Authors' Notes: Hello all! As promised, here is another chapter of "Sprayed"! And now we start to get down to the truly amusing parts involving Yami no Bakura, Malik, Yami no Malik, and Ryou. And more author notes from me, just as the vacationing PM dreaded. She fears what I'll say here. I have no idea why… just because she's got Ryuuji trapped in her basement… Anyway~! PM and I had a great time writing this. Really, this fic has been a lot of fun for the both of us. Thank you all so much for the reviews on the first chapter. You do realize that by paying us so much attention, our heads are bound to swell. Fear more authoress-related hijinks! Anyway, I'll be putting up another chapter in a week or less, most probably, so look out for it. Fear not, PM and I have a few more chappies stockpiled to last you until she's back. And you can bet that I'll be eagerly plotting out more of this for PM's return. --Neph
Rnij and Mysterious A: Well, you won't have to imagine much longer… hope you enjoy!
Gir: Oh, you'll have to wait a wee bit longer for that, but we hope that the Yami no Malik reaction will be worth the wait! And thank you so much!
Gyakutenno Megami: Er… we had no idea that others used the HP book as weapon! Lol… And if you'd care to see Psychotic!Ryou somewhere, he will be putting in an appearance in our other fic, "Hanekaeri," in the future. He's a bit… scary…
Sarah aka Celebi: Oh, it'll be a great showdown, trust me! Coming very soon!
Elohcin's Hikari: Hehehe… well, glad you're enjoying! I don't know what else we could send him… I guess we'll just see how the skunk goes, maybe follow it up with a few peacocks for PM's sake.
Yami Krissy: Yes, anything to provoke Yami no Malik! So glad you like it. And it was a pretty fast update, I think!
Fuuga Kumi: Thank you so much! And the whole idea of throwing books at PM is to put her out of commission. Nah, I'm kidding! Need her to co-write things, so you know that she's in perfect working order unless she got attacked by an angry band of Norwegians on her trip…
Forbidden-Love: Oh, it's a wee bit more complicated than that, but there will definitely be some Yami no Malik humiliation involved! Hope your craziness has been held in check until now!
Yami no Elessara: Well, wait no longer for the next bit! So glad you like the idea!
Beverly: Thank you! Ha, take that, PM! There's another one in the S/J column who is traumatized by your Yami fanart. *shudders* Hehehe… PM and I just have different tastes… some of the time.
Yami Mikan & co: So glad you like it! You'll definitely be seeing some more of pissed off Yami no Bakura in this fic!
Alicia: Yes, there are going to be more chapters. Several more! Look for an update in about a week or so! Thanks!
onlyHAUNTED: Oh, Malik will be suffering… as will Ryou and Yami no Bakura. Not to mention Yami no Malik! I'm so glad that you like it! Thanks for reading!
Mikazuki Kagaya: Hehehe… don't worry! PM is in perfect condition, unless she gets attacked by some Scottish soccer hooligans on her vacation. Can't write these without her! And PM does have skunk/peacock issues. Oh, and I'm so pleased that we've turned someone on to L&O. It's a great show! And I must say, we're both getting overly fond of Skunkzilla. Be afraid… be very afraid…
Chapter 2
Odor Issues
It had, of course, been rather easy to find Yami no
Malik. After all, when one is a sadistic, darkness-loving freak, there
are only so many places one can reside. And really, when one's hair is
huge and spikey and one has a glowing eye on one's forehead, one tends to be
something of a spectacle. So, it was unsurprising that Neph knew where to
send the package.
Yes, at present, said darkness-loving freak happened to be back in Domino and
visiting at the home of one Bakura Ryou. Well, visiting would be a bit of
a stretch. In truth, he'd just tracked Malik down, and that was where he
happened to be residing at present.
Yami no Malik needed to have a few words with his omote. Or, rather,
needed to issue a few orders, make a few threats, and basically terrorize
him. Ah, yes, that was it.
Naturally, Yami no Malik was not one to knock. Nor was he one for using
the doorbell. So, to put it politely, he simply let himself in, though to
say that he blew the door off of its hinges might be more accurate.
Unsurprisingly, no one was to be seen downstairs at present. That would
be because certain activities were currently going on upstairs...
Malik tilted his gaze up towards Yami no Bakura's, smirking seductively as he
was pinned back against the bed. "I knew that I was right. I
told you that they'd kill off the smallest one first. You really should
learn to listen to me about these things, Bakura..." Malik purred,
lavender eyes sparkling with amusement as he addressed Yami no Bakura in
teasingly patronizing fashion. Malik would never tire of provoking the
tomb robber, and indeed, judging by the other's irate expression, he'd managed
to do so again. "Glaring at me won't make you right..." Malik
taunted, wearing a smug little smile that he knew would vex the one above him
even further.
"Killing you might," Yami no Bakura replied in a
flat voice as he eyed his koi. The smirk was really starting to annoy him, and
he wondered what would be the best way to get rid of it. Although to be
truthful, Yami no Baura had to admit that Malik had been right about which ball
of fuzz would be killed first on that nature show that they'd been watching.
But, being Yami no Bakura, he had an excuse. You see, during the conversation,
the self-proclaimed king of thieves had been distracted by the smell of Malik's
hair. Not that he was about to admit it, but his lover's hair had smelled quite
nice. Not as good as blood, of course, but still quite nice.
Malik smirked, and Yami no Bakura allowed a sneer to come onto his face. Even
if Malik had been right, the Egyptian was still pinned and helpless. Which meant that Yami no Bakura was in control. Which meant that if he wanted to punish Malik, he could. Which meant that he would punish Malik. Which
meant lots and lots of kinky....
Yami no Bakura let the word slip to the back of his mind as he leaned closer to
his lover, fully prepared to begin his punishment when the door slammed open.
"Malik!"
Ryou's shrill voice caused Yami no Bakura to growl as he resisted the urge to
get up and pummel the yadonushi. "Your... you... Yami no Malik is
downstairs and he's destroying the place! He's already destroyed the front door
and most of the living room and if he gets to the kitchen...."
Ryou's voice trailed off as he finally got an eyeful of what was going on in
the bedroom. And it suddenly occured to him exactly why his Yami had always
warned him not to enter the room without knocking.
The teen turned a bright shade of red as he backed away from
the angry glare his Yami was giving him. Although angry was probably a bit of
an understatement. Yami no Bakura looked positively murderous, and his hand was
already reaching over to grab a conveniently placed knife in order to chase his
yadonushi off.
"We're busy. Tell him to wait," Yami no Bakura growled in a voice
that basically said the conversation was over.
Normally, when Yami no Bakura used this voice, Ryou would quickly obey. This
time though, Ryou showed a surprising amount of will by not leaving.
Of course, this might have been due to the fact that he was frozen in place due
to the traumatizing scene set before him....
As it was, Malik found the interruption quite annoying. Just as he
and Yami no Bakura were about to start doing... what they admittedly spent much
of the time doing... there had been Ryou at the door, which alone might have
simply amused Malik, since the poor creature had flushed bright red the moment
he caught sight of their bodies being pressed together on the bed. Not to
mention that Malik never minded having a bit of an audience.
Of course, Yami no Bakura was far from patient with interruptions, and Malik
had fully expected this one to be dealt with summarily until Ryou had mentioned
his other character. This prompted a sigh from the flaxen-haired
Egyptian. As impatient as Yami no Bakura was, he had an equal in Yami no
Malik. For this reason alone, Malik was quite certain that they would not
be allowed to do what they'd been on the verge of doing, particularly since it
tended to take quite a while. Particularly when Yami no Bakura was
looking as if he wanted to 'punish' him a bit...
A sudden crash caused all of them to jerk... with the exception
of Ryou, who was still frozen. Three seconds later, Ryou had more or less been
thrown to the side like a ragdoll as the before-mentioned darkness-loving freak
entered the bedroom, his red eyes flashing and the Eye glowing dangerously on
his forehead.
The effect might have been dramatic and frightning if it hadn't been the...
say, twentieth time since Malik had moved into the Bakura residence.
It came as no great shock to Malik that before Ryou had even
managed to leave the room, Yami no Malik had found them and flung Ryou
aside. "What is it this time?" Malik asked, rolling his eyes
and wearing an expression somewhere between boredom and annoyance. After
all, being underneath Bakura at the present moment was quite a safe place to
be. And given the number of times that his other character had appeared
here... and given the typical nature of his complaints, Malik had little
patience for this right now.
Of course, that was what came from having separate bodies that were still
connected, meaning that if something happened to one, it often wound up
happening to the other. Meaning that if Yami no Malik happened to be
drinking someone's blood, the taste of blood might suddenly spring to Malik's
mouth, as well. Hence, this had resulted in a series of orders being
issued by Yami no Malik in an attempt to curtail various activities of Malik's
that apparently had a detrimental effect on his person.
"I hope this won't take too long..." Malik said, not bothering to try
and move from where he was. "We were in the middle of something that
I'd like to get back to..."
"I wouldn't even have to come here if it wasn't for
you!" Yami no Malik interrupted shrilly as he stalked right over to the
couple. Before anybody could blink, psychotic Yami number one had wrenched
psychotic Yami number two off his host, throwing the white-haired thief across
the room. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have all these problems! If it
wasn't for you, I wouldn't have to suffer so much! If it wasn't for you, I
wouldn't even exist! This is all your fault!"
Again, the speech might have been more effective if it had not been said
before... and with no word variation at that.
"So why don't you do both of us a favor and go jump off a cliff?"
Yami no Bakura growled as he dragged himself up.
"Uruse yo... I destroyed you in a batsu no game once, and I can do it
again! And no damn pharaoh is going to be there to help you!" Yami no
Malik barked as he grabbed his omote. He was about to shake him when a familiar
smell reached him, at which point he paused, his rage mounting. *Then* he
proceeded to shaking his poor host, screaming the entire time,
"Floral-scented shampoo! Floral-scented shampoo! What in the name of Ra
and Seth could have possessed you! Because of you, I smell like the fabric softener
that Rishid uses! How am I supposed to cover the world in
darkness if my head smells like floral-scented fabric softener?!"
Malik had continued to wear an expression of jaded disinterest as Yami
no Malik went into his familiar speech. He had absently wondered how many
more times he was going to have to hear it. Really, as pleasant as it was
knowing that his head wasn't going to just suddenly start aching and pounding
and splitting into two, unleashing a being who would trap him within his body
for an indefinite period of time, Malik did rather long for the days when Yami
no Malik had simply been trapped within his body.
No one had dared question his lifestyle choices then. Now, it seemed like
every other week his other character was showing up and demanding that he
change one behavior or another.
An annoyed expression became more prominent on Malik's features as he watched
Yami no Bakura suddenly get tossed across the room. He nearly wanted to
second the motion about Yami no Malik jumping off of a cliff, especially after
he threatened to destroy Yami no Bakura again. It was bad enough that
they'd been interrupted, but Yami no Malik coming in here and making those
kinds of threats... then again, that was nothing new, either. Yami no Malik
tended to threaten just about everyone, after all.
Too late, Malik realized that he should have been scrambling away from his
other character's grasp instead of glaring up at the other and imagining him
jumping off of a cliff. Just as he moved to get outside of grabbing
range, Malik found himself caught by the shoulders.
Shaking would inevitably follow, Malik knew. Once Yami no Malik began to
hold him like this, it always prompted such an action. Still, a faintly
fearful expression overtook Malik's features when Yami no Malik suddenly became
far more enraged.
For a moment, Malik was being shaken much too violently to comprehend the words
that were being screamed at him. Finally, the words 'floral' and
'shampoo' seemed to leap out at him. "I use it because it smells
nice, and Bakura likes it!" Malik shouted back, feeling angry that this
of all things was his Yami's complaint.
Malik had noticed the tomb robber's tendency to bury his face in those flaxen
locks quite frequently, particularly right after he'd just washed his hair with
one of the offending floral shampoos, be it lilac, lavender, or
lily-of-the-valley, which Malik alternated between using. He might very
well have gone on to list the virtues of the shampoos (and conditioners, though
he wasn't about to try and explain about why those were necessary to Yami no
Malik), about how soft, shiny, and managable, they left his hair, if he hadn't
just realized that Yami no Malik was actually comparing his shampoo to the
fabric softener that Rishid used. Malik found the comparison highly
offensive, and as the shaking died down a little, he flat out glared at his
other character. "It smells nothing like that fabric softener!
And I use floral-scented shampoo, so what? What difference does it make
to you what your hair smells like? And I really don't see what you plan
to do about it, anyway..." Malik added in a silken
tone.
Of course, he could probably guess what Yami no Malik might want to do to him,
since it had probably been threatened at one point or another, if not actually
carried out. Malik was spared from guessing, however, when the doorbell
rang.
There was a moment of silence
as the three occupants (four including Ryou, who was finally waking up from the
enormous amount of shock he had just received) froze, the doorbell an
interruption to a very riveting point.
Finally, meekly, Ryou muttered, "I'll go get it" as he moved for the
stairs, the fact that there was no longer a door to open making him rather
annoyed. Not angry, mind you… for Ryou knew that if he was to get angry at Yami
no Malik, he'd probably be tossed off the canyon that his Yami had been
speaking about most recently.
"No!" Yami no Bakura barked as he suddenly remembered that he and
Malik had just ordered some very… interesting stuff off of E-bay. Stuff that he did not want a certain innocent omote to see,
especially since he had used Ryou's credit card to buy it. Not that he
was scared of Ryou, of course. He just didn't want to deal with a screaming
fit, now that he had promised not to send dark monsters after his host.
"Why not?" Yami
no Malik growled as the light dawned on him. Something that Yami no Bakura did not want his host to see? Sadistic red eyes
turned to Malik and then to Yami no Bakura, and he
smirked as he licked his lips while letting Malik go. "I see…."
"I don't," Ryou mumbled, but an angry glare from Yami no Bakura
immediately shut him up.
"It's none of your business!" the thief barked
angrily, although whether he was speaking to his host or the other Yami remained
to be seen.
"But Bakura," Yami no Malik smiled darkly as he finally released
Malik, allowing him to drop to the ground, "this is my host, and I believe
I have a right to see what you are subjecting him to."
"No, you don't," Yami no Bakura growled, the Sennen Ring glowing
dangerously as he walked up to the other Yami. There was, unfortunately, enough
of a height difference to make Yami no Malik seem
stronger than the white-haired thief, and this was not lost
on any of the witnesses. "Perhaps you think that it's all right for you to
barge in here at any point, and that's not my problem. But when you start to
act like you own this place…"
The doorbell rang again, more persistently this time. It was a wonder that
whoever was there didn't just walk into the house… after all, there was no
longer a door, Ryou remembered with quite a sulk. Bored with a scene that he
had seen more than once, Ryou was about to walk down the stairs when his Yami
screamed, "Don't you dare, yadonushi!"
Unfortunately, while Yami no Bakura was distracted, Yami no
Malik chose to walk right past the thief before anybody could protest.