Disclaimer: Okay, I know I messed up completely with the whole 'flame turned into an ice rose' bit in part one. My only excuse is I've seen the first movie once and that's it. So, just pretend that it happened the way John said, K?
More problems on the John/Rogue/Bobby front. *sigh* I just can't see Bobby and Rogue together. I've tried to imagine it, had a movie to help me, but I'm afraid I'm stuck firmly in the Ryro camp.
Here's part 2, enjoy! I don't own X-Men, Marvel, or anything else used in this fic.
Please read then leave a review!
Third Wheel.
~~~
Chapter 2: Addiction.
~~~
Addiction: 1. a) Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit- forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
b) An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.
2. a) The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
b)An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.
That's what how my dictionary defines addiction. It's called "The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition.", so it should know what it's talking about. It makes addiction sound so clinical, so cold.
It doesn't describe the tingly feeling you get when you know you'll about to get another dose. It doesn't describe the way your blood pumps round you as you are fulfilling your need, of the way all you can hear is your heart beat. Or of the amazing rush you feel, making you think anything is possible.
It doesn't describe the way the feel coming down off a high, the depressed feeling and utter helplessness. It doesn't describe the constant need to have more or the damage an addiction can do to you.
It doesn't describe John.
There. I said it. I am addicted to St. John Allardyce. That wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for two things. One I already have a boyfriend, someone I love, Bobby. And two, being addicted to John is bad for my health.
John's here you know, all the time. He's here inside my head. As are Logan and Erik. Along with my first boyfriend, David and Bobby himself. They would all talk at once, chattering away, refusing to shut up. Erik would try and convince me to join with him, while Logan would try and protect me. My first boyfriend, David mostly hid in a conner in my mind, whimpering quietly to himself.
I really loved him you know? Then my powers erupted and I drained most of his memories into me. And I found out something terrible. My boyfriend, the shy, sweet guy I thought I knew was planning to have sex with me then brag about it before dumping me.
Then I kissed Bobby. He lives in a small corner of my mind, not trying to interfere with the battles that go on in my head. He just sits on the sidelines. It not that doesn't love me. It's just that he is neutral, and he doesn't want to fight, being a passive kind of guy.
Then I grabbed John's leg. And now, I understand him so much more. I understood why he was the way he was, why he flicked his lighter and why he attached himself to mine and Bobby's dates.
Before I touched John, I was in love with him. No love is too strong a word. I don't know how I would describe what I felt for John. It... it was like a keen sense that I was missing something in my life, that there was a void inside of me and somehow, John knew how to fill it.
I suppose you could say I was addicted to him even then. It wasn't a full blown addiction though, because I had never touched him, never tasted the forbidden fruit. Before I touched John he was just a strong longing. A desire to have something untouchable.
After I touched John, I knew why he loved his power so much, I knew why he fought against everything the mansion and Xavier stood for. The fire in him gave him power, the sense of being a leader. He could use his power to protect those he cared about.
Something he failed to do before his powers emerged. I saw his early life flash before me, I saw what his home was like. And then I knew. I felt something hit me inside, a warm, sickly feeling that seemed to encompass everything I knew. It was... love.
But not my love. Love for me. John loved me.
I almost let go of him leg in shock. He had never given me any indication that he was even mildly interested in me so to find out he was head over heels, completely in love with me was a shock to say the least. He is a much stronger mutant that people give him credit for. After all it took me longer to drain him than it did to drain Bobby.
It was then that I became truly addicted to John. I would have given anything to feel him again, to have the flame burn inside me. I would have given up Logan, Bobby and the X-Men to be with him. All he had to do was ask.
He was going to ask me. I knew when he left the jet that he wasn't going to come back. He looked at me and I just knew. I was going to say yes, but he simply gave a sad, small smile before turning around and walking out of my life as a friend.
John died that day. There was only Pyro left after that. Pyro would always attack Bobby when the X-Men. I didn't understand it at first, after all the John in my head never wanted to really fight Bobby because if Bobby got hurt, I would get upset.
It took a few battles for me to work out that was why Pyro fought Bobby, it was to keep him safe from the rest of the Brotherhood and to keep me happy.
But it's too late now, he's chosen that way and I have chosen the other way.
The way with Bobby.
Don't get me wrong, I love Bobby, I do. Bobby is everything you could want in a boyfriend. He's kind, considerate, gentle. He always says that is doesn't matter that we can't touch, we can still show each other out love in different ways.
It became almost a game to me, working out all sorts of ways Bobby and I could almost touch, using the thinnest scarves I had to kiss though.
But it wasn't the same as fire.
I had almost been glad when John had begun to attach himself on to our dates. It would irritate Bobby but of course, he was perfect so he would never come right out and say that John was starting to irritate him. Bobby tried to drop hints though.
John isn't as stupid as he looks. I'm sure he picked up on the hints, he just chose to ignore them.
I love Bobby. Bobby and Rogue forever. Rogue loves Bobby. Rogue & Bobby 4ever. Bobby loves Rogue. Rogue loves John.
No.
Ignore the last sentence. Just focus on the truth. I love Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.
John loves me.
He loves me and I am addicted to him. And now he's gone and I can't do anything to change it. He's the baddie. Bobby and I are the goodies. That's the way it is and that's the way it has to stay. I can't even tell what I feel.
Is it lust, addiction or even, dare I think it, love?
All I want is to feel him again. All I want is to feel the fire rushing through my veins, burning me, giving me life. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do, how to do it. I just wish I knew my own heart.
It's funny that. My mother used to say that the most important thing in the world was to know your own heart. She said that it was more important than money, than jobs. It was even more important than what your brain was telling you to do.
My mother trusted her heart all her life. She followed it blindly, letting it make all her important choices in her life. Maybe her life wasn't great, I mean she lost her only daughter to mutants (That's how she thinks of me.) and she doesn't have a brilliant job. But... she's happy.
She's happy and in love.
I've always tried to follow my heart but most of the time my brain gets in the way.
//You can't do that!\\
//Come off it, you'll the good girl!\\
//You'll going to give yourself cancer smoking.\\
It was just one lousy cigarette. I'm supposed to be the good girl, the one everyone looks up to, the one people trust.
For some reason I lost my instinct to follow my heart and became known as the girl who follows her brain and I lost a lot of things because of it.
I lost John.
But I still have Bobby. And in the end, isn't that better? To have the person I love?
Do I love Bobby?
Heart, talk to me, tell me what to do.
Every time I see John I feel the urge to run over to him, to put my gloved arms around him and tell him it's okay. To tell him he doesn't have to fight anymore, that he doesn't have to hide. To tell him that I will be with him what ever he does. Even if it means joining the Brotherhood and helping the man that nearly killed me. Even if it means coming back to the mansion with John, and helping him fit back in.
Even if it means leaving both of those choices behind and going away on our own.
Is that my heart talking? Is it screaming at me, telling me what to do and I just refuse to see it? I seem to have a lot of questions and so few answers.
Bobby doesn't talk about John anymore, it's like he doesn't exist in his head. If he has to mention him, he calls him Pyro. It's as if John's dead and only Pyro is left. I suppose it made it easier for Bobby to come to terms with the fact his best friend betrayed him.
I can't run over to John, I can't put my arms around him and tell him it's okay, because it's not. I don't think it will ever be okay. I'm going to stay with Bobby. I'm going to forget John in the same way Bobby did. That way my heart can't scream at me to do something.
John is gone, he's as good as dead. Only Pyro is left. Pyro is evil.
I have a boyfriend who loves me and other friends who care about me. I don't need John, I don't need an unhealthily addiction.
Still...
I think I'll change that dictionary entry that describes addiction. If Bobby ever sees it, I can just tell him John must have done it as a joke before he left.
Addiction: 1. a) Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit- forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
b) An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.
2. a) The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
b)An instance of this: had/has an addiction for St. John Allardyce.
~~~
So there you have it, Rogue's feelings on the subject. Just Bobby left... Check back soon for part 3!
~Sethoz
More problems on the John/Rogue/Bobby front. *sigh* I just can't see Bobby and Rogue together. I've tried to imagine it, had a movie to help me, but I'm afraid I'm stuck firmly in the Ryro camp.
Here's part 2, enjoy! I don't own X-Men, Marvel, or anything else used in this fic.
Please read then leave a review!
Third Wheel.
~~~
Chapter 2: Addiction.
~~~
Addiction: 1. a) Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit- forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
b) An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.
2. a) The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
b)An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.
That's what how my dictionary defines addiction. It's called "The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition.", so it should know what it's talking about. It makes addiction sound so clinical, so cold.
It doesn't describe the tingly feeling you get when you know you'll about to get another dose. It doesn't describe the way your blood pumps round you as you are fulfilling your need, of the way all you can hear is your heart beat. Or of the amazing rush you feel, making you think anything is possible.
It doesn't describe the way the feel coming down off a high, the depressed feeling and utter helplessness. It doesn't describe the constant need to have more or the damage an addiction can do to you.
It doesn't describe John.
There. I said it. I am addicted to St. John Allardyce. That wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for two things. One I already have a boyfriend, someone I love, Bobby. And two, being addicted to John is bad for my health.
John's here you know, all the time. He's here inside my head. As are Logan and Erik. Along with my first boyfriend, David and Bobby himself. They would all talk at once, chattering away, refusing to shut up. Erik would try and convince me to join with him, while Logan would try and protect me. My first boyfriend, David mostly hid in a conner in my mind, whimpering quietly to himself.
I really loved him you know? Then my powers erupted and I drained most of his memories into me. And I found out something terrible. My boyfriend, the shy, sweet guy I thought I knew was planning to have sex with me then brag about it before dumping me.
Then I kissed Bobby. He lives in a small corner of my mind, not trying to interfere with the battles that go on in my head. He just sits on the sidelines. It not that doesn't love me. It's just that he is neutral, and he doesn't want to fight, being a passive kind of guy.
Then I grabbed John's leg. And now, I understand him so much more. I understood why he was the way he was, why he flicked his lighter and why he attached himself to mine and Bobby's dates.
Before I touched John, I was in love with him. No love is too strong a word. I don't know how I would describe what I felt for John. It... it was like a keen sense that I was missing something in my life, that there was a void inside of me and somehow, John knew how to fill it.
I suppose you could say I was addicted to him even then. It wasn't a full blown addiction though, because I had never touched him, never tasted the forbidden fruit. Before I touched John he was just a strong longing. A desire to have something untouchable.
After I touched John, I knew why he loved his power so much, I knew why he fought against everything the mansion and Xavier stood for. The fire in him gave him power, the sense of being a leader. He could use his power to protect those he cared about.
Something he failed to do before his powers emerged. I saw his early life flash before me, I saw what his home was like. And then I knew. I felt something hit me inside, a warm, sickly feeling that seemed to encompass everything I knew. It was... love.
But not my love. Love for me. John loved me.
I almost let go of him leg in shock. He had never given me any indication that he was even mildly interested in me so to find out he was head over heels, completely in love with me was a shock to say the least. He is a much stronger mutant that people give him credit for. After all it took me longer to drain him than it did to drain Bobby.
It was then that I became truly addicted to John. I would have given anything to feel him again, to have the flame burn inside me. I would have given up Logan, Bobby and the X-Men to be with him. All he had to do was ask.
He was going to ask me. I knew when he left the jet that he wasn't going to come back. He looked at me and I just knew. I was going to say yes, but he simply gave a sad, small smile before turning around and walking out of my life as a friend.
John died that day. There was only Pyro left after that. Pyro would always attack Bobby when the X-Men. I didn't understand it at first, after all the John in my head never wanted to really fight Bobby because if Bobby got hurt, I would get upset.
It took a few battles for me to work out that was why Pyro fought Bobby, it was to keep him safe from the rest of the Brotherhood and to keep me happy.
But it's too late now, he's chosen that way and I have chosen the other way.
The way with Bobby.
Don't get me wrong, I love Bobby, I do. Bobby is everything you could want in a boyfriend. He's kind, considerate, gentle. He always says that is doesn't matter that we can't touch, we can still show each other out love in different ways.
It became almost a game to me, working out all sorts of ways Bobby and I could almost touch, using the thinnest scarves I had to kiss though.
But it wasn't the same as fire.
I had almost been glad when John had begun to attach himself on to our dates. It would irritate Bobby but of course, he was perfect so he would never come right out and say that John was starting to irritate him. Bobby tried to drop hints though.
John isn't as stupid as he looks. I'm sure he picked up on the hints, he just chose to ignore them.
I love Bobby. Bobby and Rogue forever. Rogue loves Bobby. Rogue & Bobby 4ever. Bobby loves Rogue. Rogue loves John.
No.
Ignore the last sentence. Just focus on the truth. I love Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.
John loves me.
He loves me and I am addicted to him. And now he's gone and I can't do anything to change it. He's the baddie. Bobby and I are the goodies. That's the way it is and that's the way it has to stay. I can't even tell what I feel.
Is it lust, addiction or even, dare I think it, love?
All I want is to feel him again. All I want is to feel the fire rushing through my veins, burning me, giving me life. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do, how to do it. I just wish I knew my own heart.
It's funny that. My mother used to say that the most important thing in the world was to know your own heart. She said that it was more important than money, than jobs. It was even more important than what your brain was telling you to do.
My mother trusted her heart all her life. She followed it blindly, letting it make all her important choices in her life. Maybe her life wasn't great, I mean she lost her only daughter to mutants (That's how she thinks of me.) and she doesn't have a brilliant job. But... she's happy.
She's happy and in love.
I've always tried to follow my heart but most of the time my brain gets in the way.
//You can't do that!\\
//Come off it, you'll the good girl!\\
//You'll going to give yourself cancer smoking.\\
It was just one lousy cigarette. I'm supposed to be the good girl, the one everyone looks up to, the one people trust.
For some reason I lost my instinct to follow my heart and became known as the girl who follows her brain and I lost a lot of things because of it.
I lost John.
But I still have Bobby. And in the end, isn't that better? To have the person I love?
Do I love Bobby?
Heart, talk to me, tell me what to do.
Every time I see John I feel the urge to run over to him, to put my gloved arms around him and tell him it's okay. To tell him he doesn't have to fight anymore, that he doesn't have to hide. To tell him that I will be with him what ever he does. Even if it means joining the Brotherhood and helping the man that nearly killed me. Even if it means coming back to the mansion with John, and helping him fit back in.
Even if it means leaving both of those choices behind and going away on our own.
Is that my heart talking? Is it screaming at me, telling me what to do and I just refuse to see it? I seem to have a lot of questions and so few answers.
Bobby doesn't talk about John anymore, it's like he doesn't exist in his head. If he has to mention him, he calls him Pyro. It's as if John's dead and only Pyro is left. I suppose it made it easier for Bobby to come to terms with the fact his best friend betrayed him.
I can't run over to John, I can't put my arms around him and tell him it's okay, because it's not. I don't think it will ever be okay. I'm going to stay with Bobby. I'm going to forget John in the same way Bobby did. That way my heart can't scream at me to do something.
John is gone, he's as good as dead. Only Pyro is left. Pyro is evil.
I have a boyfriend who loves me and other friends who care about me. I don't need John, I don't need an unhealthily addiction.
Still...
I think I'll change that dictionary entry that describes addiction. If Bobby ever sees it, I can just tell him John must have done it as a joke before he left.
Addiction: 1. a) Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit- forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
b) An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.
2. a) The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
b)An instance of this: had/has an addiction for St. John Allardyce.
~~~
So there you have it, Rogue's feelings on the subject. Just Bobby left... Check back soon for part 3!
~Sethoz