Disclaimer: The usual

Spoilers: BtVS Chosen, AtS thru Just Rewards

True Nature

Chapter 3

"I'm not telling you where the amulet is." Wesley replied calmly. "Are you really willing to kill me over it?"

Angel dragged him to his feet. "You're protecting this son of a bitch? Even though you know what he did?"

Several members of Wesley's department, drawn by the noise, had gathered around the door. Someone had apparently notified the other members of the AI team, because Fred, Lorne, and Gunn were pushing their way to the front of the crowd.

"Angel?" Fred gasped. "What.." Spike cut her off. "Back off, Sweetness. He's lookin' for the amulet and if Wes won't give it up, you're next." Then he stepped forward.

"Whatever I did, Wes had nothing to do with it. So back off."

Angel finally released Wesley and turned to face Spike. "Maybe not. But he knew about it." He bent down and picked up Wesley's copy of Nature of the Beast from where it had fallen on the carpet. "Didn't he?"

Spike closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm sorry. Sorry you had to find out about it that way. Sorry it hurt you. But you know what? It's between me and her. And she forgave me. So, I don't really see how you sendin' me off to the great beyond is gonna fix anything."

"You tried to rape her!"

"Yes. I did. And I was wrong. And she stopped me. And I did everything I could to make amends. And she forgave me. And you don't get to choose whether or not I deserve to die for that." He looked Angel up and down. "I'm not making excuses, but you weren't there. You don't know what it was like, what she was like. I wasn't trying to hurt her. It was just that we were both so fucked up and things got so crazy that I didn't know which way was up anymore and I lost it. But when she stopped me, when I realized what I'd almost done." He paused as his voice broke. "I knew things had to change and since it didn't look like she was planning to, I decided it would have to be me." He turned to go, but he left Angel with a parting shot. "You always say you love her, but did you ever love her enough to change your nature?"

*******************

"Rupert, it's Wesley."

"Yes, I got the book. Thank you. It's been very..enlightening."

"Well, yes. I do believe Angel has gleaned some new information from it already."

"Rupert, the reason I'm calling is that we have a very unusual situation here."

"Yes, I realize that we do sort of specialize in unusual situations."

"Well, it seems that a few weeks after your last battle in Sunnydale, someone sent Angel a package. And when he opened it, an amulet fell out."

"Yes, he said it was the one he gave her."

"Yes, we know that. We don't know how it got here or who sent it."

"Well, you see, when it fell out, there was a mystical energy trapped inside that was released and with it was, um..." He looked at Spike.

Spike smirked and leaned toward the phone. Wes rolled his eyes and held the receiver out to him. Spike put his mouth close to the mouthpiece and smiled.

"Hey, Watcher. I'm back."

Even without his vampire hearing, Spike was pretty sure he would have heard the thump signaling the Watcher's body hitting the floor in Cleveland.

********************

Tow days later

Spike paced back and forth in the lobby. "I can't believe you poncy gits didn't tell her I was..."

"For the last time, Spike, it wasn't my decision."

"She hates it when people keep things from her. She's gonna be right brassed off when she walks in here and finds out you two tricked her into coming here."

"We're not keeping things from her. Rupert just didn't quite know how to break it to her."

"Well, she's still not gonna be..." He broke off when he heard the arrival of the elevator. He stopped pacing and, in a sudden display of fear, hid behind Wesley and faded out to near invisibility.

The doors slid open to reveal the blonde haired Slayer and her former Watcher. As they stepped out into the lobby, Wesley stepped forward to greet them, with Spike staying close behind him.

"Rupert, Buffy. Welcome to Wolfram and Hart."

"Thank you, Wesley." Giles shook his outstretched hand as he attempted, surreptitiously, to look about for the bleached vampire. Wesley noticed his look and subtly indicated Spike's location with his eyes. Giles arched his eyebrow but said nothing.

"Hi, Wesley." Buffy looked slightly uncomfortable. "Giles said you had something here that you needed to show me that had to do with the fight we had against the First."

"Yes." Wesley held up the amulet. Buffy gasped and stepped back.

"Whe...Where did you get that?"

"It was delivered to Angel by mail."

Buffy's eyes welled up and her eyebrows drew closer together. "How? It was buried in the Hellmouth. Spike was wearing it when..." She broke off, unable to speak anymore.

"Yes, that's what Angel told us. But, the most extraordinary thing has occurred." He looked over his shoulder at Spike

Spike stood up straight and fully materialized. "Hello, Buffy."

Buffy stared at Spike, as tears slid down her cheeks. "Spike?"

"Yeah, it's me, pet."

She stepped toward him and put her hand to his cheek, only to pull back as if burned when her hand went through his cheek.

As soon as Spike saw the look of horror on her face, he knew exactly what she was thinking. "It's really me, Buffy. I'm not the First. I'm a ghost, or some such rot. I am non-corporeal, but I'm not the bloody First Evil."

Wesley leaped to Spike's defense. "It's true, Buffy. We've had Spike here since June, running tests on him and the amulet. We know he's a ghost, but he's an unusual ghost, in that he has no ectoplasm, but he has brain waves and he generates a certain amount of heat energy. We don't know exactly what he is, or why he's here, but he isn't the First."

Buffy looked at them all skeptically, then turned to Giles. "You don't seem very surprised. Did you know about this?" Her tone was flat, always a bad sign.

Giles nodded. "Now, before you get upset, I wasn't trying to keep this from you, or protect you because I didn't think you could handle it. I just didn't know how to tell you. I thought it would just be best if I brought you here and let you see for yourself that he was here."

Buffy shook her head. This was all so overwhelming. She was feeling so many emotions: joy, relief, anger, shock, surprise, fear, and, yes, love. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. When she opened her eyes, she gazed into the beautiful, blue eyes that had haunted her dreams for months. She smiled and he smiled back.

Suddenly, something Wesley said set off bells in her head. "Wait a minute. You said, he's been here since June. Why didn't someone call me before now? Didn't you think I would want to know that he was here?"

She looked at Spike. "Didn't you want to talk to me? Didn't you want to let me know that you weren't dead, or you know, really dead? Didn't it occur to you that I might be grieving over you, that I might be happy to know that I could stop mourning you?" During her rant, her skin had become flushed and her eyes flashed in a way that all three males recognized as dangerous.

Wesley reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Buffy, Spike did want to call you. But, we didn't know exactly where you were, until Rupert sent me that book, we couldn't find you."

Buffy scoffed. "What are you talking about? Of course you knew where I was. I've been keeping in touch with..." Her gaze shifted to a spot behind Spike and Giles. "Angel."

"Hello, Buffy."

*******************

Giles, Wesley, and Spike watched in silent amusement as Buffy paced in front of Angel's desk, which Angel sat behind.

"So, let me get this straight. You decided that since I was 'happy' and finally 'free' that I didn't need to know that Spike was back? That he wasn't actually dust?" She paused and looked at Angel.

Angel nodded silently.

"And even though I told you that Spike was in my heart, and that he was good and that he had a soul; and even though Spike told you that he wanted to talk to me, you still decided it was in my best interest to keep me in the dark about his sudden reappearance?"

Angel nodded again.

Buffy stopped pacing and stood in front of Angel's desk. "Who decided that you and I could never have a future together?"

"I did."

"That's right. You did. You ended it, and you told me to find someone else. You said we were through, and when you did, you gave up the right to decide whom I can and can't be with. And even if we were still together, you would still not have the right to tell me whom I can and cannot see and talk to.

She turned and flounced out of the office. The other men followed her. Spike and Wesley silently directed her to Spike's suite of rooms. They moved to the rooms, where Buffy collapsed onto the couch and promptly burst into tears.

Giles and Wesley looked helplessly at each other, then at her. Spike rolled his eyes. "Oi, you gits. If you don't know what to do, then get out. Go find her a non-fat frozen yogurt or a grande latte and come back in about half an hour."

The men looked at Spike gratefully and left quickly. Buffy watched them go and started laughing through her tears. Spike looked at her with concern for a minute, then he, too, started to laugh.

"Th-they couldn't get out of here fast enough, c-could they?" Buffy giggled.

"No. Don't know why tears frighten some blokes so much, but they do."

"Oh, Spike. This day has just been so..."

"I know, luv. I know. My first day back was a bit like that. Only I kept popping in and out."

"What? Why?"

"Well, we don't know. It kind of comes and goes. Odd thing is, it tends to be when I'm thinking or talking about my soul, the last fight with the First, or when Angel's being a right bastard."

"So, do you think it's like a defense mechanism? Like when you get all Big Bad to hide your 'William' side?"

"I dunno. But..."

"What?"

"Well, when I pop out, it feels like I'm in..."

"Where?"

"Hell."

"Oh, Spike, no." Buffy reached out to put her arms around him, but they passed right through him. She burst into tears again.

Spike brushed his lips across her hair. "It's okay, luv. It's the thought that counts."

Buffy leaned back against the back of the couch. "I'm so sorry, Spike. If I had known that this would happen, I never would have given you the amulet."

"Now, none of that. We knew it was dangerous. That's why Angel wouldn't let you wear it in the first place, right?"

She nodded.

"Well, someone had to wear it. I'm glad it wasn't you. And, bloody hell, what if it had been Peaches? What if he had been the one haunting us?" He shuddered.

Buffy giggled. She relaxed a little more against the back of the couch and leaned toward where Spike sat. She couldn't feel him, but she could sense his essence. And she felt safe and protected, sort of like that night, months earlier, when he'd found her after they'd sent her away from the house.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "If I doze off, wake me when they come back with my food."

Spike smiled and gave his assent. Then he sat back and watched the woman he loved drift off to sleep, in his room, on his couch. He wondered if maybe this was Heaven after all.

TBC