A/N: Chapter three, sorry if it sucks, but I don't feel like typing, in fact the only reason I'm doing this now is because I have encouraging Marylin Manson music pumping in my ear. MmMmMm that's gooood.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artimis Fowl, Butler or Angeline Fowl. but the rest of the characters are mine . Oh yea, Eat or Die belongs to Johnen Vasquez aka: God.

Artimis Fowl: The Date From Hell

~ Fowl Manor ~

"Mother I said no!" Artimis whined loudly. Angeline Fowl was not amused "You will go out with that girl and you will enjoy it…or else."Angelin had a sinister/evil/intelligent/determind look in her eyes. "That girl is the daughter of a very important woman in the agricultural society, I need to be in good terms with these women." Angeline thought she had won, when realy all she had done was get Artimis pissed. "YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOU!" Artimis sobed…no wait, that's not manly. He…um…scratched himself…yea. Stupid muses. "That may be true Artimis, but I'm your mother therefor you do what I tell you too. HAH!" Hot damnd I make Angeline evil.

~ Eat Or Die ~

#How do I let myself get dragged into these things? # Arty was rite in the nick of time, his date however was late. (I rhyme!) Then suddenly she came, a vision in dark green and white, with golden tresses cascading down her back (I should write porno books.) "Oi, I hope you don't mind my being late, me and my boyfriend were snoging. My name's Serendipity, Serene for short."

Artimis: "You have a boyfriend?"

Serene: "Of coarse, don't you?"

Artimis: "Nooo…no I don't."

Serene: "Dude, you suck!"

Artimis: "Thank you?" (He no know slang.)

Serene: "Whatever, bring on the food, I'm starved!"

Artimis sat and stared in disbelief, Serene, had eaten, scratch that, inhaled all her food, and apparently, that wasn't enough because a few seconds after she was done (and still chewing) "You gonna eat that?" she didn't even wait for an answer before grabbing Artimis' plate and stuffing her face. Then, she left for the ladies room to…'Tinkle' #She is regurgitating her food up rite now, isn't she? # Artimis wondered # If I just leave, what's the worst that mother can do to me? Kick me out probably, but what's so bad about living on the streets anyway? #

Just then an old, drunk hobo swaggered in "'ey, you there! I have me some money here, I wanna buy me some food!" All the waiters came up to try and 'escort' him out, but in the end an old nun came in, thought he was possessed by the devil, and chased him down the street yelling: "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!"

Artimis stayed where he was. He was kind of hungry, so he ate some (loads of, really) garlic bread.

~ Later that night ~

"Aren't you going to give me a kiss then, luv?" Serene questioned. Arty sighed, might as well. They kissed, and completely against Artimis' will Serene added some tongue (girls, remember this, it's the only time a guy won't want a French kiss.) Then, quickly as it came, Serene backed away, "Ugh, your mouth tastes god awful! When was the last time you brushed your teeth you pig!?" And with those lovely last words, Serene left.

Artimis smiled, ah, the power of garlic bread. He went home.

Authors note: Did you know that TYPEWRITER is the longest word you can type with only one row of the keyboard? Thank you Claudia for the inspiration of this chapter.