11. Cry of the Battered


"No you're not," I whispered. I hugged him tight, pulling his form into my lap. Never had
he seemed so small. Somehow, my mind understood what he needed. It was a new mission
and a new undertaking. "You aren't damned. Duo, war has casualties. All we can do is
carry out our missions and try not to get hurt too badly on our way out. Life scars
everyone."

"War is the thing that is evil. War is the thing that is dirty," I continued when I got no
response from him.

"You're saying I'm just a victim," Duo mumbled. He touched my face, memorizing my
features once more. I felt slender fingers ease down my face and stared into the eyes of a
Botticelli creation.

"Yes," I nodded. "War hurt you. Poverty touched you. Be angry at them and don't be
angry with yourself. You want control. Why? People die Duo. People we love will die."

Duo stared at the direction he thought I was and my heart broke as I grabbed his jaw and
gently altered his direction. He spoke slowly, "I loved them so much."

"Yes," I said. "But, they're in Heaven, ne?"

"Do you believe in Heaven, Heero?" he asked.

"I'll look into it," I mumbled and he laughed. It was a welcome sound.

"Those men took control from me, Heero. Just like... just like Death took those away
from me that made me happy. They took me from all that I cared. You guys are the family
I have left. That's all. They wanted me to hurt you. They wanted me to.... they hurt me."

Duo eased into my hug easier than I expected. Arms curled around me and played with the
small of my back as he rested his head on my shoulder. A whisper eased out of his mouth,
"They hurt me. They used me. I'm sick of being a pawn. For once, I want to be the
player."

"Show them."

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

"Don't let what they did to you control you. You can't be tainted by them... you still have
your innocence," I whispered. "People just can't stop trying to take it from you."

"Heero... I just need time. I'm filthy. Used. They tried to use me to hurt you. They
thought... they thought I wasn't human. Did war make me such a monster? I hate myself,"
he nodded. "I... how can I explain what I feel?"

I kissed the top of his head, "Sometimes you can't. But, either way, I know."