Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 1 – Interlude of Romance
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Author's Notes:
Hi. Just wanted to say here's the first part of the next chapter. I believe this is what many fan-fiction authors refer to as WAFF (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling). Chapter One will have lots of WAFF, if only to offset the really dark nature of the events surrounding the 13th angel. I am an author who believes in balance. I hope that I will achieve it in this chapter. Besides, this is a Shinji and Rei Fic, it has to have WAFF. I will move slowly with it. Believe me, you'll be quite… frustrated at the end of the chapter when you discover it didn't go anywhere near as far as it should in 80+ pages. But there will be plenty of light lime scented scenes to keep your interest if you like that sort of thing.
Remember, keep reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy it!
Thanks,
PitViper
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Chapter One: Where Angels Fear to Tread
"Ikari Shinji. People always had a belief that this individual human was 'Super' human. Yet, the Ikari Shinji I knew was always kind, gentle, and very human. Perhaps it was this humanity that I found so attractive, since I believed I lacked it in myself..."
-- Direct quote of Rei Ayanami, taken from
"A Rei of Light", the biography of Rei Ayanami.
by Asuka Langley Sohryu, Circa 2165. p263.
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Part One: Interlude of Romance
Her eyes had closed for the evening. But sleep would not come to young Ayanami Rei. Perhaps it was that this day had held revelations beyond her expectations. Perhaps it was the knowledge that despite everything she told Shinji, he still accepted her.
'Do I deserve his love still?' He had said that he loved her. Could he truly mean it? "I hate being alone." She said, looking at the ceiling of her new room. The new bed was doing its best to entice her to sleep, as her night clothes and light sheets caressed her body. But sleep would not come.
How could sleep come to such a being, a being like Ayanami Rei? Now, because of the massive changes in her environment, she was alone in an unfamiliar room; surrounded by unfamiliar things. Rei had never had things before; and, if when the sun rose in the morning they were all gone, she would never miss them. Well… perhaps she would miss the new white dress she and Misato had chosen – if only because it reminded her of Shinji's expression when he first wore it. Rei almost smiled with the memory of that moment, but the memory of the rest of the night disturbed her. Many people now knew her secrets.
Before this evening, the only people who truly knew about Rei were Commander Ikari, Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, and Doctor Akagi. Now, Misato-san, Shinji, Asuka, Hikari, and Kaji-san knew of her origins, and her painful secrets. 'And even they do not know them all.' Rei thought sadly to herself, longing for something to comfort her in these new surroundings.
Even the thought of the commander's glasses were of no comfort to the troubled First Child.
But, then again, did Rei really want to take comfort in that object? 'Commander Ikari's glasses - My reminder that he once did something that I appreciated.' She decided that she did not.
There was only one thing that would calm and satisfy the First Child. Fortunately for her, she was not the only one with a troubled mind.
She sensed his presence as he approached, and Rei's eyes darted to the door. 'Shinji-kun is outside that portal.' Her senses had been heightened this evening, and she had been stretching them outward more than normal. 'That is the reason I sensed him,' she thought to herself. She stepped from her bed onto the floor of the apartment. 'My floor is not cold. I am no longer cold.' She thought, meaning it both figuratively and literally.
She reached the door quickly. She waited several minutes as the Third Child decided what to do. When Rei finally felt him make up his mind, she put her hand on the door handle. Before Shinji could knock, she opened it to reveal his shocked face. With exhaustion looming over her mind, Rei thought: 'My face must not look much better.'
"I..." Shinji whispered, looking at the revealing clothes Ayanami had on. 'At least she is not naked.' "May I enter?"
"Always." Rei whispered in return. "I could not sleep." She stated, sensing his question on whether he had disturbed her sleep.
"Neither could I. But then I don't really sleep much." Shinji replied, after Ayanami had shut the door.
"The busy mind does not release the body to perform its nightly function." Rei said, looking at him. "We have been given too much to think about."
"It will tire us." Shinji said, his bleary eyes absorbing Ayanami's appearance in the pale light from the window. The moon was casting its glow softly into the chamber, highlighting Ayanami's natural appearance. "I had not realized how beautiful you really are, Rei-chan."
"You embarrass me." Rei said, blushing.
"I came to give you something." Shinji said, pulling the item from his pocket. "I... Bought it for you." He handed her the small box.
Ayanami slowly opened the small container. She gasped when she saw the small rose pendant on the delicate silver chain. Tears began to form in her eyes, again. "Crying is something I am doing all too often in your presence, Shin-chan." She whispered, a single tear flowing down her face before she could clamp down her emotions.
"I remember how good Misato's necklace looked on you. But the small cross was... not what I wanted to give to you. After tonight, though, I think you might have liked that better..."
"Is this how you see me, Shinji?" Rei asked softly, the trace of the tear wiped quickly away.
Shinji thought about it a moment. "You are like the white rose - delicate and beautiful. There are not enough roses in the world to match your beauty. You are kind, Ayanami. You are deserving of love. You are strong, when that is called for, and you make me feel warm."
"Roses have thorns, Shinji." Rei warned, 'I must try, for him. He deserves to make a choice other than myself'.
"And a bee may hide in the petals of any flower, your point?" Shinji asked mischievously.
She cupped his face, "There are still things you may not know about me." Her eyes became downcast, "I do not know them myself."
"One step at a time," Shinji encouraged. "I guess that I would be one to fall in love with an angel, eh?"
"A fallen angel, none the less," Rei said, thoughtfully.
Shinji looked at her, "Do you know that for certain?"
"No." Rei said. "I have no memory of what happened." She looked away, "But I feel pain."
"And that pain is because of something you did?" Shinji asked.
Rei responded. "I wished for death. I wished for it day in and day out. It became so that wish was the only thing I remembered."
"Do you still wish for death?" Shinji asked.
"Death is cold," she said. "I dislike cold. I do not want death when I am with you, because I am warm."
"You want something?" Shinji asked.
"To be one with you - body and soul." Rei said seductively.
Shinji looked at her sadly. "I cannot. I will not just yet, Rei."
"I know. For now I will settle for you helping to put this necklace on?" She said with a smile. She extricated the necklace from its container, and gently placed it in his open hand.
Shinji carefully lifted the delicate chain from his palm, finding the clasp quickly. When he looked up, he noticed that Ayanami had turned around, and had exposed her neck for him to place the small chain around.
He fumbled with the clasp for a few moments, then finally opened it, and gently slipped the chain around her front, bringing the back up to where he could again manipulate the clasp. Working in the dim moonlight, it took him a few tries to get the clasp once again attached to the other end of the chain.
After Shinji had accomplished the task, Ayanami turned to face him, her fingers tracing the outline of the small silver necklace. The First Child's eyes were still water-laden as she looked at him. "You have also bought something for Sohryu-san as well; have you not, Shin-chan?"
Shinji blinked a few times, then bowed his head, "I... yes."
"I do not mind, Shin-chan." She said, delicately lifting his chin with her finger. She stared into his eyes. "It is who you are. You are Shinji - that which I love. If you did not do this, you would not be you."
"I feel as though..." Shinji said, tears stinging his own eyes. "I... I betray you by doing that. But I cannot stand to see Sohryu hurt either. It... It is an apology for what I have done wrong, and the pain that I have and will cause her. And..." He looked into Ayanami's eyes.
"And... A declaration that you do care for her." Rei said, understanding completely. "Be her friend, Shin-chan. If you feel that you must be more than that to her, then do it. But do what you must do. Not what serves the best interests of others."
"I... I think that I love you both..." Shinji admitted.
"Truth." Rei stated.
Shinji shook his head, "That would hurt both of you. I cannot love both of you, but..."
"Humans each define this thing called love differently. Love is, to me Shin-chan, Absolute warmth. It is how I see it. Taken in that context, I love you. I love Commander Ikari. I love Hikari-kun. They are not different in my mind, other than their intensity. I feel warmth for Hikari-kun, because she has shown warmth to me. For that I am grateful to her, for she has taught me the importance and power of being human. A human cannot be alone. I cannot be alone. Therefore I am human, because I cannot be alone.
Rei sighed plaintively, "I love Commander Ikari because he made me feel warm. His warmth gave me purpose and strength to live. Yet his warmth was not truthful. He knows nothing of truth. Therefore his warmth was false. But I still love him, because he made me feel warm. His reason may have been incorrect, but the result was... love. Although I feel no respect for him anymore, I still love him as a father. For he was the only guardian I knew.
She displayed a small smile as she continued her oratory, "I love Ikari Shinji because he showed me truth. His warmth is truth. Shinji loves without limitation, shares warmth without hesitation." Rei smiled at Shinji. "He is my compliment. He is my completion. His warmth stirs me inside," She placed her hand on her stomach, then moved it to her heart, "My pulse beats for his touch, my mind aches for his words, my eyes search for his gaze, my soul wishes to become one with his. Without him, my heart aches, and my mind cannot be calm. I am quiet and bereft of solace, and I wish for the release of death. I am alone without him."
Shinji grasped her hand, and felt her pulse racing through it. "You're..."
"For you, Shin-chan. Because of you, I fear." She let her hand tremble in his.
"You are afraid, Ayanami?" She nodded in response. "Afraid of being alone?" Again a nod.
"Afraid of losing you." She stated almost as a whisper.
"D-Do you want me to stay?" Shinji said. "F-for tonight?"
'Forever,' she thought, but then decided to simply nod. "Hold me. It is all I ask... For tonight. I have nothing but memories… memories of being so alone, for so long."
She led him to her bed. He was already in a night shirt, and shorts, so did not have to worry about getting ready for bed. Similarly, Rei was already dressed for sleep -Overdressed, if her usual habits were to be taken into account. Still, for the sake of courtesy and common decency (In other words for Sohryu's continued sanity) she had adopted this change in behavior.
"Rei, I expected..." Shinji started. "I was nervous about..."
"You thought that I would be naked when you came to me?" Rei said, slightly grinning in the moonlight.
Shinji simply nodded.
"You did not appear to be looking away from me when I opened the door." Rei added.
"I-I..." Shinji stuttered, suddenly turning an appropriate shade of red.
"Did you hope that I would be so when you entered?"
"I would be a liar if I didn't say that I was expecting it." Shinji countered.
Rei nodded and accepted this. "Truth."
"I can give you nothing else." Shinji added.
Rei smiled, getting into the bed, holding his hand. "I appreciate nothing else more. But you lie to yourself in the process. You give me more than truth. Truth in its self is not warm. Nor is it cold. Truth is truth, it simply is. You give me warmth. Therefore you give me more than truth."
"People would argue that the truth is a cold thing. And others would argue that it is warm." Shinji said, being dragged towards the bed by Rei's grasp.
"People who argue such, who claim such, do not know truth." Rei stated. "Truth is more than that. It is what is. We are truth, Shin-chan." She looked at him, "For us that truth is a part of our warmth. Yet, for others, that truth would be colder than winter's breath upon bare skin."
"Nothing about us is cold, Rei-chan." Shinji said confidently.
"Perhaps to us." Rei whispered, "But to others..."
"Then the 'others' can go to hell." Shinji replied.
Rei frowned slightly, "And if your father was one of the 'others'?"
"Then double damn him." Shinji said with a slight grin. "He knows only how to hurt others. He does not know warmth, nor comfort, nor love. Things we have in abundance, Rei-chan."
"And you would not forgive him if he were to ask for such?" Rei asked flatly.
Shinji looked down. "I cannot help but to forgive him. He is my father. If he could ask that question, that would mean the man I just described no longer existed. I may be the only one who could truly forgive him in their heart of hearts, for he has much forgiveness to seek."
"Your father..." Rei said sadly, "He could never forgive himself. Perhaps that is why he avoids truth and insists upon his own." She finally succeeded in pulling Shinji close enough to her so that she could embrace him. "You are warm Shin-chan."
"I am alive." Shinji said with a smile, luxuriating in the warmth of the embrace.
Rei tightened the embrace, pulling herself closer to his body, so that she was enveloping more of him. "I like this feeling, Shin-chan."
"I-I do too..." Shinji said, being distracted by the touch of their bodies. "Perhaps... A little too much, Rei-chan."
"And you see a problem with that, Shin-chan?" Rei asked mischievously.
"I see only you." Shinji stated.
"Obvious." She replied. "But not unappreciated."
"Do not forget, I am a boy." Shinji said, beginning to sweat slightly.
"And I am a girl. Would you have it differently?" She looked into his eyes. "Perhaps you think I did not notice? Or is it uncomfortable?"
"You are comfortable, Rei-chan" Shinji replied. "I have said that before."
"I enjoy hearing it." Rei replied. "You are warm. I like this very much."
"You have said that before." Shinji practically giggled.
"Truth sometimes bears repeating." Rei replied.
"Do not be surprised, Rei-chan, that if you continue this particular quest, that I will respond in a very boy-like manner."
"You already have, if the pressure I feel is from where I believe it to be from." Rei responded, and giggled lightly as she watched Shinji blush deeply. "You do yourself injustice, Shinji. That response is most certainly not boy-like." The angelic sound continued as Shinji continued to blush.
"I do not believe this..." Shinji muttered.
"Perhaps that is why I repeat truth? To help you believe." Rei said, her breath tickling Shinji's nose.
"All Asuka would have to do, is see this one moment..." Shinji said, still smiling somehow - despite the thought that was occurring. "She would kill us."
"It is my apartment. Although she sleeps in the larger room, she is not the master of this domicile." Rei calmly stated, and suddenly pressed against Shinji even more.
"Definitely warm," Shinji smiled, his lips millimeters from hers.
"I wish..." Rei whispered very softly.
"Yes?" Shinji asked.
"A kiss," Rei's eyes burrowed into his.
Shinji continued to stare into Rei's eyes.
"A kiss - not the kind between simple friends," Rei again stated.
"Ayanami, do you know what you are asking me?" Shinji said.
Rei nodded, fear beginning to build in her eyes. "I do not take this... lightly, Shin-chan."
"I wish a kiss as well, Rei-chan. But I am afraid." Shinji stated.
"Afraid?" Rei queried.
"Of hurting you. I always hurt..." His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden pressure against his lips, gentle but insistent. He struggled for a few seconds, then finally relaxed. However, Ayanami's insistence did not end, as she deepened the kiss, exploring the boundary of his lips with her tongue.
Shinji, overwhelmed by the experience, parted his lips slightly, as Ayanami's tongue sought entrance. His own tongue began its probe of the intruder into its sanctum. Ayanami's eyes lit up with mirth. She ended the kiss slowly, withdrawing the tongue back into her mouth, and slowly separating their lips. Shinji's eyes were closed.
"Pleasant." She mused almost wistfully.
"Um...hum..." Shinji agreed, his eyes still closed.
"You should not be afraid of us. If I had not wished it, then you would have been wrong to seek it. But I did want it, and so did you. Where there is consent, there is no wrong, Shin-chan." Ayanami explained. 'And where there is love, there is no sin.' She thought to herself. Her tired eyes blinked once, slowly. Shinji's eyes repeated the same motion.
"I think I can sleep now…" They both said in synchronicity. Shinji responded by chuckling lightly, while Rei blinked several more times – each time keeping her eyes closed a little longer.
"Goodnight, Rei-chan," Shinji said to his companion.
"Sleep well, Ikari Shinji-kun." Rei responded with a tired whisper. After a night of using the Third Child's first name, she felt that this was an appropriate way to respond.
In the warmth of their mutual embrace, the First and Third Children found a comfort they had never known. Tomorrow, life would bring them a step closer to their destiny. For tonight, they were two souls sharing each other's warmth and company – both wishing that the night would never end.
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Author's Notes:
This is a very short Part 1. The first reason: I wanted to wrap up one of the unresolved issues in the last chapter, and have a transitional lead in to this one. The second: I couldn't wait until the end of the week to post the first part. Shame on me, I lied…
Rei [Looks at author with narrowed eyes]: You lied. It was not truth. You said you would post it on the 26th.
Author [Glances at button to bring up heat shield from the stage]: Um…
Rei [Eyes narrow further]: That would not help you.
Author [Cringes, expecting to be splattered by Ayanami's AT Field]: Oops.
Rei [Eyes return to normal, and blinks several times.]: Do not do it again. Please continue.
Author [Breaths sigh of relief]: Ok…
Well, what do you think? [Author pulls out insulin shot] I hope that I haven't pushed these two too far too fast. I think that it would not be impossible for Rei and Shinji to sleep together. (Not that kind of 'sleep' you hentais) Also, I think that this would probably make the best situation for a 'First Kiss', which is why I put it in there.
Next chapter begins the 'Syncro-training. Which won't really be syncro-training. ;-) And Shinji and Rei have their first fight. Yes – fight. No matter how much the gentleman Shinji is, or how quiet and reserved Rei is, sooner rather than later, they are both going to admit things to each other that the other isn't going to want to hear. Trust me, it won't be that bad.
Well, It's getting late, and I need some Taco Bell. Border Run time…
Keep reading and reviewing.
Later,
P.V.
PS. The authors notes are as close to a Self Insert as I am ever going to get. Promise! :-)