Chapter 3
Thanks to everyone who has given feedback, it is very much appreciated,
either via ff.net or to jebmuski1@aol.com. Cheers, Jasmine
"I saw in a book once about it you know." James was saying to Peter as Lily sat quietly. "It can be really disabling even if you get better. You can loose limbs and have like major organ problems, I'm sure it was this anyhow, he's in a bad way...."
Sirius glowered as he came in. "Since when were you the healer?!" He snapped viciously! "How would you know anything about it? He is fighting so hard and all you can do is talk negatively. You're my best friend James, couldn't you even try to be positive?"
James looked dumbfounded. "Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were there."
Sirius' eyes flashed. "Whether I was there or not you had no right to talk about Remus like that! You should be totally behind him to get better not talking about everything that he could get wrong with him, do you not think he's poorly enough already or something?!"
James muttered his apologies, feeling really bad, it wasn't that he was wishing it upon Remus, it was just his way of expressing his worry, he hadn't meant to cause any harm.
"Sorry isn't good enough right now James, you should just see him, he looks so ill and all he needs is for us to love and support him!" Sirius' anger was spiralling into a quiet, pained voice and James stepped forward and touched his arm soothingly but the longer haired man tried to shrug it off.
"Do you realise just how helpless I feel, watching him wired up to all that new fangled charmed equipment? Sitting there knowing he probably can't hear a word I say, not knowing if he's in pain still or if he'll ever feel anything ever again. Do you honestly know how hard that is? Have you got any idea at all?" His voice was quivering and barely more than a whisper now as he let himself fall into James' arms sobbing.
James swallowed hard against the lump in his throat trying not to let his own emotions get the better of him when Sirius needed his strength. Peter turned his gaze away from Lily, knowing they couldn't look at each other or they too would give way to their tears and now wasn't the time, they could cry for their friend later, he was more like a brother who they all loved, but for now they had to try, hard as it was, to hold it together for Sirius' sake.
"I'd better get back up to Remus." Sirius said as soon as he'd dried his eyes on a fresh tissue, which Lily had produced. He felt better for having a good cry, it was the first time he'd been able to really let it out and it had definitely helped.
"Do you want me to come and sit with you?" Peter asked him quietly. "Bit of moral support."
Sirius thought for a moment and shook his head giving Peter an appreciative, if still weak, smile.
"Well if you change your mind or want anything we're just down here, yeah?" James added, desperate to make up for being so insensitive earlier even though it had been unintentional. Like Sirius had said, they were best mates and he would stay here 24 hours a day for the next month if it would help!
"Sirius, I know you don't want to think about this right now" Lily broached carefully on what she was saying, not wanting Sirius to blow up again as he had at James earlier. "But I need to know what we have to say to the Ministry, you know how they keep tabs on Remus' whereabouts, and it really is up to you because well...Moony can't speak for himself at the moment." She presented the question to Sirius as tactfully as he felt able. "Dumbledore thinks it best we don't give out too many details, just that Remus has been admitted to hospital with a bad infection, give away as little as possible. You know how they are at the moment, watching everyone so carefully because of Voldemort. Dumbledore also said for you to take as much time as you need."
"Fine, Albus knows best." Sirius agreed. "You know what Lily? I never thought about the Ministry, I temporarily actually forgot we were wizards. I was just Sirius and Remus my boyfriend who took ill, right now he is all I can think about."
Sirius slipped himself back into the chair at Remus' bedside and reached once again for his hand. "Hi gorgeous, have you missed me?" He attempted to sound as cheerful as possible. He'd told James that being positive was what Remus needed so he really should try that approach himself.
"I've missed you, then again I always do. Albus' given us some time off until you're a bit better, we can't manage without you, at least I know I couldn't." He paused and took a deep breath realising the implications of what he'd just said and what it could actually mean. "Now I know we were all a bit tired and could have done with at least one day off but this was going a bit far to get us one Rem. Not long though and we'll be going away on a proper holiday. How good does that sound? I don't think I've looked forward to something that much ever! It'll be great to get away for a while just the two of us. We've never really managed more than a couple of days off really together have we, and then we've never been able to really go anywhere, well except to bed, so it's going to be our first proper holiday together. I hope it's as good as I'm expecting, well I know it will be. I could go to Bognor Regis with you and it would be fabulous!
"But I have to say I think the idea of our own little part of Barbados sounds pretty fabulous, private villa and pool and even a private piece of beach, James really came up with the goods when him and Lily found that one last year for themselves didn't they? I actually have this feeling that seeing as it's so secluded where we're staying you will probably suggest having our own nudist beach or something. I can just imagine that being the kind of thing you'd come up with. Funny really, everyone sees me as the extrovert, but they don't know you like I do. And I'll be dressed as the Wizard on tour as you call me, even though I wear loads of muggle clothes may I add, and you'll be swanning about stark naked going 'Sirius, would you relax!' I can't say I have a problem with you and no clothes though. You'll come up with a reason like 'but it's so hot Padfoot, it makes me feel more liberated.' Or some bull like that. I'm telling you now, your arse with a nice tan, God I could be in the Arctic Circle and I reckon I'd be hot!"
"Ahem." Remus' Dad cleared his throat. Sirius thought he might just die right then of embarrassment. It was pretty obvious that his lover's parents had heard at least the last bit of his little speech about their holiday. He managed to turn to look at them even though he was a nice shade of crimson. "Julius, Cassandra."
Remus' mother was crying silently and her husband's face was very grave. "I don't know if he can hear or not, I'm just trying to talk to him as much as possible." He reached out his spare hand and stroked Remus' hair and then got up to let Cassandra have a seat, her legs seemed to be struggling to hold her.
"We've spoken to the healer, he says we won't know anything for another 12hours or so about the drugs working. He reckons we're more likely to know if they aren't working." Julius told Sirius.
"This can't happen, I can't believe it." Mrs Lupin was ringing her hands and looked almost afraid to touch her son for fear he would break when he looked so fragile. "All of his life, just one thing after another, does he get no peace? What did he ever do to deserve this apart from being an innocent but curious child?"
"You need time to be with him. I need to go and get him some things. If anything at all changes with him will you please get word to me immediately and I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not going far, but I think it's probably better if I leave him alone with you for a little bit."
Cassandra nodded, still in a complete state of shock but Julius touched Sirius' arm, "Son don't feel you have to go because of us. We know you love him easily as much as us."
"I know you do, but I do want to get some things for him and I know at least while you're here he's got people who love him around him and he won't be lonely if he can hear us. Just keep talking to him yeah?" Sirius went across and kissed Remus again on the head, unable to get at his lips for the tubes down his throat before kissing Cassandra and patting Julius' back. "Remember call me if there is anything!"
"Look you know, there isn't much point in you lot all hanging around here all the time." Sirius said upon walking into a room of anxious faces. "James why don't you go home with Lily and the bump, St. Mungo's isn't the place for a pregnant woman, just spend some time together, situations like this make time like that so valuable. I'm ok here, well actually I need to pop out and get some stuff but you all needn't sit here."
"His parents have arrived, I just don't know what to say to them, I kind of feel responsible because it was me there when all this kicked off. I know that's ridiculous because there's no way they're blaming me, I'm not even really blaming myself, nobody could have stopped this, Merlin I wish I could, but I still feel some kind of guilt towards them. Anyhow, I need to get him a few bits and pieces, Pete, will you come with me?"
Peter nodded. "Course I will, anything at all."
Sirius, out of the corner of his eye saw James' brow furrow ever so slightly, wondering if his friend was holding it against him for his slip up earlier. "It's nothing personal mate, he just disappears into crowds better than you, people magnet as it were!" Sirius whispered in his ear giving him a hug.
"I might floo you at home later if that's ok, come and have a sit with me and Moony, he's a great conversationalist." He managed a little smile.
"So why do you think it is that I seem to manage to become invisible to a much greater degree than the others?" Peter asked as they walked down a muggle street nearby, glad they were still dressed in muggle attire from the hotel earlier.
Sirius shrugged. "Not entirely sure. I'd say you disappear because you're short, but then again so is James and he seems to get noticed fairly quickly, it's that hair I reckon, just shagged hair Potter. Remus' just the most gorgeous man on the planet so he stands out naturally." Sirius smiled proudly. "Not that I'm boasting about how sexy he is or anything.
"Anyway Wormtail, how's your love life doing, haven't heard you up to much of late."
Peter sighed. "What can I say? Not doing too fabulously. Thing is, I could probably shag quite a few girls if I wanted to but I can't actually be doing with the hassle, these days I'd sooner have a wank!"
Sirius nodded. "Sounds like you're at the 'I want to find someone to have a relationship' stage. Am I right?"
After considering for a moment the blonde boy nodded. "I guess so but I don't think you'll find it if you go looking. I mean you certainly didn't look for Remus and I'd kill for what you've got, well not literally, you know what I mean, I don't want Moony, I want the same sort of thing as what you have in him, just a female equivalent. I believe in fate, when the time is right it'll find me. Until then I'll just see what comes along." He said as they walked into a florists.
"Didn't realise Remus was that into his flowers." Peter said, raising his pale eyebrows.
"Oh he's a closet flower lover all right. I mean we all like them I guess, but he quite likes being given them. It was Valentines Day and I made dinner for us both, Lily taught me how to do it magically so I wouldn't burn it, and we'd bought other presents but I just bought a big bunch of flowers and shoved them on the table and he totally loved them. Came out with something about vibrant symbols of delicate life. Typically Remus, you know what he's like when he describes things in his own little way, blabbers on trying to justify himself and realises he can't so just pouts until you nod. Merlin I love him, please let him be ok." Sirius bit his lip.
"Hey." Peter reached over and squeezed his hand. "You've been so positive for him, you're being really brave. He's tough Paddy, you've said it yourself. You're going to get through this, both of you. Now go and give him his symbols of delicate life and give him my love."
They hugged as Sirius turned to go through what looked like a disused shop window. Peter wished there was more he could have done, but in situations like this what could you do but hope and wait. TBC
"I saw in a book once about it you know." James was saying to Peter as Lily sat quietly. "It can be really disabling even if you get better. You can loose limbs and have like major organ problems, I'm sure it was this anyhow, he's in a bad way...."
Sirius glowered as he came in. "Since when were you the healer?!" He snapped viciously! "How would you know anything about it? He is fighting so hard and all you can do is talk negatively. You're my best friend James, couldn't you even try to be positive?"
James looked dumbfounded. "Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were there."
Sirius' eyes flashed. "Whether I was there or not you had no right to talk about Remus like that! You should be totally behind him to get better not talking about everything that he could get wrong with him, do you not think he's poorly enough already or something?!"
James muttered his apologies, feeling really bad, it wasn't that he was wishing it upon Remus, it was just his way of expressing his worry, he hadn't meant to cause any harm.
"Sorry isn't good enough right now James, you should just see him, he looks so ill and all he needs is for us to love and support him!" Sirius' anger was spiralling into a quiet, pained voice and James stepped forward and touched his arm soothingly but the longer haired man tried to shrug it off.
"Do you realise just how helpless I feel, watching him wired up to all that new fangled charmed equipment? Sitting there knowing he probably can't hear a word I say, not knowing if he's in pain still or if he'll ever feel anything ever again. Do you honestly know how hard that is? Have you got any idea at all?" His voice was quivering and barely more than a whisper now as he let himself fall into James' arms sobbing.
James swallowed hard against the lump in his throat trying not to let his own emotions get the better of him when Sirius needed his strength. Peter turned his gaze away from Lily, knowing they couldn't look at each other or they too would give way to their tears and now wasn't the time, they could cry for their friend later, he was more like a brother who they all loved, but for now they had to try, hard as it was, to hold it together for Sirius' sake.
"I'd better get back up to Remus." Sirius said as soon as he'd dried his eyes on a fresh tissue, which Lily had produced. He felt better for having a good cry, it was the first time he'd been able to really let it out and it had definitely helped.
"Do you want me to come and sit with you?" Peter asked him quietly. "Bit of moral support."
Sirius thought for a moment and shook his head giving Peter an appreciative, if still weak, smile.
"Well if you change your mind or want anything we're just down here, yeah?" James added, desperate to make up for being so insensitive earlier even though it had been unintentional. Like Sirius had said, they were best mates and he would stay here 24 hours a day for the next month if it would help!
"Sirius, I know you don't want to think about this right now" Lily broached carefully on what she was saying, not wanting Sirius to blow up again as he had at James earlier. "But I need to know what we have to say to the Ministry, you know how they keep tabs on Remus' whereabouts, and it really is up to you because well...Moony can't speak for himself at the moment." She presented the question to Sirius as tactfully as he felt able. "Dumbledore thinks it best we don't give out too many details, just that Remus has been admitted to hospital with a bad infection, give away as little as possible. You know how they are at the moment, watching everyone so carefully because of Voldemort. Dumbledore also said for you to take as much time as you need."
"Fine, Albus knows best." Sirius agreed. "You know what Lily? I never thought about the Ministry, I temporarily actually forgot we were wizards. I was just Sirius and Remus my boyfriend who took ill, right now he is all I can think about."
Sirius slipped himself back into the chair at Remus' bedside and reached once again for his hand. "Hi gorgeous, have you missed me?" He attempted to sound as cheerful as possible. He'd told James that being positive was what Remus needed so he really should try that approach himself.
"I've missed you, then again I always do. Albus' given us some time off until you're a bit better, we can't manage without you, at least I know I couldn't." He paused and took a deep breath realising the implications of what he'd just said and what it could actually mean. "Now I know we were all a bit tired and could have done with at least one day off but this was going a bit far to get us one Rem. Not long though and we'll be going away on a proper holiday. How good does that sound? I don't think I've looked forward to something that much ever! It'll be great to get away for a while just the two of us. We've never really managed more than a couple of days off really together have we, and then we've never been able to really go anywhere, well except to bed, so it's going to be our first proper holiday together. I hope it's as good as I'm expecting, well I know it will be. I could go to Bognor Regis with you and it would be fabulous!
"But I have to say I think the idea of our own little part of Barbados sounds pretty fabulous, private villa and pool and even a private piece of beach, James really came up with the goods when him and Lily found that one last year for themselves didn't they? I actually have this feeling that seeing as it's so secluded where we're staying you will probably suggest having our own nudist beach or something. I can just imagine that being the kind of thing you'd come up with. Funny really, everyone sees me as the extrovert, but they don't know you like I do. And I'll be dressed as the Wizard on tour as you call me, even though I wear loads of muggle clothes may I add, and you'll be swanning about stark naked going 'Sirius, would you relax!' I can't say I have a problem with you and no clothes though. You'll come up with a reason like 'but it's so hot Padfoot, it makes me feel more liberated.' Or some bull like that. I'm telling you now, your arse with a nice tan, God I could be in the Arctic Circle and I reckon I'd be hot!"
"Ahem." Remus' Dad cleared his throat. Sirius thought he might just die right then of embarrassment. It was pretty obvious that his lover's parents had heard at least the last bit of his little speech about their holiday. He managed to turn to look at them even though he was a nice shade of crimson. "Julius, Cassandra."
Remus' mother was crying silently and her husband's face was very grave. "I don't know if he can hear or not, I'm just trying to talk to him as much as possible." He reached out his spare hand and stroked Remus' hair and then got up to let Cassandra have a seat, her legs seemed to be struggling to hold her.
"We've spoken to the healer, he says we won't know anything for another 12hours or so about the drugs working. He reckons we're more likely to know if they aren't working." Julius told Sirius.
"This can't happen, I can't believe it." Mrs Lupin was ringing her hands and looked almost afraid to touch her son for fear he would break when he looked so fragile. "All of his life, just one thing after another, does he get no peace? What did he ever do to deserve this apart from being an innocent but curious child?"
"You need time to be with him. I need to go and get him some things. If anything at all changes with him will you please get word to me immediately and I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not going far, but I think it's probably better if I leave him alone with you for a little bit."
Cassandra nodded, still in a complete state of shock but Julius touched Sirius' arm, "Son don't feel you have to go because of us. We know you love him easily as much as us."
"I know you do, but I do want to get some things for him and I know at least while you're here he's got people who love him around him and he won't be lonely if he can hear us. Just keep talking to him yeah?" Sirius went across and kissed Remus again on the head, unable to get at his lips for the tubes down his throat before kissing Cassandra and patting Julius' back. "Remember call me if there is anything!"
"Look you know, there isn't much point in you lot all hanging around here all the time." Sirius said upon walking into a room of anxious faces. "James why don't you go home with Lily and the bump, St. Mungo's isn't the place for a pregnant woman, just spend some time together, situations like this make time like that so valuable. I'm ok here, well actually I need to pop out and get some stuff but you all needn't sit here."
"His parents have arrived, I just don't know what to say to them, I kind of feel responsible because it was me there when all this kicked off. I know that's ridiculous because there's no way they're blaming me, I'm not even really blaming myself, nobody could have stopped this, Merlin I wish I could, but I still feel some kind of guilt towards them. Anyhow, I need to get him a few bits and pieces, Pete, will you come with me?"
Peter nodded. "Course I will, anything at all."
Sirius, out of the corner of his eye saw James' brow furrow ever so slightly, wondering if his friend was holding it against him for his slip up earlier. "It's nothing personal mate, he just disappears into crowds better than you, people magnet as it were!" Sirius whispered in his ear giving him a hug.
"I might floo you at home later if that's ok, come and have a sit with me and Moony, he's a great conversationalist." He managed a little smile.
"So why do you think it is that I seem to manage to become invisible to a much greater degree than the others?" Peter asked as they walked down a muggle street nearby, glad they were still dressed in muggle attire from the hotel earlier.
Sirius shrugged. "Not entirely sure. I'd say you disappear because you're short, but then again so is James and he seems to get noticed fairly quickly, it's that hair I reckon, just shagged hair Potter. Remus' just the most gorgeous man on the planet so he stands out naturally." Sirius smiled proudly. "Not that I'm boasting about how sexy he is or anything.
"Anyway Wormtail, how's your love life doing, haven't heard you up to much of late."
Peter sighed. "What can I say? Not doing too fabulously. Thing is, I could probably shag quite a few girls if I wanted to but I can't actually be doing with the hassle, these days I'd sooner have a wank!"
Sirius nodded. "Sounds like you're at the 'I want to find someone to have a relationship' stage. Am I right?"
After considering for a moment the blonde boy nodded. "I guess so but I don't think you'll find it if you go looking. I mean you certainly didn't look for Remus and I'd kill for what you've got, well not literally, you know what I mean, I don't want Moony, I want the same sort of thing as what you have in him, just a female equivalent. I believe in fate, when the time is right it'll find me. Until then I'll just see what comes along." He said as they walked into a florists.
"Didn't realise Remus was that into his flowers." Peter said, raising his pale eyebrows.
"Oh he's a closet flower lover all right. I mean we all like them I guess, but he quite likes being given them. It was Valentines Day and I made dinner for us both, Lily taught me how to do it magically so I wouldn't burn it, and we'd bought other presents but I just bought a big bunch of flowers and shoved them on the table and he totally loved them. Came out with something about vibrant symbols of delicate life. Typically Remus, you know what he's like when he describes things in his own little way, blabbers on trying to justify himself and realises he can't so just pouts until you nod. Merlin I love him, please let him be ok." Sirius bit his lip.
"Hey." Peter reached over and squeezed his hand. "You've been so positive for him, you're being really brave. He's tough Paddy, you've said it yourself. You're going to get through this, both of you. Now go and give him his symbols of delicate life and give him my love."
They hugged as Sirius turned to go through what looked like a disused shop window. Peter wished there was more he could have done, but in situations like this what could you do but hope and wait. TBC