The melodic tune of crickets echoed through the hallway, making me realize just how late it had gotten. All else was silent except for my heavy breathing and the soft shuffling of my footsteps as I ambled through the factory, reluctant to leave even though I knew I had to. No use remaining here in a place that sent daggers through my heart and made my head whirl with imagined scenes of Heaven coming through any one of the doors that lined the corridor and walking right into my open arms.
As I rounded the corner at the end of the hall, the thought of returning to my empty, lonely hotel room was unbearable. Exactly what was there for me to do now except sit and wait on pins and needles for Heaven's phone call? And how long would I wait if that call did not come tonight? How long would I remain in Winnerrow, waiting, waiting for an absolution that might never come?
The silence of the hall did not answer my question, but my heart already knew the answer. Forever I would wait for Heaven... even as I knew my fortitude would never be satisfied.
A steady rhythmic tapping caught my strayed attention and I stopped my slow pace to listen. Footsteps coming up the staircase. My breath caught in my throat and my heart began a throbbing furor even though I could not see who it climbing the stairs around the corner and down the hall. I knew who it was. Knew somehow the part of myself that had been missing for so long was now so near and so ready to reunite with the rest of me that had longed for her, dreamed of her, prayed she would someday return to make me whole again.
I pressed my back straight against the hard wooden paneling of the wall and stayed absolutely still, listening breathlessly to the footfalls as they grew louder and then suddenly muffled as a door creaked open. Carefully I peered around the corner to see an empty hall - she had gone into her office. Taking care to make my steps silent, I crept up to the office and slowly, with my heart racing so much I nearly choked, I stepped into the doorframe and my eyes settled on exactly what I'd thirsted for for so very long.
Heaven.
Heaven so close I could reach out and touch her, take her hand in mine, run my trembling fingers through that silken ebony hair, place a soft kiss on the sleek incline of her cheek... or her mouth. I was suddenly afraid of the possibility of tasting her lips and the intensity of my desire to do just that.
But I couldn't do that, I couldn't! She is my brother's daughter, I must remember, and married to another man. She is not mine to kiss and taste, not mine to embrace and caress... not mine to love as I so desperately did. Once she was, once in a time of blissful ignorance and false hope that quickly turned into shattered dreams. Our romance lay in fragments now, and it was forbidden to rebuild any part of it.
I watched in muted awe as she took the wildflower bouquet slowly, so achingly slowly, into the warm cradle of the arms I wished to be in. "Troy," she sighed, a pleading in her voice so pained it echoed inside my own breaking heart.
Oh, what delicious torment to merely watch her as my eyes filled rapidly with tears to blur my vision. A mirage she seemed now, a flood of shape and color, though the familiar scent of her perfume filled me and reminded me she was real and right here and not just a figment of my starved imagination.
She moved to sit at her desk, and in a blink I was outside the door and hidden behind the wall. So deathly afraid of being seen, of the inevitable painful connection striking up between the two of us when we knew such a connection could not be fulfilled. Let me have these lingering moments of perfection when she was so close to me and thinking she was so alone and not having to pull away from me... yet.
A soft ruffling of paper told me she had my letter in her hand and was reading it. The first tear slipped down my cheek as I imagined what was going through her head that very moment. Was she crying too, crying bitterly over the love I professed that she did not believe existed? Or would she by some grace of god believe in the words I'd printed on that paper, the words I would repeat to her again and again if only she would hear it... my love for you will never die...
"Troy..."
The sensation of her voice, weeping and desperate, overwhelmed me. I was filled suddenly with the urge to rush in and take her into my arms and ply kisses on her face to erase the tears that fell with each of her tortured sobs. The possibility of being denied was terrifying but the distance between us was absolute anguish. I couldn't stand this any longer. I couldn't struggle against the magnetic force that was slowly but surely pulling me towards her, tugging sharply until my defenses crumbled and I could do nothing but move once again into the doorway and fill my vision with her.
Now she sat furrowed in her chair, turned to the windows, gazing out of them into the inky night sky. Don't wish upon that star, my precious Heavenly, for they are not worth a dime next to the stars that sparkle eternally in your beautiful eyes.
I could hardly breathe as a dizziness washed over me and my hands reached out unwittingly towards her. I steadied and reminded myself of my purpose for being here, the mission I'd set out determinedly to complete today in Winnerrow. Explain everything to her, make it all clear, apologize for the lies you told. But do not hope for a happy ending. Do not imagine holding her in your arms tonight. Don't get too close to her, or you might not be able to control yourself...
And yet I was already beyond the point of control.
My steps were mere whispers on the carpet as I approached her chair, still facing the windows so that she took no notice of me. I stood close, so very close, and she didn't yet sense my presence, so I could take a long deep breath and absorb her essence as she sat crying still.
My lips parted slowly to speak but nothing came out. No words seemed to do justice for all I needed to say. And so I decided not yet to speak at all.
I reached out like a shadow and lay a trembling hand on Heaven's shoulder.
As I rounded the corner at the end of the hall, the thought of returning to my empty, lonely hotel room was unbearable. Exactly what was there for me to do now except sit and wait on pins and needles for Heaven's phone call? And how long would I wait if that call did not come tonight? How long would I remain in Winnerrow, waiting, waiting for an absolution that might never come?
The silence of the hall did not answer my question, but my heart already knew the answer. Forever I would wait for Heaven... even as I knew my fortitude would never be satisfied.
A steady rhythmic tapping caught my strayed attention and I stopped my slow pace to listen. Footsteps coming up the staircase. My breath caught in my throat and my heart began a throbbing furor even though I could not see who it climbing the stairs around the corner and down the hall. I knew who it was. Knew somehow the part of myself that had been missing for so long was now so near and so ready to reunite with the rest of me that had longed for her, dreamed of her, prayed she would someday return to make me whole again.
I pressed my back straight against the hard wooden paneling of the wall and stayed absolutely still, listening breathlessly to the footfalls as they grew louder and then suddenly muffled as a door creaked open. Carefully I peered around the corner to see an empty hall - she had gone into her office. Taking care to make my steps silent, I crept up to the office and slowly, with my heart racing so much I nearly choked, I stepped into the doorframe and my eyes settled on exactly what I'd thirsted for for so very long.
Heaven.
Heaven so close I could reach out and touch her, take her hand in mine, run my trembling fingers through that silken ebony hair, place a soft kiss on the sleek incline of her cheek... or her mouth. I was suddenly afraid of the possibility of tasting her lips and the intensity of my desire to do just that.
But I couldn't do that, I couldn't! She is my brother's daughter, I must remember, and married to another man. She is not mine to kiss and taste, not mine to embrace and caress... not mine to love as I so desperately did. Once she was, once in a time of blissful ignorance and false hope that quickly turned into shattered dreams. Our romance lay in fragments now, and it was forbidden to rebuild any part of it.
I watched in muted awe as she took the wildflower bouquet slowly, so achingly slowly, into the warm cradle of the arms I wished to be in. "Troy," she sighed, a pleading in her voice so pained it echoed inside my own breaking heart.
Oh, what delicious torment to merely watch her as my eyes filled rapidly with tears to blur my vision. A mirage she seemed now, a flood of shape and color, though the familiar scent of her perfume filled me and reminded me she was real and right here and not just a figment of my starved imagination.
She moved to sit at her desk, and in a blink I was outside the door and hidden behind the wall. So deathly afraid of being seen, of the inevitable painful connection striking up between the two of us when we knew such a connection could not be fulfilled. Let me have these lingering moments of perfection when she was so close to me and thinking she was so alone and not having to pull away from me... yet.
A soft ruffling of paper told me she had my letter in her hand and was reading it. The first tear slipped down my cheek as I imagined what was going through her head that very moment. Was she crying too, crying bitterly over the love I professed that she did not believe existed? Or would she by some grace of god believe in the words I'd printed on that paper, the words I would repeat to her again and again if only she would hear it... my love for you will never die...
"Troy..."
The sensation of her voice, weeping and desperate, overwhelmed me. I was filled suddenly with the urge to rush in and take her into my arms and ply kisses on her face to erase the tears that fell with each of her tortured sobs. The possibility of being denied was terrifying but the distance between us was absolute anguish. I couldn't stand this any longer. I couldn't struggle against the magnetic force that was slowly but surely pulling me towards her, tugging sharply until my defenses crumbled and I could do nothing but move once again into the doorway and fill my vision with her.
Now she sat furrowed in her chair, turned to the windows, gazing out of them into the inky night sky. Don't wish upon that star, my precious Heavenly, for they are not worth a dime next to the stars that sparkle eternally in your beautiful eyes.
I could hardly breathe as a dizziness washed over me and my hands reached out unwittingly towards her. I steadied and reminded myself of my purpose for being here, the mission I'd set out determinedly to complete today in Winnerrow. Explain everything to her, make it all clear, apologize for the lies you told. But do not hope for a happy ending. Do not imagine holding her in your arms tonight. Don't get too close to her, or you might not be able to control yourself...
And yet I was already beyond the point of control.
My steps were mere whispers on the carpet as I approached her chair, still facing the windows so that she took no notice of me. I stood close, so very close, and she didn't yet sense my presence, so I could take a long deep breath and absorb her essence as she sat crying still.
My lips parted slowly to speak but nothing came out. No words seemed to do justice for all I needed to say. And so I decided not yet to speak at all.
I reached out like a shadow and lay a trembling hand on Heaven's shoulder.