Disclaimer- I still don't own anything you recognize... oh yeah, and the songs "I Think I Love You" and "Rainy Days and Mondays" belong to David Cassidy and the Carpenters. Just thought I'd ad that even though I only used an itty bitty snippet of each song...
The four friends walked into Herbology class where most of the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors were already getting out their equipment, dragon scale gloves, a pair of clippers, and a taser (hehehe...). Sirius rushed to James who was picking out a plant, and whispered his 'plan' to set Lily up with him. James reaction was far from what Sirius and the others expected though. He stopped dead in his tracks looking scandalized as if somebody (besides Lily) had slapped him.
"You guys have got to be kidding me!" James Potter said staring at his friends in a skeptical way.
"See, we should just wait till he deals with his own problem..."
"Oh shut up Moony!"
"Boys!" Professor sprout shouted in a harsh whisper. "The Mandelliers will attack if they are provoked by loud noises. Please keep your voices down." She chided. "Now what was I saying...? Oh yes, it would be best if you could stay away from it's thorns as Madame Promfrey is out of ointment..." She continued the lesson.
Grumbling, Sirius retrieved him and Peter's dragon scale gloves from the supply cabinet and took his assigned seat at the table he shared with peter, behind James's. James sat his Mandellier down on his desk seemingly ignoring Sirius's pokes and other acts of getting his attention.
"Stop bothering him, you're distracting me!" Erin Meddows, the Hufflepuff sharing James's desk, reprimanded Sirius in a hushed voice. About everyone knew she was the lead loony in James's personal 'fan club'. At the drop of a hat she would pounce on anyone who had assaulted 'her' precious James in any way.
"No good freaky stalker chick..." Sirius muttered plucking rotted leaves from his under grown Montpellier and shocking it with his taser out of his disgruntlement. He was frustrated and it felt good to insult anybody.
"Psst!" Peter hissed as his Mandellier snapped angrily at him barring its rows of thorny teeth. "I just got this from Patty who got it from Frank who snatched it from Ricky who threw it at Jesse who received it from Lysandra who says it's from Remus." He whispered in one breath.
Sirius looked through the trail of people Peter mentioned to the front of the greenhouse to Remus's table he shared with his girlfriend Lysandra. He met eyes with Remus briefly before looking back down quickly. Remus's expression had just screamed 'I told you so' which Sirius always hated. He quickly unfolded the note while Peter looked over his shoulder attempting to tie the Mandellier's mouth shut with its own vines.
Padfoot,
I told you so!
-Moony
Sirius looked up and scowled at Remus who had already returned to shocking his moody plant. He scribbled rapidly on the paper.
Honestly Moony is it written somewhere that you have to be a royal ass to me all the time?!?!?! That evil temptress is having a bad influence on you. Besides... he didn't actually say he didn't want our help.
-Padfoot
Sirius shoved the note in Peter's hands before returning to his plant. Peter smiled at the note and added.
Moony,
Hi!
-Wormtail
P.S. Tell Lynn I think she looks especially wonderful today!
Peter handed the note to Patty Walters at the table next to him who sent it back up to Remus. Remus held the note between himself and Lysandra so they both could read it. Lysandra finished reading first and began writing furiously on the parchment, and then allowed Remus to add his two cents. When the note reached backed to Peter Sirius snatched it up and unfolded it.
Half-witted clueless twit of a man-whore or Black AKA Padfoot (For some strange reason),
First of all, my Remmie is not a royal ass! And if he is it was because of you and Potter! And if you refer to me as that evil temptress again I will...send my specially trained owl to castrate you, robbing you of the LITTLE 'pride' you have!
-Lysandra
P.S. Thank you for the comment Peter but flattery will get you nowhere so I suggest you review chapter 17 in the potions book before the next class. Just because I'm your partner in potions doesn't mean I have to make it for you. Good Day.
Errrr... Best to listen to what she says Padfoot. Anyway I knew James wouldn't let anyone help him because that's just the way he is! He wants to do everything by himself so he can brag about it afterwards! Sorry to say but it's a lost cause. I Guess we'll have to listen to him swoon over Lily forever and ever and ever and ev- *swervy scribble* Ow! Lynn just hit my hand and told me to past it back to you already.
-Moony
Sirius looked up at Peter puzzled.
"What the heck is castrate?" They both whispered in unison.
They both shrugged and Sirius replied.
Moony,
Prongs can't be that big-headed as to not except help when it's OBVIOUS he needs it. I'll show you!
-Padfoot
P.S. Tell the stupid broad that she's well...stupid because I don't even know what "castrate" means! HA! -Padfoot
P.P.S. How did you know I wanted help with Potions? Wow. You should take Divination! -Wormtail
As Peter sent off the note Sirius got out another piece of parchment, wrote something down quickly, and threw it at the back of James's head receiving murderous scowls from Erin. James sighed and smoothed out the not and read.
Prongs,
Hey greatest most super buddy in the whole entire world! Alright I'll cut the crap, but why don't you want our help?! We only want to make you stop whining- I mean make you happy. The bottom line is you being lovesick make us sick!
-Padfoot
James glanced behind him to where Sirius was smiling and waving a piece of parchment in the air that had a picture of a paw print, an equal sign, and a heart.
"Mr. Black!" hissed Professor Sprout, "Pay attention to your plant!" She whispered motioning frantically at his Mandellier. It seemed to be devourering Peter's!
James turned back around and wrote something swiftly and passed it behind him once Sirius and Peter had separated their plants.
Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail
I'm not lovesick! I don't need to get lovesick, for I am Sir Prongs Sex Goddess of Hogwarts! Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Do you know how many girls would sell their left arm to go with me? Evans probably is just shy of making an ass of herself in front of me... just look at her...shifting all cute and nervous in her chair as if she knows I'm thinking about her...brushing her hair back...just the way I like... Anyway, glad you guys care though!
-Sir Prongs Sex Goddess of Hogwarts
James placed to note neatly on Sirius's table and gave him the cheesiest grin ever. Sirius skimmed through the letter and his head snapped up again at James. James just ruffled his hair, making random girls around them sigh, as if to prove his point. Sirius rolled his eyes and sent the note up to Remus. The parchment circled around the class several times before it finally returned to Sirius covered.
Moony how do you do that? It's like your some kind of infamous know-it-all! You and Lynn should both take divination!
-Wormtail
Nobody likes a kiss-ass Wormtail. See how desperate he is Moony? He's gone delusional! He doesn't even remember I'm the almighty sex goddess of Hogwarts! Look at that face... we have to help him. He was even babbling in the note! Can we really live with that until...until... Prongs dies?!
-Padfoot
Why do you want to torment my poor friend even more? What has she ever done to you?
-Sunny Floyd
NO DETOURS! Get out of my note Sunny! Pass it the other way Peter!
-Padfoot who is pissed off by the shameless audacity of certain peoples...
Sonny's right! Can't you see what an ass spelunker you're little Prongs is by what he just wrote? He's a conceited big-headed freak who's obsessed with his hair! I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy! Leave my friend alone!
-Faye Denwall
She's right. Potter has enough girls already. Save some for the rest of us!
-Glen Harding
Exactly my point, Glen my man. You could manage to spare some chicks too, Black. And tell your quiet friend he's had Lysandra Rivers long enough now and to stop being greedy!
-Sean McCourt
P.S. Hufflepuff Rulez!!!
James is so hot! You're not so bad yourself Siri. He doesn't need some know it all skank like Evans...And even though he's a moron I think Sean's right! Lysandra should stop hanging around Remus so much, he's such a cutey!
-Patty Fryer
Oh I know! What has it been a year now since they got together???
-Diane Keat
Hi again, Please don't tell my girlfriend I wrote that! She'd kill me!
-Sean McCourt
P.S. Hufflepuff still rulez!!! Whoo!
What the hell are you people doing in my note?!?! This is a private conversation! NO EAVESDROPERS! And Faye, Sunny, or any random person who just so happens to hang around Evans keep your mouth shut! I want no more eavesdroppers, you hear? In fact, Peter go hand this to Remus personally!
-One EXTREEMELY pissed of Sex Goddess of Hogwarts by the name of Padfoot.
Padfoot,
I told you so. James is James and we can't change that for any girl! By the way, none of you can be the sex GODESS of Hogwarts because you're not GIRLS...
-Moony
P.S. Castrate- To remove the testicles of (a male); geld or emasculate. (In case you and Peter were still wondering)
Remember he called me a broad, Remmie! And don't you even care that those guys were hitting on me????
-Your Darling Lynn
P.P.S. Stop picking fights with Lynn, Padfoot, she did nothing to you...yet. And to Sean, Glen, and any other random guy who eavesdropped on our note: Ha ha ha-ha ha! Whoo! Score one for Remus!
He picked on Sunny and Faye too you know...
-Your ever loving Lynn
P.P.P.S. Sheesh Padfoot! You're already out to set James (who they HATE, Padfoot) out on Lily (who they are CONSTANTLY around, Padfoot) isn't that enough?
-Moony
Hey I think I love you...But what am I so afraid of? Afraid that I'm not sure, of a love there is no cure for...
-Kevin Gregory
I'll just IGNORE that Kevin. Stop sticking up for you girlfriend Remus! Can't you see she has you whipped, man?! James is my best friend! I'm going to do what makes him happy! Even if it means...making Evans see he's a decent person...
-Padfoot
P.S. What sicko would teach an owl to do that?!
*Gasp*
-Wormtail
You mean you'll do what makes him stop obsessing which makes you happy. And just how, pray tell, do you plan to do that?
-Moony
Oh I gotta here this.
-Lysandra (who is my Darling Lynn -Moony)
P.S. You're so sweet Remmie!
Hangin' around, Nothing to do but frown, Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down...
-Kevin Gregory
Dammit Kevin! Knock it off! Anyway, Moony you have to tell me are you in or are you out before I tell you my plan. Think about it. Do you rather me try one of my dimwitted schemes with only me an Peter, me being the brains of the outfit, and scarring someone for life, or would you rather us do it with you to tell us 'I told ya so' and supervise us???
-Padfoot
P.S. Lysandra Rivers if you think for one minute you're getting in the plan you're mad! And no more sweet talking each other in this note!
P.P.S. What do you do if this stupid plant starts sizzling and smelling like bacon?
When you put it that way...Fine. What's the plan?
-Moony
P.S. Stop shocking it, the taser isn't a toy! I smell your Mandellier all the way up here!
I knew you'd see things my way! I'll tell you at lunch, okay? Too many witnesses here. *cough*Lysandra*cough*
-Padfoot
Okay
-Moony
I can read between the 'coughs' dumbass.
-Lysandra
"Aw man..." said Sirius finishing the letter.
"Now all you need to do is get a plan." said Peter poking Sirius's lifeless Mandellier.
"Oh yes..." he started, glancing over at Lily who was oblivious to everything going on."A plan..."
AN- Whoo! Finished with this chapter. Review to find out what Sirius's "genius" plan will be...
-