Author's Notes: Originally, this was a Kurama/Botan fic. But as I got on with it, I got so deep into Shuuichi's mind that I decided it wasn't natural, and I went along with what he would do... I still twisted Fate around to my liking, but I tossed away the old plot and came with another one! So... ^^;; hehehe... it'll be random.
Just plain italics is something written. The flowers @~})~ are a scene change and/or a time lapse. The rose whips @};~`~,~`~,~`~~ and ~~`~,~`~,~`~;{@ mar the beginning of the fic, the beginning of the numbered notes (such as [1] and [2]) and the end of the fic. The flashbacks are both surrounded by flowers and in italics... if the italics work. If they don't, be smart, flashbacks are in past tense.
And yes, this thing is overrun with notes. Want my suggestion? Create a new text file (.txt) and scroll down to the notes. Copy (Ctrl C on PC; apple C on Mac) all the notes, then paste (Ctrl V on PC; apple V on Mac) them onto the text file. Minimize it. When you get to a note in the fic, all you have to do is bring up the textpad; you people with the stubborn computers won't lose your place. (By stubborn computer, I mean the type where, if you hold down the clicky mouse and drag the scrollbar down, then swerve the mouse to the middle of the screen, it'll go to the middle of the document instead of going where it was previously before you clicked on the scrollbar.)
If you scroll down a bit, you might find the length of this overwhelming, but hey, this is only about the size of three regular-length chapters of mine...
Warnings: Insanity, murder, hallucinations, EXTREMELY BLOODY, slight OOCness, profanity, genocide, umm... all that? yeah, that's why it's R.
Dedicated to: Roxy-the-Wolf-Demon, whose aunt recently passed away. Sincerest sympathy to her. Although, I'd admit this isn't the best present for a Hiei fan. ^^;;
@};~,~`~,~`~,~`~~The Peony ~~`~,~`~,~`~,~;{@
My name is Shuuichi Minamino. I was born in Meiou, Japan on April 25, 1986, and came to America in 1992.[1]
I've always had a gift with plants, they said. At first, I didn't know what they meant. It's true I love plants and wildlife, but I never knew how intense that was. Until I discovered the 'gift' they always talked about. And my love for a flower blossomed. Literally.
I believe it might've been because she was the first flower I ever took complete responsibility of. I remembered the little seed in the palm of my hand, which I planted in the soil, without too much care. To me, back then, it was just another flower.
Time proved me wrong.
Her little blue petals opened with stunning color. I'd remember it vividly any day, a beautiful flower. They say it's a symbol of love and romance. I always wonder whether the dictionaries purposely follow my soap-opera life.
I was pretty startled when I saw how I could feel how she was feeling. Okay, that's euphuism... I was shocked, looking around in bewilderment, before realizing that the little flower under my care was the one to speak. She opened up more than her petals, she opened up her emotions and life... and I did the same.
I soon realized that I couldn't go on just calling her 'The Peony.' A boyfriend does not address her girlfriend by her species.
I mean, have you ever heard a girl saying: "Yeah, that's my boyfriend, The Human."[2]
After careful consideration, I named her Botan-- the word back home for peony. She was my first, and only, romantic interest.
Before a certain man in a white suit uprooted her.
AND THE SAME GUY SENT ME TO THIS HELLHOLE!! THAT DA
"That's enough, Shuuichi," the lady in the white suit snaps, snatching the paper from me. She scowls. Evidently, my 'introduction' wasn't what she wanted. "The doctor will be with you shortly," she strains through gritted teeth. She mutters something about Japanese weirdoes, then slams the door in my face. Great. Just what I need. Riiiight....
So now I'm left here, staring at the white door.
Damn.
Just damn.
So now my lover's at the bottom of a trash can, I'm trapped in a white room, and there are people more insane than I outside? Great....
The door slowly clicks open. I turn my head to see a blue-haired lady enter the room, wearing the typical white with a clipboard in hand. "Hallo!" she greets with a valley girl accent. "My name is Botan, and I'll be your psychiatrist!"
Huh? Botan?
My Botan? My pretty-peony-girl?
"Botan-maru..." I whisper, standing up, my pants rustling against the seat. In my mind, I see the beautiful flower that I loved.
"What?" she asks, looking up from the clipboard. She freezes, noticing how close I am, and stiffens, drawing in a harsh breath as I trace her cheekbone.
"You're... just like I thought you would be..." I give a slight grin. "So you survived the evil man and managed to survive... didn't you? To see me, perhaps?"
"N-n-now S-Shuuichi, I'm not sure you know this... but... I'm not really...."
"Dead?" I chuckle, drawing her closer. "Or do you mean, ready for step three? Don't worry, I don't want to do that yet, either..." Botan-maru seems to tighten up even more. Maybe she doesn't remember me? Well... I'm sure she'll recognize this. I lean in slowly, eyes half-lidded, lips touching... mmm, yes, this is my Botan... taste and all.... She's back. Just like how I thought she would be.
Unfortunately, I'm pushed away roughly, and a scream pierces the air. I brace myself against the wind of the closing door, and drown in disappointment as I hear a trembling 'click' on the door... locking it.
What the heck possessed her to do that? "Botan?" I squeak in a timid voice. "Don't tell me you've forgotten me already...."
There's another scream from the other side of the white door.
...Is that a yes?
So... does it mean no one loves me anymore? After all, mom doesn't exactly approve of my affair with Botan... I don't think she accepts me anymore....
@~})~
Head resting on arms, arms laid on knees, knees connected to legs, legs connected to feet, feet placed on a chair on which I'm supposed to sit on, the chair belongs to the psychiatrist who runs this hellhole, the psychiatrist is the evil man who threw away Bo-
This isn't helping me take my mind off her.
Umm... the air is a solution of various elements, of which include oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, argon, and neon... Umm... salt is NaCl... Sugar and salt go together... pure sugar is bad for your health, but fructose is good... fructose comes from fruits... fruits are seed pods formed from flowers... one flower is a peo-
Grr.
I sigh, lightly knocking the back of my head against the wall. Whee. The lights are fluorescent, fluorescent light is emitted from the energy emitted from the electrons' movement, the electrons are part of an atom, atoms make up everything in the universe including-
I knock my head against the wall again. This is not helping. At all.
Great, I can connect a comfortable position, air, and fluorescent lights to a peony. Maybe I am insane like they say.
I slam my head against the wall. Ow. Admittedly, that does hurt. Um... who cares? Yes, I thought that. No, I'm not suicidal. Go away men in white (MIW?)... wait, I'm already here. Blink. Whee, an asylum.
I have a feeling I'm going to be here for a loooooong time.
@-})~
A knock at the door. Knocking can be heard do to the vibrations in the air, which vibrate the hair cells in the ear, which trigger a reaction in the brain, that tells me to... oh wait, I should probably answer.
"Come in," I say. Yay. So I answered. And then a MIW is going to come in. Hopefully, a WIW (woman in white) will come in instead... like Botan?
Nope, it's definitely a MIW. And my mom comes in after him. Why does she care?
"Shuuichi," Mom whispers, strained. Am I really that hard to bear with? "I can't believe you would attack an innocent lady like that...."
"Who?" I ask, my voice with all sanity intact. Yes, I'm sane. Face it. Everything else is all in their heads.
"Your psychiatrist... Botan...." The sudden revelation hits her, and she releases a shout of frustration, poking the MIW. Er... yay? "WHY DID YOU GO AND ASSIGN HIM SOMEONE THAT CONSTANTLY REMINDS HIM OF HIS PROBLEM?! YOU KNOW THAT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH A PEONY NAMED BOTAN!!!!"
Well, as far as assaults go, Shiori's got it covered. Oh great. Now she's glaring at me. Hey, don't look at me like that! I'm just a poor li'l' insane person! ...Hmm, I just contradicted myself....
"What's wrong?" I asked timidly. Yep, the cute appeal always works. Somewhat.
She sighs. "Nothing, Shuuichi-kun... just try to get along with the people in white, okay?"
Wow. White. So we're not all colorblind.
"I'll try." There. No promises. I'll just try.
Mom grins. "Good... thank you Shuuichi." She leaves through The White Door. Damn, that annoying MIW is still there.
He sighs, making the traditional mushroom cloud come out.[3] "So... anyhow... Shuuichi..." DAMN HE'S SLOW "I've heard about... your condition... as you might want to call it." Condition? What, new, good, fair, poor, like those textbook thingies? AND TALK FASTER, MIW!!! MY MIND CAN HANDLE IT!
Hmm... wait, he can't hear me inside my head.
"Would you mind talking a bit faster, sir?" I request. He blinks. He looks at the clipboard. Right now, I really want to bash him over the head with it.
Scribble, scribble... he takes notes. And then... POOF! "You are going to be sent to a mental hospital."
...
...
...
...Okay, I admit it, that was unexpected.
"Now Shuuichi, I know that might've came as a great shock..."
Shocked? Me? Nope, I can see why, anyhow. It's because the whole world's horribly insane, and I'm the only voice of reason. And then they all decide I'm the insane one because I'm not insane... wait, what am I saying again?
In short... "Not really."
He blinks some more. Geez, how dry do his eyes get anyhow? Oh wait, he wants to know why. "Well... I kinda expected it, from the way you were acting."
"Ahh..." he murmurs. He scribbles something down on the clipboard.
"Follow me, Shuuichi."
I follow. On my way out, I glace at the clipboard. The last comment? 'Secretive.'
I wonder what he means by that.
@~})~
There's a word I can use for all mental facilities.
WHITE!
I think it goes something like this: this is a bleach-overrun world with whitewash galore, and I'm a little colorful dot next to a red dot of a rose.
Wrongfully out of place.
Like I am in all places...? Nah... there has to be some place where everyone's supposed to be... but I know for sure that this isn't it.
The door's shut. Evil door. I need to get out of here. I don't belong here. Everything's so out-of-place to me... it's just too... clean, as a matter of fact. Spotlessly white. Defying all laws of philosophy. I mean, no one can remain innocent forever. Is this some sort of test where they see how dirtily we think and if we can fill the room with blood?
Well... hey, this room ISN'T spotless! There's a dot of red there, in the corner... it... no... it can't... it can't be... it's... blood. The room is reddening. From nothing more than a splotch comes a pool of red. It crawls along the whitewash, making it a deep ruby. It flows up the walls to the ceiling. It drips onto my hair. I scream. This can't be! It... it's just horrifying! "MAKE IT WHITE AGAIN!!! MAKE IT WHITE!!! I'M SORRY FOR WANTING COLOR!!! MAKE IT WHITE!!!!"[4] The walls are soaked with blood. The room is a giant lake... and I'm drowning. I thrash, but I can't seem to swim. I end up curling up on the floor, drowning in life liquid.
"Shuuichi? Shuuichi!! Focus!" a voice yells from beyond the red stream. I hear a 'WHOOSH!' and my vision is clear. I take a few hesitant breaths. "Shuuichi, what's wrong?!"
"Blood," I gasp, before fainting into that ever-so-cliché darkness.
@~})~
I've woken. Isn't it obvious? Otherwise, I wouldn't be thinking. Blinking, I sit up. A heart monitor is attached for some reason or another. Probably due to that little blood lake thing... but if that is so, wouldn't I also have a ventilator attached?
What is wrong with me?!
I think the MIW know. Well, here one comes right now.
"Wha' happ'ned?!" Darn. Now I sound like a drunkard. Though I must admit, I do feel rather muddled inside my head.
"Mm... you had a little... hallucination, I believe," he replies, checking all the fancy equipment on the heart monitor. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Is it supposed to go that fast? And why is there blood on my hands?! Did I kill someone?! I pant for air, closing my eyes, wishing all the red would go away. The blood's in my mouth, I can taste it... I can feel the stickiness against my skin... staining....
~"It's... it's a monster! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!"~
W-w-what?! What's happening?
~"ROSE WHIP!!!"~[5]
What are these voices in my head?! Where did the blood on my hands come from?!
~"Heh... he always did have a way with plants...."~
....
I'm scared. This... it's familiar... but... I can't remember it all...
~"...who are you?! What do you mean?!"~
Is that me? That voice... is it mine? But... mine isn't so... cold....
~"Your intelligence of the Reikai is too high now that I have unleashed your memories... I suppose I'll have to lock them away... until another time."~
~"But who are you?! Tell me now! Youko Kurama fears no one! Your threats do not appeal to me!"~
Youko Kurama? Who's he? It can't be me... I-I-I'm just an innocent teenager, not some infamous crook....
~"The Forbidden Child of the Koorime. And you are a threat to my power."~
What power?! I'm not a threat to anyone, either! Wh-wh-what does he mean...?
~"No... you can't do this...." A scream.~
I don't understand....
~"What happened?! Who are you?! Why are my hands soaked with blood?!"~
Hmm... those thoughts aren't far from mine right now. ...Blood on my hands... blood on my tongue... clueless.
But I remember now. I... I was walking down an alley. I was ambushed by a gang. I was pressed to a wall... then... darkness... what happened next? I... I can't remember. ~"Your intelligence of the Reikai is too high now that I have unleashed your memories... I suppose I'll have to lock them away... until another time."~ Yes, that must've been what happened... someone locked them away... and when I was conscious... there was blood everywhere.
What's the Reikai? What memories? Who was the man who did this? Did he use some sort of supernatural powers to frame me for murder? Wait... was I ever sentenced? I... remember... going back to my mother... crying... then... we went to a huge building... hmm... I can't say I remember much.
Is there anything to remember in the first place?
Bleepbleepbleepbleepbleep. I'm sure that's faster than it first was. "Shuuichi?! Are you alright?!" the MIW asks, panicked. I'm faintly aware that my eyes start to droop.
"B-blood..."[6] I whisper.
@~})~
"Mommy, what's wrong?! Why're we going to that big building?"
"Because of the scary thing that happened to you. Don't you remember it?"
"No... just... red stuff..."
"Well... just wait until they tell you to speak, then tell them everything you remember, okay?"
"Okay."
@~})
That's right... my mother was with me when I told everyone what I saw... she'd know! "Mr. Psych... I need to see Shiori... now..." I gasp, panicked. The room's filling with blood again. This isn't possible... my eyes jerk around the room... what's different between this room and the other? ...The rose!
~"ROSE WHIP!!!!"~
Now I remember... every time I've been around a rose, I saw blood, whether it was a small cut, or... this.
"Get the rose out!" I pant, hugging myself. The psychiatrist looks puzzled, but takes it out of the room anyhow. The blood settles down, draining to the small amount on my hands. The taint... of death?
"Shuuichi!" Shiori calls. "What's wrong?!"
"D-do you remember what happened the day I went to court after I came into the house with blood everywhere?"
Mother looks shocked for a moment before settling down. "Yes... there was a charge against a black-caped man... but you said you didn't remember a thing other than the blood...."
I look at the ceiling. Blood drips down onto my hair and slides down. "...Mother, there's blood on the ceiling... get it off, please...."
She looks puzzled. "But there isn't any."
"There is," I persist, "there's blood on the ceiling, and my hands, and in my mouth... it's... everywhere now...." My vision turns red as it drips from my hair to my eyes. "Get it off... please... get it away!!"
"There's no blood... it's all in your mind...."
"THAT'S IT!!! I'M LEAVING!!" I toss the covers onto the MIW's head and disconnect the heart monitor. I hear a loud, shrill sound, but I don't care. I just need to get out, everything's so confusing. Tearing down the hall, I bump into some shocked MIW and WIW, who, I think, went to investigate the heart monitor. I don't care anymore.
Someone grabs me by the hand, but I expertly wedge my hand out, dodging a few other attempts to restrain me by the PIW (People In White). I bolt through the door, expertly flipping onto the overhanging sign above the door, hiding in the space while the PIW shout in disarray, unable to locate me. After waiting for hours, I can't hear them anymore, and I jump down.
"THERE HE IS!!!" someone shouts, pointing a finger at me. Three MIW surround me from every side and two grab my arms.
"LET GO!!! JUST LET ME GO!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!!!"
"'Course you don't, but you gotta," one MIW growls, attempting to drag me back to the hellhole.
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!"
"~Leave me alone... or I'll be forced to force you to!~"[7]
@~})~
"Leave me alone or you'll be forced to!" Kurama growled, talking out a single rose. His attackers laughed.
"A rose?! Pfft, yeah right!" they hooted, unsheathing their knives.
@~})~
"Kid, I have no time for empty threats."
"~They're not empty... this is your last chance!!~"
@~})~
"This is your last chance!" Kurama warned. The attackers laughed again, but then gasped as a long, green, pointy whip emerged from the rose. Kurama's hair billowed out with a silver color; fox ears sprouted, a tail emerged.
"It's... it's a monster! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!" the leader of the attackers gasped, stepping back.
@~})~
"Whatever, kid."
"~ROSE WHIPLASH!!!!!!!!~"
@~})~
The attackers fell one by one, bathed in blood, as a trembling Shuuichi fell and sobbed.[8]
@~})~
"Hn. Nice work, Kurama. So you're finally in complete control of your power."
I nod, staring down at the dead carcasses down below us on the street. The Forbidden Child of the Koorime stands beside me, cape billowing in the wind, a satisfactory smirk on his lips. "But don't mistake it. I only did so to regain freedom." He 'hn's and turns away.
"You owe me for reviving those memories."
"Yes, I know. Maybe I should pay you now."
One more cry of "ROSE WHIPLASH!!!" rings in the air as the Jaganshi falls to his death.[9]
@~})~
A shriveled petal lies in the palm of my hand. All that's left of Botan is... this.
The wind blows, sending my blood-colored hair in different directions, the breeze tossing it around carelessly. The wasteland here is desolate, except for the critters that feast here. Ones who might've feasted on my Botan.
The quarter moon reflects on discarded metal, casting a bluish glow. I stare at the moon and let what's left of my precious peony flutter to the ground. I hear a scuttling of small feet, but my gaze does not leave the moon.
For hours I stay spellbound, staring off into space, reflecting, remembering the times when I was innocent... and before.
Before I was born... my incarnation life... Youko, the gingitsune... me. Kuronue, Yomi... I remember it all now. I was the cause of their death.[10] I flick out a single rose. I'll be the cause of many more....
@~})~[11]
"Youko... I... I thought we were partners," Yomi choked, blood pouring from his eyes. I smirked and stepped beside him.
"You were getting too... reckless for my style," I slurred, raising a rose. "And since that assassin did such a poor job with killing you... I've decided to finish you off myself."
"Why Kurama?!" he whispered, resting his head against the blood-soaked soil.
"Because I don't need you anymore. ROSE WHIPLASH!!!"
A scream. A laugh.
@~})~
Blood pours along the ground just as quickly as it did when I killed Yomi. So I haven't been losing my touch... how fascinating. I kick the random body away from my path, grinning insanely as it lets out one last pained whimper. I retract my whip, carefully licking off all the blood from it. Not that it mattered... the police were already hot on my trail. In fact, that's what the body was... a policeman. But he couldn't do anything in the end.
Truly pathetic, ne?
I place the rose back into my hair and revert to gingitsune[12] form, quickly climbing up to the roof of the building. I watch in amusement as the police squad catches up and gasps in horror as the find the body. One looks up and sees me on the building, my five tails waving behind me.
"It's him... Herufaia."
@~})~
"Kuronue!! You idiot, we're just about to get a clean getaway!"
"Youko, you know what that pendant means to me," Kuronue snapped back, turning back to retrieve the shiny red object.
"Fine... just be careful-" this was said too soon as sharp bamboo spears shot out, piercing Kuronue's body, forcing him to stay. "KURONUE!" I rushed back, trying to pry him off. In the distance, the guards were fast approaching.
"Leave me here, Youko, just leave me," he muttered, lax fist dropping the pendant. His eyes were dulled, his breathing became harsh. "I'm stuck, I'll die for sure, I know it... save yourself... you have great potential, Youko... accomplish our dreams for me...."
My lips tightened, ears twitching at the sounds of the guards approaching. I traced Kuronue's face one last time before taking his pendant and dashing away, leaving him....
@~})~
Kuronue was possibly the only person I ever cared for truly in my heart. He asked for me to accomplish our dream for his spirit... that was his last wish. Our dream... to have ultimate control over all the lands... to rule as King of the Spirit World, then Makai... the Ningenkai would be no trouble at all.
I lick more blood from my rose. We're one step closer.
It's the full moon. Approximately a week from the beginning of my abandoning of the past. Since then, my hair has turned silver, and my ears are slowly morphing onto the top of my head. Fuzz sprouted from my behind and turned into a tail. My green eyes turned to a brilliant gold. I am now truly Youko. Youko, the thief, the traitor... the future ruler of the world.
It's ironic they tag-named me Herufaia. In Japanese, it means hellfire... a description of what I will do to them. Or... am doing to them. Truly, I torture them until they all slowly burn, with the power and mercilessness of the fire of hell... until their flesh hangs burned from cracking bones; until they're nothing but piles of ash, and I rule the world.
Herufaia. Fitting. Watch out world, here comes the fires of hell....
@~})~
I killed them. And I loved it. I loved their blood flowing over my hands, I loved the fading in their eyes, I loved the sadistic sheen glow that the moon above gave my silver hair as the wind carried on the scent of blood... and most of all, I loved it because it was wrong.
Wrong to them, that is. But then what about Kuronue's death? Was that any less civil than this? They're all simply biased, aren't they? Is this pathetic life beneath my feet worth any more than Kuronue's? Actually... I'd consider it less. What do they know about the world and its hardships? Have the rich, like the one soaked in blood, ever thought about the so-called lowly? Or do they judge by a glance and never care to reconsider? And this bias... cost me so, and this hardship was unnoticed by them.
They'll pay. They'll pay for the things that happened before... and they'll pay now. In blood. The blood that flows beneath my feet right now.... Is this hurting you Koenma? Or is this nothing but paperwork?
"KURAMA!!" I swivel around to see who has used my name with such disrespect. A blue-haired girl runs up to me. No, it's not Botan the WIW. It's someone else. "How DARE you kill my brother... BEFORE I EVEN MET HIM!"
I smirk, pulling out the infamous rose. "Now, would you really want to fight me about it?"
"...Yes."
@~})~[13]
The girl slumps on the ground, eyes half-lidded, hair tossed randomly, splayed in blue blood. There are sirens again, but they instantly fade as they catch sight of my hair and tail. I smirk, narrowing my eyes, tucking the still-bloodstained rose back into my tresses. "This is what happens to those who oppose me," I hiss, narrowing my eyes and kicking the ice maiden into a pile.
"SHUUICHI!"
I turn and narrow my eyes at the one who dares to address me by my inferior ningen alias. A black-haired ningen runs up, fury and disbelief in her eyes. "S-S-Shuuichi... h-h-how...? WHY?!"
"I am no longer 'Shuuichi,'" I reply coldly, tossing my silver hair over my shoulder.
"Then who... no, what... are you?!"
"Youko, greatest thief and the future ruler of the world," I respond, flicking out a rose. She freezes, stepping back slightly. "But since you helped reincarnate me... I shall spare you... for now. But do NOT cross my path again." I turn to the Ice Maiden. "As for you...."
"Brother, brother... I-I-I'm coming," she faintly murmurs. I strike her body once more, and then she's silent.
@~})~
It's amusing how those fools THINK their plan is secret, when it's all in plain view. They're just too idiotic to look up above them, peering through a window. I see Koenma yelling frantically at all his ogres, pointing here and there. His pacifier falls out of his mouth, and I see a blue-haired girl give it back to him. It's human-Botan.
But, by watching them, I think she's better off being called baka-ditzy-ferry-girl. Evidently, she, too, has learned her past.
(I mean, do you REALLY call this thing soundproof?)
Koenma-baka continues to ramble on and on about some so-called 'top-secret' plan to capture me. I couldn't laugh more. But then, I catch something....
"Yes, you'll find none of you will really be doing the work other than helping me with paperwork," he lectures while all his servants facefault. "Kuronue'll be helping me out here. All you guys have to do is locate his soul and help harness it."
HARNESS?!!! HARNESS?!?!?!?! Kuronue is meant to be free- just like every Youkai. He won't put up with being harnessed. Never.
I have but one choice... to burn the document... I'll just hope I won't be too late... or have I been so corrupted I can't do so much as hope anymore? For all I know, all my hope may be gone... shrouded in darkness, driven into insanity....
What tells me I'm going to be too late?
@~})~
K... K... K... u... u... u... u... r... r... strange, my file's here.
Youko Kurama, Demon Class: E+ as of 12/2/1895[14] AD. Kitsune Youkai; has obtained both gingitsune form and kitsune form. Location currently unknown. Previously a leader of infamous bandits.
They need an update. Pft, E+? That was when I was wounded by the hunter, for Inari's sake! If that's what they think I am, no wonder they're failing to catch me. But there's no time to dwell on that... grr... o... o... o... n... Kuronue! I sigh in relief and extract the file, flipping it open and gazing at the face I've remembered for such a long time. It... it wouldn't hurt, would it? I abide to my temptation and carefully remove the photo before lashing it with thorns until they are nothing but shreds, far beyond legibility.
I sigh slightly in relief. But then the document begins to piece itself together. I take a step back in shock. There's a chilling, innocent laughter in the air, and I look up above to see the ice maiden.
She smirks. "You gave me the chance to get back with my loved one, how 'bout I let you get back with yours...? Of course, it's not all of him, but isn't it good enough... for pain? For betrayal? And all the things that come with it?"
The piece of paper's together again, and now, bold print hauntingly stares up at me. Makai; Hell. I swear it's larger than before. Frantically, I grab the document, looking back from the ice maiden to the door. Voices come from beyond it. Where to go, where to run, where to hide? The blue-haired apparition continues to laugh, innocence and vengeance combined, forming a bitter prayer. I glare at her and take a last resort. I eat it.
Smirking broadly at her shocked face, I open the window, finally happy that I avenged Kuronue. The Koorime girl stares in shock, and a blue oni comes in on time to see me fly into the horizon on Fuyouka Shokubutsu.[15]
But I hear the ghost whisper, "Don't worry, I know where he is...."
A twinge of hatred runs through me. The world won't be mine unless I fight for it... but I don't want to fight the one who wanted me to do this... I didn't want many of these things to happen. But they did. Sometime, my world will come tumbling down....
The question is, how long will I be able to keep it standing?
And to think all this begun with a single peony... which makes me wonder... is it really a symbol of love and romance, or a horror story untold?
@~})~
The pendant swishes before me. A steady pendulum. A never-ending question of love, betrayal, anger, hate... trust.
Like intricate scars, crossing the boundaries of mortal wound,
Much more than simply blemish or tire,
Squeezing sorrow that wraps around tears,
Yet anger fueled by emotion.[16]
Now is one of the few times I wish I didn't have a keepsake of my lover. But what could I've done? I'm drawn to shiny, beloved objects. The pendant was a symbol of him, and when I touch it I feel warmth. Just like when I touched his face, his lips... met his eyes....
Light's warmth had heated my soul;
Ice barriers rendered to love.
I never thought the mortal emotion would strike me,
For the best at first, then for the worse.
But I know... he's not going to be the same when I meet him again.... He'll be manipulated. And... I don't want to... but I know... I just simply know... I might have to kill him by my own hand this time... survival of the fittest? It's either him or me, considering what Koenma'll do....
Worse than the clash of the wind
And the raging of the sea beneath,
You're gone... beyond me.
Still, I know you feel the same ocean breeze.
Koenma. The royalties have always been the end of him. I'd love to be in a little paradise-like place in my mind... paradise... but it's lost to me here.
I stand on this moonlit bay,
Waves splashing at my feet.
Same type of melachony repetition;
History repeats itself.
It was the end of Kuronue then, it'll be the end of him now... Koenma. The one obstacle to everything I ever desired. The little brat who sits on his behind all day, trying to 'purify' the world. And because of him, Kuronue can't even rest in Hell anymore....
Because by the time Koenma's done, Life is heaven, Hell is reality, and the present is torture....
When is it not, truthfully?
But you're free.
Released from the chains that bound you...
I assume you know what you did?
Freed yourself within... but only the darkness.
Will he leave me to suffer and die like how I did to him before? Will I beg for him to do so? Or will I simply make him nonexistent and give him the pleasure of eternal nothingness? ...Or should I do that to myself?
@~})~
I'm peering in the window again. Kuronue's ghost is there, just like Koenma commanded it to be. He's wearing a scowl, looking as ruthless as he was before. Yukina is laughing in vengeful joy. They succeeded... didn't they?
Then the pendant must hold the side I loved.
Inari hates me.
Then I suppose... I'll just have to kill him. Or... will I?
I smash open the window, startling all within. "Kuronue."
Kuronue smirks, gripping his throwing spears cockily.
"I don't wish to fight you. But you do remember what you asked of me years ago, don't you?" Doesn't he? Or have I just done all this in vain? Will my one reason for life simply fade away? Or... will it just become stronger as he joins me again?
He takes advantage of my question to pin me against the wall, smirking. I don't protest as he makes a wide cut across the jugular vein. After all, I'm doing this for him. If he doesn't want me to do it... I'd really rather rest in hell. After all, this is now his dream, isn't it? For me to die... now my life is done and over with, my reason for living is done.
"Great job Kuronue!" the little toddler pipes in the background.
"Oh, you really don't think I'm on your side now, do you? I'm just wiping out my competition so I can rule the world myself."
I can't help but give one last smirk. History didn't repeat itself this time. Yes, this is my Kuronue, unmanipulated....
In all his sadistic glory.
@~})~
"You come back here, you rascal!" a hunter growled.
I leapt forward with all my energy, but a rei-gun is fired, and I'm sent sprawling toward the Ningenkai
I supposed that the only thing I could do is merge with an unborn baby. And thus, my memories were locked away by the strangest of things... insanity, unborn desire... power.
"...the devil hath power
T' assume a pleasing shape"[17]
Maybe that's why I chose Shuuichi as my new vessel, even if it meant risking my memories. Because he was too much like me. Destined to rule. Destined to gain control. And I was the devil himself, offering him a promise of power.
A promise that was given to another.
@~})~
And now I stare down at Kuronue as a ghost. He takes the pendant from my neck, receiving its glow. His eyes flash, and suddenly soften as he looks down at me. The child of the Ruler of the Spirit World and his oh-so-faithful ferry girl lie side by side, dead. Kuronue looks up where I am. Yukina stares back with me.
"Youko? ...I'm sorry," he whispers, clutching the pendant.
"No, don't be," I whisper back, hovering next to him. "This time... you continue our dream for me."
He lowers his head, taking my favorite rose from my hair. He nods silently, while I float on down to hell.
History repeats itself... and Kuronue will bring about a new era... for me.
Like how I did for him.
@~})~[18]
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
I could've broken every law in the realm,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
Dreams of time and hopes
That build to a land of desire
Of an escape that will never last.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Hell can punish me all it wants,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
A picture of ideal dreams.
The reality strikes, and the frame is shattered
And the shards of darkness lie on the floor.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Stigma can rain down on me,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The picture builds to a small sanctuary
And the shards melt to an ocean--
An ocean of demons and lost hope.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Heaven can close its gates,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
A fantasy land made of sunlight and flowers.
A li'l' shadow is cast away,
And this shadow... is me.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
The door of purity can slam in my face,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
An island untouchable by I.
An ocean of shadows lap its surface,
(But they always fall back in the end.)
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
The sun can deny me its light,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
Darkness is the raging waves.
A li'l' teardrop finds its way on the island,
And is banished by the sunlight again.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
They can yell and scream in disgust,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The ocean bites at their feet.
A constant reminder of reality
Off the gliding dreams of the sand.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Everyone can scream and run away,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The ocean erodes the sand;
Drifting below the pressure of nightmares
'Till it's the base of its assassin.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
They can stare as I lick the blood,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The island wears away.
As the angels and flowers inch toward the center,
They find a sob among them.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
They can say I'm filthy and dirty in mind,
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
A dark cloud lurks across the sun.
A dark era befalls the land;
Their first night of reality.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
They can make me slowly burn
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The rain pours down.
Nightmares and darkness befall them.
The screams fill the midnight air.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Demonic eyes lit by firelight watch
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The island crumbles into nothing but dust.
The last dreams are cast away until
All there's left is the roaring ocean.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
The fire burns my soul
But my perspective remains the same.
Innocence is nothing but opinion;
The thrashing reality again strikes down
Another dream of prosperity and love
Until the nightmare drowns them.
I won't repent for my sins.
In my eyes I did nothing wrong.
Ashes of my own fall below me
But my perspective remains the same.
"This creature bites,"
The last hiss rises into the air
Until it disappears
With the fire's eternal flame.
@};~,~`~,~`~,~`~~Chapter Notes~~`~,~`~,~`~.~;{@
[1]Two things. One, I'm not sure if that's his real birthday- I've heard that it's either April or June. Also, I know, Yu Yu Hakusho ended years ago. *wince* Another thing... from here down, it's rather informal... remember, he's insane. *shrugs* Sort of.
[2] My friend did that once. She had ice cream thrown at her head afterwards.
[3] You know, that white thing that comes out of people's mouths when they sigh in anime? I think I've seen this mostly in Pokemon.
[4] From here, it's going to dive straight into horror and angst... then it's going to flip and go to romance. *blinks* Or so my original plan went. ^^;; My new plan? HORROR 'TIL THE END!! AND IT KEEPS GETTING DARKER AND DARKER!!!! MWHAHAHAHAH!!! BACK OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!!
[5] Two things. One, the things in ~ and italics are voices in his head that are not conscious thoughts. Two, this isn't as AU as everyone thought it was. ^^
[6] *wails* I NEED TO KNOW WHAT BLOOD IS IN DEMON LANGUAGE!!! Oh, and pretend the next scene is in Japanese ^^;; I couldn't translate all that stuff myself....
[7] *sweatdrops* "~blahblah~" is a person subconsciously voicing an inner subconscious thought. Am I confusing you? *sweatdrops* To put it shortly, Shuuichi didn't really want to say that, he just said it. Or shall I say now, Kurama?
[8] Yes, it's kinda hard to understand the flipping back and forth... just explain why you're confused in a review, and I'll explain the whole thing to ya.
[9] Blame it on the plot holes. I had no idea how to repay Hiei later, and if I did, it'd screw it up... besides, I had trouble transiting.
[10] Yeah, I know, Kuronue was impaled by bamboo spears in a trap and Yomi was only blinded... but remember, for Kuronue, he managed to convinced Youko to save himself, and for Yomi... it's AU! It'll be explained later. ^^ Very very soon later....
[11] Yeah, I know... too many notes X_X But anyhow... there was heavy symbolism with what he did in that scene. The shriveled petal was a sign that his past was in such disorder and shrunken by insanity, and letting it drop means that he's letting go of it and moving on. ^^;; And the scuttling of feet was a mouse carrying it off... I wanted to tell people that in the fic itself, but he was staring at the moon. But anyhow, that means someone else is bearing his past, but much less painfully... in this case, person-Botan and Shiori. (Though, it's true they're still pained by it.)
[12] "Gingitsune"= silver fox. You know, that cute cuddly-looking spirit fox form? ^^
[13] *sighs* I would've LOVED t' pull a graphic one on you peeps... but I don't know how Yukina fights. -_- Oh, and if you read a little more, I'd like to add that at this time, crooks might want to dress up as Youko and pull a few big ones ^^
[14] I don't know Youko's demon class at the time when he was wounded by the hunter, but I know it was low, since he was wounded and only had enough energy to escape to the Ningenkai. Oh, and later, you WILL see how he forgot and it was made AU ^^
[15] "Floating Plant." They're a pair of razor-sharp wings that Youko uses in an YYH video game. I call them "Razor Wings," but that's just me.
[16] These little things are part of MY POEM. DO NOT STEAL OR I WILL SIC THE MARY-SUES ON YOU WHILE ON A SUGAR HIGH!!!
[17] Hamlet—2.2.628-29
[18] MY POEM. YOU NO STEAL! THIS IS _MY POEM_ THAT I SPECIFICLY WROTE FOR THIS FIC. I call it "Final Flame of Darkness." ^_^ Hehe... but still... YOU NO STEAL!
@};~,~`~,~`~,~`~~Owari~~`~,~`~,~`~,~;@
Endnotes: *twitches* and to think, this was originally THREE separate fics, one where Kura-chan falls in love with a flower and gets in a romance with Botan, the other a Youko/Kuronue fic where Youko avenges him, the final one being Kurama's romantic decision between Yukina and Hiei, and somehow... they... combined. And here, I bring you a very screwed-up fic. The ending really, to me, made very screwed sense. *eye twitch* Feel free to criticize, as long as you have a point. Review?