Disclaimer- I don't own anything associated with Harry Potter, Scooby Doo, Dr. Seuss, Grease, or any other thing or song I borrowed to write this chapter.
AN- Well...I added a bit of a J/L moment for all those who asked. I kinda built this chapter around it so...yeah don't expect too much (my teacher says I have problems focusing on more than one things...Grr). I was suffering from major writer's block when I sat down to write this but luckily, the block was made of ice! Oh yeah, and don't worry about Chester, he'll be gone soon enough, the fat peddy...Anyway, *fanfare plays gaudy yet catchy tune* on with the chapter!
Snape slouched back in one of the black leather lounge chairs in the Slytherin common room. He rubbed his temples slightly as a somewhat crumpled piece of parchment lay on the side of his leg. Upon his return from Hogsmeade he had emptied his pockets to collect any loose change and discovered Evan's 'napkin' that Jules had slipped into his pocket at the time of his sudden departure. Soon Snape detected the presence of another lurking behind him. He opened one of his eyes slightly to come face to face with a sneering Randolphus Black and his older and much more attractive cousin Narcissa Black.
"I don't feel like playing tag right now, Black..." Snape muttered to the fourth year, covering his eyes with his outstretched hand. Narcissa chuckled and plopped down in the seat next to Severus.
"Get out of my chair. It's mine, not yours!" Randy demanded smacking Snape on his leg with his wand like an impatient brat.
"Go away! I swear it must be something in the water or something at your house that makes you and your idiot brother so...urgh..." Snape deducted sighing.
"For some reason I really don't doubt it. His side of the family has always been a little...off." Narcissa replied, smearing some expensive makeup on her face trying to give her pale facade a bit of color to make it look as if she were actually alive.
"Make me." Randy replied crossing his arms in front of his chest like a defiant kid and ignoring Narcissa's comment.
"Will one of you just leave already? You're ruining my concentration!" Narcissa complained, adding some mascara with a trembling hand.
"Frankly, you're the only one here that would care if you poked your eye out." Randy said sincerely.
"Frankly, you're the only one here that would care if your stupid legs fall of from exhaustion because you can't sit down, so there!"
"...I'm gonna owl my father about this!"
"You owl your father about everything, 'Oh Father this teacher won't pass me, see if you can have him sacked! Or, 'Father someone ate the last waffle at breakfast!' that's all it is with you!" Narcissa said, scowling in Randy's direction.
"I'm leaving..." Snape growled getting up not really feeling like hearing this.
Randy let out a snide chuckle and flopped down in the chair that was previously occupied by Snape. He spotted a piece of parchment falling to the floor as Snape began to stalk away.
"Oh, great." Narcissa muttered sarcastically.
"Hello, what's this?" Randy questioned snatching up the butterbeer stained paper. Snape spun around on his heels and reached for the paper only to have his hand slapped down by Randy who was in a full fit of giggles now.
"What does it say?" Narcissa questioned, putting down her eyelash curler.
"It's none of your business!" Snape hissed shooting him a scowl.
"Ooh, pink ink, a love letter! Aww...Snapey's got a crush..." Randy sat up and began to read the offending letter aloud, "'To my Dearest Sweet, Tender, Beloved, You may already know this but I have yearned for you for quite some time. From the first moment I saw the sun rise with your smile on your enticingly gorgeous face I knew I loved you. A love that only grew stronger as the years progressed with your goddess like qualities such as your beauty of Aphrodite and the fluttering wisdom of Athena. My undying passion for you starts every morning when I wake up singing your name until I fall asleep with your sublime name still on my lips. So far I had not been able to express my undying love for you because of my sometimes brash insensitiveness but I am turning over a new leaf. You probably know my identity by now so I will leave you with the knowledge that I will forever be under the spell of your love. Much love and passion, your not-so-secret Admirer.'" Randy finished reading out loud in a crooning voice. By this time he was in a fit of full laughter.
"Would you shut up, I didn't even write it!" Snape growled snatching it out of his grasp.
"Of course you didn't. It sounds like it's to a girl." Narcissa muttered.
"What are you implying?" Snape questioned testily.
"Well it's pretty obvious, the way you're always tailing Potter and his friends like some kind of lovesick schoolgirl..."
"Wha- I- You- I do not act like a lovesick schoolgirl! Somebody, a girl wrote that to me!"
"Oh yeah?" Randy said still laughing as if the idea of Snape getting that letter was the funniest thing since Monty Python, "Who would have a crush on you, the crypt keeper in his prime?"
"Well, if you must know, Evans!" Snape replied sticking his abnormally large nose in the air.
"Who?"
"You know, prefect, red hair, Gryffindor..."
"Oh, her," Narcissa spat in disgust, "She was supposed to tutor me in Charms, can you believe that? Who do you know that has more charm than me?"
"...And you made it to fifth year, how?" Snape questioned.
"Oh... you mean mudblood." Randy paused before continuing to laugh ruthlessly. Snape looked as if he wanted to shove the parchment down his throat.
"It's not like I asked for this...Eww...I saw her give it to Jul- somebody to give to me." Snape said reliving the memory of Lily's hand clutched around the piece of parchment as she approached his table.
"This is classic! Now do you see what comes from washing your hair? A mudblood has a crush on you! Well now that I think about it, you two really have your common ground. You both love obsessing over Potter and his boneheaded friends..."
"There's a difference between obsessing and stalking, idiot." Narcissa snapped.
"Is there really? That's not what Malfoy told you last year..." Randy murmured with a smirk on his face.
"But that's what Professor Chester told you." Narcissa snarled in Randy's direction.
"...I'm olwling my father!" Randy said after understanding what she meant.
"Again with the run and tell Daddy thing!"
"...Focus...please." Snape said, waving his hands in front of his face trying to get their attention.
"On what?" Randy questioned with a blank expression on his face.
Narcissa sighed and dug in her front pocket. She pulled out a spongy round ball about the size of an orange.
"I have a ball. Don't take your eyes off the ball. Now," she made a throwing motion with her hand. "Go get the ball, boy."
Randy scoffed. "I'm not some kind of stupid house elf, what makes you think I'll get the ball?"
"Because, when you squeeze that ball the sample of the sleeping potion you bought from Severus for your stupid exam tomorrow leaks out and if you don't catch it your grade and your new prized Italian Dragon scale boots from Daddy both go fluttering out the window...literally." Narcissa explained in a know-it-all voice.
"You bitch." Randy exclaimed, in shock, gripping his boots lovingly.
"Ohh, looky Severus someone left a window open."
Randy scuffled off towards the direction where the sponge ball bounced off to. Narcissa jerked the not out of Severus's hand as she turned to him.
"What do I do?" Snape whined in a voice very unlike his own. "I already like...somebody..."
"Oh yes, Narcissa is all about pining after girls...well she used to, before the operation." Randy snickered from the other side of the room.
"Hey that window's getting bigger! *cough* Comet 160 *cough*" Narcissa sputtered.
Randy immediately got back to searching under the couch frantically.
"Well, it's a simple solution. Get it through her very very very thick skull that you are a Slytherin and you will hate mudbloods no matter how desperate and pathetic you are." Narcissa said suppressing a yawn.
"So very desperate and pathetic." Randy muttered.
"Yeah you're right...Do I really come off as desperate and pathetic?"
"...I won't answer that, sake of your...'feelings'." Narcissa said after a while.
"How do I get this other girl to like me? I mean, it's not like I actually care though...she's just some girl." Snape added hastily.
"It would be a different situation if it was some boy?" Randy questioned with a fascinated smirk growing on his face.
"Don't you have some ball to find?"
"I really wanna help you!"
"Fine what would you do?"
"Well...I'd get a bat, knock her one good one in the side of the head, drag her in a closet-" Randy started.
"Severus doesn't need your one-minute plans!" Narcissa commented, interrupting Randy.
"Well then...I'd get a bat, a jar of honey and then jinx her to make her think she's a bee, smear the honey on-"
"None of you're perverted plans please and that means no bats!" Severus warned him.
"Then I'd-"
"No bats!" Narcissa and Severus screamed in unison.
"Fine! Does she know that your father is one of the governors of the school?" Randy questioned looking a bit peeved that nobody wanted his brilliant plans.
"...I think so."
"Threaten to write your father." Randy said like it as the most obvious thing to do.
"...That might work..." Snape said stroking his chin in thought.
"No it won't. Come on idiot; humor us with some more of your genius ideas" Narcissa spat at Randy.
"Well, did you try to bribe her already?"
"Severus's father doesn't shower him in money and goods every day like yours Randolphus." Narcissa said exasperatly sighing.
"Well then I give up! Those are the only ways I can think of how Snape can get a girl! Now Severus, if you don't mind, can you get off your ass and go brew me another sleeping potion so I can pass tomorrow and get another pair of boots from father? Because I see this maniac really has thrown the ball out the freakin' window! "Randy demanded, leaning over the windowsill onto the grounds where the ball lay floating in a puddle of murky red liquid that was quickly disappearing in the earth.
"Here." Narcissa said thrusting the ruffled parchment in Severus's hands roughly. "Give her this note. You don't have much going for you but maybe she's stupid and will believe on the whole 'inside beauty' thing." Narcissa said straining to show some compassion.
"Gee, thanks." Severus replied sarcastically.
"And whatever you do, don't scowl... or whine...or talk about potions...or get caught by her around Potter and his gang, he'll make an ass out of you and there's enough of that to your image...don't go near a broom...-" Narcissa said, ticking off each thing as she said it.
"Thanks." Snape growled, heading for the stairs.
"And for goodness sake, wash your hair!" Narcissa shouted after him.
"I don't think we should bother him now, Padfoot. He said he needed some time alone." Peter whimpered bending over pick up one of Sirius's six Ultra Silky Smooth shampoo bottles, only succeeding in dropping two of the other five he was gripping in his arm. They had just returned from the prefect's bathroom on there search for Remus. Needless to say he was not there but Sirius just had to stop to wash his hair...
"Puh. He just broke up with some chick...he's a guy, not some pining little schoolgirl, he should have been over it about...an hour and forty-five minutes ago." Sirius remarked idly glancing down at his watch.
"That's how long it would take you to get over something like this and you don't count because you don't have real feelings or a conscience or compassion and I'm starting to get suspicions about you actually having a heart!" Peter reprimanded sharply.
Sirius just chuckled aloofly and continued his long strides down the shifting staircase.
"What do you think he's doing?" Peter whispered as he scrambled to catch up to Sirius. They we're taking a stroll in the darkening castle from the Prefect's Bathrooms where Remus told them he would be taking refuge after Sirius had told him Lynn was long gone. And that was two hours ago.
"Oh, who knows, Wormtail... he's probably still bawling like a baby wandering blindly down the hall's screaming her name." Sirius replied speeding up his pace with his head down and eyes scanning the empty halls.
"Why would he be doing that?"
"That's what she's trained him to do, duh." Sirius said, rolling his eyes.
"It's pathetic." Sirius spat.
"And sardonic." Peter added.
"It's sadistic."
"Yet psychotic."
"...We're rhyming like this is some Dr. Seuss book." Sirius pointed out laughing slightly.
"The only reason Dr. Seuss rhymes is because he gets high before writing every book, that's how he comes up with all those words too! I mean, what the hell is a Wocket or a Snookle Dorkle, or a-a-a Barbaloot Suit? And why, pray tell, is the Grinch and that stupid cat in the hat and all the other fairy tale thingies naked?! Puh...Wocket in my pocket indeed...I would never let my baby sister read that smut." Peter said, scrunching up his face in disgust.
"Haven't you ever pondered the real meaning of 'Hop on Pop'? And exactly what's with the little stalker guy on speed offering tainted eggs and ham?" Sirius asked scoffing.
"...We're not focusing here! We have to save Remus, before he does the unthinkable!" Peter said shaking his head.
"Yes, let's stop him before he goes around painting murals of her on the wall..." Sirius muttered sarcastically.
"Well we should be worried! He seemed pretty upset when he left the dorm." Peter whispered, saying the understatement of the year. Remus had completely blown his top when Sirius told him that Lynn had left him. He had completely caused a fit and thrown heavy objects at a darting Sirius and ranting and raving that Sirius had single handedly screwed up everything. When he finally stepped out of the dorm claiming he needed some 'alone' time Sirius and Peter had both been hiding under the bed, away from the wrath.
"He'll thank me later. To think he could have actually stayed together with her until he- he-." Sirius stated, making wild hand movements with his hands.
"Left Hogwarts?" Peter suggested meekly.
"Yes! She'd probably shack up with Moony somewhere in this secluded disco/ranch -like on that crappy movie- and reduce him to dressing up like a French maid or something kinkishly sick every night so she can drape him across her lap every night to spank him and tell him what a very bad boy he's been! and he'd never be a free man again! How do ya think he would like that? Huh? Huh?!" Sirius said demonstrating his bad habit of jabbing his finger into people's chest.
"Err... Padfoot, you had a lot of time to think about this haven't you? Anyway I get this sick vibe that Moony would actually enjoy that...treatment"
"Just because you would like it doesn't mean he will, you twisted rat!" Sirius hollered as they turned the hall leading to the kitchens.
"...You really do think he'll thank you for humping his leg, huh?" Peter questioned trying to change the subject briskly.
Sirius just snorted in reply while reaching for the Marauder's Map again to see what password they should use to trespass on house elf territory which was what Peter had suggested Remus was when they discovered he had left the Prefect's Bathroom.
"Probably the most action he's gotten in weeks- no, no, months." Sirius boasted with a cheesy grin spreading across his face.
"Actually, just the other night- you probably couldn't hear over your snoring but-she came into the room with him and-" Peter started drumming his pudgy fingers together sheepishly.
"Eww! I thought you only slept under James's bed! Don't tell me you've been collecting Remus's sweat too..." Sirius said scrunching up his face in disgust.
"Every time I go under James's bed there's dirty underwear end up crawling up my shirt..."
"Too much information! Let's see...where's the map?" Sirius said to a confused Peter.
"Thought you had it." Peter said simply.
"I gave it to you!" Sirius said raising his voice.
"I asked Kevin to hold it while I got your shampoo out of the shower before we left!"
"Oh, great, Kevin the reliable!" Sirius said sarcastically as he sighed.
"I'll just find Kevin and tell him-." Peter started to turn away before Sirius grabbed his collar.
"Don't bother! He only comes around me at the worst possible time, never when I actually need him..."
"Or when you sing-"
"We're not singing." Sirius said flatly, shuddering at the thought.
"But what if we-."
"No singing!"
"Fine! Sheesh, just tickle the fruits then..." Peter said pointing to the statue bowl.
"Which one, Genius?"
"I think it's the pear."
Sirius tickled the pear lightly and immediately the entrance began to reveal itself. Sirius cocked an eyebrow at Peter.
"I should have known you would remember how to get in the kitchens..." he muttered as he stepped in and gazed around.
No Remus.
James Potter swaggered down the potions corridor dragging an empty burlap sack labeled Dung bombs in one hand and his invisibility cloak n the other. He didn't see the reason to wear his cloak when the whole place was deserted. He approached the potions classroom door and looked inside hoping not to see anybody. He didn't but what he saw was strange all the same. The whole place was lit dim and scented candles placed around the whole room filtered through the darkness to reveal torn and grubby looking silk sheets covering his main desk and some of the cabinets. James thought the entire place needed was some cheesy saxophone in the background to make it the perfect set for some low budget porn movie. Not seeing Chester around anywhere James decided to take a chance and slid stealthily into the room and made his way to Chester's desk. He yanked up the silk sheet covering and pondered what drawer to raid first.
"Ha, looks like Professor Chester will be repaying me back for a lost lunch after all." James said to no one in particular as he yanked opened the first drawer.
"What the-?" James started making retching sounds as held up a grubby looking pair of underwear that looked like it was big enough to hide away the Russian circus (why have I been saying that all day?!). In many places it was torn and baggy as if despite its enormous size it had still been stretched out. James didn't dare to sniff the offending briefs, just tossed them as far as he could when he spotted some dried up white stains on the faded black fabric.
"I feel violated in more than... 32 ways right now, so I'll just take my dungbombs and leave..." James said, thinking aloud.
James continued to sift through the drawers that contained endless playboy magazines and for some odd reason a lot of leather whips until he came upon a cabinet labeled Confiscated in big dark letters.
"Hmm...You'd think I would've checked this one first..." He said to himself.
"Why the heck am I talking to myself? Urgh...I must be missing Sirius." James said shaking his head. "Where the hell are those guys anyway?!" he questioned himself returning to his work.
He dug out random confiscated magazines and about all the meaningless notes Sirius had wrote over the years containing phrases like 'who farted?', 'who threw the biscuit?!' and 'No it is not my upper lip Remus!'. Behind all the junk there was a medium sized burlap sack identical to the empty one in his hand except this one read Very innocent inconspicuous bag containing No dungbombs whatsoever, Property of Sirius Black in big letters. James grinned and snatched the sack and replaced it with his empty one.
"And now to lay my precious eggs..." he muttered looking around the room, patting the sack tentatively.
"Do I hear whispering down there?" questioned a Chester in a sing song voice from the top of the stairs leading to his office.
James ducked back behind the desk and watched in horror as Chester waddled down the stairs wearing nothing but a tight pair of flesh colored underwear that had curvy red letters on the backside that read 'I've Grinded up all the Spanish Flies in Spain, Baby...' which was mostly covered by endless amounts of drooping, sweaty fat mostly covered by a disturbingly thick rug of thick red hair. James turned into the space under the desk to conceal himself. He glanced at the Professor again as he waddled up to the desk and looked at all the dishelved files and scowled. He placed what looked like a variety of scented candles down and proceeded to fix his stuff.
"I'll have to talk to Mr. Filch about that damn cat, messing up my room when I have a guest arriving none the less..." he muttered to himself with a nasty grin on his face.
"Guest?" James thought, scrunching up his face.
Chester swung his legs from under the table and proceeded to wrap himself in the red velvet robe and then retreat to his seat.
James looked around pleadingly hoping to see some means of escape. He suddenly remembered earlier when Remus had destroyed their dorm in a full rage. Remus had tore through everyone's belongings, even his own. In the midst of objects he had thrown at his friends had been his secret chocolate stash he kept hidden securely under his bed. Remus kept enough chocolate to put Honeydukes to shame so James didn't think he would mind if he snagged a few bars for the road. James dug deep down in his pocket feeling around for any signs of chocolate life. Finally, he struck gold when his fingers reached a gooey, icky substance at the bottom of his pocket, underneath all the filth and lint.
'Ewww.......' James thought silently as he pulled out a disfigured and half melted chocolate bar which was leaking out onto his hand. Being stuck in a stuffed pocket for over two hours had not done the poor thing well, he observed.
'You'd have to be the greediest, most fowl glutton to fall for-' James thoughts were interrupted by a loud sniffing noise coming from above him. He froze with utter terror as the noise grew louder and drew closer to him. It sounded like a lion sniffing out his latest victim for dinner.
"Mmm...Chocolate..." James heard a low trance-like voice grumble.
'Uh oh...'
"Me hungry..." he snarled in an almost savage-like way.
James immediately threw the chocolate as far from himself as he could, which was far at the other end of the class behind a stack of broken and melted cauldrons. He then attempted to wipe his hands clean of the scent of chocolate before he ended up missing fingers. Chester didn't even hear the scrambling and frantic rubbing of fabric that came from under his desk as he flew right out of his recliner and to the edge of the classroom, searching frantically for the source of the tempting chocolaty scent that was taunting his nose.
"Err, Professor?" James squeaked out meekly as he crawled out slowly from under the desk. Just as he planned, Chester didn't look up as he was too busy scrambling around for the melted chocolate bar. James managed to ease his way out of the classroom unnoticed with his invisibility cloak in one hand and Padfoot's dungbomb booty (teehee...) in the other.
"Brr...." James said too himself, shuddering involuntarily. "That guy's got issues..."
Lily stalked down towards the dreary potions corridors slowly, dreading her first detention immensely.
"How could I get a detention?" she asked herself for like the millionth time. "I'm a prefect for crying out loud! Urgh...its all because of that...fat drunkard Chester..." she continued grumbling as she kicked at the floor out of her frustration.
Her bitter thoughts were interrupted by a loud creaking noise echoing through the halls coming from a closet door that had just swung open ever so slowly. Lily stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the door for a moment. She thought she had seen a dark shadow creep into the closet swiftly. Lily thought about this cautiously. Dark shadows, in a dark, deserted hall, all alone...with her. Definitely not good. Especially since jumping out of closets into her was something Potter was good at. And of course Lily wasn't in the mood to deal with him. In fact she was never in the mood for that. But what if it wasn't Potter? On the other note, shadows meant people. And people creeping around dark halls so near to curphew had to be breaking some sort of rule. And rule breakers meant Prefect Lily not having to spend who knows how many hours alone with Chester which was worst than five James Potters. Correction, just as bad.
"Who is that?" she called out in her 'authoritive Prefect' voice.
Silence answered her call. Her thin red eyebrows creased down on her forehead out of frustration as she stepped closer to the closet which slammed as soon as she reached out to grab the handle.
"Ha! I know you're in there! Do you know it's...nearing eight forty-five? That's only fifteen minutes until curphew! I'm afraid if you don't step out of this closet right away, I'll be forced to dock house points along with a detention.
Lily glanced down at the doorknob which was vibrating a bit as if a shaking hand was holding it on the other side. Finally, the door slowly began to glide open inches at a time. Lily stood back and grinned widely, satisfied that she still had her touch. Lily peered into the closet but all that met her eyes was darkness and more darkness...along with a few cleaning supplies.
"What the-?" she started but was cut off when a pale hand reached out and grabbed her by her front robes violently. She was too shocked too retaliate in anyway when another thin pale hand lashed out and dragged her into the closet, making her drop her wand suddenly, closing the door behind her.
When she finally realized she was now in the closet accompanying whoever this freak she was reached down behind her to make a swift grab for the doorknob. It rattled in her hand as she attempted to kick down the door but to no avail.
"It's locked!" she exclaimed helplessly as she tried to beat down the door. She felt an icy hand cover her mouth fully and she jumped from surprise.
"Shut up Evans!" she heard a cold voice hiss. A vaguely familiar cold voice.
Lily felt a thin arm slither past her side as the mystery person reached for the doorknob to try it himself. Just as Lily had said, the doorknob jingled uselessly, not budging, making the mystery person curse loudly.
"Oh great...trapped in here with a stupid mudblood!" the voice grumbled.
Mudblood? This term only could by uttered by a-
"Slytherin!" Lily gasped against the hand, which clamped down tighter in response. Lily bit down on the hand fiercely resulting in the Slytherin letting out a loud howl.
"Ew, mudblood spit! Get it off me!"
"Now, who are you?" Lily questioned in a quivering voice, pressing her back flat against the door, as far away from the freak as she could get.
Lily heard nothing but silence for a fleeting moment followed by a slow mummer of words. A spell that Lily recognized as a more advanced version of Lumos. Suddenly the tip of the person's wand ignited in a tiny blue flame. Lily practically held her breath as the wand drew ever so closer to the person's face. The blue flame flickered off of the pale, drawn face of (I'll give you one guess.) Severus Snape.
"Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" Lily screeched.
"Sirius did you hear something?" Peter questioned pausing in his steps allowing Sirius to walk ahead of him.
"...No, I don't think I heard Evans..." Sirius replied thoughtfully, plopping down at the foot of the statue of Ishtar the Inquisitive. He ran an annoyed hand through his now tousled raven hair and sighed.
"Oh, okay." Peter responded as he plopped down next to Sirius pulling out a chocolate filled éclair he managed to swipe from the kitchens.
Sirius stared at his friend with a look of disgust and guilt etched on his handsome face.
"How can you eat that without thinking of our poor, poor, lost, woe begotten Remus, who could be out there in this great cold world, staggering about drunkenly, looking vainly for someone to scratch behind his scruffy ears or worse and show him some love or worse, looking vainly for a place to die..." Sirius muttered in a pitiful voice rather overdramatically in Peter's opinion.
"...Why do you always talk about us as if we were dogs?" Peter pointed out, letting out a little chuckle. Sirius seemed to ignore him and let out an exasperated sigh.
"Where could he be? We looked all over this castle-" Sirius continued, ignoring Peter.
"What do you mean the whole castle? All we did was go through the kitchens, go back to this statue, and circle the kitchen three more times!"
"...It doesn't matter! He's gone forever-!"
"Because you practically raped him, in front of everybody nonetheless!" Peter added.
"This wouldn't have happened if Lysandra wasn't so evil!" Sirius retorted.
"No, this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't decided to cross dress and seduce him..." Peter corrected matter of factly, licking the smeared chocolate from around his face. Sirius scowled at him.
"...you know I can't control the stupid things I do, it's her fault!" Sirius defended himself unsurely.
"She came to our dorm and forced you to wear that and hump her boyfriend's leg?" Peter questioned sarcastically.
"...Exactly!"
Peter sighed hopelessly as he continued licking the chocolate off of his hands. Every lick Peter made just reminded Sirius more of his lost friend, probably too weak and depressed to even chase his own tail or to chase a ball-wait, he was thinking about a dog...
"We'll gonna find him!" Sirius declared standing up suddenly.
"No...We're not." Peter replied boredly, not even bothering to get up.
"We are!" Sirius replied, yanking him up by his collar forcefully.
"No, were really not. You may be book smart but Remus is more brain smart than both of us combined." Peter pointed out, making Sirius stop dead in his tracks. Sirius opened his mouth to protest but stopped when he saw Peter shaking his head, silently advising him not to.
"You think he doesn't know were looking for him? He's hiding somewhere he knows we'd never go."
"...There's always that rare occurrence that you say something worthwhile, Wormtail."
"So we'll never find him."
"All we have to do is rule out all the places we'd go to. So...the kitchens, Hogsmeade, the kitchens, outside, the kitchens..."
"He's on the fifth floor." Peter exclaimed out loud.
"What?" Sirius asked clearly puzzled. "Why would he be on...the muggle studies floor?"
"Because you were banned from it!" Peter exclaimed triumphantly.
"I'm not banned! I was just up there two weeks ago playing that video game thingamajigger pong!" Sirius stated.
"Err, that's why you're banned. You were up there for over four days straight. You refused to leave and they owled your parents and told them you took up residence."
"...I beat my high score!" Sirius exclaimed merrily after reminiscing for about five minutes.
"Right...I'm sure you did."
"So let's go." Sirius said, walking on once again.
"Didn't you hear one word I said?!"
"Yeah, you told me my hair was beautiful, then you said 'Oh Great, caring Sirius, our good friend Remus who you helped out tremendously can be found on the fifth floor where you so bravely ventured to break your Pong record once again,' I heard you loud and clear." Sirius replied seriously, not turning around to face Peter as he raced towards the stairs.
"You and your selective hearing..." Peter muttered.
"Oh stop your worrying. We'll just make a little check on the fifth floor and if he's not there we'll bait the traps with chocolate tonight."
"But it's already ten past nine! Curphew, remember?" Peter desperately grabbed for something to get Sirius back to the dorm as his eyes darted around the dark and deserted corridor nervously.
"Aww...come on." Sirius replied continuing his way up the stairs.
Peter hesitated before following as he heard lightning crack somewhere off into the distance, briefly lighting the stairway path through the window. His eyes flashed to the window briefly where he could clearly see dark storm clouds hovering over Hogsmeade, threatening to invade the clear Hogwarts night sky.
"...That can't be a good sign." he muttered as he trailed after Sirius.
"What do you want Snape?" Lily asked through a quivering voice. After all, Slytherins didn't usually pull her into random closets for no reason.
"What do you think?" he spat back acidly.
Lily eyed Snape up and down rather suspiciously before her eyes widened and she turned back to the door and began to beat down the door yet again.
"Oh please, someone save me from this sick bastard!!!!" she screeched frantically, attempting to knock down the door before Snape's had slid up to her mouth once again.
"You stupid mudblood, don't flatter yourself. I wouldn't waste my time...doing that to you! Who do I look like, Potter? Now, when I take my hand off your mouth you better keep it shut! Is that understood?"
Lily considered it for a moment before nodding vigorously.
"All right." Snape said removing his hand from her face. This was clearly a mistake because as he did this Lily stood on her tip toes directly across from his ear and let out a deafening screech.
"You stupid whore!"
"Filthy Slytherin!"
"...Evil Mudblood!" he retorted rubbing his ear with his free hand.
"Asshole wannabe rapist jerk guy!"
"...For the last time I don't wanna rape you of all people!!!" he snarled viciously at her.
"Eek!" Lily shrieked backing away from him once again.
"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"
"Your head! Put it out, put it out!" she said waving frantically. Snape looked to the side where the blue flame tip of his wand was sparking on his hair.
"Holy shit!" he exclaimed as his whole head ignited quicker than a pile of oily rags, the exact thing the grease in his hair was equivalent to. He threw his wand somewhere in the darkness and its blue tip went out.
"Put it out, put it out!" Lily squealed, edging towards the locked door.
"Put me out, put me out!" he whined, frantically fanning his hair to no avail.
"Goodness gracious great balls of fire! You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain-" a lofty voice sounded outside the door. Lily instantly recognized this voice. Who else walked around the castle singing random songs?
"Kevin, help! The fire's gonna spread!" Lily begged desperately banging on the door.
"Too much love drives a man insane-"
"Were not doing what you think you sicko!" Snape said between howls of anguish as he covered his head with a dirty rag he found on the floor while searching for his wand blindly.
"You broke my will, what a thrill, and Goodness gracious Great balls of fire!" Kevin continued as he struggled evidently with the door.
"Don't you have a wand?!"
"...Help, I need somebody, help! Not just anybod-" Kevin responded changing his tune.
"Then go get help you useless idiot!" Snape screeched.
"Does nobody in this lousy castle carry their wand?" Lily asked exasperatedly as she searched idleness for Snape's wand. Suddenly her knee hit a bucket on wheels and a cloudy liquid splashed slightly against her skirt.
"Please don't be flammable..." Lily whispered as she doused Severus him the dirty pail of mop water, leaving him sputtering and coughing in disgust. He managed to sputter out some slightly recognizable words to Lily, surprisingly Lily understood every word.
"Well, what the hell did you want me to do, wait until you set the whole closet on fire?! Sheesh, wash your hair once in a while, it's a fire hazard...literally!" she hollered. Hurling the now empty bucket at him.
"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down..." Kevin sang lightly as he drifted aimlessly up and down the empty corridors searching for somebody who actually thought of bringing their wand out.
James followed the sound of Kevin's frantic song through the darkness. It was past curphew so the lights were cut out but through the quick flashes of the lightning in the distance James made out Kevin's worried face.
"Kevin, what's up?" James questioned his clearly perturbed roommate.
"And I do appreciate you being 'round..."
"Yeah, what's his problem?"
"Help her get her feet back on the ground..." Now usually, James was just as clueless as Sirius when it came to understanding Kevin. But this was different. James could understand anything when it came to Lily.
"What?! She's locked in a closet with who? Snape?!"
"Won't you please, please help me?"
"I'm on my way Lily!" James replied dashing off in the opposite direction.
"Help me. Help me, oooh..." Kevin said softly to himself, a wide grin spreading across his face.
"..."
"..."
"...You're stupid friend isn't coming back is he?" a slightly smoking Severus Snape muttered in a bitter voice. He didn't have to have light to know Lily was scowling at him.
"Well, we wouldn't have to if a certain idiot hadn't pulled me in here." she spat angrily at him.
"How dare a pathetic mudblood like yourself call me an idiot?"
"Idiot!"
Snape jerked around to face her, eyeing her dangerously through the darkness.
"Don't you dare let that word escape your mouth while you are in my presence!"
There was a short silence as Lily drew in a deep breath. She grabbed the front collar of his robes and pulled his face close to hers.
"Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot!"
"...This little hard to get game may work on Potter but if you ever plan on a snagging a sane guy, let alone me you should learn how to treat people with respect and not just sending little fan girl letters." Snape muttered, glaring intently into her emerald eyes.
"Snape...What the hell do you think you're talking about?!"
"Like you don't know!"
"I don't!"
"Oh really, what's this then?" Snape questioned bitterly, holding out a crumpled piece of parchment.
"I
can hardly see my hand in front of my face, how do you expect me to see
that?"
"Here!" he screamed slamming the note down in her palm. "Get it through your head mudblood, I hate Gryffindors, I hate Mudbloods, and I hate you!" Snape hollered as the closet door flew open.
Snape looked blankly at their rescuer before fixing his face in a scowl and adding,
"And you!"
"I'm free!" Lily exclaimed happily as she rushed past James and swiped up her wand from the floor.
"Snape!" James exclaimed, drawing his wand.
"Potter," Snape snarled in response.
"You, you, you...animal! What have you done to my darling Lily?!"
"Don't call me that." Lily responded automatically.
"...Excuse me?" Snape questioned as he reached over to get his wand from behind a bunch of damp mops.
"You heard me you...cad." James said, narrowing his eyes sharply.
"Idiot."
"You're both idiots..." Lily muttered to herself.
"Half-wit."
"Blood traitor!" Snape accused. "Falling for a mudblood, you should rather die than reduce your pathetic self to that!" Snape screeched through the dark hall. It fell deeply silent when Snape said that. A bolt of lightning flashed in the distance and revealed the satisfied smirk he wore on his face.
"You-take-that-back." James choked out bitterly. The heat of his anger was slowly rising on his face.
"No."
"Yes!"
"Will you two knock it off?"
"No!"
"Yes, you slimy bastard!"
"Make me!" Snape spat out right before James leaped off his feet and collided with Snape's midsection, tackling him to the stony floor, pummeling him with punches.
"...I'm not gonna interfere with this. The idiots deserve what they get." Lily announced to the empty corridor. Lily stepped gingerly over where the two boys wrestled about, grunting and cursing on the floor and picked up a long silvery cloak that James had been carrying with him.
"I'm gonna borrow this Potter. I don't need another detention for being out after cuphew...you're obviously too occupied to use it right now, right?" she asked turning toward the entangled pair.
James didn't respond as Snape had his gangly arms encircled tightly around his neck. He kicked and squirmed his legs about until he worked his arm around and decked Snape in his back, making him yelp out in surprise.
"Wha-?" James managed to respond to Lily right before Snape's foot collided with his side.
"Exactly." Lily replied throwing the cloak over her head and continuing down the dark path.
"Sirius!" Peter squeaked out reaching for the end of his friend's cloak. He couldn't help the fact that lightning made him jumpy, even when it was miles away.
"What Peter?" Sirius answered clearly irritated.
"Why's it so dark?"
"That's what happens when you turn off the lights." Sirius explained slowly, ripping his cloak free of Peter's death grip. At that moment a bolt of lightning crashed under the nearing storm clouds, making Peter jump up in the air from fright.
"We should go into a class." Peter suggested shakily.
"Why?"
"I doubt Remus will be standing in the middle of the hall waiting to greet us..."
"Well Mr. Genius which room do we start in?"
Another bolt of lightning.
"Does it really matter?!"
"...Yes."
"Does not! They all connect anyway!" Peter claimed scrambling for the first door he saw, the muggle electronics classroom.
"Good thinking. Remus is probably in here trying to beat my score on Pong." Sirius replied snapping as he followed Peter into the dark room.
Peter scurried into the room and plopped down in the first chair he saw and began panting deeply as if he had just completed a mile run.
"...It's dark in here too, you know." Sirius pointed out.
"I'm not afraid of the dark!" Peter defended himself. His friends always made wisecracks about him being afraid of everything he couldn't eat which was in most part true.
"You're afraid of a wee bit of lightning?"
"Yes."
"But its miles away!" Sirius exclaimed. Though Peter couldn't see him he was sure he heard a grin spread over his face.
"It makes me jumpy!"
"Right...you do know there are windows in here too, don't you?" Sirius added as an after thought as lightning crashed in a distance followed by a low grumble of thunder.
"Eep! Sirius, turn on the lights!" Peter begged, taking cover under the seat he had flew out of.
"I've been trying to. The eleckytricity they run on this floor must be out...I thought you weren't afraid of the dark."
"Let's get out of here!" Peter said as he walked towards the door leading to the exit. He wrapped his shaky hand around the knob. "Remus could find his- uh oh."
"Find his uh-oh? I reckon he's found that quite a while ago."
"It's locked!" Peter exclaimed in a shrill voice.
"Really?"
"Yes! Were stuck inside a dark classroom with lightning and scary stuff! Were gonna die..." Peter whined frantically.
"Get a grip, Tubby Buddy, are you a wizard or aren't you? Alohamora? Just whip out your wand and-"
"It's with the map!" Peter wailed, well near tears.
"Where's the map?"
"With Kevin!"
"...You...dumbass." Sirius remarked clearly speechless.
"Where's your wand?" Peter questioned in a suspicious voice.
"You gave it to Corky the house elf so I could carry some of your moon pies you dope!" Sirius screamed as he hurled a smashed moon pie Peter's way.
"What're we gonna do?" Peter asked helplessly trying to shift the subject.
"You said the classrooms connect, and Remus is in one of these classes right?" Sirius said, walking to the side of the classroom where a room marked Muggle Mythology was.
"...Right." Peter managed to get out.
"Then come on." Sirius said motioning for Peter to follow though he was sure Peter couldn't see a hand in front of his face.
Peter stumbled over clumsily to Sirius and went through the door along with him. Their shoes made a quiet clacking noise against the tile floor that echoed throughout the vast room making the atmosphere a tad bit eerie. That, along with his own heavy breathing, was all Peter could hear besides the lightning that was threatening to kill him.
"...Say something Sirius." said Peter, trying to break the silence.
"...This reminds me of a horror movie-"
"Stop talking!"
"No really, it does. In fact all good horror movies have teenagers wandering around in the dark aimlessly until some class of beast." Sirius stated matter-of-factly.
"Kind of like Scooby Doo?" Peter asked hopefully. Sirius knew he had a soft spot for stupid muggle cartoons.
"Scooby Doo is hippy porn." Sirius replied flatly.
"What?! Is not!"
"Right...they're always riding around in the broke down Volkswagen truck with a mysterious fog wafting from the suspiciously large back seat where Scooby, Shaggy, and Velma sit there all alone most of the time with their little munchies-"
"That doesn't mean its porn!"
"What do you think Daphne and Fred are doing when the gang 'splits up'?"
"...Good point."
"...So Petey, what's your favorite scary movie?" Sirius croaked in a purposely creepy voice.
"Sirius don't!"
"What? Just making conversation..."
"I don't like scary movies!"
"Oh...My favorite is that one with um...John Travolta and err, that Australian chick, they spend all summer on the beach doing it and crap, and then they go back to school and sing about...grease lightning and all that crap, and he's a greaser and she's a regular Tina Tightbox...and err, he acts like a James in front of his friends so she hates him...and in the end they resolve all their problems because the Australian chick becomes a whore-"
"Grease? That's not a scary movie!" Peter said to his babbling friend.
"Puh. You haven't seen John Travolta try to hit those high notes...he sounds like someone hitting a violin over a baby." Sirius replied grinning to his little friend.
James couldn't believe his rotten luck. First, Remus got all pissy and clobbered him with things after totally trashing his dorm, then his friends abandoned him yet again, he would probably have to get his eyes scolded by boiling water to cleanse his eye of the scene he had witnessed in Chester's class, he had almost got his ass beat by Severus Snape of all people, and Lily had run off with his invisibility cloak.
But the last one wasn't so bad, he thought. Now he had a legitimate reason to follow Lily. That's how he found himself where he was now, out on the dark Hogwarts grounds. The moist air whipped his face as he stared up at the half cloudless night sky intently.
"A storm's a-brewin'..."he noted to himself as he stumbled around aimlessly through the night searching for Lily. He was positive he saw a few of her ginger hairs which had neglected to be covered by the cloak, drift out here. He was even more sure when he saw that she left one of the double doors leading outside cracked open a bit, as if she had wanted him to follow, though part of his brain highly doubted that.
"Evans!" James called out as he walked towards the edge of the lake under his favorite tree. Only the swift whistling of the wind answered him back though.
"Eeeevvvvvaaaaaaannnnnsssssss!!!-" James started out before a hand clamped over his mouth quickly. An invisible hand.
"Keep your voice down, will you?" Lily hissed sharply, drawing down the hood of the cloak, revealing her head. Her face was pink from the brisk chill of the wind slapping against her face and she never looked more beautiful according to James.
He let out a delighted squeal that sounded suspiciously like 'Lily Dear, you've come back to me!' as Lily rolled her eyes.
"I've told you not to call me Lily Dear as much as you've told Snape not to call me Mudblood..." she mumbled, allowing her hand to rest over James's warm mouth for a moment longer. Right up until the point where James took a chance and ran his moist tongue briefly over the palm of Lily's hand.
"Eww!" she squealed as she rubbed her hand frantically against the front of James's shirt, as if trying to give him back any of his germs.
"Why you-" she growled as she drew her flat palm back and towards James face before pausing abruptly as James winced and grabbed out for her hand.
"Please, don't you think I've taken enough beatings for you for this evening?" James questioned as Lily's hand fell slowly back to her side.
"I didn't ask you to beat up Snape! You think I wanted you to get hurt?" Lily screeched out defensively.
"...Is that a trick question?" James asked genuinely confused.
Lily sighed as she plopped down on the edge of the vast lake.
"Just look at you! You're a mess!" She exclaimed at James who just stood above her grinning blankly as if he was in a trance. His hair seemed more dishelved than usual but that could've just been from him ruffling his own hair and not the fight. There was a trail of dried blood seeping under his nose along with a few bruises that had already started to form. And from what Lily could see on is arm through his torn sleeve there was...a bite mark?
"He bit you?" Lily questioned unbelieving.
"I know, I'll have to get all my shots again..." James replied jokingly as he gingerly sat down on the waters front like Lily. Lily couldn't help but crack a smile at his light attitude, but this smile faded away slightly when she realized how close he was scooting over the grass towards her.
"No." Lily stated flatly.
"No
what? I can't sit here?"
"No." Lily repeated making a shooing motion with her hands.
"Let me get this straight, I rescue you from the Snivellus's wrath-"
Lily let out a short derisive noise. That had hardly been a wrath. More like a moron fumbling around a dark closet with the delusion that any woman besides his mother could ever want him.
"-You run off with my cloak, and now I'm not allowed to sit within a foot of you?" James finished, staring at Lily. Lily looked considerate for a moment before se responded.
"That is correct." Lily stated flatly. James stared at her with his usual cocky grin before replanting himself in his sitting position. He saw the pondering stare he was getting from Lily and answered her silent question.
"This is eleven inches and 3/4, not a foot, Lily Dear," James replied grinning at her.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Lily exclaimed throwing up her arms.
"How many times have I called you that?"
"Every time I get stuck with you alone or about...43,9976 times!" Lily announced to a shocked James. He didn't expect her to keep count.
"Then...43,9977 times, Sweetheart," James replied, folding his palms behind his head to lay on his back facing the dreary sky. The clouds had finally managed to drift half way over the lake but there was no lightning...yet.
Lily didn't even bother to correct him when he called her Sweetheart because she knew he would manage to turn that into something too. That's just the way James is....
'Eww! I thought of him as James...'
"Aren't you cold?" James wondered, an expression of worry clouding his hazel eyes.
"I like the cold!" Lily said indignantly, allowing James's invisibility cloak to slide further down, stopping at her waist.
"What are you doing out here anyway?" James asked her as he eyed her oddly. Lily could swear he was blushing.
"I need fresh air. Being locked in a closet with a burnt to a crisp Snape is not fun." Lily stated matter-of-factly.
"Being anywhere with Snape isn't fun..."
'What does James have against Snape anyway? Let's see, I think of Snape as Snape still but Potter is James...What the heck?! Let me test my skills...Black, Pettigrew, Remus-oh no! Oh wait, I always called him by his first name...So what is it with James? Ah, did it again!'
Lily thought with a disturbed sneer. She stared warily at her torturer, her stalker, her luster, her tormentor, her defender, her...James as he lay sprawled out on his back. But he wasn't staring back. His concentration was somewhere else. Lily followed his determined glance down to somewhere beneath his midsection which was hidden underneath his cloak. One of his hands were under there, somewhat hidden from her view as well. There was a swift up and down motion going on under there and Lily could only guess what that meant he was doing. Lily's eyes filled with first horror, laughter, then with disgust as she flew up to her feet.
"That's-you're-It's-Stop! That's disgusting!" she said to James who just looked up at her in surprise as if he didn't have a clue as to what she was talking about.
"What?" James asked genuinely curious.
"Like you don't know. You can't just do that crap in public!"
"...I can't polish my glasses?" James asked, with his usual grin spread on his face.
"Wha-?" Lily asked before James whipped back the flap of his cloak to reveal his other hand clutching his glasses by the lens with a paper towel as if he had been polishing them. Lily felt the heat rising throughout her face as James let out a cackling chuckle.
"Dirty mind you've got there Miss Evans."
"Oh...Shut it Ja-Potter. Who knows what I should expect from you?" Lily replied as she took her seat once again.
"Tell me something." James said to her as he scooted 1/4 of an inch closer to Lily unnoticed.
"What?"
"You think about me doing dirty things often?" James questioned in a voice that just screamed lewd. He wagged his eyebrows suggestively as Lily buried her face in her invisible lap, apparently trying to hide the blush she was sure James noticed.
"You're not gonna live this down, are you?" her muffled voice questioned.
James managed to take this opportune moment to scoot about two inches closer.
"I can tell you, I imagine you doing-" James started to say before Lily stopped him.
"Don't tell me."
"There's this one dream where Sirius and Remus are eunuchs-"
"Stop, right there!" Lily said raising her extremely red face from her lap and clamping James's mouth shut yet again. She again realized her earlier mistake and allowed her hand to fly off of his mouth.
"Aw, come all. We all think about stuff like that sometime." James replied grinning as she put a comforting arm around Lily, which she quickly pushed off.
"You sound like my mother."
"...Pretty deep voice for a lady."
Lily looked up at James with an unreadable expression on her face before letting out a short giggle.
"You're so odd James-Eek!" Lily squealed as she heard what had escaped her lips. This didn't pass James Potter though.
"You called me James!" He exclaimed smugly.
"So, I call Remus Remus!" Lily said trying to make little of the matter.
"But, I'm not a Prefect or a Goody two shoes so it counts!"
"...What's the big deal?" Lily questioned James figuring she couldn't argue with his logic.
"You never called me by my first name before!"
"I have! That...one time...on the train in first year...before you and your moronic friend blew up my cat Snuffles!"
"We blew up your cat?" James asked as he cocked his eyebrow trying to remember the distant memory.
"Yes! How can you forget something like destroying a cat?!"
"...Oh...Sirius was betting me there was no side effect to putting a wet start firecracker in soda. So really it was his fault." James reassured her.
"Puh!" Lily let out a frustrated noise as she returned her gaze to the water that the lightning was beginning to illuminate.
"Lily?"
"What, Potter?" she snapped back.
"Is that why you hate me now?" he questioned softly as he stared at her with the most pitiful look in his usually haughty eyes. Lily glared back at him but then he began to get to her. Her expression softened as she extended a slow, trembling, arm.
"I don't hate you..." she muttered grudgingly.
She'd love to tell Potter she hated him and that he would never have a chance with her like she had been doing for a year now but she just couldn't. Everything seemed slightly different now. He wasn't around his friends pulling stupid pranks, he wasn't torturing Snape, he was just sitting there with dried blood coming from his nose making him look even more venerable and pathetic than he really was.
"You don't?"
"No, I hate the way you act around people." Lily stated matter-of-factly, "Now will you please clean yourself up? You look-"
"Pathetic?" James asked with a trace of his usual cocky grin on the corner of his mouth. He crawled towards the water as the lightning crashed somewhere near them. He simply ignored it as he lapped up water onto his face, shook his head in a dog-like manner (too much hanging around Sirius!), and looked to Lily for approval. She simply rolled her eyes and went up close to him and turned his head to face hers.
"It's dry. You have to clean it like this!" Lily grunted as she took out a piece of crumpled parchment from her breast pocket and rubbed it roughly against James's face as if he were scrubbing a floor and not a human.
"Ow! Don't be so rough!" James whined helplessly as Lily sighed exasperatly and threw the parchment down in his lap out of frustration.
"Ah, don't be a baby." she whispered in a low voice as she dipped his sleeve in the icy lake yet again. But this time she went about rubbing his face slower and a more sensitive manner. Finally she pulled the shred of his sleeve back to reveal a slightly pink but clean nonetheless James Potter.
"There!" Lily said satisfied with her work.
"How do I look?"
"...Like James Potter." Lily could have sworn that in the dark, if she was about three more feet away from him, and if the lightning lit his face in the perfect angle he would look somewhat attractive to her. And as if James could read her thoughts, his suggestive grin resurfaced. She shuttered involuntarily as she thrust herself up on her feet. She tossed James's cloak down to his lap where he stared at it before glancing back at her.
"Where you going?" James questioned her as the sky lit up once more. By now, the dark clouds had rolled completely over to Hogwarts and a light drizzle was spraying their faces.
"It's raining. I'm going to bed." She stated briskly.
"NO!" James exclaimed as if he were forbidding this moment.
"Why not?" Lily asked as she turned back to face him
"Because...Prefect Lily, if you leave me, an unattended, stupid student, all alone in the dark grounds in a lightning storm where you led me things could turn out pretty ugly." James replied in a mock serious tone that made the corners of Lily's mouth twitch as if she was going to smile at him.
"Plus," James continued as he shook his damp hair out like a dog again, "Water conducts electricity and who knows what could go down if I'm soaking wet?" He said, pointing to the distant lightning.
Maybe it was the way he was grinning at her like an idiot, or the way his eyes were just screaming in their own pathetic way for her not to abandon him, or maybe it was the slight chance of him getting fried to a crisp by lightning, but it was something that made Lily take a seat on the patch of grass where James was patting eagerly motioning for her to sit down. The patch of grass only five inches from him.
"Well, should we add this to your wall of stupid ideas Peter?" Sirius snapped as he and Peter entered the last room on the fifth floor. It was a vast and of course, empty, music room (It exists! Check on the Harry Potter gameboy video game!) Filled with various, bulky instruments. This room was by far the largest as Sirius could see. It also looked as if a storm had gone through there. Instruments were scattered everywhere in the midst of sheet music and...Chocolate bar wrappers?
"Remus tracks!" Peter exclaimed triumphantly as he bent down to pick up a wrapper. Sirius quickly snatched it from his hand.
"It's cold. He hasn't been here for a long time."
"Remus would never leave someplace a mess, especially a classroom." Peter pointed out. He shuddered notably as lightning crashed somewhere outside. His jitters had only gotten worse when the rain started pattering at the window.
"...Maybe it wasn't him...maybe it was some other...creature..." Sirius said in a low croaky voice, obviously trying to scare Peter.
"No, it wasn't! He's up here I'm sure!" Peter said sounding more like he wanted to convince himself more than Sirius.
"If only we had some kind of Remus bait..."
"If only we had Kevin." Peter said forlornly. "Kevin's the only one that can control him without pissing him off, unlike any of us..."
Sirius threw up his arms in an exasperate manner.
"Well Kevin's just the key to evening isn't he? He has our map, you wand, Remus control skills-Might as well go down to Hogsmeade and purchase a bite-size version of him to carry around in my pocket!" Sirius exclaimed in a voice that dripped with sarcasm.
"You're just jealous!" Peter accused.
"Of what?! Wafting around the castle spitting out songs that everyone except Sirius can understand?!"
"...Yes?"
"...You know this reminds me of an urban legend I saw in a scary movie..." Sirius started saying.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it; please don't tell me a scary story!"
"Anyway, there's this scary lady that appears in a mirror to kill you if you say her name five times-" Sirius continued anyway.
"Why does that remind you of Kevin?" Peter asked in curiosity.
"Because, 30 years ago a freaky kid who couldn't do anything but sing was chased in here by a big green snake-like monster and eaten! And ever since then on dark stormy night like this if you call his name five times in the music room he'll reappear and...Sing for you." Sirius finished in an uncertain, but scary nonetheless voice to a whimpering, cowering Peter who had obviously bought every word.
"What was his name?" Peter managed to squeak out in a voice barely above a whisper. This question caught Sirius off guard.
"Err...Joey...Jackson...Singsalot...Bilbo...Shaggins Jr?" Sirius suggested shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, Joey Jackson Singsalot Bilbo Shaggins Jr."
"Eek!" Peter squealed as if the dead guy would lurch out and get him if he heard his name. "You said it twice!"
"Did I? I really said Joey Jackson Singsalot Bilbo Shaggins Jr. two times? Imagine that." Sirius said offhandedly as he and Peter drifted around the music room aimlessly.
"You said it again!"
"What? Joey Jackson Singsalot Bilbo Shaggins Jr.?"
"Yes, that!"
"Let's just hope I don't say Joey Jackson Singsalot Bilbo Shaggins Jr. again..." Sirius whispered as Peter stopped dead in his tracks and pointed ahead at the door. His mouth was flopping open and closed as if he were a fish out of water. Sirius stared back at his pale friend suspiciously.
"Peter, it was a joke. Calm down."
Sirius knew something was seriously wrong when lightning crashed somewhere outside and Peter didn't even respond.
"D-Door." Peter whispered darkly.
Sirius turned his head towards the light rattling noises that were coming from the door leading too the hall. Something was turning the knob on the outside trying to get in.
"Holy s-" Sirius started but was interrupted by the door flying open roughly as someone stepped into the dark room.
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" Peter wailed before taking off in the opposite direction heading for the Muggle Workshop class.
"Ahhhh! We're gonna die! "Sirius hollered as he followed Peter's suit in running for the door. Peter struggled for the door to open but as soon as he did the sight that greeted him was not much better than the other door.
"Sirius! Peter!" a deep voice shouted.
"It knows our names!!!!!!" Peter wailed yet again, taking cover under a desk.
"...Will you idiots shut the hell up?" an annoyed female voice said from the front of the classroom.
"Wait a minute." Peter said sticking his head out from Sirius's cloak. Lightning illuminated the room for a brief second and he was able to make out two human figures standing at different ends of the classroom.
"Remus!" Peter exclaimed as he rushed up to his friend to envelop him in a bone crushing hug. Remus looked down oddly at his friend before patting him on his head awkwardly.
"Peter." he said flatly.
"Oh great." the female voice muttered softly. "What are you idiots doing up here anyway?"
"Oh no, I'd recognize that voice from anywhere-"
"Lynn! You came to save us!" Peter exclaimed merrily as he clung to Remus who had gone stiff as a board upon the mention of Lynn's name.
"Oh not this broad..." Sirius muttered to himself before the sound of something heavy landing n his head rang through the room.
"What are you doing here Lynn?" Remus asked softly as he attempted to pry Peter off of him.
"Some guy who called himself J. Travolta wrote me a note telling me to meet him up here." she replied attempting to make her voice offhanded.
Remus let out a small whimpering sound as Sirius snorted.
"Yup, scary tower, lightning, John Travolta, didn't I tell you Grease was a horror movie Peter?"
As if on cue a guitar sounded off from the music room.
"Stranded at the drive-in..." a lofty voice wavered in.
"What the heck?" Both Remus and Lysandra said in unison as Peter just let out a dramatic gasp.
"It's him!"
"Who?"
"Branded...a fool..."
"Joey Jackson Singsalot Bilbo Shaggins Jr.!" Peter announced.
"...Sirius, have you been telling him scary stories?"
"What will they say..."
"I've heard this song before..."
"Monday at school..."
After this line some more instruments started up a quite familiar tune.
"It's coming from the music room!" Lynn exclaimed as she crept closer to the door.
"Great deduction Watson..." Sirius muttered.
"Shut up Sirius." Remus replied automatically. He trailed behind Lynn as she drifted through the door back into the "haunted" music room followed closely by Peter and a disgruntled Sirius.
The sight that met them made them stop dead in their tracks and stare up at the pedestal that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Various instruments seemed to be charmed to play by themselves stringing a slow tune. Towards the ceiling a lit up wand shone through what looked to be one of the strainers that the kitchen elves had prepared spaghetti noodles in for Peter's snack earlier. The light through the many holes created a spotted glow that illuminated the entire room making it appear as a cheesy school dance. And there sitting on the pedestal was none other than-
"Now, where the hell did you come from?!" Sirius exclaimed clearly outraged at his fifth roommate Kevin Gregory as he teetered on the edge of the pedestal.
"Sandy, can't you see, I'm in misery..."
"Oh, no, not this song..." Sirius worded as he backed away.
"Who the heck is Sandy?" Peter wondered out loud.
"I remember this song! It's from that movie we saw over the summer Remmie!" (I know Grease came out in '78 but I couldn't resist) Lynn said before realizing she had just fraternized with the enemy.
"We made a start, now were apart, there's nothing left for me..." Kevin continued.
"This is our song. The one from the drive-in..." Remus remarked somewhat sadly as he stared at the ceiling.
"Love has flown, all alone-" Kevin sang as he walked towards the group. He stood between Remus and Lynn, placing a hand on both of their shoulders.
"Here comes that stupid note." Sirius muttered looking away.
"He sits, he wonders why-y-y-"
"Eww..."
"Oh why, you left him, oh Sandy..." Kevin continued speaking to Lynn and Remus ignoring Sirius's remarks from the floor.
"Err, because he cheated on me with that-that-that-thing." Lynn managed to get out in a disgusted tone pointing to Sirius.
"Uh oh. Shit's flying towards the fan..." Sirius said as he backed up towards the door, ready to make a speedy escape.
"What do you mean?! I'm not gay, and even if I was, I could do better...!-"
"Hey!"
"Who
told you I was gay?"
"Cynthia said Sirius told her and usually when she says she saw something and there's no middle man involved it's somewhat true! Plus Sirius showed up with you to Hogsmeade dressed like Keith Partridge on LSD-"
"And it has hit." Sirius commented.
"Oh, Sandy baby, someday, when High-yi-"
"Argh!"
"School is done, somehow, some day our two worlds will be one..." Kevin sang as he brought their hands together.
"Kevin, you traitor! He just used me so he would have an excuse to dress like some Village People reject!" Sirius announced furiously.
"Oh this is so romantic!" Peter sighed dreamily.
"Who's side are you on?!" Sirius questioned suspiciously.
"So, can't we just pretend Sirius wasn't a real jackass and start over?" Remus questioned as he brought his other hand to meet Lynn's as well.
"Oh my-y-y goodness, I'm gonna barf. So...much...fluffiness...can't breathe!" Sirius choked out as Remus and Lynn began to slow dance.
"Fall down to the floor so we're sure." Lynn spat nastily to him.
"How sweet." Peter replied happily. He'd rather watch a romance over a horror flick any day.
"In heaven forever and ever we will be...oh please say you'll stay, oh Sandy..."
"Don't worry; I'll do anything to make Sirius's life a living hell." Lynn stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh hot dammit." Sirius replied snapping his fingers. "You know what part comes next? Remus I swear if you-"
"Sandy, my darling, you hurt me real bad, you know it's true-" Remus started as he narrowed his eyes at Sirius.
"I can't believe he's doing this..." Sirius replied slapping his forehead.
"But baby, you gotta believe me when I say, I'm helpless without you." Remus finished returning his attention to Lynn.
"I can't take this anymore. I'm leaving!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Love has flown all alone, I sit, I wonder-"
"Before he does it again-"
"Why-y-y-"
Sirius slammed the door quickly behind before he could here yet another one of Kevin's eerily accurate impressions of a John Travolta wail.
"Well, that's one of my genius plans screwed over. I wonder what's happened to Jamie-poo..." Sirius thought aloud as he dashed down the stairs anxious not to be spotted by Filch.
"Potter-I mean, James," Lily shouted over the lightning as they strolled towards the castle shielded from the rain under James's invisibility cloak. This didn't really do anything as they were already drenched.
"Yeah?" James responded.
"What's the purpose of the cloak if were already wet?"
"What?"
"What's the-"
"Can't hear you." James replied as he grinned in his mirthful way making Lily steam. She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged his arms down; making the invisibility cloak he was holding over them as a makeshift tent fall to the ground.
"Maybe it would be smarter if we just made a run for the castle!" James said after pondering her action for a while.
"Good idea." Lily replied sarcastically.
"Come on!" James exclaimed as he tugged on Lily's sopping wet sleeve and dragged her across the grounds. Lightning illuminated the sky briefly just so Lily could catch a glimpse at James carefree face. In fact, even though he was cold, drenched, and had a good chance of being struck by lightning or even getting sick the next day he actually seemed to be enjoying himself.
'...He's an odd one, this Potter.' Lily thought at the boy's odd behavior. 'Though he's a total idiot, he can be sweet in his on little idiotic way I'll admit...' she thought almost grudgingly. Meanwhile, James was having his own little thoughts.
'...My hair looks even better now that it's wet.'
Sirius came bounding down the main staircase, still trying to shake the Grease and Lynn affiliated thoughts out of his head...literally. You can only guess how surprised he was when he reached the bottom landing and was met with two totally soaked figures just stepping into the entry hall. I can't even begin to tell you how surprised he was to see that one of the figures, the shorter red head one, had a dripping invisibility cloak in tow.
"...James?" James eyes zipped through the dark room towards the grand staircase where his eyes focused on none other than his best friend Sirius Black.
"Err, Sirius."
Sirius looked besides James to the figure standing next to him staring back like a deer caught in the headlights with her brilliant emerald green eyes.
"Evans?"
"Black." she replied flatly attempting to avoid his stare.
"James?" Sirius repeated in a questioning tone motioning at Lily.
"Sirius." James reprimanded through clenched teeth silently warning his friend not to say anything stupid.
"Evans!" Sirius said again raising his eyebrows to James.
"Black." Lily repeated in a warning tone.
Sirius's eye darted back and forth between Lily and James for a while before he paused and let a slightly perverted smile to creep up to his face.
"James." Sirius said in a sly tone, waggling his thick eyebrows suggestively.
"Black!" Lily scolded as color spread to her cheeks yet again
"Oh, Sirius." James muttered with a slight grin on his face as he slapped his hand to his forehead.
"James!" Lily gasped out turning to face him.
"James?" Sirius questioned with a smirk playing on his handsome face.
"Argh...Potter!" Lily corrected herself as she rushed pass Sirius and made her way up the stairs swiftly managing to avoid eye contact with any of them but James could still see a bitter scowl etched onto her beautiful face, the look she normally gave to him.
"Lily?" he squeaked out to her, pleading silently making her turn sharply on the staircase and glare at him hatefully.
"Evans, Potter. Evans." Lily corrected through gritted teeth with a note of brief sadness evident in her voice before she continued dashing up he stairs on her way to Gryffindor tower. James watched her hopelessly until she was out of view before turning to Sirius who looked as if he didn't have the slightest idea at what was going on.
"Argh! Sirius!" was the last thing he uttered before tramping up the staircase in a similar fashion to Lily, ignoring Sirius as he tried to reason with him.
"......Was it something I said?" Sirius questioned the empty corridor.
AN- I finished with this chapter finally! I wrote like three different versions of his chapter, the other two dealing with rumbles in the Prefect's bathroom... (Don't ask, for sake of all our sanity) Anyway, don't be afraid to drop a review my way.
Note Status- Hehehehe…James has it now…