I'm starting this chapter now because I am extremely bored and totally into the story, so I can't stop writing it… Even though I still haven't gotten 30 Reviews yet… Although that might be because it's only been 3 hours since I posted the last chapter… But since I am now totally obsessed with this story… I shall write on! And post this chapter when I get to 20 Reviews… After that I'll probably just post every 2 days… Anyways… here goes… make sure u tell me what u think and what u think I should change! Lol… O, btw thank you to the girl who suggested that I split up my paragraphs… it really helped! Hope your happy now… are these paragraphs small enough?

Later (aka, 18/10/03, 9:59)… I just restarted the chapter… I didn't like what I had written…

[[ Chapter 4 – Wedding … 2 b or Not 2 b? ]]

(A/N: This is going back to when Kel walks off, but now it's Kel View)

Kel walked down the corridor, trying desperately to stop the tears. She could feel them streaming down her face, flowing out of her eyes at an alarming rate. If she looked into a mirror right now, she would probably see a very red faced, puffy-eyed girl with below-the-shoulder length brown hair.

She looked down to avoid more curious looks. Keladry of Mindelan NEVER cried. She was the Yamani Lump. Normally, Kel would care if people saw her crying, afraid that they would convey her as weak, but at the moment, she didn't give a whit. The Lump-y side of her couldn't really understand why she was so upset. She knew that Neal was going to answer the way he did anyway. She should be glad that he still wanted her as a best friend! Deep down, she knew that it was one thing to think what his answer was going to be, but another thing to actually hear the words.

At least he knows. That's all I really wanted anyway, Peace of mind. I didn't seriously think that he loved me back, Kel thought. When she had told him the truth about her feelings for him, she had expected herself to be relieved, yet why was hurting so badly inside now?

I guess that saying, 'the truth hurts' is true.

By now, Kel had reached her room. Turning the doorknob left, she thankfully walked in before slamming the door shut behind her. She wasn't in the mood to be gentle, closing doors required too much effort.

Dropping herself into her comfortably cushioned arm chair, she let the calm side of her resign to the tears, letting them freely escape from the corners of her eyes. Would she ever stop loving Neal? She knew that a part of her heart never would, but for now, Kel was going to forget about her feelings for him and let him live happily ever after with the one he loved.

Too bad it wasn't her.

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Neal lazily rolled out of bed, his eyes heavy. Yawning, he forced himself to walk slowly to his bathroom, so that he could clean himself up. Back to the dramatics of Sir Nealan Queenscove, he thought tiredly. I swear, sometimes my life is like a bloody soap opera.

After Neal had gotten ready, he strode out of his room, and made his way down to the hall for breakfast. Contemplating how he was going to break his news, he thought about when he was going to tell Yuki.

"Neal! Wait!" A voice behind him sounded. He knew that voice all too well. Damn, he would have to tell her now! A little earlier than expected, but I'll have to do it sooner or later…  

He turned around, putting on a cheery smile, his hands fidgeting behind his back. When she finally caught up with him, he hesitantly said "Hey…How are you this morning?" As he continued to walk to the mess hall, he could feel, Yuki's hand groping for his, trying to hold it as they always did whenever they walked privately together. Instinctively, his hand tried to pull back, but he willed it to hold her hand.

"I'm good, I had a good sleep. Yesterday I got us the serviettes that are going to be at the wedding. I know you wanted blue, but they didn't have any, so I got the same design in pastel green." She said cheerfully. Her voice used to brighten his mood, but today it was irritating him for absolutely no apparent reason.

Kel would never babble on about something as petty as this in the morning, a voice inside his head commented. He frowned slightly. Wait, since when did I start to compare everything that Yuki does with Kel?

Speaking of Yuki and Kel… "Yeah, um… Yuki? About the wedding… Could I talk to you about that after Breakfast?" he said, carefully. The mood in the atmosphere changed, and Neal shifted uncomfortably. He could tell that she knew that something was wrong.

"Of course, if you want" Yuki replied, her Yamani Mask clearly visible on her face. They halted in front of the entrance, the silence becoming awkward. Neal wanted to say something, anything, just to break the sheet of ice that had built between them.

"Umm… I'll go get us some food, you can go find the rest" He said, trying to make things seem as normal as possible. Yuki nodded, before walking in the other direction to him, where Cleon and Merric had saved a table. Absently, Neal pondered how he was going to tell her while getting some food.

"So, Cleon, where's Kel?" Neal asked as casually as possible, after he had sat down and began to greedily dig into his bowl of porridge. Cleon and Merric exchanged looks. "Uhh… We went to get her in the morning, but she refused to come out of her room," Cleon said, a hint of a question in his voice, although the actual words were just a statement. After Neal deliberately ignored the questioning look, Cleon bravely asked "Do you know anything about it Neal?"

Not knowing how to answer, he just shrugged and replied "I'll go check on her after I finish this food", then continuing to finish the last of his Orange Juice and his remaining slice of toast.

When he had consumed all of his breakfast, he cheerfully smiled and stood up. "I'll go visit Kel now" he announced to the table. Turning to face Yuki, he asked, "Could I talk to you before I go?"

She nodded, and stood up as well, trying to grin confidently, although anyone that knew her could tell that she was nervous. Following him out of the hall, he motioned her to walk into a little enclosed area in the courtyard they had reached.

She knows. She knows what I'm going to say, Neal realized as he read the look on her face. He paused slightly, and took a deep breath, then opened his mouth to talk.

"Look Yuki… I've been thinking lately, about us, and about the wedding…" he halted, seeing her hopes that he wanted to talk about something else deflate rapidly. After quickly deciding that it was for the best, he continued. "And… and I'm not so sure if this is where I want to be anymore. I mean, I just don't know if I'm ready for the changes that this is going to make for me," he finished.

Finally, he got the guts to look at her. Neal could see the tears that had welled up in her eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, she was still his friend, and no matter what was happening now, she had still been his lover for more than 3 years. Gently, he hugged her, but let go when she stiffened, remembering that he had just partly, in a way, dumped her.

"So… so is this the end?" Yuki asked shakily, unsure of how long she could hold herself together before she collapsed in a breakdown. Secretly, Neal was amazed. Usually, even though she had been living in Tortall for a number of years, Yuki wouldn't show her feelings so publicly if you paid her.

Neal studied her blank expression. She blinked, acting as if she didn't notice the tears that running down her face, ruining her China-Doll-Like makeup. He could tell that at the moment her head was swimming in questions, and she was probably thinking about how much she hated him for doing this to her.

He was lost for words. Trying not to make her feel even more upset than she already was, he just calmly said "No Yuki. This isn't so much the end. I still do love you, and in a way, I always will. I'm just not so sure of some of my other feelings at the moment, and I know that it would be wrong to marry you without sorting these things out first. It would only hurt you more than now, and it would make me feel even worse for doing that to you. This is for the best"

Softly, she whispered "How? How could you do this Neal? A week before…" more to herself than to Neal. Unable to control her emotions for not much longer she looked at him disappointedly one more time and then turned around, stalking off in the direction of her room.

He let her go.  She needs some time to herself, he told himself. Standing still for a few seconds, he finally started to walk to Kel, uncertain of what her reaction was going to be.

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Sooooo…. How you like? I have 21 reviews so far, I just checked… YAY!! LOL, well, I asked for 20, and that's what I got… Sorry to peoples who thought I said 30… I did a little typo before… anyways… please read and review this chapter, I'd really like to know what you think… byA~!