Author's Note: Minna-san! I'm back with the last chapter of You First Believed! I really want to cry since I never knew this fic would reach this long. I would like to thank all of you guys out there who supported me all the way. I really don't know how to repay your goodness. Anyway, this fic actually won't end here. There's still an epilogue coming up and I hope you guys will read it. Well, I guess you're all tired of my babbling. But before that I would like to thank all the reviewers for chap 8!!! I'm sorry if I can't give replies to you personally like before since I'm saving that for the epilogue. Lastly, I dedicate this chap to Insomniac-san or schlaflos (I'm encouragin you guys to read her One Winged Angel. It's really a good fic.), Rini-san, and Abby. These guys had been special to me in a way and if not for them I wouldn't have updated this chap yet. So guys, here's chapter 9!!! Read and enjoy!!!!
Disclaimer: As usual, Slam Dunk not mine. The song You First Believed and Forever's Not Enough was also borrowed and not mine...
You First Believed
by Lune RaVe
Chapter 9: You First Believed
Winter's stay had reached its peak. The traces of white and bitter cold are slowly fading away. Soon spring shall rise and as nature rises up again with newly found strength, the humans felt a single word that would describe this season, and that is Hope. Hope for a new beginning, a chance to fix every grueling memory that made the person's hearts numb, and a time to heal they say. A person's life they say is like the seasons and every season can mean a different thing for every individual. As for Sendoh, his life turned very much similar to the seasons but the only difference was that he never felt the creeping sensation of the coming Spring. For him, ever since his life reached its winter's point, it was never bound to turn again...What was done will remain as it is...But was there really no sign of hope? If only...If only he looked back, he might find...find that Spring has started to invade his heart again...slowly...and then soon...very soon...
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~Sendoh's POV~
The winter season is swiftly fading away in my eyes. They are leaving indeed to give way to the bright and warm sun, but as for me, the feeling it had brought still remains. Why didn't it leave together with winter? Maybe, I'm really bound to end this way; to have a lonely life, a heart wounded, and bleeding. I leant leisurely to the glass window in my room while swinging my legs to rest on the sill. It had been 3 long weeks since that incident in the gym and still I never received a reply or anything that would tell me how he would react. I guess he has forgotten about me. Of course, why would he still keep in mind someone who simply used and played with his feelings? I laugh bitterly to myself. I don't know what to do anymore...Sometimes I thought I just wanted...I just wanted to die...
I lifted my left hand to see a white bandage covering my wrist. I encircled my right hand carefully around it and stared at the white cloth blankly for a few seconds before turning my gaze back to the window. With my hand still holding my wrist, I remembered the time I really or actually dared to commit suicide. I never knew what came into me but I guess desperation called for it. Come to think of it, I was imagining during that time that maybe if I died, Kaede would take pity on me and visit me. Then I can see him again although I'm not alive any longer and I'm already one of the lonely spirits roaming the earth. It was just now that I realized how stupid I was to think of such. If only during that time Kosh didn't barge in my house and stopped me from hurting myself further, I would have been dead by now. He found me about 15 minutes after I did a cut to my left wrist which was already losing a lot of blood that it colored my bed in a deep shade of red. I was about to cut my other wrist as well when he came in and talked some sense into my foolish mind. Since then, he would always make a point to check on me and make sure I won't attempt to repeat killing myself again. Well, It was out of my idea already...I went back to reality only to find that it was snowing lightly. This would be the last snowfall for this winter and I thought to might as well enjoy it. I quickly got off the sill and after grabbing my coat; I left the house and strolled around for a walk.
The streets were no longer heavily covered in white but still there were a few traces of the snow shown by the pools of water present almost everywhere. I never attempted to avoid any that came along my way. I simply enjoyed the feeling no matter how uncomfortable it was and watched a few people in either envy or jealousy for experiencing such incomparable happiness. As I continued to let time pass, I still can't help but to think about the past incidents. To tell the truth, it's extremely hard for me to let go. I can't simply let Kaede slip away from my life that easy without me clearing up everything, despite keeping him, added more to my pain each day. I just love him too much I guess. Kaede was the only person I gave my whole life and heart too. If it was possible, I would even be willing to give him my life as well. I just can't simply let go. But what can I do if he doesn't want to have me near him anymore? I want to see him happy and if staying with him makes him feel bad then I would make sure never to show up again even if I'm the one who's taking up the entire ache. I don't care if I sound like a stupid martyr of love, what I know is that as long as I'm alive I'll always stay beside him and be here for him...even if he pushes me away...I'll still be here...forever...
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~Rukawa's POV~
3 long weeks that had been like 3 long years for me. I never had any contact with Akira anymore but according to my friends, he was somehow fine. They told me he was usually locked up in his house and did nothing but to stare and think. News even came to me about his attempted suicide and knowing such, I was shocked. I felt extremely bad for allowing Akira to feel such pain. No matter how I wanted to get to him and comfort him I simply can't. I have to wait. But waiting was the hardest especially when my feelings are ready to burst anytime soon. 3 more days I thought as I looked up at the calendar placed in a small area of the wall in this huge arena[1]. I knew I had hurt Akira a lot and I would do everything to make him feel better again. I want him to feel how sorry I am for every single pain and tears I have caused him. I will make sure to make this perfect and if by any chance I fail, I'd rather...I'd rather die as well...
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~Sendoh's POV~
I continued strolling downtown Kanagawa passing several people and places. I even happened to have stopped to a few places Kaede and I used to visit. Fatedly though, I had ended at the first place where we met, the basketball court. I stared at it longingly as memories came back to me...Memories I would never forget...
"Don't think that I'm a stalker or something… Ano… ijusthappentohavepassedbyhereandyousee—"
"Wanna play?"
"Huh? What did you say?"
" I said 'Wanna play', do'aho. I could see that's your purpose."
" Um… Gomen. Sure, why not."
"Whew. That was wearing but interesting."
"I haven't introduced myself, I'm Akira Sendoh. And you are?"
"You… don't know me?"
"I'm sorry, but I think I never met you before…"
"You…really…don't?"
"No."
"Sure?"
"…Yeah."
"You're an interesting person, you know."
"It was fun playing with you..."
"Ano… could we play some other time again?"
"In one condition."
"What condition?"
"Well, since you're really clueless of who I am, I want you to do a little researching…It's very simple. I'm giving you one week to know who I am, particularly my name. Next Saturday, we'll meet here again, same time as of today. If you know me already when we meet again, I can play one-on-one with you that Saturday and even every Saturday morning, promise. So?"
"What? D'you agree or not?! I rarely make this kind of promises."
"Wait. I agree."
"Good. It won't be hard, I swear. Just look around and you'll get to know me in no time. Just be sensitive."
"Next Saturday?!"
"Un. Next Saturday."
And that was the first time I met my beloved sapphire-eyed angel. Come to think of it, I never expected him to actually be my friend. I felt so lucky during that time that—"Sendoh-san..." I was interrupted from my thoughts when a soft and calm voice called my name from behind. I turned around to see the familiar figures of Kaede's teammates. One with eyes and hair the color of coffee while the other had a scar on his cheek. The figures names were respectively Kiminobu Kogure and Hisashi Mitsui. The bespectacled man addressed me once more.
"Sendoh-san." He said smiling softly.
"Hey there." I replied smiling a little.
"It's been quite long. Glad to see you're doing fine." The former MVP added.
I simply nodded as Kogure continued. "Ano...we're really glad to have met you along the way...Jitsu wa..." He paused and looked at me for a short time before turning to look at his feet finding it a little interesting. I wondered what was wrong with Shohoku's vice-captain cause somehow he seemed a little shy or should I say confused. "Yes?" I asked curiously.
"Here take this." Mitsui quickly covered up for his companion's silence whilst placing a small piece of paper in between my palms. I slowly opened my palm and there placed neatly was a small ticket. Reading the simple phrases written it said:
"Sunrise After a Storm: A Revival"
Kaede Rukawa in Concert
February 1, 2004—Saturday, at the Blue Eyez Stadium starting at 6:00 - 10:00 PM.
Seat no: 117
"A storm had once passed through my life and after conquering my inner being, it left taking away someone very special. Now, I stand here to sing for this lost angel. The whole song from lyrics, tune, and melody were all made from the deepest emotions kept in my heart. As I surmount the stage, I hope to see the sun rise again and revive my lost spirit. Come and share this moment with me...A time for me to fix and heal every wound I have felt and let the sun shine on my soul once more..." —Kaede Rukawa
It took me a long while just simply staring dumbfounded at the simple paper before everything seeped into my mind. I lifted my questioning gaze to my two companions. As if reading my thoughts Mitsui spoke. "I think it's about time you clear everything up. Rukawa's having a concert and the whole team agreed to take this opportunity for you two to try to talk and patch every scar of yesterday. As you can see, that's the main purpose of Rukawa's concert. If you're not there then it would seem that the concert would just turn out to be a big waste."
"As you can see, Rukawa really wants to start anew and we thought that it will never be impossible unless you guys fix the wounds of the past. This is your only chance Sendoh-san. Please don't waste it. Besides, we believe that you are really the right person for him. So please grant us of our simple request and come to the concert. Will you? Please?" Kogure asked.
I stared at the ticket first and reread the lines over and over again. After which I looked up to meet the awaiting eyes of my two companions. A few seconds of pure silence passed until finally I released a heavy sigh. "I'm afraid he won't be happy seeing me but for the sake of the both of us, I'll go."
Kogure and Mitsui's faces brightened up. "D'you promise that?"
I nodded whilst smiling gratefully. "I promise."
"We'll see you on Saturday then. Ja!" Kogure said bowing slightly before turning to his heels alongside Mitsui who was smiling gratefully at me. I smiled back at them and simply nodded my farewell. My eyes followed them as they strode farther and farther away from me. I could feel my heart flutter in gratitude for having given another chance to restore the things I've lost. My eyes widened in shock as I remembered I haven't thanked them yet for their kindness. I quickly called back to them, good thing they were not yet far much away. Both of them turned around in an instant. Smiling slightly, I shouted at the top of my lungs. "ARIGATO!!!"
Form far away I saw both of them smile gratefully. Kogure nodded while Mitsui did a thumbs-up and then they both disappeared from my view. Right then and there I wanted to thank the heavens for granting my one and only wish. Never in my life have I felt so much happy. Deep down in my heart, I know I can never repay the pleasant attitude those two people have brought me. I will make sure everything won't go to waste. I won't let this pass. I'll make sure to clear things up...I'll do everything Kaede...Everything just for you...
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~Normal POV~
A week had passed since Sendoh had that encounter with Kogure and Mitsui. Finally, after what seemed like years and not days of waiting, Saturday arrived. Entire Japan fussed over the upcoming concert. A lot of people roamed around the malls busy buying gifts they would give the young superstar and new clothes to show off. To cut it short, almost every person in Japan was excited for the upcoming presentation for after a lot of months of waiting, the star finally decided to hold another concert. It was exactly 6:00 Am in the morning and the Blue Eyez Stadium was already filled with Rukawa's crew and a few friends. Props were being set up and checked for any defects and Rukawa's costume designers and make-up artists were busy fussing over with last-minute problems.
"This outfit has a hole on the side! Who did this anyway? Hey you there! Get this fixed to the sewer at once! Hayaku! We have no more time to waste!" One guy shouted running back and forth in the backstage.
"One of the lights won't work! Quick get the mechanic!" Another said from the control room.
" Are you starting to prepare the props for the stage already? Quick! It takes at least 3 to 6 hours to get the stage fixed and people will sure be filling in as early as 3 PM! Hayaku!" Another man on the stage said shouting at the top of his lungs.
The whole stadium was in this situation when a young woman holding a clipboard by her arm entered. Beside her was a woman around 18, her hair the color of ebony was tied up neatly into a ponytail and she on the other hand carried a folder. They walked over to the stage and examined the scene carefully.
"My, my, what a big fuss do we have here indeed..."
The girl with her hair in a ponytail nodded. " I agree Leiko-san. But I'm very sure that no matter what happens, this concert will push through and nothing can stop Kaede. After all, it was him who wanted this concert in the first place.
Leiko smiled. "Knowing Kaede, I'm sure he won't allow anything, and I mean anything to interrupt his plans. It is for his life after all. Isn't it Ania?"
"Definitely. But there's some sort of a correction there manager. Not life but specifically, LOVELIFE."
"Oh, I see. Anyway, we need to get everything fixed up as soon as possible. Kaede will be coming over in a short while too." she said smiling knowingly at Ania. Taking the message, Ania left to meet up with the ace. "Yosh Minna-san! Let's all get to work!" Leiko said raising a fist in the air.
"HAI!!!"
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-8:00 AM-
Rukawa arrived 1hour late for the rehearsal, marking it at around 7:00 AM. As soon as his car came to view, Ania quickly pulled him out and dragged him to the dressing room. 1 hour was spent for practicing a few stunts and steps and a little props tryout. After a tiring 1 hour practice, Rukawa immediately proceeded to his dressing room and sat there alone staring at the ceiling blankly. He was so much engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the faint knocking in his door. Silence ensued after a few knocks and after a mere 15 seconds, they came again, this time a little louder than the first attempt. At this point Rukawa heard the knock and he quickly replied. "Who's there?"
"It's me Ania. Can I come in?"
"Sure."
The door creaked open to reveal Ania. She smiled a little at the sight of Kaede and after making her way into the room, she closed the door silently behind her. Leaning at the door she focused her gaze on the ace who was still staring blankly at the ceiling as if no one came in. Ania smiled slightly at how stupid her friend looked. She wanted to laugh but since she respected Kaede's private thoughts, she just remained quiet and waited for him to be the one to speak first. Rukawa on the other hand continued to think but something felt really wrong. He could feel holes boring into his back. Not used with so much attention and for the fact that someone was busily and happily watching him, he shifted his gaze from the ceiling to the cause of all this, someone that goes by the name Ania.
"What?! Stop staring at me, do'aho."
Ania laughed. "What's so bad about staring? There wasn't any rule stating you are not allowed to stare at someone thinking right?"
Rukawa grunted. "Shut up. Just go away."
"No way. I'm staying here."
"Get out."
"No."
"Why are you here anyway?"
"I just want to."
"Are you really trying my patience?"
"I guess so." Ania said grinning widely as she saw the vein in his
forehead ready to pop anytime soon. Ania laughed again heartedly as a pillow
was thrown to her direction. Unfortunately, the pillow missed her
oh-so-precious face. "C'mon Kaede. Chill out. I was just joking you. No
need to be hot. I just went here to check on you. I thought that maybe you
needed someone to talk to. Don't you?"
Rukawa glared at her. "Urusai."
Ania pouted cutely. "Aw, c'mon Kaede. I'm just concerned about you then this is what you repay me. How unlucky of me to have a friend like you who don't care at all." She faked a sob.
"Do'aho. Just get away from here. I don't need your help."
Ania stopped her fake crying and turned to look at Kaede. This time her face held a rather serious expression but still a ghost of a smile was present on her face. "C'mon Kaede. I'm already serious here. I'm really here to help you."
"And why do you assume I need you help?"
"Well, I just noticed you were quite distant or rather you were really not into it today. What I mean is that you've been thinking a lot today. I can feel you're still a little in the stage of doubt. You're still worried that everything won't go out as planned, right?"
Rukawa fell silent for a moment before nodding softly. "To tell you the truth, I'm in doubt whether he will come or not. I also don't know how he would react when I tell him my feelings."
"In short you're scared."
"I guess so. [2] I'm afraid he won't accept me anymore since I've hurt him in a lot of ways already. I'm also scared that maybe it's already too late." Rukawa lowered his head to the ground. His soft bangs covered his eyes as he did so. [3]
Ania smiled slightly despite the situation. She walked slowly to where Rukawa sat and knelt down in front of him. Carefully, she placed her hand on top of his. The latter's head immediately shot up to meet the beautiful eyes of the girl he had dumped before. Come to think of it, she was even helping him to fix his love life when in fact he had hurt her in a way too. "Kaede, d'you remember when Akira told you he loved you so much he was willing to do anything. Kaede if you really love Akira, you will believe in him. I believe that his love for you is for real and I'm sure it will last forever. So Kaede, don't worry. I'm very very sure Akira will come. So cheer up now will you."
Rukawa felt so much relieved at that moment. He felt he was so lucky to have a trusted friend like Ania. Finally able to pull himself up, he stood up and headed for the door. He opened it slightly but before going out he turned back. "Oi, aren't you coming? I still need to practice. If you have no plans of coming, then I'll just leave without you."
Ania smiled. "Hai, Hai."
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~Rukawa's POV~
-5:30 PM-
30 more minutes...Yes, 30 more minutes to go before I face everything. I sat here in the dressing room just waiting, waiting to be called and to start the concert. Until now, I'm still afraid. I don't know if everything will turn out right. I don't know if he will still accept me. Lastly, what I fear most is that he doesn't love me anymore. I still can't place those ideas in the back of my head even though my teammates already came and talked some sense to me. They even cheered for me. I smiled. Without them I guess I couldn't have mustered all the courage I have now to actually do what I am about to do. Even that stupid baka cheered for me and that thing was definitely impossible. I used to be cold to them all and distanced myself since I was not really used to having close friends since usually what I had were fake ones that were only interested in my family's wealth. But now, I found real ones. True friends I can trust and can run to when I needed help. I still remember clearly in my head their words.
"Good luck Rukawa-kun!" Kogure-sempai said smiling warmly at me like he usually did.
"Make sure to make that whole crowd holler your name over and over again okay?!" Mitsui-sempai said clapping me on my back.
"Yeah! Show them you're not only good in basketball but in singing as well! Go for it Rukawa!" Ryota-sempai added giving me a hard slap on the back too.
"Oi, kitsune. I'm giving this chance for you since it's for your baka smiley but this is only once so make sure it's good!" The doa'aho surprisingly said.
"Good luck Rukawa. Just believe in yourself and everything will turn out fine." Akagi-sempai.
And, finally, the main person who helped me out, Ayako-san. "Rukawa, just like what Akagi-sempai said, just believe in yourself. Everything will turn out fine. I'm very sure of that. Just show him how much you feel. Don't hesitate. Good Luck. Oh, by the way, take this. This came from the whole team." Ayako handed me a huge bouquet of lavenders with white roses.
"Arigato minna-san. "
Those were the two simple words I could only mutter at that time. I was not really good with expressing my feelings and emotions. In fact I was quite bad with it and I know almost everyone knew it. But now, now I need to gather up all my courage and if possible throw away my pride just to get me to tell those 3 simple words that would make everything between Akira and me turn back to what it was before. I stare silently at my reflection and continued to wait was the clock in the room gave soft ticking sounds...5:45 PM it read...15 more minutes and I'll get to see him again... Akira...
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~Sendoh's POV~
-5:45 PM-
5:45 PM, this was the exact time as of now. 15 more minutes to go before Kaede's concert and I'm still here stuck up in the traffic. I was wondering if I would ever get to come there see him on time. I leaned my head heavily on the car's windowsill as the rain started pouring outside. I looked over in front to see that there was no progress in this traffic and it might take me a few more hours to get there. I closed my eyes silently hoping that I will still be able to make it and that Kaede would be there waiting for me like he used to do before...Wait for me Kaede...I promise I'll come...
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~Rukawa's POV~
-6:00 PM-
Soft knocking sounds interrupted me from my thoughts. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Ania staring at me from the door. She was smiling brightly at me. Giving me a nod, I stood up from my seat and grabbed my coat from the hanger. I stared at myself one last time in the mirror before joining her outside. We were only halfway from the stage but I could already hear the crowd's enormous cheers. But right now they were not the ones occupying my mind. We halted to a stop when we arrived just below the stairs leading me to the stage. The lights in the stadium were all shut and the I welcome remarks were already ringing in the air. I took a deep breath and ended it with a soft sigh. I looked over to the side and saw Leiko glancing at me from where she was. She gave me a thumbs-up sign before I headed out to meet the raging crowd.
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~Sendoh's POV~
Damnit! It's already exactly 6:00 and still I was stuck up in such a traffic. Car honks were heard everywhere including a lot of people cursing and shouting at the top of their lungs. From afar I could see the lights on the Blue Eyez Stadium were already dancing in excitement and for me that was a signal. The concert has begun...Shit! I cursed mentally.
"Is there no other way we can get out from this traffic jam? I really need to get to the stadium as soon as possible." I asked my driver frantically panicking.
"I'm afraid there's no other way sir. We have to wait."
"Shit."
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~Rukawa's POV~
-9:45 PM-
The whole night had gone out pretty well. The whole crowd was very attentive today. I tried to force out a smile all the time at them. Truth to say, despite the good crowd I got I still didn't fell happy. The reason? I looked over to a certain spot of the stadium where an empty seat was. I specially picked that seat for the person I was waiting for and until now he hasn't shown up. I could almost feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Was everything too late for me already? Akira, where are you? Please at least show up for my last song. That's my only wish...
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~Sendoh's POV~
-9:50 PM-
Whew! I barely made it. It took me at least 3 fucking hours in that traffic. Good thing we were able to get away. I asked my driver to speed up and he reached here just in time. I even had a hard time entering since the guard didn't allow me. Good thing Leiko-san saw me and she quickly dragged me inside. I made my way through the crowd to find my seat. I even bent down to read the seat numbers. When I found my seat, I quickly sat in place and heaved a sigh. I shifted my gaze to the stage and the sight shocked me. My seat had a good view of Kaede whereas it was as if I was standing just right in front of him. From my position, I would be the first person Kaede was going to see if he looked straight into the crowd. In short, my seat had the best view of all. What even stunned me was that Kaede was staring directly into my eyes as if searching into them. At first I saw a hint of disappointment and worry but it was quickly replaced with happiness and a smile, a true one, made its way to his lips. He was smiling back at me, the same smile he used to give only for me before. I smiled back at him too and nodded for him to go on. His smile widened and he nodded back. Without taking his eyes of mine, he spoke. "Minna-san, this is my last song for tonight. I really want to thank all of you for coming. I chose this song to be the last since this is very special for me. It tells of a story and a friend and I made the lyrics here. In fact, I am offering this song for that person. So, here it is. The song is entitled You First Believed." Kaede gave me a warm smile as the first parts of the music played. And as soon as I smiled back, the lyrics slowly came out of his mouth.
How many times did I pray you'd find me?
How many wishes on a star?
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace.
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~Sendoh's POV~
As the first words of the lyrics were pronounced, my eyes grew wide in realization. That song, that was the song Kaede and I were composing back then. I thought all along that he just simply threw the lyrics away but what I didn't know he actually went on in writing it. He even placed a melody for the song. I quickly stood up and found my eyes locked into his. He was staring silently into my eyes and as I looked back into his I could feel once more that he was showing me his soul and his heart. I could feel his emotions and the message he wanted to tell me...Is what I'm feeling true? Is this what you really feel Kaede?
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~Rukawa's POV~
I smile slightly as I see Akira stand up from his seat and look questioningly at me. I simply lock my gaze with him and let my emotions flow. I opened up my heart and allowed him to read everything I felt for him that I kept all these times we were together. This is what I truly feel Akira. Can you feel it too? As my emotions seep in, I could see a smile forming in his lips. Akira...There is more I want to show you...Just listen and you will see...how much you mean to me...
So many times when my heart was broken
Visions of you would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You were all that I am
And I'll never forget
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~Sendoh and Rukawa's POV~
Back then, I was all alone. I never thought I would find someone who would seem me through. Who would understand and respect me for me. Someone who could open up my heart and reveal the true person that I am inside. Someone who could accept me for me and not ask anything more. I've always wished upon the stars that the heavens would send me an angel but it never did. But then everything proved to be wrong when I met you. You filled my world. You eased the pain I felt deep inside. You took me in for who I am and never asked for anything more. You believed in what I can do and most of all, you've loved me for being me.
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand and you showed me light
And I've never been the same since you first believed.
A lot of events had passed on between us and as days grew our relationship grew to a point of eternal bliss. But they say everything has an end and we experienced it too. Everyone was a witness to that. But now, here we are. Trying to fix everything we had done wrong and most of all to heal our broken hearts and memories...
~*Flashbacks*~
No one ever saw him through. No one saw this sad and painful side of his. Surely, he had friends. He knew they were true and that he could count on them, but what he was looking for was way beyond the word friendship. And that was… Love…
Sendoh never felt this feeling in his whole life. He never felt love from his parents nor did he ever feel true love from a person who understands your heart and soul. It was agonizing… he wished hard for this to come… but it never did…
…wasn't it really meant to be for Sendoh Akira to fall in love? … and to be loved? Maybe yes… and maybe
'Kaede. Yes, who really is Kaede. ' Rukawa thought as he leaned in to the refreshment the water from the shower was offering him. ' Sometimes, I don't know who owns that name anymore. I really don't know since when was my own identity foreign to me. I guess, ever since I entered showbizness. But why did I enter this life anyway? Fortune? Popularity? No, I don't think so. I just thought I could find happiness here. Did I ever find it? Maybe yes and maybe no."
' But then again, I somehow found that this life I entered filled one of the voids in my heart. One of the voids… Yes, one. There are a lot of voids in my heart that are hard to fill in. I always thought they will remain empty, or so I thought. These past years, I'm starting to find the answers to my questions and the answers to my anxieties. One of them is basketball. I find happiness from it. And from basketball comes another answer, my teammates. They showed me and taught me a lot of things. I am grateful for them. But there is one thing that they just can't fill..."
"Akira Sendoh."
'He's different from the others I met. I can say that. I think I'll enjoy it being friends with him.'
' This will be fun. Really fun. Ne, Akira Sendoh? '
'Did I hear right? Deep Blue eyes? Raven Hair? Loves to play basketball? Gorgeous body? And plays basketball every Saturday morning in a public court in Kanagawa? Could it be? Could it be…him?'
"Actually, he's a famous singer allover Japan. He's not just a singer but a model too. He also does a little acting, but I tell you its rare.
"Kaede Rukawa."
A veil of bizarre silence and magic seems to have fallen over the whole gym as the two aces stared at each other. Deep sapphire blue eyes bore into unfathomable cerulean ones. Both of them felt like drowning in each other's eyes. Eyes that reminded them of the soaring blue sky and the soothing clear blue water. Everything seems like a fantasy.
"So… I really guess destiny wanted us to meet today. Huh, Kaede Rukawa?"
"You play differently compared to when I had one-on-one with you." Sendoh said guarding the ace.
"Che! I know you didn't play seriously that time so I didn't play seriously as well. I'm a fair person you know."
Sendoh grinned. "Oh really. Then let's see what you've got my dear superstar."
'Is he really meant to come to my life and stay? I feel so much comfortable with him. I really hope he does stay. I somewhat feel that he'll have a big effect on my life.'
'Why am I acting like this? It feels like I'm so excited to play with him. But somehow I rather feel like I'm enjoying it. I admit its fun playing with him. I never felt this comfortable while playing before. Why now? And of all people, HIM?'
'Everything's turning out to be more interesting. I'm enjoying this a lot, Sendoh Akira. And I do mean it.'
" You know what, you look good when you smile."
"Now tell me. What in GOD'S NAME are YOU doing HERE?"
"Ah. Gomen. I was just checking out on you."
"Actually when I first saw you, I was…speechless. I never imagined tha-"
"- that I would wear clothes such as THESE."
"Huh! What do I care? So, that's how you treat your friends huh? Someone you can just reign over. Well excuse me but I'm not like that and I definitely hate that!"
"When I thought all along that Kaede Rukawa was someone with a lot of pride, I think I'm mistaken. He's a big CHICKEN."
"Don't you dare talk to me like that! You don't know me."
"You're not the prideful person I thought about. You're a big coward."
"... But I'm going to tell you one thing. If you really think that people around you will laugh at you or anything, that will really happen..."
"Always remember there's someone out there supporting you...and that's me..."
'Gambatte ne, Kae-chan. -Akira'
Love… yes, that is what I need.
No one was there to receive the love I give. No one was there to give me love I wished. No One. I'm all-alone, just like him.
Please somebody come and save me. Save me from falling apart. Save my heart and fill the missing love within…
Show me a place where I can return. A place where I can see the happiness I longed for. I am just here, waiting for you.
'Those eyes are the same as mine. They have the same feeling I can see. I can feel those eyes filling me with warmth and…love. This eyes. This eyes must be my savior.'
"You know, I guess we'll get along well. I feel comfortable with you."
"Then, why don't we eat together always."
"Kae-chan, d'you remember all the things we've been through just for this past five months?"
"But I don't want to see you lonely anymore. Remember what I always tell you, I want to see you smiling more from now on, right? And besides, you're a best friend for me. I can't just leave you alone. "
"Un. Best Friends. Forever…"
"…I'll always be here for you like you are to me…"
"I can simply understand you. We're just the same and I never judge a person from physical but from whom he or she really is. I simply adore you for you are you."
"What's this? A piece of earring?"
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There were times when I thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart
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. 'This is wrong!!! Why am I thinking like this?! Am I? Masaka! Can I be in LOVE with… HIM? But, no, this can't be! We're both males.'
~ Don't deny your feelings anymore! You love SENDOH AKIRA! That's the truth! Don't deny it anymore, since itll hurt you more! Look closely in you heart and you will see that it belongs to only one person. And that is…Akira… ~
'Who is the person really deserving of my love? Who?'
'If only… If only I said it earlier, this wouldn't be happening to me…'
"Kosh…I-I love Kaede…I love Kaede so much…so much that it hurts…"
'Forgive me Akira. Forgive me. I really don't want to see you like this but I'm really confused right now. I'm sorry. I'm very… sorry…'
'There's nothing I can do anymore. Akira, this love is wrong. I know my love for Ania is the real one. I'm sure you'll realize it soon. What's done is done. And everything shall remain as it is now. This is for the both of us. Please understand.'
"Kaede, for the past few months we were together, I realized one thing. I've fallen for you… I love you… I love you Kaede…"
"Kaede… I love you. Please…this love isn't wrong. I know what I feel for you is right. Please Kaede…all I need is an answer. D'you love me? Please answer me. This is my only wish."
"I don't love you."
I love you Kaede. All I wished for was for you to love me back. But I guess that will never happened cause your heart doesn't belong to me…
'I'm sorry to hurt you Akira but I can't accept your love. I just can't…'
'Nothing can be the same again…'
"Kaede, if you love someone, don't push that person away. Just because of others' influence, you take it for granted? It will hurt you if you do… and so is the person you love..."
"Kaede, it's not yet too late. If you're thinking that Akira has thrown his love for you because you turned him down, you're wrong. He loves you till the ends of the earth. So, if you have the courage, go to him and tell him how you feel..."
"Please Kaede, allow me to explain. You've thought it all wrong!"
"I DON'T NEED YOUR EXPLANATIONS ANYMORE!!! I SAW EVERYTHING WITH MY VERY OWN EYES!!! LET ME GO!!!"
"NO!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS!!! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! I THOUGHT YOU REALLY LOVED ME, BUT I WAS WRONG, TOTALLY WRONG!!! YOU WEREN'T SERIOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
"Come to think of it! I came here to FINALLY, FINALLY ACCEPT YOUR LOVE! And THIS, THIS IS WHAT I SEE...I'm SO STUPID!!! Now, LET ME GO, YOU BASTARD!!!"
If loving someone is feeling pain similar to death, then it is better that I would never love anymore... I can't afford to love anymore after this...I won't. Akira, you'll be the last...
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It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand and you showed me light
And I've never been the same since you first believed.
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"I've thought about everything and I finally realized I need to do something. If I don't I'll really lose Kaede. I realized that I shouldn't just be sitting here and crying all day because if I do, it's like I'm finally giving up to my fate. I think it's about time I do what I really want and not let destiny dictate everything for me."
Kaede, I just want you to know I love you so much. I don't expect you to love me back. It's your decision to do so. If you still love me, I'll be happy to accept your love. But if you don't it'll be fine. But I hope we can start allover again. Remember like we used to do before? I hope you can still be my best friend. I'm really sorry Kaede....
'Akira, you're still my best friend. You'll always be. There was no one else who filled my heart the same way you did. No one can replace you in my heart, for you are the only reason why I'm still striving to live. If you hadn't entered in my life, I would have died a long time ago. But, you saved me. You won't only remain as my best friend but d'you know what? You're my one and only love. You're the only person I'll ever give my heart to...No one but you...'
~*End of Flashback*~
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It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand and you showed me light
And I've never been the same since you first believed.
How many times did I pray you'd find me?
How many wishes on a star...
As the song went to a stop I found my eyes were wet with unshed tears and so was his. I was smiling back to him and so was he to me. A spell seemed to have woven into us binding our hearts into one and restoring the broken ties back in place. Right then and there, we knew we had forgiven each other. Whatever had happened in the past had been forgotten, what was important is the present...
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~Sendoh's POV~
Indeed the song had foretold a story of two people who had experienced a lot before they came into the surface of love. The story which included Kaede and me. As the song went to a stop, I smiled brightly at Kaede and joined my hands together to congratulate him for his best performance. I saw his eyes widen for a mere second then it turned back to normal. He smiled warmly back to me and soon after the silence that was once covering us were followed by claps from the audience. Everyone did a standing ovation and Kaede bowed in appreciation. Before the concert was declared done, Kaede spoke. "Arigato minna-san for coming here tonight. Indeed, I have felt that my soul had been revived but I know it will never be complete unless I fix the broken ties I had with one very special person." He paused and looked at my direction. "I know you know who you are. Please give me a chance to clear up everything. I will be waiting for you backstage." And with that he completely left the stage. I stared in awe at his retreating back and smiled. "Wait for me Kaede. I'm coming."
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~Rukawa's POV~
I immediately went straight backstage and waited for him. There were no interruptions that came my way since almost everyone who knew kept the people intact and did their best not to let them disturb my plans. Our meeting place is at the top floor. As soon as I reached it, I headed straight to the center of the room. The top floor was shaped into a hexagon including the roof. There was a part there, specifically the center, where the roof was made of glass letting the moonlight seep into the room. I stood there and watched the stars and as I closed my eyes I felt the moon rays strike my face. I stayed in that position and waited for the sound of footsteps coming my way.
Unfortunately, 15 minutes had already passed and he was still not present. But despite that I still waited. I would never give up. Another 15 minutes had passed and still I was alone in this huge room. I could feel tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes. Was I too late? Maybe, he doesn't love me anymore. I guess he doesn't want to see me anymore after what I've done. But then, why did I see that look in his eyes? Why? Akira where are you? A single tear made its way down my cheek and soon after, I was sobbing hard. I fell onto my knees, as more tears came out of eyes that I needed to cover my eyes. Is this really the end of everything? I closed my eyes and continued to cry under the moon's light.
Just then, I felt a hand placed on my shoulder. Right then and there, I hoped, It was him. I opened my eyes and looked up to see a handkerchief a few inches away from my face. The person holding that handkerchief was the person I was waiting for, Akira Sendoh. "Take this. Crying doesn't fit such a beautiful face." I felt more tears fall from my eyes but this time they were of utter happiness. Without any further notice, I hugged him tight and sobbed on his chest. [4]
"I thought you were never going to come. I thought I was too late that you would never accept my explanations anymore. Akira, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry for hurting you and letting you cry all the while. I'm sorry..." I said sobbing harder.
Akira just patted me on the back like I was a small child. he remained silent all the while which made me a whole lot nervous but I know I must trust him. When I ceased sobbing, I lifted my face to look straight into his eyes. He smiled at me and wiped the a few more tears from my eyes. "It doesn't suit you crying you know."
"Akira, d'you forgive me for what I have done?"
Akira smiled. "What do you think?"
"Please don't return the question to me. Answer me straight."
"Of course I do. I've forgiven you even before. Besides, why would I blame you if that was your decision."
"But my decision was wrong! It shouldn't have gone this far if it wasn't for me. I even heard you tried to kill yourself..."
Akira held up my chin and leant down so that my eyes were directly fixed into his. "Kaede. Don't blame yourself for that. Besides, I'm not dead. I'm still here breathing and speaking. In short, I'm still alive."
"But..."
"C'mon don't worry too much about that. Now, you told me a while ago you were going to say something. What is it anyway."
I blushed a little as I felt him staring directly into my eyes. I shifted my gaze to the floor and silence ensued between the two of us. I knew he was waiting for my answer. I looked back into him to see him looking at me. I gulped hard. I felt like all the courage I had tried to get was all gone. He smiled at me which silently meant for me to go on. I stared once more into his eyes and before I knew it I had already moved up to capture his lips. Our first kiss lasted long and sweet. I found my hands wounding up to his hair while his own arms made their way to my waist. We took all the time tasting each other and at the same time letting each other feel the emotions we've kept for so long. Akira pulled me more into the kiss thus deepening it into a much sweeter adventure. Finally, after some time, we parted for a breather. I leaned down into his chest still gasping for air. "Akira, I love you. I really do. I've loved you ever since before. I was just to afraid to admit it back then but now, I know I won't be ashamed to tell anymore how much I love you. I love you so much Akira. I will love you until forever."
I felt his hands were searching for mine and I gladly entwined it into his. He rested his chin on my head and sighed. "I love you too Kaede. More than you'll ever know." I felt a single tear slide from my eyes again. This tear was the symbol of my utter bliss for having the person I love right here beside me, holding me in his arms. And we stayed there for a few more minutes before Akira stood up and helped me up as well. He looked at me and grinned playfully. "Kaede, d'you remember before? Every time you had a concert you always treat us out and now that means..."
"Yeah I know. I have to treat you guys too. Ok, but next time you'll be the one to treat out okay?" I said smirking at him.
"Unfair! You're the one who had a concert not me!" He said pouting cutely.
"DO-A-HO!"
Akira laughed. "Hey, I missed that one already! Well, we need to get out of here already and meet the guys. Iku zo, Kae-chan!"
I smiled. "I missed that nickname you gave me too. Umm, Akira before you go I have to tell you something."
"Yes?"
"Umm, the whole thing it was planned. Starting from the 'accidental' giving of the ticket, the concert, the seat, everything. I planned it all just for this."
"I knew that already."
"Huh? But how?"
"Let's just say I'm a real genius. And they won't
call me Sendoh Akira the great if I'm not good right?"
I laughed softly and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Baka!" And with that, we both left the place and headed down to our friends. Everything had returned to what it had used to be. The only difference was that, his hand was clasped tightly into mine and our hearts are bonded together as one... This is eternal bliss...
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~Sendoh's POV~
The night had been the happiest moment of my life, well as of now. Who knows maybe I might find another happiest day of my life now that Kaede is with me. Speaking of which, now, we are officially a couple and I can't help but feel really happy about that. The moment we stepped out of the room hand in hand, part poppers went flying in our direction including flowers. Whoa! This is not a wedding guys was what I wanted to say but anyway I just enjoyed it. Everyone there congratulated us and I can't help but smile. I looked over at Kaede and I saw that his cheeks were tinted in a pretty shade of pink. His head was bowed down and he was silent but I knew more than the others could see. In Kaede's face, a ghost of a smile was present. We spent the whole night celebrating and as usual most of them ended up drunk. Well, except for Kaede and me. Good thing though, Kaede was prepared with them having learnt his lesson before. The restaurant he picked was located in a hotel. When everyone got drunk, we simply told them to go to their rooms. Surprisingly though they obeyed. Well, what was sort of weird was that even Kogure got drunk and he ended up in a room together with Mitsui. Well, I knew something was going on between the two. Anyway, when they all retired into their rooms, Kaede and I decided to drive downtown. We stopped in a cliff overlooking the city. My car was a convertible that was why we had no trouble of viewing the outside. Kaede seemed to have enjoyed the silence because he had his eyes closed and his face held a very contented expression.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and stared at me. "Akira, why did you bring me here?"
I smiled. "I wanted to give you something Kaede and I thought it would be better if I give it in a place where we could have privacy.
"What is it?"
I took out a small box from underneath the car and asked Kaede to face me. He straightened up and looked directly to my eyes. I silently gave him the box urging him to move on and open it. His fingers carefully removed the ribbon from the box and little by little he opened it to reveal...
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~Rukawa's POV~
...A beautifully crafted silver bracelet with my name engraved in it in a shimmering sapphire blue color. I held the object up to my eyes and stared at it in awe and shock. I shifted my gaze to Akira and smiled. "Thank you Akira. But you see, I also have a gift for you." I fished a small and very similar box from my pocket and handed it to him. He took it gratefully and opened it. His eyes also widened in shock at the object inside. Slowly lifting it up to get a better view of it, It was revealed that my gift was the same bracelet he gave me. The only difference is that his name was engraved on it and not mine. He stared at me in shock. "I can't believe it. We have the same gifts."
"I couldn't believe it too. I just bought it since the lady there said that if you buy it and engrave the name of your love one there and give it to him/her, you two would stay together."
Akira practically jumped in excitement. "Same here!"
"Then, does that mean we would stay more than forever?"
"Yeah I guess that's it! Hey, why don't we put it on already!"
And so Akira placed the bracelet on his wrist and I did do. I lent over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. We stayed there for a moment simply watching the stars and the city's bright display of colors. All of a sudden, colors filled the sky and fireworks made beautiful patterns on the heavens above. Akira bent down to me and smiled before capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. The fireworks were witness to a love that has blossomed from time. Now, two hearts are together as one and like the seasons, a new chapter will begin and wait for them. Love is truly powerful, it can conquer any obstacle, and will face all odds. Love was never meant to hurt but to make someone happy and contented for the rest of their lives...Akira and Kaede will share this love forever...and maybe forever might not even turn out enough...
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...And if forever's not enough for me to love you
I'd spend another lifetime baby, If you ask me to
There's nothing I won't do
Forever's not enough for me to love you so...
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Author's Note: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I can't really believe this!!! This fic is finished. Well, I guess not really since I've decided to make an epilogue and I'm really going to make it! I will! Hey guys, please review and tell me what you think. Was the ending nice? What d'you guys want to happen to the epilogue? Is there something you want to add there? Oh, btw, thanx for all those who gave their suggestions on the symbol. Now, you guys know that I chose Reiko Samidare's. Reiko-chan arigato! For the others too thanx! And guys, I've also another fic entitled "Yaoi Baby". Please read and review on it too. This time I'm getting a fic in the rating of humor but I don't know if it will really turn out that way. I'll also soon be posting another SenRu multi-chap fic entitled "Love or Infatuation?" I hope you read it too. Thanx!