LOST AND FOUND - PART IV
CHRISTMAS DAWN
Chapter 30
The clock was chiming two when Pa escorted Dora up to her room. Instead of following them up the stairs Adam had settled himself on the sofa, stretched his long legs out and leaned back with his arms folded. Hoss had watched Dora and his father go up, but had wisely restrained himself from hurrying after them.
Instead, he moved to the other end of the sofa and sat down, unconsciously mimicking his older brother's posture.
"Aren't you going to go to bed?" he asked Adam.
"No, not yet. I don't want to wake them up, and I do mean THEM. There are six people in that room right now sound asleep and if one of them wakes up, they all will." He chuckled. "Take my word for it, that's something you learn the hard way when you have children. I may just stay here tonight." He yawned and scrubbed his hands over his face then he smiled when he glanced at his younger brother out of the corner of his eye. Hoss's expression plainly showed he was already starting to worry about marrying Dora and was bursting with the need to talk. So he remained silent and waited patiently.
"Do you think I'm makin' a mistake?" Hoss finally blurted out.
"You mean about marrying Dora? No, not at all Hoss, when you know, you know and there is no mistaking it. That's what happened when I finally recovered and could look at Thea as someone other than my doctor," he smiled. "I was looking out a window of the house we were sharing and watching her in the garden playing with that old sheepdog. Suddenly, I just knew, but unfortunately I had a lot to overcome. I wasn't the most pleasant and cooperative of patients. That's another reason why she turned me down the first three times." Adam laughed as he shook his head then slid further down on the sofa and yawned again.
"Any regrets?" Hoss asked staring into the fireplace.
Adam cleared his throat. "I know I complain and I'm sarcastic when I joke about losing my mind, but I wouldn't trade one second of my life with Thea and the children for anything. Nothing in the world would be worth it." He glanced at his brother out of the corner of his eye again and smiled sardonically. "Are you ready to gag yet?"
Hoss laughed. "Gotta admit, it seems kinda odd hearin' you talk like that."
"YOU think it's odd! Ever since we moved to Virginia City it seems like the person I used to be is following me around, shaking his head and trying to figure out what the hell happened." He turned a little more toward his brother. "You know, up until I left here, I never thought in a million years I would be doing what I'm doing, have five - God count them - five children, and be happily married. I never thought that was in the cards for me. I'm glad I was wrong."
Smiling Hoss said, "That's funny, I always thought you would."
"Why?"
His younger brother shook his head. "Always knew you weren't gonna be spendin' the rest of your life right here. Everyone knew that 'cept Pa."
"I've thought a lot about that and never talked to anyone about this." Adam put his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Do you think that somehow I deliberately forgot my past so I could be free? Free to do all the things I've ever wanted to do without feeling guilty for abandoning you all?" He expected Hoss to be startled by that, but when he glanced at his younger brother his expression hadn't changed.
Adam started laughing, "That thought already crossed your mind, didn't it?" he demanded and Hoss turned a little red as he continued to stare into the fireplace and refused to look at his brother. "Damn Hoss, why didn't you ever say anything?"
The big man shook his head, "Wasn't any of my business and wasn't my place to bring it up."
"Well I've brought it up and I'd really like to know. Do you think I forgot on purpose?"
Hoss took some time to think and when he finally turned to Adam his expression was serious. "No, I don't think you did. Accordin' to Thea your brain swelled and that changed it, made you different." He turned his bright blue eyes to stare at the fireplace again as he said, "But I think after you did forget, you didn't want to remember so you just didn't."
Adam had been nodding as Hoss spoke and when the other man fell silent he continued his brother's thoughts, "And I never would have remembered if Joe hadn't found me."
"No, I don't think you would've," Hoss agreed, his voice low and slightly pained because he could have lost Adam forever. He never would have met and gotten to know Thea or the children. They were all such a big part of his life now, he couldn't imagine living without them. He never would have met Dora either, and he had never felt about anyone before the way he felt about her. That made his thoughts turn to meeting her for the first time and chasing Adam around the hotel hallway.
"You never would cheat on Thea, would you?" he said without thinking.
"Of course not," Adam answered in an exasperated tone. "Why does everyone question that? For God's sake, have I ever been a man who didn't keep his word? Or couldn't control myself and chased women constantly? I know I still have some blank spots in my memory, but I'm pretty sure I was never like that. Both you and Joe have accused me, but at least Pa knows better."
"I don't rightly know why we did. Doesn't make any sense, does it?"
"No, and that's one reason why I find it so damn annoying."
"I'm sorry, shoulda known better."
"Apology accepted and yes you should have known better."
Hoss finally looked at his older brother and was relieved to see he was smiling.
When Hoss met his eyes Adam said, "I don't want to sound crass or crude, but quite frankly I have enough to deal with at home." He laughed and shot a knowing, sideways look at Hoss, "You'll find out."
His younger brother gave him a startled look then ducked his head and turned red. Adam just watched him patiently, sure that more questions were coming.
"You like being married?" he finally asked, the words coming out with an effort.
"Yes I do, I like being a husband, Thea and I are suited to each other in every way. I also like being a father, even though I do really mean it sometimes when I say they are driving me nuts."
Hoss opened his mouth to ask another question, turned an even deeper red and couldn't seem to speak.
"Go ahead Hoss, you can ask me anything."
"How did you know that you and Thea would be..." he paused as he mentally searched for the right word.
"Compatible?" Adam finished for him with a grin.
'Uh...yeah."
"I just knew Hoss, and I think you do too."
"I do?"
"Oh for God's sake, that woman has been chasing you ever since she first laid eyes on you! You know that."
"Well, I thought so, but still can't believe it. She's just so..."
"Sophisticated?"
"Yeah."
"Beautiful?"
"Yeah."
'Intelligent?"
"Yeah."
"Well educated, well traveled?"
"Yeah," Hoss started laughing.
"Passionate, loving, demonstrative, capable..."
Hoss cut him off, "Alright! I get it!" The two laughed for a moment.
"But seriously Hoss, why do you think you don't deserve someone like Dora?"
His younger brother looked at him as though he was out of his mind. "What can a woman like that see in someone like me?"
"Only a strong, good, kind and loving man. What more do you think you have to be, Hoss?"
"More like her."
"Obviously that is not what she wants. What she wants is you, you the way you are. And don't you dare start thinking you need to change to make her happy. She's happy right now. Just accept the fact that she loves you and don't worry about it anymore."
His younger brother still stared into the fire and his furrowed brow started to ease as he went over what Adam had said. When his expression finally returned to normal Adam heaved a mental sigh of relief. Getting Hoss to accept the idea that he didn't need to change for Dora had gone better than he had expected, and he hoped the point of them being very different was settled for good.
Adam closed his eyes as he waited for the next question, aware of what it would be and dreading answering; it wasn't long in coming.
"What about the...I mean Dora is a lady and I've never...God."
Hoss's face was turning the deepest red Adam had ever seen and he struggled with the urge to smile before he could trust himself to speak. He knew he had to treat this with complete seriousness. Being matter of fact and brief was the only way to handle this question.
"You only have to remember one thing - be gentle."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Hoss nodded and soon his color returned to normal.
Adam decided his brother needed another subject to think about and couldn't resist the urge to harass him at the same time.
"The first time you met Dora did you hear her say multiple births run in her family? Through the direct female line?"
"No," Hoss said looking at his brother anxiously.
"So now we know that's why Thea and I have a set of twins and a set of triplets. I knew it wasn't from my side of the family, we don't have a history of multiple births." He looked at Hoss with raised eyebrows and a half smile, "So be prepared big guy, who knows what yours will be."
"Dear Lord, I didn't even think about that!" Hoss said and turned pale.
Adam couldn't help it, he couldn't hold his laughter back anymore after one look at his brother's face. By the time he had himself under control again he had almost slid completely off the sofa.
Hoss was frowning at him. "Now that was just down-right mean," he said irritably and that set his brother off again. He looked down at Adam who was now on the floor between the sofa and the table laughing helplessly.
"I'm just getting you back for that 'Honeymoon Suite' sign," his older brother finally managed to gasp out. Hoss smiled at the memory.
"Yeah, that was a pretty good one," he said as he watched the other man weakly pull himself back up and collapse onto the sofa with one hand on his stomach.
"Oh Hoss, there is a very good possibility you'll have twins too, but don't worry about it. If you do, you do, and if you don't, you don't. Worrying about it won't change a thing. Besides, you'll be a great father."
"You think so?"
"I know so," Adam said firmly. "But I do have to say it's been hard. I have so much more respect for Pa now and understand so many things I didn't before. It's a full-time job." He took a deep breath and blew it out with a brief chuckle.
"What are you laughin' about now?"
Adam shook his head, "I was just thinking about when the twins were born."
"Didn't you say you delivered them?'
"Oh yes."
"How bad was it?"
"Terrible!"
"Then why are you laughin'?"
"Because I'm remembering how hysterical I was."
"You?!"
"Yes. Calm, cool, and collected me, out of my mind with terror. I knew the twins were full-term, not like our first. But I was just absolutely certain we were going to lose them too. If Thea hadn't talked me through it I don't know what would have happened. Thank God she was conscious."
"But I know you've done that before, even before your first."
"So have you, Hoss, but it's different when it's your wife and your child. It was bad enough when Annalise came quickly and easily, but of course Alexander had to be difficult. It seemed to take forever to get that boy turned around. By the time he was born I was close to the screaming point and Thea thought it was funny."
Hoss smiled, "That sounds like her."
"By the time I got the three of them cleaned up and settled in I was completely exhausted. All I remember after that was waking up on the floor hours later."
"On the floor?" Hoss was openly laughing at his brother now.
"I swear that's the absolute truth."
"I believe you," Hoss said as he stood and went to put more wood on the fire. When he sat back down the clock chimed three times and he sighed.
"Still worried?"
"No, not anymore."
"Good," Adam smiled a satisfied smile.
"That's why you stayed down here, right?"
"One reason, but I really didn't want to wake anyone up."
"Thank you," Hoss said quietly.
"You're welcome," Adam replied and they smiled at each other. Then they both looked up when they heard a sound at the top of the stairs. Alexander and Annalise stood there with their robes covering their nightclothes. But the two were almost dancing on small bare feet - they had forgotten their slippers.
Adam put a finger to his lips then motioned for them to come down. The two children tiptoed down the stairs as fast as they could. Annalise went around the table to her father while Alex climbed into Hoss's lap.
Both men took the children's little cold feet in their hands to warm them as the children quickly fell back to sleep. Then they laid them down in between themselves on the sofa and covered them with a blanket that had been folded and flung over the back of one of the chairs.
The two brothers continued to talk quietly about both the future and the past until the sun made it's presence known with a flood of rose-gold light. They stood and stretched before taking the children into their arms and slowly climbing the stairs. Adam opened the door to his old bedroom then took his son from his brother.
Hoss whispered, "Merry Christmas, Adam," as the older man was about to step into the bedroom.
"Merry Christmas Hoss," Adam whispered back, then went in and shut the door.
CHRISTMAS DAWN
Chapter 30
The clock was chiming two when Pa escorted Dora up to her room. Instead of following them up the stairs Adam had settled himself on the sofa, stretched his long legs out and leaned back with his arms folded. Hoss had watched Dora and his father go up, but had wisely restrained himself from hurrying after them.
Instead, he moved to the other end of the sofa and sat down, unconsciously mimicking his older brother's posture.
"Aren't you going to go to bed?" he asked Adam.
"No, not yet. I don't want to wake them up, and I do mean THEM. There are six people in that room right now sound asleep and if one of them wakes up, they all will." He chuckled. "Take my word for it, that's something you learn the hard way when you have children. I may just stay here tonight." He yawned and scrubbed his hands over his face then he smiled when he glanced at his younger brother out of the corner of his eye. Hoss's expression plainly showed he was already starting to worry about marrying Dora and was bursting with the need to talk. So he remained silent and waited patiently.
"Do you think I'm makin' a mistake?" Hoss finally blurted out.
"You mean about marrying Dora? No, not at all Hoss, when you know, you know and there is no mistaking it. That's what happened when I finally recovered and could look at Thea as someone other than my doctor," he smiled. "I was looking out a window of the house we were sharing and watching her in the garden playing with that old sheepdog. Suddenly, I just knew, but unfortunately I had a lot to overcome. I wasn't the most pleasant and cooperative of patients. That's another reason why she turned me down the first three times." Adam laughed as he shook his head then slid further down on the sofa and yawned again.
"Any regrets?" Hoss asked staring into the fireplace.
Adam cleared his throat. "I know I complain and I'm sarcastic when I joke about losing my mind, but I wouldn't trade one second of my life with Thea and the children for anything. Nothing in the world would be worth it." He glanced at his brother out of the corner of his eye again and smiled sardonically. "Are you ready to gag yet?"
Hoss laughed. "Gotta admit, it seems kinda odd hearin' you talk like that."
"YOU think it's odd! Ever since we moved to Virginia City it seems like the person I used to be is following me around, shaking his head and trying to figure out what the hell happened." He turned a little more toward his brother. "You know, up until I left here, I never thought in a million years I would be doing what I'm doing, have five - God count them - five children, and be happily married. I never thought that was in the cards for me. I'm glad I was wrong."
Smiling Hoss said, "That's funny, I always thought you would."
"Why?"
His younger brother shook his head. "Always knew you weren't gonna be spendin' the rest of your life right here. Everyone knew that 'cept Pa."
"I've thought a lot about that and never talked to anyone about this." Adam put his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Do you think that somehow I deliberately forgot my past so I could be free? Free to do all the things I've ever wanted to do without feeling guilty for abandoning you all?" He expected Hoss to be startled by that, but when he glanced at his younger brother his expression hadn't changed.
Adam started laughing, "That thought already crossed your mind, didn't it?" he demanded and Hoss turned a little red as he continued to stare into the fireplace and refused to look at his brother. "Damn Hoss, why didn't you ever say anything?"
The big man shook his head, "Wasn't any of my business and wasn't my place to bring it up."
"Well I've brought it up and I'd really like to know. Do you think I forgot on purpose?"
Hoss took some time to think and when he finally turned to Adam his expression was serious. "No, I don't think you did. Accordin' to Thea your brain swelled and that changed it, made you different." He turned his bright blue eyes to stare at the fireplace again as he said, "But I think after you did forget, you didn't want to remember so you just didn't."
Adam had been nodding as Hoss spoke and when the other man fell silent he continued his brother's thoughts, "And I never would have remembered if Joe hadn't found me."
"No, I don't think you would've," Hoss agreed, his voice low and slightly pained because he could have lost Adam forever. He never would have met and gotten to know Thea or the children. They were all such a big part of his life now, he couldn't imagine living without them. He never would have met Dora either, and he had never felt about anyone before the way he felt about her. That made his thoughts turn to meeting her for the first time and chasing Adam around the hotel hallway.
"You never would cheat on Thea, would you?" he said without thinking.
"Of course not," Adam answered in an exasperated tone. "Why does everyone question that? For God's sake, have I ever been a man who didn't keep his word? Or couldn't control myself and chased women constantly? I know I still have some blank spots in my memory, but I'm pretty sure I was never like that. Both you and Joe have accused me, but at least Pa knows better."
"I don't rightly know why we did. Doesn't make any sense, does it?"
"No, and that's one reason why I find it so damn annoying."
"I'm sorry, shoulda known better."
"Apology accepted and yes you should have known better."
Hoss finally looked at his older brother and was relieved to see he was smiling.
When Hoss met his eyes Adam said, "I don't want to sound crass or crude, but quite frankly I have enough to deal with at home." He laughed and shot a knowing, sideways look at Hoss, "You'll find out."
His younger brother gave him a startled look then ducked his head and turned red. Adam just watched him patiently, sure that more questions were coming.
"You like being married?" he finally asked, the words coming out with an effort.
"Yes I do, I like being a husband, Thea and I are suited to each other in every way. I also like being a father, even though I do really mean it sometimes when I say they are driving me nuts."
Hoss opened his mouth to ask another question, turned an even deeper red and couldn't seem to speak.
"Go ahead Hoss, you can ask me anything."
"How did you know that you and Thea would be..." he paused as he mentally searched for the right word.
"Compatible?" Adam finished for him with a grin.
'Uh...yeah."
"I just knew Hoss, and I think you do too."
"I do?"
"Oh for God's sake, that woman has been chasing you ever since she first laid eyes on you! You know that."
"Well, I thought so, but still can't believe it. She's just so..."
"Sophisticated?"
"Yeah."
"Beautiful?"
"Yeah."
'Intelligent?"
"Yeah."
"Well educated, well traveled?"
"Yeah," Hoss started laughing.
"Passionate, loving, demonstrative, capable..."
Hoss cut him off, "Alright! I get it!" The two laughed for a moment.
"But seriously Hoss, why do you think you don't deserve someone like Dora?"
His younger brother looked at him as though he was out of his mind. "What can a woman like that see in someone like me?"
"Only a strong, good, kind and loving man. What more do you think you have to be, Hoss?"
"More like her."
"Obviously that is not what she wants. What she wants is you, you the way you are. And don't you dare start thinking you need to change to make her happy. She's happy right now. Just accept the fact that she loves you and don't worry about it anymore."
His younger brother still stared into the fire and his furrowed brow started to ease as he went over what Adam had said. When his expression finally returned to normal Adam heaved a mental sigh of relief. Getting Hoss to accept the idea that he didn't need to change for Dora had gone better than he had expected, and he hoped the point of them being very different was settled for good.
Adam closed his eyes as he waited for the next question, aware of what it would be and dreading answering; it wasn't long in coming.
"What about the...I mean Dora is a lady and I've never...God."
Hoss's face was turning the deepest red Adam had ever seen and he struggled with the urge to smile before he could trust himself to speak. He knew he had to treat this with complete seriousness. Being matter of fact and brief was the only way to handle this question.
"You only have to remember one thing - be gentle."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Hoss nodded and soon his color returned to normal.
Adam decided his brother needed another subject to think about and couldn't resist the urge to harass him at the same time.
"The first time you met Dora did you hear her say multiple births run in her family? Through the direct female line?"
"No," Hoss said looking at his brother anxiously.
"So now we know that's why Thea and I have a set of twins and a set of triplets. I knew it wasn't from my side of the family, we don't have a history of multiple births." He looked at Hoss with raised eyebrows and a half smile, "So be prepared big guy, who knows what yours will be."
"Dear Lord, I didn't even think about that!" Hoss said and turned pale.
Adam couldn't help it, he couldn't hold his laughter back anymore after one look at his brother's face. By the time he had himself under control again he had almost slid completely off the sofa.
Hoss was frowning at him. "Now that was just down-right mean," he said irritably and that set his brother off again. He looked down at Adam who was now on the floor between the sofa and the table laughing helplessly.
"I'm just getting you back for that 'Honeymoon Suite' sign," his older brother finally managed to gasp out. Hoss smiled at the memory.
"Yeah, that was a pretty good one," he said as he watched the other man weakly pull himself back up and collapse onto the sofa with one hand on his stomach.
"Oh Hoss, there is a very good possibility you'll have twins too, but don't worry about it. If you do, you do, and if you don't, you don't. Worrying about it won't change a thing. Besides, you'll be a great father."
"You think so?"
"I know so," Adam said firmly. "But I do have to say it's been hard. I have so much more respect for Pa now and understand so many things I didn't before. It's a full-time job." He took a deep breath and blew it out with a brief chuckle.
"What are you laughin' about now?"
Adam shook his head, "I was just thinking about when the twins were born."
"Didn't you say you delivered them?'
"Oh yes."
"How bad was it?"
"Terrible!"
"Then why are you laughin'?"
"Because I'm remembering how hysterical I was."
"You?!"
"Yes. Calm, cool, and collected me, out of my mind with terror. I knew the twins were full-term, not like our first. But I was just absolutely certain we were going to lose them too. If Thea hadn't talked me through it I don't know what would have happened. Thank God she was conscious."
"But I know you've done that before, even before your first."
"So have you, Hoss, but it's different when it's your wife and your child. It was bad enough when Annalise came quickly and easily, but of course Alexander had to be difficult. It seemed to take forever to get that boy turned around. By the time he was born I was close to the screaming point and Thea thought it was funny."
Hoss smiled, "That sounds like her."
"By the time I got the three of them cleaned up and settled in I was completely exhausted. All I remember after that was waking up on the floor hours later."
"On the floor?" Hoss was openly laughing at his brother now.
"I swear that's the absolute truth."
"I believe you," Hoss said as he stood and went to put more wood on the fire. When he sat back down the clock chimed three times and he sighed.
"Still worried?"
"No, not anymore."
"Good," Adam smiled a satisfied smile.
"That's why you stayed down here, right?"
"One reason, but I really didn't want to wake anyone up."
"Thank you," Hoss said quietly.
"You're welcome," Adam replied and they smiled at each other. Then they both looked up when they heard a sound at the top of the stairs. Alexander and Annalise stood there with their robes covering their nightclothes. But the two were almost dancing on small bare feet - they had forgotten their slippers.
Adam put a finger to his lips then motioned for them to come down. The two children tiptoed down the stairs as fast as they could. Annalise went around the table to her father while Alex climbed into Hoss's lap.
Both men took the children's little cold feet in their hands to warm them as the children quickly fell back to sleep. Then they laid them down in between themselves on the sofa and covered them with a blanket that had been folded and flung over the back of one of the chairs.
The two brothers continued to talk quietly about both the future and the past until the sun made it's presence known with a flood of rose-gold light. They stood and stretched before taking the children into their arms and slowly climbing the stairs. Adam opened the door to his old bedroom then took his son from his brother.
Hoss whispered, "Merry Christmas, Adam," as the older man was about to step into the bedroom.
"Merry Christmas Hoss," Adam whispered back, then went in and shut the door.