Complications

By Dimantrien

Chapter 8: Emotional Pandemonium

8: 30 pm. There were thirty minutes left till the students' curfew, but Lily didn't feel like whiling away the remaining half hour outside the Gryffindor Tower. For one, she didn't have company, and for another, she didn't want to run into…some people. Nevertheless, she was fine just staying where she was, and that was lying sprawled on her bed, thinking about nothing. Or at least, trying to think about nothing, which seemed to be so hard to do at the moment.

Just then the door banged open. Lily lifted her head slightly to glimpse the new arrival: Chase. She sat up, looking at her generally calm friend appearing uncommonly fuming.

"Hey. Bad night?" Lily asked uncertainly as Chase stalked up to her own bed. She had just gotten back to being friends with Chase again, and she didn't want to lose that after less than twenty-four hours.

Chase covered her face with her hands and fell back first onto her bed. "Not at all."

Lily stood up and inspected the impression in the wall made by the doorknob that appeared after Chase flung the door open—hard. She recalled hearing Celeste doing the same thing with the marauders' dorm room's door only days ago. She heard it because she could hear the resounding bang so loudly—and she was in the girls' dormitory then. She wondered what was up with the twins and their wall-denting tendencies. "Yeah, I can see that by the way you so carefully made your entrance."

Chase groaned. "Fine, so I'm not feeling so dandy tonight. Let's leave it at that."

Under ordinary conditions, Lily knew she shouldn't be pushing it, but Chase showing her anger openly was definitely not normal. "Well… since being furious is so unlike you, I don't think I can 'leave it at that' without having a sleepless night wondering what the hell got you so riled up," she pointed out.

Chase turned to look at her and scowled. "Knowing you, that translates as nagging me until I tell you what's bothering me, which will leave both of us sleepless," she countered.

Lily laughed. "Since you know me so well, shouldn't you just resign to the inevitable and spill instead of formulating your usual one-liner quips?"

 Chase sighed in resignation. "All right already. See, I skipped dinner because I had to meet up with Severus for our Potions project—"

"Wait, don't tell me, he was being a git as usual and that caused you to get mad on top of having an empty stomach," Lily guessed.

Chase shook her head. "Severus hasn't given me a hard time since we started meeting up in our free time," she said matter-of-factly. "If you must really know, it was Sirius who was acting like a git."

"Sirius?" Lily repeated in a puzzled voice. "But what did he do to you?"

"Well, after we made up, I suddenly remembered that I left my bottle of powdered unicorn horn in the dungeons, and when I went back there to get it, I saw Sirius hexing Severus and James just standing there, staring off into space."

Lily felt her stomach churn at the mention of James but ignored it. "So? That isn't anything out of the ordinary, is it?" she said instead, chuckling weakly. Damn James Potter and the effect his mere name had on her!

Chase's eyes flashed, making Lily suddenly regret what she said. But…why should she? The marauders jinxing Snape was not exactly front-page news.

"I guess I didn't say it more clearly; I meant Sirius was looking murderous and attempted hexing Severus who was completely helpless with the Full Body Bind on him, and the idiot's excuse of acting the way he did was because he's stupid enough to think that he should decide who my friends ought to be, like I was a dolt who couldn't distinguish a decent friend from an incompetent slob by myself," Chase said, the underlying tone of spite in her voice giving away the fact that she wasn't as indifferent as she usually was.

Now Lily was even more confused. "But what does that have to do with him cursing Snape?" And since when did you start referring to that grease head by his first name? she added silently, though her instincts told her not to say it aloud.

Chase rolled her eyes. "He seems to have a problem with me being friends with Severus—"

"WHAT!" Lily shouted, her mind reeling. Suddenly she understood everything. "Don't tell me you're—friends—with that…that…"

"You're just as bad as Sirius is," Chase complained, her expression going from anger at Sirius to irritation at the redhead.

"Fine, so…so, you're friends with Snape," Lily said hurriedly, not wanting to annoy her friend. She felt weird saying the words; Snape and friend just didn't go together. "Well, don't expect me not to be shocked since it was less than three months ago when you yourself were hexing him on the school train just for the fun of it!" she suddenly said exasperatedly, not finding anything else to say.

"I bet that was exactly what Sirius thought too," Chase muttered under her breath. "Well, the point is, he's my friend now, and as much as I didn't like him before that doesn't give Sirius the right to step in and tell me our friendship is off-limits."

Lily just gaped at her, at a loss for words for a moment. The phrase Chase and Snape are friends was still registering itself in her brain. Then a thought occurred to her. "Wait a minute, don't tell me you fancy Snape…"

Chase laughed. "Oh, it's nothing like that. I just realized that he's a pretty decent person, once you look at him a couple of times when he's hex-free and in a good mood."

"Considering his House…" A decent Slytherin is like a Hagrid who despises life-threatening, fanged beasts, Lily thought.

"Right. But I think I've got him pretty much convinced not to keep on with that Mudblood rubbish…"

Lily barely heard her. Padfoot is furious with their being friends, well, that's understandable because he's always so protective of her. And I guess Snape can be an OK guy sometimes…wait, what am I saying? A normal person would definitely not think that…Then again, Chase isn't exactly a normal girl…

"…so arrogant, I can't believe he could think that he can control my decisions…"

But why should Chase be mad at Sirius? She's never cared what Sirius thinks, what anybody thinks, for that matter… She hasn't been acting like herself for the past few days, first having a fight with me and now ranting about Sirius…ever since Sirius and Rhiannon—"Wait a minute!!!" These three words she said aloud, cutting off Chase's tirade.

"What are you saying?" Chase said blankly as the door opened, admitting Rhiannon.

The two friends glanced at the doorway at the breathless blonde. Chase stiffened and stopped talking; Lily smiled and waved hello.

Rhiannon didn't seem to notice Chase's lackluster attitude and turned to Lily. "Lily! You've gotta come quick! We've only got fifteen minutes till curfew…" She strode over to Lily's bed and tugged at her arm, pulling her from the bed and dragging her to the doorway.

"Hey, hey, wait just a second! What are you doing and where are we going—?" Lily started to demand.

Rhiannon didn't give her a straight answer. "It's really important, c'mon! Oh yeah, Chase, you don't mind me borrowing her for a few minutes, right?"

"Sure," Chase said in a tone that Lily recognized as forced cheerfulness.

Lily didn't protest as she was half-dragged to the portrait hole by the energetic girl.

She could tell Chase about her sudden realization later.

***** 

Damaris waited restlessly for Rhiannon to come back, half-hoping that she didn't have the emerald-eyed redhead with her. She knew that she had to get her apology over with, but for the past fifteen minutes she'd been here alone, she couldn't properly form an appropriate way of saying sorry what with her panic and uncertainty that Lily would be willing to talk to her.

Let's see… I'm really sorry, I had no idea you and James were a couple, I just didn't know what I was thinking at that time… No, that won't work… I'm really, really, really sorry… no, too many "really's" will make it sound insincere… How about—

"I'm back!" Rhiannon's singsong voice interrupted the stillness, doubling Damaris' panic as she heard two sets of footsteps approaching the classroom.

Her best friend stepped into the room, followed by Lily Evans, who instantly tensed the moment she registered what this was all about. Lily glared at her before whirling around to face Rhiannon, probably to go off on her for bringing her here.

Rhiannon held up a hand. "Wait. Before you blow up at me, Damaris wants to say something." She stared pointedly at the nervous brunette who was fidgeting with her wand and averting her eyes from Lily.

As soon as Damaris risked a glance at the fiery redhead, she instantly lost all shreds of courage left. Lily's mouth was a thin line that reminded Damaris a bit of how McGonagall looked when she was angry, and her right hand was inside her robe pocket, as if she was ready to curse Damaris at the slightest provocation.

Damaris took a deep breath. "I…I j-just want to say…"

"Well, get to the point, I don't have all night," Lily snapped spitefully, her glower not fading in the slightest. She started tapping her foot in a staccato pace, making Damaris feel as if Lily were counting down the seconds till her death sentence.

"I-I'm really sorry," Damaris said finally, looking at Lily directly now and willing herself not to flinch under the other girl's death glare. "I never meant to—"

Lily stopped tapping her foot and crossed her arms. "Oh, I see. I've been dragged here to hear an apology. But why is there a little voice in my head telling me that I should have heard this since, what, three days ago? Seems to me as if it's long overdue."

Damaris nodded. She knew she deserved that glare, that quiet yet hate-filled voice. "I know," she said softly. "I should have done it earlier, but I was too scared. But please, please try to understand. I never—I never would have done it if I knew you two were a couple."

"So now you're saying it's my fault that you kissed James?" Lily demanded, her quiet tone cracking and her voice rising. "What, did you expect me to hand out fliers on the first day of school announcing that James Potter and I are a couple to the Zynergrand students?"

"N-no! I'm not blaming you, I'm just trying to say that…that I hate being the reason that you two broke up, and—"

"Of course you'd hate it!" Lily shouted, cutting off her stuttering words. "Who'd want to take the blame? You wish you'd never gotten between us, but here you are. You'd want to do anything to rid yourself of the guilt, don't you? Well, let me tell you one thing. 'Sorry' never gets anybody anywhere! Do you think your apology can take back what James said to me, how much hurt I had to cope with because of that?! Do you think it's that easy to forget a big mistake that an ignorant girl like you 'accidentally' caused?! If 'sorry' would suffice to make people with faults feel good about themselves, then they wouldn't have any guilt to make them as miserable as the ones they inflicted suffering upon! And it'd be ski season in hell before I allow that to happen!!!" Lily stopped to take a deep breath, her face flushed with rage.

Damaris was near tears. Rhiannon started to step toward them with a worried expression on her face, but Damaris shook her head. This was all her fault. She wouldn't let Rhiannon get caught in the crossfire. "I deserved what you said," she said slowly, fighting to swallow the lump that was building in her throat. "And more. I know that sorry will never be enough. If you wanted to, I'd do anything…anything to get you and James back together. I just want you to forgive me."

"I don't need your help to get him back. I don't even know if I want him back, thanks to you," Lily said coldly. "But maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe you two deserve each other. After all, you've got one thing in common, the ability to make somebody feel so hurt without any effort at all. Why don't you get together with him, and discover a lot of other niceties about each other? I'm sure you two share some more horrid qualities, more than what I can clearly see already, anyway." Lily turned on her heel and walked past Rhiannon, her eyes glistening with what were unmistakably angry tears.

Rhiannon grabbed her wrist just as she had a clear field on the door. "Wait, Lily, I'm begging you on this. Please…give her one last chance to apologize—"

"I have to go," Lily said indifferently, trying to tug her wrist free. "I'm wasting my time and breath just standing here. Let me go."

"Lily!" Damaris called her, her lower lip trembling. "Even if you don't want to get back together with James, I'll never touch him. You two are supposed to be together. But if you really don't want him back, at least let me do something for you that could compensate for my mistake. It's not just about me wanting to rid myself of guilt. I don't want to see others looking so upset…and know that I was the cause of their sadness."

For a moment, it looked like Lily's eyes softened, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. "How touching," she said coolly. "Unfortunately, that speech is quite hard to believe as I don't think that there can be many people left in this world who could be so…noble." Lily gave her a disdainful look. Taking advantage of Rhiannon's temporary distraction at hearing Damaris' words, she slipped her wrist out of the blonde girl's grip and took a step toward the door.

"If you still loved James, would you have given her a chance?" Rhiannon spoke quietly.

Lily stopped in her tracks, hesitating for a brief moment. But it was enough for Rhiannon.

"I might have thought about it," was her response. And then she strode out, her footsteps fading as she walked farther and farther away.

Damaris collapsed into a chair, putting her hands over her face and almost as instantly removing them, staring at the tear-stained palms. "That certainly didn't go over too well," she said miserably, the perfect picture of hopelessness.

"I wouldn't say that just yet," Rhiannon replied, her eyes glinting with fresh determination. It doesn't take a skilled Legilimens to know that Lily was lying about not wanting James back, she thought. "Maybe there is something we can still do."

***** 

A three-foot high stack of notes was placed neatly on top of a study table in the common room, and Remus' head was visible just behind it as he scanned them parchment by parchment and highlighted topic headings and important terms with the tip of his wand. Just as he was skimming over Cheering Charms (he was organizing his third year Charms notes), Sirius stumbled inside the entrance, looking half-bewildered, half-upset. Wondering what happened to his friend this time, he restacked his notes and bound them together with a thin rope with a wave of his wand and strolled over to Sirius, who had thrown himself into a cushiony armchair by the fire while a few Gryffindors glanced curiously at him.

"Everything all right, Padfoot?" Remus asked, settling into the armchair opposite Sirius'.

Sirius was looking blankly at him, and then, as if he had just realized that Remus was there, he stirred. "Oh, hiya Moony. Pleasant night, isn't it?" he said vaguely.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, I believe it is. But I was thinking that your answer ought more to have been about why you're acting like a zombie since you went into the common room."

"Right… Hey, Moony, do you think I'm crazy?" Sirius suddenly asked in a serious tone.

It was Remus' turn to put on a blank expression. He figured this was probably some kind of joke that Sirius had formulated, though he couldn't get why he wasn't grinning. "Ever since you hexed Snape with the Disorientation Spell while he was taking his second year practical Potions exam right under Ridgewood's nose."

"That's… I mean, good, I knew you thought that way…" Sirius trailed off, his voice still sounding a bit like he didn't know what exactly he was saying.

Remus raised his eyebrows and stared suspiciously at Sirius, as if he was the one who had been subjected to a Disorientation Spell. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah, yeah, totally fine…"

"Oh yeah? Where've you been?"

For the first time, something like recognition dawned in Sirius' eyes. "Have you seen Chase?"

"Are you going to give me a straight answer tonight at all or should I have to find a way to nick some Veritaserum to force you to make sense?" Remus said irritably.

"But I am making sense," said Sirius in a perplexed voice.

"And I suppose answering my question with a question that is unrelated to what we're talking about is proof that your sanity is not slipping in the slightest," Remus retorted sardonically.

Sirius appeared to be regaining some of his vigor. "If you must know, me and James were walking round the dungeons when we chanced upon Snape and had a nice little chat with him—"

"James joined you in exchanging hexes with Snape?" Remus interrupted with raised eyebrows.

"No, he was just standing there," Sirius said impatiently, finally looking like he was trying to prove a point. "And—you'll never believe what happened next—Chase came storming towards us and shouted that I shouldn't be attacking her friend—"

"Hold on a moment," Remus interjected yet again (Sirius made an annoyed noise), "Are you saying that Chase defended Snape and shouted at you because you were cursing him?"

"Yes," Sirius answered, looking highly disgruntled now.

Remus burst out laughing. "Good one, Padfoot! Didn't expect you'd spring a joke that way, with you acting like a weirdo and all—" His chuckling faltered when he saw Sirius' amusement-free expression.

"I'm serious, Moony," he said stonily, more annoyed than ever.

"I know who you are," Remus said carefully, referring to the age-old serious-Sirius pun, trying to determine whether his friend was pulling his leg again or not. Sirius' face was unusually grave, a sharp difference from the easygoing facial expressions he usually conveyed… "I mean, you're kidding, you've gotta be senile to think that a Gryffindor and a Slytherin could be friends…"

"Yeah, well, that's why I asked you if I was going mad," Sirius said grudgingly, apparently aggravated that Remus wasn't taking his word for it.

"Wait a minute..." Comprehension dawned in Remus' eyes. "That's why they were getting along so well in Potions! Remember, you pointed it out to me the other day?"

"I knew there was something fishy about what she wrote when we were passing notes to each other during Ancient Runes," Sirius said, frowning.

"Well, she must see something in him that we don't, like a possibility of a hidden congenial personality…" Remus trailed off.

"Congenial? That overgrown greasy bat in teenager's clothing? That's like saying an egg can grow hair—"

Remus smiled faintly. "An egg can grow hair if you put a spell on it."

"—of its own free will!" Sirius barreled on, ignoring Remus' remark. "He must've done something to Chase, that git's up to his ears in the Dark Arts, you know! If he laid one greasy finger on her—"

"Chase knows about his love of the Dark Arts, she's not stupid enough to let down her guard around him. I think she really trusts Snape out of her own free will," Remus said matter-of-factly.

"Why are you suddenly reasoning about the friendship thing?! Just seconds ago you were just as indignant about it!" Sirius said angrily.

Remus shook his head. "I don't like it, of course, but it really is Chase's decision who her friends ought to be, Sirius. Maybe that's why she got mad at you, because you were hysterical that she was friends with Snape."

Sirius looked like he was going to say another furious retort, but his face softened a little. "Yeah, she did mention that," he admitted. "But it still doesn't make sense! What has she got to gain with being friends with Snivellus?"

"Possibly a lot of things. Like having peace and order throughout the joint Potions project. Like not having any more pointless duels with him. Like setting him straight that on no account is he to have non-platonic feelings for her any longer—"

"Well, it looks to me as if that's exactly what he's doing!" Sirius said. "He's getting all friendly with her, so that she'll see him in a new light and then he'll try to make her fall in love with him… As if he can, though, with that ugly face of his…"

Remus stared intently at his friend. "Even though that were the case, mate, why should you care?"

Sirius looked outraged. "Why should I not care? Chase can't go out with Snivellus, he's too—Why are you smirking?!" For Remus had broken into a grin.

"Sorry," Remus said hurriedly, "but that's exactly why Chase is annoyed with you, you're acting like she's this fragile butterfly that you need to protect…"

"What's wrong with that?" Sirius demanded.

"What's wrong is that you can't tell her what to do. Chase is independent, she can stand alone without you, Sirius. It's an insult to her—and probably any self-respecting witch, for that matter—that you think she can't go along with her life without your security."

"I didn't say she can't get on with anything by herself," Sirius said heatedly.

"But you were implying it," Remus said gently. "From the way you told me too, that's how you felt about the matter. And for another thing, Padfoot, you can't go around claiming you're her protector. She's not your girlfriend anymore, and might I remind you, you've got a new one, and I don't think Rhiannon would be happy to hear that you care more about Chase than her."

Sirius cursed under his breath. "How do you know about all these things?" he asked finally. "It's not like you're a girl who can understand crazy things that other females do…"

Remus shrugged. "Celeste tells me a lot about Chase and how to guess what she's thinking; it's pretty hard to understand what she feels, you know, what with her being so impassive all the time."

"Right…" Sirius said, looking a bit embarrassed that his friend knew more about his ex-girlfriend than he did.

"Do you still love Chase?" Remus asked him in a low voice, as not to let anybody else in the common room overhear.

Sirius' cheeks flushed. "I…I don't know," he muttered, averting his gaze. The portrait hole opened and Lily came in, and he took the opportunity to mumble a quick "I'm going to bed" and slip away to the boys' dormitory when Remus glanced over distractedly at their redhead friend.

Remus stared at Sirius' retreating back, and saw that the back of his neck was red, like it always was when he was uncomfortably embarrassed. "I do believe you still do, Padfoot," he said quietly, "I do believe you still do."

***** 

A/N – I'm sorry for being late, school is really hectic right now and I've become suspicious that my teachers are harboring a secretly vindictive pleasure in piling us with projects and requirements and practical tests and, of course, making us poor students thoroughly miserable. I'm starting to think I know exactly how Harry felt when all his teachers gave his class a tidal wave of homework over the weeks in his O.W.L. year… And on top of that, my computer broke down and was out of commission for a couple of weeks because of the worm virus thing… I nearly had a heart attack worrying that my files would be erased once my dad had the PC reformatted…plus, he forbade me to use the Internet a few days after that, I s'pose it's paranoia that the worm virus will strike back…

Peeved and problematic,

~Dimantrien