Darry's POV

A month had passed since the funeral. A whole month. It seemed like ten years. Everything seemed to be going wrong. I wasn't ready for all of this.

Accept, just accept, this is the card you've been dealt, take it and shut up

I couldn't help thinking where I'd be now if none of this ever happened.

Stop it

I was cleaning out the garage to put all my parents' belongings in there. There was so much junk in there, old newspapers and rusted tools. I was throwing most of it in the rubbish, when I heard an AHEM behind me.

"Hey Darry"

"Hey Jill" I said turning to face her, "sorry, I didn't see you". She was the last person I expected to see.

We stood in silence for a minute

"So how are you?" she said eagerly. She looked like she hadn't slept for a while. I hoped I hadn't been the reason for it.

"Fine" I said.

Silence again.

I began to wish she would go. I didn't feel like having company. That's why I insisted on cleaning the garage on my own when Pony and Soda offered to help out. It gave me time to think things through.

"You haven't returned any of my calls" she said, "If I didn't know any better, I could've sworn you were avoiding me"

Maybe I was avoiding her. I couldn't tell for sure

"Don't be ridiculous" I said with a nervous laugh. I wondered if she could see through me.

I looked at her hands. They were shaking.

She's still wearing the ring

"I'm sorry about your parents" she said sadly, "I wanted to go to the funeral but I couldn't, I just couldn't". Her lips began to quiver.

"It's ok" I said. I didn't need this right now. Yes she had met my mom once. At our graduation but that was when we first started going together. Mom didn't know who she was. We told everybody we were just friends.

"Darry, would you like to go for a walk with me?" she said as though she was picking her words carefully.

"I can't" I said with a shrug, "I've got to take Ponyboy to the doctor"

"What's wrong with him?" she said with concern

"Nothing. He's just not feeling so good" I wasn't about to tell her that since the funeral, Ponyboy had been having nightmares every night. It was so strange. He couldn't remember what he was dreaming about. Soda began sleeping with him. It stopped occurring so often but I decided to take him to the doctor to see what's wrong with him.

Jill nodded and said "ok. Call me" she backed away to the entrance of the garage, "when your free" she added, then ran down the road.

I didn't feel guilty or sad. I feel nothing. It was the strangest thing in the world. I once thought I was in love with Jill. Only dad knew about that. But he didn't know about our engagement. I was going to tell him that day after he got back from Church but…

"Darry, are you ready?" Soda said poking his head through the garage entrance.

"Yeah, I am. Lets go" I hoped in the driver's seat of the truck and waited for Ponyboy and Soda to lock up and get in the car.

It hit me then. There was so much responsibilities that came with being a parent and having a family. Mom and dad never companied about it all and I never realised what they did for us. They sacrificed everything for us and now it was my turn to sacrifice for my brothers. There was no way I would be able to go to college now. And there was no way I could marry Jill either. I had to break it off soon but I didn't want to face it.

She was just another sacrifice I had to make to survive.