Disclaimer:  We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, and hence do not own any of the characters, save Skunkzilla, since after being sprayed by him, we feel a certain proprietary claim over him.

Authors' Notes:  First off, happy birthday to PM!  Yes, the lovely PM has just had a birthday, and now she's sadly off on vacation once again.  Fortunately, we got a bit of writing done while she was back, so things can still be updated.  So, behold, here is another chapter!  Enjoy! –Neph

Nalan:  So glad that we could amuse you!  I hope you're having fun in Japan!  And here, at long last, is more!  Enjoy!

onlyHAUNTED:  Yes, I do believe that you are correct!  Not a happy smell for Bakura at all!  Now, please do enjoy the Yami no Malik amusement in this chapter!  And you may very well see Pharaoh somewhere in the fic sooner or later…  Thanks for reading!

Kami Beverly:  Yes, Bakura and Malik haven't had the best of luck in this fic!  It's not going to get much better for awhile, I'm afraid…  Glad we could give you a laugh!

Mikazuki Kagaya:  Lol… we like living on the edge?  And yes, poor Malik indeed.  Then again, if he liked the smell, we might be out of a fic… not to mention how truly vile it is.  Just ask PM!  Thanks for sticking with our little ficcie!

Yami Krissy:  Hee!  You made a pun.  I'm very amused by puns, and I don't know why.  And yes, the deliveryman should have known better.  Maybe FedEx needs to add a 'delivering to psychopaths' training seminar?

Chibi-Yami no Bakura:  Yes, we remember you!  So glad the floral-scented shampoo could both amuse and freak you out a little.  And you may see Pharaoh in here sooner or later…  Yes, bad for Yami no Bakura, but worse for Malik who now smells like skunk!  And you feel our skunk pain?  Perhaps we should form a club… for victims of skunks…  Thanks for coming back to our fic!  We aren't exactly too kind to Yami no Malik in this chapter, so fear not!

Chapter 4

A Scent that Will Linger

The warm and fuzzy feeling did not last long. Especially since right at the moment Yami no Bakura took a whiff of Malik's hair, Yami no Malik happened to be getting sprayed by a skunk.

And what happens to the Yami tends to happen to the omote.

Ryou had finally made it out of the room when he suddenly heard a loud bellow. Before he could blink, Yami no Bakura came rushing out of the room, practically screeching. And downstairs, another Yami was having his own fit.

Ryou's stomach seemed to drop to his toes as he recognized the smell. He had been to America before, and he had smelled it before.

And in the living room, Skunkzilla cackled maniacally (in his head, at least) as he used his tail to inflict a mighty blow on the sofa. Unfortunately, he had made a mistake when it came to estimating his strength, and just ended up bruisng his furry tail.

Malik watched as Yami no Bakura leaned in to inhale the scent of his hair. He'd anticipated that the other would conceal his pleasure in doing so (in the hopes of keeping Malik from being smug later on, though he naturally would be), but Malik had not been expecting a reaction of this sort. His lavender eyes widened, holding a stunned look as he watched Yami no Bakura's expression turn to one of purest disgust. The next thing Malik knew, Yami no Bakura was making a high-pitched sound and fleeing from the room.

The flaxen-haired Egyptian frowned, wondering what could have prompted such a response, before he drew his hair towards his own nose. Before he'd even gotten close, Malik could smell it. Instead of its characteristic lovely, aromatic floral scent, his hair now smelled terrible. Absolutely, utterly disgusting--like he'd bathed in something rotten.

Malik gasped, wearing a horrified expression, and then proceeded to rush out of the room after Yami no Bakura, determined to find out just what his own Yami had done. Malik could only assume that this was Yami no Malik's means of revenging himself for the floral-scented shampoo. But still... this was beyond horrible.

Even his other character couldn't live like this, could he? Malik most certainly hoped not. The horrible smell was already driving him crazy with the urge to jump into the shower. If Malik had thought it would truly help, he wouldn't have hesitated to do so.

As it was, Malik found himself in the living room, alongside the other three, who were all staring at a small black and white furry creature. "Skunk?" Malik whispered in a stricken voice, turning towards Ryou in the desperate hope that he was wrong. This once, Malik wanted more than anything to be wrong. Please, it could not possibly be that his Yami had been sprayed by a skunk. Were there even skunks in Japan? Malik didn't really know, and he turned towards Ryou again, hoping against hope that he was mistaken. Malik was so intent on the skunk that he hardly saw what his own Yami was doing.

Yami no Malik, upon having been sprayed, had gone into what seemed like a sort of a fit. His nose had twitched several times at the powerfully awful aroma. It was truly vile. Then he began moving, as if trying to shake the scent free from his body, making several soft gagging noises as he did so. Yami no Malik didn't know what that little black hairball had done to him, but whatever it was, whenever he recovered from this, the hairball would pay. That hairball was going to be skewered--no, that might release more of that smell; so, sacrificed to the darkness instead. Yes, that was it. Then all of Yami no Malik's previous victims might have a chance to encounter that horrible smell in their own collective eternal purgatory of darkness. Yami no Malik threw back his head and laughed maniacally, unaware that said furball was now moving away from him.

Skunkzilla licked his wounded tail for a few moments, but when too many humans began to appear, he felt rather nervous. And yet, victory was still his. In the most taunting maneuver he could muster with a bruised tail (and the lady skunks had always chittered at how effective it was), Skunkzilla went into his victory dance. Rather, prance. The tiny black creature hopped around the room vigorously, fluffing his tail with pride, before he vanished out the hole that was left where the front door had once stood. It was worth the bruised tail to spray such an annoying human. After all, the mighty Skunkzilla would be fine.

A long silence followed Yami no Malik's insane laughter once the four noticed that the skunk had 'mysteriously' disappeared before a small whimper escaped from Ryou.

"My… living room."

Before Ryou could blink, he had been grabbed by the shirt and shoved against the wall by his insane Yami, whose eyes were now fiery. All in all, he looked very scary and particularily murderous. Of course, Ryou knew that his Yami wouldn't kill him… Yami no Bakura needed his body and that would just be a stupid thing to do. But considering the look on Yami no Bakura's face, Ryou really hoped that Yami no Bakura would remember that before they were both dead.

"Your… your living room?!" Yami no Bakura screamed as he shook Ryou in a way that greatly resembled the way Yami no Malik had been shaking Malik (it seemed that many people were having shaking problems). "YOUR living room?! What about my boyfriend?! He smells like… like… like him!!"

Yami no Bakura gestured at Yami no Malik angrily. The other Yami didn't even notice… he was busy doing a little dance in an attempt to get rid of the smell.

To be frank, it didn't work. The smell just seemed to get worse, and the dance made the usually scary Yami look… well, comical. And since Yami no Malik was just not supposed to look comical, the entire effect ended up to be disturbing.

Malik, who admittedly did not smell quite as bad as Yami no Malik, was also in a state of torment. Even though he didn't smell as bad as getting sprayed at a *very* close range by a skunk, he still smelled *bad*. And he knew that because it was his Yami who had been sprayed, the smell would not be going away until they managed to wash Yami no Malik.

While the two had lived together, Malik had learned something very interesting about Yami no Malik: he didn't wash. Well, not often at least. About… say… once he started smelling really bad and Isis was threatening his life. Yami no Malik actually looked up to Isis, who he viewed as being a worthy adversary. If Malik hadn't known better, he would have said that Yami no Malik was allergic to water.

However, this fear of bathing was going to cause some problems. Malik had a sinking suspicion that Yami no Bakura would not be letting him in the same bed if Malik continued to smell like skunk, and no matter how many times Malik did wash, the smell would not be going away. He would have to find some way of convincing his Yami to wash… and not just wash in water, but tomato juice. That was, he remembered, the only way of getting rid of skunk smell.

Or was it grape juice?

Malik thought that if he could just act fast, there was a chance that Yami no Malik wouldn't quite understand all that a tomato juice bath entailed. Well, that was being overly optimistic, but at the least, if the shock of being sprayed was still fresh in his mind, there was a good chance that the psychotic being would be somewhat more amenable to suggestions than he would be under normal circumstances.

Of course, proposing a solution to Yami no Malik required approaching him, which was something of a terrifying prospect as he continued doing his dance, which was punctuated frequently by very disturbing laughter as the Yami pondered what exactly he would do to Skunkzilla.

"You are aware that we both now stink," Malik stated bluntly, drawing cautiously towards the other.

Yami no Malik paused in mid-shake to gaze over at his omote, wrinkling his nose a bit. "Of course," he growled in response. "That ball of hair is going to be sacrificed to the darkness."

Malik felt the urge to bang his head against the wall. He really didn't care what happened to the skunk, though if his other character went after it, he could only imagine the spraying that would surely ensue. Could this situation get any worse? He now had a Yami who was obsessed with getting revenge against a skunk.

Malik knew better than to try and talk Yami no Malik out of it. That would be tantamount to guaranteeing that he would do just that. And at present, Malik was more concerned about how they both smelled than future re-acquisition of this odor.

"I'm not talking about the cause of the problem. I'm talking about fixing it," Malik said, wearing a determined expression.

Yami no Malik raised his eyebrows and shifted his full attention to Malik now, red eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Fixing it?"

"If you don't do something about it, you're going to reek of skunk indefinitely," Malik said, trying to remain calm, though the smell was making him want to drown himself in a variety of different scents. Anything to not smell this reek of skunk that surrounded him like a cloud.

Yami no Malik shrugged carelessly. "I am confident that it will fade in time. The scent of the ball of hair has no power next to my own. My own body odor will overcome it. Really, it will soon see that spraying me was quite a folly."

Malik twitched at his other character's words. How could anyone possibly be so arrogant and stupid all at once? Of course, at times, Yami no Bakura was a bit like that, but never to such a ridiculous extent. And at the very least, Malik had means of persuading Yami no Bakura when it was necessary. Still, he had to try. "I don't think you quite understand what you're dealing with. This is one of the most powerful and disgusting scents that there is, and from the smell of it," Malik's nose twitched a bit (giving him a comically rabbit-like appearance for a moment), "you were sprayed from close range. No matter how powerful you are, the smell is not going to just go away! You need to do something about it now, or we'll both be stuck smelling like skunk for gods know how long!" Malik cried, growing a bit desperate.

As soon as he'd uttered the words, Malik knew that it had been a mistake to bring himself into it. A sadistic grin turned up the corners of Yami no Malik's mouth, and he leaned in towards Malik. "You don't like smelling this way, Malik? Does it bother you to smell like a skunk?" he asked, his red eyes alight with a wicked glee. "Perhaps just as it bothers me to have my hair smelling like Rishid's fabric softener...?" he added in a soft, suggestive voice.

Malik gazed at Yami no Malik with an increasingly horrified expression. This could not be happening. There was no way that Yami no Malik would walk around smelling like a skunk in some sort of twisted attempt at revenge for the floral-scented shampoo. And yet, Malik knew that it was exactly like his other character to do so. "You don't want to do this, Yami! Onegai, just let us give you a bath, and I swear, I'll stop using the shampoo you don't like! Anything, just let us make you stop smelling like skunk," Malik pleaded. He really, really did not want to remain like this. Particularly since he and Bakura didn't tend to go without doing things for any length of time, and Malik didn't want to know what would happen if they had to. Though he fully anticipated that if he continued to reek of skunk, they would soon find out.

Of course, now Yami no Malik was quite enjoying this. He wasn't about to let Malik off the hook, particularly after his omote mentioned a bath. "And what exactly do you plan to do about it?" he asked, mimicking Malik's earlier tone. "I don't fancy taking a bath anytime soon. So, I don't think that I will..." Yami no Malik flashed another smile of cruel amusement at his omote and Yami no Bakura and then began heading for the hole that lingered where the door had been.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Yami no Bakura turned away from where he had been terrorizing his host to glare at the other Yami. "You're not leaving while my koi smells like he has been dragged through road kill and garbage. You're not leaving this place until you take a bath!"

"And how are you going to make me do that?" Yami no Malik sneered as he took another step towards the door. "Don't forget that you are nothing compared to me. You couldn't beat me when the Sennen Rod and your *life* was on the stake. I doubt you can defeat me just because you want to have sex with your little toy. There other are *reasons* why people exist on this damnable planet, you realize."

Malik's mouth opened and closed like a fish as he tried to think of an argument to that in defense of his lover. Although both of them readily admitted that they were in it for… well, you guessed it… the more *intimate* part of a relationship, deep down they really did care for each other.

Just not enough to sleep with each other until a de-skunkification had taken place.

However, before Malik could think of anything to say, Yami no Bakura had decided to play hero by running in front of the psychotic Yami. Well, technically they were both psychotic Yami's, but one was usually thought of as being more psychotic than the other. Not that it was a contest of any sort… no judge would want to pick between the two of them.

"I said you're not going anywhere, and I meant it," the white-haired spirit growled as he glared up at Yami no Malik. "You heard Malik… you will not leave until he no longer smells like skunk!"

"And how do you think you will accomplish that?" was the calm reply as Yami no Malik started to glow in a very threatening manner. It might have been more threatening if he didn't smell like essence of skunk. Or if the very humorous memory of a dancing Yami no Malik wasn't doing cartwheels in the mind of the other three occupants of the room. "Do you really want to tempt the fates again?"

"Yami Bakura! Yami Malik!" Ryou moaned. As usual, everyone ignored him.

"I'm sure that after a batsu game, we won't have to worry about how you smell anymore," the spirit of the Sennen Ring was also starting to glow, his eyes narrowed.

Ryou was really starting to panic right now. The last thing he wanted was a yami no game in the middle of his living room… after all, he already had enough problems now that his door was gone and living room smelling like a skunk. Not to mention the fact that Yami no Malik had destroyed a great deal of furniture during his rampage, so there probably wasn't much for the poor teen to save.

But… that was not the point! The point was that… he was not going to have a yami no game in the middle of his living room! And that was that!

"Yamete kudasai!" he begged.

And everyone ignored him.