Told you I would update soon!
"Why?"
"uhhhh"
"Why?"
"Uhhhh"
"Wh…"
"I was gonna come see you… uh, but… you were out!"
"You were asleep down there before I went out!"
"I was, ohh… ok."
"You didn't check if I was out or not!"
"You're right, I didn't, I just needed to get my head together first… and I guess I fell asleep."
"Getting your head together? For what?"
He exhaled a loud breath. "Sara" his tone was pleading.
Sara felt her resolve weakening, but she had to know. "For what Grissom?"
"I don't know"
"What about all those other days? Were you getting your head together then too."
Grissom felt that he had been punched. "You saw me?"
"I noticed a car like yours… I just didn't know if it was you for sure…until today, that is."
"Oh" What was left to say to her? He again exhaled loudly. "I…I…I come to relax…before I go home."
"What?" Did she hear him right? "You come sit outside my apartment to relax?"
"Uhh yeah." He had never felt more sheepish in his life. Time to explain. "Ok, for some people looking at fish swimming in a tank, or a waterfall, or sports help them to relax. I come here."
"What's so special about here.?"
He had never been asked an easier question in his life, he answered immediately "You"
Sara became a little bemused, like 'since I met you' she had another Grissom zinger to deal with. What did this one mean? He felt relaxed around here? "You don't exactly give the impression of being relaxed at work you know"
He again chuckled to himself. "I'm not relaxed at work, out there, here, isn't work."
"I don't know what you mean"
"I can't relax around you at work, it's too dangerous. I mean, I need to be on guard from myself, if I felt relaxed, I could loose control, I might do something…compromising!"
"Compromising… like what?"
"Like all the things that I think about when I see you. Things that when I am relaxed I wouldn't question. Things that could destroy our careers."
Sara was beginning to become frustrated by the lack of clarity in his answers. She raised her voice a little. "Things? Grissom, what things"
"When you asked me to dinner, I wasn't ready to relax outside of work…There were still elements that I could not control…They are no longer an issue. Now…now… life outside of work… It's impossible to relax without you there."
"I don't get it Grissom. You couldn't have dinner with me because weren't in control of something, now you are so you sit outside my place."
"It sounds pretty lame when you say it like that."
"What's changed? Why didn't you tell me when it did?"
"What's changed is that I won't drag you down now. Why didn't I tell you? I don't know! Fear I guess."
Sara's exasperation was pushing her ever closer to tears of frustration. "Fear of what Grissom? Having dinner with me?"
He could feel her frustration, he couldn't bear to see her cry because of him. "Lot's of reasons Sara. Fear of what could be. Fear of not meeting your expectations. Fear of having misunderstood your intentions. Fear of being TOO LATE."
TBC more v.v. soon