Elladan's POV
I tried to keep my face blank, impassive, as I kept my arms straight and taunt, but I knew Elrohir could see how much pain I was in. I turned my face away from him, blinking back outraged tears - outraged at *myself*, and only at myself, for having let this happened. 'All my fault,' I thought miserably, my mind unconsciously echoing Elrohir's thoughts before we had entered the small town. 'And what did you tell me?' A voice that had suddenly appeared in my thoughts nagged, sounding annoyingly like Elrohir. 'That it wasn't my fault. And it's not yours either.'
But this time, it was different, I thought stubbornly. It really *was* my fault. Krystal jerked away from Ada's touch again, pushing her shoulders up against my hands. Was this my punishment, I wondered wryly as I kept my arms straight keeping her in place, having to hold her down while she longed to get away? It was for her own good, I know...but I wasn't sure it was good for me.
My eyes began to glaze over and Ada caught my wandering gaze. "Elladan, focus." He urged his voice low but sharp, penetrating my thoughts. Pushing my personal misgivings and wrenching pain deep inside to mull over later, I let my face go slack and nodded automatically. "Yes, Ada."
Taking a glance down at Krystal's broken ankle and feverish thigh, I restrained from biting my lip, but made a silent vow. "I will make this up to you," I whispered feverently. "And nothing like this will *ever* happen again while I live or die," I vowed softly. "I swear."
Glancing up, I noticed no one heard my words and sent up a silent prayer that I would be able to hold to my vow. But with a piercing look, Ada brought me crashing down to the present.
"I need to look at the welts on her back.." he trailed off, his eyes racking over her thigh, pausing at the bandage he had newly applied. Sighing and shaking his head, he raised his eyes to mine. "Help me turn her over...*gently*." He stressed the last word and despite my impassive look, I bristled. *Of course* I would be gentle - what did he think I was, a barbarian?
"I know, Ada." I answered, sharper than I intended to. He look up evenly, mild surprise in his clear gray eyes and I saw my own face reflected in their depths. But something else I had never seen before stared down at me from my father's eyes, and I took a sudden, swift step backwards. I had never seen such a look of doubt and disappointment in my father's eyes before...and now he used that expression with me!
I could feel my heart physically aching in my chest at the knowledge that not only had I let a young maiden suffer so I could return home in comfort, I had now lost all trust my father had in my conscience.
"Do you, Elladan?" he asked swiftly, refusing to tear his eyes from mine. His voice was low, meant for my ears only as he spoke the words meaningfully. "Do you really?"
Fighting the compelling urge to flee, I forced myself to stare dully back. "Yes, Adar. I *do*."
Nodding back towards the girl, lying helplessly on the bed, his father challenged him, both in his eyes and in his words.
"Prove it." He challenged simply.
Something snapped inside of me, and I felt a sudden urge to let loose a reel of dwarfish curses I had acquired during my travels. How dare my father provoke me at a time when I was so...so....heartbroken?!
Leaning down over Krystal, I gently slide two fingers under her shoulder. Her eyes darted around underneath closed eyelids, and I felt something in my chest constrict. "Shh," I soothed softly. "It's alright. I've got you now."
------------
Elrohir's POV
I frowned, my feet rooted firmly to the spot where I stood, my back to the bed. My hands flew over the herbs and potions, and almost without conscious thought I mixed them to the right amounts, making extra healing solutions, and anything else I could think of without making an effort. I could feel Elladan's pain as he ignored the thoughts I sent to him, but I couldn't bear to turn around and watch them poke and prod at her..like...like...some sort of animal! She was in a pitiful position and it was even more so because *I* had put her there!
Elladan could convince himself that he held the fault of anything, and I knew it. And, to give due where it is due, sometimes it *was* his fault. Like the time he shot me in the foot during target pratice. The idea. Or the time he told Aragorn that if you climbed to the highest tree in the forest, to the highest branch, you could see the dark spiders of Mirkwood. Of course the little boy attempted, and upon falling, broke his leg. That, I was willing to admit, was his fault.
But there had been times when it *wasn't* his fault, and it took me days to convince him of that. Days. Like the time we found Arathon dead, and the rangers attacked...and the tiny babe, clutched in Gilraen's trembling arms. How could that have been his fault? I thought roughly. It made no sense!
But Elladan convinced himself it was his fault and nothing I could say would change his mind. Adar had to step in. I would never know what he had said to him, but something had changed in Elladan and he gradually accepted the fact that he could not do everything about everything. He had actually recovered quiet well from that, I reasoned logically.
But then there...then there was Celebrian, there was my mother. And my mothers last days in Middle Earth..I suppressed a shudder and my eyes shut briefly. That's truly what was bothering me, I realized with a start. This scene was all too familiar...Elladan, hovering over the bed assisting Ada as they bustled anxiously, a girl, a women, lying in pitiful pain..and myself in this exact same position, mixing an herb, an elixir I thought could possible save my mother..but they had failed, I had failed..
My hands froze where they were and my body stiffened as a wave of memories washed over me. I had been standing in this exact stop...and so had my brother, so had my father, doing this exact thing when my mother had cried out for help, from unseen enemies, shadows prowling at her mind...I fought to return to the present, I fought against the painful memories that had held me captive for so long...but they were stronger than me and I knew it. Closing my eyes tightly, I gave myself up to the surge of emotions, clutching my heart and pulling me deep inside...
~*~*~*~
Celebrian clutched the silken blankets wrapped around her snugly, her face contorted in utter pain, her eyes shut tightly. And still, she was beautiful. Her silver-blonde hair spilled down over her shoulders, and though her face was furrowed as she fought shadow, it still retained it's lovely look of wisdom and smiles. Sun, for sorrow, would not show her smiling face, and rain drummed on the windows in a staccato pattern, but the weak light still highlighted a hallow over my mother's dear face. Ada hovered over her, muttering an incantation, his voice so low and weary with exhaustion, I prayed Illuvator would be able to hear him. On the left side of the bed, Elladan stroked her cheek soothingly, and as Ada's words continued, she began to tremble violently. Nana bit her lip so hard, tiny rivulets of blood appeared quickly on her lovely lips. Beneath the sheets, her body was marred and discolored, but the most predominant change in her appearance was the bandage on her forehead. Blood seeped out in a tantalizingly slow manner of the life-changing injury, and I was filled with a surge of hatred, of rage, of pure, blind anger. They would pay for what they did to my mother...they would pay if it was the last thing I ever did.
I stood with my back towards her, my face towards the window as my hands flew over the nameless potions and sweet smelling herbs. I tensed stiffly as my mother cried out in pain, and I heard Ada stifle a cry. "Oh, melam nin, Amin hiraetha... Amin hiraetha." A wave of dread passed over me. "Ada," I gasped as I turned haltingly around, where my father had a steady stream of tears pouring down his face, and he looked as though he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders as he took a reluctant step back from my mother's bed. I glanced at Elladan's stony face, at the guarded wall behind his eyes and heard a crushing sound. I only realized later it was my heart breaking in half.
I glanced at the bed, terrified I would see my mother lying in eternal sleep. But her chest was rising and falling steadily, her eyes shut peacefully. She was still living!
"Ada, will she be..?" I let my statement hang in midair as my father turned away from me, towards the window. His arms hung defeated at his side and as I watched, a lone tear fell from his cheek and splattered on the floor.
~*~*~*~
I reeled back violently as if struck, as the startling pain of the memory hit me squarely in the gut. I stumbled backwards for a moment in shock, gasping for breath as I shook my head determinedly. No! My mind screamed out in panic. I overcame this feeling, I moved on! I froze, dropping the vial of clear liquid I had unconsciously concocted. It dropped to the floor and shattered, breaking the uneasy tension in the room with a bang.
----
Aragorn's POV
I eyed both of my brother's with rapt attention. My eyes lingered on Elladan for a long moment. His face was tight with pain and anger and a flashing of emotions that I couldn't hope to comprehend. He seemed to be in great pain, but he at least had himself in check. I had barely begun to study the weary lines in my father's face with bewilderment - surely, with sons such as my brothers and I, he would be used to infection and injuries? Why did this incident seem to tire and pain him so?
My head snapped around as a shattering of glass shoved me violently out of my thoughts and my eyes latched on Elrohir. The elf was staggering as if someone had punched him stomach, his eyes wide and body shaking violently. I sprung out of my seat in worry, catching him under the arms before he fell to the floor.
"Elrohir?!" I asked in horror, my eyes wide with shock. He shook his head suddenly, and just as quickly as he had stumbled, he straightened himself. His eyes were wide as if he couldn't believe he had lost control so quickly, and he fumbled over his words. "Aragorn-- I -- Nana -- Ella ---" He shook his head and stepped out of my arms, embarrassed, and I notice his eyes pause on Legolas as they darted around the room.
"Elrohir?" I repeated quickly. "Are you *alright*?"
He nodded quickly and his eyes finally locked on mine. "It's just...oh, Nana.." his eyes glazed off again, and Elrond and Elladan, who had stopped whatever it was they were doing to stare in shock at Elrohir, sent each other a look of understanding. Elladan quickly strode over from his position on the bed and grasped Elrohir's arm firmly, pulling him towards him in a comforting embrace, blinking back the tears in his own eyes as he clutched his brother tightly.
I stepped back, understanding they were relating in a way I would never be able to relate to. They had been through so much together, and had passed through it all successfully. Would I ever be able to be so triumphant?
I eased slowly back into my seat, my hands clutching the chair tightly as I watched them. Elladan seemed to understand exactly what had ailed his brother. Legolas leaned over towards me and nodded at Elrond. The half elf continued to apply soothing healing lotion to the bloody welts on Krystal's back, but his attention was obviously on his sons. When he opened his mouth, his voice was tight, as if battling back tears. "My sons," he whispered horsely. Both of his biological sons looked up at him with tears in their eyes and for a moment, all three of them shared the same thought - Everything will be okay. Slight smiles played at all of their lips before both sons charged at their father and hugged him fiercly, pressing themselves as close to him as possible.
"It'll be okay," Elrond muttered swiftly, his voice quiet with sorrow and understanding. "Oh, boys. It'll be okay."
I didn't understand what was going on, what had caused my family such pain, until Legolas caught my eye. "Celebrian," he breathed and my eyes closed lightly with understanding. Celebrian, Silver Queen, Wife of Elrond, Mother of Elladan and Elrohir...a loss so great I knew it was still a painful memory, haunting their dreams.
But they had managed to pull through, I reassured myself as the family in front of me broke up and went back to their respective jobs. Krystal would be okay now, I knew, as I saw Elrond nod with satisfaction. Glancing at the tense faces around me, I only had left to wonder if we would be.
I pushed up from the chair and walked to the window, my eyes gazing over the early morning light as the sun broke in all it's glory on Rivendell. Elves were beginning to move about, ready for a full day and yet I had never felt more boggled down and exhausted. My family, Legolas included, was going to be alright, I knew. Krystal would manage, but whether she would forgive us all remained to be seen. Now, I had to deal with myself.
In the back of my mind, guilt plagued me. Guilt and doubt.
I was supposed to reunite a country, a people, convince thousands that I was strong enough to lead them to victory, to prosperity, and peace. And yet, how was I supposed to do this if I myself didn't believe it?
I was given one job, one responsibility. To make sure one vulnerable girl -- never mind thousands of people -- one girl made it safe and alive through the wilderness. I don't care that it was Elrohir who came up with the plan, or that it was Elladan who was given the official responsibility. I don't give a damn that Legolas, as a Prince, has moral responsibility to protect her since he was originally the one who found her and she was found in his kingdom. She was my friend, and I considered myself to be hers. As a friend, I should have known better than to leave her there! I saw for myself the cruelty in Annore's gaze, I *knew*, some sixth sense had told me that the plan was not a good idea. I had known and had ignored my instinct, and now my friend suffered because of it. How was I ever going to be able to lead, to convince others to follow me, to believe in me -- how would I ever reunite a kingdom?
I tried to keep my face blank, impassive, as I kept my arms straight and taunt, but I knew Elrohir could see how much pain I was in. I turned my face away from him, blinking back outraged tears - outraged at *myself*, and only at myself, for having let this happened. 'All my fault,' I thought miserably, my mind unconsciously echoing Elrohir's thoughts before we had entered the small town. 'And what did you tell me?' A voice that had suddenly appeared in my thoughts nagged, sounding annoyingly like Elrohir. 'That it wasn't my fault. And it's not yours either.'
But this time, it was different, I thought stubbornly. It really *was* my fault. Krystal jerked away from Ada's touch again, pushing her shoulders up against my hands. Was this my punishment, I wondered wryly as I kept my arms straight keeping her in place, having to hold her down while she longed to get away? It was for her own good, I know...but I wasn't sure it was good for me.
My eyes began to glaze over and Ada caught my wandering gaze. "Elladan, focus." He urged his voice low but sharp, penetrating my thoughts. Pushing my personal misgivings and wrenching pain deep inside to mull over later, I let my face go slack and nodded automatically. "Yes, Ada."
Taking a glance down at Krystal's broken ankle and feverish thigh, I restrained from biting my lip, but made a silent vow. "I will make this up to you," I whispered feverently. "And nothing like this will *ever* happen again while I live or die," I vowed softly. "I swear."
Glancing up, I noticed no one heard my words and sent up a silent prayer that I would be able to hold to my vow. But with a piercing look, Ada brought me crashing down to the present.
"I need to look at the welts on her back.." he trailed off, his eyes racking over her thigh, pausing at the bandage he had newly applied. Sighing and shaking his head, he raised his eyes to mine. "Help me turn her over...*gently*." He stressed the last word and despite my impassive look, I bristled. *Of course* I would be gentle - what did he think I was, a barbarian?
"I know, Ada." I answered, sharper than I intended to. He look up evenly, mild surprise in his clear gray eyes and I saw my own face reflected in their depths. But something else I had never seen before stared down at me from my father's eyes, and I took a sudden, swift step backwards. I had never seen such a look of doubt and disappointment in my father's eyes before...and now he used that expression with me!
I could feel my heart physically aching in my chest at the knowledge that not only had I let a young maiden suffer so I could return home in comfort, I had now lost all trust my father had in my conscience.
"Do you, Elladan?" he asked swiftly, refusing to tear his eyes from mine. His voice was low, meant for my ears only as he spoke the words meaningfully. "Do you really?"
Fighting the compelling urge to flee, I forced myself to stare dully back. "Yes, Adar. I *do*."
Nodding back towards the girl, lying helplessly on the bed, his father challenged him, both in his eyes and in his words.
"Prove it." He challenged simply.
Something snapped inside of me, and I felt a sudden urge to let loose a reel of dwarfish curses I had acquired during my travels. How dare my father provoke me at a time when I was so...so....heartbroken?!
Leaning down over Krystal, I gently slide two fingers under her shoulder. Her eyes darted around underneath closed eyelids, and I felt something in my chest constrict. "Shh," I soothed softly. "It's alright. I've got you now."
------------
Elrohir's POV
I frowned, my feet rooted firmly to the spot where I stood, my back to the bed. My hands flew over the herbs and potions, and almost without conscious thought I mixed them to the right amounts, making extra healing solutions, and anything else I could think of without making an effort. I could feel Elladan's pain as he ignored the thoughts I sent to him, but I couldn't bear to turn around and watch them poke and prod at her..like...like...some sort of animal! She was in a pitiful position and it was even more so because *I* had put her there!
Elladan could convince himself that he held the fault of anything, and I knew it. And, to give due where it is due, sometimes it *was* his fault. Like the time he shot me in the foot during target pratice. The idea. Or the time he told Aragorn that if you climbed to the highest tree in the forest, to the highest branch, you could see the dark spiders of Mirkwood. Of course the little boy attempted, and upon falling, broke his leg. That, I was willing to admit, was his fault.
But there had been times when it *wasn't* his fault, and it took me days to convince him of that. Days. Like the time we found Arathon dead, and the rangers attacked...and the tiny babe, clutched in Gilraen's trembling arms. How could that have been his fault? I thought roughly. It made no sense!
But Elladan convinced himself it was his fault and nothing I could say would change his mind. Adar had to step in. I would never know what he had said to him, but something had changed in Elladan and he gradually accepted the fact that he could not do everything about everything. He had actually recovered quiet well from that, I reasoned logically.
But then there...then there was Celebrian, there was my mother. And my mothers last days in Middle Earth..I suppressed a shudder and my eyes shut briefly. That's truly what was bothering me, I realized with a start. This scene was all too familiar...Elladan, hovering over the bed assisting Ada as they bustled anxiously, a girl, a women, lying in pitiful pain..and myself in this exact same position, mixing an herb, an elixir I thought could possible save my mother..but they had failed, I had failed..
My hands froze where they were and my body stiffened as a wave of memories washed over me. I had been standing in this exact stop...and so had my brother, so had my father, doing this exact thing when my mother had cried out for help, from unseen enemies, shadows prowling at her mind...I fought to return to the present, I fought against the painful memories that had held me captive for so long...but they were stronger than me and I knew it. Closing my eyes tightly, I gave myself up to the surge of emotions, clutching my heart and pulling me deep inside...
~*~*~*~
Celebrian clutched the silken blankets wrapped around her snugly, her face contorted in utter pain, her eyes shut tightly. And still, she was beautiful. Her silver-blonde hair spilled down over her shoulders, and though her face was furrowed as she fought shadow, it still retained it's lovely look of wisdom and smiles. Sun, for sorrow, would not show her smiling face, and rain drummed on the windows in a staccato pattern, but the weak light still highlighted a hallow over my mother's dear face. Ada hovered over her, muttering an incantation, his voice so low and weary with exhaustion, I prayed Illuvator would be able to hear him. On the left side of the bed, Elladan stroked her cheek soothingly, and as Ada's words continued, she began to tremble violently. Nana bit her lip so hard, tiny rivulets of blood appeared quickly on her lovely lips. Beneath the sheets, her body was marred and discolored, but the most predominant change in her appearance was the bandage on her forehead. Blood seeped out in a tantalizingly slow manner of the life-changing injury, and I was filled with a surge of hatred, of rage, of pure, blind anger. They would pay for what they did to my mother...they would pay if it was the last thing I ever did.
I stood with my back towards her, my face towards the window as my hands flew over the nameless potions and sweet smelling herbs. I tensed stiffly as my mother cried out in pain, and I heard Ada stifle a cry. "Oh, melam nin, Amin hiraetha... Amin hiraetha." A wave of dread passed over me. "Ada," I gasped as I turned haltingly around, where my father had a steady stream of tears pouring down his face, and he looked as though he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders as he took a reluctant step back from my mother's bed. I glanced at Elladan's stony face, at the guarded wall behind his eyes and heard a crushing sound. I only realized later it was my heart breaking in half.
I glanced at the bed, terrified I would see my mother lying in eternal sleep. But her chest was rising and falling steadily, her eyes shut peacefully. She was still living!
"Ada, will she be..?" I let my statement hang in midair as my father turned away from me, towards the window. His arms hung defeated at his side and as I watched, a lone tear fell from his cheek and splattered on the floor.
~*~*~*~
I reeled back violently as if struck, as the startling pain of the memory hit me squarely in the gut. I stumbled backwards for a moment in shock, gasping for breath as I shook my head determinedly. No! My mind screamed out in panic. I overcame this feeling, I moved on! I froze, dropping the vial of clear liquid I had unconsciously concocted. It dropped to the floor and shattered, breaking the uneasy tension in the room with a bang.
----
Aragorn's POV
I eyed both of my brother's with rapt attention. My eyes lingered on Elladan for a long moment. His face was tight with pain and anger and a flashing of emotions that I couldn't hope to comprehend. He seemed to be in great pain, but he at least had himself in check. I had barely begun to study the weary lines in my father's face with bewilderment - surely, with sons such as my brothers and I, he would be used to infection and injuries? Why did this incident seem to tire and pain him so?
My head snapped around as a shattering of glass shoved me violently out of my thoughts and my eyes latched on Elrohir. The elf was staggering as if someone had punched him stomach, his eyes wide and body shaking violently. I sprung out of my seat in worry, catching him under the arms before he fell to the floor.
"Elrohir?!" I asked in horror, my eyes wide with shock. He shook his head suddenly, and just as quickly as he had stumbled, he straightened himself. His eyes were wide as if he couldn't believe he had lost control so quickly, and he fumbled over his words. "Aragorn-- I -- Nana -- Ella ---" He shook his head and stepped out of my arms, embarrassed, and I notice his eyes pause on Legolas as they darted around the room.
"Elrohir?" I repeated quickly. "Are you *alright*?"
He nodded quickly and his eyes finally locked on mine. "It's just...oh, Nana.." his eyes glazed off again, and Elrond and Elladan, who had stopped whatever it was they were doing to stare in shock at Elrohir, sent each other a look of understanding. Elladan quickly strode over from his position on the bed and grasped Elrohir's arm firmly, pulling him towards him in a comforting embrace, blinking back the tears in his own eyes as he clutched his brother tightly.
I stepped back, understanding they were relating in a way I would never be able to relate to. They had been through so much together, and had passed through it all successfully. Would I ever be able to be so triumphant?
I eased slowly back into my seat, my hands clutching the chair tightly as I watched them. Elladan seemed to understand exactly what had ailed his brother. Legolas leaned over towards me and nodded at Elrond. The half elf continued to apply soothing healing lotion to the bloody welts on Krystal's back, but his attention was obviously on his sons. When he opened his mouth, his voice was tight, as if battling back tears. "My sons," he whispered horsely. Both of his biological sons looked up at him with tears in their eyes and for a moment, all three of them shared the same thought - Everything will be okay. Slight smiles played at all of their lips before both sons charged at their father and hugged him fiercly, pressing themselves as close to him as possible.
"It'll be okay," Elrond muttered swiftly, his voice quiet with sorrow and understanding. "Oh, boys. It'll be okay."
I didn't understand what was going on, what had caused my family such pain, until Legolas caught my eye. "Celebrian," he breathed and my eyes closed lightly with understanding. Celebrian, Silver Queen, Wife of Elrond, Mother of Elladan and Elrohir...a loss so great I knew it was still a painful memory, haunting their dreams.
But they had managed to pull through, I reassured myself as the family in front of me broke up and went back to their respective jobs. Krystal would be okay now, I knew, as I saw Elrond nod with satisfaction. Glancing at the tense faces around me, I only had left to wonder if we would be.
I pushed up from the chair and walked to the window, my eyes gazing over the early morning light as the sun broke in all it's glory on Rivendell. Elves were beginning to move about, ready for a full day and yet I had never felt more boggled down and exhausted. My family, Legolas included, was going to be alright, I knew. Krystal would manage, but whether she would forgive us all remained to be seen. Now, I had to deal with myself.
In the back of my mind, guilt plagued me. Guilt and doubt.
I was supposed to reunite a country, a people, convince thousands that I was strong enough to lead them to victory, to prosperity, and peace. And yet, how was I supposed to do this if I myself didn't believe it?
I was given one job, one responsibility. To make sure one vulnerable girl -- never mind thousands of people -- one girl made it safe and alive through the wilderness. I don't care that it was Elrohir who came up with the plan, or that it was Elladan who was given the official responsibility. I don't give a damn that Legolas, as a Prince, has moral responsibility to protect her since he was originally the one who found her and she was found in his kingdom. She was my friend, and I considered myself to be hers. As a friend, I should have known better than to leave her there! I saw for myself the cruelty in Annore's gaze, I *knew*, some sixth sense had told me that the plan was not a good idea. I had known and had ignored my instinct, and now my friend suffered because of it. How was I ever going to be able to lead, to convince others to follow me, to believe in me -- how would I ever reunite a kingdom?