The next day, Harry woke up with Parvati by his side. He looked at her in surprise at first, but then remembered that he had invited her up the night before. He smiled at her and she smiled back, and they were at it again. (Don't worry, they used protection!) Dean and Seamus sneaked out of the room, thinking they didn't want to see that. Ron was still fast asleep, a lit joint on his bedside table. But he soon woke up to moans and screams of 'Oh, Harry! Harry!' he just took his joint and went down to the common room. Neville woke up soon after Ron.

'Fo shizzle, Harry.' He said and went downstairs. Once Harry and Parvati were done, they quickly got dressed and went downstairs. There, Ron and Hermione were having a fight.

'Hermione, you're white!' Ron screamed, a joint in hand (when is he ever without a joint?).

'Hey! I'm white chocolate!' Hermione screamed. Some thrid years that were watching started to snicker.

'You all best shut yo mouth befo I bust a cap in yo ass!' Hermione screamed to the thrid years. They quickly shut up and left to breakfast. 'Dat's what I thought motha fuckas!'

'Hermione, like I said, you're white!' Ron went on. 'You can't use words like that!'

'You're white too! N you be smokin a joint!'

'So! Weed is fer everybody!' Ron said, taking another puff.

'Fuck you, bitch!' Hermione screamed and ran out the portrait hole.

'Whatever.' Ron said, and sat down to smoke in peace.

'Ron, you are so fucked up.' Harry said sitting down opposite Ron. Lavender and Parvati sat down on his lap.

'Holy shit, I'm stoned.' Ron stated, laughing his ass off.

'You're some crazy mother fucka, Ron. Hermione can beat your ass so bad.'

'Whatever.'

'C'mon ladies.' Harry said, putting his arms around Lavender and Parvati's waists'. They both giggled and went down to breakfast with him. There, Harry was joined by a Ginny, Gryffindor 7th year, and a Slytherin girl named Deborah in Harry's year. They all sat around Harry, admiring him. Hermione was sitting with Malfoy at the Slytherin table. They had gotten to be friends now that Hermione is a bad-ass sexy-momma gangsta.

'Why the fuck is all them girls round Harry?' she said to Malfoy. 'Shit, you hotta den him! But I ain't gonna go wit him, I'm Tyrone's girl.'

'I bet Harry's put a spell on them.' Malfoy suggested. He still talked like his normal british self.

'Boy, I can work a wand betta than all y'all! I think I would know a fuckin spell when I saw one!' Hermione told Malfoy. 'Naw, they all just desperate.'

'Is Tyrone a muggle?' Malfoy said, changing the subject.

'Yeah, so? He's lovin's betta than any boy hir.'

'Even mine?' Malfoy said, raising an eyebrow suductivly. Hermione looked Malfoy up and down and smiled. They ran to the Slytherin common room and started to have a little fun. Then, Dumbledore got up to talk to the students.

'Everybody, I would like to pronounce a preformance. Neville would like to present his newest hit, Potions are Gay.' Neville stepped up wearing baggy jeans that would've showed half his ass had he not been wearing silk boxers that said Ne-villian on the back. He was also wearing a baggy white undershirt.

'Wassup bitches!' Neville began. He began to rap about how much he hated Potions. There were lines such as 'If I can't do the magic just stick the wand up his ass-ic! No need fo Potions, alls you needs the wand motions!' and 'Potions are gay, that's what we all say! Potions are gay, we just wish they'd go away!' It ended in Snape taking 150 points away from Gryffindor but Dumbledore, who enjoyed to song so much, gave Ne-villian 500 points.

'Yo, Harry!' Ne-villian the bad-ass ghetto rappa said. 'Can I have some of yo bitches?'

'Ne-villian, you're good and all, but not that good.' Harry said, and moved away with his bitches.

**Meanwhile, with Hermione and Malfoy**

'So what are you gonna tell Tyrone?' Malfoy asked Hermione as they took a break.

'What he doesn't know can't hurt him.' Hermione answered seductively. Malfoy took this as an entrance line and started making out with her.

**Meanwhile, with Ron**

Ron is, as usual, smoking a joint. But right now he's doing something he doesn't usually do. He's thinking about something real.

'I don't know why I got mad at Hermione.' he said, smoke emitting from his mouth with every word. 'She is white chocolate! And she gave me my first joint! I'm gonna go make it up to her right now!' So he left to go find gangsta Hermione. He got as far as the Great Hall (he started in the Entrance Hall) when he forgot what he was doing, so he went to the Gryffindor Common Room. There, he saw Harry with his bitches and Neville who was rapping about how he wanted a bitch.

'I can do your body good, treat it like it should, betta den Oliver Wood...' this line got the attention of about two of the girls. They went over to Neville and started hanging all over him. 'Damn straight.'

'Hey, Harry.' Ron the pothead said to Harry the pimp.

'Hey, Ron.' Harry the pimp said to Ron the pothead. 'Are you smoking again?'

'Do you want some too?' Ron asked, holding out a bag of weed. 'I've started my own plant!'

'No thanks, Ron. I don't smoke.' Harry said defiantly. All the girls immediantly started cooing about how brave and smart Harry was. 'Besides, how am I supposed to conquer Voldemort if I'm high all the time?' Everyone shuddered except Ron, who forgot who Voldemort was.

'You know, Harry,' Ron began, 'You're a pussy.'

'No Ron, I'm not.' Harry said calmly, 'But I got plently.' All the girls started laughing at Harry's joke.

**Meanwhile with Snape**

'My plan is working!' he said to his reflection (he's looking in the mirror). 'Now that Harry's a pimp I'll be able to take away all of Gryffindor's points and Slytherin will win the House Cup once again!'

'Why hello, Severus,' Dumbledore said as he walked in. 'I just couldn't help overhearing your conversation with yourself as I was doing my hourly role of eavesdropping. And just to let you know, because of budget cuts, there will be no House Cup this year.'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'