In Which Haldir Discovers The World Hates Him
Chapter One
Year 3015..
Filthy Lord with his filthy Council. I suppose they think my plight is funny.
Went this morning to a Very Dire Council on Celeborn's request. For some reason they were all huddled as I strode majestically through the door, but they soon ceased this. Very finicky and boring, up until the point when they started talking about me. More importantly, what they intended to do with me. In fact, they mean to send me off on an adventure, which isn't all that terrible actually, but for the fact I'm stuck for weeks with my brothers. That means many horrible things.
Like nightly watches, close bedrolls and frightened siblings who will doubtlessly fall on me in a faint as soon as they see something remotely 'killer'. Unfortunately for the stupid milksops, they won't even see my dagger coming.
I highly doubt they'll even get to see the Balrog we're supposed to find. Hopefully my evil cackling doesn't get the best of me at precisely the wrong moment.
Like it did in the Council. Perhaps my Lord has convinced the other members I'm not completely mad. Perhaps not. I was kind of twitching there.
Damn my wicked tendencies. Damn them all the way to the Void.
Maybe then I could discover whether what they say about Melkor is really true.
And really, my race is far too stupidly superstitious. This scroll hasn't burst to flame merely because I wrote the name of Evil upon it. Mind you, it probably will if I write my own, so perhaps True Evil will remain unnamed. Just a twinkle of that supposed 'Elven Intuition'.
And the beautiful torch sitting right there.
I think I'll just go find Orophin and see if he likes fire as much as I do.
Later:
Sweet, sweet fire. Rumil walked in on us, and soon was burning with curiosity. Literally.
I'm so evil I'm turning myself on.
Year 3015..
Berated by Celeborn for my 'behaviour' and 'treatment' of my 'loving siblings'.
Pah. They wish.
I'm not entirely certain the whip was really necessary, but I can't quite question my Lord honestly. Maybe I should. He might do that again.
Caught Orophin groping me in my sleep.
Promptly beat him senseless, but at least I now know just how little sleep I will be getting on this trip. I will not allow them to do things like that to me. It's utterly wrong. Because, you know, murdering people in their sleep is very right. Especially if they're my brothers.
Eternal Night Of Hell One
Rolled Rumil and Orophin off their talan as a beginning to our trip this morning. Mind you, they were tightly bound with rope and kicked off a hundred foot drop, but they were soon awake.
So really, no one can tell me what I did was wrong. It was exactly what I intended to do in the first place.
Galadriel didn't believe me. But she doesn't understand how fun it was to set them on fire first.
After getting the next nine hundred years' worth of pay taken away from me to pay for their healing, we finally set out. About fifty feet out of the border of Lorien, Rumil fell down in a faint.
He saw a bloody rabbit. So I burned it.
He hasn't spoken to me since.
I suppose it was one of his 'it's so cute' faints, not the 'my intestines are on the ground from this evil Orc' faint. It's just so hard to tell.
Later:
How was I supposed to know Orophin wanted me to light the wood on fire, not his leg? He just said 'fire', so what did he expect me to do? Be rational? Who needs campfires when we have nice Elf meat?
I do suppose that's a bit cannabalistic of me.
I wonder if Celeborn merely sent me along so I can kill them both and save him the political discomfort of slaughtering two of his wardens.. That must be it. Or maybe he sent them along so if times get tough, I can just kill and eat them.
No sign of any Balrogs, although I suspect the thing is in the bowels of the earth, not picking daisies as Rumil seems to think.
I can only hope I survive this trip. I'm not worried that a fiery black monster will eat me, so much as fearing my siblings' stupidity will destroy my will to live.