an intense emotion filled her eyes, but it was gone before he could identify it. Then the moment was gone, and he wondered if it was ever there at all or just another figment of his imagination.
For the hundredth time he wondered what had changed they had touched like that before many times and he had felt nothing, well maybe not exactly nothing, but nothing as intense as that.
He berated him self; it was getting out of hand now, he could not function properly, he could not go on like this. Something had to change, but he could not tell her, so what? Leave? Change his feelings? He couldn't do that they had gone to far, spiralled out of control, and he hated when things were out of his control. But that left leaving and he couldn't face that either he belonged here he could feel that now.
Maybe he would tell her, tell her his feelings had changed, maybe just maybe she wanted him too and he could make her his. But if she rejected him? His mind questioned, then what, things could not remain the same he may still have to leave. So it was back to square one; what ever the choice things could not remain the same, but then again was that not what he wanted, or was it?
He was confused another feeling he hated, but one thing was clear to him: the thought of loosing her completely, that was to much, he couldn't risk that; so he would just have to play a little longer at 'just friends' maybe over time the feelings would disappear. Yes that was it; he would just have to work harder at controlling his feelings and being 'just friends'.
End of part 3
Once he thought that she was about to kiss him, but was it just his imagination seeing what he wanted to see? But he didn't want her, did he? Oh this was confusing him, driving him mad, he had to stop this. Work, yes work was a good a distraction as any.
Work did not disappoint, life on Andromeda was never easy, but then again did he really want the quite life? of course it would be safer to abandon this life and live on some quite planet but even though he knew that should be appealing, it wasn't. The shift ended all to soon though, and again he was left alone with his thoughts.
He dreamed of her again that night, but now a new face filled the dreams as well, that of a child a daughter, a girl barely four, but already bright, quick and strong. He watched her running, long hair flowing out behind her, she was beautiful like her mother.
Had it really got this far? A child, he was dreaming of a child, yet he still wasn't sure he wanted her. No, that wasn't true he had to admit it; he did want her every bone in his body cried out for her he could feel it now.
She walked past him and he couldn't help but look to her, he couldn't fight it any more, didn't want to, but he had to she didn't want him not now, probably not ever. Still his eyes fell to her, and suddenly he wanted to pull her close to him, and taste those sweet lips of hers, to. no this had to stop now there was work to be done there was no time for daydreaming.
They had lunch together again as they did frequently, still it meant nothing more than friendship to her 'just friends' having lunch together as always. Her hand brushed his, and unbidden the images of the girl sprung into this mind, they were in a park surrounded by flowerers; she was holding her spinning her around as she giggled with childish delight while he looked on. It was a beautiful scene and he wounded if that would be his life with her; if it was then he would gladly surrender to it.
The contact broke and the image faded, but suddenly those eyes of hers turned to him and looked him straight in the eye they seamed to probe his very sole, if he even had such a thing, and an intense emotion filled her eyes, but it was gone before he could identify it. Then the moment was gone, and he wondered if it was ever there at all or just another figment of his imagination.
For the hundredth time he wondered what had changed they had touched like that before many times and he had felt nothing, well maybe not exactly nothing, but nothing as intense as that.
He berated him self; it was getting out of hand now, he could not function properly, he could not go on like this. Something had to change, but he could not tell her, so what? Leave? Change his feelings? He couldn't do that they had gone to far, spiralled out of control, and he hated when things were out of his control. But that left leaving and he couldn't face that either he belonged here he could feel that now.
Maybe he would tell her, tell her his feelings had changed, maybe just maybe she wanted him too and he could make her his. But if she rejected him? His mind questioned, then what, things could not remain the same he may still have to leave. So it was back to square one; what ever the choice things could not remain the same, but then again was that not what he wanted, or was it?
He was confused another feeling he hated, but one thing was clear to him: the thought of loosing her completely, that was to much, he couldn't risk that; so he would just have to play a little longer at 'just friends' maybe over time the feelings would disappear. Yes that was it; he would just have to work harder at controlling his feelings and being 'just friends'.
End of part 3