Ch. 4: Love Again?
Weeks went by and Maria was still trying to find a train that would take her away. She didn't want to go to Austria exactly, but she wanted to go and find her family. Michael and Maria had developed a very good friendship that both were grateful for. Michael had fallen in love with Maria the second he bumped into her. Maria however was a bit weary of the falling in love business. It had been four months since Georg died and she still loved him madly and longed for him. In her mind she could never love someone as much as that again.
Time kept passing by and Maria began to become even more determined to find the children she had promised she would come back to. If she found them she would have a place to go and live and her life would again have purpose. The other reason was because she could tell Michael was falling in love with her. If she learned anything with Georg it was to read expressions. It was unlike with Georg, however because she did not want Michael to fall in love with her. Maria never really wanted to marry anyone now. She felt in a way she was married to Georg, even if he was no longer on Earth. She just could not be unfaithful to him. The problem Maria had though was that she was nice to everyone. Her genuine goodness seemed to make everyone fall for her. To Maria's apparent disgust she finally found her self accepting the invitation of a date with Michael.
"Maria I know it must be hard for you because you lost your fiancé, but you can't just be miserable your whole life long." Michael told her at dinner.
"I guess you are right. I am sorry it is just so hard. Maybe I just need time." Maria told him.
"That's okay, you are worth it." He smiled down at Maria. Maria did not know what to think. Sure they had become great friends, but did she really want to date him? The funny thing was she had never been on a date in her life, unless you call that night at the Gazebo with Georg a date. She never even really had a boyfriend…only a fiancé. All this was running through her mind. She bid Michael goodnight and went to her room to stare at the picture of Georg she had.
It being about eight months now since she left Austria, Michael was still courting her. She began to long to be in love again. She thought, 'maybe if I try, I would fall in love again'. Maria wondered if this was how Georg had felt after Agathe passed away. Did he feel he was being unfaithful and that he could never love again just like she was now? Or was it different with men? After eight months of pure unhappiness Maria concluded that Georg would want her to be happy, and if that meant falling in love again, so be it.
Maria and Michael began to date. They would usually go on walks around Switzerland or out to lunch. It felt wonderful to Maria to just be enjoying life again. Part of her heart though was missing the children. She missed them dearly and she wished she could find them. Michael and Maria would talk about everything, yet Maria had trouble talking about Georg with him. She just could not mention him because it hurt her heart too much.
"Maria, look at the sunset." Michael said while walking on the lake.
"It is beautiful." Maria answered.
"Well not as beautiful as you are." He said. Maria smiled and he brought his head closer to hers and kissed her. To Maria's disappointment she felt nothing. When she had kissed Georg for the first time she had felt weightless, like she was in heaven. This kiss was…well she did not know what it was. As the two of them became closer and fell more in love she hoped she would feel something by his touch. Still to her it was more like he was just a really good friend.
Maria came to the conclusion that the love Georg and Her had for one another must have been unique kind of love. She decided this is what it must feel like for other people, other than what her and Georg felt like when they were in love. Maria accepted this and began to believe she loved Michael.
One night Michael took Maria to the lake where they had met. He gave her a gift wrapped in paper.
"What is it?" Maria asked.
"Well open it up and see." Michael grinned anxiously awaiting her reaction. Maria opened it and found a new journal with nice white pages in it. "Do you like it? I got you a new one because I noticed I ruined the last page in your old one."
"Oh Michael I love it!" Maria cried giving him a hug. "It is wonderful!"
"I also have something else to ask you." Michael said in a nervous tone. Maria sensed the change in mood and sat down on the bench.
"Yes, what do you want to ask?" Maria said.
"Well I umm…well" He began.
"Yes?" Asked Maria. She did not mean to sound impatient, but inwardly she was panicking. Michael got some courage and bent down on his knees on the green grass.
"Maria, you have become the love of my life. I look up to you so much and you have taught me so much. I know that you are still suffering from your fiancés death, but I hope that I have made some of the hurt go away. I was wondering if you, Maria, would be my wife?" Michael asked pulling out a ring. He smiled lovingly, but nervously at her. Maria stared down at his blue glistening eyes.
She did not know what to say. What could she say? Maria was in utter disbelief. She never thought someone would ask her to marry him. Especially now after all that she had been through. There were two answers and Maria really did not know which one to say. She thought she loved him and he would certainly be a wonderful husband for her. Maria had been happy for the last few weeks as well. Well as happy as one can be with the death of the one person she loved the most in the world. That is what it came to. Could Maria possibly be happy with Michael after Georg? She might not be as happy with him as she would have been with Georg, but at least she might have a chance at being happy. These thought flew through Maria's mind as he waited patiently for her to reply. She realized he was waiting.
Maria prayed a quick prayer to Georg and asked him what she should do. Her conclusion was that whatever God and Georg wanted she would do. Maria closed her eyes and listened for a moment. Tears began to well in her eyes. Michael was nice and everything, but could she love him the way he deserved to be loved? There were wonderful similarities the two of them shared. Michael was one year older than her. They both loved children. Both of them had similar interests like hiking, reading and theater. Maria did not know what her answer would be, yet her mouth moved as she began to make one of the biggest decisions of her young life.