James nodded and quickly threw some clothes on and splashed some cold water
onto his face. "Lily darling, I'm just going to the hospital with Sirius to
see Remus, you just stay here and rest, you need it what with the baby." He
gently caressed her auburn tresses before planting a kiss on her forehead,
ever so grateful it wasn't him standing in Sirius' shoes right now.
"What have they said?" James asked as soon as they had apparated to the hospital.
"Don't know, said there was complications and could I get here quick. I'm terrified. We've been together a year today, what if it's all we've been given, just a year? They say you're better to have loved and lost then never to have loved. Well that's a load of crap, I'd sooner that I'd never found this then have it snatched from me, it's horrible, I just want him to get better."
"Just come through here and we'll discuss what has happened...." Sirius cut off the healer mid-flow.
"Can't you tell me this in with Remus? I want to be with him...I should never have gone home this is all my fault. Shit! Why didn't I go home with him earlier, maybe we could have stopped this. What kind of boyfriend am I? Terrible, that's what!"
He stopped as he felt James' hand grip his shoulder. "Sirius, let the healer speak mate yeah?" He smiled comfortingly.
"The nurses are just cleaning Remus up a little bit then you can go into him again. Just take a seat and I'll explain what's going on." He showed the two worried men into a side room and waited until they were seated before perching on the edge of a chair himself.
"Why are they cleaning him up? What's happened to him....I take it he hasn't woken up....Is this bad....?" Sirius realised he was about to start twittering again so stopped and looked imploringly into the healers grey eyes. "Remus has suffered from quite a large fit Mr. Black. It caused him to have rather a severe nosebleed and a good deal of frothing at the mouth." Sirius' hand flew up to his mouth, his poor darling. "This isn't unusual with a condition like Remus', it occurs due to the trauma all of his organs are under and a confusion of signals within the body due to the state of consciousness that he is in. As he has low blood pressure anyhow and he has just lost quite a lot of fluids we've stepped up his drip to try to re- hydrate him and fortunately his organs still seem to be holding up which is a good sign. Our main concern is that a seizure as strong as that can cause some degree of impairment. At the moment it would be impossible to say and only if he wakes up will we be able to tell if there is any damage done. For now he is still critical but we have stabilised him."
"You mean when he wakes up!" Sirius spat, a little more coldly than he meant. "Remus wouldn't give up on me if it were the other way round and I'll be damned before I give up on him."
The healer nodded understandingly. "I'll take you through to him."
Sirius bit his lip sadly, trying to stop the trembling as he walked into the room. He noted the drip moving quicker but otherwise Remus looked much the same, paler perhaps, but that would be difficult seeing as he was virtually transparent in the first place.
"James...I feel awful but...."
James nodded, knowing immediately what Sirius meant. "It's ok, I'll leave you alone with him, and don't feel guilty for dragging me here in the middle of the night, I'd much sooner you do that than go alone scared, alright." He squeezed Sirius' arm and disappeared.
Sirius pulled the chair back to Remus' bedside, it must have been moved when he had his funny turn he thought. "You're doing a good job of terrifying me you bugger!" Sirius said shakily entwining his fingers with Remus'. "We're going to get through this Moony... I know you're not getting better really, but you're still fighting right? That's got to mean something... and you seem to get worse when I'm not there...that's it....make me feel even worse! I promise I am here now until you wake up, even if it means peeing in a bedpan and not getting washed for a month, I'll sleep here holding your hand, talk when I'm awake, anything but I'm not leaving your side, not after what's gone on tonight."
"Remember at Christmas, we weren't together, it was terrible. Well it was my own fault. When you asked whose family we were going to and I said I was going to James' parents and thought you'd have been going to yours, wrong answer Sirius or what?! 'Nice of you to consider me then wasn't it? Kind of you to ask for my thoughts on it? Great of you to include me in your plans!' You sounded really pissed off, I have a feeling that probably was because you were really pissed off. It wasn't that I had purposefully left you out, you were more than welcome to come with me, I guess I will admit I didn't relish the thought of Christmas at your house and I kind of knew that you would want to go there and I just was putting off the issue as long as possible, I was just going to let you decide, but apparently I should already have done it. From now on we go on alternate years to different people right? Because James' parents have really treat me like their own.
"But anyhow I'd sparked you off and you were being really grumpy and basically picking on me about the whole affair, if I'm allowed to say so you were being an unreasonable git, you didn't really give me a chance to discuss it, just went for the jugular that I was selfish and didn't care. Well I just saw red didn't I, and snapped at you 'For Merlin's sake Remus we aren't a married couple you know!' It just slipped out....I hadn't even meant it, it was more a figure of speech than anything else but when I saw the hurt flash through your eyes I felt rotten! I had really hurt you, I know that getting married isn't for us, but let's face it, we're better together than most people that are married so we're as good as married in my opinion, better than married, totally besotted with each other. But the way I was talking that day it probably didn't look too good did it?"
"We made it up pretty quickly, we both apologised for what we'd said, I think we both knew neither of us had meant it. But pride still got in the way didn't it. We both did go our separate ways Christmas Eve. I cried when I went to bed that night; I couldn't sleep. It was horrible, it was Christmas and you're meant to be with people special to you. Now I love James' family dearly, I'm so very close to them, but suddenly I didn't need to be with them, all I wanted was to be with you. So Christmas morning came and I didn't enjoy opening my presents at all, trying to smile at each one I tore open, they weren't bad presents either. I just wished you'd been there to share them with me. I think I made it until about 11am when I just had to tell Prongs I wouldn't be having dinner with them that day because I couldn't bear being away from you. It was worth a disappointed look on my his Mum's face to see the delight on yours when I appeared. Even your Mum said I'd put a smile on your face, it wasn't like her to admit that I could do that back then to me, but that's all in the past, we're all family now, proper family, who all love and care about each other I think.
"We vowed that night that we wouldn't spend another night apart, we needed each other too much. Obsessive perhaps, but I think it's quite nice to love someone that much...see the proper married couple get sick of the sight of each other and are glad for their fair share of the quilt now and again, so I was right we're not like a normal married couple. We're a million times better, and you can have my share of the quilt whenever you want it....if you want me to sleep in the spare room that is." Sirius laughed slightly, thinking that if Remus were awake he'd be laughing at how cheesy he sounded, but he'd be glowing inside at the words, it would make him feel special.
"Oh Merlin, do you realise how special you are? The sun's coming up now, I know we're in a scabby hospital, well actually it's not bad for a hospital, having seen what some of those muggle ones look like, but I wish you could wake up so we could watch it together, I know you're a great one for a bit of romance. Sadly this isn't one of them soppy romance novels that Lily reads where the girl will wake up at just the right moment and all will be fabulous! Not that I want any girl, just you, always and only you.
"We've had some good times haven't we? We'll have a lot more too if I have my way. If you dare to die on me! You won't though, I know you won't" Sirius said quietly, running his fingers through Remus' hair. "I don't know how I know, I just do, but we're going to be ok. It's going to be alright in the end, it's just to test us, to make me realise how much I love you, as if I didn't realise how precious you were already. And you really are precious so you'd better wake up so I can show you just how goddamn precious you are!" "I called you that on that balcony that night in Japan when we were sent out there by Dumbledore, can you remember that sleepyhead? I do, I think it was probably the best night of my life, every night with you is fabulous, just like every day, but that was extra special for some reason. I'd popped through to see Peter when you were in the bath. He'd had a fight with James, in trouble for hero worship I think, and had been a bit upset about it I think. Now, they're like a married couple if ever there was one, the way they bicker on sometimes, can you imagine the horror in their faces if I told them something like that?!" He sniggered slightly imagining Peter's embarrassment and James' indignance.
"When I came back the balcony door was open and you were looking over it with a little silk gown on. It blended in to the late night sky and the moon flashed over it. You turned and smiled at me and you looked so attractive that my breath caught in my throat. I hadn't even realised that I had taken everything off down to my boxers before I felt the humid air on my skin as I stepped out behind you and encircled you in my arms. As I kissed your neck and felt you lean back into me, moaning softly, you tilted your head to one side and the half moon reflected gold and silver light through your dark blond hair. That's when I called you precious, more precious than any metal or object. Funny how the moon does you so much harm but makes you look oh so very beautiful." Sirius sighed at the memory.
"It was such a beautiful night, the sky was such a deep blue and the moon and stars so bright, it was very romantic. Before long I'd slipped my hands up the back of the tiny gown you had on, you were naked underneath, I knew you would be long before feeling the smooth curve of your arse. I could talk about the dimensions of your arse and everything else about it for hours, but seeing as it is yours I don't think you need me to tell you anything about it, you know your own arse after all."
Sirius cleared his throat and shook his head at the way he was talking, he'd never talked like this is in his whole life, there was something very liberating and refreshing about it. "I slid my hands up across your back and pushed it from your shoulders and it fell to puddle around your feet. As I reached my arms around you and gently stroked at your chest I felt your hand rubbing my hip, pushing my boxers down. It didn't matter that we were both totally naked on the balcony of a large and posh muggle hotel, anybody could have seen us but it didn't even cross my mind. The only people who existed at that moment for me was the two of us, cocooned in our own little world. I certainly wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. I'd never be ashamed of what I feel for you. Merlin Remy, if someone had told me just over a year ago that I'd be having sex with my old school room mate, outside in Japan, on a muggle hotel balcony I'd have thought they needed to see a psychiatrist, but nothing felt more natural than to make love there."
"And so we did make love, me pressed up behind you looking out at the midnight sky over that balcony. We moved so slowly together as I stroked your pliable skin, the moonlight glimmering off your tanned flesh. You whimpered and then cried out as I brought you to orgasm and followed you myself straight away. It felt so intimate the way it had all happened; there was something ethereal about it. I like that word ethereal, delicate and unworldly, it describes you very well, so beautiful." He sucked the tips of Remus' fingers softly, comforting himself with the familiarity of their taste.
"Afterwards I collapsed back into one of the chairs and you clambered into my lap and rested your head onto my shoulder, out of breath. I remember you saying to me 'It's a good job nobody was walking underneath when I came, it's never been that intense before, they'd have got a shower they certainly hadn't bargained for.' It was amusing but at the same time I couldn't help smiling at the fact it had been so wonderful for you, just like it had been for me. It's like one of those moments you want to frame and keep it in a box to relive again and again, like magic, it was magical." He couldn't help but smile slightly, of course it was magic, after all they both were magic!
"We sat like that for a good time after that, just talking to each other. You'd brought a bottle of wine out for us to share before I'd come back and we sipped it together, you still in my lap as we whispered softly to each other, nuzzling and kissing gently all the time too. I don't know how long we sat like that but you had fallen asleep and I just sat with you there, running my fingers through your soft golden hair. You looked so adorable it made my heart hurt almost at how amazing you were, and it didn't matter that my legs were aching from supporting your weight for so long, nothing mattered but the fact you were cradled in my arms, so peaceful and relaxed that you were sleeping there like a baby. It was only when you shivered slightly as the breeze became cooler against your bare skin that I picked you up and laid you in bed. You didn't wake up; just instinctively found your way back into my arms as I flicked out the light and joined you under the covers. As I drifted into a deep sleep I couldn't help but think that Merlin was smiling down on me when he sent me you, you really are one in a million Rem." Sirius leant down and placed a lingering kiss on his lover's nose and tightened his grip on his fingers, overwhelmed by his love.
"Remus?! Remus? Can you hear me?" Sirius almost yelled at him leaping up excitedly from his seat. "Squeeze my fingers again. Open your eyes!" But there was nothing. He knew he hadn't just imagined it, he had felt Remus grip his hand back. "Nurse! I think he might be improving. He squeezed my hand back." The pristine lady walked into the young werewolf's room and checked him over. Like Sirius she tried to get a response from Remus but couldn't manage. TBC
"What have they said?" James asked as soon as they had apparated to the hospital.
"Don't know, said there was complications and could I get here quick. I'm terrified. We've been together a year today, what if it's all we've been given, just a year? They say you're better to have loved and lost then never to have loved. Well that's a load of crap, I'd sooner that I'd never found this then have it snatched from me, it's horrible, I just want him to get better."
"Just come through here and we'll discuss what has happened...." Sirius cut off the healer mid-flow.
"Can't you tell me this in with Remus? I want to be with him...I should never have gone home this is all my fault. Shit! Why didn't I go home with him earlier, maybe we could have stopped this. What kind of boyfriend am I? Terrible, that's what!"
He stopped as he felt James' hand grip his shoulder. "Sirius, let the healer speak mate yeah?" He smiled comfortingly.
"The nurses are just cleaning Remus up a little bit then you can go into him again. Just take a seat and I'll explain what's going on." He showed the two worried men into a side room and waited until they were seated before perching on the edge of a chair himself.
"Why are they cleaning him up? What's happened to him....I take it he hasn't woken up....Is this bad....?" Sirius realised he was about to start twittering again so stopped and looked imploringly into the healers grey eyes. "Remus has suffered from quite a large fit Mr. Black. It caused him to have rather a severe nosebleed and a good deal of frothing at the mouth." Sirius' hand flew up to his mouth, his poor darling. "This isn't unusual with a condition like Remus', it occurs due to the trauma all of his organs are under and a confusion of signals within the body due to the state of consciousness that he is in. As he has low blood pressure anyhow and he has just lost quite a lot of fluids we've stepped up his drip to try to re- hydrate him and fortunately his organs still seem to be holding up which is a good sign. Our main concern is that a seizure as strong as that can cause some degree of impairment. At the moment it would be impossible to say and only if he wakes up will we be able to tell if there is any damage done. For now he is still critical but we have stabilised him."
"You mean when he wakes up!" Sirius spat, a little more coldly than he meant. "Remus wouldn't give up on me if it were the other way round and I'll be damned before I give up on him."
The healer nodded understandingly. "I'll take you through to him."
Sirius bit his lip sadly, trying to stop the trembling as he walked into the room. He noted the drip moving quicker but otherwise Remus looked much the same, paler perhaps, but that would be difficult seeing as he was virtually transparent in the first place.
"James...I feel awful but...."
James nodded, knowing immediately what Sirius meant. "It's ok, I'll leave you alone with him, and don't feel guilty for dragging me here in the middle of the night, I'd much sooner you do that than go alone scared, alright." He squeezed Sirius' arm and disappeared.
Sirius pulled the chair back to Remus' bedside, it must have been moved when he had his funny turn he thought. "You're doing a good job of terrifying me you bugger!" Sirius said shakily entwining his fingers with Remus'. "We're going to get through this Moony... I know you're not getting better really, but you're still fighting right? That's got to mean something... and you seem to get worse when I'm not there...that's it....make me feel even worse! I promise I am here now until you wake up, even if it means peeing in a bedpan and not getting washed for a month, I'll sleep here holding your hand, talk when I'm awake, anything but I'm not leaving your side, not after what's gone on tonight."
"Remember at Christmas, we weren't together, it was terrible. Well it was my own fault. When you asked whose family we were going to and I said I was going to James' parents and thought you'd have been going to yours, wrong answer Sirius or what?! 'Nice of you to consider me then wasn't it? Kind of you to ask for my thoughts on it? Great of you to include me in your plans!' You sounded really pissed off, I have a feeling that probably was because you were really pissed off. It wasn't that I had purposefully left you out, you were more than welcome to come with me, I guess I will admit I didn't relish the thought of Christmas at your house and I kind of knew that you would want to go there and I just was putting off the issue as long as possible, I was just going to let you decide, but apparently I should already have done it. From now on we go on alternate years to different people right? Because James' parents have really treat me like their own.
"But anyhow I'd sparked you off and you were being really grumpy and basically picking on me about the whole affair, if I'm allowed to say so you were being an unreasonable git, you didn't really give me a chance to discuss it, just went for the jugular that I was selfish and didn't care. Well I just saw red didn't I, and snapped at you 'For Merlin's sake Remus we aren't a married couple you know!' It just slipped out....I hadn't even meant it, it was more a figure of speech than anything else but when I saw the hurt flash through your eyes I felt rotten! I had really hurt you, I know that getting married isn't for us, but let's face it, we're better together than most people that are married so we're as good as married in my opinion, better than married, totally besotted with each other. But the way I was talking that day it probably didn't look too good did it?"
"We made it up pretty quickly, we both apologised for what we'd said, I think we both knew neither of us had meant it. But pride still got in the way didn't it. We both did go our separate ways Christmas Eve. I cried when I went to bed that night; I couldn't sleep. It was horrible, it was Christmas and you're meant to be with people special to you. Now I love James' family dearly, I'm so very close to them, but suddenly I didn't need to be with them, all I wanted was to be with you. So Christmas morning came and I didn't enjoy opening my presents at all, trying to smile at each one I tore open, they weren't bad presents either. I just wished you'd been there to share them with me. I think I made it until about 11am when I just had to tell Prongs I wouldn't be having dinner with them that day because I couldn't bear being away from you. It was worth a disappointed look on my his Mum's face to see the delight on yours when I appeared. Even your Mum said I'd put a smile on your face, it wasn't like her to admit that I could do that back then to me, but that's all in the past, we're all family now, proper family, who all love and care about each other I think.
"We vowed that night that we wouldn't spend another night apart, we needed each other too much. Obsessive perhaps, but I think it's quite nice to love someone that much...see the proper married couple get sick of the sight of each other and are glad for their fair share of the quilt now and again, so I was right we're not like a normal married couple. We're a million times better, and you can have my share of the quilt whenever you want it....if you want me to sleep in the spare room that is." Sirius laughed slightly, thinking that if Remus were awake he'd be laughing at how cheesy he sounded, but he'd be glowing inside at the words, it would make him feel special.
"Oh Merlin, do you realise how special you are? The sun's coming up now, I know we're in a scabby hospital, well actually it's not bad for a hospital, having seen what some of those muggle ones look like, but I wish you could wake up so we could watch it together, I know you're a great one for a bit of romance. Sadly this isn't one of them soppy romance novels that Lily reads where the girl will wake up at just the right moment and all will be fabulous! Not that I want any girl, just you, always and only you.
"We've had some good times haven't we? We'll have a lot more too if I have my way. If you dare to die on me! You won't though, I know you won't" Sirius said quietly, running his fingers through Remus' hair. "I don't know how I know, I just do, but we're going to be ok. It's going to be alright in the end, it's just to test us, to make me realise how much I love you, as if I didn't realise how precious you were already. And you really are precious so you'd better wake up so I can show you just how goddamn precious you are!" "I called you that on that balcony that night in Japan when we were sent out there by Dumbledore, can you remember that sleepyhead? I do, I think it was probably the best night of my life, every night with you is fabulous, just like every day, but that was extra special for some reason. I'd popped through to see Peter when you were in the bath. He'd had a fight with James, in trouble for hero worship I think, and had been a bit upset about it I think. Now, they're like a married couple if ever there was one, the way they bicker on sometimes, can you imagine the horror in their faces if I told them something like that?!" He sniggered slightly imagining Peter's embarrassment and James' indignance.
"When I came back the balcony door was open and you were looking over it with a little silk gown on. It blended in to the late night sky and the moon flashed over it. You turned and smiled at me and you looked so attractive that my breath caught in my throat. I hadn't even realised that I had taken everything off down to my boxers before I felt the humid air on my skin as I stepped out behind you and encircled you in my arms. As I kissed your neck and felt you lean back into me, moaning softly, you tilted your head to one side and the half moon reflected gold and silver light through your dark blond hair. That's when I called you precious, more precious than any metal or object. Funny how the moon does you so much harm but makes you look oh so very beautiful." Sirius sighed at the memory.
"It was such a beautiful night, the sky was such a deep blue and the moon and stars so bright, it was very romantic. Before long I'd slipped my hands up the back of the tiny gown you had on, you were naked underneath, I knew you would be long before feeling the smooth curve of your arse. I could talk about the dimensions of your arse and everything else about it for hours, but seeing as it is yours I don't think you need me to tell you anything about it, you know your own arse after all."
Sirius cleared his throat and shook his head at the way he was talking, he'd never talked like this is in his whole life, there was something very liberating and refreshing about it. "I slid my hands up across your back and pushed it from your shoulders and it fell to puddle around your feet. As I reached my arms around you and gently stroked at your chest I felt your hand rubbing my hip, pushing my boxers down. It didn't matter that we were both totally naked on the balcony of a large and posh muggle hotel, anybody could have seen us but it didn't even cross my mind. The only people who existed at that moment for me was the two of us, cocooned in our own little world. I certainly wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. I'd never be ashamed of what I feel for you. Merlin Remy, if someone had told me just over a year ago that I'd be having sex with my old school room mate, outside in Japan, on a muggle hotel balcony I'd have thought they needed to see a psychiatrist, but nothing felt more natural than to make love there."
"And so we did make love, me pressed up behind you looking out at the midnight sky over that balcony. We moved so slowly together as I stroked your pliable skin, the moonlight glimmering off your tanned flesh. You whimpered and then cried out as I brought you to orgasm and followed you myself straight away. It felt so intimate the way it had all happened; there was something ethereal about it. I like that word ethereal, delicate and unworldly, it describes you very well, so beautiful." He sucked the tips of Remus' fingers softly, comforting himself with the familiarity of their taste.
"Afterwards I collapsed back into one of the chairs and you clambered into my lap and rested your head onto my shoulder, out of breath. I remember you saying to me 'It's a good job nobody was walking underneath when I came, it's never been that intense before, they'd have got a shower they certainly hadn't bargained for.' It was amusing but at the same time I couldn't help smiling at the fact it had been so wonderful for you, just like it had been for me. It's like one of those moments you want to frame and keep it in a box to relive again and again, like magic, it was magical." He couldn't help but smile slightly, of course it was magic, after all they both were magic!
"We sat like that for a good time after that, just talking to each other. You'd brought a bottle of wine out for us to share before I'd come back and we sipped it together, you still in my lap as we whispered softly to each other, nuzzling and kissing gently all the time too. I don't know how long we sat like that but you had fallen asleep and I just sat with you there, running my fingers through your soft golden hair. You looked so adorable it made my heart hurt almost at how amazing you were, and it didn't matter that my legs were aching from supporting your weight for so long, nothing mattered but the fact you were cradled in my arms, so peaceful and relaxed that you were sleeping there like a baby. It was only when you shivered slightly as the breeze became cooler against your bare skin that I picked you up and laid you in bed. You didn't wake up; just instinctively found your way back into my arms as I flicked out the light and joined you under the covers. As I drifted into a deep sleep I couldn't help but think that Merlin was smiling down on me when he sent me you, you really are one in a million Rem." Sirius leant down and placed a lingering kiss on his lover's nose and tightened his grip on his fingers, overwhelmed by his love.
"Remus?! Remus? Can you hear me?" Sirius almost yelled at him leaping up excitedly from his seat. "Squeeze my fingers again. Open your eyes!" But there was nothing. He knew he hadn't just imagined it, he had felt Remus grip his hand back. "Nurse! I think he might be improving. He squeezed my hand back." The pristine lady walked into the young werewolf's room and checked him over. Like Sirius she tried to get a response from Remus but couldn't manage. TBC