Disclaimer: Hey, guess what? I do not own Nintendo, Pokemon, The Legend of
Zelda or any others mentioned. Chunky Soup is a product of Cambell's.mm,
mmm better! Prozac and Gatorade are also not owned by me.although Gatorade
is owned by the Coca Cola company. Funny, if not random?
The dawn of an epic journey begins with a platinum-haired teenager named Skye Grendhert, and his pyro-friend Dan.who have to earn their Pokemon Training Licenses! But won't that be a tad difficult due to the following? Now, let Pokemon X BEGIN!!!
"Ah, The License!"
Floating. This time they had to make me float in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Everywhere I looked, I only saw the blackness of the abyss around me. With nothing occurring, I was already growing incredibly impatient and called out to anyone, but the only response I got was my resounding echo. Heck, they could've thrown me into the middle of a Greek Orthodox service or something, but whatever was controlling these nightmares decided to conveniently to drop me into a pit of darkness for me to idle away just to take my mind off falling to my impeding doom. And boy, doesn't it top it off any more than being dropped into an endless void without a bungee cord. Suddenly, a radiant flash of light came past the corner of my eyes, and already curious, I looked down to see just what was up next. A vivid whirlpool of white light was gradually expanding before me, and I was wondering when I'd eventually be sucked up into it. But it didn't seem to be drawing closer any time soon. From within the white whirlpool, three shadowy, canine-like figures appeared before me while flakes of red, blue and yellow energy began to radiate off of them. They must be the legendary pokemon that for a lifetime, spoke much to me in my dreams. Most of their words were either about the future, Armageddon, or just loose-lipped crap I could barely interpret. Nor could I barely identify these three mysterious figures, since they always had to come as apparitions. ".Skye.Skye." ".Skye." "What!?" I asked aggressively,"Do you always have to address me an unnecessary amount of times!?" ".Skye." "Who are you guys?" I asked,"C'mon, tell me." ".Skye." "C'mon!" ".Skye." That topped it. "What the heck!" I shouted,"Let me out of here!" "Hero." the blue, feminine-voiced spirit soared over me,"Accept your quest!" "NOOOOOOO!!" I screamed. The yellow-framed shadow meandered for a minute, before warning,".We know where you LIVE!" ".NOOOOOOO!!" The light then burned with such an intensity that it strained my eyes even when I forced them as shut as they could get. How much I longed for it to end.
Then; Slam, bam, thank you Indiglo, pokeball-themed alarm clock. 6 in the morning. Resisting my mom's calling, my friend screaming from outside, and the clock's buzzing itself, I slammed the alarm clock off it's stand, heard it go bam by my night table, and sarcastically thanked the god phoenix pokemon, Ho-oh, for making me bounce between wacky trances and the morning graveyard shift. Why? Why does it have to come to me every night? These nightmares have a meaning.they must.but what? So far, I've written down most of these memoirs in a small notebook that I keep under my bed. I then drearily looked over what I had collected so far in my dreams; the voices of my missing father and brother, and visions of events that as I know, were yet to come. Much of them involved villainous pokemon trainers from Hoenn who dressed in blue and red.a wicked man with a pure white creature that was driven mad by some alphabetical pokemon and plotted revenge against humanity.
Visions of I displaying the powers of the phoenix.and his blood that ran in my veins.and an evil organization that desired to take it from me by all means; one terrorist organization that was brought to justice twice, but my senses told me that it was on the rise again, and this time possessing an even greater power.
What was it called again? Team.Roc.nah. That was my best interpretations of these phrases coming from an anonymous source. These visions have caressed my unconsciousness for my entire life, like a movie full of meaningless hiatuses. And I have been trying to pause this movie to find out it's meaning. But it's like I'm strapped down to my seat and my eyes are being peeled open to view these befuddling scenes.
I will find their meaning. And even to the day I die, I will not breathe my last until I know what I am being presented before.
"SKYYYYYE!" my mom shouted up to me with an un-needed sweet voice,"Time to wake up for school!" "Hey, SKYE!" my friend Dan screamed from the driveway below, adding to the fun,"SKYE!" "Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!" I complained, leaning on a couple of pokemon training and HubaStinky (One of me and Dan's favorite bands.) posters, while hobbling over to the window. There was Dan, barely visible in the pale morning light. Again, he donned his trusty red hoodie with the pokeball crest where his neck was. As my best friend shot his gaze up at me, his hood fell down to his shoulders, exposing his spiky mahogany hair. "Skye!" Both sighing and yawning wearily at the same time, I asked,"What do you want, Dan?" Suddenly, he hurled a plastic, 20-oz bottle up in my direction. The bottle brushed past my shoulder and landed right on my fresh blue carpet, dripping of a yellow fluid. "Skye-punzel, Skye-punzel, throw down your hair!" Dan snickered at my long platinum hair, which was un-conditioned and messy, draping random sections of my face. ".Actually, Dan," I restated, combing my long hair back,"I was expecting a more practical response for the ruckus you're making.and you better pray to god whatever that yellow fluid is draining onto my carpet won't leave an indelible stain." "Why?" "Because it's coming out of your paycheck." ".Honey, get ready for SCHOOL!" ".Ma! Hold on!" I shouted back, then looking down at my friend,"Then what are you so excited about?" "Dude, look!" Dan signaled from the floor below, but I didn't get what he was trying to insinuate me to do,"The bottle, man!" Recovering the yellow plastic bottle off my carpet, I stuck a big toe into the penny-sized drip while I turned back to the window,".This?" "Last night.!" Dan leapt up and down,"Dude, they came out with Yellow Popsi!"
Sighing with excessive annoyance, I worded,".Yellow?"
"Yeah!" Dan grinned,"Yeah, man. They launched the delivery a couple days ago, and they were expected to arrive at our Poke Mart at 12:01 A.M sharp. I waited there at the front door for hours, Skye! You wouldn't believe it!"
".How was it.?" I stared blankly back at him.
"Skye, I was wishing you were there with me to see it!" Dan still expended such energy for the crack of dawn,"Man, you didn't know how pumped I was to pop the top off that satisfying, refreshing new beverage, to indulge upon it's lemony brokenness."
".And to savor a long, long, LONG relieving visit to the bathroom," I laughed,"From the volume of how much cherry pop you consume a day, my friend, you'd leak like a Rapidash who just ran circles around Sydney."
".Gee, I'd wonder what that would feel like?" Dan asked stupidly.
"Like puking outside a Dublin bar on the sidewalk," I grinned, stretching by back and turning away,"But speaking of bathroom, I have to take a shower. I'll see you downstairs."
But as I turned to look down at the driveway, Dan already split towards my back door.
".OR maybe not."
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"Good morning, Skye!" Mom opened her arms as I descended the stairs, preparing for an embrace with the caliber of a polar bear.
"AAAAHGH!" I choked, gasping for breath. When she released me, there was Dan, casually sitting at the dining room table with a heap of pancakes before him.
"Hee hee, isn't that touchin'?" Dan snickered,"When you come down with a fever, does she bring you Chunky Soup?"
"Oh, you shut up," I replied in jest.
"I made pancakes for you, honey," my mom showed me to the table with my own stack of the cakes,"I'm also leaving you your lunch money on the counter here for school."
"Hey, Dan!" I tried to be a benevolent host by going over to the fridge,"What do you want to drink with those pancakes?"
"Get me some yellow Popsi!"
".Hm, we haven't gone shopping recently.say, you can either have water or this random bottle of mango-flavored B-12 women's formula that's sitting neglected back here. Take your pick."
"I'll.take water," Dan shrugged, indulging himself. Syrup and crumbs were soon adorning his lips.
"Sheesh," I laughed,"You eat with the etiquette of an Ursaring."
"Do I?" Dan laughed,"Who's the one dripping syrup onto his primo PikaForce T-shirt? It's sure not me."
"Ah!" I laughed, pointing at Dan,"You Sneasel!"
While we were laughing, my mom drew closer to listen on us while we ate.
"Did you do your Latin homework?" Dan grinned,"Damn, that Catellus. He's tough.and weird."
"You could read his work like a stoned Slowpoke. Couldn't understand one damn thing he's trying to explain."
Laughing again, my mom closed in and warned,"Watch your language, Skye."
"You mean, stoned?"
"No, Damn. Damn is a very naughty swear in this household," my mom flicked my shoulder with her index finger.
"No it isn't," I grinned, realizing that Dan was now chuckling at me,"What are you laughing at?"
"You can't say."
"Damn?" I asked.
"SKYE!" mom cursed. Dan resumed his laughing, exposing the chewed up food lying on his tongue.
"You keep your damn.I take that back, mom.your mouth shut, you," I warned,"And what's so wrong about damn??"
"Damn is very filthy.well, back then it was," my mom stared off,".But it still is now!"
"Mom, you read the Bible," I supported my thesis,"God says he damns bad things. Say, he does damn those Egyptians, ten times. And he damned two cities. And damned cheating. And say, doesn't he damn people to Hades?"
Both my mom and Dan stared back at me with disbelief. Dan's mouth though was all the way open, and the chewed up pancake/ orange juice mixture tumbled out of his mouth and onto his plate.
"Oh yeah, he does damn those Babylonians."
Mom appeared to be gradually enraged with my comments, starting to tremble with anger. I knew I had gone too far, but the last words tumbled out of my mouth.
".Doesn't he?"
"Skye, that's a week added." My mom solemnly added.
"A week of what? School? You didn't call the Board of Ed, did you?"
"No. That's the added delay time for your Pokemon Training License."
".WHAT!?"
"You heard me!" my mom answered,"That's for bad language in the Grendhert household."
Now, that wasn't good to hear. For a long time, I always wanted to be a pokemon trainer, so I had been cajoling my mother into getting it for me. But unfortunately, she delayed it.for months. Maybe a year.
"But mom.my grades are literally over the B minus range!" I protested,"I've been working so diligently on each and every homework assignment.been getting each one in on time."
"Damn!" Dan gasped, receiving a glare from my mother.
".They better be, my son," my mother answered.
"I'm sure they are," I tried to be honest "I mean over the A+ range." I grew annoyed,"You don't know what it feels like, mom. Everyone in my school has a job, an allowance, and a pokemon training license.you don't know how much I'm left out from everyone.It's like.like."
"What, Skye?" my mom asked.
"Like J.D Salinger?" Dan came in.randomly,"That guy could use a girl."
"NO!.It's like.I'm not even.existing!" I sighed,"Everyone is asking to challenge me to a pokemon duel and.you know how hard it is to degrade yourself and say no?"
"Well, my son, "my mom answered,"I never became a trainer myself. Other than some of the little kids who like and appreciate pokemon as pets, those people who become battlers evolve from sweethearts into rugged, dirty- mouthed gangsters who'll spell disaster for a civilized culture! They'll bring doom and bad influence to kids like you! They're the cause of all of our human problems! Think of our CHILDREN!"
"What?" nobody could explain the confusion I was going through right now.
"I've met some of their parents before in Open House," my mom blabbered on,"They drive their moms and dads crazy! Don't you understand, Skye!? They come home at unreasonable hours! Some even don't return for almost a year! They give up their scholarships just to pursue some dirty pokemon fights and some crappy plastic chips."
"Gym badges?" I asked,"It doesn't work that way at all, mom. Not all of it."
"Unless you're from downtown Briddan," Dan smiled.
"Yeah, I know," I answered,"True ghetto-ness."
".And when have you heard of anyone becoming a so-called Pokemon Champion? Sheesh, my son, you can't be spoiling your youth trying to achieve such a pointless status."
"Unless you plan on being filthy damn rich!" Dan leapt up from his chair,"Oops."
".Dan."
".Our children are in danger!" my mom went on,"If you are doing this, my son."
"Mom."
".If you are blowing your GPA on some stupid tournament like the rest of them are, I swear, my son, you'll never see a cute, cuddly Snorunt in your arms for a long, long time!"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" I shouted, upset that I'd never see my favorite pokemon for a long time,"Well, mom. You're assuming things about the Pokemon League that aren't entirely true. Not every one of them are gangsters. They're not all dirty mouthed and rugged. And not all of them WANT to be pokemon masters."
".Unless you live in Briddan."
"That's kinda true, Dan," I grinned.
".But." my mom thought fast to come up with an excuse to prevent me from becoming a pokemon trainer,".My son, why don't you consider joining an after school club?"
I signified choking myself with Dan.
"Don't do that when I'm talking to you, my son!" my mom lightly nudged my shoulder,"How about running for Student Council?"
"That's for jocks."
"My son, how about the school newspaper?"
"Um.nah. That's for jocks who like to flatter people with articles about themselves. I'll pass."
".The yearbook club?"
".That's for jocks who like to take stupid pictures of cheerleaders and themselves after a long hangover. They eventually come to be known as Abercrombie and Fitch photographers."
".OR." my mom poked my shoulders,"You're a handsome, athletic young man. You should join a sport like basketball."
"I hate shorts."
"Football?"
"I can't stand it; all the players are loony, yowling jackals and their locker rooms smell like a Chucky Cheese's playscape that hasn't been cleaned recently. No thanks."
".Really?" Dan came in,"I play football.C'mon, Skye, aren't ya gonna join?"
".Um.no."
"Skye, the locker rooms ain't that bad. Now, c'mon, be a man.reconsider."
"Um.no."
Suddenly, Dan got up onto his feet and began to state,"And, another thing, man. It's like the jocks, man, they keep everything in line, man. It's the balance of gravity.without em, the burnouts would overrun the system. It's like survival of the fittest, without the Galapagos and all that Darwin crap, and it's like you know, freedom's knockin' on your door and when freedom's got you down, you gotta say,'Hey now, I gotta get up,' and you be just like, hey a bowl of peaches, man, because man, those other sports, they're for.for."
"Muckety mucks?" I asked.
".YEAH!" Dan continued,"You know, life's like a box of freakin' Frispy Frosting doughnuts; they're usually all the same thing! So, you gotta join the army.
"Dan.we were talking about after school activities."
"Oh.oops." (sweat drop.)
"How about squash?" Mom went on.
"That's pure suicide spelled on a racquet."
Finally, my mom went all out,"My son, how about Tennis, Hockey or the Ski Team? The Drill Club? Doesn't anything grab your attention?"
"To sum it all up, mom," I took a deep breath and looked back at my friend,"Tennis is played by muckety-muck rich, old people looking for the chance to make themselves look pretty. People throwing each other into the walls are the only thing that keeps me up during hockey's lagging overtimes.don't you remember the Elmwood VS. Briddan game that lasted for 11 periods?"
"Yeah, man," Dan grinned,"Your pussy town lost by a point."
Ignoring him, I continued,"We were up ALL night. It was worse than the overtime played in 1936 when the Montreal Maroons went at the Red Wings."
My mom was stunned by my rapid fire words. ".Actually, Dan," I sighed,"To correct you.We won."
".Oh.damn."
"And the Ski Team." I continued,"It's great and all that you get free trips to Blackthorn City and the Shoal Islands and stuff, but shamefully, I don't know how to ski.and the Drill Club; Mom, I'm not a girl with big, bouncy."
".PEACHES!!" Dan obliviously shouted, reaching for our fruit bowl. ".Incredible, my son," my mom marveled, interrupting me again,"I forgot how much of an adept comedian you were! I could sign you up for this nest year's school play."
"No thanks, mom. It's not like I love school or anything.and mom."
"Yes, my son?"
"I have a name."
"Oops," my mom giggled,"Sorry, Skye. I used to do that with your father."
"You don't love school!?" Dan randomly broke out of his trance,"Skye, what time is it!?"
"." I got up with Dan and stared blankly at the digital clock on our oven, immediately becoming frantic,"It's.15 to eight!? We're fifteen minutes late for school!"
"Oh man!" Dan shouted,"Mr. Shokman's gonna kill us!"
"Hurry up, Dan!" I shouted,"We gotta run to school!"
"Bye, Skye!" my mom planted a kiss onto both my cheeks, handing me my two dollars for lunch,"Have a good day."
"Yeah, mom, you too!" I replied as the both of us split out the door like if we were heading to the opening night of The Two Towers. But just as we were halfway by the driveway, my mom screamed,"Skye, your backpack.!"
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"You don't believe what tripped-out dream I came up with last night, Dan."
"What, did you wet your sheets?" Dan asked.
".NO!" I shouted,"Don't you ever listen! Those three legendary pokemon came out of nowhere and started speaking about all this journey crap and stuff.it was weird. It was like the opening of some Legend of Zelda game." Dan was still looking at me in a strange way, trying to get more details out of my words.
"I think it means something. What do you think?"
"Well," Dan joked,"It could mean a month's dose of Prozac."
I sighed wearily, shouldering my heavy backpack,"Dan. This journey these strange visions are bringing me must be connected to my PTL, Pokemon Training License. Think about it; accept our quest. They really never spoke to me in detail until my PTL actually came to mind."
"You're hyped up, that's all," Dan grinned, raising my moral,"Cuz' in no time, you and I'll be singing poke raps like the rest of em! We'll be free to go wherever we want! We can eat Frispy Frosting doughnuts and drink cherry soda until our pancreas cave in!"
"And best of all." I grinned,"Kick some ass with our spiffy pokemon!"
"Shibby!" both of us did our secret handshake; a straight forward fist pound with the knuckles, then one fist pound over the other. Then, we would swing a playful hook towards our faces, which actually goes wrong sometimes.
"Ow." both of us held our foreheads, withstanding a newly forming black and blue.
"Well." Dan sighed,"I'd take back the whole poke-rap thing.but at least you can look forward to a new pokemon, that's all."
Whoa, hang on. By now, you're probably asking just who Dan is. And yeah, I could; it's a long way to Elmwood Academy High School and I have a lot of time to waste. Dan Ultunno, or just shortened Dan, I can just call my best bud. He hails from Elmwood's sister town, Briddan, a crappy, industrial town filled with do-rag toting residents and a Board of Ed that hogs all of the money, neglecting to use it to upgrade the town's cruddy status. But Dan loves Briddan with a passion, and I'm not much different about quaint, suburbia Elmwood, where nothing seems to happen. But with two great towns so close to each other, we've been friends for almost a lifetime, friends together since Miss Grendhert and Ultunno linked up in High School and found their matches. From then on, we stuck to each other, and in a result, you'll rarely ever see me without trusty Dan by my side.vice versa.
(If you were wondering why Dan goes to a Elmwood school, it's because his neighborhood borderlines with my town.)
But actually, Dan is one hell of a troublemaker. His dad seems to forget the meaning of limits, well, limits to Dan's ever-growing collection and interest in fireworks and fire pokemon (You should check out his backpack.you'll learn.eventually.) He even got so interested, in fact, that he is actually planning on his first bottle-rocket launching weapon, Chunky Monkey. That boy is fascinated by all sorts of weapons and devices that he even tinkers away in his basement workshop, coming up with all sorts of inventions ranging from a Kingler Cigar slicer to a mechanical Machamp that he hopes to take Tony's house out with, which an predicts will sport a lot of so-called destructive weapons.
Tony? Well, I'll explain later. (I guess I REALLY have to get to school.) Anyway, after our short conversation, we took a deep breath and broke into a run, rounding the corner of my lengthily street. We didn't take a school bus: we couldn't stand it and we lived too close to our school to actually care anyhow. Plus, there was another reason we had to walk, and the bus wouldn't stop for it in the first place.
"Dude!" Dan pulled me over and showed me our next destination.
There it was: the Poke Mart. All of the pokemon goods, junk food, swimsuit magazines and lottery tickets all coalesced and located conveniently under the roof of a purely rectangular building owned by a Hindu cashier. This enormous chain of convenient stores lies scattered all over the continents of Navia, and the mainland Ceiceiel with it's own shares. Whether it's a quick bag of Sun Flora Flora potato chips for low- priced after school action or a sneaky Pika Pie for those boring Trigonometry periods that never seem to end, Poke Marts are just golden, and they seem to be there just when you need em'. You must think we're crazy, since convenience stores are just convenience stores, but to a burnout pair of friends like me and Dan, you don't know how much we revere them.
"Cooooool," Dan trailed off.
"Let's get some munchies," I grinned,"The ones at school are overpriced, anyways."
Pika, Pika. That greeting we all knew and loved so well; the tacky, electronic noise of the Pikachu-themed motion sensor located by the door. The both of us congregated into the back, where we marveled at all of the pokemon training merchandise.
"Sweet," I picked up a dozen case, filled with pokemon capturing balls,"When we get our PTL's, we're gonna be cycling through these rather quickly."
".Wow!" Dan handled a couple bottles of pokemon restoration potions,"Cool Gatorade! I wanna get some of this stuff!"
"Calm down, Dan," I taunted back,"Have you ever sipped that stuff before? Tastes like a bar of soap from the locker rooms. Plus, I don't have that much money."
"Yeah you do!" Dan complained.
"No, I don't."
"Yeah!" Dan kicked my pocket,"Yeah you do!"
"No I.oh, fine." I filed one finger through my wallet; thirty-six dollars, all in singles.
"You STILL make money that way?" Dan snickered.
"Accumulating all of my mom's lunch money up to now?" I asked,"Yup."
"Ha ha ha!!" Dan chuckled out loud, making someone by the coffee machines spill their mug on himself,"Skye! You definitely need a job."
"Why, huh?" I asked,"The hours are pretty demanding.and doing the same repetitive thing over and over can really get on your nerves.have you even met any managers these days?"
".I guess. But at least you're fed."
"Corruption at an early age, I tell you," I stated,"Well, we better hurry and stock up on goodies; there's no use groveling at something I won't be using."
As we headed over to the cash, Dan tried to cheer me up,"Aw, Skye. We only have a week of school before we're out.for good!"
"Yeah, I guess until the next year starts."
When we arrived at the counter, we slammed down some accumulated snacks, where the cashier, Sabu, prepared to ring up our purchases.
"Hello, Skye and Dan!" Sabu answered in his usual Indian accent.
"Hey, Sabu," both of us answered at the same time.
"How are things for you two this morning?"
"Ok," both of us simultaneously replied.
"Why do you say, OK?" Sabu asked, turning away and talking to himself,"Ok about being a half hour late to school? I see much negligence in these two.well, what brings you here?"
"I can't explain." I sighed.
".We'll be quick," Dan answered.
"Fine, I'll just have to see what you got." Sabu pulled each of our items closer,"The usual.three packages of Jiggly Puff Puffs.two strawberry Pika Pies, my favorite."
Dan added to the load, bringing over more items.
"Dan, I don't have that much cash."
".Four Voltorb chocolate balls." Sabu continued to ring up,".A bottle of mocha Hoot Hoot.four packages of Sun Flora Flora potato chips."
"Aww, Skye!" Dan laughed,"What else are you gonna buy with that money, anyway?"
"Well, I'm convinced that if I save up, I know that something sudden and magical will happen."
"Don't be a penny loafer, Skye!" Dan cajoled,"You're a long way from a car by two ears and a couple grand, my friend."
".Yeah, I lost my patience." I answered,"Dan.did you forget the cherry pop?"
"Oh yeah!" Dan ran back and returned with a 12-pack of our savored soda, plus a trial 12-ounce of Yellow Popsi for me to try.
"Cool!" ".Oh, this is going up," Sabu began bagging,".Three Mew Pops.satisfying.four CleFluffy cheesecakes.(Dan flinches for some reason.).a package of Cyndaquil Poppers.oh, spicy! And the usual.are you sure you don't mind being late to school?" "Well, we already ARE late.carpe diem." "Seize the day." Dan translated, dragging his sentence,".In Latin." Sabu ignored a response to my comment,".Smart guy you are, Skye. Is that it for your purchases?" "I almost forgot!" both me and Dan replied at the same time,"Two Extra Large Squirtle Slurpees." "Yeah, the Super Big Gulps." Dan pointed out. "And that.and that.sums it all up to." Sabu flinched when he saw the final outcome of all of our treats, after hearing the ring from his cash register,".Thirty four, sixty five is your sub total." "Holy crap," I gasped. "At least they're our usual ever-addictive choices," Dan added,"It's chow time!" "Careful, you two!" Sabu preached,"The food you are about to endlessly consume contains much saturated fats and needless carbohydrates! That could lead to intense obesity and ever painful cramps and sores!" "But, Sabu." Dan sighed,"You work a Poke Mart." "What are you saying?" Sabu asked, interrupted. "Convenience store owners are supposed to support diets like that in order to retain their businesses.you gotta be a little more competitive, Sabu; be glad that people are indulging heavily upon your Pokemon themed fatty snacks." "Because you're the one benefiting!" I added as we finally exited the Poke Mart doors with our bundle,"See ya around, Sabu." "Good point. Maybe as soon as school ends, knowing you two," Sabu closed our interaction even when the door closed,"Thank you, come again!" On the way out, I was gripping the bottle of Yellow Popsi, viewing it's contents. "Let's see what's in this stuff." I became intrigued,".That you're so hyped up about." ".Like you can look under the cap and bet another one for free!" Dan grinned. "Not that," I viewed the ingredients,"Carbonated water.High Fructose.Corn Syrup." "That's in everything," both of us added in unison. I continued,"Sodium Benzoate.Erythoric acid.a bunch of creepy looking chemicals I cannot even comprehend to pronounce.of course, the natural and artificial flavors and.yikes." "Dude?" "Yellow 5; 99.9 percent," I gasped,"Shame what effect it could have on your sex drive.sad." I leapt over a crack in the sidewalk, though Dan didn't catch sight on it and tripped, so I helped him up. ".Or so it's rumored." "Actually," Dan sighed,"Depleted under-the-covers action with the chicks or not, both of us could win some pretty serious pokemon-training cash!" "Are you serious?" I asked. ".That could help," Dan went on,"OR possibly.free Hubastinky tickets!" "Hmm," I predicted,"Based on the odds, That kind of opportunity would be much less likely to happen than people actually believing that a spider was the cause of Michael Jackson's imprisonment." "I guess so.but it's still worth endless amounts of devoted pocket change!"
"Thanks to Sabu." "Sabu can work wonders for our mornings." "By supporting us with his ever prolific stock of junk food!" I replied,"I'm surprised we're actually keeping our physical education fitness scores with the kind of diet we eat.Gee, I must have one maniacal metabolism." "But your money." Dan poked at my now dusty wallet, which was accidentally lodging itself free from my pockets,"That had to hurt, real bad."
".Well, it works. It's another couple weeks of hogging lunch money, but it works, almost too well."
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ROMAN BATTLE TACTICS
"Salve," Mr. Shoksman greeted his tedious, first period class,"Today in Latin, we'll be learning about Roman battle tactics, used around early 795 B.C. You may have seen much of them in movies like Gladiator during Russel Crowe's glory days.but Hollywood portrays such things as mere entertainment, and those days were often a little more abstract than they were truly reenacted back then. Does anyone have any ideas of what a true aspect of a Roman battle strategy?
One of the students from Briddan stood up with his hand raised. Before he made his statement, he made a common tongue sound before saying,"(Click.) Dey put dat face paint on n' charge into duh fray?"
From there, the whole class was roaring with laughter.
".Close, Jamal," Mr. Shoksman answered,"But not really. That was going on in Scotland with Braveheart. This is about Roman soldiers, not Kevin Cosner.Now."
The class was immediately interrupted as both me and Dan brusquely trudged into class, each of us carrying an almost evenly distributed plastic bag of junk food and a massive, keg-like slushee cup under our armpits.
"Salve, Mr. Shoksman!" I cheerfully replied, even though it wasn't the right mood to be in thinking of the time,"You missed us, huh?"
"Salve!" Dan lugged his backpack and snacks over to his desk next to a curly-haired student named Tackus. Meanwhile, I stepped forwards to greet the angry-faced Latin teacher.
"Salve and vale." Mr. Shoksman rubbed his sweat-covered brow.
"Whatcha sayin' goodbye for?" I grinned.
Reverberating in the background was a suckling sound coming from the slushee cup that Dan was sipping uncontrollably through an oversized straw.
"Lemme get some of dat Squirtle Slurpee," a classmate asked.
"Get your own," Dan taunted slowly turning his head back to engage himself upon his drink again.
".Skye, is that a hall pass?" Mr.Shoksman pointed to the slip of paper that was barely hanging on between my fingers.
"No, that's a note from my mom!" I shrugged off the burden from the snack bag that was hanging off the same arm,"Read it, translate it, something."
Mr. Shoksman peered me right in the eye with a stern look as if to challenge my credibility, then slowly unrolled the paper. Then, he began to read the note out loud.
"Dear Mr. Shok guy.?"
"Huh?" I thought (I wasn't the one who wrote the letter.)
".Please excuse my son Ski Grid dirt for being late and stuff," Mr. Shoksman let off a suspicious giggle,"He had a severe case of the bubonic plague, broke out like a dirty Germanic barbarian and had to take an antibiotic with side effects that gave him a persistent, unneeded tingling of the Celtic sword and an unexpected addiction to flogging himself in the forehead with a Bible. That disabled his ability to go to school.so I."
I turned back to Dan, and angrily made threatening gestures while Mr. Shoksman was reading the letter very diligently. Dan put his hands up in surrender like he wanted me to show mercy.
".Force-feed my son flea-proof, wheat germ through a funneled lance.?" Mr. Shoksman hurled the letter to the desk,"Who wrote this letter, Skye? Is this a sign of forgery?"
".Um.no?" a shiver-like chuckle ran through the entire class, who was eavesdropping upon our conversation.
"This is the fourth letter I've gotten this month, Skye! First time, it was wild pokemon rabies. Then, it was homework-induced seizures.and the third time, it was a combination of both.plus scabies. And now, it's the bubonic plague, and your mother can't even spell your name right.is she illiterate or something? Do I have to ask you what you are trying to tell me in this letter?"
"Want me to translate?" I nervously gasped, attaching a corny, robotic voice,"Dear Mr. Shoksman, make it Ok for Skye Grendhert to be in class late. Heavens to Ho-oh don't give Skye Grendhert a Saturday detention. Thanks, signed Marcy Grendhert."
Coping with an off-the-wall classroom, Mr. Shoksman appeared to be at the pique of his annoyance,".Normally, I'd deal with this in a level one disciplinary manner, but because you have brought in a note with a.slightly correct signature, I'd just have to claim this as an unexcused tardy."
"Unexcused? But I."
"Skye, you forgot to visit the main office and verify your presence." Mr. Shoksman explained,"But since you had the note, it's unexcused.It could've been worse! Now, to your seat."
Pushing my way down the aisle of desks (and avoiding the foot of a kid who tried to trip me on the way there.) I finally made it to my seat, which was placed right convieniently near Dan's. I immediately greeted my friend with a clutch around his throat.
"Huh huh," Dan giggled,"Mr. Shokman called you a tard."
But I replied with no less than a given-away insinuation of annoyance.
"Skye! What's with the bully look?"
"Hey, Dan!" I grumbled,"Considering the mood I'm in, I could rip you to pieces right now.but you obviously ARE lucky because the school code forbids that. Though maybe I won't make it your job to write my late notes anymore."
"Aww, c'mon Skye," Dan urged,"Gimme a chance.Why? You don't like my notes?" Both of us looked up, trying to listen for our new Sententiae, Latin words of wisdom that we were often quizzed on. Other than that, it was a long, pointless period of trailing off. ".My notes aren't cool anymore?"
"Because of your stupid notes I probably won't have a cool Pokemon license, that's why. And when that's on the line because you stated that I was infected with a sickness that doesn't even exist anymore or something bogus like that, you know how desperate I am."
"Desperate?"
"Yeah," I shook my head, letting the air drift out, sticking up my fingers,"I was supposed to get one THREE years ago. You count, three."
"Skye, that's two," Dan corrected me.
"That's because my other three are trying to support this candy bag I'm constantly investing into," I let my arm rest,"Dan, you get the idea. I hope you learned something.I want my pokemon license, and I'm sure you do too. I don't like being in this loser state forever."
Mr. Shoksman interrupted his lesson just to quiet us down, or so we thought. He had heard every exact concluding word that I mentioned.
"Pokemon?" Mr. Shoksman slowly approached us,"Pokemon, you're talking about? Well, well, Mr. Grendhert and Mr. Ultunno, you could learn a bit of a lesson I have to offer."
Both of us were stunned with our mouths shut as the teacher continued.
"These two boys here are the epitome of a person's hubris, or unstoppable pride which often leads to the downfall of that person. This is often seen in Greek writing, where tragic heroes like Odysseus fall to their own ambition and pride in the form of a tragic crescendo, and face their own consequences.in that case, I'll see you both after class."
As on cue, the Pokeball-shaped bell that signified the end of the period rung in our ears.
"Well, that's it," Mr. Shoksman concluded,"Another class end without any progression through the lesson book whatsoever due to a number of DISTRACTIONS.!"
"Hooray!" the entire class cheered as they flooded out the door with their backpacks, while Mr. Shoksman leered at us.
"Don't forget, class," Mr. Shoksman called out to rushing ears,"Homework, tonight.Catellus reading, Carmen 3 on pages 20-144, questions 1-40, lines 11-88 on each one.Skye, Dan, come here."
Both of us stepped forwards, with mirrored expressions; I sulked with my head down while Dan giggled through his teeth and emitted a fake, toothy smile.
"I don't want to hear anymore talk of this Pokemon license." Mr. Shoksman smacked our chests with a heavy finger,"As for you two, I'll be calling your parents tonight."
"Crap," I sighed.
".You may go," Mr. Shoksman ushered us away,"And."
While we were leaving, both of us replied,"Yeah?"
"You better be ready for the upcoming final exams."
"Thanks for embarrassing me, dip-weed," I complained,"Mom's gonna be pissed when she hears from a.k.a Russell Crowe."
"You're welcome!" Dan grinned,"As for my mom, she probably won't care. But before he calls I'd have cut the line anyway."
"WHEEH!!" we heard a familiar, throaty noise from the other end of the ever-populated hallway.
"It's Dylan!" I shouted as both me and Dan flocked over to a group of six black hoodie wearing kids that all of us knew so well. Dylan is another friend that I know in school, who just became a freshman. Brown haired, energetic, and always ready to sling a D-20, Dylan and his friends are greatly emerged into role-playing epics. Accompanying him was Tyler and Kevin, two boys that Dan was more friends with, ever obsessed with Duskulls and Shuppets and into creating practical jokes and recording their progress and people's reactions. And to add to the wild bunch was Dylan's ever-whining girlfriend, Jill, who seemed to be more of a liability than an asset to Dylan, who always persistently wanted to be with him. A red-faced, football player and heavyweight wrestling kid named Jeff accompanied Dylan most of the time. And finally, a horizontally- challenged, enormous boy with buzzed hair named Scott Burg, who we all dub as, A.K.A.Burger.
Greeting the clique in our usual way (With the secret pound.) Dylan asked me,"What's eatin' you today, Skye?" "Why don't you ask him?" I replied,"Other than that, I think I'm cool." Dan explained his poor effort to keep me in class to the entire group. "Whew.ownage," Jeff replied,"Skye must've not liked that one so much." "Hey," I grinned,"What's up, Burger?"
Scott lowered his massive fist to connect with mine. With that, he commented in a barely audible, low voice,"Hey.cool." "Where's that fly license of yours?" Jill asked me in a snobbish way,"Mommy keeping it away again?" "Dude, lighten up Jill," Dylan shrugged, then whispered into my ear,"Stalker." Meanwhile, Dan was talking to Kevin and Tyler. "You won't believe it!" Tyler got excited,"We got the fourteenth DKY video! It's the best, Dan! You gotta see it!" "Really?" Dan asked. "And you know what Bam Margera does this time?" Kevin added,"He jumps off the 50th floor of the Silph Co. building, dressed only in a pair of bunny underpants, holding a basket of eggs!" "It's AWESOME!"
"What about a guy jumping off a building?" I asked,"That stuff is fake. He had to have a parachute."
"I think he did." Tyler answered,"Then the clip cut to the DKY people tripping in the middle of some random pokemon battles."
"It was AWESOME!" Kevin amplified.
"You got the homework for Mr. Mido's?" I asked,"Huh Dylan?"
"I don't think so," Dylan answered,"Just an excess flow of handouts telling us not to do it and so on. I think that's it. But really, what's going on?"
"Ah," I sighed,"Mr. Shoksman is gonna call my mom today about some class incident. That could cost me my PTL, seriously."
"Dude, that sucks," Jeff answered.
"Really?" Tyler and Kevin came in.
"Yeah."
"We could photocopy some tickets for the next DKY concert," Tyler tried to cheer me up,"You can come along and see what'll happen!"
"."
"You can be the cameraman."
"OK, I'll think about it."
"I don't want to be late!" Jill complained,"Hurry up, Dylan! C'mon."
"Alright, alright!" Dylan sighed.
"Gotta go," Burger added.
With that, all of our friends but Tyler and Kevin remained with us.
"Anyway," Kevin asked,"You gotta hear what we did yesterday."
"Fire away."
"Kevin recorded one of those buckets driven by Team Aqua coming up our turf in Briddan," Tyler explained, trying to hold back his laughter,"And I."
"Team Aqua, those Pokemon Gangsters in town?" I asked,"Don't tell me."
"Tyler just runs up and NAILS.!!" Kevin laughed with his friend,".Nails the side window with a ball of Snubbull crap this big, man, this big, and makes off with both of their drivers chasing him down the street.!"
".They got tired as far as the industrial sector," Tyler continued,"I hid somewhere while they got back in the car and turned down the corner to Brook Street.man, it was AWESOME, man."
"Truly."
"What a lunatic," I giggled,"You're lucky to have that DKY running speed.Team Aqua people will shoot you someday, you know."
"But who cares?" Tyler answered,"I got off with the whole stunt.And I guarantee they didn't see what I looked liked either."
"Yeah, man, it was awesome."
The late bell went off, and immediately, I closed the conversation,"Well, we gotta get to Mr. Mito's Heath class now. Sorry."
"Ah, he won't care," Tyler grinned.
"Well, that's if we wan our PTL's anytime soon," Dan spoke up,"Skye's kinda pissed at me, so I don't want to take any chances."
"Kinda?" I sighed.
While we ran off for class trying to dodge the many people filling the hallways, Kevin shouted,"If you don't get that PTL, we'll get one for you!"
"Yeah!" Tyler answered,"We'll get you a PTL! We'll photocopy it for you!"
"OR you both can just meet us at the Poke Mart after school.ah, forget it."
"It'll be awesome, Kevin!"
"They're already gone, dude."
Both of us burst through the doors of our heath class, located in the darkest corner of the school, ad rushed to our seats just in time as Mr. Mito wearily turned to face the class, concealing a whiskey bottle under his desk.
Mr. Mito, unlike the white-bearded Mr. Shoksman, was a tall, muscular man with large shoulders, a defined build and a small, shiny bald head. He wore only a tank top and torn blue jeans, and his arms were tattooed with the designs of some fierce pokemon's. There was even a prisoner identification number imprinted upon his shoulder.
"Think Vin Diesel," Dan laughed to me.
"Sup, class," Mr. Mito growled,"Ready to learn good things?"
All of us sat in our chairs, trembling and terrified of our unpredictable teacher's next move. While he paced back and forth, an unruly student immaturely squeaked out,"You're not even a real teacher, Mr. Mito!" with a quick glare, the student withdrew back into his chair.
"Um." he spaced out, not moving his eyes,".Don't do drugs."
"Ok," the whole class replied.
"Skye, the guy really isn't a real teacher," Dan laughed.
Mr. Mito raised one hand, which had a broken handcuff on it,"I'm on parole."
".Ok."
".Um." Mr. Mito wrote on the board a brief schedule of what we were to expect in the next couple of days. The expression he gave us wasn't one of much enthusiasm.
6/13 Gangs Movie
6/18 Health Test
6/21 Poke Progress Due
"Poke Progress!?" the whole class gasped.
"Yeah," Mr. Mito hurled the marker through the window, shattering a pane and breaking the class out of their trance. Looking at the amount of holes in the window itself, you could tell that this behavior was common. ".It's due today."
"No it's not!" Dan called out,"On the 21st."
".Today?"
"Yeah!"
".You're con-foosing me," Mr. Mito slapped the blackboard,"So shut up, ALL of you."
"But." a student yelped.
"You heard me! Get lost!"
".Fine!" the student picked up his books, shoved them into his backpack and stomped out of the classroom, while mumbling,".You stupid inmate!"
Once the door slammed shut, all laughter and giggling ceased as Mr. Mito gripped his scalp tightly while proceeding to his desk again to take a swig of whiskey, then continued with his lesson.
".Poke Progress." he grumbled,"I swear I gave it to all of you three months ago. Right?"
"No!" the class blared.
"When did Mr. Clean give any projects, or care about pokemon!?" another random student mumbled.
"Shut up, you little grease ball!" Mr. Mito declared,"If I never gave you all this project.grr.I'll just have to give it out again!"
The class watched anxiously as the teacher ripped out a massive cardboard box with the logo of the Elmwood Academy High School on it, and sliced it open with a bowie knife he had in his pocket in mere record time. The contents were a strange white computer, many wires, and at least thirty yellow Pichu dolls.
"Damn!" I shouted.
"I'm the one that's supposed to say damn around here.um.uhh." Mr. Mito scratched his head trying to think of my name,"Uh."
".Skye."
"Yeah, Squat, Skrit, Skat, whatever. I don't care about names," Mr. Mito held up one of the Pichu dolls for all of us to see. MY most wanted pokemon Pichu was a pale, yellow mouse-like pokemon, with huge, floppy diamond-shaped ears with an adorable hue of black on the tips of them. The doll stared back at the whole class with huge, marble-like eyes that showed ever so cutely from it's oval-shaped head. We were also greeted by the Pichu doll's over-exaggerated grin.
"Don't tell me that's the."
"Oh, man."
While the class marveled, one kid called out,"Dude, who said he could bring a machete to school!?"
".Crap," I sighed.
"But dude!" Dylan hissed through his teeth across another student to communicate,"I thought you wanted a Pichu too."
"But.not the." I gasped,".The."
"Hey, shut up you rats," Mr. Mito extended his arm with the Pichu doll in it,"This is the Poke Progress Project that the towns of Elmwood and Briddan worked together to make.this project."
"That you were supposed to give us three months ago!" Dylan spoke up.
"Three months.whatever."
"But dude, we need more time! The vacation."
"What vacation?" Mr. Mito continued,"What kind of leisure did I have in prison? None, nihil, nada! Do you think that I'm gonna make your life like the care bears sleepover or something?"
"But dude.!"
"Deebo!"
"But dude."
"DEEBO!"
"DUUDE!"
"Get out of my class!" Mr. Mito shouted.
"What class!?" Dylan cursed when he stomped out of the classroom,"And dude, my name's Dylan, not DEEBO!"
"Yeah, Mr. Mi-dope!" Jill added, following her boyfriend.
"Oh, diss-age," Jeff added. "Huh, huh, dope," Burger giggled deeply, following the rest of his friends last out of the class, still chuckling lengthily. Mr. Mito showed no delay in continuing on with the lesson.after his usual swig of firewater. ".Listen up, you grease balls," Mr. Mito continued,"The town wants to pump you up before you all go off pokemon training and stuff by measuring how you do with a mechanical dummy. Over a three month time period, how well you treat the Pichu will be monitored through the doll's inside.thinking thingie.uh.what was it called?" "Internal computer?" "Thanks, chump.the infernal composer," Mr. Mito didn't care how well the accuracy of his words were,"It measures how much you feed it, play with it, sleep with it, do homework with it.watch chick flicks with it.get into fights with it.drink with it." "Huh?" most students gasped. "Drink?" Mr. Mito warned,"Don't do that, ok? It's bad." ".Ok, Mr. Mito." ".Ok," Mr. Mito answered,"Now, after the three months, I take back all of the Pichus, and this white machine here reads the results of how good you made it feel. So pretty much." Mr. Mito hunched his shoulders and leaned over, holding the Pichu doll just under his chin.
".It doesn't go AWAY." "Oh, man!" Dan whispered,"Skye, It's pretty much the old egg baby project." "Except much, much harder," I answered,"AND peeving. But at least it doesn't shatter and stain your clothes." "Unless it's that Bouncy Bouncy Baby Me 2000-10 they've been sponsoring on TV," Dan joked,"The one that actually wets itself!" "Wets itself.?" "Well, there's your new pokemon for ya," Dan snickered back, keeping an eye on Mr. Mito just in case he checked on us,"Heh heh." "It's a low-budget high school sitcom's worst nightmare!" I concluded. "Other than the closing statement of advising you NOT to fail and retake this class because I hate teaching stuff to all of you so much, any questions or stupid comments that I did something wrong?" Almost the entire class raised their hands at once. Slapping his forehead, Mr. Mito walked a full circle around all of the desks growling until he eventually picked.me. "Alright, Scratch. What is it?" "Stupid comment that you did something wrong," I answered with attitude. "Ok.fire away." "How come you're giving us this project, which needs a three month time span.and that we only have les than 10 days of school left??" Mr. Mito leaned on my desk for a moment, exhaling loudly. Then, he grabbed both collars of my vest with the grip like that of one of those fighting pokemon that was impersonated on those tattoos. Then, he lowered his eyes with mine, those eyes like a Tauros ready to charge!
".Because they'll put me back in the slammer!" he whined in my face, literally pulling me out of my chair and onto my knees!
"Aaah!!" I choked out in surprise.
Mr. Mito shoved me back into my seat, then stomped back to the whiteboard and hurled another marker right through the glass again, but this time it really didn't shock anyone.
"Just ta let you know," Mr. Mito explained,"Illegal Pokemon activities put me in prison. So don't do that, ok? We'll be watching a movie tomorrow about Pokemon Gangs and stuff. So, come up and get your Pichu doll. Gotta do that, ok?"
The whole class got to their feet and lined up, joining their friends and cliques. Me and Dan lined up together, and chattered like the rest of the class did.
"Dude, it's not fair." I sighed,"Our grades.and my PTL.could be affected by this greatly!"
"In that case," Dan answered,"If you do good on this, it'll raise your grade greatly! Ever thought of that?"
"Easier said than done."
"Aw, Skye," Dan grinned,"I think you'll do good."
"What about you?" I asked,"What do you think?"
"With a little 8-year old brother." Dan scratched his head,".An unpredictable father, a bossy mother and a lifetime streak of starting fires with common household items."
I awaited a finish to his sentence.
".EEP!" Dan squeaked like a panicked Pichu.
"Come n' get it, runts," Mr. Mito assigned both me and Dan our Pichu doll, and an instructional manual just in case we had any questions (Trust me, we didn't want to hear flak about not hearing any details from Mr. Mito, and I know you wouldn't either, guaranteed.)
Once all of us were seated, it took a sharp 5 minutes to get the class to shut up. Mr. Mito had to get us under control by clapping his hands.
"Now, ready for this one?" Mr. Mito raised one finger to strike a key on the machine that would eventually start our Pichus up,"Once I press the key, you gotta say hey to it and stuff. Make this one all good, ok?"
"Ok, Mr. Mito." the whole class murmured.
Zap! The mechanical creatures were instantly brimming to the top with life, and were definitely in no need of repletion. Their paws and big feet swayed from side to side energetically, the diamond ears rotated quickly, and their eyes flashed random colors of the rainbow spectrum.
"Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU!"
"Ah, I can barely hold onto it," I laughed,"In a way, it seems like a real Pichu."
"Please don't wet me," Dan prayed,"Please don't wet me.!"
"AH!" a shout from a student resounded throughout the room when her Pichu doll worked itself loose out of her arms and ran circles around the classroom with such quick moving feet that they could barely be seen. The girl ran desperately around, trying to catch it!
"Pi-CHU! Pi-PI-PI-CHU!!"
Now looking around, we soon learned that the mechanical Pichus weren't working the way that their momentary trainers desired them to. One Pichu was jumping on his trainer's head repetitively, while some others emitted sudden shocks of static electricity from their pink cheeks. One even got so worked up that smoke began to spout from the mechanism.
"Mr. Mito."
"What!?" Mr. Mito got up from his desk, seeing the smoke and hiding the whiskey again,"What are you sobbing about Vincent!?"
Before he could reply, the whole class yelped when the Pichu rocketed right into the ceiling so hard that it's head was all the way through the fiberglass tiles! Fragments of the ceiling fell and littered the poor student and his desk with dust. The Pichu was still squirming around when the bell rung.and the teacher already had his bottle through the window.
The dawn of an epic journey begins with a platinum-haired teenager named Skye Grendhert, and his pyro-friend Dan.who have to earn their Pokemon Training Licenses! But won't that be a tad difficult due to the following? Now, let Pokemon X BEGIN!!!
"Ah, The License!"
Floating. This time they had to make me float in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Everywhere I looked, I only saw the blackness of the abyss around me. With nothing occurring, I was already growing incredibly impatient and called out to anyone, but the only response I got was my resounding echo. Heck, they could've thrown me into the middle of a Greek Orthodox service or something, but whatever was controlling these nightmares decided to conveniently to drop me into a pit of darkness for me to idle away just to take my mind off falling to my impeding doom. And boy, doesn't it top it off any more than being dropped into an endless void without a bungee cord. Suddenly, a radiant flash of light came past the corner of my eyes, and already curious, I looked down to see just what was up next. A vivid whirlpool of white light was gradually expanding before me, and I was wondering when I'd eventually be sucked up into it. But it didn't seem to be drawing closer any time soon. From within the white whirlpool, three shadowy, canine-like figures appeared before me while flakes of red, blue and yellow energy began to radiate off of them. They must be the legendary pokemon that for a lifetime, spoke much to me in my dreams. Most of their words were either about the future, Armageddon, or just loose-lipped crap I could barely interpret. Nor could I barely identify these three mysterious figures, since they always had to come as apparitions. ".Skye.Skye." ".Skye." "What!?" I asked aggressively,"Do you always have to address me an unnecessary amount of times!?" ".Skye." "Who are you guys?" I asked,"C'mon, tell me." ".Skye." "C'mon!" ".Skye." That topped it. "What the heck!" I shouted,"Let me out of here!" "Hero." the blue, feminine-voiced spirit soared over me,"Accept your quest!" "NOOOOOOO!!" I screamed. The yellow-framed shadow meandered for a minute, before warning,".We know where you LIVE!" ".NOOOOOOO!!" The light then burned with such an intensity that it strained my eyes even when I forced them as shut as they could get. How much I longed for it to end.
Then; Slam, bam, thank you Indiglo, pokeball-themed alarm clock. 6 in the morning. Resisting my mom's calling, my friend screaming from outside, and the clock's buzzing itself, I slammed the alarm clock off it's stand, heard it go bam by my night table, and sarcastically thanked the god phoenix pokemon, Ho-oh, for making me bounce between wacky trances and the morning graveyard shift. Why? Why does it have to come to me every night? These nightmares have a meaning.they must.but what? So far, I've written down most of these memoirs in a small notebook that I keep under my bed. I then drearily looked over what I had collected so far in my dreams; the voices of my missing father and brother, and visions of events that as I know, were yet to come. Much of them involved villainous pokemon trainers from Hoenn who dressed in blue and red.a wicked man with a pure white creature that was driven mad by some alphabetical pokemon and plotted revenge against humanity.
Visions of I displaying the powers of the phoenix.and his blood that ran in my veins.and an evil organization that desired to take it from me by all means; one terrorist organization that was brought to justice twice, but my senses told me that it was on the rise again, and this time possessing an even greater power.
What was it called again? Team.Roc.nah. That was my best interpretations of these phrases coming from an anonymous source. These visions have caressed my unconsciousness for my entire life, like a movie full of meaningless hiatuses. And I have been trying to pause this movie to find out it's meaning. But it's like I'm strapped down to my seat and my eyes are being peeled open to view these befuddling scenes.
I will find their meaning. And even to the day I die, I will not breathe my last until I know what I am being presented before.
"SKYYYYYE!" my mom shouted up to me with an un-needed sweet voice,"Time to wake up for school!" "Hey, SKYE!" my friend Dan screamed from the driveway below, adding to the fun,"SKYE!" "Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!" I complained, leaning on a couple of pokemon training and HubaStinky (One of me and Dan's favorite bands.) posters, while hobbling over to the window. There was Dan, barely visible in the pale morning light. Again, he donned his trusty red hoodie with the pokeball crest where his neck was. As my best friend shot his gaze up at me, his hood fell down to his shoulders, exposing his spiky mahogany hair. "Skye!" Both sighing and yawning wearily at the same time, I asked,"What do you want, Dan?" Suddenly, he hurled a plastic, 20-oz bottle up in my direction. The bottle brushed past my shoulder and landed right on my fresh blue carpet, dripping of a yellow fluid. "Skye-punzel, Skye-punzel, throw down your hair!" Dan snickered at my long platinum hair, which was un-conditioned and messy, draping random sections of my face. ".Actually, Dan," I restated, combing my long hair back,"I was expecting a more practical response for the ruckus you're making.and you better pray to god whatever that yellow fluid is draining onto my carpet won't leave an indelible stain." "Why?" "Because it's coming out of your paycheck." ".Honey, get ready for SCHOOL!" ".Ma! Hold on!" I shouted back, then looking down at my friend,"Then what are you so excited about?" "Dude, look!" Dan signaled from the floor below, but I didn't get what he was trying to insinuate me to do,"The bottle, man!" Recovering the yellow plastic bottle off my carpet, I stuck a big toe into the penny-sized drip while I turned back to the window,".This?" "Last night.!" Dan leapt up and down,"Dude, they came out with Yellow Popsi!"
Sighing with excessive annoyance, I worded,".Yellow?"
"Yeah!" Dan grinned,"Yeah, man. They launched the delivery a couple days ago, and they were expected to arrive at our Poke Mart at 12:01 A.M sharp. I waited there at the front door for hours, Skye! You wouldn't believe it!"
".How was it.?" I stared blankly back at him.
"Skye, I was wishing you were there with me to see it!" Dan still expended such energy for the crack of dawn,"Man, you didn't know how pumped I was to pop the top off that satisfying, refreshing new beverage, to indulge upon it's lemony brokenness."
".And to savor a long, long, LONG relieving visit to the bathroom," I laughed,"From the volume of how much cherry pop you consume a day, my friend, you'd leak like a Rapidash who just ran circles around Sydney."
".Gee, I'd wonder what that would feel like?" Dan asked stupidly.
"Like puking outside a Dublin bar on the sidewalk," I grinned, stretching by back and turning away,"But speaking of bathroom, I have to take a shower. I'll see you downstairs."
But as I turned to look down at the driveway, Dan already split towards my back door.
".OR maybe not."
--------------------------------------------------
"Good morning, Skye!" Mom opened her arms as I descended the stairs, preparing for an embrace with the caliber of a polar bear.
"AAAAHGH!" I choked, gasping for breath. When she released me, there was Dan, casually sitting at the dining room table with a heap of pancakes before him.
"Hee hee, isn't that touchin'?" Dan snickered,"When you come down with a fever, does she bring you Chunky Soup?"
"Oh, you shut up," I replied in jest.
"I made pancakes for you, honey," my mom showed me to the table with my own stack of the cakes,"I'm also leaving you your lunch money on the counter here for school."
"Hey, Dan!" I tried to be a benevolent host by going over to the fridge,"What do you want to drink with those pancakes?"
"Get me some yellow Popsi!"
".Hm, we haven't gone shopping recently.say, you can either have water or this random bottle of mango-flavored B-12 women's formula that's sitting neglected back here. Take your pick."
"I'll.take water," Dan shrugged, indulging himself. Syrup and crumbs were soon adorning his lips.
"Sheesh," I laughed,"You eat with the etiquette of an Ursaring."
"Do I?" Dan laughed,"Who's the one dripping syrup onto his primo PikaForce T-shirt? It's sure not me."
"Ah!" I laughed, pointing at Dan,"You Sneasel!"
While we were laughing, my mom drew closer to listen on us while we ate.
"Did you do your Latin homework?" Dan grinned,"Damn, that Catellus. He's tough.and weird."
"You could read his work like a stoned Slowpoke. Couldn't understand one damn thing he's trying to explain."
Laughing again, my mom closed in and warned,"Watch your language, Skye."
"You mean, stoned?"
"No, Damn. Damn is a very naughty swear in this household," my mom flicked my shoulder with her index finger.
"No it isn't," I grinned, realizing that Dan was now chuckling at me,"What are you laughing at?"
"You can't say."
"Damn?" I asked.
"SKYE!" mom cursed. Dan resumed his laughing, exposing the chewed up food lying on his tongue.
"You keep your damn.I take that back, mom.your mouth shut, you," I warned,"And what's so wrong about damn??"
"Damn is very filthy.well, back then it was," my mom stared off,".But it still is now!"
"Mom, you read the Bible," I supported my thesis,"God says he damns bad things. Say, he does damn those Egyptians, ten times. And he damned two cities. And damned cheating. And say, doesn't he damn people to Hades?"
Both my mom and Dan stared back at me with disbelief. Dan's mouth though was all the way open, and the chewed up pancake/ orange juice mixture tumbled out of his mouth and onto his plate.
"Oh yeah, he does damn those Babylonians."
Mom appeared to be gradually enraged with my comments, starting to tremble with anger. I knew I had gone too far, but the last words tumbled out of my mouth.
".Doesn't he?"
"Skye, that's a week added." My mom solemnly added.
"A week of what? School? You didn't call the Board of Ed, did you?"
"No. That's the added delay time for your Pokemon Training License."
".WHAT!?"
"You heard me!" my mom answered,"That's for bad language in the Grendhert household."
Now, that wasn't good to hear. For a long time, I always wanted to be a pokemon trainer, so I had been cajoling my mother into getting it for me. But unfortunately, she delayed it.for months. Maybe a year.
"But mom.my grades are literally over the B minus range!" I protested,"I've been working so diligently on each and every homework assignment.been getting each one in on time."
"Damn!" Dan gasped, receiving a glare from my mother.
".They better be, my son," my mother answered.
"I'm sure they are," I tried to be honest "I mean over the A+ range." I grew annoyed,"You don't know what it feels like, mom. Everyone in my school has a job, an allowance, and a pokemon training license.you don't know how much I'm left out from everyone.It's like.like."
"What, Skye?" my mom asked.
"Like J.D Salinger?" Dan came in.randomly,"That guy could use a girl."
"NO!.It's like.I'm not even.existing!" I sighed,"Everyone is asking to challenge me to a pokemon duel and.you know how hard it is to degrade yourself and say no?"
"Well, my son, "my mom answered,"I never became a trainer myself. Other than some of the little kids who like and appreciate pokemon as pets, those people who become battlers evolve from sweethearts into rugged, dirty- mouthed gangsters who'll spell disaster for a civilized culture! They'll bring doom and bad influence to kids like you! They're the cause of all of our human problems! Think of our CHILDREN!"
"What?" nobody could explain the confusion I was going through right now.
"I've met some of their parents before in Open House," my mom blabbered on,"They drive their moms and dads crazy! Don't you understand, Skye!? They come home at unreasonable hours! Some even don't return for almost a year! They give up their scholarships just to pursue some dirty pokemon fights and some crappy plastic chips."
"Gym badges?" I asked,"It doesn't work that way at all, mom. Not all of it."
"Unless you're from downtown Briddan," Dan smiled.
"Yeah, I know," I answered,"True ghetto-ness."
".And when have you heard of anyone becoming a so-called Pokemon Champion? Sheesh, my son, you can't be spoiling your youth trying to achieve such a pointless status."
"Unless you plan on being filthy damn rich!" Dan leapt up from his chair,"Oops."
".Dan."
".Our children are in danger!" my mom went on,"If you are doing this, my son."
"Mom."
".If you are blowing your GPA on some stupid tournament like the rest of them are, I swear, my son, you'll never see a cute, cuddly Snorunt in your arms for a long, long time!"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" I shouted, upset that I'd never see my favorite pokemon for a long time,"Well, mom. You're assuming things about the Pokemon League that aren't entirely true. Not every one of them are gangsters. They're not all dirty mouthed and rugged. And not all of them WANT to be pokemon masters."
".Unless you live in Briddan."
"That's kinda true, Dan," I grinned.
".But." my mom thought fast to come up with an excuse to prevent me from becoming a pokemon trainer,".My son, why don't you consider joining an after school club?"
I signified choking myself with Dan.
"Don't do that when I'm talking to you, my son!" my mom lightly nudged my shoulder,"How about running for Student Council?"
"That's for jocks."
"My son, how about the school newspaper?"
"Um.nah. That's for jocks who like to flatter people with articles about themselves. I'll pass."
".The yearbook club?"
".That's for jocks who like to take stupid pictures of cheerleaders and themselves after a long hangover. They eventually come to be known as Abercrombie and Fitch photographers."
".OR." my mom poked my shoulders,"You're a handsome, athletic young man. You should join a sport like basketball."
"I hate shorts."
"Football?"
"I can't stand it; all the players are loony, yowling jackals and their locker rooms smell like a Chucky Cheese's playscape that hasn't been cleaned recently. No thanks."
".Really?" Dan came in,"I play football.C'mon, Skye, aren't ya gonna join?"
".Um.no."
"Skye, the locker rooms ain't that bad. Now, c'mon, be a man.reconsider."
"Um.no."
Suddenly, Dan got up onto his feet and began to state,"And, another thing, man. It's like the jocks, man, they keep everything in line, man. It's the balance of gravity.without em, the burnouts would overrun the system. It's like survival of the fittest, without the Galapagos and all that Darwin crap, and it's like you know, freedom's knockin' on your door and when freedom's got you down, you gotta say,'Hey now, I gotta get up,' and you be just like, hey a bowl of peaches, man, because man, those other sports, they're for.for."
"Muckety mucks?" I asked.
".YEAH!" Dan continued,"You know, life's like a box of freakin' Frispy Frosting doughnuts; they're usually all the same thing! So, you gotta join the army.
"Dan.we were talking about after school activities."
"Oh.oops." (sweat drop.)
"How about squash?" Mom went on.
"That's pure suicide spelled on a racquet."
Finally, my mom went all out,"My son, how about Tennis, Hockey or the Ski Team? The Drill Club? Doesn't anything grab your attention?"
"To sum it all up, mom," I took a deep breath and looked back at my friend,"Tennis is played by muckety-muck rich, old people looking for the chance to make themselves look pretty. People throwing each other into the walls are the only thing that keeps me up during hockey's lagging overtimes.don't you remember the Elmwood VS. Briddan game that lasted for 11 periods?"
"Yeah, man," Dan grinned,"Your pussy town lost by a point."
Ignoring him, I continued,"We were up ALL night. It was worse than the overtime played in 1936 when the Montreal Maroons went at the Red Wings."
My mom was stunned by my rapid fire words. ".Actually, Dan," I sighed,"To correct you.We won."
".Oh.damn."
"And the Ski Team." I continued,"It's great and all that you get free trips to Blackthorn City and the Shoal Islands and stuff, but shamefully, I don't know how to ski.and the Drill Club; Mom, I'm not a girl with big, bouncy."
".PEACHES!!" Dan obliviously shouted, reaching for our fruit bowl. ".Incredible, my son," my mom marveled, interrupting me again,"I forgot how much of an adept comedian you were! I could sign you up for this nest year's school play."
"No thanks, mom. It's not like I love school or anything.and mom."
"Yes, my son?"
"I have a name."
"Oops," my mom giggled,"Sorry, Skye. I used to do that with your father."
"You don't love school!?" Dan randomly broke out of his trance,"Skye, what time is it!?"
"." I got up with Dan and stared blankly at the digital clock on our oven, immediately becoming frantic,"It's.15 to eight!? We're fifteen minutes late for school!"
"Oh man!" Dan shouted,"Mr. Shokman's gonna kill us!"
"Hurry up, Dan!" I shouted,"We gotta run to school!"
"Bye, Skye!" my mom planted a kiss onto both my cheeks, handing me my two dollars for lunch,"Have a good day."
"Yeah, mom, you too!" I replied as the both of us split out the door like if we were heading to the opening night of The Two Towers. But just as we were halfway by the driveway, my mom screamed,"Skye, your backpack.!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
"You don't believe what tripped-out dream I came up with last night, Dan."
"What, did you wet your sheets?" Dan asked.
".NO!" I shouted,"Don't you ever listen! Those three legendary pokemon came out of nowhere and started speaking about all this journey crap and stuff.it was weird. It was like the opening of some Legend of Zelda game." Dan was still looking at me in a strange way, trying to get more details out of my words.
"I think it means something. What do you think?"
"Well," Dan joked,"It could mean a month's dose of Prozac."
I sighed wearily, shouldering my heavy backpack,"Dan. This journey these strange visions are bringing me must be connected to my PTL, Pokemon Training License. Think about it; accept our quest. They really never spoke to me in detail until my PTL actually came to mind."
"You're hyped up, that's all," Dan grinned, raising my moral,"Cuz' in no time, you and I'll be singing poke raps like the rest of em! We'll be free to go wherever we want! We can eat Frispy Frosting doughnuts and drink cherry soda until our pancreas cave in!"
"And best of all." I grinned,"Kick some ass with our spiffy pokemon!"
"Shibby!" both of us did our secret handshake; a straight forward fist pound with the knuckles, then one fist pound over the other. Then, we would swing a playful hook towards our faces, which actually goes wrong sometimes.
"Ow." both of us held our foreheads, withstanding a newly forming black and blue.
"Well." Dan sighed,"I'd take back the whole poke-rap thing.but at least you can look forward to a new pokemon, that's all."
Whoa, hang on. By now, you're probably asking just who Dan is. And yeah, I could; it's a long way to Elmwood Academy High School and I have a lot of time to waste. Dan Ultunno, or just shortened Dan, I can just call my best bud. He hails from Elmwood's sister town, Briddan, a crappy, industrial town filled with do-rag toting residents and a Board of Ed that hogs all of the money, neglecting to use it to upgrade the town's cruddy status. But Dan loves Briddan with a passion, and I'm not much different about quaint, suburbia Elmwood, where nothing seems to happen. But with two great towns so close to each other, we've been friends for almost a lifetime, friends together since Miss Grendhert and Ultunno linked up in High School and found their matches. From then on, we stuck to each other, and in a result, you'll rarely ever see me without trusty Dan by my side.vice versa.
(If you were wondering why Dan goes to a Elmwood school, it's because his neighborhood borderlines with my town.)
But actually, Dan is one hell of a troublemaker. His dad seems to forget the meaning of limits, well, limits to Dan's ever-growing collection and interest in fireworks and fire pokemon (You should check out his backpack.you'll learn.eventually.) He even got so interested, in fact, that he is actually planning on his first bottle-rocket launching weapon, Chunky Monkey. That boy is fascinated by all sorts of weapons and devices that he even tinkers away in his basement workshop, coming up with all sorts of inventions ranging from a Kingler Cigar slicer to a mechanical Machamp that he hopes to take Tony's house out with, which an predicts will sport a lot of so-called destructive weapons.
Tony? Well, I'll explain later. (I guess I REALLY have to get to school.) Anyway, after our short conversation, we took a deep breath and broke into a run, rounding the corner of my lengthily street. We didn't take a school bus: we couldn't stand it and we lived too close to our school to actually care anyhow. Plus, there was another reason we had to walk, and the bus wouldn't stop for it in the first place.
"Dude!" Dan pulled me over and showed me our next destination.
There it was: the Poke Mart. All of the pokemon goods, junk food, swimsuit magazines and lottery tickets all coalesced and located conveniently under the roof of a purely rectangular building owned by a Hindu cashier. This enormous chain of convenient stores lies scattered all over the continents of Navia, and the mainland Ceiceiel with it's own shares. Whether it's a quick bag of Sun Flora Flora potato chips for low- priced after school action or a sneaky Pika Pie for those boring Trigonometry periods that never seem to end, Poke Marts are just golden, and they seem to be there just when you need em'. You must think we're crazy, since convenience stores are just convenience stores, but to a burnout pair of friends like me and Dan, you don't know how much we revere them.
"Cooooool," Dan trailed off.
"Let's get some munchies," I grinned,"The ones at school are overpriced, anyways."
Pika, Pika. That greeting we all knew and loved so well; the tacky, electronic noise of the Pikachu-themed motion sensor located by the door. The both of us congregated into the back, where we marveled at all of the pokemon training merchandise.
"Sweet," I picked up a dozen case, filled with pokemon capturing balls,"When we get our PTL's, we're gonna be cycling through these rather quickly."
".Wow!" Dan handled a couple bottles of pokemon restoration potions,"Cool Gatorade! I wanna get some of this stuff!"
"Calm down, Dan," I taunted back,"Have you ever sipped that stuff before? Tastes like a bar of soap from the locker rooms. Plus, I don't have that much money."
"Yeah you do!" Dan complained.
"No, I don't."
"Yeah!" Dan kicked my pocket,"Yeah you do!"
"No I.oh, fine." I filed one finger through my wallet; thirty-six dollars, all in singles.
"You STILL make money that way?" Dan snickered.
"Accumulating all of my mom's lunch money up to now?" I asked,"Yup."
"Ha ha ha!!" Dan chuckled out loud, making someone by the coffee machines spill their mug on himself,"Skye! You definitely need a job."
"Why, huh?" I asked,"The hours are pretty demanding.and doing the same repetitive thing over and over can really get on your nerves.have you even met any managers these days?"
".I guess. But at least you're fed."
"Corruption at an early age, I tell you," I stated,"Well, we better hurry and stock up on goodies; there's no use groveling at something I won't be using."
As we headed over to the cash, Dan tried to cheer me up,"Aw, Skye. We only have a week of school before we're out.for good!"
"Yeah, I guess until the next year starts."
When we arrived at the counter, we slammed down some accumulated snacks, where the cashier, Sabu, prepared to ring up our purchases.
"Hello, Skye and Dan!" Sabu answered in his usual Indian accent.
"Hey, Sabu," both of us answered at the same time.
"How are things for you two this morning?"
"Ok," both of us simultaneously replied.
"Why do you say, OK?" Sabu asked, turning away and talking to himself,"Ok about being a half hour late to school? I see much negligence in these two.well, what brings you here?"
"I can't explain." I sighed.
".We'll be quick," Dan answered.
"Fine, I'll just have to see what you got." Sabu pulled each of our items closer,"The usual.three packages of Jiggly Puff Puffs.two strawberry Pika Pies, my favorite."
Dan added to the load, bringing over more items.
"Dan, I don't have that much cash."
".Four Voltorb chocolate balls." Sabu continued to ring up,".A bottle of mocha Hoot Hoot.four packages of Sun Flora Flora potato chips."
"Aww, Skye!" Dan laughed,"What else are you gonna buy with that money, anyway?"
"Well, I'm convinced that if I save up, I know that something sudden and magical will happen."
"Don't be a penny loafer, Skye!" Dan cajoled,"You're a long way from a car by two ears and a couple grand, my friend."
".Yeah, I lost my patience." I answered,"Dan.did you forget the cherry pop?"
"Oh yeah!" Dan ran back and returned with a 12-pack of our savored soda, plus a trial 12-ounce of Yellow Popsi for me to try.
"Cool!" ".Oh, this is going up," Sabu began bagging,".Three Mew Pops.satisfying.four CleFluffy cheesecakes.(Dan flinches for some reason.).a package of Cyndaquil Poppers.oh, spicy! And the usual.are you sure you don't mind being late to school?" "Well, we already ARE late.carpe diem." "Seize the day." Dan translated, dragging his sentence,".In Latin." Sabu ignored a response to my comment,".Smart guy you are, Skye. Is that it for your purchases?" "I almost forgot!" both me and Dan replied at the same time,"Two Extra Large Squirtle Slurpees." "Yeah, the Super Big Gulps." Dan pointed out. "And that.and that.sums it all up to." Sabu flinched when he saw the final outcome of all of our treats, after hearing the ring from his cash register,".Thirty four, sixty five is your sub total." "Holy crap," I gasped. "At least they're our usual ever-addictive choices," Dan added,"It's chow time!" "Careful, you two!" Sabu preached,"The food you are about to endlessly consume contains much saturated fats and needless carbohydrates! That could lead to intense obesity and ever painful cramps and sores!" "But, Sabu." Dan sighed,"You work a Poke Mart." "What are you saying?" Sabu asked, interrupted. "Convenience store owners are supposed to support diets like that in order to retain their businesses.you gotta be a little more competitive, Sabu; be glad that people are indulging heavily upon your Pokemon themed fatty snacks." "Because you're the one benefiting!" I added as we finally exited the Poke Mart doors with our bundle,"See ya around, Sabu." "Good point. Maybe as soon as school ends, knowing you two," Sabu closed our interaction even when the door closed,"Thank you, come again!" On the way out, I was gripping the bottle of Yellow Popsi, viewing it's contents. "Let's see what's in this stuff." I became intrigued,".That you're so hyped up about." ".Like you can look under the cap and bet another one for free!" Dan grinned. "Not that," I viewed the ingredients,"Carbonated water.High Fructose.Corn Syrup." "That's in everything," both of us added in unison. I continued,"Sodium Benzoate.Erythoric acid.a bunch of creepy looking chemicals I cannot even comprehend to pronounce.of course, the natural and artificial flavors and.yikes." "Dude?" "Yellow 5; 99.9 percent," I gasped,"Shame what effect it could have on your sex drive.sad." I leapt over a crack in the sidewalk, though Dan didn't catch sight on it and tripped, so I helped him up. ".Or so it's rumored." "Actually," Dan sighed,"Depleted under-the-covers action with the chicks or not, both of us could win some pretty serious pokemon-training cash!" "Are you serious?" I asked. ".That could help," Dan went on,"OR possibly.free Hubastinky tickets!" "Hmm," I predicted,"Based on the odds, That kind of opportunity would be much less likely to happen than people actually believing that a spider was the cause of Michael Jackson's imprisonment." "I guess so.but it's still worth endless amounts of devoted pocket change!"
"Thanks to Sabu." "Sabu can work wonders for our mornings." "By supporting us with his ever prolific stock of junk food!" I replied,"I'm surprised we're actually keeping our physical education fitness scores with the kind of diet we eat.Gee, I must have one maniacal metabolism." "But your money." Dan poked at my now dusty wallet, which was accidentally lodging itself free from my pockets,"That had to hurt, real bad."
".Well, it works. It's another couple weeks of hogging lunch money, but it works, almost too well."
--------------------------------------------------------
ROMAN BATTLE TACTICS
"Salve," Mr. Shoksman greeted his tedious, first period class,"Today in Latin, we'll be learning about Roman battle tactics, used around early 795 B.C. You may have seen much of them in movies like Gladiator during Russel Crowe's glory days.but Hollywood portrays such things as mere entertainment, and those days were often a little more abstract than they were truly reenacted back then. Does anyone have any ideas of what a true aspect of a Roman battle strategy?
One of the students from Briddan stood up with his hand raised. Before he made his statement, he made a common tongue sound before saying,"(Click.) Dey put dat face paint on n' charge into duh fray?"
From there, the whole class was roaring with laughter.
".Close, Jamal," Mr. Shoksman answered,"But not really. That was going on in Scotland with Braveheart. This is about Roman soldiers, not Kevin Cosner.Now."
The class was immediately interrupted as both me and Dan brusquely trudged into class, each of us carrying an almost evenly distributed plastic bag of junk food and a massive, keg-like slushee cup under our armpits.
"Salve, Mr. Shoksman!" I cheerfully replied, even though it wasn't the right mood to be in thinking of the time,"You missed us, huh?"
"Salve!" Dan lugged his backpack and snacks over to his desk next to a curly-haired student named Tackus. Meanwhile, I stepped forwards to greet the angry-faced Latin teacher.
"Salve and vale." Mr. Shoksman rubbed his sweat-covered brow.
"Whatcha sayin' goodbye for?" I grinned.
Reverberating in the background was a suckling sound coming from the slushee cup that Dan was sipping uncontrollably through an oversized straw.
"Lemme get some of dat Squirtle Slurpee," a classmate asked.
"Get your own," Dan taunted slowly turning his head back to engage himself upon his drink again.
".Skye, is that a hall pass?" Mr.Shoksman pointed to the slip of paper that was barely hanging on between my fingers.
"No, that's a note from my mom!" I shrugged off the burden from the snack bag that was hanging off the same arm,"Read it, translate it, something."
Mr. Shoksman peered me right in the eye with a stern look as if to challenge my credibility, then slowly unrolled the paper. Then, he began to read the note out loud.
"Dear Mr. Shok guy.?"
"Huh?" I thought (I wasn't the one who wrote the letter.)
".Please excuse my son Ski Grid dirt for being late and stuff," Mr. Shoksman let off a suspicious giggle,"He had a severe case of the bubonic plague, broke out like a dirty Germanic barbarian and had to take an antibiotic with side effects that gave him a persistent, unneeded tingling of the Celtic sword and an unexpected addiction to flogging himself in the forehead with a Bible. That disabled his ability to go to school.so I."
I turned back to Dan, and angrily made threatening gestures while Mr. Shoksman was reading the letter very diligently. Dan put his hands up in surrender like he wanted me to show mercy.
".Force-feed my son flea-proof, wheat germ through a funneled lance.?" Mr. Shoksman hurled the letter to the desk,"Who wrote this letter, Skye? Is this a sign of forgery?"
".Um.no?" a shiver-like chuckle ran through the entire class, who was eavesdropping upon our conversation.
"This is the fourth letter I've gotten this month, Skye! First time, it was wild pokemon rabies. Then, it was homework-induced seizures.and the third time, it was a combination of both.plus scabies. And now, it's the bubonic plague, and your mother can't even spell your name right.is she illiterate or something? Do I have to ask you what you are trying to tell me in this letter?"
"Want me to translate?" I nervously gasped, attaching a corny, robotic voice,"Dear Mr. Shoksman, make it Ok for Skye Grendhert to be in class late. Heavens to Ho-oh don't give Skye Grendhert a Saturday detention. Thanks, signed Marcy Grendhert."
Coping with an off-the-wall classroom, Mr. Shoksman appeared to be at the pique of his annoyance,".Normally, I'd deal with this in a level one disciplinary manner, but because you have brought in a note with a.slightly correct signature, I'd just have to claim this as an unexcused tardy."
"Unexcused? But I."
"Skye, you forgot to visit the main office and verify your presence." Mr. Shoksman explained,"But since you had the note, it's unexcused.It could've been worse! Now, to your seat."
Pushing my way down the aisle of desks (and avoiding the foot of a kid who tried to trip me on the way there.) I finally made it to my seat, which was placed right convieniently near Dan's. I immediately greeted my friend with a clutch around his throat.
"Huh huh," Dan giggled,"Mr. Shokman called you a tard."
But I replied with no less than a given-away insinuation of annoyance.
"Skye! What's with the bully look?"
"Hey, Dan!" I grumbled,"Considering the mood I'm in, I could rip you to pieces right now.but you obviously ARE lucky because the school code forbids that. Though maybe I won't make it your job to write my late notes anymore."
"Aww, c'mon Skye," Dan urged,"Gimme a chance.Why? You don't like my notes?" Both of us looked up, trying to listen for our new Sententiae, Latin words of wisdom that we were often quizzed on. Other than that, it was a long, pointless period of trailing off. ".My notes aren't cool anymore?"
"Because of your stupid notes I probably won't have a cool Pokemon license, that's why. And when that's on the line because you stated that I was infected with a sickness that doesn't even exist anymore or something bogus like that, you know how desperate I am."
"Desperate?"
"Yeah," I shook my head, letting the air drift out, sticking up my fingers,"I was supposed to get one THREE years ago. You count, three."
"Skye, that's two," Dan corrected me.
"That's because my other three are trying to support this candy bag I'm constantly investing into," I let my arm rest,"Dan, you get the idea. I hope you learned something.I want my pokemon license, and I'm sure you do too. I don't like being in this loser state forever."
Mr. Shoksman interrupted his lesson just to quiet us down, or so we thought. He had heard every exact concluding word that I mentioned.
"Pokemon?" Mr. Shoksman slowly approached us,"Pokemon, you're talking about? Well, well, Mr. Grendhert and Mr. Ultunno, you could learn a bit of a lesson I have to offer."
Both of us were stunned with our mouths shut as the teacher continued.
"These two boys here are the epitome of a person's hubris, or unstoppable pride which often leads to the downfall of that person. This is often seen in Greek writing, where tragic heroes like Odysseus fall to their own ambition and pride in the form of a tragic crescendo, and face their own consequences.in that case, I'll see you both after class."
As on cue, the Pokeball-shaped bell that signified the end of the period rung in our ears.
"Well, that's it," Mr. Shoksman concluded,"Another class end without any progression through the lesson book whatsoever due to a number of DISTRACTIONS.!"
"Hooray!" the entire class cheered as they flooded out the door with their backpacks, while Mr. Shoksman leered at us.
"Don't forget, class," Mr. Shoksman called out to rushing ears,"Homework, tonight.Catellus reading, Carmen 3 on pages 20-144, questions 1-40, lines 11-88 on each one.Skye, Dan, come here."
Both of us stepped forwards, with mirrored expressions; I sulked with my head down while Dan giggled through his teeth and emitted a fake, toothy smile.
"I don't want to hear anymore talk of this Pokemon license." Mr. Shoksman smacked our chests with a heavy finger,"As for you two, I'll be calling your parents tonight."
"Crap," I sighed.
".You may go," Mr. Shoksman ushered us away,"And."
While we were leaving, both of us replied,"Yeah?"
"You better be ready for the upcoming final exams."
"Thanks for embarrassing me, dip-weed," I complained,"Mom's gonna be pissed when she hears from a.k.a Russell Crowe."
"You're welcome!" Dan grinned,"As for my mom, she probably won't care. But before he calls I'd have cut the line anyway."
"WHEEH!!" we heard a familiar, throaty noise from the other end of the ever-populated hallway.
"It's Dylan!" I shouted as both me and Dan flocked over to a group of six black hoodie wearing kids that all of us knew so well. Dylan is another friend that I know in school, who just became a freshman. Brown haired, energetic, and always ready to sling a D-20, Dylan and his friends are greatly emerged into role-playing epics. Accompanying him was Tyler and Kevin, two boys that Dan was more friends with, ever obsessed with Duskulls and Shuppets and into creating practical jokes and recording their progress and people's reactions. And to add to the wild bunch was Dylan's ever-whining girlfriend, Jill, who seemed to be more of a liability than an asset to Dylan, who always persistently wanted to be with him. A red-faced, football player and heavyweight wrestling kid named Jeff accompanied Dylan most of the time. And finally, a horizontally- challenged, enormous boy with buzzed hair named Scott Burg, who we all dub as, A.K.A.Burger.
Greeting the clique in our usual way (With the secret pound.) Dylan asked me,"What's eatin' you today, Skye?" "Why don't you ask him?" I replied,"Other than that, I think I'm cool." Dan explained his poor effort to keep me in class to the entire group. "Whew.ownage," Jeff replied,"Skye must've not liked that one so much." "Hey," I grinned,"What's up, Burger?"
Scott lowered his massive fist to connect with mine. With that, he commented in a barely audible, low voice,"Hey.cool." "Where's that fly license of yours?" Jill asked me in a snobbish way,"Mommy keeping it away again?" "Dude, lighten up Jill," Dylan shrugged, then whispered into my ear,"Stalker." Meanwhile, Dan was talking to Kevin and Tyler. "You won't believe it!" Tyler got excited,"We got the fourteenth DKY video! It's the best, Dan! You gotta see it!" "Really?" Dan asked. "And you know what Bam Margera does this time?" Kevin added,"He jumps off the 50th floor of the Silph Co. building, dressed only in a pair of bunny underpants, holding a basket of eggs!" "It's AWESOME!"
"What about a guy jumping off a building?" I asked,"That stuff is fake. He had to have a parachute."
"I think he did." Tyler answered,"Then the clip cut to the DKY people tripping in the middle of some random pokemon battles."
"It was AWESOME!" Kevin amplified.
"You got the homework for Mr. Mido's?" I asked,"Huh Dylan?"
"I don't think so," Dylan answered,"Just an excess flow of handouts telling us not to do it and so on. I think that's it. But really, what's going on?"
"Ah," I sighed,"Mr. Shoksman is gonna call my mom today about some class incident. That could cost me my PTL, seriously."
"Dude, that sucks," Jeff answered.
"Really?" Tyler and Kevin came in.
"Yeah."
"We could photocopy some tickets for the next DKY concert," Tyler tried to cheer me up,"You can come along and see what'll happen!"
"."
"You can be the cameraman."
"OK, I'll think about it."
"I don't want to be late!" Jill complained,"Hurry up, Dylan! C'mon."
"Alright, alright!" Dylan sighed.
"Gotta go," Burger added.
With that, all of our friends but Tyler and Kevin remained with us.
"Anyway," Kevin asked,"You gotta hear what we did yesterday."
"Fire away."
"Kevin recorded one of those buckets driven by Team Aqua coming up our turf in Briddan," Tyler explained, trying to hold back his laughter,"And I."
"Team Aqua, those Pokemon Gangsters in town?" I asked,"Don't tell me."
"Tyler just runs up and NAILS.!!" Kevin laughed with his friend,".Nails the side window with a ball of Snubbull crap this big, man, this big, and makes off with both of their drivers chasing him down the street.!"
".They got tired as far as the industrial sector," Tyler continued,"I hid somewhere while they got back in the car and turned down the corner to Brook Street.man, it was AWESOME, man."
"Truly."
"What a lunatic," I giggled,"You're lucky to have that DKY running speed.Team Aqua people will shoot you someday, you know."
"But who cares?" Tyler answered,"I got off with the whole stunt.And I guarantee they didn't see what I looked liked either."
"Yeah, man, it was awesome."
The late bell went off, and immediately, I closed the conversation,"Well, we gotta get to Mr. Mito's Heath class now. Sorry."
"Ah, he won't care," Tyler grinned.
"Well, that's if we wan our PTL's anytime soon," Dan spoke up,"Skye's kinda pissed at me, so I don't want to take any chances."
"Kinda?" I sighed.
While we ran off for class trying to dodge the many people filling the hallways, Kevin shouted,"If you don't get that PTL, we'll get one for you!"
"Yeah!" Tyler answered,"We'll get you a PTL! We'll photocopy it for you!"
"OR you both can just meet us at the Poke Mart after school.ah, forget it."
"It'll be awesome, Kevin!"
"They're already gone, dude."
Both of us burst through the doors of our heath class, located in the darkest corner of the school, ad rushed to our seats just in time as Mr. Mito wearily turned to face the class, concealing a whiskey bottle under his desk.
Mr. Mito, unlike the white-bearded Mr. Shoksman, was a tall, muscular man with large shoulders, a defined build and a small, shiny bald head. He wore only a tank top and torn blue jeans, and his arms were tattooed with the designs of some fierce pokemon's. There was even a prisoner identification number imprinted upon his shoulder.
"Think Vin Diesel," Dan laughed to me.
"Sup, class," Mr. Mito growled,"Ready to learn good things?"
All of us sat in our chairs, trembling and terrified of our unpredictable teacher's next move. While he paced back and forth, an unruly student immaturely squeaked out,"You're not even a real teacher, Mr. Mito!" with a quick glare, the student withdrew back into his chair.
"Um." he spaced out, not moving his eyes,".Don't do drugs."
"Ok," the whole class replied.
"Skye, the guy really isn't a real teacher," Dan laughed.
Mr. Mito raised one hand, which had a broken handcuff on it,"I'm on parole."
".Ok."
".Um." Mr. Mito wrote on the board a brief schedule of what we were to expect in the next couple of days. The expression he gave us wasn't one of much enthusiasm.
6/13 Gangs Movie
6/18 Health Test
6/21 Poke Progress Due
"Poke Progress!?" the whole class gasped.
"Yeah," Mr. Mito hurled the marker through the window, shattering a pane and breaking the class out of their trance. Looking at the amount of holes in the window itself, you could tell that this behavior was common. ".It's due today."
"No it's not!" Dan called out,"On the 21st."
".Today?"
"Yeah!"
".You're con-foosing me," Mr. Mito slapped the blackboard,"So shut up, ALL of you."
"But." a student yelped.
"You heard me! Get lost!"
".Fine!" the student picked up his books, shoved them into his backpack and stomped out of the classroom, while mumbling,".You stupid inmate!"
Once the door slammed shut, all laughter and giggling ceased as Mr. Mito gripped his scalp tightly while proceeding to his desk again to take a swig of whiskey, then continued with his lesson.
".Poke Progress." he grumbled,"I swear I gave it to all of you three months ago. Right?"
"No!" the class blared.
"When did Mr. Clean give any projects, or care about pokemon!?" another random student mumbled.
"Shut up, you little grease ball!" Mr. Mito declared,"If I never gave you all this project.grr.I'll just have to give it out again!"
The class watched anxiously as the teacher ripped out a massive cardboard box with the logo of the Elmwood Academy High School on it, and sliced it open with a bowie knife he had in his pocket in mere record time. The contents were a strange white computer, many wires, and at least thirty yellow Pichu dolls.
"Damn!" I shouted.
"I'm the one that's supposed to say damn around here.um.uhh." Mr. Mito scratched his head trying to think of my name,"Uh."
".Skye."
"Yeah, Squat, Skrit, Skat, whatever. I don't care about names," Mr. Mito held up one of the Pichu dolls for all of us to see. MY most wanted pokemon Pichu was a pale, yellow mouse-like pokemon, with huge, floppy diamond-shaped ears with an adorable hue of black on the tips of them. The doll stared back at the whole class with huge, marble-like eyes that showed ever so cutely from it's oval-shaped head. We were also greeted by the Pichu doll's over-exaggerated grin.
"Don't tell me that's the."
"Oh, man."
While the class marveled, one kid called out,"Dude, who said he could bring a machete to school!?"
".Crap," I sighed.
"But dude!" Dylan hissed through his teeth across another student to communicate,"I thought you wanted a Pichu too."
"But.not the." I gasped,".The."
"Hey, shut up you rats," Mr. Mito extended his arm with the Pichu doll in it,"This is the Poke Progress Project that the towns of Elmwood and Briddan worked together to make.this project."
"That you were supposed to give us three months ago!" Dylan spoke up.
"Three months.whatever."
"But dude, we need more time! The vacation."
"What vacation?" Mr. Mito continued,"What kind of leisure did I have in prison? None, nihil, nada! Do you think that I'm gonna make your life like the care bears sleepover or something?"
"But dude.!"
"Deebo!"
"But dude."
"DEEBO!"
"DUUDE!"
"Get out of my class!" Mr. Mito shouted.
"What class!?" Dylan cursed when he stomped out of the classroom,"And dude, my name's Dylan, not DEEBO!"
"Yeah, Mr. Mi-dope!" Jill added, following her boyfriend.
"Oh, diss-age," Jeff added. "Huh, huh, dope," Burger giggled deeply, following the rest of his friends last out of the class, still chuckling lengthily. Mr. Mito showed no delay in continuing on with the lesson.after his usual swig of firewater. ".Listen up, you grease balls," Mr. Mito continued,"The town wants to pump you up before you all go off pokemon training and stuff by measuring how you do with a mechanical dummy. Over a three month time period, how well you treat the Pichu will be monitored through the doll's inside.thinking thingie.uh.what was it called?" "Internal computer?" "Thanks, chump.the infernal composer," Mr. Mito didn't care how well the accuracy of his words were,"It measures how much you feed it, play with it, sleep with it, do homework with it.watch chick flicks with it.get into fights with it.drink with it." "Huh?" most students gasped. "Drink?" Mr. Mito warned,"Don't do that, ok? It's bad." ".Ok, Mr. Mito." ".Ok," Mr. Mito answered,"Now, after the three months, I take back all of the Pichus, and this white machine here reads the results of how good you made it feel. So pretty much." Mr. Mito hunched his shoulders and leaned over, holding the Pichu doll just under his chin.
".It doesn't go AWAY." "Oh, man!" Dan whispered,"Skye, It's pretty much the old egg baby project." "Except much, much harder," I answered,"AND peeving. But at least it doesn't shatter and stain your clothes." "Unless it's that Bouncy Bouncy Baby Me 2000-10 they've been sponsoring on TV," Dan joked,"The one that actually wets itself!" "Wets itself.?" "Well, there's your new pokemon for ya," Dan snickered back, keeping an eye on Mr. Mito just in case he checked on us,"Heh heh." "It's a low-budget high school sitcom's worst nightmare!" I concluded. "Other than the closing statement of advising you NOT to fail and retake this class because I hate teaching stuff to all of you so much, any questions or stupid comments that I did something wrong?" Almost the entire class raised their hands at once. Slapping his forehead, Mr. Mito walked a full circle around all of the desks growling until he eventually picked.me. "Alright, Scratch. What is it?" "Stupid comment that you did something wrong," I answered with attitude. "Ok.fire away." "How come you're giving us this project, which needs a three month time span.and that we only have les than 10 days of school left??" Mr. Mito leaned on my desk for a moment, exhaling loudly. Then, he grabbed both collars of my vest with the grip like that of one of those fighting pokemon that was impersonated on those tattoos. Then, he lowered his eyes with mine, those eyes like a Tauros ready to charge!
".Because they'll put me back in the slammer!" he whined in my face, literally pulling me out of my chair and onto my knees!
"Aaah!!" I choked out in surprise.
Mr. Mito shoved me back into my seat, then stomped back to the whiteboard and hurled another marker right through the glass again, but this time it really didn't shock anyone.
"Just ta let you know," Mr. Mito explained,"Illegal Pokemon activities put me in prison. So don't do that, ok? We'll be watching a movie tomorrow about Pokemon Gangs and stuff. So, come up and get your Pichu doll. Gotta do that, ok?"
The whole class got to their feet and lined up, joining their friends and cliques. Me and Dan lined up together, and chattered like the rest of the class did.
"Dude, it's not fair." I sighed,"Our grades.and my PTL.could be affected by this greatly!"
"In that case," Dan answered,"If you do good on this, it'll raise your grade greatly! Ever thought of that?"
"Easier said than done."
"Aw, Skye," Dan grinned,"I think you'll do good."
"What about you?" I asked,"What do you think?"
"With a little 8-year old brother." Dan scratched his head,".An unpredictable father, a bossy mother and a lifetime streak of starting fires with common household items."
I awaited a finish to his sentence.
".EEP!" Dan squeaked like a panicked Pichu.
"Come n' get it, runts," Mr. Mito assigned both me and Dan our Pichu doll, and an instructional manual just in case we had any questions (Trust me, we didn't want to hear flak about not hearing any details from Mr. Mito, and I know you wouldn't either, guaranteed.)
Once all of us were seated, it took a sharp 5 minutes to get the class to shut up. Mr. Mito had to get us under control by clapping his hands.
"Now, ready for this one?" Mr. Mito raised one finger to strike a key on the machine that would eventually start our Pichus up,"Once I press the key, you gotta say hey to it and stuff. Make this one all good, ok?"
"Ok, Mr. Mito." the whole class murmured.
Zap! The mechanical creatures were instantly brimming to the top with life, and were definitely in no need of repletion. Their paws and big feet swayed from side to side energetically, the diamond ears rotated quickly, and their eyes flashed random colors of the rainbow spectrum.
"Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU!"
"Ah, I can barely hold onto it," I laughed,"In a way, it seems like a real Pichu."
"Please don't wet me," Dan prayed,"Please don't wet me.!"
"AH!" a shout from a student resounded throughout the room when her Pichu doll worked itself loose out of her arms and ran circles around the classroom with such quick moving feet that they could barely be seen. The girl ran desperately around, trying to catch it!
"Pi-CHU! Pi-PI-PI-CHU!!"
Now looking around, we soon learned that the mechanical Pichus weren't working the way that their momentary trainers desired them to. One Pichu was jumping on his trainer's head repetitively, while some others emitted sudden shocks of static electricity from their pink cheeks. One even got so worked up that smoke began to spout from the mechanism.
"Mr. Mito."
"What!?" Mr. Mito got up from his desk, seeing the smoke and hiding the whiskey again,"What are you sobbing about Vincent!?"
Before he could reply, the whole class yelped when the Pichu rocketed right into the ceiling so hard that it's head was all the way through the fiberglass tiles! Fragments of the ceiling fell and littered the poor student and his desk with dust. The Pichu was still squirming around when the bell rung.and the teacher already had his bottle through the window.