Chapter Thirteen: The Letter
Hermione couldn't focus. The first couple months she had been at this Hogwarts had been a blast, but now she dreaded getting up every morning, having to face Sirius's groping and James's sad eyes and Lily's interrogation. It seemed like she never had a moment to gather her thoughts anymore. Hermione wished she could just disappear and leave the whole situation behind. Slamming her book in frustration, she knew that disappearing would be completely possible if only her Time Turner wasn't in the hands of two of the biggest prats in the history of Hogwarts. She groaned as she picked up the heavy book and walked down the aisles of shelves. Finding the correct one, she was returning the book when, through the empty gap in the bookshelf, she saw James walk into the library. Her heart stopped beating as she watched him stride straight to a table, sit down, and begin to write on a piece of parchment.
Hermione nervously looked over her shoulder, as if someone were to catch her spying. Upon observing that the library was all but abandoned, she turned her gaze back to the space between the lined up books.
James was absentmindedly running his hands through his tousled hair as he wrote vigorously on the parchment. Breathing irregularly, Hermione remembered how he did the same to her hair that incredible night in the kitchen. Little shivers ran up and down her spine at the memory.
As he was briskly writing, Hermione noticed a single tear fall down his cheek. But the expression on his face was one of anger as his quill tore into the parchment. He suddenly stood, crinkled the paper into a ball, threw it into the trashcan, and stormed out of the library.
Once he was gone, Hermione timidly emerged from her hiding spot and walked swiftly across the library to retrieve the wrinkled object of her curiosity. She felt slightly guilty about practically stalking him, but opened the parchment and started to read nevertheless. The words made her temporarily stop breathing:
Hera:
I have a big problem: I love you. The problem is that I can't fight it no matter how hard I try. You have strung me on and treated me like dirt for long enough. I can't deny how much I love you, yet at the same time I am starting to hate you for all you've done to me.
You make claims about your feelings that do not flow with your actions. You hang on Sirius like you'll die if you let go, and let him bully you around. You act in ways that are disadvantageous to yourself and those around you.
I can't stand you any more. Yes, I love you, but at the same time I wish that you had never come to Hogwarts.
James
Tears stung her eyes as she read the harsh note. The clincher was that she knew she deserved every word he had written. But still, she couldn't take him despising her so much. She dropped the letter and ran out of the library, sobbing.
Remus Lupin came forward from the corner where he had been standing unnoticed. He saw it all: Hermione spying, James' strange behavior, and Hermione's reaction to the letter. Inquisitively, he bent down, picked up the parchment, and started to read, a contemplative look on his face.
Hermione couldn't focus. The first couple months she had been at this Hogwarts had been a blast, but now she dreaded getting up every morning, having to face Sirius's groping and James's sad eyes and Lily's interrogation. It seemed like she never had a moment to gather her thoughts anymore. Hermione wished she could just disappear and leave the whole situation behind. Slamming her book in frustration, she knew that disappearing would be completely possible if only her Time Turner wasn't in the hands of two of the biggest prats in the history of Hogwarts. She groaned as she picked up the heavy book and walked down the aisles of shelves. Finding the correct one, she was returning the book when, through the empty gap in the bookshelf, she saw James walk into the library. Her heart stopped beating as she watched him stride straight to a table, sit down, and begin to write on a piece of parchment.
Hermione nervously looked over her shoulder, as if someone were to catch her spying. Upon observing that the library was all but abandoned, she turned her gaze back to the space between the lined up books.
James was absentmindedly running his hands through his tousled hair as he wrote vigorously on the parchment. Breathing irregularly, Hermione remembered how he did the same to her hair that incredible night in the kitchen. Little shivers ran up and down her spine at the memory.
As he was briskly writing, Hermione noticed a single tear fall down his cheek. But the expression on his face was one of anger as his quill tore into the parchment. He suddenly stood, crinkled the paper into a ball, threw it into the trashcan, and stormed out of the library.
Once he was gone, Hermione timidly emerged from her hiding spot and walked swiftly across the library to retrieve the wrinkled object of her curiosity. She felt slightly guilty about practically stalking him, but opened the parchment and started to read nevertheless. The words made her temporarily stop breathing:
Hera:
I have a big problem: I love you. The problem is that I can't fight it no matter how hard I try. You have strung me on and treated me like dirt for long enough. I can't deny how much I love you, yet at the same time I am starting to hate you for all you've done to me.
You make claims about your feelings that do not flow with your actions. You hang on Sirius like you'll die if you let go, and let him bully you around. You act in ways that are disadvantageous to yourself and those around you.
I can't stand you any more. Yes, I love you, but at the same time I wish that you had never come to Hogwarts.
James
Tears stung her eyes as she read the harsh note. The clincher was that she knew she deserved every word he had written. But still, she couldn't take him despising her so much. She dropped the letter and ran out of the library, sobbing.
Remus Lupin came forward from the corner where he had been standing unnoticed. He saw it all: Hermione spying, James' strange behavior, and Hermione's reaction to the letter. Inquisitively, he bent down, picked up the parchment, and started to read, a contemplative look on his face.