Oct. 2003

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Escaflowne. Yes, yes, I'm devastated too.

All I Need

By Youjibaracuda

~*~Twenty One~*~

'Hitomi.'

Silence.

'Hitomi, please, talk to me,' Van implored, hoping that she would respond to his mental calling. He'd been trying to get her to talk to him for the past three days, ever since she had told them the story of her husband.

Truthfully, he was having inner turmoil about the whole thing. And even though there were holes in that story he could fly Escaflowne through, he'd somehow resigned himself to the fact that there was simply no way that he would ever be able to understand just what it took for her to go through all of the things that happened in her life.

All he wanted right now, was to make sure she would be alright.

'Hitomi! Don't shut me out, please,' he was nearly begging her.

'Stop it, Van,' her voice replied harshly.

'No, I won't stop. Not until we finish working all of this out' Van insisted. 'I won't go away, Hitomi. You aren't alright. Let me help you.'

There was a bitter sounding chuckle as a response to this. 'Is that a fact?'

'Yes,' he answered firmly.

Then he was suddenly pulled away from his reality, having his surroundings disappear only to be replaced by a seemingly endless black nothing.

He looked around, struggling to see anything other than utter darkness. There was something solid beneath his feet, but he dared not take a step, unknowing of what might lay beyond.

"Hitomi?" he felt his voice carry off into the distance.

Just give up, Van. Her voice was coming from all around him, echoing in the shadows.

"I'm not about to just give up on you!" he shouted, not sure where to direct the comment.

Go away.

"No."

"You can't seem to take a hint."

Van whirled around to the voice that had spoken behind him.

There she was, dressed completely in black so that she practically blended in with the background. Her dark hair fell around her, her face extremely pale and her green eyes dull. Her face was a completely blank mask.

Van started towards her, "Hitomi, listen to me."

"Don't call me that," she voice, cold and detached, stopped him. "I'm sure that you can see that I am not Hitomi."

Van raised an eyebrow at this, and let his mind begin to whirl. Then, as if the person in front of his had explained it all to him, he understood. This wasn't Hitomi. It wasn't even Irishiko. This woman before him was another part of that same mind.

This was the person that was evolving from the pain and the loss, one who had yet to take on a new identity.

"I want to see Hitomi," Van demanded of her.

She laughed mirthlessly at him. "What you ask is impossible," she said, her eyes piercing through him.

"Why?" Van demanded, his jaw clenched.

"Because she doesn't want to see you," the woman before him said simply.

Van's eyes narrowed. This wasn't right. Hitomi needed him, of that he was sure.

"Don't lie to me," he spat, "And it doesn't matter what you say, I will talk with her."

She stared back at him from those vacant eyes. He almost couldn't stand it. They were so empty, so lost and lonely, they undid his anger and he was left with nothing but pity.

His surroundings began to change, the pitch black fading into a sort of grayness. He looked around for something to hold on to as he felt his balance slipping.

Eventually, ground solidified beneath him, the grayness becoming a log cabin, cold and damp, still and dark.

He looked around and the woman he'd been talking to was gone.

Just as he was about to speak up, there was a sharp scratching sound from the corner of the room and a small light came from the lit match.

A small candle was lit, and placed on a table he hadn't seen before.

"Why can't you just let it go, Van?" the person who lit the candle asked. It was her voice again. But Van sensed this wasn't Hitomi either.

He was right as she turned to face him, the light playing on her features: Irishiko.

He recognized the clothes, the face, the exposed scar across her forehead.

He eyes were different too, brighter, steady and piercing, but still with that haunted quality.

But Van recognized that Irishiko, unlike the woman he'd previously dealt with, was someone he could reason with.

"I can't let it go because I love her," he said.

"You loved her," she corrected gently. "Because she doesn't exist anymore. She hasn't existed in a long time."

Van shook his head. "No, I love her. I know she's still here. I feel her, everyday, in me, always sweet and caring. I can see her, in you. I know she's there. I want to talk to her."

He swallowed thickly. "I need her. And I know she needs me too."

Irishiko studied him for a minute, her green eyes flickering in the candlelight.

Van nearly panicked when she blew out the candle, ready to fight with whoever to get what he wanted.

But to his surprise, he hadn't been shut out of her mind.

Instead, he heard her creak open a door and Van realized they were now standing in a barn. Looking behind him, he was startled to find Escaflowne looming over him.

He looked to Irishiko, who stood beside the open door, revealing the world outside, rain pouring in hard sheets, thunder clapping in the heaven above. The city in the distance…he recognized it. Palas, Asturia.

"Wha--?" he began, but she stopped him.

"You want to find her," she said simply. She motioned to the open door. "Go, try. Maybe this time, Fate will be on your side."

Van looked out into the pouring rain, not understanding. He glanced back to ask Irishiko what she meant, but she was gone.

The rain was really pouring now, coming down in sheets that blurred the landscape. Somehow, this was all extremely familiar to him. He stepped out into the rain, the cold drops pelting his face. He winced suddenly, touching a tender spot on his cheek.

Maybe this time, Fate will be on your side.

It was all made clear then. He looked back at Escaflowne, just to make sure.

Yes, he remembered now.

He was in the past.

Or, at least, the version of the past that Hitomi had in her mind.

Van jogged down the road that lead towards the city, becoming completely soaked, but he didn't really take notice. He picked up speed as he got nearer to his destination.

He zig-zaged through the Palas streets, shadows being the only hint of other people. The rain was pouring harder, if possible.

Finally, he reached it, that dreadful bridge that to this day he couldn't stand to look at. He stopped abruptly about ten feet away from it, suddenly afraid to come any closer. But he'd come this far, he had to see it through to the end.

He walked carefully to the bridge, stopping at the steps leading up to it, and his heart wrenched painfully in his chest.

There she was, curled up in a tiny little ball, her shoulders shaking from the sobs.

He reached out for her tentatively, not really knowing what to do or say now that he'd actually found her.

"Hitomi?" he asked quietly, for a moment wondering if she'd heard him over the roar of the rain.

She seemed startled by his voice because her head suddenly snapped up to look at him, her short honey colored hair wet and matted to her forehead.

And Van then realized that she was wearing that uniform that he'd met her in. Looking her over quickly, he realized this was exactly the Hitomi he'd known fifteen years ago. Then he looked down at his own attire, the red shirt, the tan pants, and he knew he was also his awkward, gangly fifteen year old self.

This was in her mind. She was hurting, and this was where she was waiting, hoping like she always did that things would be okay.

He was determined to make everything right for her.

"Hitomi," he said gently, kneeling down in front of her.

"Van?" she asked hesitantly, as if she didn't believe he was actually there.

"Yeah, it's me," he told her, running his hands up and down her arms in a soothing motion.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her face wet from both the rain and her tears. Her features hardened a bit. "Shouldn't you be with your family?"

Van frowned at her. "I wanted to see you, Hitomi," he explained. "Why do you keep shutting me out?"

"I don't shut you out, Van," she said in a strangely hollow voice. "You walk away without a fight."

Van pulled back slightly, startled, much like when she'd slapped him.

"We talked for so long, Hitomi," he said in a tightly controlled voice. "All those years…why did you make me believe that you were still on the Mystic Moon? Why did you lie to me?"

She looked into his eyes, her features softening. "I thought it would be easier to let go if it happened subtly. I…" she stopped, looking down.

The rain fell between them, not as hard as before, but just steady.

"Irishiko wanted to move on," she continued, "She had moved on."

Her green eyes met his once again, nothing but complete honesty filling them.

"I tried. But I couldn't," she told him. "No matter how much I tried, Van, I couldn't bring myself to let you go."

A lump formed in his throat as he brought his hands to cup her face, gently stroking her cheeks.

"So, then you'll understand that I can't let you go either," he said roughly, "And that I don't want to. Ever."

He saw more tears form in her eyes as he leaned in and brushed his lips with hers softly, hesitantly pulling back.

"Let me keep on loving you. All of you," he pleaded. "You're all I need."

She smiled slightly at him as he leaned down again, kissing her gently, letting his actions make up for what he lacked in words.

The kiss deepened and she moved closer to him. He could taste the salt of her tears, could physically feel all the anguish she'd been feeling for so long and tried to do all he could to make her forget it, even for a just a minute.

His hands slid down to her waist and he hauled her up, his mouth still attached to hers. He let his passion take over and kissed her with abandon, wanting to keep her in his arms forever.

The rain diminished to a drizzle, the dark ominous clouds fading away, letting vestiges of the sunset come through.

They finally pulled apart, and Van held Hitomi in his arms, keeping her in a tight embrace. When he finally let her go, she was no longer a teenager, but a grown woman, tall and graceful, her dark hair wet still and falling around her shoulders.

This was who she was now, and there she remained, in his arms.

"I love you," he told her gently, noticing that he too had returned to his normal self. "Are you willing to accept that?"

She nodded, giving him a small smile. "I can. And I can also accept that I love you, too."

*~*

His surroundings came back into focus and Van realized he was laying on his bed in his room.

He sat up, a small smile on his face.

He knew it was going to take a lot of work, especially with his family, but somehow, Hitomi was going to be a real part of his life once again.

Now that he had her again, he decided, he wasn't about to let her go.

*~***~*

TBC…

A/N: Okay, don't hate me for another sucky chapter. Sorry. Whoa. Can you believe it's been a year since I started this? I can't either!! I am completely shocked. But the end is near!! *wipes away tear* I can't believe it. I love this story so much! It's pretty much the only thing keeping me anchored firmly in the Escaflowne fandom. O.O

Thank you to all of your truly wonderful readers that have stuck by me ever to faithfully. I couldn't have come this far without you.

CECE!!!! One more….

And the peasants rejoice.

--Youjibaracuda

"I'm not sure I'm quite familiar with that phrase."

"I'll explain. And I'll use small words so you're sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon."

---The Princess Bride