Disclaimer: Guess what? It's our favorite disclaimer! I disclaim
thee Ebay, National Enquirer, Yu-Gi-Oh, Dog Eat Dog, and Phantasy Star, and
the Algol Star System, which is owned by Sega. Last but not least, I do
not own GameCube (In real life I have one!) Pokemon, or the Pokemon TCG,
which is owned all by Nintendo.
Disclaim these trifle things restraining you from the action! And now.for some hobby-store havoc as Skye and Dan meet up with Dylan and the others in a game of unintended attrition!!
"Tabletop Tussles,"
One crappy school day down. Nine to go, not counting the weekend!
And I'm definitely counting the days until I get my Pokemon License!
Leaving the bustling school for the day, I had already met up with Dan after one excruciating biology class, and the ones before that were better left unexplained. While on the way out though, I ran into a green- haired classmate named Clyde, who was about my age.
"Hey Clyde. How's it going?" I asked.
"I'm fine," he answered, digging through his pockets for something.
"What do you want, Clyde?" Dan asked,"I haven't seen you 'round here much."
"I've been gone pokemon training a little while!" Clyde answered happily,"Hey Skye, wanna battle? Everyone around here says they're not ready to."
Now that's something I didn't want to hear. Well, I'll just phrase it as something I DID want to listen to, but now wasn't the time! Saying no would rebuff me back into my no-pokemon minority! Saying no would make me an outcast again! Saying no.would be just too embarrassing!
But I had to me honest.
".No, I can't," I shuddered like the afraid little boy that I really was.
"Aww, man!" Clyde sighed.
".Why.can't I have a real pokemon." I stumbled over to one of the aluminum trashcans lying turned over on the peak of the stairway to my school, lifted it up and stared at my hazy reflection. Then, I began to continually bash my forehead against the can, chanting,"Why, WHY, WHY, WHY.!"
"Skye! SKYE!!" Dan ran over and tried to force the can out of my hands,"Skye!? Get a grip!"
".WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!!?"
Dan laughed out loud as he hit the can out of my hands with a well- aimed punch, sending it over the railing of bushes! When the can landed though, he heard a loud grunt from someone, but Dan didn't care.
".Fine," Clyde answered hopelessly, running off,"I'll see you sometime! Later, ace!"
"Don't fret, Skye!" Dan tried to cheer me up,"That'll come later."
".Well, I'll just fret about this bruise," I sighed,"Opportunities don't come like that too often."
".Though that does kinda suck," Dan trailed off,"I'd think the same, but wouldn't be knocking my head against an ashtray!"
"Is it the fact that I stand out in some way?" I asked,"Is it my funny hair color? I didn't dye it at birth, you know."
"Your hair?" Dan asked,"Nah. I don't think it's your funny hair at all, Skye."
We ceased chatting until we reached the end of the long walkway that led to my school. The sun beat down upon the both of us, and now I had already longed for winter, my favorite season. But for now, I just wanted summer vacation.and a drink. So I decided to break out the cherry pop.
".It's warm," I sighed.
Just then, the Pichu I cradled under my arm acted up again, bashing his head against the bottom of the soda! This sent warm, sticky pop all over my right shoulder, my ponytail, and the strap to my backpack.
"(Sigh)."
"Heh heh," Dan laughed,"Already getting to you?"
"In a way," I sighed,"It's like having a real Pichu, yet it's not because it's a programmed robot. And it makes you think whether the Board of Education is watching through some secret, secluded camera and controlling this thing's every movement or not."
"Wow," Dan responded, staring blankly into the eyes of his squirming Pichu,"If what you were saying was true, that would be scary."
"In a way, it's kind of a topper."
".Hey, I wonder where Tyler and Kevin are screwing around at.?" Dan asked out,"I think I have to meet them later."
Suddenly, something within the deepest wells of my mind sparked up, and my memory rebooted itself.
"They wanted to contact us at the Poke Mart after school, under the sign."
Dan was already talking to himself,"Oh, so that's where those two.WHAT?"
"I just.heard em' on the way to Health class."
"Skye, I never heard Tyler say that!" Dan gasped.
"What are you getting all 'I just saw a legendary pokemon in the face' on me for?" I asked, pushing myself away from Dan,"I just happened to."
Once we were coming in near proximity of the Poke Mart, our eyes scanned the horizon of the area for our friends.and like I foresaw, they were taking turns filming each other drop-kicking a newspaper dispenser under the glowing Poke Mart sign.
".Guess."
"Wow," Dan was stunned,"Good guess."
We cautiously crossed the street that was filled with ambitious drivers and bulky, hissing school buses, where we met up with the two mischief-makers.
".AaaaaaAAAAAHHH!!!" Kevin was already getting a running start from the back of the near-by Poke Mart. Tyler kept the lens pointed at Kevin as he leapt up into the air.
WHACK!
"Oooo!!" Tyler laughed,"That didn't feel too good."
"OOW!" Kevin rolled around on the ground, cross-eyed and holding his knee, which had made contact with the telephone pole instead,"OOOOOHH!!!"
"Hey, Tyler," I asked, but the boy didn't turn around,"HEEEY, TYLER!"
"Hey, it's our man Skye Grendhert!" Tyler spun around after saying my name and stuck the camera right in my nose. Then, he persistently began to shove me with his other arm,"Hey, Skye! Heeey!! HEEEEEEYYY!! How ya DOIN?"
"Stop it! Stop it!" I urged, finally getting him to stop,"Quit it already. Sheesh."
"What are you two up to?" Dan asked,"Can I drop kick the stand too?"
"Yeah!" Tyler ignored the whining from his friend in the background,"Yeah, man. We were just making ultra-funny clips for our newest music video. Wanna do it with us?"
"It'll be.awesome." Kevin got to his feet, limping,".Oh."
"I guess," I answered,"If you need the Grendhert guitar skills!"
"At least I left my bass over your house, Tyler!" Dan smirked,"Poor Kevin!"
Without warning, Tyler suddenly switched the camera on and kicked Kevin in the back of his supporting knee, knocking him over. He got everything on film.
"OW!" Kevin gasped,"Damn it! What was that for, dumb ass!?"
"That was for Crisis 350!" Tyler laughed, keeping the camera on his face.
"That was cruel," I sighed,"But.kinda funny." "We need you guys for this!" Tyler begged. "Sure," I answered,"We're a band, right?" "Yeah!" Dan added,"Crisis 350!" "Come over with us!" Tyler urged,"We gotta write some lyrics for our next pokemon training album!" "Sure, but not sure," I answered, holding Dan back,"I think we have some stuff to do before we can see each other later. But we'll catch up. I'll bring my equipment." "Alright!" Tyler answered. "But for now, I think I gotta get something from Sabu here." Dan gave me the pound before he answered,"I'm gonna stick out here. You go, OK?" I pushed through the doors of the mart, greeting Sabu while I looked around for a snack. Truthfully, I was a real musician and wanted to play for my band Crisis 350 (For 350 species of pokemon.) But I so continued to desire leaving this boring town! I was growing more and more impatient just brooding on the idea of pokemon training freedom! I was planning a no- holds barred adventure! But everything that my life revolved around was all in Elmwood; my school system, my friends, Crisis 350 and the once-a-week Shaolin Kung fu lessons with Master Mushu. Even my family! "Are you OK over there?" Sabu asked me across the store with his usual concerned, friendly manner,".Hey, Skye?" ".Ah!" I broke out of my stream of thought. "You can't leave the icebox open for that long!" Sabu complained,"You'll melt the Ben N' Harry's!" "Sorry, Sabu," I brought over a couple of Ben N' Harry's ice cream pints for my friends,"I've been thinking.Sabu? What was leaving home like?" "When I was wanting to be a pokemon trainer." Sabu explained, ringing up my purchases,"Leaving my parents in Drail was a tough thing to do, Skye. Tough thing." He exhaled slowly, then took in a quick frantic breath and let his story blow right out of his mouth with little or no hiatus whatsoever! "That was because there were lots and lots of bombs coming down on us, and we has so little as a Camerupt, a jug of water and a little yellow plastic baggy with some peanut butter rice crap in it!" "Huh?" "And those planes kept coming, and those bombs kept going boom, and we're all screaming, 'ALLAH!' while trying to fasten our turbans together.then we got to the airport, and my papa says,'Sabu, you're gonna make a living as a pokemon trainer,' and I say,'NOOO! We gonna DIE!' and then my papa says,'No Sabu, you're gonna live and become our one and only pokemon master!' and then I say,'Make the bombs stop!' and then daddy says,'You Sabu are gonna retire and help other trainers!' and then the plane got hit.!" ".Really?" I asked, ignoring a loud grunt from my three friends outside, following some cussing. ".And then the plane go down go boom!" Sabu ran back and forth behind the counter, pulling on his hair,"And then, parents were injured and my mama says,'Learn to carry on by yourself, and forge a way into the world,' and I Sabu go,'No, Daddy! You and momma gonna live!' and papa goes,'Take this gift, it's from me, now go!' and then I go running through the woods, and the Viet Cong shooting at me thinking I no Communist, and I scream,'ALLAH!' and they go,'Die, DIE!' and I go,'ALLAH!' and then I kneel on rug and Allah save me and I find hospital.and.and.!" ".Sabu," I corrected,"How the heck did you somehow travel back more than 70 years to the Vietnam War? It doesn't make sense." ".Oh," Sabu sighed,"I meant Arcadia and Zodion, the two countries east of Johto and Kanto that are at war-related issues.even up to now. Forgive me for trailing off; the experience to me still remains even though it happened so long ago!" "Oh yeah," I answered,"Things aren't looking so good between Arcadia and Zodion. Both of them have a no-fly zone, right? They also are prohibiting pokemon usage down there too." "That's right." Sabu answered,"Anyway, I escape Zodion troops, because present I got from my daddy is a special pokemon, and they don't like pokemon down there." "I think I know what it's like," I spoke, actually in a way referring to my own personal issues,"When you don't really know your family's history, or the events that separated them from you." A deep feeling of moroseness filled my heart as I sagged my head, fighting the tears and shelving my humor. "It distresses me every time I think about why your brother and father left you so, so long ago," Sabu explained from his heart,"At a young age the transition of your brother leaving you for the Pokemon League and your father for Pokemon Research must be so hard on you." "Yeah," I sighed,"I don't even know any of their names either.I was too young to remember. But it's quite odd that my brother is only three years apart from me and that I barely know him at all. And my father.a total mystery." POP! Without warning, my mechanical Pichu woke up and began to flail in my arms! Eventually, he had popped out and was dancing before the convenience store clerk. "PI-CHU! PI-CHU! PI-CHU!" "Ha ha ha," I laughed, getting out of my soppy mood,"It looks like he's already fed." "Silly creature!" Sabu had to push the thing away,"Get away.get away! Off my lottery tickets! My lottery tickets, you!" "He's a machine," I replied,"It's a project." "Oh," Sabu halted his attempt to grab the mouse machine. "Sorry," I collected the Pichu and got him under control,"I know it's something you don't need added to your exhausting working hours." "I don't mind working here," Sabu bagged up the ice cream,".Because I love to. The Poke Mart is my soul. It warms my heart to support pokemon trainers in any way." "Like racking up their calories?" "Yes, as long as they get enough exercise!" Sabu concluded,"As my father and mother desired me to live my life; to the fullest! Your total is 12.34, tax included. Keep them stored; it's quite hot out there." "And hazardous with those three around." Meanwhile, my other listening ear was picking up the faint chattering of Tyler and Kevin, who were egging Dan on. Eventually, I heard a loud, clanging noise, and a resounding,"OOOO!!" "That had to leave a mark!" "See you," I departed, but Sabu had one more thing to say. "Skye! Hey, Skye!" "Yeah?" "That Pichu.the electrical one. It is good practice for you, Skye. Remember that when a real pokemon is assigned to your care." ".Thanks!" I grinned, keeping that in mind. "Return here with proof that you taught it well," Sabu informed,"Keep it with you. Protect it like if it were the most precious thing to you. The world is a hard place for a rookie like you, and the path of a Pokemon Master is one of much hardships. But bring that Pichu back with a good morale, and I'll reward you well." ".Really?" WHUNK! "OW!" Dan cried. "Hey, Dan got nailed!" Tyler claimed. "Don't even repeat this to your young friend Daniel," Sabu warned,"He's not ready for this, trust me." "You, you.!" Dan cursed to Kevin from outside,"I'll snuff you!" "No you won't!" "Yeah! Right in your knee!" WHACK! "AAAAHHH!!" ".Keep it between us, ok?" "Sure Sabu," I grinned, feeling more motivated than ever,"Thanks." "Thank you Skye, come again!" Sabu's closing words repeated a couple times before I rejoined my friends outside. I found Tyler and Kevin standing over Dan, who was gripping his knees in pain. Then, I watched from a distance as Kevin provoked Dan verbally so much that Dan kicked Kevin in the side of his hurting knee, throwing him down upon the pavement with him.
Next stop: Mewtwo's Dungeon, a hobby store where bored teenagers and jobless burnouts can devote their newfound free time. This is where Dylan and the rest of my friends were most of the time. Plus, they scheduled a meeting a week ago, where we'd play some kind of new Pokemon battling epic.a dice-rolling, statistic based adventure. I was willing to try it out for once instead of watching from a distance, but Dan complained and wished to see Tyler. "C'mon, Skye!" Dan complained,"I'm tired of being dragged to this dork-a- rama." "Hey," I grinned,"Who said you had to come? I'm not your legal guardian, you know." "Well, that's a relief!" Dan answered as I reached for the handle to the tattered store,"Or else I'd be here forever!" "Plus, I can't just blow off my previous plans I made with Dylan! I agreed to come here a week ago!" The inside of the store was jam-packed with ever-devoted epic players, who were rolling dice, moving pewter figures, and playing cards. The walls were intricately lined with Pokemon training advertisements, boxed model sets and board games. A heavy air conditioning system hung lazily atop the ceiling, emitting a loud buzz from its fan, whirring with age. The atmosphere was muggy with talk and food, which was everywhere your eyes were positioned, among the valley of various tables, stools and bookshelves. Mewtwo's Dungeon: I don't know how to end it, but I'll say it's just plain fresh! The card shop's holder, a middle-aged man named Bobby wearing a tropical shirt with the front open, accompanied another rountid man wearing a green sweater named A.J who was always playing video games. The supervisor of the occasional card tournaments was another employee named Dave, who I think is quite bossy and a little too into his work. Anyway, all of us congregated ourselves to a table in the back, wedging ourselves through the various hobbyists forgetting to state how much of a pain in the preverbal it was getting around Mewtwo's Dungeon. "X'cuse me.sorry," I blabbered to any people I made the simplest physical contact with,"Oops, forgive me.comin through.oh, my bad." ".Ah." Dan gasped when he accidentally kicked the chair right out from under the rear of a sinewy little Puerto Rican kid nick-named Beans. Beans crashed to the floor while the single buttoned section of his overalls got caught in one of the chair's joints! "(Click.) WHAAA DA HELL!!" Beans squealed, while his friends cursed at us, but we paid them no attention. "Oops." I giggled passively,"Sorry, Beans." "Yeah.sorry," Dan couldn't hold back his laughter. "(Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU!!" Beans kicked and punched wildly, flipping the chair onto himself,"(click.) YOU WANNA FIGHT, ULTUNNO YALL!? (Click.) I BEAT YO ASS, CRACKA!" "Put a damper on it, Beans," I panicked,"What are you gonna do, Dan!? Stand there and let Beans cuss up a Def Jam Vendetta 2 promotional ad!? Move aside." Literally everyone temporarily got up from whatever game they were playing just to watch this accidental little fiasco. This also attracted the attention of Burrito, Bean's little pokemon Poochyena. Dan got down and uselessly yanked on Bean's overall strap, while I constantly warned Dan to unjam it from under the chair screw first. It took a couple minutes and a lot of toleration of Burrito's excessive barking and all of his group's swearing and cursing to free the stubborn overalls. "It's alright Beans.heh heh," I laughed. "(Click.) IT ALRIGHT FOR ME TO SNUFF YOU!! DAT ALRIGHT WIT ME!! DAT.!!" "Dan, pick the chair up." "Why!?" Dan fought off Burrito with one arm,"Beans is really cooking up my hard rice, if you know what I mean." "Damn it all!" I complained,"Didn't you consider that nothing's funner than being face to face with a little whining brat that could even start an argument with a Buckingham palace guard!?" "Well, you should think about our little Taco Bell mascot too; he's really showing some affection with those pointy little teeth." "Dan, shut up and free him for god's sake! I think I'm going DEAF here!"
But the thing was that Burrito took a quick nip out of Dan's butt, making him yowl more like a distraction than an unpleasant pain. Dan dropped the chair onto the ground so that one of the legs pinned down one of the excessively long ends of Bean's oversized do-rag so that when he tried to regain his footing, he was yanked to the ground again! "AAAAHH!!" Beans screamed out in a rage,"I KILL YOU!!" "Kill me!?" I shouted back,"Hey, hey, hey, who's the one wearing the bandanna!?" "(Click.) IT SA DO RAG!" "Fine Beans. A do-rag.c'mon now, cooperate with me here; this is just an every day accident that should've been easy to aplomb about 10 minutes ago.If my friend here were to.DAN!? Lift the chair up! You're killin' me here." Dan though was currently trying to free Burrito's powerful jaws off his pant leg,"Excuse me, Skye; this dog IS killing me." "(Sigh.) Dan, ignore the Poochyena and just throw the chair off of him! How specific do I have to get!?" Dan stubbornly ignored the dog and gave the upright chair a good shove, sending it crashing onto Beans again! I flailed my arms in the air as Dan stood the chair up again. Then, he hit it in the other direction so that it fell onto his dog instead. A clang and an excited yip resulted. "Dan, I said,'throw the chair off of him,' not,' throw the chair onto him or at his dog in retaliation'!" "Screw that," Dan carelessly nodded,"Poochyenas get on my nerves.especially Burrito!" "Just don't ask me to buy you any treats at the Poke Mart for awhile." Meanwhile, Burrito squirmed out from under the chair and attempted round two of trying to bite Dan's heels, but Beans grabbed the feisty dog by the scruff of the neck and scooped it under his armpit. "There," I panicked,".Looks like the Beans I know.YIKES!" ".I CUT YOU!" I gasped because the shrimp whipped a knife out of his pocket and held it to my rib cage (It was as high as he could reach!) But in a way I wasn't scared, because it was the fact that it was.not what you'd expect. A confident defiance re-emerged itself. "Beans! That's a butter knife." "Gimmie fitty cent." ".Please Beans." I grinned,"You really don't need to do this. I was just commenting you before.heh heh.looking good!" "(Click.) Yeah, look like Beans wit a chair to da face, punk!" Beans challenged with a high-pitched voice meant to be terrifying,"Now you gimmie fitty cent, B." ".Huh? Beans, it's FIFTY cents." "(Click.) Yeah you fitty cent b-yatch!" ".I'm only worth fifty cents?" I laughed,"Excuse me Beans; mom paid much more than that to bring me into existence.so next time, try judging people by their nature than their finances." "(Click.).I SAY GIMMIE FITTY CENT OR I CUT YOU, B-YATCH!" Burrito let out a supporting yip. "Go ahead and try it," I laughed,"Cuz' if I were you, I wouldn't rub the end of a dull kitchen utensil against a black belt Ninjitsu student of Master Mushu!" ".Skye!" "Dan, shut up and play along," I winked at him. Wow, what a fib.well, just the belt level. That was all made up at the last minute. ".Yeah!" Dan over-exaggerated, but played his part,"Mushu's gonna whoop your ASS, MAN!!"
Before Beans could strike back with a remark of his own, Burrito's nose pointed to Dave, who up to now was unobtrusive. He was trying to stop the fight and get the card and table-top games running again.
"Hey, break it up, break it up," Dave pushed through the crowd and stood between us,"Any more crap is pulled off by the both of you, you're out. Got it?"
".Ok," I answered.
"Throw Beans out," Dan laughed,"And his dirt-faced mutt!"
Beans lashed out again, but Dave gave him a firm elbow that threw the little kid into his chair again.
"GHAA, B-YATCH, WHAT S'OUR PROBLEM!? YA OWE ME FITTY CENT! YOU OWE ME FITTY CENT!!"
"You need fifty cents," Dave remarked as A.J and Bobby ran over, scooped the flailing Beans up and dragged him towards the entrance of Mewtwo's Dungeon,".For tuition for the national school of anger management!"
"I GONNA GIT YOU, B-YATCH!!" Beans flipped out the butter knife again,"AND WHEN I GIT YA I'M GONNA MAKE YOU GO GIMMIE FITTY CENT!! DIS KNIFE GONNA FIND YA AND CUT YOU, B'YATCH!! "
"Save me the anxiety and go spread toast with it instead," I smugly taunted with my back turned.
"I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU!!!" Bean's cries faded out as A.J held him while Bobby delivered the shoe to his skinny sitter. A.J fought Burrito off and pitched him right out with his trainer; soon his friends followed, plus a normal atmosphere.
"Dude whatever," Bobby followed with a common line,"Kill yourself."
With everything good and mollified, we had meandered from our main task; finding Dylan and the others.
"Skye, let's get out of here," Dan complained again,"I'm tired of witnessing the dis- functionality of people that sell their soul to this stuff."
".Dan, if you're gonna bounce, just do it," I answered back,"Oh, there he is."
It was a fierce game of Pokemon Trading Card Duels: Dylan drew his next card and looked his hand over very carefully.while studying is opponent's face for a chance to interpret what his next move would be.
"Just try to throw another one of those stupid things against my Charizard! It'll get cooked!" came his opponent's urging voice.
"Not if I use this.Energy Removal!" Dylan grinned, using his cards with a swift finesse,".Followed by a Gust of Wind (Dylan farts, he laughs.) that sends your Dragon Tales cohort back where he belongs.leaving only that poor, helpless Charmander that's in desperate need of Poke life insurance.which means I just use Raticate's Hyper Fang to deal 40+ which means already defeat you, score my last prize and win the overall game, but I'll just flip the coins to inflict extra damage just for fun!"
".HEEEEY!" Dylan's opponent cried out in annoyance,"That wasn't FAIR!"
".And didn't you forget? You were about six energy cards from actually attacking, too."
"WHAAAH!!" "Oh, in your FACE!" Dylan shouted,BOO-YAHH!!"
We arrived behind him just after he claimed his victory, trying desperately to get his attention.
"Hey, Dylan."
".BOOO-YAAAH!!" Dylan shouted at the little 6 year old boy that he just dueled,"I gotta admit you had me with that Alakazam's Damage Swap power, but man, I beat you SOOO BAD!!"
"Dylan."
He was still celebrating when the little boy gave him the finger and stomped away, sobbing. Dylan was never fazed.
"Dylan.DYLAN!!"
"AAH, DUDE!" Dylan greeted me,"You scared the crap out of me. What's going on, dude?"
"Nothin," I replied,"Let me guess; you won another Pokemon TCG with your,'Rabid Killer Squirrel,' deck, huh?"
"Heh heh, yeah."
"Rabid Killer Squirrel deck?" Dan asked,".Ok."
"What's keeping Jill and the others?" Dylan asked to himself,"You've seen em anywhere?"
"Other than school.no."
"I think they've decided to pursue something that has eluded everyone in here, called." Dan joked, though none of us heard him,"A life."
Meanwhile, a teenage boy walked up to Dave, who was cataloguing and sorting out name tags and cards.
"Hey man, do you know where the john is!? I gotta go."
"Hey man, do you know where your house is?" Dave joked back,"You gotta go there."
"But dude, there IS some sort of latrine in here, isn't there? I see people going into it all the time."
"Yeah, there is. But there is usually one person in there all the time."
"Who?"
"You get the point," he said dully,"If you saw people go INTO the bathroom, then you obviously know where it's located."
"But."
"So do it!" he shouted,"Go take a leak."
"So what are we gonna do today, if not Pokemon card battling?" I asked,"Borehammer? Magic the Orgying? Another round of Dungeons and Dirtbags?"
"Not today, dude!" Dylan pulled out a book of some kind and shows it to me, hyperactively shouting,"HERE IT IS, DUDE! THE BRAND SPANKIN' NEW POKEMON EPICS RULEBOOK!! KICK ASS DUDE!!"
"Um.cool," I sighed, embarrassed.
"I haven't seen much enthusiasm from him ever since he smothered Jeff's face with Citadel model primer and took a picture," Dan whispered to me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Dylan lifted up the book and cooed at it like a baby.
"Hey, do you buy cards?" a nosy group of kids asked Dave.
"You know the answer to that," Dave replied, not looking up from his work.
"We do?"
Dave walked over and held up a flyer for his store,"Mewtwo's Dungeon:.Trade, Sell.BUY! Of course we do. What are you offering?"
One of the kids held up some cards for Dave to see.
"These are commons," Dave answered blankly.
"Yeah, we know!" one of the boys replied.
".Why should I buy these." Dave reasoned,"When the Wizards of the Pond sends me boxes and boxes of them for cheaper?"
"Cuz."
Dave cut him off,"Well, not exactly free, my friends. But we sure get so much of em' that we're selling commons for a quarter each."
"We know that!"
".Yeah!"
"So I can just do myself a favor." Dave flipped through the commons box and drew out the exact ones that they were offering,"There. No need to buy em now. Now go, scram, disseminate, use em as fire kindling or give em to a wino something if you don't want em."
"So, what's so special about this Pokemon Epics?" I asked.
"Oh, the plot gets old and repeatative, so you already know that you're going on a pokemon journey and collecting Gym Badges," Dylan explained,"But it doesn't stop there. You get to customize everything from your trainer's eyes and hair and their pokemon teams to the kind of underwear they put on every morning. There are a lot of scenarios and worlds and tools and stuff.you get the drill. Enough to make you want to call this game your daddy."
".Or your stimulant," Dan ranked again.
"What's up, man?" another card-collecting boy approached Dave,"Wanna see my collection? I wanna sell it to ya."
Dave rolled his eyes and approached his new customer,".I guess. As long as they're holographic or rare, I'll buy em."
He handed his binder over and showed him the page that contained his rarest, most precious cards. Dave saw that they had no scratches, eroded corners, nor were they fake.a perfect purchase.
"Hmm." Dave punched in some buttons on his calculator,"I add the price of your holographic Ampharos, Blaziken, Vaporeon, Mighthyena and.and not to forget the promo Ho-oh.your collection is currently worth 253 Navian dollars and seven cents."
"WHOOOO-HOO!!" the boy leapt up and down,"Are you gonna buy it!? Huh!? Are ya, are YA!?"
".Looks good," Dave concluded,".I'll take it, but I'm not paying you in cash."
"Oh, now you're telling me you're gonna take it for free." the kid grumbled.
"We pay in store credit," Dave corrected, taking out a different calculator this time,".And if I put your collection's worth through this here.it currently reads that it is worth one dollar and 34 cents in pure, Mewtwo-s Dungeon store credit."
"But.but." the kid gasped,"The store says that you BUY cards! I mean, the cards I'm selling.they're rare as hell, dude! They're scratch- less.100 percent original.and all First edition! I don't get it!"
"Well," Dave ignored most of the kid's complaining,"We do buy cards, but our first instinct is naturally to haggle with the dealer to an extent that we can buy em' for as cheap as possible."
The boy remained frozen with a look of developing anger on his face.
"You gotta understand.it's human nature."
".What the heck could I buy with that cheap sum of cash, anyway!?" the boy complained,"Knights of the Bridge Table, Revenge of the Zombified Pokemon Professors, Fairy Eaters or one of these queer dust-collectors? A lifetime supply of Twizzlers that have been sitting on your rack since the eighties? And strangely, that doesn't even cover a THIRD of the cost for another Pokemon booster pack."
".Sorry, I had to do it," Dave said stupidly,"Aren't we a bunch of little weasely bastards?"
"It's that calculator, isn't it!? The zero button is probably broken!"
"Even if it was, it's none of your brown-nosing business."
".Screw this!" he complained, slamming his album shut and storming out the door,"I'd make a fortune selling em' to some creepy old bastard on Ebay! Later!!"
".Fine. See you ten years from now.when I die from a lack of exercise and decide to not put up with your crap anymore," Dave concluded, secretly trying to disfigure the zero button on his calculator more than it was before.
".Oh, there they are," I pointed out to Jill, Jesse, and Burger, who were just coming through the door.
"WHEEEEEHH!!" Dylan screamed at them, replying back with something similar. As we all congregated, Dylan took out his Pokemon Epics rulebook and showed it to all of his friends as well. Then, we all seated ourselves at a table in the back.
Jesse lifted up a little card on the table that read,'Reserved for Ou- Gi-Oh! Tournament, then flicked it aside,"Dude, total suckage. I can't stand those people."
"Thinking that they run all over all us non-Ou-Gi-Oh! people," Dylan added,"Now, someone get out the checklist."
"Checklist?" Dan asked,"What about the ecstasy?"
Jill yanked a roll of machine paper from her hoodie, and Dylan put a finger into the air,"Sun Flora Flora chips? (Check!) Cherry Popsi? (Check!) Pokemon character sheets? (Check!) Dice bag? (Definitely!) our homework.?"
".Huh?" all of us asked out.
"Save it for the last minute," Dylan joked,"Now, let's play!"
"Dude, wait." Jesse was digging through his pack,"Damn, much suckage. We forgot the chips and soda, but I doubt we'll need em."
"WHAA.?" Dylan became aggravated.
"Well, we're pretty sidetracked to begin with."
".We can be as sidetracked as much as you guys want to be!" Dylan went into a hissy fit,"Without anything to get fat and flatulent over, what the hell is a Pokemon Epics party then!? A Kosher Nascar event!?"
"Um." Jesse and Jill began to drip sweat. "Oh my god," Dan panicked,"We've degraded ourselves to the point that we're having a controversy over corn chips. CORN CHIPS! Truly sad." ".I'm sure the rest of us want to get fat and flatulent playing Pokemon Epics! And you know ho much we have to clog our arteries with junk food in order to fulfill such a Mewtwo's Dungeon tradition! Now, you hopeless idiots get us some chips and soda so we can get fat and flatulent!!" "Hey, we'll do it!" Jill ran off with Jeff,".Whiner!" "C'mon Burger!" Jeff shouted,"Stop eating that kid's grinder!" "HEEEEEEYY!!"
"Hey Dave, can I sell you any cards?" another boy asked.
"Yeah, sure," Dave walked over annoyed,"What cha offering?"
"Here ya go," he flashed a shiny card from his card binder,"Holographic Promo Mew! First edition, mint condition!"
Dave took the card and looked over it thoroughly with a magnifying glass. Then, he put it against a lamp to see if it was fake or not, then flipped it over and made a flinching motion. Immediately, Dave turned the card to it's owner.
"You said, mint condition, right?" Dave asked.dully.
"Yeah!" the kid answered.
"Hmm." Dave scratched his head,"I see what you mean by mint.which in a way doesn't explain why there are greenish-chocolate stains all over the back of it."
The kid was astonished by Dave's sudden change in reaction to the card. He immediately handed it back to him.
".As you see, Mint condition is defined as." Dave flipped out a dictionary,".'being in it's original, unused condition.' Not,'smothered by hanbds that had just been used to fork Andes down your gullet with lukewarm fingertips."
"Oh.really?" the kid whined hopelessly,"Oh, man, that's what mint condition really means."
"And being a card collector, it should be like slippers to Professor Oak," Dave turned away to his work once more.
The threesome returned, but not with any form of snack or sweetened, carbonated drink. Boy, that sure got Dylan a little more than concerned when he saw the three of them sitting there with their hands outstretched like as to accept an offering.
"Dude, where's the stuff!? I told you to bring chips and soda, not ask for blessings!"
"Dude, some little kid with a knife took our quarters." Jesse gasped.
"Shut up, Jesse!!" Jill elbowed him and told an entirely different story,".We mean, this jacked dude you'd see on Cops.those guys that take your money and pokemon and."
"Oh, really."
".He was all small and stuff.huh huh," Burger chuckled.
"Thanks, tubby," Jill cursed.
".You're lying?" Dylan saw through it,"Yeah sure, future reporters of the National Enquirer."
"So.W-w-w-w-what do we d-d-dooo!?" Jesse cried.
"Dude, just beat the tar out him and take his money!" Dylan answered, turning away.
"Huh, huh, OK," Burger laughed as the threesome departed again, and all was quiet but all of the hobbyist's chatter. It was only minutes later that through a barrage of disconcerting barking we overheard punching noises, a squeal, and the clatter of change against the sidewalk.
Meanwhile, all of us were bickering where to sit and how to prepare the playing area.
"Now, I get to sit over here."
"Skye, that's my seat!"
"Dudes! The DM sits at the end of the table!"
"Why so!?"
"Because I'm the one actually putting this game together!"
"Can I sit here in this then!?"
"No dude."
"But there's one more than enough chairs for us.Why can't I just take one of these."
"All three of em are for Burger's fat ass."
"Argh!"
I looked over my shoulder when I we were interrupted by someone knocking on the end of the table we were planning as our game area. I happened to be Dave.
"What do you want, Dave?" Dylan asked, pulling his rulebooks away from him.
"Did you smart people read the little card I had worked on so hard this morning? You know, the one that said,'Reserved for the Ou-Gi-Oh Tournament,' that was resting all cushy here on the table?"
"Um.yeah?" Dylan answered timidly,"We did before it got drafted."
The both of us let out a weak giggle.
".So." Dave shrugged,"Where is it and who are YOU people!? Huh?"
"Dude, we're your friends?"
"Are you guys participating in a tournament? Are you guys Ou-Gi-Oh players?"
"I don't know," Dylan answered,".Until you bring us some tight leather, Egyptian jewelry."
"Hair gel!" Dan screamed out randomly,"Hair GEL!"
"Yeah.hair gel!" Dylan answered,"Yeah, we could play the part."
"Play the part?" David asked,"Cut the crap and move."
"Quiet, you," Dylan imitated a certain Oh-Gi-Oh character, with the arms crossed and the stern, corny voice to boot,"I'm running a company."
I laughed. Dan put his finger to his head as if he were to shoot himself.
"So you wanna play Broadway with me, don't ya? Wanna play a good part?" Dave asked, picking up Dylan by the back of his shirt collar, seeming vexed,"How about you play the part in this musical of the annoyingly, useless customer who is seconds from receiving a royal kick to his hamburger's home for refusing to shovel off his excess skin flakes from the Reserved seating."
"WHEEEEH!!" Dylan squealed, attracting an extremely entertained group of spectators. I stepped up to Dave and pleaded.
"C'mon, it was an accident. We'll move and it'll be over."
"Better," Dave dropped Dylan right into the chair behind me, walking back to the counter where he was, as he mentioned,"Working so hard," like he was before. The goofy laughing from everyone else revealed that this has happened before.many, many, many times.
"Wow," I said out of nowhere,"The happiness that blooms from a grungy card store."
"What bliss," Dan replied to me sarcastically. "What the hell," Dylan cursed,"Why do they get all the clean tables and chairs? All the free 2 liters and chips and Ju-Ju beads.at the snap of your royal freakin' highness' pudgy fingers? Stupid Oh-Gi-Oh players." "C'mon, let's stop messing around and start playing Pokemon Epics," I interrupted,"Can't people just get to the point?" "I wanna go home," Dan blared out blandly. "Shut up, you little weasel!" WHACK! "Ow." I seized the chair from the Oh-Gi-Oh tables and brought it over to the adjacent one, since availability of one was pretty scant. For a while Dylan pried each of the books from his backpack that were required to play. As Dylan worked diligently on the set up, Dan curiously drew closer to Dylan and persistently threw rude questions at him. "Hey, Dylan!" Dan joked,"Why is it that you have to use more books than that of a Roman library wardrobe? Don't they get pretty heavy?" "Naw, you think?" Dylan answered,"That's cuz you need the Pokemon Epics Player's Handbook.the Pokemon Epics Pokemon Manual.and Pokemon Epics Tool book.you definitely need the Pokemon Epics Date Book." Dan stared blankly back at Dylan. "Yeah, I thought these games were more hassling versions of Mouse Trap. Have ya ever played Mouse Trap?" Dylan ignored him for a while, sorting out our character sheets and trying as hard as possible not to keep his attention tied to Dan. ".One time my brother yanked on one of the components, and it snapped, and one of the plastic mouse pieces hit me in the crotch." Dylan dropped the Date Book to slowly turn a stare over his shoulder. His jaw was hanging open with awe and annoyance. ".It really hurt."
"Hey! Move it, un-cool Mewtwo's Dungeon rule violators." "What!?" Dylan complained,"But we're sitting at this table." "Let me warn you that when people don't obey the rules, I get really, really mad." "Ok," We all answered simultaneously. ".And I think you don't want to see me get really mad." "Well, I think I do." "Dan, shut up!" I hissed. "Look," Dylan got up and waved his hands at our table,"I devoted a long time to trying to make our Pokemon Epics game happen here at this table. Do you see any stupid reserved cards?" "No." "Then stop harassing us, dude!" "I don't see any reserved cards." Dave posed like Shakespeare gripping a human skull,".Nor do I see how the people of this fair, ghetto card store can sit down to play Oh-Gi-Oh if their chairs have been drawn away." "OHHH." I trailed off. ".To be.or not to BEEE???" David plucked Dylan off the ground again,"Ejected from Mewtwo's Dungeon with extreme prejudice?" "AAAAAHHHH!!" Dylan squealed. "What a weirdo," Dan said blankly. "Fine, damn it," I answered,"Dylan, stop tussling with Dave and help me move ALL the chairs back to where we had em." "Alright," Dave dropped Dylan, but this time, he fell onto his butt and hit his head against the table (We ignored his squeal.) "I knew none of you wanted to see me in my angry state." "And none of us definitely wanted to hear your poetry, either," I smiled back. Once Dave was gone, we got back to our original location and set up there. Instead of moving the chairs from their spot, I decided to turn them around so that we could use the table BEHIND the reserved section. "But dude, he technically said NOT to move the chairs!" Dylan objected. "Aww, come on," I urged,"You're not just gonna let some pudgy, undergraduate table shark run all over us, are ya? Well, all I have to say is that I'm losing my patience, too." "I'm losing my sanity, that's what I'm losing!" Dan cried,"WHAAAAH!!" "I am gonna turn the chairs around once the Ou-Gi-Oh people get here, aren't I?" "One point for goody-two combat shoes. Whoop whoo," Dan tediously moaned. "Hey, Dylan!!" "WHAAAT~!!" Dylan dropped all of his things, turning to face his next verbal oppressor,"Damn it all Dav.oh, hey Jeff." "We're back!" Jeff and our other friends answered. "Huh, huh.back," Burger sat down on one of the chairs, accidentally watching him collapse as the chair gave in to his weight. "Stupid Burger," Jill taunted. Dylan, who hadn't seen the bag of the snacks that Jeff had brought back, jumped to conclusions,"Look dude. If you gonna whine about getting mugged by one more little kid." Jesse frowned, having held the bag of snacks before Dylan minutes before he actually caught sight of them. "Oh.let me see." Dylan sifted his hand through the treats,".Ok.ok.yeah, thanks guys. It's good." "Dude, yeah," Jeff took a seat with his other friends. ".Yeah, good in terms of a Spanish Class end-of-the-year snack party," Dylan threw the food back at Jeff,"What the hell, dude! Why are you being so freakin' stingy!?" "C'mon, dude!" Jeff whined,"I have to save money for the yearbook!" "Screw the yearbook! When you're in Dylan's inner circle, who cares about staring at cheerleaders!? Dude, when you play Pokemon Epics 24-7 like the rest of us do, what do you think is the only thing you have to devote to us, huh? Your butt sweat? C'mon, dude, your money is ours too! Isn't it?" ".Dylan." Jeff trembled,".I like looking at cheerleaders!" "Me too!" Dan declared. "I'm sure you do!" Dylan shoved him off of his chair,"Get over it, you prep! That yearbook will be the biggest waste of 100 Navian dollars you ever spent! Who told you to buy that anyway? Your lonely, mate-less brother at college? Now, get some more damn chips!" "100 dollars to stare up cheerleader's skirts?" Dan whispered to me,"Sheesh, if you compare that to Dylan's 500+ payload on Pokemon Epic games, I definitely wouldn't be calling that a waste." "True dat." "You think I'm just talking to HIM!?" Dylan scolded Jill and Burger as well. "Hey, hey, HEY!" Jill shrieked,"We don't have to escort Jeff around like he's Tony Soprano or something."
With a loud and pestering screech of a lack of lubrication, the door to Mewtwo's Dungeon threw itself open to the way of customers. Dave normally wouldn't pay attention to the traffic going in and out of Mewtwo's Dungeon, but something about the manner of the visitor's entrance told Dave that these were no usual customers.
As he expected, the two elderly women approached the counter, the both of them wearing faded tan overcoats over their pudgy bodies.
"Hello, young man," the first woman greeted brusquely, gaining no attention whatsoever. Dave resumed watching TV, knowing those two were there, even on important notice! ".Excuse me, young man." she persisted, raising her voice,"EXCUSE ME!" "AAAH!" Dave shrieked,"Ida B. Wells cryogenically revived!!" "Could we have a word with you, young man!?" "Yeah," the second woman blared out as Dave stood behind the counter before them, artificially paying attention by staring right down at them with a bland facial expression. ".Do you believe in the comin' of the Lord Ho-oh?" ".Um." Dave scratched his head. Without allowing him to answer, the second woman drew out a brochure and approached,"Well, if you've read the Ecruteak Bible and all of the lessons it has taught us throughout our existence as human beings." ".And how we all benefit under the gracious mercy of the Lord and his providence," the other woman asked,"Young man, do you read the Bible?" Dave didn't catch the question. ".Do you read the Bible?" she repeated a bit harsher. "Yeah.the Software Bible." "Well, it's about time that you should," she replied disappointingly,"Because by subscribing to The Tower, which we are offering you today, you will receive 12 issues." "13," the other woman corrected. ".13 issues of the Tower; each issue brimming with life." "And the gracious mercy." ".Of the Lord."
It would be beneficial to a man like him, but a dilemma arose in the back of his mind.
"Nope, never heard of him!" Dave turned away from the old ladies.
"Hang on, you," the woman tugged on his back pocket,"I know you."
"No you don't. You never will."
"Tell me your name."
"My name is Neo."
"TELL ME!" she grabbed ahold of Dave's vulnerable earlobe and pulled him in.
".Alright, it's Dave! Are you happy already!?"
Releasing him, she questioned further,"Haven't I given you our trial magazine to fill out? Where is our trial magazine?" Dave stood with his hands behind his back, uttering a nervous, toothy grin,"what trial?"
"We gave you a trial magazine. Where is it?"
"How'd you get this address?"
"Where is it!?"
"You know.uh." Dave came up with excuses,".I was filling it out at home, you see.and I came across where I had to put my social security number."
The ladies looked him over sternly, detecting his lack of honesty.
".And then, I received a urgent call from the U.S.S Enterprise."
Finally removing her hands from behind her back, the woman flashed the magazine that she had forcefully given to him earlier that week.faded and torn. Dave winced.
"We found this in your fireplace this Monday," she answered grimly.
".Dude, how'd you get in my house!?" Dave backed up.
"Some respect for us!" the old woman growled,"We offered you our gracious mercy, and you threw it away like yesterday's news!"
".You guys are stalkers," Dave convicted with an erect index finger,"And I thought that it was the Lord's gargantuan.whatever."
"GRACIOUS mercy," Dave was corrected.
"How dare you defy us, you fat tub of Twinkie cream!" the other woman ridiculed,"You and your materialistic Poke-MAN cards and views.!"
"HOLD IT," Dave argued back as if to make a point,"Before you go on and on about my body mass, why don't you go back to your doorstep-marketing monastery and pray or something."
"What are you saying!? Why you flatulent."
"Leave me alone!"
"I don't think so!" she grabbed his wrist and squeezed hard.
"Dude, you're everywhere," Dave fought the grip,"And your rings are digging into my skin and influencing unneeded pain."
"I'm glad!" she stuck a finger at him,"Listen up, you naughty boy; why don't you not spend so much time lingering away here and accept our gracious."
"The Lord's."
".The Lord's gracious mercy!"
"Why YOUR gracious mercy?" Dave argued,"The only mercy and blessings I get from you persistent trick-or-preachers are UN-style inspections for everything even with dismal amounts of un-holiness so that you can go targeting me for that."
"We don't do that.!" the old woman grew furious,"You're the devil! You hear me!? BEEZLEBUB! The DEVIL-!!"
"Brooke Burns.!" Dave ignored them, peering over his shoulders at the TV,".I'm missing Dog Eat Dog, dammit."
Dylan wasn't in the greatest mood, even with his friend's departure. At that we made all of our preparations as quick as possible, trying to shrug off the fact that Dave would return at any minute to complain about our seating. That was because my mind was on the adventuring, battling and some of my favorite pokemon that I have often used during the course of the game. .And how I'd fare as a pokemon trainer actually carrying it all out in real life! "Skye.Skye!" Dan ran into me from behind by accident whine trying to maneuver through the tight isle of chairs. Burger followed close behind him, pinning him between me and him and preventing much of his mobility. "What?" I asked annoyingly. "Bend over." "WHAT!?" "Bend over, damn it!" I looked around at all of the card players in the store,"Why!?" "I dropped a lady finger around here somewhere," Dan scratched his head. "Aww, damn," I subsided to his orders, leaning down and peering through an intricate jungle of customer and chair legs. Meanwhile, Dan was slightly bent over me trying to look for the item he lost. By accident his stomach lurched into my tailbone.
"Dan!" I cursed,"Back up!"
"Uh." Dan complained,"Can't comply because of Burger's girth!"
"Aw, Shuckles.Dan, what random intention did you have drawing out a firecracker in a public place anyway!? Huh?"
"I traded my School I.D to some kid for it, Skye! I didn't want it to fall out; believe me!"
Dan edged over and bumped into the back of an indulged card player's chair so that he turned around to see who disturbed him. When Dan waved back childishly, the boy then noticed the peculiar position the two of us were forced to be in. He issued a snicker to us, which drew more eyes to our little fiasco.
"Dude, what the hell," Dylan hissed,"Is this retard rush hour or something?" "For that!? Oh brother, Dan; you could get 4 of those for a buck."
"What the heck do you need a school I.D for anyway? Everyone knows who Danny Ultunno is!"
".Because everyone knows you've approximately cut more Math classes than you've attended them!"
"Sure! Now, did you find it yet? Dylan's being a real strain here."
"Dude, I am NOT!"
I bent over again (.) shortly before we had discovered just what Dan had lost: the cheap, red-striped explosive lie just under the chair.just out of my grip.
"Gotcha!"
"Good. Now stop trying to find my firecracker and find my firecracker already!"
"Oh, shut up!" I laughed,"Why don't you try bending over your best friend and reaching a couple feet forwards? I'm sure you'd have a good time attempting to!"
"Uh." Dylan shrugged with distain from the back.
"Now, c'mon. Get it Skye!"
"I am! Just a bit.closer."
"Got it?"
"No. Move forwards so I can reach it."
".Ok. Got it?"
"NO!"
"You slacker!"
"Bite me!"
I thrust forwards with my fingers outstretched, desperately reaching for the bomb so that we could finally continue on with what we were doing. UP where Dan was, my sudden action made him topple onto my back, making everyone in the vicinity who was watching us start roaring with laughter. I felt his weight just as my head crashed into the back of a chair leg so that all of us hit the floor on our faces!
"Dude, what's going on!?" Jill spotted us,"Ick."
"Aww.Dan?" I asked.
"Yeah?" Dan dizzily replied.
"New rule.don't ever, ever, EVER bring any more small articles into a crowded zone. For our sake.got it?"
"Yeah."
".I mean, the bomb."
"Damn."
"Listen you.!!" the old woman warned with a hand still firmly wrenched around Dave's,"I've filed a restraining order.!"
"Restraining? Geez, you couldn't even restrain a cooking spoon from your bratty kids."
"Are you gonna buy our magazines or not!?" the second old woman blared out.
"Shut your mouth, girl!" she snapped,"I've already got my hands on this wretch right now!"
"Soon, someone's gonna have their hands on YOU," Dave snapped his fingers with a free hand. In mere seconds, A.J and Bobby jumped the snotty old ladies, throwing them to the ground and freeing Dave from their grip! They easily got them under control, dragging them out kicking and screaming. Dave followed behind, just out of reach of their flailing feet.
"C'mon, you," A.J urged.
"We'll get you to confess for this, you infidel!"
"It's not like I don't believe in God or anything," Dave joked,"It's just that I don't believe the whole bit about using armed force to make people subscribe to corny packets in order to believe in God."
"You lyin! You's lyin and you know it!"
"YEAH!"
"I know what you're planning!" Dave shouted,"You're gonna spread your influence to poor people like us with your stupid magazines so that we'll all go on with our lives being obsessed with making money off stupid magazines! And then when more of us start annoying the crap out of people by selling stupid magazines, it's gonna make even more people want to sell stupid magazines, and then it'll swallow Navia, and then the world, and then the Algol Star System."
"LIAR!"
"And you're gonna start stalking secluded card stores where people believe anything that's said to them! That's it! You guys are a bunch of Communists!"
"No we're NOT! Card stores do the same thing, fool!"
"Who's the materialists now, huh!?"
"Stop it!"
"Who's your DADD-EH!?"
"I oughta spank you!"
"Go on believing what you believe," Dave causally responded, standing by the now open door,"You guys go believe in being ordered by your priest or whatever into yanking people out of bed while I go believe in selling overpriced trading cards so that I can actually support my solo family and make my life work."
".I hope that your children and the ones that come here will not desire to grow up throwing little Poke-MAN monsters at each other!"
"People like YOU!"
"I'm sure that they won't," Dave closed the interaction with sarcasm,"Bye now."
With a quick shove, A.J and Bobby bounced the two women out the door, sending them toppling onto the sidewalk. Before they could barge back in, the two of them locked the door so that their entry was barred. The next passing minute dragged by before they left for good.
"I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!" a dopey little kid cheered to Dan randomly.
"Do you like living by yourself in an apartment lined with card- promotion posters?" Dan asked back,"Living off a diet based
".I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!"
"Oh-kay."
"Dan, what are you doing." I asked as I detected a familiar presence after recovering from our little fiasco.
The fun didn't stop there. Once again, my ears picked up Dylan's familiar squeal as we turned back to the inevitable: Dave again had Dylan by the back of his hoodie. But he wasn't just allowing his legs to dangle mere inches from the ground: he was gradually dragging him towards the back!
"WHEEEEH!!"
"With all this stolen seating commotion, where have you all been raised up til' now!?" Dave demanded,"An overcrowded ball park?"
"Look." I got angry,"For the last time."
"For the last time that you've made me excuse myself from today's episode of Navian Idol!" Dave was furiously but cleverly mocking us,".You had me missing out on some wicked visual cleavage, so you're all gonna PAY."
"Pay!?" Jill whined,"Navia is a country of free speech! We as the customer, deserve the right of way!"
"We're not socialists!" Jeff shouted.
"Yeah!" Dylan added.
"Well, you political dropouts, you've gone over the border in Mewtwo's Dungeon; in here, Ou-Gi-Oh players enlisting in tournaments deserve the right of way."
Meanwhile, a nervous little boy waiting just near the cash register was receiving some comforting words from his father.
"Duh-duh-duh-daddy.I'm.I'm nervous."
"It'll be ok, Jimmy," the father replied,"Just politely ask the cashier if you can sell your Pokemon cards, then leave me to the negotiating. There's not much to it!"
"Really?"
"Don't fret, Jimmy; the people here are smart and respectful for their customers." In the background,"Get in the basement! NOW!"
"No, dude! NO!!"
"Get down there!!"
"But dude, you're violating the 14th amendment!!"
"But.Dad."
"It's a card store, son. Whoever works here likes people who come in and sell them good Pokemon Cards.and then they pay you and they keep the cards, so that they can sell them to other people and continue to make themselves thrive. it's business, my boy."
".They like me?"
"After all, son, they like people like you! Now, go ask them about your cards."
With an encouraging shove, the boy timidly approached Dave with his card binder. However, before he could utter a peep, Dave turned over the other shoulder and screamed abruptly,"SHUT UP!!"
Talking over the fleeing, crying little boy, I hopelessly attempted peace by singing,"Why can't we be friends.why can't we be friends."
"Why can't I be friends.with my TV for just one freakin' minute!?" Dave mumbled,".Oh man, I'm writhing in agony each second that my eyes are severed from me watching Spawn kill things on my Nintendo Gamecube in the most awesome-est way possible.and I really am on the verge of death!"
"And so are WE!" Jill complained. "Why can't we be friends.?.Um.uh." "Skye, admit it!" Dan poked my ribs viciously,"You don't know te rest of that kinky song! Don't cha!? DON'T CHA!?" "Yeah, I don't." "Then stop singing it! The utterly stupid events occurring just now and a half hour ago is just enough!" Dave whipped the door open with one hand, while urging us down the stairs with the other. "How about this!?" Jeff begged,"Can we leave or something?" "Dude, no way am I leaving!!" Dylan cried snobishly,"I've sat through all of this crap and you think I'm just gonna LEAVE!!?" "You can leave," Dave smiled aggressively,".Through this door! Bye now!" Dave managed to shove Burger into all of us so that we tumbled down the stairs screaming and grunting rebelliously.except Dan, who forced his head through the ajar door ad bit down on Dave's thumb just as he was closing it. "Ah, son of a.!!" Dave shouted, slamming the door against his head until he finally gave in for good.
Disclaim these trifle things restraining you from the action! And now.for some hobby-store havoc as Skye and Dan meet up with Dylan and the others in a game of unintended attrition!!
"Tabletop Tussles,"
One crappy school day down. Nine to go, not counting the weekend!
And I'm definitely counting the days until I get my Pokemon License!
Leaving the bustling school for the day, I had already met up with Dan after one excruciating biology class, and the ones before that were better left unexplained. While on the way out though, I ran into a green- haired classmate named Clyde, who was about my age.
"Hey Clyde. How's it going?" I asked.
"I'm fine," he answered, digging through his pockets for something.
"What do you want, Clyde?" Dan asked,"I haven't seen you 'round here much."
"I've been gone pokemon training a little while!" Clyde answered happily,"Hey Skye, wanna battle? Everyone around here says they're not ready to."
Now that's something I didn't want to hear. Well, I'll just phrase it as something I DID want to listen to, but now wasn't the time! Saying no would rebuff me back into my no-pokemon minority! Saying no would make me an outcast again! Saying no.would be just too embarrassing!
But I had to me honest.
".No, I can't," I shuddered like the afraid little boy that I really was.
"Aww, man!" Clyde sighed.
".Why.can't I have a real pokemon." I stumbled over to one of the aluminum trashcans lying turned over on the peak of the stairway to my school, lifted it up and stared at my hazy reflection. Then, I began to continually bash my forehead against the can, chanting,"Why, WHY, WHY, WHY.!"
"Skye! SKYE!!" Dan ran over and tried to force the can out of my hands,"Skye!? Get a grip!"
".WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!!?"
Dan laughed out loud as he hit the can out of my hands with a well- aimed punch, sending it over the railing of bushes! When the can landed though, he heard a loud grunt from someone, but Dan didn't care.
".Fine," Clyde answered hopelessly, running off,"I'll see you sometime! Later, ace!"
"Don't fret, Skye!" Dan tried to cheer me up,"That'll come later."
".Well, I'll just fret about this bruise," I sighed,"Opportunities don't come like that too often."
".Though that does kinda suck," Dan trailed off,"I'd think the same, but wouldn't be knocking my head against an ashtray!"
"Is it the fact that I stand out in some way?" I asked,"Is it my funny hair color? I didn't dye it at birth, you know."
"Your hair?" Dan asked,"Nah. I don't think it's your funny hair at all, Skye."
We ceased chatting until we reached the end of the long walkway that led to my school. The sun beat down upon the both of us, and now I had already longed for winter, my favorite season. But for now, I just wanted summer vacation.and a drink. So I decided to break out the cherry pop.
".It's warm," I sighed.
Just then, the Pichu I cradled under my arm acted up again, bashing his head against the bottom of the soda! This sent warm, sticky pop all over my right shoulder, my ponytail, and the strap to my backpack.
"(Sigh)."
"Heh heh," Dan laughed,"Already getting to you?"
"In a way," I sighed,"It's like having a real Pichu, yet it's not because it's a programmed robot. And it makes you think whether the Board of Education is watching through some secret, secluded camera and controlling this thing's every movement or not."
"Wow," Dan responded, staring blankly into the eyes of his squirming Pichu,"If what you were saying was true, that would be scary."
"In a way, it's kind of a topper."
".Hey, I wonder where Tyler and Kevin are screwing around at.?" Dan asked out,"I think I have to meet them later."
Suddenly, something within the deepest wells of my mind sparked up, and my memory rebooted itself.
"They wanted to contact us at the Poke Mart after school, under the sign."
Dan was already talking to himself,"Oh, so that's where those two.WHAT?"
"I just.heard em' on the way to Health class."
"Skye, I never heard Tyler say that!" Dan gasped.
"What are you getting all 'I just saw a legendary pokemon in the face' on me for?" I asked, pushing myself away from Dan,"I just happened to."
Once we were coming in near proximity of the Poke Mart, our eyes scanned the horizon of the area for our friends.and like I foresaw, they were taking turns filming each other drop-kicking a newspaper dispenser under the glowing Poke Mart sign.
".Guess."
"Wow," Dan was stunned,"Good guess."
We cautiously crossed the street that was filled with ambitious drivers and bulky, hissing school buses, where we met up with the two mischief-makers.
".AaaaaaAAAAAHHH!!!" Kevin was already getting a running start from the back of the near-by Poke Mart. Tyler kept the lens pointed at Kevin as he leapt up into the air.
WHACK!
"Oooo!!" Tyler laughed,"That didn't feel too good."
"OOW!" Kevin rolled around on the ground, cross-eyed and holding his knee, which had made contact with the telephone pole instead,"OOOOOHH!!!"
"Hey, Tyler," I asked, but the boy didn't turn around,"HEEEY, TYLER!"
"Hey, it's our man Skye Grendhert!" Tyler spun around after saying my name and stuck the camera right in my nose. Then, he persistently began to shove me with his other arm,"Hey, Skye! Heeey!! HEEEEEEYYY!! How ya DOIN?"
"Stop it! Stop it!" I urged, finally getting him to stop,"Quit it already. Sheesh."
"What are you two up to?" Dan asked,"Can I drop kick the stand too?"
"Yeah!" Tyler ignored the whining from his friend in the background,"Yeah, man. We were just making ultra-funny clips for our newest music video. Wanna do it with us?"
"It'll be.awesome." Kevin got to his feet, limping,".Oh."
"I guess," I answered,"If you need the Grendhert guitar skills!"
"At least I left my bass over your house, Tyler!" Dan smirked,"Poor Kevin!"
Without warning, Tyler suddenly switched the camera on and kicked Kevin in the back of his supporting knee, knocking him over. He got everything on film.
"OW!" Kevin gasped,"Damn it! What was that for, dumb ass!?"
"That was for Crisis 350!" Tyler laughed, keeping the camera on his face.
"That was cruel," I sighed,"But.kinda funny." "We need you guys for this!" Tyler begged. "Sure," I answered,"We're a band, right?" "Yeah!" Dan added,"Crisis 350!" "Come over with us!" Tyler urged,"We gotta write some lyrics for our next pokemon training album!" "Sure, but not sure," I answered, holding Dan back,"I think we have some stuff to do before we can see each other later. But we'll catch up. I'll bring my equipment." "Alright!" Tyler answered. "But for now, I think I gotta get something from Sabu here." Dan gave me the pound before he answered,"I'm gonna stick out here. You go, OK?" I pushed through the doors of the mart, greeting Sabu while I looked around for a snack. Truthfully, I was a real musician and wanted to play for my band Crisis 350 (For 350 species of pokemon.) But I so continued to desire leaving this boring town! I was growing more and more impatient just brooding on the idea of pokemon training freedom! I was planning a no- holds barred adventure! But everything that my life revolved around was all in Elmwood; my school system, my friends, Crisis 350 and the once-a-week Shaolin Kung fu lessons with Master Mushu. Even my family! "Are you OK over there?" Sabu asked me across the store with his usual concerned, friendly manner,".Hey, Skye?" ".Ah!" I broke out of my stream of thought. "You can't leave the icebox open for that long!" Sabu complained,"You'll melt the Ben N' Harry's!" "Sorry, Sabu," I brought over a couple of Ben N' Harry's ice cream pints for my friends,"I've been thinking.Sabu? What was leaving home like?" "When I was wanting to be a pokemon trainer." Sabu explained, ringing up my purchases,"Leaving my parents in Drail was a tough thing to do, Skye. Tough thing." He exhaled slowly, then took in a quick frantic breath and let his story blow right out of his mouth with little or no hiatus whatsoever! "That was because there were lots and lots of bombs coming down on us, and we has so little as a Camerupt, a jug of water and a little yellow plastic baggy with some peanut butter rice crap in it!" "Huh?" "And those planes kept coming, and those bombs kept going boom, and we're all screaming, 'ALLAH!' while trying to fasten our turbans together.then we got to the airport, and my papa says,'Sabu, you're gonna make a living as a pokemon trainer,' and I say,'NOOO! We gonna DIE!' and then my papa says,'No Sabu, you're gonna live and become our one and only pokemon master!' and then I say,'Make the bombs stop!' and then daddy says,'You Sabu are gonna retire and help other trainers!' and then the plane got hit.!" ".Really?" I asked, ignoring a loud grunt from my three friends outside, following some cussing. ".And then the plane go down go boom!" Sabu ran back and forth behind the counter, pulling on his hair,"And then, parents were injured and my mama says,'Learn to carry on by yourself, and forge a way into the world,' and I Sabu go,'No, Daddy! You and momma gonna live!' and papa goes,'Take this gift, it's from me, now go!' and then I go running through the woods, and the Viet Cong shooting at me thinking I no Communist, and I scream,'ALLAH!' and they go,'Die, DIE!' and I go,'ALLAH!' and then I kneel on rug and Allah save me and I find hospital.and.and.!" ".Sabu," I corrected,"How the heck did you somehow travel back more than 70 years to the Vietnam War? It doesn't make sense." ".Oh," Sabu sighed,"I meant Arcadia and Zodion, the two countries east of Johto and Kanto that are at war-related issues.even up to now. Forgive me for trailing off; the experience to me still remains even though it happened so long ago!" "Oh yeah," I answered,"Things aren't looking so good between Arcadia and Zodion. Both of them have a no-fly zone, right? They also are prohibiting pokemon usage down there too." "That's right." Sabu answered,"Anyway, I escape Zodion troops, because present I got from my daddy is a special pokemon, and they don't like pokemon down there." "I think I know what it's like," I spoke, actually in a way referring to my own personal issues,"When you don't really know your family's history, or the events that separated them from you." A deep feeling of moroseness filled my heart as I sagged my head, fighting the tears and shelving my humor. "It distresses me every time I think about why your brother and father left you so, so long ago," Sabu explained from his heart,"At a young age the transition of your brother leaving you for the Pokemon League and your father for Pokemon Research must be so hard on you." "Yeah," I sighed,"I don't even know any of their names either.I was too young to remember. But it's quite odd that my brother is only three years apart from me and that I barely know him at all. And my father.a total mystery." POP! Without warning, my mechanical Pichu woke up and began to flail in my arms! Eventually, he had popped out and was dancing before the convenience store clerk. "PI-CHU! PI-CHU! PI-CHU!" "Ha ha ha," I laughed, getting out of my soppy mood,"It looks like he's already fed." "Silly creature!" Sabu had to push the thing away,"Get away.get away! Off my lottery tickets! My lottery tickets, you!" "He's a machine," I replied,"It's a project." "Oh," Sabu halted his attempt to grab the mouse machine. "Sorry," I collected the Pichu and got him under control,"I know it's something you don't need added to your exhausting working hours." "I don't mind working here," Sabu bagged up the ice cream,".Because I love to. The Poke Mart is my soul. It warms my heart to support pokemon trainers in any way." "Like racking up their calories?" "Yes, as long as they get enough exercise!" Sabu concluded,"As my father and mother desired me to live my life; to the fullest! Your total is 12.34, tax included. Keep them stored; it's quite hot out there." "And hazardous with those three around." Meanwhile, my other listening ear was picking up the faint chattering of Tyler and Kevin, who were egging Dan on. Eventually, I heard a loud, clanging noise, and a resounding,"OOOO!!" "That had to leave a mark!" "See you," I departed, but Sabu had one more thing to say. "Skye! Hey, Skye!" "Yeah?" "That Pichu.the electrical one. It is good practice for you, Skye. Remember that when a real pokemon is assigned to your care." ".Thanks!" I grinned, keeping that in mind. "Return here with proof that you taught it well," Sabu informed,"Keep it with you. Protect it like if it were the most precious thing to you. The world is a hard place for a rookie like you, and the path of a Pokemon Master is one of much hardships. But bring that Pichu back with a good morale, and I'll reward you well." ".Really?" WHUNK! "OW!" Dan cried. "Hey, Dan got nailed!" Tyler claimed. "Don't even repeat this to your young friend Daniel," Sabu warned,"He's not ready for this, trust me." "You, you.!" Dan cursed to Kevin from outside,"I'll snuff you!" "No you won't!" "Yeah! Right in your knee!" WHACK! "AAAAHHH!!" ".Keep it between us, ok?" "Sure Sabu," I grinned, feeling more motivated than ever,"Thanks." "Thank you Skye, come again!" Sabu's closing words repeated a couple times before I rejoined my friends outside. I found Tyler and Kevin standing over Dan, who was gripping his knees in pain. Then, I watched from a distance as Kevin provoked Dan verbally so much that Dan kicked Kevin in the side of his hurting knee, throwing him down upon the pavement with him.
Next stop: Mewtwo's Dungeon, a hobby store where bored teenagers and jobless burnouts can devote their newfound free time. This is where Dylan and the rest of my friends were most of the time. Plus, they scheduled a meeting a week ago, where we'd play some kind of new Pokemon battling epic.a dice-rolling, statistic based adventure. I was willing to try it out for once instead of watching from a distance, but Dan complained and wished to see Tyler. "C'mon, Skye!" Dan complained,"I'm tired of being dragged to this dork-a- rama." "Hey," I grinned,"Who said you had to come? I'm not your legal guardian, you know." "Well, that's a relief!" Dan answered as I reached for the handle to the tattered store,"Or else I'd be here forever!" "Plus, I can't just blow off my previous plans I made with Dylan! I agreed to come here a week ago!" The inside of the store was jam-packed with ever-devoted epic players, who were rolling dice, moving pewter figures, and playing cards. The walls were intricately lined with Pokemon training advertisements, boxed model sets and board games. A heavy air conditioning system hung lazily atop the ceiling, emitting a loud buzz from its fan, whirring with age. The atmosphere was muggy with talk and food, which was everywhere your eyes were positioned, among the valley of various tables, stools and bookshelves. Mewtwo's Dungeon: I don't know how to end it, but I'll say it's just plain fresh! The card shop's holder, a middle-aged man named Bobby wearing a tropical shirt with the front open, accompanied another rountid man wearing a green sweater named A.J who was always playing video games. The supervisor of the occasional card tournaments was another employee named Dave, who I think is quite bossy and a little too into his work. Anyway, all of us congregated ourselves to a table in the back, wedging ourselves through the various hobbyists forgetting to state how much of a pain in the preverbal it was getting around Mewtwo's Dungeon. "X'cuse me.sorry," I blabbered to any people I made the simplest physical contact with,"Oops, forgive me.comin through.oh, my bad." ".Ah." Dan gasped when he accidentally kicked the chair right out from under the rear of a sinewy little Puerto Rican kid nick-named Beans. Beans crashed to the floor while the single buttoned section of his overalls got caught in one of the chair's joints! "(Click.) WHAAA DA HELL!!" Beans squealed, while his friends cursed at us, but we paid them no attention. "Oops." I giggled passively,"Sorry, Beans." "Yeah.sorry," Dan couldn't hold back his laughter. "(Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU!!" Beans kicked and punched wildly, flipping the chair onto himself,"(click.) YOU WANNA FIGHT, ULTUNNO YALL!? (Click.) I BEAT YO ASS, CRACKA!" "Put a damper on it, Beans," I panicked,"What are you gonna do, Dan!? Stand there and let Beans cuss up a Def Jam Vendetta 2 promotional ad!? Move aside." Literally everyone temporarily got up from whatever game they were playing just to watch this accidental little fiasco. This also attracted the attention of Burrito, Bean's little pokemon Poochyena. Dan got down and uselessly yanked on Bean's overall strap, while I constantly warned Dan to unjam it from under the chair screw first. It took a couple minutes and a lot of toleration of Burrito's excessive barking and all of his group's swearing and cursing to free the stubborn overalls. "It's alright Beans.heh heh," I laughed. "(Click.) IT ALRIGHT FOR ME TO SNUFF YOU!! DAT ALRIGHT WIT ME!! DAT.!!" "Dan, pick the chair up." "Why!?" Dan fought off Burrito with one arm,"Beans is really cooking up my hard rice, if you know what I mean." "Damn it all!" I complained,"Didn't you consider that nothing's funner than being face to face with a little whining brat that could even start an argument with a Buckingham palace guard!?" "Well, you should think about our little Taco Bell mascot too; he's really showing some affection with those pointy little teeth." "Dan, shut up and free him for god's sake! I think I'm going DEAF here!"
But the thing was that Burrito took a quick nip out of Dan's butt, making him yowl more like a distraction than an unpleasant pain. Dan dropped the chair onto the ground so that one of the legs pinned down one of the excessively long ends of Bean's oversized do-rag so that when he tried to regain his footing, he was yanked to the ground again! "AAAAHH!!" Beans screamed out in a rage,"I KILL YOU!!" "Kill me!?" I shouted back,"Hey, hey, hey, who's the one wearing the bandanna!?" "(Click.) IT SA DO RAG!" "Fine Beans. A do-rag.c'mon now, cooperate with me here; this is just an every day accident that should've been easy to aplomb about 10 minutes ago.If my friend here were to.DAN!? Lift the chair up! You're killin' me here." Dan though was currently trying to free Burrito's powerful jaws off his pant leg,"Excuse me, Skye; this dog IS killing me." "(Sigh.) Dan, ignore the Poochyena and just throw the chair off of him! How specific do I have to get!?" Dan stubbornly ignored the dog and gave the upright chair a good shove, sending it crashing onto Beans again! I flailed my arms in the air as Dan stood the chair up again. Then, he hit it in the other direction so that it fell onto his dog instead. A clang and an excited yip resulted. "Dan, I said,'throw the chair off of him,' not,' throw the chair onto him or at his dog in retaliation'!" "Screw that," Dan carelessly nodded,"Poochyenas get on my nerves.especially Burrito!" "Just don't ask me to buy you any treats at the Poke Mart for awhile." Meanwhile, Burrito squirmed out from under the chair and attempted round two of trying to bite Dan's heels, but Beans grabbed the feisty dog by the scruff of the neck and scooped it under his armpit. "There," I panicked,".Looks like the Beans I know.YIKES!" ".I CUT YOU!" I gasped because the shrimp whipped a knife out of his pocket and held it to my rib cage (It was as high as he could reach!) But in a way I wasn't scared, because it was the fact that it was.not what you'd expect. A confident defiance re-emerged itself. "Beans! That's a butter knife." "Gimmie fitty cent." ".Please Beans." I grinned,"You really don't need to do this. I was just commenting you before.heh heh.looking good!" "(Click.) Yeah, look like Beans wit a chair to da face, punk!" Beans challenged with a high-pitched voice meant to be terrifying,"Now you gimmie fitty cent, B." ".Huh? Beans, it's FIFTY cents." "(Click.) Yeah you fitty cent b-yatch!" ".I'm only worth fifty cents?" I laughed,"Excuse me Beans; mom paid much more than that to bring me into existence.so next time, try judging people by their nature than their finances." "(Click.).I SAY GIMMIE FITTY CENT OR I CUT YOU, B-YATCH!" Burrito let out a supporting yip. "Go ahead and try it," I laughed,"Cuz' if I were you, I wouldn't rub the end of a dull kitchen utensil against a black belt Ninjitsu student of Master Mushu!" ".Skye!" "Dan, shut up and play along," I winked at him. Wow, what a fib.well, just the belt level. That was all made up at the last minute. ".Yeah!" Dan over-exaggerated, but played his part,"Mushu's gonna whoop your ASS, MAN!!"
Before Beans could strike back with a remark of his own, Burrito's nose pointed to Dave, who up to now was unobtrusive. He was trying to stop the fight and get the card and table-top games running again.
"Hey, break it up, break it up," Dave pushed through the crowd and stood between us,"Any more crap is pulled off by the both of you, you're out. Got it?"
".Ok," I answered.
"Throw Beans out," Dan laughed,"And his dirt-faced mutt!"
Beans lashed out again, but Dave gave him a firm elbow that threw the little kid into his chair again.
"GHAA, B-YATCH, WHAT S'OUR PROBLEM!? YA OWE ME FITTY CENT! YOU OWE ME FITTY CENT!!"
"You need fifty cents," Dave remarked as A.J and Bobby ran over, scooped the flailing Beans up and dragged him towards the entrance of Mewtwo's Dungeon,".For tuition for the national school of anger management!"
"I GONNA GIT YOU, B-YATCH!!" Beans flipped out the butter knife again,"AND WHEN I GIT YA I'M GONNA MAKE YOU GO GIMMIE FITTY CENT!! DIS KNIFE GONNA FIND YA AND CUT YOU, B'YATCH!! "
"Save me the anxiety and go spread toast with it instead," I smugly taunted with my back turned.
"I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU!!!" Bean's cries faded out as A.J held him while Bobby delivered the shoe to his skinny sitter. A.J fought Burrito off and pitched him right out with his trainer; soon his friends followed, plus a normal atmosphere.
"Dude whatever," Bobby followed with a common line,"Kill yourself."
With everything good and mollified, we had meandered from our main task; finding Dylan and the others.
"Skye, let's get out of here," Dan complained again,"I'm tired of witnessing the dis- functionality of people that sell their soul to this stuff."
".Dan, if you're gonna bounce, just do it," I answered back,"Oh, there he is."
It was a fierce game of Pokemon Trading Card Duels: Dylan drew his next card and looked his hand over very carefully.while studying is opponent's face for a chance to interpret what his next move would be.
"Just try to throw another one of those stupid things against my Charizard! It'll get cooked!" came his opponent's urging voice.
"Not if I use this.Energy Removal!" Dylan grinned, using his cards with a swift finesse,".Followed by a Gust of Wind (Dylan farts, he laughs.) that sends your Dragon Tales cohort back where he belongs.leaving only that poor, helpless Charmander that's in desperate need of Poke life insurance.which means I just use Raticate's Hyper Fang to deal 40+ which means already defeat you, score my last prize and win the overall game, but I'll just flip the coins to inflict extra damage just for fun!"
".HEEEEY!" Dylan's opponent cried out in annoyance,"That wasn't FAIR!"
".And didn't you forget? You were about six energy cards from actually attacking, too."
"WHAAAH!!" "Oh, in your FACE!" Dylan shouted,BOO-YAHH!!"
We arrived behind him just after he claimed his victory, trying desperately to get his attention.
"Hey, Dylan."
".BOOO-YAAAH!!" Dylan shouted at the little 6 year old boy that he just dueled,"I gotta admit you had me with that Alakazam's Damage Swap power, but man, I beat you SOOO BAD!!"
"Dylan."
He was still celebrating when the little boy gave him the finger and stomped away, sobbing. Dylan was never fazed.
"Dylan.DYLAN!!"
"AAH, DUDE!" Dylan greeted me,"You scared the crap out of me. What's going on, dude?"
"Nothin," I replied,"Let me guess; you won another Pokemon TCG with your,'Rabid Killer Squirrel,' deck, huh?"
"Heh heh, yeah."
"Rabid Killer Squirrel deck?" Dan asked,".Ok."
"What's keeping Jill and the others?" Dylan asked to himself,"You've seen em anywhere?"
"Other than school.no."
"I think they've decided to pursue something that has eluded everyone in here, called." Dan joked, though none of us heard him,"A life."
Meanwhile, a teenage boy walked up to Dave, who was cataloguing and sorting out name tags and cards.
"Hey man, do you know where the john is!? I gotta go."
"Hey man, do you know where your house is?" Dave joked back,"You gotta go there."
"But dude, there IS some sort of latrine in here, isn't there? I see people going into it all the time."
"Yeah, there is. But there is usually one person in there all the time."
"Who?"
"You get the point," he said dully,"If you saw people go INTO the bathroom, then you obviously know where it's located."
"But."
"So do it!" he shouted,"Go take a leak."
"So what are we gonna do today, if not Pokemon card battling?" I asked,"Borehammer? Magic the Orgying? Another round of Dungeons and Dirtbags?"
"Not today, dude!" Dylan pulled out a book of some kind and shows it to me, hyperactively shouting,"HERE IT IS, DUDE! THE BRAND SPANKIN' NEW POKEMON EPICS RULEBOOK!! KICK ASS DUDE!!"
"Um.cool," I sighed, embarrassed.
"I haven't seen much enthusiasm from him ever since he smothered Jeff's face with Citadel model primer and took a picture," Dan whispered to me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Dylan lifted up the book and cooed at it like a baby.
"Hey, do you buy cards?" a nosy group of kids asked Dave.
"You know the answer to that," Dave replied, not looking up from his work.
"We do?"
Dave walked over and held up a flyer for his store,"Mewtwo's Dungeon:.Trade, Sell.BUY! Of course we do. What are you offering?"
One of the kids held up some cards for Dave to see.
"These are commons," Dave answered blankly.
"Yeah, we know!" one of the boys replied.
".Why should I buy these." Dave reasoned,"When the Wizards of the Pond sends me boxes and boxes of them for cheaper?"
"Cuz."
Dave cut him off,"Well, not exactly free, my friends. But we sure get so much of em' that we're selling commons for a quarter each."
"We know that!"
".Yeah!"
"So I can just do myself a favor." Dave flipped through the commons box and drew out the exact ones that they were offering,"There. No need to buy em now. Now go, scram, disseminate, use em as fire kindling or give em to a wino something if you don't want em."
"So, what's so special about this Pokemon Epics?" I asked.
"Oh, the plot gets old and repeatative, so you already know that you're going on a pokemon journey and collecting Gym Badges," Dylan explained,"But it doesn't stop there. You get to customize everything from your trainer's eyes and hair and their pokemon teams to the kind of underwear they put on every morning. There are a lot of scenarios and worlds and tools and stuff.you get the drill. Enough to make you want to call this game your daddy."
".Or your stimulant," Dan ranked again.
"What's up, man?" another card-collecting boy approached Dave,"Wanna see my collection? I wanna sell it to ya."
Dave rolled his eyes and approached his new customer,".I guess. As long as they're holographic or rare, I'll buy em."
He handed his binder over and showed him the page that contained his rarest, most precious cards. Dave saw that they had no scratches, eroded corners, nor were they fake.a perfect purchase.
"Hmm." Dave punched in some buttons on his calculator,"I add the price of your holographic Ampharos, Blaziken, Vaporeon, Mighthyena and.and not to forget the promo Ho-oh.your collection is currently worth 253 Navian dollars and seven cents."
"WHOOOO-HOO!!" the boy leapt up and down,"Are you gonna buy it!? Huh!? Are ya, are YA!?"
".Looks good," Dave concluded,".I'll take it, but I'm not paying you in cash."
"Oh, now you're telling me you're gonna take it for free." the kid grumbled.
"We pay in store credit," Dave corrected, taking out a different calculator this time,".And if I put your collection's worth through this here.it currently reads that it is worth one dollar and 34 cents in pure, Mewtwo-s Dungeon store credit."
"But.but." the kid gasped,"The store says that you BUY cards! I mean, the cards I'm selling.they're rare as hell, dude! They're scratch- less.100 percent original.and all First edition! I don't get it!"
"Well," Dave ignored most of the kid's complaining,"We do buy cards, but our first instinct is naturally to haggle with the dealer to an extent that we can buy em' for as cheap as possible."
The boy remained frozen with a look of developing anger on his face.
"You gotta understand.it's human nature."
".What the heck could I buy with that cheap sum of cash, anyway!?" the boy complained,"Knights of the Bridge Table, Revenge of the Zombified Pokemon Professors, Fairy Eaters or one of these queer dust-collectors? A lifetime supply of Twizzlers that have been sitting on your rack since the eighties? And strangely, that doesn't even cover a THIRD of the cost for another Pokemon booster pack."
".Sorry, I had to do it," Dave said stupidly,"Aren't we a bunch of little weasely bastards?"
"It's that calculator, isn't it!? The zero button is probably broken!"
"Even if it was, it's none of your brown-nosing business."
".Screw this!" he complained, slamming his album shut and storming out the door,"I'd make a fortune selling em' to some creepy old bastard on Ebay! Later!!"
".Fine. See you ten years from now.when I die from a lack of exercise and decide to not put up with your crap anymore," Dave concluded, secretly trying to disfigure the zero button on his calculator more than it was before.
".Oh, there they are," I pointed out to Jill, Jesse, and Burger, who were just coming through the door.
"WHEEEEEHH!!" Dylan screamed at them, replying back with something similar. As we all congregated, Dylan took out his Pokemon Epics rulebook and showed it to all of his friends as well. Then, we all seated ourselves at a table in the back.
Jesse lifted up a little card on the table that read,'Reserved for Ou- Gi-Oh! Tournament, then flicked it aside,"Dude, total suckage. I can't stand those people."
"Thinking that they run all over all us non-Ou-Gi-Oh! people," Dylan added,"Now, someone get out the checklist."
"Checklist?" Dan asked,"What about the ecstasy?"
Jill yanked a roll of machine paper from her hoodie, and Dylan put a finger into the air,"Sun Flora Flora chips? (Check!) Cherry Popsi? (Check!) Pokemon character sheets? (Check!) Dice bag? (Definitely!) our homework.?"
".Huh?" all of us asked out.
"Save it for the last minute," Dylan joked,"Now, let's play!"
"Dude, wait." Jesse was digging through his pack,"Damn, much suckage. We forgot the chips and soda, but I doubt we'll need em."
"WHAA.?" Dylan became aggravated.
"Well, we're pretty sidetracked to begin with."
".We can be as sidetracked as much as you guys want to be!" Dylan went into a hissy fit,"Without anything to get fat and flatulent over, what the hell is a Pokemon Epics party then!? A Kosher Nascar event!?"
"Um." Jesse and Jill began to drip sweat. "Oh my god," Dan panicked,"We've degraded ourselves to the point that we're having a controversy over corn chips. CORN CHIPS! Truly sad." ".I'm sure the rest of us want to get fat and flatulent playing Pokemon Epics! And you know ho much we have to clog our arteries with junk food in order to fulfill such a Mewtwo's Dungeon tradition! Now, you hopeless idiots get us some chips and soda so we can get fat and flatulent!!" "Hey, we'll do it!" Jill ran off with Jeff,".Whiner!" "C'mon Burger!" Jeff shouted,"Stop eating that kid's grinder!" "HEEEEEEYY!!"
"Hey Dave, can I sell you any cards?" another boy asked.
"Yeah, sure," Dave walked over annoyed,"What cha offering?"
"Here ya go," he flashed a shiny card from his card binder,"Holographic Promo Mew! First edition, mint condition!"
Dave took the card and looked over it thoroughly with a magnifying glass. Then, he put it against a lamp to see if it was fake or not, then flipped it over and made a flinching motion. Immediately, Dave turned the card to it's owner.
"You said, mint condition, right?" Dave asked.dully.
"Yeah!" the kid answered.
"Hmm." Dave scratched his head,"I see what you mean by mint.which in a way doesn't explain why there are greenish-chocolate stains all over the back of it."
The kid was astonished by Dave's sudden change in reaction to the card. He immediately handed it back to him.
".As you see, Mint condition is defined as." Dave flipped out a dictionary,".'being in it's original, unused condition.' Not,'smothered by hanbds that had just been used to fork Andes down your gullet with lukewarm fingertips."
"Oh.really?" the kid whined hopelessly,"Oh, man, that's what mint condition really means."
"And being a card collector, it should be like slippers to Professor Oak," Dave turned away to his work once more.
The threesome returned, but not with any form of snack or sweetened, carbonated drink. Boy, that sure got Dylan a little more than concerned when he saw the three of them sitting there with their hands outstretched like as to accept an offering.
"Dude, where's the stuff!? I told you to bring chips and soda, not ask for blessings!"
"Dude, some little kid with a knife took our quarters." Jesse gasped.
"Shut up, Jesse!!" Jill elbowed him and told an entirely different story,".We mean, this jacked dude you'd see on Cops.those guys that take your money and pokemon and."
"Oh, really."
".He was all small and stuff.huh huh," Burger chuckled.
"Thanks, tubby," Jill cursed.
".You're lying?" Dylan saw through it,"Yeah sure, future reporters of the National Enquirer."
"So.W-w-w-w-what do we d-d-dooo!?" Jesse cried.
"Dude, just beat the tar out him and take his money!" Dylan answered, turning away.
"Huh, huh, OK," Burger laughed as the threesome departed again, and all was quiet but all of the hobbyist's chatter. It was only minutes later that through a barrage of disconcerting barking we overheard punching noises, a squeal, and the clatter of change against the sidewalk.
Meanwhile, all of us were bickering where to sit and how to prepare the playing area.
"Now, I get to sit over here."
"Skye, that's my seat!"
"Dudes! The DM sits at the end of the table!"
"Why so!?"
"Because I'm the one actually putting this game together!"
"Can I sit here in this then!?"
"No dude."
"But there's one more than enough chairs for us.Why can't I just take one of these."
"All three of em are for Burger's fat ass."
"Argh!"
I looked over my shoulder when I we were interrupted by someone knocking on the end of the table we were planning as our game area. I happened to be Dave.
"What do you want, Dave?" Dylan asked, pulling his rulebooks away from him.
"Did you smart people read the little card I had worked on so hard this morning? You know, the one that said,'Reserved for the Ou-Gi-Oh Tournament,' that was resting all cushy here on the table?"
"Um.yeah?" Dylan answered timidly,"We did before it got drafted."
The both of us let out a weak giggle.
".So." Dave shrugged,"Where is it and who are YOU people!? Huh?"
"Dude, we're your friends?"
"Are you guys participating in a tournament? Are you guys Ou-Gi-Oh players?"
"I don't know," Dylan answered,".Until you bring us some tight leather, Egyptian jewelry."
"Hair gel!" Dan screamed out randomly,"Hair GEL!"
"Yeah.hair gel!" Dylan answered,"Yeah, we could play the part."
"Play the part?" David asked,"Cut the crap and move."
"Quiet, you," Dylan imitated a certain Oh-Gi-Oh character, with the arms crossed and the stern, corny voice to boot,"I'm running a company."
I laughed. Dan put his finger to his head as if he were to shoot himself.
"So you wanna play Broadway with me, don't ya? Wanna play a good part?" Dave asked, picking up Dylan by the back of his shirt collar, seeming vexed,"How about you play the part in this musical of the annoyingly, useless customer who is seconds from receiving a royal kick to his hamburger's home for refusing to shovel off his excess skin flakes from the Reserved seating."
"WHEEEEH!!" Dylan squealed, attracting an extremely entertained group of spectators. I stepped up to Dave and pleaded.
"C'mon, it was an accident. We'll move and it'll be over."
"Better," Dave dropped Dylan right into the chair behind me, walking back to the counter where he was, as he mentioned,"Working so hard," like he was before. The goofy laughing from everyone else revealed that this has happened before.many, many, many times.
"Wow," I said out of nowhere,"The happiness that blooms from a grungy card store."
"What bliss," Dan replied to me sarcastically. "What the hell," Dylan cursed,"Why do they get all the clean tables and chairs? All the free 2 liters and chips and Ju-Ju beads.at the snap of your royal freakin' highness' pudgy fingers? Stupid Oh-Gi-Oh players." "C'mon, let's stop messing around and start playing Pokemon Epics," I interrupted,"Can't people just get to the point?" "I wanna go home," Dan blared out blandly. "Shut up, you little weasel!" WHACK! "Ow." I seized the chair from the Oh-Gi-Oh tables and brought it over to the adjacent one, since availability of one was pretty scant. For a while Dylan pried each of the books from his backpack that were required to play. As Dylan worked diligently on the set up, Dan curiously drew closer to Dylan and persistently threw rude questions at him. "Hey, Dylan!" Dan joked,"Why is it that you have to use more books than that of a Roman library wardrobe? Don't they get pretty heavy?" "Naw, you think?" Dylan answered,"That's cuz you need the Pokemon Epics Player's Handbook.the Pokemon Epics Pokemon Manual.and Pokemon Epics Tool book.you definitely need the Pokemon Epics Date Book." Dan stared blankly back at Dylan. "Yeah, I thought these games were more hassling versions of Mouse Trap. Have ya ever played Mouse Trap?" Dylan ignored him for a while, sorting out our character sheets and trying as hard as possible not to keep his attention tied to Dan. ".One time my brother yanked on one of the components, and it snapped, and one of the plastic mouse pieces hit me in the crotch." Dylan dropped the Date Book to slowly turn a stare over his shoulder. His jaw was hanging open with awe and annoyance. ".It really hurt."
"Hey! Move it, un-cool Mewtwo's Dungeon rule violators." "What!?" Dylan complained,"But we're sitting at this table." "Let me warn you that when people don't obey the rules, I get really, really mad." "Ok," We all answered simultaneously. ".And I think you don't want to see me get really mad." "Well, I think I do." "Dan, shut up!" I hissed. "Look," Dylan got up and waved his hands at our table,"I devoted a long time to trying to make our Pokemon Epics game happen here at this table. Do you see any stupid reserved cards?" "No." "Then stop harassing us, dude!" "I don't see any reserved cards." Dave posed like Shakespeare gripping a human skull,".Nor do I see how the people of this fair, ghetto card store can sit down to play Oh-Gi-Oh if their chairs have been drawn away." "OHHH." I trailed off. ".To be.or not to BEEE???" David plucked Dylan off the ground again,"Ejected from Mewtwo's Dungeon with extreme prejudice?" "AAAAAHHHH!!" Dylan squealed. "What a weirdo," Dan said blankly. "Fine, damn it," I answered,"Dylan, stop tussling with Dave and help me move ALL the chairs back to where we had em." "Alright," Dave dropped Dylan, but this time, he fell onto his butt and hit his head against the table (We ignored his squeal.) "I knew none of you wanted to see me in my angry state." "And none of us definitely wanted to hear your poetry, either," I smiled back. Once Dave was gone, we got back to our original location and set up there. Instead of moving the chairs from their spot, I decided to turn them around so that we could use the table BEHIND the reserved section. "But dude, he technically said NOT to move the chairs!" Dylan objected. "Aww, come on," I urged,"You're not just gonna let some pudgy, undergraduate table shark run all over us, are ya? Well, all I have to say is that I'm losing my patience, too." "I'm losing my sanity, that's what I'm losing!" Dan cried,"WHAAAAH!!" "I am gonna turn the chairs around once the Ou-Gi-Oh people get here, aren't I?" "One point for goody-two combat shoes. Whoop whoo," Dan tediously moaned. "Hey, Dylan!!" "WHAAAT~!!" Dylan dropped all of his things, turning to face his next verbal oppressor,"Damn it all Dav.oh, hey Jeff." "We're back!" Jeff and our other friends answered. "Huh, huh.back," Burger sat down on one of the chairs, accidentally watching him collapse as the chair gave in to his weight. "Stupid Burger," Jill taunted. Dylan, who hadn't seen the bag of the snacks that Jeff had brought back, jumped to conclusions,"Look dude. If you gonna whine about getting mugged by one more little kid." Jesse frowned, having held the bag of snacks before Dylan minutes before he actually caught sight of them. "Oh.let me see." Dylan sifted his hand through the treats,".Ok.ok.yeah, thanks guys. It's good." "Dude, yeah," Jeff took a seat with his other friends. ".Yeah, good in terms of a Spanish Class end-of-the-year snack party," Dylan threw the food back at Jeff,"What the hell, dude! Why are you being so freakin' stingy!?" "C'mon, dude!" Jeff whined,"I have to save money for the yearbook!" "Screw the yearbook! When you're in Dylan's inner circle, who cares about staring at cheerleaders!? Dude, when you play Pokemon Epics 24-7 like the rest of us do, what do you think is the only thing you have to devote to us, huh? Your butt sweat? C'mon, dude, your money is ours too! Isn't it?" ".Dylan." Jeff trembled,".I like looking at cheerleaders!" "Me too!" Dan declared. "I'm sure you do!" Dylan shoved him off of his chair,"Get over it, you prep! That yearbook will be the biggest waste of 100 Navian dollars you ever spent! Who told you to buy that anyway? Your lonely, mate-less brother at college? Now, get some more damn chips!" "100 dollars to stare up cheerleader's skirts?" Dan whispered to me,"Sheesh, if you compare that to Dylan's 500+ payload on Pokemon Epic games, I definitely wouldn't be calling that a waste." "True dat." "You think I'm just talking to HIM!?" Dylan scolded Jill and Burger as well. "Hey, hey, HEY!" Jill shrieked,"We don't have to escort Jeff around like he's Tony Soprano or something."
With a loud and pestering screech of a lack of lubrication, the door to Mewtwo's Dungeon threw itself open to the way of customers. Dave normally wouldn't pay attention to the traffic going in and out of Mewtwo's Dungeon, but something about the manner of the visitor's entrance told Dave that these were no usual customers.
As he expected, the two elderly women approached the counter, the both of them wearing faded tan overcoats over their pudgy bodies.
"Hello, young man," the first woman greeted brusquely, gaining no attention whatsoever. Dave resumed watching TV, knowing those two were there, even on important notice! ".Excuse me, young man." she persisted, raising her voice,"EXCUSE ME!" "AAAH!" Dave shrieked,"Ida B. Wells cryogenically revived!!" "Could we have a word with you, young man!?" "Yeah," the second woman blared out as Dave stood behind the counter before them, artificially paying attention by staring right down at them with a bland facial expression. ".Do you believe in the comin' of the Lord Ho-oh?" ".Um." Dave scratched his head. Without allowing him to answer, the second woman drew out a brochure and approached,"Well, if you've read the Ecruteak Bible and all of the lessons it has taught us throughout our existence as human beings." ".And how we all benefit under the gracious mercy of the Lord and his providence," the other woman asked,"Young man, do you read the Bible?" Dave didn't catch the question. ".Do you read the Bible?" she repeated a bit harsher. "Yeah.the Software Bible." "Well, it's about time that you should," she replied disappointingly,"Because by subscribing to The Tower, which we are offering you today, you will receive 12 issues." "13," the other woman corrected. ".13 issues of the Tower; each issue brimming with life." "And the gracious mercy." ".Of the Lord."
It would be beneficial to a man like him, but a dilemma arose in the back of his mind.
"Nope, never heard of him!" Dave turned away from the old ladies.
"Hang on, you," the woman tugged on his back pocket,"I know you."
"No you don't. You never will."
"Tell me your name."
"My name is Neo."
"TELL ME!" she grabbed ahold of Dave's vulnerable earlobe and pulled him in.
".Alright, it's Dave! Are you happy already!?"
Releasing him, she questioned further,"Haven't I given you our trial magazine to fill out? Where is our trial magazine?" Dave stood with his hands behind his back, uttering a nervous, toothy grin,"what trial?"
"We gave you a trial magazine. Where is it?"
"How'd you get this address?"
"Where is it!?"
"You know.uh." Dave came up with excuses,".I was filling it out at home, you see.and I came across where I had to put my social security number."
The ladies looked him over sternly, detecting his lack of honesty.
".And then, I received a urgent call from the U.S.S Enterprise."
Finally removing her hands from behind her back, the woman flashed the magazine that she had forcefully given to him earlier that week.faded and torn. Dave winced.
"We found this in your fireplace this Monday," she answered grimly.
".Dude, how'd you get in my house!?" Dave backed up.
"Some respect for us!" the old woman growled,"We offered you our gracious mercy, and you threw it away like yesterday's news!"
".You guys are stalkers," Dave convicted with an erect index finger,"And I thought that it was the Lord's gargantuan.whatever."
"GRACIOUS mercy," Dave was corrected.
"How dare you defy us, you fat tub of Twinkie cream!" the other woman ridiculed,"You and your materialistic Poke-MAN cards and views.!"
"HOLD IT," Dave argued back as if to make a point,"Before you go on and on about my body mass, why don't you go back to your doorstep-marketing monastery and pray or something."
"What are you saying!? Why you flatulent."
"Leave me alone!"
"I don't think so!" she grabbed his wrist and squeezed hard.
"Dude, you're everywhere," Dave fought the grip,"And your rings are digging into my skin and influencing unneeded pain."
"I'm glad!" she stuck a finger at him,"Listen up, you naughty boy; why don't you not spend so much time lingering away here and accept our gracious."
"The Lord's."
".The Lord's gracious mercy!"
"Why YOUR gracious mercy?" Dave argued,"The only mercy and blessings I get from you persistent trick-or-preachers are UN-style inspections for everything even with dismal amounts of un-holiness so that you can go targeting me for that."
"We don't do that.!" the old woman grew furious,"You're the devil! You hear me!? BEEZLEBUB! The DEVIL-!!"
"Brooke Burns.!" Dave ignored them, peering over his shoulders at the TV,".I'm missing Dog Eat Dog, dammit."
Dylan wasn't in the greatest mood, even with his friend's departure. At that we made all of our preparations as quick as possible, trying to shrug off the fact that Dave would return at any minute to complain about our seating. That was because my mind was on the adventuring, battling and some of my favorite pokemon that I have often used during the course of the game. .And how I'd fare as a pokemon trainer actually carrying it all out in real life! "Skye.Skye!" Dan ran into me from behind by accident whine trying to maneuver through the tight isle of chairs. Burger followed close behind him, pinning him between me and him and preventing much of his mobility. "What?" I asked annoyingly. "Bend over." "WHAT!?" "Bend over, damn it!" I looked around at all of the card players in the store,"Why!?" "I dropped a lady finger around here somewhere," Dan scratched his head. "Aww, damn," I subsided to his orders, leaning down and peering through an intricate jungle of customer and chair legs. Meanwhile, Dan was slightly bent over me trying to look for the item he lost. By accident his stomach lurched into my tailbone.
"Dan!" I cursed,"Back up!"
"Uh." Dan complained,"Can't comply because of Burger's girth!"
"Aw, Shuckles.Dan, what random intention did you have drawing out a firecracker in a public place anyway!? Huh?"
"I traded my School I.D to some kid for it, Skye! I didn't want it to fall out; believe me!"
Dan edged over and bumped into the back of an indulged card player's chair so that he turned around to see who disturbed him. When Dan waved back childishly, the boy then noticed the peculiar position the two of us were forced to be in. He issued a snicker to us, which drew more eyes to our little fiasco.
"Dude, what the hell," Dylan hissed,"Is this retard rush hour or something?" "For that!? Oh brother, Dan; you could get 4 of those for a buck."
"What the heck do you need a school I.D for anyway? Everyone knows who Danny Ultunno is!"
".Because everyone knows you've approximately cut more Math classes than you've attended them!"
"Sure! Now, did you find it yet? Dylan's being a real strain here."
"Dude, I am NOT!"
I bent over again (.) shortly before we had discovered just what Dan had lost: the cheap, red-striped explosive lie just under the chair.just out of my grip.
"Gotcha!"
"Good. Now stop trying to find my firecracker and find my firecracker already!"
"Oh, shut up!" I laughed,"Why don't you try bending over your best friend and reaching a couple feet forwards? I'm sure you'd have a good time attempting to!"
"Uh." Dylan shrugged with distain from the back.
"Now, c'mon. Get it Skye!"
"I am! Just a bit.closer."
"Got it?"
"No. Move forwards so I can reach it."
".Ok. Got it?"
"NO!"
"You slacker!"
"Bite me!"
I thrust forwards with my fingers outstretched, desperately reaching for the bomb so that we could finally continue on with what we were doing. UP where Dan was, my sudden action made him topple onto my back, making everyone in the vicinity who was watching us start roaring with laughter. I felt his weight just as my head crashed into the back of a chair leg so that all of us hit the floor on our faces!
"Dude, what's going on!?" Jill spotted us,"Ick."
"Aww.Dan?" I asked.
"Yeah?" Dan dizzily replied.
"New rule.don't ever, ever, EVER bring any more small articles into a crowded zone. For our sake.got it?"
"Yeah."
".I mean, the bomb."
"Damn."
"Listen you.!!" the old woman warned with a hand still firmly wrenched around Dave's,"I've filed a restraining order.!"
"Restraining? Geez, you couldn't even restrain a cooking spoon from your bratty kids."
"Are you gonna buy our magazines or not!?" the second old woman blared out.
"Shut your mouth, girl!" she snapped,"I've already got my hands on this wretch right now!"
"Soon, someone's gonna have their hands on YOU," Dave snapped his fingers with a free hand. In mere seconds, A.J and Bobby jumped the snotty old ladies, throwing them to the ground and freeing Dave from their grip! They easily got them under control, dragging them out kicking and screaming. Dave followed behind, just out of reach of their flailing feet.
"C'mon, you," A.J urged.
"We'll get you to confess for this, you infidel!"
"It's not like I don't believe in God or anything," Dave joked,"It's just that I don't believe the whole bit about using armed force to make people subscribe to corny packets in order to believe in God."
"You lyin! You's lyin and you know it!"
"YEAH!"
"I know what you're planning!" Dave shouted,"You're gonna spread your influence to poor people like us with your stupid magazines so that we'll all go on with our lives being obsessed with making money off stupid magazines! And then when more of us start annoying the crap out of people by selling stupid magazines, it's gonna make even more people want to sell stupid magazines, and then it'll swallow Navia, and then the world, and then the Algol Star System."
"LIAR!"
"And you're gonna start stalking secluded card stores where people believe anything that's said to them! That's it! You guys are a bunch of Communists!"
"No we're NOT! Card stores do the same thing, fool!"
"Who's the materialists now, huh!?"
"Stop it!"
"Who's your DADD-EH!?"
"I oughta spank you!"
"Go on believing what you believe," Dave causally responded, standing by the now open door,"You guys go believe in being ordered by your priest or whatever into yanking people out of bed while I go believe in selling overpriced trading cards so that I can actually support my solo family and make my life work."
".I hope that your children and the ones that come here will not desire to grow up throwing little Poke-MAN monsters at each other!"
"People like YOU!"
"I'm sure that they won't," Dave closed the interaction with sarcasm,"Bye now."
With a quick shove, A.J and Bobby bounced the two women out the door, sending them toppling onto the sidewalk. Before they could barge back in, the two of them locked the door so that their entry was barred. The next passing minute dragged by before they left for good.
"I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!" a dopey little kid cheered to Dan randomly.
"Do you like living by yourself in an apartment lined with card- promotion posters?" Dan asked back,"Living off a diet based
".I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!"
"Oh-kay."
"Dan, what are you doing." I asked as I detected a familiar presence after recovering from our little fiasco.
The fun didn't stop there. Once again, my ears picked up Dylan's familiar squeal as we turned back to the inevitable: Dave again had Dylan by the back of his hoodie. But he wasn't just allowing his legs to dangle mere inches from the ground: he was gradually dragging him towards the back!
"WHEEEEH!!"
"With all this stolen seating commotion, where have you all been raised up til' now!?" Dave demanded,"An overcrowded ball park?"
"Look." I got angry,"For the last time."
"For the last time that you've made me excuse myself from today's episode of Navian Idol!" Dave was furiously but cleverly mocking us,".You had me missing out on some wicked visual cleavage, so you're all gonna PAY."
"Pay!?" Jill whined,"Navia is a country of free speech! We as the customer, deserve the right of way!"
"We're not socialists!" Jeff shouted.
"Yeah!" Dylan added.
"Well, you political dropouts, you've gone over the border in Mewtwo's Dungeon; in here, Ou-Gi-Oh players enlisting in tournaments deserve the right of way."
Meanwhile, a nervous little boy waiting just near the cash register was receiving some comforting words from his father.
"Duh-duh-duh-daddy.I'm.I'm nervous."
"It'll be ok, Jimmy," the father replied,"Just politely ask the cashier if you can sell your Pokemon cards, then leave me to the negotiating. There's not much to it!"
"Really?"
"Don't fret, Jimmy; the people here are smart and respectful for their customers." In the background,"Get in the basement! NOW!"
"No, dude! NO!!"
"Get down there!!"
"But dude, you're violating the 14th amendment!!"
"But.Dad."
"It's a card store, son. Whoever works here likes people who come in and sell them good Pokemon Cards.and then they pay you and they keep the cards, so that they can sell them to other people and continue to make themselves thrive. it's business, my boy."
".They like me?"
"After all, son, they like people like you! Now, go ask them about your cards."
With an encouraging shove, the boy timidly approached Dave with his card binder. However, before he could utter a peep, Dave turned over the other shoulder and screamed abruptly,"SHUT UP!!"
Talking over the fleeing, crying little boy, I hopelessly attempted peace by singing,"Why can't we be friends.why can't we be friends."
"Why can't I be friends.with my TV for just one freakin' minute!?" Dave mumbled,".Oh man, I'm writhing in agony each second that my eyes are severed from me watching Spawn kill things on my Nintendo Gamecube in the most awesome-est way possible.and I really am on the verge of death!"
"And so are WE!" Jill complained. "Why can't we be friends.?.Um.uh." "Skye, admit it!" Dan poked my ribs viciously,"You don't know te rest of that kinky song! Don't cha!? DON'T CHA!?" "Yeah, I don't." "Then stop singing it! The utterly stupid events occurring just now and a half hour ago is just enough!" Dave whipped the door open with one hand, while urging us down the stairs with the other. "How about this!?" Jeff begged,"Can we leave or something?" "Dude, no way am I leaving!!" Dylan cried snobishly,"I've sat through all of this crap and you think I'm just gonna LEAVE!!?" "You can leave," Dave smiled aggressively,".Through this door! Bye now!" Dave managed to shove Burger into all of us so that we tumbled down the stairs screaming and grunting rebelliously.except Dan, who forced his head through the ajar door ad bit down on Dave's thumb just as he was closing it. "Ah, son of a.!!" Dave shouted, slamming the door against his head until he finally gave in for good.