ACT V: "Rehearsal, Not-So-Cheesy Montages and Madonna Remakes"
(Open on the main dance hall of the Moulin Vert. All the important people are there, listening to Purple Zidler make a speech. Some of them are sitting on the floor, others are hanging off of things, but most are seated in chairs, facing Purple Zidler)
Purple Zidler: (holding up random drawings of various stages) I can't believe this! We actually have the moneys to BUILD this monstrosity!
Professor Chocolate: I resent that comment! My creations are NEVER monstrosities! ... Well... except for that one super-sized, lazer moose candy... Hmm... yes. I believe THAT was my only monstrosity! But not this. This is a stage. Not a moose candy.
Purple Zidler: o.o ... Oooookay. Um. Anyway! It will be spectacular!
Zimlouse: [os] AND AMAZING!
Purple Zidler: .O AS I WAS SAYING! .u (huffy) As I was saying, this NEW theater will be fully modernized! There will be such incredible new devices! Like... new smoke machines, snack vendors, electricity, better music amplifiers...
Gazi: How about GAMES? Does this stupid place get any GAMES? I don't spend ALL my time working for your little SHOW you know... .O
Purple Zidler: (hastily) Y-Yes! I mean, of COURSE! We have to keep you all happy, right? ^.^;; Hehehdon'tkillmeheh...
Kat23a: (hanging off a hanging oil lamp, rainbow can-can skirt hanging over her head) OOO! Can we have flashing DISCO lights!? Huh huh? CAN WEEEE?! 8D!
KidKourage: How about a new piano? Can we get a new piano for our breakroom? PLEEEEEEEEAASE! (swishes her black and silver can-can outfit around) It'd really help us relax!
Redgentinean: MORE LAZERS! ...And booze! ...And... stuff!
GIRie: (hanging off of Kat23a) TAAAAAAACOOOOOS!
(Soon the whole room is clamoring for new additions to the Moulin Vert)
Bastine: (takes the opportunity to look over at Jentian) ^_^ (waves)
Dib-Duke: O_O;; (sitting in front of Jentian) ^.^; (blushes madly and waves back, thinking Bastine is looking at him)
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and smiles back at Bastine)
Purple Zidler: (FINALLY regaining control) HEY! HEY! HELLO!! (waving arms) SHUT UP!!! ... (pauses while everyone quiets) THERE! Now... there might not be enough money for ALL of that... but I assure you... We'll do our best! As will our actors-
Bastine: [os] AND ACTRESSES!!
Purple Zidler: ._. And actresses... will do their best too! And the Dib-Duke will do his best to fund us!
Dib-Duke: (ducks down in his chair as people turn to look at him) ... Uh... hehe... hiya. (waves weakly)
Purple Zidler: (finishing his speech) Construction starts today--!
(on cue, a huge wrecking ball crashes into the hall, scattering scared people and showing everyone with debris)
Purple Zidler: (having a panic attack) OH SWEET IRK!! AAAAAAH! AAAAAHAAA!! THE BUILDING IS COLLAPSING! AAAAAAAAH!! O.O RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! (flees the building, ranting hysterically to himself while AF follows in a rather bad attempt to calm him down and drag him back)
Bastine: o.o ... (coughs a little) Well... that was... interesting.
Lynne: o.o (coughs too) Aw, well... you know what they say!
Bastine: ~.~; Purple runs like a gazelle on steroids?
Lynne: 9.9; Well... there's that... But I was thinking more along the lines of-
Zimlouse: (stands up) GET TO WORK YOU BUILDER MONKEYS! O The SHOW must go ON OR my AMAZING fid-ill TALENT will go to a hideeeousss WASTE!
Lynne: o.o; What he said, only without the monkey, fiddle and.. the rest of it.
Gazi: "The show must go on"?
Lynne: Yeah that :D;;
Jentian as Narrator: The show eventually did go on. And the rather abrupt timing of the wrecking ball-resulting in Purple Zidler's panic attack-no one was around to remind Bastine of her little dinner with the Dib-Duke. That gave us plenty of time to... "rehearse"... if you know what I mean.
(the scene whirls away to the interior of Zimlouse's apartment. It's a rather cold, imposing place, with lots of useless wires hung on the wall and some sheet music scattered everywhere. Zimlouse is in what appears to be a kitchen, making some sort of concoction. ...I think it's cake. GIRie bounces on the counter, sucking on a drink of some kind. Jentian and Bastine are in the sitting area, working out the play)
Jentian: (pacing) And then... this happens! (all dramatically) Mad with jealousy, the evil Soldier General forces the temptress to make the penniless computer programmer believe she doesn't love him! How's that? Is that good?
Bastine: (curled up on the couch) Oh yeah! ^.^
Zimlouse: [os] It's too... unrealistic! And fanciful! And stuff like that!
Jentian: (imitating the Redgentinean) "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!" says the penniless computer programmer. He throws some moneys at her feet and leaves Irk forever! No no! He... he jumps off a balcony! (he gets on the balcony and threatens to jump) Like this!
Basttine: (knowing Jentian's a klutz sometimes) No! Get off there!
Zimlouse: [os] Are you up on that balcony again?! Remember what happened LAST time you were up there, Jentian!
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and gets down) Hmm... okay, so he doesn't jump... he just leaves. Maybe he goes to Vort or Blorch or Foodcourtia or something.
Bastine: But he lives?
Jentian: Why not? (surprised)
Bastine: (shocked) But you said... A life without love... that's awful. 6.6
Jentian: (comes and sits next to her) Aw, he'll be okay, because his computer reminds him that--
Zimlouse: (coming into the room, all huffy with GIRie on his head and cake on his face) I believe that's MY line Jentian! (pauses, thinking) The... uh... magical computer... that can only speak the truth says... he says... uh... erm.... .9 Blast it... uhhhh... Dooky? O.o
Jentian: (putting his arms around Bastine) He says, Zimlouse, that the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
Zimlouse: (makes a disagreeable face) Why on Irk do I let you two come practice here...? 9.9;
(Begin not-so-cheesy montage. Pan in on Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing... a lot. Whoa... how can they BREATHE? Do they take scuba tanks? O.o)
Dib-Duke: (bursting in) Bastine! There you are!
Bastine: (dropping Jentian abruptly) o.o;; Yes! Here! Right here, Dib-Duke!
Jentian: (hastily wiping the lipstick off his face while the Dib-Duke is distracted)
Dib-Duke: (sheepishly) I... I uh was wondering... if you would... want to come out... ghost hunting with me... Uh.. This city is perfect... y'know...?
Bastine: Erm... o.o; I'm sorry, but I just don't... have the time. (with more ease) Too much work to do on script! u.u
Jentian: (nods) o.o It's not quite finished... I mean, the kinks are still in it.
Bastine: And WHO can perform a play with KINKS! :O
Dib-Duke: (huffy now) He's tall! He can carry our gear and you two can work it out in my company! Plus, I might have some stuff to add! :d
Jentian: (under his breath) I'm sure you will...
(whirl up to Zimlouse's apartment, where Lynne is tuning her fiddle, the Redgentinean is flirting and Jentian is working with Zimlouse on his lines)
Jentian: (slightly frustrated) Zimlouse...
Zimlouse: (waves his arms) I KNOW I KNOW! The computer programmer falls off the roof into his voot cruiser-
Jentain: (prompting) And says...?
Zimlouse: Yes, yes, yes I know! Don't tell me this! .9 Zim is AMAZINGLY remembering! "The greatest thing you'll ever..." (with air quotes)
(cut back to Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing yet again, when the Dib-Duke bursts in. They part as fast as last time, only Bastine ends up on the floor this time)
Dib-Duke: O.o ... :D;; (hopefully) Not still at it, I hope...? (offers Bastine a piece of paranormal hunting gear)
(and back to the apartment)
Zimlouse: master...? Make...? contract...? Doom...? .9
Redgentinean: "LEARN", YOU IMBECILE! O (throws a bottle at his head)
(Back to the dressing room, when the Dib-Duke has popped in yet again. Both Bastine and Jentian are on the floor this time)
Bastine: (sounding disappointed) I'm so sorry Dib-Duke! There's so much to do... we've just been drilling the lines over and over.
Dib-Duke: 6.6; Oh... well... I'll leave you alone...
Jentian: Oh! Dib-Duke! o.o
Dib-Duke: Yes? o.o?
Jentian: I think Gazi's dressing room is haunted... there were spooky noises in there yesterday when I had to work with her... yeah...
Dib-Duke: I'll check it out right away! :D! (zips off)
Bastine: Did you just get rid of him for me? :o (feigning surprise)
Jentian: Oh, so I did D
(They resume kissing as the screams of the Dib-Duke fill the air. He must have walked in on Gazi changing. End montage)
Jentian as Narrator: The Dib-Duke was persistent, but so were we. Thanks to the fact that I was writing the show, it was really easy to avoid his advances on Bastine. Most of the reasons WERE perfectly legitimate... and some of them just sounded like they were.
(cut to the main hall of the Moulin Vert. A rehearsal is taking place)
Jentian: (approaching the Dib-Duke and Basting) ^.^;; Uh... Mademoiselle Bastine?
Bastine: o.o? Yes?
Jentian: 6.6; I'm having some problems writing that new scene. I think it's writer's block o.o;;;
Bastine: :O How awful! (suddenly more serious) What scene?
Jentian: Ermm... The...um... scene where the computer programmer asks the temptress if she'll have dinner at his place... because... um... he can cook... At least, he thinks he can.
Dib-Duke: (butting in) You can't be working tonight! I had Zidler set a special dinner in the Spectral Tower! .O It's going to get cold and then that Chihuahua thing'll show up. And you KNOW how hard that thing is to get rid of o.o
Jentian: (taken aback) Erm... okay. 6.6; Well, it's not important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Or we--we could work on it tomorrow... (turns to go)
Bastine: (jumps to her feet) Hell no! It can't wait until tomorrow!
Jentian: o.o;
Dib-Duke: Why not? O.o
Bastine: It's the most important scene in the play! THAT'S why! .O
Dib-Duke: ._. Oh.
Bastine: (to Jentian) .u We'll work on it tonight until I'm completely satisfied.
Jentain: o.o We will?
Bastine: Of course u.u In fact, let's start now!
Dib-Duke: o.o; But--
Bastine: Dib-Duke, excuse me. u.u (heads off to another room)
Jentian: I'm really sorry ._.;; (thinking: BOOYAH! 8D!!) Hopefully she'll be free tomorrow...
Dib-Duke: Oh go away .6
Jentian: (zips off)
(zoom towards the stage, which is finally finished. The rehearsal is just finishing up)
Purple Zidler: (flipping through a script) Okay! That was pretty good!
Redgentinean: Pretty good!? Zim kept talking over me! .O
Zimlouse: I was not! O.O And I only speak the truth so you can't not believe me! (hiding in his cardboard computer costume)
Gazi: .O GIR's piano playing is distracting me...
Purple Zilder: -.-;; We'll work it out later... Bright and early tomorrow morning, we'll begin on act two; "The lovers are discovered!"
Tak: (hey! Look who survived!) How?
Purple Zidler: How should I know? I'm not the writer. (climbs off the stage and heads for the Dib-Duke)
(Meanwhile, Jentian and Bastine have found a "secluded" alcove in which to "rehearse". In other words, they're making out practically in plain sight. Love makes people do stupid things.)
Dib-Duke: Hey! Zidler! HryHH
Purple Zidler: ^.^; (coming over) Hello Dib-Duke, I have everything planned for that dinner in the... what's it called? Bigfeet Tower? Swamp Gas Tower...?
Dib-Duke: SPECTRAL Tower, you stupid alien. .O And eat it yourself Zidler. Bastine hates me.
Purple Zidler: (starting to panic) O.O;;; .... I... I... Impossible!
Dib-Duke: Look, I'm a paranormal scientist! .u I understand how important work is to people. But Basting is ALWAYS with that stupid Irkhemian writer! It's like he's a slave master or something!
Purple Zilder: 6.6 ... .9? ... ((O_O));;;;;;;;; (spotting Bastine and Jentian)
Dib-Duke: (oblivious) And, honestly, if she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain tonight, I'm going back to my work and pulling my moneys out of this whole... business!
Purple Zidler: (nearly hyperventilating) No! NO! Dib-Duke! Listen! I'll... I'll do something!!
Dib-Duke: ... Oh... kay. Have Bastine take the night off then. o.o
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Done...
Dib-Duke: All right! u.u I'll see her at eight then. My show's over by then. (turns and walks out)
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Okay... (heads towards Bastine and Jentian)
(Uh oh! Cut to Bastine and Jentian. Jentian once again has lipstick all over his face.)
Jentian: (coming up for air 9.9) You're coming? Tonight?
Bastine: Yes! Of course!
Jentian: What time? o.o
Bastine: Eight o' clock. ^.~
Jentian: Promise? o.o
Bastine: (laughs) Yes! Go! I want a nice dinner, and none of Zimlouse's cake XP
Jentian: ^.^ (runs off, all happy)
Purple Zidler: (belooms over Bastine, all shadowy and spooky... and panicky) ARE YOU CRAZY!? O.O;
Bastine: AAAAAAAH! O.O; Oh! Puple! ^.^;;;; He.. hello!
Purple Zidler: O_O;; (on the verge of another panic attack) The... the Dib-Duke... He... deeds to... Moulin Vert... if he sees you... wi-WHY ARE YOU KISSING THE WRITER?!
Bastine: (keeping composure) I wasn't kissing him! u.u We were rehearsing--
Purple Zidler: I SAW YOU TOGETHER! ((((O.O))))
Bastine: o.o ... I... 6.6 It's nothing, Purple. It's just an infatuation. It's nothing, I'm serious.
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) Well... UN-infatuate him!! If the Dib-Duke finds out, the Moulin Vert is rubble and we're all autopsy subjects!!
Bastine: o.o ...
Purple Zidler: His... tower... eight... go... e.e (stumbles off, half in a faint)
Bastine: o.o ... (stands where she is for a long time)
(slowly pan out on Bastine, as "One Day I'll Fly Away" plays. Cut to a close up of her as she starts coughing again)
Jentian as Narrator: How was I supposed to know...?
(Bastine coughs violently)
Jentian as Narrator: She never told me anything... nothing about what was happening to her... I should have known.
(Bastine coughs frantically and faints. Cut to the Dib-Duke's tower, where Purple Zidler is looking at his pocket-watch. The Dib-Duke is in the background, pacing.)
Purple Zidler: Where is she? ((((O.O))))
(cut to Bastine's dressing room, where she's curled up in bed)
Bitterie: I knew it... she's doomed. And has doomed us all... to a wretched, miserable life. Doing something more HORRIBLE than what we're doing now.
Gazi: (in a corner) Not like you do anything here ANYway... ~.~
Professor Chocolate: Don't worry! Bastine will be up on her feet again by morning! Plenty of time to fix everything!
(cut to the Dib-Duke's Spectral Tower. The Dib-Duke is packing up his equipment, while Purple Zidler thinks frantically for an excuse for Bastine's disappearance)
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) (first thing that comes to mind) SHE'S CONFESS... ING!
(there is a long pause)
Dib-Duke: .O Confessing?! What kind of idiot do you think I am, you alien?
Purple Zidler: (taking the idea and running with it... like a gazelle on steroids) She... She uh... had a.. she wanted to go.. tell a pr... priest about all the... the thing's she'd done!!! O.O;;
Dib-Duke: What? Why?! O.o
Purple Zidler: (pretty much babbling along) She.. she didn't want.. to be reminded of everything she'd done! Uhmmm... she uh, thought tonight was like... like A WEDDING NIGHT! (inspired)
Dib-Duke: (a little creeped out) ... Her WEDDING night?
Purple Zidler: (keeps going) She's like a blushing bride... really! :D;; She says you make her feel... like a... like a... a v--virgin...! u.u;;;;;
Dib-Duke: Virgin? O.o (More than disturbed) But she... HOW? Wha...?
Purple Zidler: You know... ^.^;;; glomped for the very first time? That whole bit...?
Dib-Duke: (stunned) The first? But she's a temptress! O.o
Purple Zidler: Uhhh... o.o; Good... point...
Dib-Duke: So.. she can't... can she??
Purple Zidler: o.o ...... (taking a cue from the Redgentinean) She says it feels so good... inside...! Yeah! That's it! She says it's so... wonderful, y'know, when you hold her...and you glomp her.. and she cuddles you... and stuff... she says she feels... oh, you know! (getting slightly flustered)
Dib-Duke: Like a virgin? รด.o?
SONG - LIKE A VIRGIN
Purple Zidler: (spoken)
She's made it through the wilderness somehow.
She's made it through!
She didn't know how lost she was!
Until she found you...! (puts a hand on the Dib-Duke's shoulder and gestures grandly)
Dib-Duke: o.o;
Purple Zilder: (sings) u.u
She was beat... incomplete.
She'd been had!
She was sad and blue...
But you made her feel...
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel...shiny and new!
Ahh! (spins the Dib-Duke around to face him)
Like a virgin!
Glomped for the very first time! (Gaining confidence as he sings)
Dib-Duke: (spoken) AHH! What're you doing?! O.o
Purple Zidler: (singing)
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen...!
Your hearts beat both in time!
Dib-Duke: (resigning self to listening to this song) o.o;; (goes and sits on his bed)
Purple Zidler: (sings)
I give you all her love!
Her fear is fading fast!
Been saving it all for you! u.u!
Only love can last!
(At this point, several of the Dib-Duke's servants show up, dancing in weird leaps across the floor. There's Chickenfoot, the Bigfoot accountant, a chupacabra, a few of those parking garage rats, a couple of guys in white sheets, and Kief. They surround Purple Zidler, dancing with big cheesy smiles and wearing tuxedos.)
Purple Zidler: (sings) She's so fine and she's thine!
Servants and Kief: (repeat) She's thine! :D
Purple Zidler: (sings) She'll be yours until the end of time!
Servants and Kief: End of time! :D
Purple Zidler: (sings)
'Cause you made her feel...
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel. She has nothing to hiiii-AAAAAAH! O.O;;
(the servants and Kief have thrown Purple Zidler onto the bed as well and have begun spinning it around and around)
Purple Zidler: (shouted) GET ME OFF THIS THING!! O.O;;; (jumps up, letting the bed's canopy drop down onto his head) OW! .
Servants and Kief: (sing, still spinning the bed around, while the two on it hold on for their lives)
Like a virgin!
Touched for the very first time!
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen.
Your hearts beat both in time.
Like a virgin! Feels so good inside!
When you hold her... and you touch her...and ohh...ohhh!
Purple Zidler: O.O;; (jumps off the bed, sprawling on the floor in a tangle of canopy and green limbs)
Kief: :D (thrusts a microphone at the Dib-Duke) SING!
Dib-Duke: 6.6;;; Uhh... (starts singing)
She's so fine..?
And she's mine.
Makes me strong.
Yes she makes me burn...?
(spoken) WHO WROTE THIS!? O.o
Kief: (takes the microphone and finishes the Dib-Duke's solo) u.u
And her love thawed off...
Yes her lo-uh-uh-uh-uve thawed off
What was scared and cold! (disco moves)
Dib-Duke: o.o (blinkblink) Ooohkay...
Purple Zidler: (sings from the floor, nervously)
Like a virgin!
(The Dib-Duke is unceremoniously dumped to the floor as Purple Zidler is hauled to his feet. The servants and Kief shove the two together)
Both: (uncertainly) Touched for the very first time...
Purple Zidler: (turns away fast, singing like his life depends on it) Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen! O.O;;;
Dib-Duke: (likewise, singing) Our hearts beat both in time! O.O;;;
(Kief, leading the servants, tries to push the two together again, grinning creepily)
Purple Zidler: (runs, still singing) Like a virgin! O.O;;;
Dib-Duke: (right after him, also singing) Feels so good inside! O.O;;;
Purple Zidler: (runs out on the balcony, panicked)
Dib-Duke: (likewise!)
Servants and Kief: (singing as they chase) :D La-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh...!
Both: (cornered) O.O;; Like a viirrrrrrgeeen!!
END OF SONG
(as the music fades, the servants and Kief suddenly stop, look disappointed, and leave the room)
Purple Zidler: e.e (promptly faints)
(Open on the main dance hall of the Moulin Vert. All the important people are there, listening to Purple Zidler make a speech. Some of them are sitting on the floor, others are hanging off of things, but most are seated in chairs, facing Purple Zidler)
Purple Zidler: (holding up random drawings of various stages) I can't believe this! We actually have the moneys to BUILD this monstrosity!
Professor Chocolate: I resent that comment! My creations are NEVER monstrosities! ... Well... except for that one super-sized, lazer moose candy... Hmm... yes. I believe THAT was my only monstrosity! But not this. This is a stage. Not a moose candy.
Purple Zidler: o.o ... Oooookay. Um. Anyway! It will be spectacular!
Zimlouse: [os] AND AMAZING!
Purple Zidler: .O AS I WAS SAYING! .u (huffy) As I was saying, this NEW theater will be fully modernized! There will be such incredible new devices! Like... new smoke machines, snack vendors, electricity, better music amplifiers...
Gazi: How about GAMES? Does this stupid place get any GAMES? I don't spend ALL my time working for your little SHOW you know... .O
Purple Zidler: (hastily) Y-Yes! I mean, of COURSE! We have to keep you all happy, right? ^.^;; Hehehdon'tkillmeheh...
Kat23a: (hanging off a hanging oil lamp, rainbow can-can skirt hanging over her head) OOO! Can we have flashing DISCO lights!? Huh huh? CAN WEEEE?! 8D!
KidKourage: How about a new piano? Can we get a new piano for our breakroom? PLEEEEEEEEAASE! (swishes her black and silver can-can outfit around) It'd really help us relax!
Redgentinean: MORE LAZERS! ...And booze! ...And... stuff!
GIRie: (hanging off of Kat23a) TAAAAAAACOOOOOS!
(Soon the whole room is clamoring for new additions to the Moulin Vert)
Bastine: (takes the opportunity to look over at Jentian) ^_^ (waves)
Dib-Duke: O_O;; (sitting in front of Jentian) ^.^; (blushes madly and waves back, thinking Bastine is looking at him)
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and smiles back at Bastine)
Purple Zidler: (FINALLY regaining control) HEY! HEY! HELLO!! (waving arms) SHUT UP!!! ... (pauses while everyone quiets) THERE! Now... there might not be enough money for ALL of that... but I assure you... We'll do our best! As will our actors-
Bastine: [os] AND ACTRESSES!!
Purple Zidler: ._. And actresses... will do their best too! And the Dib-Duke will do his best to fund us!
Dib-Duke: (ducks down in his chair as people turn to look at him) ... Uh... hehe... hiya. (waves weakly)
Purple Zidler: (finishing his speech) Construction starts today--!
(on cue, a huge wrecking ball crashes into the hall, scattering scared people and showing everyone with debris)
Purple Zidler: (having a panic attack) OH SWEET IRK!! AAAAAAH! AAAAAHAAA!! THE BUILDING IS COLLAPSING! AAAAAAAAH!! O.O RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! (flees the building, ranting hysterically to himself while AF follows in a rather bad attempt to calm him down and drag him back)
Bastine: o.o ... (coughs a little) Well... that was... interesting.
Lynne: o.o (coughs too) Aw, well... you know what they say!
Bastine: ~.~; Purple runs like a gazelle on steroids?
Lynne: 9.9; Well... there's that... But I was thinking more along the lines of-
Zimlouse: (stands up) GET TO WORK YOU BUILDER MONKEYS! O The SHOW must go ON OR my AMAZING fid-ill TALENT will go to a hideeeousss WASTE!
Lynne: o.o; What he said, only without the monkey, fiddle and.. the rest of it.
Gazi: "The show must go on"?
Lynne: Yeah that :D;;
Jentian as Narrator: The show eventually did go on. And the rather abrupt timing of the wrecking ball-resulting in Purple Zidler's panic attack-no one was around to remind Bastine of her little dinner with the Dib-Duke. That gave us plenty of time to... "rehearse"... if you know what I mean.
(the scene whirls away to the interior of Zimlouse's apartment. It's a rather cold, imposing place, with lots of useless wires hung on the wall and some sheet music scattered everywhere. Zimlouse is in what appears to be a kitchen, making some sort of concoction. ...I think it's cake. GIRie bounces on the counter, sucking on a drink of some kind. Jentian and Bastine are in the sitting area, working out the play)
Jentian: (pacing) And then... this happens! (all dramatically) Mad with jealousy, the evil Soldier General forces the temptress to make the penniless computer programmer believe she doesn't love him! How's that? Is that good?
Bastine: (curled up on the couch) Oh yeah! ^.^
Zimlouse: [os] It's too... unrealistic! And fanciful! And stuff like that!
Jentian: (imitating the Redgentinean) "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!" says the penniless computer programmer. He throws some moneys at her feet and leaves Irk forever! No no! He... he jumps off a balcony! (he gets on the balcony and threatens to jump) Like this!
Basttine: (knowing Jentian's a klutz sometimes) No! Get off there!
Zimlouse: [os] Are you up on that balcony again?! Remember what happened LAST time you were up there, Jentian!
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and gets down) Hmm... okay, so he doesn't jump... he just leaves. Maybe he goes to Vort or Blorch or Foodcourtia or something.
Bastine: But he lives?
Jentian: Why not? (surprised)
Bastine: (shocked) But you said... A life without love... that's awful. 6.6
Jentian: (comes and sits next to her) Aw, he'll be okay, because his computer reminds him that--
Zimlouse: (coming into the room, all huffy with GIRie on his head and cake on his face) I believe that's MY line Jentian! (pauses, thinking) The... uh... magical computer... that can only speak the truth says... he says... uh... erm.... .9 Blast it... uhhhh... Dooky? O.o
Jentian: (putting his arms around Bastine) He says, Zimlouse, that the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
Zimlouse: (makes a disagreeable face) Why on Irk do I let you two come practice here...? 9.9;
(Begin not-so-cheesy montage. Pan in on Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing... a lot. Whoa... how can they BREATHE? Do they take scuba tanks? O.o)
Dib-Duke: (bursting in) Bastine! There you are!
Bastine: (dropping Jentian abruptly) o.o;; Yes! Here! Right here, Dib-Duke!
Jentian: (hastily wiping the lipstick off his face while the Dib-Duke is distracted)
Dib-Duke: (sheepishly) I... I uh was wondering... if you would... want to come out... ghost hunting with me... Uh.. This city is perfect... y'know...?
Bastine: Erm... o.o; I'm sorry, but I just don't... have the time. (with more ease) Too much work to do on script! u.u
Jentian: (nods) o.o It's not quite finished... I mean, the kinks are still in it.
Bastine: And WHO can perform a play with KINKS! :O
Dib-Duke: (huffy now) He's tall! He can carry our gear and you two can work it out in my company! Plus, I might have some stuff to add! :d
Jentian: (under his breath) I'm sure you will...
(whirl up to Zimlouse's apartment, where Lynne is tuning her fiddle, the Redgentinean is flirting and Jentian is working with Zimlouse on his lines)
Jentian: (slightly frustrated) Zimlouse...
Zimlouse: (waves his arms) I KNOW I KNOW! The computer programmer falls off the roof into his voot cruiser-
Jentain: (prompting) And says...?
Zimlouse: Yes, yes, yes I know! Don't tell me this! .9 Zim is AMAZINGLY remembering! "The greatest thing you'll ever..." (with air quotes)
(cut back to Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing yet again, when the Dib-Duke bursts in. They part as fast as last time, only Bastine ends up on the floor this time)
Dib-Duke: O.o ... :D;; (hopefully) Not still at it, I hope...? (offers Bastine a piece of paranormal hunting gear)
(and back to the apartment)
Zimlouse: master...? Make...? contract...? Doom...? .9
Redgentinean: "LEARN", YOU IMBECILE! O (throws a bottle at his head)
(Back to the dressing room, when the Dib-Duke has popped in yet again. Both Bastine and Jentian are on the floor this time)
Bastine: (sounding disappointed) I'm so sorry Dib-Duke! There's so much to do... we've just been drilling the lines over and over.
Dib-Duke: 6.6; Oh... well... I'll leave you alone...
Jentian: Oh! Dib-Duke! o.o
Dib-Duke: Yes? o.o?
Jentian: I think Gazi's dressing room is haunted... there were spooky noises in there yesterday when I had to work with her... yeah...
Dib-Duke: I'll check it out right away! :D! (zips off)
Bastine: Did you just get rid of him for me? :o (feigning surprise)
Jentian: Oh, so I did D
(They resume kissing as the screams of the Dib-Duke fill the air. He must have walked in on Gazi changing. End montage)
Jentian as Narrator: The Dib-Duke was persistent, but so were we. Thanks to the fact that I was writing the show, it was really easy to avoid his advances on Bastine. Most of the reasons WERE perfectly legitimate... and some of them just sounded like they were.
(cut to the main hall of the Moulin Vert. A rehearsal is taking place)
Jentian: (approaching the Dib-Duke and Basting) ^.^;; Uh... Mademoiselle Bastine?
Bastine: o.o? Yes?
Jentian: 6.6; I'm having some problems writing that new scene. I think it's writer's block o.o;;;
Bastine: :O How awful! (suddenly more serious) What scene?
Jentian: Ermm... The...um... scene where the computer programmer asks the temptress if she'll have dinner at his place... because... um... he can cook... At least, he thinks he can.
Dib-Duke: (butting in) You can't be working tonight! I had Zidler set a special dinner in the Spectral Tower! .O It's going to get cold and then that Chihuahua thing'll show up. And you KNOW how hard that thing is to get rid of o.o
Jentian: (taken aback) Erm... okay. 6.6; Well, it's not important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Or we--we could work on it tomorrow... (turns to go)
Bastine: (jumps to her feet) Hell no! It can't wait until tomorrow!
Jentian: o.o;
Dib-Duke: Why not? O.o
Bastine: It's the most important scene in the play! THAT'S why! .O
Dib-Duke: ._. Oh.
Bastine: (to Jentian) .u We'll work on it tonight until I'm completely satisfied.
Jentain: o.o We will?
Bastine: Of course u.u In fact, let's start now!
Dib-Duke: o.o; But--
Bastine: Dib-Duke, excuse me. u.u (heads off to another room)
Jentian: I'm really sorry ._.;; (thinking: BOOYAH! 8D!!) Hopefully she'll be free tomorrow...
Dib-Duke: Oh go away .6
Jentian: (zips off)
(zoom towards the stage, which is finally finished. The rehearsal is just finishing up)
Purple Zidler: (flipping through a script) Okay! That was pretty good!
Redgentinean: Pretty good!? Zim kept talking over me! .O
Zimlouse: I was not! O.O And I only speak the truth so you can't not believe me! (hiding in his cardboard computer costume)
Gazi: .O GIR's piano playing is distracting me...
Purple Zilder: -.-;; We'll work it out later... Bright and early tomorrow morning, we'll begin on act two; "The lovers are discovered!"
Tak: (hey! Look who survived!) How?
Purple Zidler: How should I know? I'm not the writer. (climbs off the stage and heads for the Dib-Duke)
(Meanwhile, Jentian and Bastine have found a "secluded" alcove in which to "rehearse". In other words, they're making out practically in plain sight. Love makes people do stupid things.)
Dib-Duke: Hey! Zidler! HryHH
Purple Zidler: ^.^; (coming over) Hello Dib-Duke, I have everything planned for that dinner in the... what's it called? Bigfeet Tower? Swamp Gas Tower...?
Dib-Duke: SPECTRAL Tower, you stupid alien. .O And eat it yourself Zidler. Bastine hates me.
Purple Zidler: (starting to panic) O.O;;; .... I... I... Impossible!
Dib-Duke: Look, I'm a paranormal scientist! .u I understand how important work is to people. But Basting is ALWAYS with that stupid Irkhemian writer! It's like he's a slave master or something!
Purple Zilder: 6.6 ... .9? ... ((O_O));;;;;;;;; (spotting Bastine and Jentian)
Dib-Duke: (oblivious) And, honestly, if she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain tonight, I'm going back to my work and pulling my moneys out of this whole... business!
Purple Zidler: (nearly hyperventilating) No! NO! Dib-Duke! Listen! I'll... I'll do something!!
Dib-Duke: ... Oh... kay. Have Bastine take the night off then. o.o
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Done...
Dib-Duke: All right! u.u I'll see her at eight then. My show's over by then. (turns and walks out)
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Okay... (heads towards Bastine and Jentian)
(Uh oh! Cut to Bastine and Jentian. Jentian once again has lipstick all over his face.)
Jentian: (coming up for air 9.9) You're coming? Tonight?
Bastine: Yes! Of course!
Jentian: What time? o.o
Bastine: Eight o' clock. ^.~
Jentian: Promise? o.o
Bastine: (laughs) Yes! Go! I want a nice dinner, and none of Zimlouse's cake XP
Jentian: ^.^ (runs off, all happy)
Purple Zidler: (belooms over Bastine, all shadowy and spooky... and panicky) ARE YOU CRAZY!? O.O;
Bastine: AAAAAAAH! O.O; Oh! Puple! ^.^;;;; He.. hello!
Purple Zidler: O_O;; (on the verge of another panic attack) The... the Dib-Duke... He... deeds to... Moulin Vert... if he sees you... wi-WHY ARE YOU KISSING THE WRITER?!
Bastine: (keeping composure) I wasn't kissing him! u.u We were rehearsing--
Purple Zidler: I SAW YOU TOGETHER! ((((O.O))))
Bastine: o.o ... I... 6.6 It's nothing, Purple. It's just an infatuation. It's nothing, I'm serious.
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) Well... UN-infatuate him!! If the Dib-Duke finds out, the Moulin Vert is rubble and we're all autopsy subjects!!
Bastine: o.o ...
Purple Zidler: His... tower... eight... go... e.e (stumbles off, half in a faint)
Bastine: o.o ... (stands where she is for a long time)
(slowly pan out on Bastine, as "One Day I'll Fly Away" plays. Cut to a close up of her as she starts coughing again)
Jentian as Narrator: How was I supposed to know...?
(Bastine coughs violently)
Jentian as Narrator: She never told me anything... nothing about what was happening to her... I should have known.
(Bastine coughs frantically and faints. Cut to the Dib-Duke's tower, where Purple Zidler is looking at his pocket-watch. The Dib-Duke is in the background, pacing.)
Purple Zidler: Where is she? ((((O.O))))
(cut to Bastine's dressing room, where she's curled up in bed)
Bitterie: I knew it... she's doomed. And has doomed us all... to a wretched, miserable life. Doing something more HORRIBLE than what we're doing now.
Gazi: (in a corner) Not like you do anything here ANYway... ~.~
Professor Chocolate: Don't worry! Bastine will be up on her feet again by morning! Plenty of time to fix everything!
(cut to the Dib-Duke's Spectral Tower. The Dib-Duke is packing up his equipment, while Purple Zidler thinks frantically for an excuse for Bastine's disappearance)
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) (first thing that comes to mind) SHE'S CONFESS... ING!
(there is a long pause)
Dib-Duke: .O Confessing?! What kind of idiot do you think I am, you alien?
Purple Zidler: (taking the idea and running with it... like a gazelle on steroids) She... She uh... had a.. she wanted to go.. tell a pr... priest about all the... the thing's she'd done!!! O.O;;
Dib-Duke: What? Why?! O.o
Purple Zidler: (pretty much babbling along) She.. she didn't want.. to be reminded of everything she'd done! Uhmmm... she uh, thought tonight was like... like A WEDDING NIGHT! (inspired)
Dib-Duke: (a little creeped out) ... Her WEDDING night?
Purple Zidler: (keeps going) She's like a blushing bride... really! :D;; She says you make her feel... like a... like a... a v--virgin...! u.u;;;;;
Dib-Duke: Virgin? O.o (More than disturbed) But she... HOW? Wha...?
Purple Zidler: You know... ^.^;;; glomped for the very first time? That whole bit...?
Dib-Duke: (stunned) The first? But she's a temptress! O.o
Purple Zidler: Uhhh... o.o; Good... point...
Dib-Duke: So.. she can't... can she??
Purple Zidler: o.o ...... (taking a cue from the Redgentinean) She says it feels so good... inside...! Yeah! That's it! She says it's so... wonderful, y'know, when you hold her...and you glomp her.. and she cuddles you... and stuff... she says she feels... oh, you know! (getting slightly flustered)
Dib-Duke: Like a virgin? รด.o?
SONG - LIKE A VIRGIN
Purple Zidler: (spoken)
She's made it through the wilderness somehow.
She's made it through!
She didn't know how lost she was!
Until she found you...! (puts a hand on the Dib-Duke's shoulder and gestures grandly)
Dib-Duke: o.o;
Purple Zilder: (sings) u.u
She was beat... incomplete.
She'd been had!
She was sad and blue...
But you made her feel...
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel...shiny and new!
Ahh! (spins the Dib-Duke around to face him)
Like a virgin!
Glomped for the very first time! (Gaining confidence as he sings)
Dib-Duke: (spoken) AHH! What're you doing?! O.o
Purple Zidler: (singing)
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen...!
Your hearts beat both in time!
Dib-Duke: (resigning self to listening to this song) o.o;; (goes and sits on his bed)
Purple Zidler: (sings)
I give you all her love!
Her fear is fading fast!
Been saving it all for you! u.u!
Only love can last!
(At this point, several of the Dib-Duke's servants show up, dancing in weird leaps across the floor. There's Chickenfoot, the Bigfoot accountant, a chupacabra, a few of those parking garage rats, a couple of guys in white sheets, and Kief. They surround Purple Zidler, dancing with big cheesy smiles and wearing tuxedos.)
Purple Zidler: (sings) She's so fine and she's thine!
Servants and Kief: (repeat) She's thine! :D
Purple Zidler: (sings) She'll be yours until the end of time!
Servants and Kief: End of time! :D
Purple Zidler: (sings)
'Cause you made her feel...
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel. She has nothing to hiiii-AAAAAAH! O.O;;
(the servants and Kief have thrown Purple Zidler onto the bed as well and have begun spinning it around and around)
Purple Zidler: (shouted) GET ME OFF THIS THING!! O.O;;; (jumps up, letting the bed's canopy drop down onto his head) OW! .
Servants and Kief: (sing, still spinning the bed around, while the two on it hold on for their lives)
Like a virgin!
Touched for the very first time!
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen.
Your hearts beat both in time.
Like a virgin! Feels so good inside!
When you hold her... and you touch her...and ohh...ohhh!
Purple Zidler: O.O;; (jumps off the bed, sprawling on the floor in a tangle of canopy and green limbs)
Kief: :D (thrusts a microphone at the Dib-Duke) SING!
Dib-Duke: 6.6;;; Uhh... (starts singing)
She's so fine..?
And she's mine.
Makes me strong.
Yes she makes me burn...?
(spoken) WHO WROTE THIS!? O.o
Kief: (takes the microphone and finishes the Dib-Duke's solo) u.u
And her love thawed off...
Yes her lo-uh-uh-uh-uve thawed off
What was scared and cold! (disco moves)
Dib-Duke: o.o (blinkblink) Ooohkay...
Purple Zidler: (sings from the floor, nervously)
Like a virgin!
(The Dib-Duke is unceremoniously dumped to the floor as Purple Zidler is hauled to his feet. The servants and Kief shove the two together)
Both: (uncertainly) Touched for the very first time...
Purple Zidler: (turns away fast, singing like his life depends on it) Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen! O.O;;;
Dib-Duke: (likewise, singing) Our hearts beat both in time! O.O;;;
(Kief, leading the servants, tries to push the two together again, grinning creepily)
Purple Zidler: (runs, still singing) Like a virgin! O.O;;;
Dib-Duke: (right after him, also singing) Feels so good inside! O.O;;;
Purple Zidler: (runs out on the balcony, panicked)
Dib-Duke: (likewise!)
Servants and Kief: (singing as they chase) :D La-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh...!
Both: (cornered) O.O;; Like a viirrrrrrgeeen!!
END OF SONG
(as the music fades, the servants and Kief suddenly stop, look disappointed, and leave the room)
Purple Zidler: e.e (promptly faints)