Flowers. They were blood red roses, probably the only things that were the same on Gaea as they were on Earth.

She held a bit of soft petals in her hand, fingering their softness for a little while. Then she let them fall to the ground, the wind picking them up in mid air and swirling them around the small and nearly obscure grave.

Had she been thinking clearly, she would have appreciated the greatness of Van's heart to even allow her to bury Mohku Korin Maeo at all. After all, it was the same man who had not only married the love of his life, but in his madness kidnapped the Queen of Fanelia.

But she wasn't thinking clearly.

She wasn't even really thinking.

She wasn't doing much of anything.

She was just…existing.

And that was the real truth. She was alive but she did couldn't actually be called 'living'.

There were no tears in her eyes. Those had been shed long ago by someone who she no longer was. There was nothing else. She couldn't even feel the emptiness. She wasn't Hitomi, she wasn't Irishiko, she wasn't anyone anymore. How could she possibly feel, possibly be anyone if she was empty?

The sun set on that horrifically eventful day, but to her it had seemed to have lasted an eternity.

She turned without a word, she allowed Sezarina to lead her back to the castle to the secluded room she had asked for, to continue existing by herself.

All I Need

By Youjibaracuda

~*~Twenty~*~

Sezarina liked to be in control of things.

As soon as Irishiko had walked out of that dark room, Sezarina found a sheet to cover up the body with.

"I want a burial for him," she quietly informed Van, who had a dazed look on his face and therefore didn't present an argument.

They had gotten out of there and made their way back to the castle discreetly. The queen promptly saw to taking care of Irishiko, who had not uttered a word to anyone. Meanwhile, Van gave the rest of his companions places to rest and then proceeded to arrange a meeting with his council as soon as they awoke.

The castle awoke to find their queen once again with them, and there was much rejoicing among those who had known of her disappearance. Soon afterwards, Van set out to retrieve his children, leaving Sezarina in charge of all that she wanted to do.

The queen took care of Mohku's burial in a small plot of land towards the outskirts of the city, at his widow's request.

Irishiko had only spoken to Sezarina briefly once they had gotten into the castle, requesting a black mourning dress. After that, Irishiko had stayed in the small room she had asked for in an obscure part of the castle (the location of which she had asked to be kept private since she desired no visitors).

Later in the day, Sezarina went to look for Irishiko to take her to her husband's grave.

There had been no explanations.

It wasn't the time for them.

~*~

"Mommy!" Varie jumped from her father's arms to rush to her mother, followed closely by her brothers.

Sezarina let the tears run down her face as she held her children, thanking God for allowing her to be with them once again.

Van stood back and watched as they pelted her with excited questions, making her laugh and cry all at once. Merle came to stand beside him.

"I'm glad it's all over," she said turning to his with a smile. "You must be so relieved!"

Van merely nodded and said nothing.

Merle frowned. "What, Van? What's the matter with you? You've been acting weird since you came to get us this morning."

"Nothing, Merle, everything's fine," he answered automatically.

Merle held back a growl. He was keeping something from her, and she knew it. And she hated it.

She grabbed his arms and dragged him into a nearby empty room and shut the door.

"I hate it when you keep things from me, but I hate it even more when you lie to me, Van Fanel," she told him angrily, hands at her hips, "We've been friends for too long for me to deserve that! Now tell me what the hell's the matter with you!"

Van sighed and dropped down into a nearby chair covering his face with his hands and letting out a frustrated growl. He was too tired, too emotionally drained to deal with Merle right now, but she was right. She didn't deserve to be lied to.

But he couldn't go into it right now. Not when he wasn't even sure of what was really going on.

"You're right, Merle. There's a lot more to this than what I've told you, but I have to talk first with Sezarina and then see if I can sort it all out myself."

He met he gaze, pleading with his eyes for her to let this go for a while. "But when everything's settled, I'll tell you everything, I promise."

Merle looked hesitant to accept those terms, but she could do nothing more than nod.

~*~

"We need to talk," Van said softly to Sezarina one day later that week.

His wife looked up at him and nodded, letting him lead her into a private room. He closed the door while she sat down in a nearby chair, placing her hands gingerly on her lap.

Van paced a little in front of her, unsure how to start the conversation. He had vowed to always be honest with Sezarina, his love for her as a member of his family not letting him keep secrets from her. But how could he possibly explain to her what had happened while she had been held prisoner?

"I've been wondering how long you would wait before telling me," Sezarina answered him.

Van raised an eyebrow at her, an uncomfortable knot forming in his stomach.

"Tell you what?"

Sezarina kept her light green eyes unwavering while she answered in a surprisingly smooth tone. "That the woman who saved my life is Hitomi Kanzaki."

Van felt his jaw drop. He didn't expect for Sezarina to know anything about that.

His wife smiled seeing his astonishment. "Van, I'm not an idiot, I can figure things out, even before she told me herself," she explained.

She motioned for him to sit beside her to which he complied. She took his hands in hers and spoke softly.

"I know this must have been so hard for you. I'm so sorry about how things turned out with Hitomi and everything else and I'm sorry for the part I played in it," she told him.

"Sezarina, it wasn't your fault," Van interrupted her. "If anything I should apologize to you."

Van looked down at their hands, wondering how it was that he propelled himself this far in trouble. How could he explain what happened?

"Van," Sezarina said with a small smile, "I've told you this before. You love Hitomi. I know she's the only one that can make you truly happy. I want you to be happy, Van, please don't concern yourself over me."

Van sighed. Sometimes Sezarina could be as stubborn as…well, as Hitomi. "Please don't say that Sezarina. I am concerned about you. Whatever else we are, you are part of my family. I can't be selfish about this because it isn't right and it isn't fair to anyone. It isn't fair to you or to her."

Sezarina nodded and let go of his hands.

"Have you talked to her?" she asked him after a moment.

"No," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on. "I haven't really seen her since she arrived."

Sezarina's eyebrows shot up in question. "Really? Well, that's surprising," she mumbled. "I guess she'll talk when she's ready to talk. Poor girl's been through so much."

"You have no idea," Van agreed.

"Actually, I do have a general idea," Sezarina said. "I talked to that man named Ero."

Now it was Van's turn to be surprised. "Oh, did you?"

She nodded. "I talked to him before he left."

"What?! Ero left? When?" Van asked, alarmed.

"He left very early yesterday. The day before that, Hitomi had me deliver a letter to him. Then he asked for some supplies and he left. He said he had told you…"

Van shook his head. "He didn't. She probably told him not to tell me. He still has to follow her orders. He didn't mention when he was coming back?"

Sezarina thought for a moment. "I think so. He wasn't specific, he just said he'd be back when she asked for him. I assume that means she'll be in contact with him."

Van nodded slowly. Things were bad and they weren't getting any better. There was too much being hidden, too much he didn't know, and no one coming forward with any answers. He didn't like it in the least but there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

It was enough to drive him insane.

He sighed and Sezarina pulled his head down onto her shoulder, softly running a hand through his hair, willing him to relax.

"Don't worry, Van. Things will sort themselves out, you'll see," she whispered to him quietly, like she would anyone of her children.

Van closed his eyes for a moment, trying to stop the racing thoughts that clouded his mind.

But he instinctively felt that he was being watched.

He lifted his head from his wife's shoulder and looked to the door.

There she stood, in the black velvet dress given to her by Sezarina that made her skin look extremely pale and her green eyes stand out.

"I have a story to tell you," she said simply.

~*~

She sat facing the window, her hands folded neatly in her lap, her back strait. Her long hair was picked up in small tendrils that cascaded down her back.

Her face was blank, her eyes so heart-wrenchingly hollow it twisted Van's heart, even after everything that had happened.

It wasn't fair that her life would have turned out so horribly.

"Mohku Korin Maeo was a good man," she began, her voice coolly detached and slightly hoarse. "Probably one of the best men I've ever known."

She took a shaky breath.

"He was born in Zaibach, to a family of reputable decent. His father was actually Fanelian, a swordsmaster. He taught his son as much as he could before his death. Mohku, being an only child, looked after his mother until her death some years later. It was around that time that the Zaibach government recruited him into the special division of their military."

Her eyes gazed off into the distance outside the window, feeling like she was traveling over space and time, back to the place that Emperor Donkirk had created. She remembered what it was like to be in that horrible place: the stale smell, the iron and electricity. The complete lack of nature.

She couldn't believe the sound of her own voice continuing out of it's own will, spilling forth details as if it had been programmed to do so.

"Mohku was part of a special group that was working with the sorcerers. He went of his free will at first, until he realized what they were doing there: human experimentation. When he tried to escape, they held him captive, forcing the tests, the experiments. They wanted to know how to alter someone's fate. How to make a normally passive person into an aggressive military force; with the ability for strategy where there had once been none; taking existing fighting instincts and having them honed to precision."

Her voice then hardened. "They were experimenting to try to separate the warrior from the pacifist. They worked on manipulating a person's 'fate'. In reality what they were doing was trying to create the perfect army of programmed soldiers. Mohku was put through it unwillingly.  He was turned into another person, someone who went by the name Korin. Korin was manipulative and scheming, the ideal warrior. But the program still had any flaws. Korin and Mohku were two different people dwelling in the same body, switching back and forth when it was necessary. It was working out just fine for a couple of months before things started to fall apart. Korin and Mohku would fight for constant control, making him a very unstable person, over all. The sorcerers watched him and took the information, finding ways to perfect the process, realizing it would be easier with subjects that were younger. Eventually, they believed to have perfected the procedure. Dillandou Albatou was believed to be their greatest success."

She paused here for a minute, not daring to look back at Van, but knowing instinctively that he was controlling his temper as best he could. She was certain the subject of the man who destroyed Fanelia was still a touchy subject.

The world outside was creeping into late afternoon. The sun was slowly descending signaling the coming of night. She felt herself to be suddenly distant and detached.

"Mohku was given treatment in Zaibach that was supposed to reverse the effects of the procedure and then he was let go. Somehow, he got himself to Freid where he received additional help from the monks there. After about two years of struggle, he finally found himself free of Korin. It was all no more than a bad nightmare.

"While in Freid Mohku met Dryden who recommended he move to Asturia and start his life over. Mohku took his advice and lived a simple life in the rural parts of that country, content with simply being able to be himself.

"The War of Fate came and went with very little effect upon him. More time passed, and he was happy."

She stopped here, the sun was now directly before her, burning with an orange light so bright that it made her eyes burn and tears well up in them.

"One evening, someone came to his door. A woman of about twenty, with sad eyes and dark hair. She asked for a place to stay, and he didn't have the heart to turn her away. She'd learnt from Dryden that Mohku was had been a swordsmaster and she wanted him to teach her. He reluctantly agreed and their friendship commenced."

She closed her eyes for a moment, letting a solitary tear slip down her cheek as she steeled herself against the pain of the memory of those times. She'd tried to heal her broken heart, she'd tried to move on with her life, fully devote herself to someone who she'd come to deeply respect and had allowed herself to care for. She would have given anything to go back to those times, where her life seemed to be coming together with a renewed sense of purpose.

She took a steadying breath and pressed on, knowing that if she stopped now, she'd never tell them what they were in every right to know.

"Eventually," she continued, "They grew closer and cared deeply for each other. So deeply, in fact, that marriage was spoken of. Knowing that she couldn't very well marry him without telling him about her past, she made him privy to her life story to which he responded with his own. "The wedding proceeded as planned, with little but a few close friends in attendance, but they were happy.

"They moved back to Zaibach, where there had been considerable improvements since the war, hoping to establish a family there. But they realized that the political corruption that had spread throughout Gaea was bringing nothing but suffering to others. The authorities were not doing their part. They couldn't. it was too much. So, along with the aid of some friends who had similar goals for a better Gaea, Mohku and Irishiko established the Akarui Kon."

She stopped for a moment, letting it sink in, feeling the weight of her words as a tangible force in the room, seeming to want to enclose her. She was grateful that her audience had kept quiet until now. She wouldn't have been able to handle it otherwise.

"Less than a year later, a son was born to Mohku," she said, her voice softening at the memory. "A darling little boy named Ehli, who had locks of gold and eyes to match. He was the dearest thing in the world to everyone who knew him."

Her throat constricted painfully around the next words. "Five years later, in Basram, some tried to put an end to the Akan by setting a fire at the inn they were supposedly staying in. But they were only successful in taking innocent lives…Ehli's among them."

"It broke his family," she plunged on, ignoring her tears, knowing that if she stopped, she wouldn't be able to control herself enough to finish with the most painful part. "What Irishiko hadn't known……what I hadn't known then is just how badly it affected Mohku.

"He'd been having problems of late with a resurfacing of Korin within him. After the death of his only son, he snapped completely. Korin was completely against everything that the Akan stood for, and quickly sought to end their work. That's how the feud began. No one knew about Mohku's condition and I never disclosed it until now."

Suddenly, there was no air. She was going to suffocate if she didn't get out of there right at that moment.

She stood up abruptly, startling her stunned audience.

She didn't remember even moving across the room when she heard Sezarina call after her just as she walked out the door.

~*~

TBC…

B/N: *looks around* Whoa. Escaflowne. It seems like it's been forever since I've even wandered in this section of ff.n and for that I apologize. I didn't mean to go MIA for so long. And for those of you that are still reading this: you are true fans. Rock on. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you'd stick with me even after I neglected you in the most horrible manner (and just gave you the crappiest chapter known to mankind). I've been busy with other things lately, such as school and the fact that I have become a complete Alias junkie. David Anders is just soooo hot, I can't help it. =^_^= season three!!! Yey!! And I've been writing fanfiction for that too (shameless plug: ).

As for this story, never fear! I've been given a deadline which is under the penalty of death and/or losing best-friend-status, so this will be done by Thanksgiving. That's a promise set in stone.

So for now, laugh, watch anime and rock on.

Cheers.

--Youjibaracuda

"It will be extremely difficult, sire."

"Try ruling the world sometime."

--The Princess Bride