TABLOID
RASPUTIN, STILL ALIVE?!
London England - Claire Gossamer
It could very well be true, faithful readers, Rasputin is reputed to still be alive! An eye witness account, one Ms. Tilly Mooke, has enlightened us that Gegorie Rasputin was seen vacationing on the corpulent beaches of Elvis Island. Ms. Tilly says she saw the dark eyed Russian wonder sunning himself near the water's edge on a deserted portion of the island.
"I thought to brought him some cheese, seeings how I make it meself, and he dumped me tray to the ground. Gourmet, all of it. The bastard. I know's got to be 'im", was Ms. Mooke's reasoning. And certainly that would be in character, no?
Apparently, he has gained a rather substantial tan over the years, no doubt from such fun in the sun. With his muggle 'shades' (darkened spectacles used to keep light from the eyes) it was difficult to tell from the photo whether the man really was Rasputin or perhaps someone else, someone more local like say… Severus Snape perhaps. Yes, we all doubted Professor Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would be caught dead on a sunny beach with a Hawaiian T-shirt as well. Although, is it any more far fetched than Rasputin himself? We urge any readers with evidence to come forward to help straighten out this shocking discovery.