©March 2003

DISCLAIMER: Esca: Not mine. Duh. Plot: MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I Need

By Youjibaracuda

~*~FIFTEEN~*~

Van walked briskly down the hallway Ivan had claimed to see Irishiko go down.

Whether she was ready or not, Van deserved an explanation and he planned to get one before they landed back in Asturia.

Van spotted her just then, inside a room to his left, sitting there sharpening her sword in hypnotic motions.

"Hitomi?"

She paused but didn't look up.

Van walked to her and stood over her confrontationally.

"Hitomi, I want to know what's going on," Van said to her.

"There's nothing going on, Van," she said, calmly wiping her sword and sheathing it.

Van was aghast. "Nothing?!" he exclaimed.

She stood up, tossing her loose brown hair over her shoulder and tried to walk past him.

He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him roughly.

"Are you just going to pretend like nothing happened?" he said with barely veiled anger. "Damn it, I don't see you in over ten years and then you just expect me to make believe everything's the way it was before?!"
She refused to meet his gaze, her hair shadowing her face.

"I want answers Hitomi," Van demanded, slightly shaking her, "I want to know why you've been lying to me."

Her head snapped up, anger in her green eyes. She wrenched herself free from his grasp.

"You want answers, I'll give them to you. But don't you ever call me a liar again," she growled.

She turned toward the door grabbing Van by the wrist and dragged him out behind her.

His surprise allowed her to lead him about the ship until they walked into the room he shared with Ero. The latter had been laying down, staring at the ceiling when they came in but stood up as soon as the other two walked in.

The brown haired woman let go of Van and moved to close the door behind her. She turned to face the stunned men before her.

"I only want to say this once, so I want both of you to pay attention. There's only about two other people in the world that know what I'm about to tell you," she told them.

Ero, momentarily forgetting earlier events, spoke up out of concern, "Are you alright, Iri-sama?"

"Not at the moment, Ero," she responded, shaking her head from side to side. "But it can't be helped."

Her features had calmed considerably but her posture was one of someone that carried a heavy load. She heaved a deep sigh, not really sure that she was ready to say all that she had to say, but knowing that now she had no choice. She owed it to them, especially Van, to hear the truth.

Ero watched her as she stood before them, the tense silence in the room eating away at him, but he couldn't bring himself to break it.

Thankfully, at that moment, she began to speak.

"I don't know where to even begin with all of this," she said, bringing her hand to her forehead and dropped her eyes downward in hopes of finding some kind of way out. Her eyes caught on the handle of her sword, and she slowly pulled it out, turning it in her hand, the familiar feel a bit of a comfort.

"You know, I never used to understand why people fought," she said softly, "I knew that fighting accomplished nothing but suffering and pain. I had learned about how they destroyed and brought more problems than it solved. That was why the War of Fate was so hard for me."

She turned the sword, watching as the metal caught the light, almost as if it was winking at her.

"In my world, that was the way things worked," she said, "But here on Gaea things are different. Here, fighting is survival. It's a way of life. A way of life that I took up for myself because it was the only thing that made me feel in control."

She raised the sword parallel to her face, catching her reflection in the blade. Her brown hair was down, framing her face, her green eyes holding for a moment the spark of the past.

"I never would have thought my life would have gone the way it has," she whispered lightly, as if talking to herself, "To be perfectly honest, I never wanted it to be this way."

She let her hand drop, as if the weight of the situation were too much for her. "I never wanted to leave who I was behind. The only person I ever wanted to be was Hitomi Kanzaki."

~*~

Ero looked to Irishiko with confusion in his eyes. What was she talking about? She left who she was behind? She was Hitomi Kanzaki? Ero looked to Van with a confused look, hoping that the king understood better than he had. But he found Van to be looking straight at Irishiko, an ironic sort of sadness crossing his features.

Hitomi.

The name registered in Ero's memory bank. He knew that name. He'd heard it for the first time when he was nine when his nurse told him the story of the War of Fate. How King Van Fanel and Hitomi Kanzaki of the Mystic Moon had saved Gaea from the destruction brought by Zaibach's evil emperor. The stories that went around told of the brave king, out to avenge his kingdom with the help of the girl with mysterious powers to see the future and past, and of those like Sir Allen Schezar, Princess Millerna and even Dryden Fassa who helped in the struggle.

But Ero swallowed hard when he remembered a part of the story that was not often told: the story of the love between the Dragon King and the Seeress. The girl had gone back to Mystic Moon after the war, leaving her love behind and never to be heard from again. So if Irishiko was Hitomi…

Ero dropped down on the bed behind him, his mouth slightly agape as pieces of an unknown puzzle began to fall into place. He blinked several times in bewilderment as he lifted his eyes to look at the woman before him.

"You…" he swallowed hard, "You're Hitomi?"

Her green eyes locked with his, a sad message of regret within their depths, as she knelt down before him and lightly touched his hand.

He knew the answer. And he was also slowly coming to realize what it meant. It meant that she had always gazed up at the Mystic Moon, not with wonder, but with a sadness of something left behind. She avoided Fanelia because of something that happened between herself and Van. She had shared a bond with Van that Ero couldn't begin to understand. It meant that the woman he was in love with was not someone he could ever aspire to. She had been claimed long ago.

He nodded slowly and stood up, making his way to the door.

It was her turn to be surprised. "Where are you going?"

He turned back to look at her sadly. "I've heard all I need to know," he told her. When she was about to protest, he spoke again, "Your past is none of my business. I know all that I need to."

He gave her a smile that broke her heart. "I also think that the both of you have things that you'd rather discuss in private," he said, "I'll come around again when we've landed."

With that he exited the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

~*~

Hitomi moved to sit on the bed where Ero had just been, closing her eyes. God, she had hurt him. She had read the hurt and the defeat in his grey eyes as they looked at her.

Why was it that all she could do was bring pain to those she cared about?

She was trying to hold her emotions in check, using methods she had nearly perfected long ago.

"I didn't want to pretend like nothing had changed, Van," she said to him in a shaky voice, "I'm not saying that I wish it hadn't happened…well, now it has and I just…I don't even know what to say to you."

She dropped her head in her hands, unable to face him for a moment longer and realizing that all her feeble attempts of controlling herself were doing no good.

Van, who had up to this point had been determined to remain firm, at the sight of her distress felt his heart go out to her. His features softened, and he sat down beside her, draping an arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

She moved to wrap around his neck, clinging to him as if for dear life, trying to calm herself down. She had forgotten how much she needed him, how he was her lifeline.

"It's okay, Hitomi," he said softly into her dark hair, "But I just want to know why."

"Why what, Van?"

"Why wasn't I good enough for you?" he asked hesitantly.

She pulled away from him immediately, looking into his face alarmed. "Don't you dare ever think that, Van Fanel. You're a great deal too good for me," she told him firmly.

"But if that's true, why was it that you didn't come back with me to Gaea?" Van asked with a slight twinge of bitterness. "It was obviously possible for you to do it."

"I told you why I couldn't marry you right then. Remember?"

Van nodded.

"I asked you to just wait about a year and then…

"I told you why I couldn't do that either," Van countered.

Her eyes grew cold as she dropped her arms from around him. "You're a king, Van. You have the power to have certain things done your way. Your father did. Why couldn't you?"

She turned away from him. "You're all the same, every one of you," she mumbled angrily.

"Don't say that Hitomi, you don't have the right. You have no idea what it means to be in my position," Van said to her, becoming annoyed by her narrow-mindedness.

Hitomi closed her eyes and brought her hands to cover her face, letting a frustrated growl escape her throat. "We've been through this before! I don't want to have the same argument over and over with you, Van!"

Van sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. Why was it so hard to have a decent conversation about this topic with her?

For a brief moment there was silence between them.

"You still haven't told me how it is you're here or why you didn't tell me about it," Van said with a resigned sort of voice.

"How I got here isn't really important," she answered quietly, "To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure how I managed it."

She let her eyes wander around the small room. "But there's only one way for you to understand why I did what I've done," she continued. Hitomi turned her head to look at Van. "I'm sure that you're not going to like hearing it any more than I like telling it. But it's the only way you'll understand."

With that, she began her tale.

~*~

TBC…

Baracuda here. Okay, I'm sorry this took so long to come out, but I had wanted to post 15 and 16 together, but 16 is becoming way to long and I'm not nearly done finishing it, so I thought I'd post this to hold you guys over. ^_^

Thanks for still being here!

--Youjibaracuda

"Every revolution carries within it the seeds of its own destruction."